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What Can Men Do If They're in Love With More Than One Woman at the Same Time?

Ian has experience in relationship and marriage counselling.

This article will help men figure out what to do when they are in love with two women at the same time.

This article will help men figure out what to do when they are in love with two women at the same time.

A Man Can Love Two Women Because No Two Women Are the Same

I know what you are thinking. For a man to be involved with more than one woman at the same time, he must be utterly selfish. Men who do such a thing must be greedy, lustful losers with no consideration for the feelings of their female counterparts, right?

Such arguments are completely false. Simply because a man falls in love with more than one woman, does not mean he has a black heart. It is possible for men to be in love with more than one woman at the same time because no two women are the same.

Some are good listeners, others are great cooks, and some have strong supportive personalities. If a man finds all of these traits in one woman, he has no reason to look elsewhere. Not everyone is this lucky, though.

A friend recently told me that when a man in a relationship finds himself in love with another woman, he is falling into a trap of emotional infidelity. To him, a man can only love and share his life with one woman. He believes a man is no longer in love with his girlfriend or wife, or that there may be a problem with their relationship if he is beginning to fall for another woman.

But this can only be true if the man tries to hide his feelings. How he decides to deal with his newfound love is what will constitute the concept of cheating.

How Does a Man Go About Loving Multiple Women at the Same Time?

Most men believe the best thing to do is to keep their newfound love as far away as possible from their girlfriend or wife.

This is usually in an attempt to protect her from heartbreak, but it is a huge mistake. When a man does this, the newfound love becomes a secret affair, and secrets require one to lie–or to tell only part of the truth, instead of the whole truth–in order to stay secret. This can be legitimately considered cheating.

Many wonder why married people cheat rather than simply ending the relationship. This can be explained by the fact that the cheating partner still loves their mate, and, although they have found a new love, doesn’t want to lose them.

So how does a man go about loving multiple women at the same time without being considered a cheater?

Love thrives on truth, trust, and communication. As crazy as it may sound, the right thing for a man to do is to disclose his new love to his mate. If he doesn't tell her the truth, he will doubtless be branded a cheating, self-centered jerk with no morals–not just by her, but by other men, as well.

The man should tell his partner that he is in love with a new woman who's constantly on his mind. He should choose the moment to break the news with care.

When he does, he should explain his reasons without sounding lusty. The next step is for him to reiterate that his love for her has not been diminished by the new woman. If he doesn’t love her any more, he shouldn't waste her time. He must end the relationship right then and there.

A man should allow his mate the opportunity to give him her honest opinion on the matter. She is his first love, and he should value her opinion and her ultimate decision. If he has been genuine and honest, she is likely to listen and respond in kind.

If, by the end of the discussion, he finds there is room for a third person without destabilizing your domestic harmony, then he can go ahead with his new love. This cannot be considered cheating.

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How does a man go about loving multiple women at the same time without being considered a cheater?

How does a man go about loving multiple women at the same time without being considered a cheater?

Setting the Right Priorities

However, if she is in disagreement with his proposal, it is time for him to reevaluate the situation and set his priorities straight.

If he decides to continue his liaison with his new love, despite the objection, he is a cheat and probably deserves every bad name and insult which will inevitably be flung at him.

If a man is unable to disclose his love for another woman to his wife, he probably loves his wife so much and is afraid of losing her. This is an indication that by nature, he is only built for exclusive love and should stick with that. He should stick to having one woman at a time.

Romantic Relationships Come With Drama

It is common knowledge that romantic relationships come with no shortage of drama and stress.

Therefore, a man who falls in love with more than one woman has an enormous heart. To think of a man who keeps up meaningful relationships with multiple women as selfish is to misrepresent the meaning of the word.

He willingly gives himself up to more than one woman and volunteers valuable resources such as time and money to look after each of these women.

Without hesitation, he listens and offers a shoulder to lean on, and his big heart has room for all the drama that comes with relationships. He never yields, and on those very few occasions he does, he is confronted with insults rather than the tribute he deserves.

The big question is, what should you as a woman do about it?

Additional Resources

If you're a man (or woman) wondering how to deal with your sexual needs when your partner has a chronic illness, then check out: Dealing With Sexual Needs When a Spouse Has Cancer.

If on the other hand, you believe your partner is cheating, yet you're dealing with a chronic illness, I recommend: My Partner Is Cheating Yet I Am Struggling With Cancer, What Can I Do?

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: He says he’s in love with me and also his wife. How can I tell he means his devotion to both me and his wife?

Answer: How he treats you can give you a clue.

If he respects you, makes you feel important and treats you like a lady, then he probably loves you.

If he is protective of his wife and does not allow you to say demeaning things about her ( including silly jokes) then he probably loves you both and he means it.

Question: I am in love with a guy that has a girlfriend and I think he loves me too. I have tried to leave so many times, but my heart won't let me. He worries about her but he says he loves me. My heart starts to pound when I am not with him because I am worried someone will take him away. I get sleepless nights worrying that at the end he'll leave me for her. We spend so much time together and she's far away. I don't know what to do, how do I make this feeling stop? Do I let myself let him go?

Answer: It appears you are deeply in love with this guy. Thankfully he says he loves you too. I wouldn't advise you to leave him if he makes you happy.

You haven't stated whether he loves the girlfriend as well, possibly because you aren't sure about it.

It's normal to get worried about someone taking him away from you. But in my opinion, being too worried will not help much.

If he wants to be with you, he will choose you over her. If he doesn't, there isn't much you can do about it.

My suggestion is that you maximize enjoying the time you spend with him. His girlfriend is far away and that should be to your advantage. Be happy to have him around. Make him feel comfortable and happy being around you. Engage in fun activities and enjoy the moments. That will help him want to be with you more, and possibly choose you.

Try to avoid being clingy and needy as this is a turnoff and will push him away. It's not advisable to give him an ultimatum about his girlfriend, because you'll put unnecessary pressure on your relationship. Try not to think about what he's doing when you aren't together, because it will get you even more worried.

However, you can encourage him to break up with his girlfriend if he is no longer in love with her. Let him know that you want to show him lots of love without sharing him.

If he is still in love with her, he should say it to you clearly. This will help you decide if you are willing to stay and share him.

Question: How can one deal with a man who loves multiple women?

Answer: It can hurt to discover that your man loves another woman. There is no straightforward answer on how to deal with the man in this situation.

But what you can do depends on your values as a person and your expectations from the relationship. If you are getting everything else you want from the relationship apart from exclusivity, then you have to decide which is more important to you. For example, if he provides for you and spends quality time with you without even bringing up the other woman, then you can decide to turn a blind eye on the other woman, and concentrate on your own relationship.

It's easy to consider getting yourself into an affair with another man, as a way of getting even. To be honest, I wouldn't blame you if you did. After all, if he can cheat, then so can you. This is where your values come in. Are you ready to manage the stress that comes with having multiple partners? Will you be able to have enough time and attention for both men and your self?

Think about Sexually transmitted infections. For this point, you must confront him especially if you have proof that he has other women.

If on the other hand if he doesn't care about you that much anymore, and you feel he's no longer worth your time, you can consider leaving him and find someone who can make you happy and be yours exclusively.

Question: How can a man deal with his wife and his girlfriend at the same time if is it love for both?

Answer: Let's start from here: Is it love for both? The best person to answer this question is the man in such a situation.

It can be love for both, but only you can tell what you really feel for each of them.

Does the Girlfriend know that you have a wife? If yes, what does she think about it?

Is she willing to keep away from your wife and respect your marriage? Does your wife know that you have a girlfriend? What does she think about it?

Answering those questions can help you a great deal in determining how to deal with them. If either of them is hurt by the situation, you have to try and listen to their side and understand, if they feel like they can't continue with the relationship. At this point, you may have to decide whether you are ready to let them go in favor of the other.

If neither of them knows about the other, you are in a tricky situation, because sooner or later the truth will be out, and you may lose both of them.

My suggestion is this. A man in such a situation must inform the girlfriend about his wife from the start. If she is not willing to be the 'other woman', she'll try elsewhere. If he is in a community that accepts polygamy, he could marry both of them.

Question: what should I do when my boyfriend has an affair with another girl? Should I break up with him?

Answer: It's unfortunate that your boyfriend is having an affair with another girl.

However, before you decide to break up with him (or not), there are a few things you should think about.

Try talking to him and let him know that you found out about his affair. His response will tell you a lot about what he feels about your relationship. If he truly loves and respects you, he should be remorseful and will try to make it up to you.

Is there something about your relationship with him, that could be the reason he's having an affair? You may have to openly talk to him about it and listen to his side of the story. If there is something that can be corrected, that would be a good starting point.

I have learned from experience that no relationship is perfect. But in most cases, the issues can be resolved if both parties put in some effort.

Most importantly, you need to evaluate your feelings for him and the relationship. This will help you determine if you still want to be with him. Ask your self, do you still love him? Do you need him for financial reasons? All these things will help you make a clearer decision.

Question: I am in love with a man who already has a wife. Is it true love?

Answer: In my opinion, the only person who can determine if what you feel for him is true love, is yourself.

Does he make you feel like he loves you back? Does his wife know about your relationship with his husband? Are you willing to share him?

Those are some of the questions you need to ask yourself, before you can decide the way forward.

Question: My boyfriend has two kids with two different girls, and I have a child of my own. Will things work out between us, or is he just using me?

Answer: Things can work out as long as the two of you are committed to each other.

You have to understand that there will always be a third person in your relationship since all the children are with different people. If you do not let these people get in the way of your relationship, then it should work out.

Remember that all these children are now your children (both of you) and they must be treated as such. You can be one big family if you decide to work at it by respecting each other and not listening so much to outsiders.

Question: I found out my boyfriend is actually in a long-distance relationship for 6 years when we have been together for two months and he keeps saying he loves me but I just feel he wants me for sex even he keeps on denying it. Tried to leave him a couple of times but didn't work because I'm scared of losing him or being replaced but at the same time it's horrifying to think he will always choose his long-distance girlfriend and ditch me. What should I do?

Answer: In my opinion, I don't think it's enough for you to stay in a relationship just because you are afraid of losing him.

If the idea of sharing him doesn't work for you, then don't stick to something that will only keep hurting you. There are so many men out there looking for exclusive love. I believe you will find one for your self.

Question: I had a sexual affair with a married man who is also my workmate. I found out that he is also going around with another girl. What can I do then?

Answer: Is it just an affair like you say, or do you want more from him?

In my opinion you need to let him know exactly what your expectations are from him and ask him to be honest with you about what he wants from you. Ask him about the other girl and see what his reaction will be.

That may be helpful in determining what kind of relationship is going on between the two of you, and perhaps help you decide on how to move forward.

Question: What can I do if most of the people who I am falling for, don't even know about it? Should I tell them? Is it okay to still like my ex?

Answer: It is normal to have feelings for your ex. However if your ex moved on, and those feelings are preventing you from seeing someone else, then you need to work on.

If you fall for someone and they don't seem to notice you, it's possible that they aren't interested.

Telling them about it can be scary due to fear of rejection. But it's the only way you can get know what they feel about you.

It could even get them to notice you and fall for you if you do it the right way. Remember to avoid being 'needy' and desperate while you are letting them know about your feelings

Question: How can anyone see having multiple partners as a viable choice?

Answer: I agree with you to some extent. You are like many people for whom having multiple partners is wrong, and that is fine.

But this does not mean that there aren't people who have multiple partners. The moralistic approach may not apply to such people.

People should have free choice whether to be monogamous or otherwise, as long as there is mutual respect, agreement and understanding of the consequences of their choices

Question: I am in a relationship with a girl, but now I have developed feelings for a new one. I love both, and I am not able to understand. I don't know whether the new girl loves me or not, but sure she likes me she is very friendly to me. What should I do?

Answer: It's possible to develop feelings for another girl even when you're in a healthy relationship.

It's also possible to love them both.

It is important however to be sure that the new girl is in love with you as well. Avoid falling into the trap of miss-interpreting her friendliness for romantic feelings.

Remember also, that your girlfriend will be hurt if she finds out that you are trying to see someone else.

Before you decide to express your feelings to the new girl, try to evaluate how it will affect your current relationship. Are you prepared to lose your girlfriend? Is she open to the idea of you seeing other people? Are you willing to share her with someone else, if she finds herself in a situation similar to yours?

Question: I have a boyfriend and have been with him for 7 years, but just recently (3 days ago) he admitted that he cheated on me. He loves some other girl. He wanted to be honest with me even if it breaks my heart. He says he loves her also. What should I do?

Answer: It is good that he has been honest with you. What needs to be done is for the two of you to sit down and discuss the way forward.

You should take some time and determine if you are willing to share him, that will help you decide on what to do next.

Ask him about how he expects you to handle the situation going forward. Let's hope he isn't selfish.

If both of you agree to stay together, then you need to establish some strategies to keep all three of you happy.

Question: I've been in a relationship for three years to a man who's got another girlfriend. They've been dating for four years. Sometimes he tells me his confused because he doesn't want to hurt us and whenever he does, he's all sorry. what do I do?

Answer: It seems that you have been dating this man while he's with another woman, and you knew about it all along.

In my opinion, I don't think he is confused. I think he loves you both but is afraid of losing any of you.

The question is, are you willing to stay with him going forward, even if he continues to see his girlfriend? Do you think his girlfriend knows about you?

If the answer is yes, then assure him that you love him and want to be with him despite the other relationship. Don't allow unnecessary tension because it will ruin your happiness.

Question: Why my does my boyfriend like to that our private moments with his friend?

Answer: Well, I don't know why your boyfriend would want to share your private moments with his friends.

I don't think it's right for him to do so. You need to talk to him and let him know that you are not happy about it.

Question: My wife (K) and I have been together for 10 years. The other woman (S) and I had a child, that, unfortunately, didn't make it. This happened at the beginning of K and I's relationship. No one ever knew of S and my relationship or child. Years later K and I are happily married with 3 children. S and I are now in contact. We know and have discussed, it's something deeper than lust. We know, in a short time frame, we have fallen for each other. With my heart torn I need help and/or advice. What do I do?

Answer: You have been married for 10 years, that sounds like something you should respect. If you have problems in your marriage, I suggest you talk to someone and seek professional help.

You have suggested that what you have with S is more than lust. Is she willing to respect your wife and leave her in peace?

Remember you have 3 children with K and those children will be looking up to you.

If you feel strongly for S, then it may be necessary to disclose to your wife and discuss the way forward. She will be hurt, but better she finds out from you. Give her time to get used to the idea of sharing you. If she eventually fails to agree to your new love, you may have to choose between the two of them.

Question: I'm in love with a guy for thirteen years. I always wanted him in the worse way to commit to me. He constantly cheats, but says he's in love with me. The problem is, he has another person he has fallen for. He says he has a love for that person but keeps going back and forth between the two of us. How do I stop this?

Answer: Thankfully this guy has been open about falling for the other person.

You could try talking to him and let him know that you aren't happy about him "going back and forth between the two of you." Asses his response.

If he is unwilling to change, and you aren't willing to share him anymore, it might be time for you to move on.

It may be hard to stop him from seeing other women. (Old habits die hard)

Question: Why do men feel their spouse shouldn't know he has taken on another woman or wife?

Answer: Every man has his own reasons for getting involved with a second woman.

There are a number of reasons why men may feel their spouse shouldn't know.

Sometimes it's because they aren't sure what reaction they will get from their spouse, or the community when they disclose.

Other times they are afraid to lose their marriage because of what value it adds to them.

Other times they just think they can have a little fun away from marriage and get away with it.

However, when they are ready to move on from a marriage, many times they will disclose the new relationship with the hope that it will help free them from a dysfunctional relationship.

Question: Recently, I found out that my boyfriend has a baby and still loves the kid's mother, but he said he doesn’t want to lose any of us. l am confused. What can I do?

Answer: It's possible that he loves you both. That's why he doesn't want to lose any of you.

The question is, do you love him enough to stay with him, knowing that he loves someone else at the same time?

If he has been treating you with respect and gives you quality time, then you could consider giving him a chance.

Set and agree on some reasonable ground rules on how your relationship should proceed.

If you choose this option, avoid any situation that will bring you into a confrontation with the other woman. It's not worth it, and it's possibly not her fault.

The other option is to walk away from the relationship, if you feel you aren't ready to share him.

Question: I've been with a married man for 6 years. From day one, he has said there is no love and they haven't shared a room since the 80s. His family says he's only happy with me, so why does he only consider her feelings? He's even kicked her out but felt bad when she couldn't make it. I'm confused!

Answer: I am not sure I understand what you mean by "why does he only consider her feelings?" From the information you have provided, your man is no longer in love with his wife. "He even kicked her out at some point".

I think your man is simply being human by feeling concerned about the welfare of his wife regardless of whether he loves her or not. Remember they have a history together.

In my opinion, this means he has a conscience, and to me, that is a good thing.

If he spends time with you, and his family acknowledges that he is happier with you, then I doubt he only considers her feelings.

You could be getting insecure, and it's understandable, but if you look at it with an open mind, you may find more happiness.

Question: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for four years now. A girl came between us and he started chatting with her. After two weeks, he says to me he has cheated on me with the girl. She calls and messages him regularly, he says he loves me more than anything and he will leave her, but the girl is still after him and she is saying she can't live without him, that she will commit suicide if he avoids her. What should I do in this situation?

Answer: Thank you for the question.

From the information you have provided, there is no indication that the girl is threatening you personally.

My suggestion is that you stay away from her. Don't involve your self with her.

This is something your boyfriend must deal with, because he got the two of you in this situation. He has to take responsibility.

The other girl is using blackmail to get your man, but I doubt she will commit suicide over him, unless she is mentally unwell.

Your boyfriend should talk to her and make the circumstances clear to her, and possibly find help for her, by talking to her friends or family if it is possible to find them.

Hopefully, that will help.

Question: A woman can love with a big heart just like a man and get into the same situation and love just as many people. I know. I have four men other than my husband in love with me now. I didn't start out that way, and have not had sex with any of them yet. Only kissed them. None know of each other. What do I do?

Answer: It is true that a woman can love more than one man at the same time.

From what you have stated, it seems that the men are in love with you. However, you haven't stated whether you are in love with them as well.

If you are in love with all four of them, it would be great if you could share your experience on how you have approached the situation until now.

I think the first thing you need to do is to determine if you actually love any of them, or all of them.

Then determine how you will be able to make them happy, and whether you can successfully continue seeing them in secret. That can be quite hard. Eventually, they will find out, and you may end up losing them all.

Question: I have been seeing a guy for over a year now when I met him he was involved with another woman and they were on a break. When she found out about me she decided she wanted them to start seeing each other again, my guy never stopped seeing me and we both already had strong feelings for each other.

This other woman is very aggressive, doesn't respect him, very demanding, nagging etc. I love him, we have no problems except for this other woman, what do you think I should do?

Answer: You need to have a talk with your guy and find out if he loves the 'other woman.' If he is still interested in being with her, then you will have to re-evaluate your relationship with him and decide whether you are ready to share him.

Question: I recently discovered my boyfriend of 3 and a half years has been in phone contact with his former girlfriend all this time. Says he's sorry. He has stopped the phone contact. Why do I feel so jealous and betrayed? We are senior citizens.

Answer: It's absolutely normal to feel jealous even for a senior. It's part of us as humans, so it shouldn't bother you much, as long as you don't do crazy things out of jealous. If he says he's sorry and has stopped the phone contact, you should give him a chance.

Question: Is it true that as a woman you need to give a man respect?

Answer: For any relationship to last, there must be mutual respect between the partners. The woman should respect the man, and the man should do the same. That is one way through which love can last a lifetime.

Question: I have a girlfriend but I am in love with another woman. The other woman knows how I feel about her but does not want to come between my girlfriend and me because they are also friends. How do I tell my girlfriend about my relationship with her friend without ruining their friendship? I also do not want to lose both off them.

Answer: It is quite hard to date two friends. The possibility of ruining their friendship and losing them both is real.

Does the other woman support the idea of telling your girlfriend about it? If yes, then there is a chance you'll lose only your girlfriend and not both of them.

Unless you can keep it a secret forever, soon your girlfriend will find out about it and will be hurt. Could be easier if she finds out from you

Question: My boyfriend is having another relationship but he told me he's no more in love with her. How do I know my boyfriend is really serious with me?

Answer: You should take a leap of faith and trust him.

How he treats you and your relationship will give you a clue about how serious he is.

Question: I have been dating this married guy for two months he said he loves me and always finds time to be with me. I am now pregnant and he reveals our affairs to the wife telling her he will still spend time with me and the baby. She was furious and wanted to leave and they argue and fight a lot. I love him too and wanted him to be happy and wanted to end everything but he said he loves me and wanted me to give him time to fix everything. What should I do as my lover tries to reconcile with his wife?

Answer: You should give him a chance to try and fix it with his wife.

His wife is going through a natural reaction which will ease with time. It's possible that she may accept the situation as it is. If she chooses to leave him, her decision should be respected

Question: We have been dating for more than 2 years and he starts having feelings for a girl who recently broke up with her boyfriend and leans on my boyfriend for emotional support. They have met and all and he told her he loved her but he never slept with her. He confessed everything to me and he is trying to get rid of her. Should I forgive my boyfriend after he reconnected with an ex?

Answer: If you believe he is genuine about ending it with the other girl, and you still love him, I believe forgiving him is worth a shot. You should evaluate your relationship and be sure that you will be happy staying with him.

Question: I am still in love with my ex. Just last month he called me and said we should get back together. But he is dating someone else. I asked him about his girlfriend and he said they are still together. He said he loves her but he loves me more. I am confused right now. I don't know if I should give him another chance. I'm scared of getting hurt again. Should I give my ex a second chance?

Answer: He has been honest with you about his relationship with the other girlfriend. What you have to do now is, to be honest with yourself self.

Can you take him back despite knowing that he has another woman?

Question: I am in love with a long time friend and coworker but not in a romantic way. My wife is also her friend but she gets mad and jealous when I text my friend. I am not sure if my friend loves me the same. How can I help my wife understand that I am fine with my feelings towards my coworker and happy to just be her friend?

Answer: Sometimes you can't control what your spouse believes. If you have made every effort to make her understand, then you can't blame yourself if she still has some doubts.

Remember trust needs to be earned. Are there certain things about your friendship that make it difficult for her to believe you?

Question: How can I make my partner confess that he met a new girlfriend on his trip?

Answer: Do you have some evidence? Present it to him.

I am not suggesting that you go following him, but evidence is the best way to make him confess.

If you don't have evidence, it's best to keep your peace for now.

Question: Can someone who loves you introduce you as a cousin to someone he doesn't have feelings for?

Answer: If he introduced you as a cousin, it definitely means he doesn't want that person to know about your relationship. The question is why?

He should give you a good explanation. Require him to be honest about it.

Question: He left me while saying he’s coming back sometime in the future. He has slept with seven women since and tells one of them he loves her. He also shares a room with her. All while doing this telling me he’s coming back to me and he loves me. How do I know that my boyfriend lies and that he does want me and love me?

Answer: If he is proud of sleeping with seven women and is only keeping you for the future, his love for you is questionable.

If you love him enough to wait, that's fine.

But he's going to come back with lots of baggage. Think about STIs.

© 2014 Ian Batanda

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