Men Can Be in Love With More Than One Woman at the Same Time

Updated on December 14, 2017
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Ian is currently an apprentice at the Kabarole christian fellowship, handling relationship and marriage counselling.

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I know what you are thinking. For a man to be involved with more than one woman at the same time, he must be utterly selfish. Men who do such a thing must be greedy, lustful losers with no consideration for the feelings of their female counterparts, right? These arguments are completely false: simply because a man falls in love with more than one woman, does not mean he has a black heart. It is possible for men to be in love with more than one woman at the same time, because no two women are the same.

Some are good listeners, others are great cooks, and some have strong supportive personalities. If a man finds all of these traits in one woman, he has no reason to look elsewhere. Not everyone is this lucky, though.

A friend recently told me that when a man in a relationship finds himself in love with another woman, he is falling into a trap of emotional infidelity. To him, a man can only love and share his life with one woman. He believes a man is no longer in love with his girlfriend or wife, or that there may be a problem with their relationship, if he is beginning to fall for another woman.

But this can only be true if the man tries to hide his feelings. How he decides to deal with his newfound love is what will constitute the concept of cheating.

Most men believe the best thing to do is to keep their newfound love as far away as possible from their girlfriend or wife. This is usually in an attempt to protect her from heartbreak, but it is a huge mistake. When a man does this, the newfound love becomes a secret affair, and secrets require one to lie–or to tell only part of the truth, instead of the whole truth–in order to stay secret. This can be legitimately considered cheating.

Many wonder why married people cheat rather than simply ending the relationship. This can be explained by the fact that the cheating partner still loves their mate, and, although they have found a new love, doesn’t want to lose them.

So how does a man go about loving multiple women at the same time without being considered a cheater?

How a Man Should Deal With a New Love

Love thrives on truth, trust, and communication. As crazy as it may sound, the right thing for a man to do is to disclose his new love to his mate. If he doesn't tell her the truth, he will doubtless be branded a cheating, self-centered jerk with no morals–not just by her, but by other men, as well.

The man should tell his partner that he is in love with a new woman who's constantly on his mind. He should choose the moment to break the news with care. When he does, he should explain his reasons without sounding lusty. The next step is for him to reiterate that his love for her has not been diminished by the new woman. If he doesn’t love her any more, he shouldn't waste her time. He must end the relationship right then and there.

A man should allow his mate the opportunity to give him her honest opinion on the matter. She is his first love, and he should value her opinion and her ultimate decision. If he has been genuine and honest, she is likely to listen and respond in kind. If, by the end of the discussion, he finds there is room for a third person without destabilizing your domestic harmony, then he can go ahead with his new love. This cannot be considered cheating.

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However, if she is in disagreement with his proposal, it is time for him to reevaluate the situation and set his priorities straight.

If he decides to continue his liaison with his new love, despite the objection, he is a cheat and probably deserves every bad name and insult which will inevitably be flung at him.

If he loves her so much he is unable to fess up to his extracurricular activities, he is probably afraid of losing her and should give it up. This is an indication that he is only built for exclusive love. He should stick with that.

It is common knowledge that romantic relationships come with no shortage of drama and stress. Thus, a man who falls in love with more than one woman has an enormous heart. To think of a man who keeps up meaningful relationships with multiple women as selfish is to misrepresent the meaning of the word. He willingly gives himself up to more than one woman, and volunteers valuable resources such as time and money to look after each of these women. Without hesitation, he listens and offers a shoulder to lean on, and his big heart has room for all the drama that comes with relationships. He never yields, and on those very few occasions he does, he is confronted with insults rather than the tribute he deserves.

© 2014 Ian Batanda

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    • profile image

      ILovedHim 3 months ago

      I was madly in love with Joey and knew he still loved his estranged wife. Shes the mother of his child.

      He hated on her and I told him he didnt have to do that with me and he was allowed to be her friend and love her for life. She helped him make his son. Thats a special bond.

      And then I fell in love with him so completely that I even said he could keep her half the week and me the other half for life if that was what would make him happy.

      Instead he got upset and started cheating on me and replacing his hate for her with me and ruined my life.

      I despise cheaters and heartless people.

      But I would have shared him in a closed committed relationship with her without problems had he gone about it the respectful way.

      I loved him that much.

      But I cant abide a cheater with no respect for me. I respected him. I would have never cheated on him. Im not like that. And it still hurts me to this day.

      She was more dominant. I respect that as Im more submissive. He needed a balance in order to not to become the man he did.

      He needed to be in control with me here because he relinquished control to her there.

      And I was all for that. But he was mean to me instead of loving and that was undeserved.

      He could have whipped me evwry night to get each days frustrations out and feel better and I would have never complained and loved every single love mark happily because I was his completely.

      It was the emotional hurt that really really caused me pain.

    • profile image

      RED 3 months ago

      My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. I got most of my things back from him 1 weeks ago, and we had “the talk”. According to him, he found someone better and went for it. He then proceeded to tell me that he’s moved on, and that I should too. I thought it was kinda funny because I have not given him any reaction since we’ve broken up, shown him how miserable I am, talked to him only when necessary (we work together), but never about us. The thing is, that it’s clear out in the open that was with someone new, it confused me why he still stared at me. At first, I thought it was only my imagination, until other co-workers actually started noticing it too. Is he staring at me so that he can feel better that he’s found the “better one”? i wondered. He was also cold towards me at work, which others noticed, I continued being my cheerful self at work from Day 1 after the breakup, so my friends seem to think that he was trying to hurt me for not giving any reaction. I still loved him, and wanted to get back together with him. I didn’t know this new girlfriend did something to him to make him forget about me. I got to know after one of my co workers introduced me to Dr Power who mends broken heart and relationships. Dr Power helped me break what the girl has done on my boyfriend and he came back to me begging me to have him back. we are living together again. Dr Power's contact email is powerfulexback@gmail.com. Do well to contact him if you're facing love issues via his direct email powerfulexback@gmail.com

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      lily 3 months ago

      I am not disagree or agree with the topic or I am not saying it's wrong or right. This is just my point of view. I believe as human being we already are born with the nature of searching for love and searching for pleasure. So it's natural. However, if you can find two women fall in love with or two men fall in love with you at the same time and you all agree to share happiness together is fine - good for you - I am not saying it's wrong or right as long as no one get hurt. however, the point of saying this person has an enormous heart - his heart or her heart can love and share to more than one.... I can look at this as more like Greed. (but of course) we all have greed. I still think the one with bigger heart is the one who only love, give, and share and not asking in return. Unconditional love, and you can't really find unconditional love in man and woman relationship. Only, holy man who lives their lives to satisfy their own desire - sex, money, fame, etc....but to serve and help people. That is the man I call with enormous heart.

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      lily 3 months ago

      I am in the situation where I am dating my boyfriend for many years - we don't live in the same house but our house is closed to each other. Anyway, we had a lot of fun when we're together but there are times I want to kick his behind real bad. I mean he is a pain and so I am too I guess. Up and down. We both don't want to have kids, we love our freedom and so we both don't really care about marriage and we both have many nieces and nephews, grandparents etc...so we enjoy our family's picnic, holidays...etc...but and then we have our own happy quiet time. ....and then I met a married guy at work - we hang out, we talk, and we attract to each other big time. and is it so weird knowing him for only a year and the first 3 months I realized and confirmed he's the one for me - I feel like I belong to him and realized I felt in love with him. So ...I kept the distance - I avoid seeing him, basically, I hide from him because I know we are not available for each other - he's married - I am loyal with my long time boyfriend. I try to compare - the two of them. I still attract to my boyfriend - I still have fun with him and he is totally loyal to me. The other one he's so cute, easy to talk to, seem like he understand me just like that.....long story short. In conclusion, I have feeling for both of them. I have physically desire for both of them. HOWEVER, one thing I KNOW about myself. I CAN'T NEVER DATE TWO GUYS at the same time. The FEELING is WAY too confusing. I only can be with one person at a time. And that's me. So yes, you can attract and love two guys - but I can only be with one and not the other.

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      Sissy 4 months ago

      I'm in love with a married guy. He brought me home to meet his wife. She is a very nice person, I don't feel weird about it , I love him. We take it day by day. I would never cheat , just to dangerous in this day and age. He is clean , so is she. She doesn't live a crazy sexual lifestyle and neither do I. I'm not sure how honest he is with her about me. We've never had a group conversation about it. It's almost like a "we all know, let's not talk about it thing". I think he gets stretched between us a lot as we both are very demanding of his attention. I think it's hard for him to balance that so I try not to give him a headache about it. He is my soulmate.

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      Ade 4 months ago

      It's strange what we can think up.

      If men can open up to their wives and so be allowed to take a second or third, we should as well Annalise women doing same and being allowed to take a second and third husband probably living under the same roof.

      The world is full of odds.

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      Ella 8 months ago

      Women can love more than one man as well. I don't think men should say what women can do and what they can't. It's ridiculous as you are not a woman, so you can't say women are better off loving one man. You say it only because you don't want to share your girls but except them to share you. Women are able to love many men as well. It's a fact, not everyone is the same, some women may want to commit to one but some genuinely can't stay with only one

    • Maria Cecilia profile image

      Maria Cecilia 9 months ago from Philippines

      when I was younger it was always 2 men, not that I played around but in a group of friends I always like 2 among the group. Funny this is very encouraging for women in love with a married man or committed though not yet married. but based on what I know, one one man out five chose the new found love over the original.

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      biglove 20 months ago

      I am a man that has been in love with multiple women. I am married and, even beforemy wife and I began dating over 10yrs ago, I was honest at the beginning of our new relationship. I was upfront about my desires of having multiple loves in my life and to share that relationship openly with my, eventual, wife. This has allowed us to maintain one of the strongest and best relationships with another person that I have ever had. We share an openess that I had never fully truly known previously and even before I begin a new relationship with a partner I discuss it openly with my wife. Sometimes she likes to be involved and recently we had a 2yr relationship where we all shared our home and our lives together. This doesn't mean we never had problems and occasionally jealousy came up between my partners (usually because one or the other wanted sex and walked in on activities) but those feelings quickly evaporated as we all continued to be open and honest with each other. In moments of jealousy we would talk it through and we made sure that we all gave each other the private space needed and we developed a way to manage our relationships that didn't require us to hide it from the community or our friends. The complete openess actually brought our friends closer to us and, even our devout religious friends, accepted our relationship as something pure from love and we were not judged like we initially feared may happen. I never wanted to be a man that was seen as a cheater or many of the other words that are said. I truly believe that honesty and trust are the keys to any and all relationships. My wife and I have been together now for over 10yrs and we only recently ended our last relationship because she wasn't ready for children but my wife and I are. So I guess what I'm saying is that the author of this article is very right. Any person can love more than one person and to have a heart that is capable of such capacity is a wonderful thing. However, to have a partner, or partners, who can also share in that capacity is a truly blessed experience and my love for my wife has only grown stronger because of what we've shared for, and with, each other.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 20 months ago

      I don't believe it's possible to truly be "in love" with more than one person.

      The reality is if you were "in love" with the (first person) you wouldn't make the time to date and get to know the (second person) in a romantic sense.

      You'd be too busy planning romantic getaways, buying cards & gifts "just because" and looking forward to building a life together.

      On the other hand I do believe it's possible to love/care about more than one person. However that's a big difference from being "in love".

    • Rae-LeighDawn profile image

      Rae-LeighDawn 3 years ago

      Women can be in love with two men at the same time as well. I think women are more scared of men than men are of women

    • ian 12am profile image
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      Ian Batanda 3 years ago

      Women tend to relate differently when it comes to Love. They require a deep emotional attachment in order to be able to open up and express themselves freely. Unlike Men, women love more with the heart and less with the mind. They are thus better off loving one man twice as much. This is true because they are unlikely to remain balanced and rational if they were to lead a polygamous relationship. If one however feels she can manage, the only way to do it without cheating is by letting her man know about her second love. If he agrees, then it's a go.

    • CyberShelley profile image

      Shelley Watson 3 years ago

      What about women with big hearts - do they just get to love one man twice as much or can they also love two men and just take the best parts of each? LOL