What Can Men Do if They're in Love With More Than One Woman at the Same Time

Updated on June 18, 2019
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Ian has experience in relationship and marriage counselling.

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I know what you are thinking. For a man to be involved with more than one woman at the same time, he must be utterly selfish. Men who do such a thing must be greedy, lustful losers with no consideration for the feelings of their female counterparts, right?

Such arguments are completely false. Simply because a man falls in love with more than one woman, does not mean he has a black heart. It is possible for men to be in love with more than one woman at the same time, because no two women are the same.

Some are good listeners, others are great cooks, and some have strong supportive personalities. If a man finds all of these traits in one woman, he has no reason to look elsewhere. Not everyone is this lucky, though.

A friend recently told me that when a man in a relationship finds himself in love with another woman, he is falling into a trap of emotional infidelity. To him, a man can only love and share his life with one woman. He believes a man is no longer in love with his girlfriend or wife, or that there may be a problem with their relationship, if he is beginning to fall for another woman.

But this can only be true if the man tries to hide his feelings. How he decides to deal with his newfound love is what will constitute the concept of cheating.

How does a man go about loving multiple women at the same time?

Most men believe the best thing to do is to keep their newfound love as far away as possible from their girlfriend or wife.

This is usually in an attempt to protect her from heartbreak, but it is a huge mistake. When a man does this, the newfound love becomes a secret affair, and secrets require one to lie–or to tell only part of the truth, instead of the whole truth–in order to stay secret. This can be legitimately considered cheating.

Many wonder why married people cheat rather than simply ending the relationship. This can be explained by the fact that the cheating partner still loves their mate, and, although they have found a new love, doesn’t want to lose them.

So how does a man go about loving multiple women at the same time without being considered a cheater?

Love thrives on truth, trust, and communication. As crazy as it may sound, the right thing for a man to do is to disclose his new love to his mate. If he doesn't tell her the truth, he will doubtless be branded a cheating, self-centered jerk with no morals–not just by her, but by other men, as well.

The man should tell his partner that he is in love with a new woman who's constantly on his mind. He should choose the moment to break the news with care.

When he does, he should explain his reasons without sounding lusty. The next step is for him to reiterate that his love for her has not been diminished by the new woman. If he doesn’t love her any more, he shouldn't waste her time. He must end the relationship right then and there.

A man should allow his mate the opportunity to give him her honest opinion on the matter. She is his first love, and he should value her opinion and her ultimate decision. If he has been genuine and honest, she is likely to listen and respond in kind.

If, by the end of the discussion, he finds there is room for a third person without destabilizing your domestic harmony, then he can go ahead with his new love. This cannot be considered cheating.

Source

Setting the Right Priorities

However, if she is in disagreement with his proposal, it is time for him to reevaluate the situation and set his priorities straight.

If he decides to continue his liaison with his new love, despite the objection, he is a cheat and probably deserves every bad name and insult which will inevitably be flung at him.

If he loves her so much he is unable to fess up to his extracurricular activities, he is probably afraid of losing her and should give it up. This is an indication that he is only built for exclusive love. He should stick with that.

Romantic Relationships Come With Drama

It is common knowledge that romantic relationships come with no shortage of drama and stress.

Therefore, a man who falls in love with more than one woman has an enormous heart. To think of a man who keeps up meaningful relationships with multiple women as selfish is to misrepresent the meaning of the word.

He willingly gives himself up to more than one woman, and volunteers valuable resources such as time and money to look after each of these women.

Without hesitation, he listens and offers a shoulder to lean on, and his big heart has room for all the drama that comes with relationships. He never yields, and on those very few occasions he does, he is confronted with insults rather than the tribute he deserves.

Questions & Answers

  • He says he’s in love with me and also his wife. How can I tell he means his devotion to both me and his wife?

    How he treats you can give you a clue.

    If he respects you, makes you feel important and treats you like a lady, then he probably loves you.

    If he is protective of his wife and does not allow you to say demeaning things about her ( including silly jokes) then he probably loves you both and he means it.

  • I am in love with a guy that has a girlfriend and I think he loves me too. I have tried to leave so many times, but my heart won't let me. He worries about her but he says he loves me. My heart starts to pound when I am not with him because I am worried someone will take him away. I get sleepless nights worrying that at the end he'll leave me for her. We spend so much time together and she's far away. I don't know what to do, how do I make this feeling stop? Do I let myself let him go?

    It appears you are deeply in love with this guy. Thankfully he says he loves you too. I wouldn't advise you to leave him if he makes you happy.

    You haven't stated whether he loves the girlfriend as well, possibly because you aren't sure about it.

    It's normal to get worried about someone taking him away from you. But in my opinion, being too worried will not help much.

    If he wants to be with you, he will choose you over her. If he doesn't, there isn't much you can do about it.

    My suggestion is that you maximize enjoying the time you spend with him. His girlfriend is far away and that should be to your advantage. Be happy to have him around. Make him feel comfortable and happy being around you. Engage in fun activities and enjoy the moments. That will help him want to be with you more, and possibly choose you.

    Try to avoid being clingy and needy as this is a turnoff and will push him away. It's not advisable to give him an ultimatum about his girlfriend, because you'll put unnecessary pressure on your relationship. Try not to think about what he's doing when you aren't together, because it will get you even more worried.

    However, you can encourage him to break up with his girlfriend if he is no longer in love with her. Let him know that you want to show him lots of love without sharing him.

    If he is still in love with her, he should say it to you clearly. This will help you decide if you are willing to stay and share him.

  • How can one deal with a man who loves multiple women?

    It can hurt to discover that your man loves another woman. There is no straightforward answer on how to deal with the man in this situation.

    But what you can do depends on your values as a person and your expectations from the relationship. If you are getting everything else you want from the relationship apart from exclusivity, then you have to decide which is more important to you. For example, if he provides for you and spends quality time with you without even bringing up the other woman, then you can decide to turn a blind eye on the other woman, and concentrate on your own relationship.

    It's easy to consider getting yourself into an affair with another man, as a way of getting even. To be honest, I wouldn't blame you if you did. After all, if he can cheat, then so can you. This is where your values come in. Are you ready to manage the stress that comes with having multiple partners? Will you be able to have enough time and attention for both men and your self?

    Think about Sexually transmitted infections. For this point, you must confront him especially if you have proof that he has other women.

    If on the other hand if he doesn't care about you that much anymore, and you feel he's no longer worth your time, you can consider leaving him and find someone who can make you happy and be yours exclusively.

  • How can a man deal with his wife and his girlfriend at the same time if is it love for both?

    Let's start from here: Is it love for both? The best person to answer this question is the man in such a situation.

    It can be love for both, but only you can tell what you really feel for each of them.

    Does the Girlfriend know that you have a wife? If yes, what does she think about it?

    Is she willing to keep away from your wife and respect your marriage? Does your wife know that you have a girlfriend? What does she think about it?

    Answering those questions can help you a great deal in determining how to deal with them. If either of them is hurt by the situation, you have to try and listen to their side and understand, if they feel like they can't continue with the relationship. At this point, you may have to decide whether you are ready to let them go in favor of the other.

    If neither of them knows about the other, you are in a tricky situation, because sooner or later the truth will be out, and you may lose both of them.

    My suggestion is this. A man in such a situation must inform the girlfriend about his wife from the start. If she is not willing to be the 'other woman', she'll try elsewhere. If he is in a community that accepts polygamy, he could marry both of them.

  • what should I do when my boyfriend has an affair with another girl? Should I break up with him?

    It's unfortunate that your boyfriend is having an affair with another girl.

    However, before you decide to break up with him (or not), there are a few things you should think about.

    Try talking to him and let him know that you found out about his affair. His response will tell you a lot about what he feels about your relationship. If he truly loves and respects you, he should be remorseful and will try to make it up to you.

    Is there something about your relationship with him, that could be the reason he's having an affair? You may have to openly talk to him about it and listen to his side of the story. If there is something that can be corrected, that would be a good starting point.

    I have learned from experience that no relationship is perfect. But in most cases, the issues can be resolved if both parties put in some effort.

    Most importantly, you need to evaluate your feelings for him and the relationship. This will help you determine if you still want to be with him. Ask your self, do you still love him? Do you need him for financial reasons? All these things will help you make a clearer decision.

© 2014 Ian Batanda

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    • profile image

      .... 

      4 weeks ago

      Hi I fell in love with a guy who's was going through divorce.. he said he loves me a lot and can't live without me.. but months later he told me that I has a child from his ex-gf but he doesn't love her as it was just an accident that she got pregnant and there was a Child.. now it's been 4 years. For us we got married but he keeps seeing the child and also told me that he can't leave his ex-gf he has sexsual relationship with both of us... I meet his ex-gf as well we both spoke to each other and as even she's is alone and has no one we decided that we will have two families.. but now I'm not able to take the pain knowing that my husband has physical relationship with both of us me and his ex-gf and I'm not able to take all this... I have also told him about the same but he keeps saying that he loves me a lot and cannot live without me but he can't leave his ex-gf and his child as they are all alone .. so I told him to take care of the child but he said his ex-gf wouldn't allow him to care of his child if he is not coming close to her.. he keeps saying that he is not willing to come close to her but he can't help it.. i don't know what to do .. I m not able to share me I'm confused..

    • profile image

      unita sharma 

      7 weeks ago

      we both are married we have a affair i am deeply love with him and he love me too but i am confused should i continue our relation of break up

    • Isivwe Muobo profile image

      Farrah Young 

      4 months ago from Nigeria

      I beg to differ in opinion here. It is very (emphasis on very) impossible for a man or a woman to be in love with more than one person at a time.

      We arent talking about casual love here. This is someone who has that soft spot to your heart, someone you are willing to give your life for.

      If you have more than one of such person, then something is wrong somewhere.

      Also, you can't say you fell inlove with someone else because the first person didnt have all you wanted. Expecting a person too is actually selfish.

      True love would embrace the good and accept the weaknesses. The way we want others to make allowances for us, is the way we should to others.

    • profile image

      Zeenia 

      5 months ago

      Hi.. I am a happily married woman from last 15 years and got involved with another man from last 5 years very deeply . I couldn’t think of anything else except this man in life . Gradually I realised this man is involved with other women .. and I found out the details that he was actually deeply involved with other 2 women ( as I have proof of very long night calls and texts ..) Out of two one has broken up..( which lasted almost 6 years ) but still he is in contact with other and involved with her from last two year whom he calls a great friend and denies to have an affair with her. He says he loves me and the other women is just a great friend and he can’t loose her because of my suspicion. He is married and very happy with his wife too! I am not able to have my peace of mind because of this third woman as I suspect we both are not at same levels ...

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      8 months ago

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      10 months ago

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      Linda 

      10 months ago

      So a man loves different women because each will have different personality traits, so why women doesn’t do the same, by the way some women also are considered cheaters when they do this, they ll fall in affairs as well, but in our society it is okay for a guy to hurt his wife heart but it is not okay for a women to hurt her husband heart. I know a friend that her husband loved her so much, he was so blind about her love, she nice & kind to him. She gave up lots for him as well. They been married for 7 years and they still love each others. He cheated on her after a trip they had last year. He was cheating on her till he found out she pregnant, she forgave him, however he didn’t stop communicating with her for almost 9 months during her whole pregnancy. She cried and she was stressed & he didn’t really care. How much it hurts when one time she asked him why do you love her? He was like because she was nice, sex freak, shy & cute. He was so frank but she was totally frustrated like never before. She used to feel that she is his princess, she just felt she is not perfect & she is incomplete & on the other hand he thought she is selfish. It is not that easy when a guy loves other women, it hurts a lot ;-( that is why many single moms are out there because they don’t trust guys anymore.

    • profile image

      louis will 

      10 months ago

      For three years i have been faithful to my HUSBAND. At first everything was sweet and smooth. he was really open to me but of late he kept more to himself. I am a very inquisitive person i need to know why the sudden change in attitude. I went on an adventure in search of a good hacker. Came in contact with MARKFAGERTECH AT GMAIL DOT COM. In less than 3 hour he got the job done and gave me details. it hurt because the same man i have been in love with and faithful to, turns out to be a cheat and a big liar. am indeed grateful to MARKFAGERTECH AT GMAIL DOT COM for knowing the truth all thank to him...

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      collins jack 

      10 months ago

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    • profile image

      george 

      11 months ago

      any man who loves his x and x's all of them cant ever appreciate the woman he shares all with, he has actions that destroy himself and his suppose to be girl, jungling these kinds of relationships are very very damaging and unhealthy, and they guy will lie, he cheats and takes from one woman to give to the other, so if the girls alright with it she too is a snake in life, its very discusting and men who hate women love whores online and dating sites,

    • profile image

      serti karper 

      13 months ago

      I marry in two a tennis .We love able extracurricular, we two women eat sleep, drive a cars. I in gym.

    • profile image

      MMEEOW 

      13 months ago

      Bravo to the author. I think its all a matter of perspective and it can be achieved lovingly.

      Thank You this has helped me alot.

    • profile image

      See the light. 

      14 months ago

      I think this is complete gobsmack. Whomever wrote this probably is a bit of a women glutton themselves.

    • profile image

      Bla 

      18 months ago

      Stupidest shit I ever read... i guess god gave you the light to know what women feel and how they should be.

    • profile image

      ILovedHim 

      21 months ago

      I was madly in love with Joey and knew he still loved his estranged wife. Shes the mother of his child.

      He hated on her and I told him he didnt have to do that with me and he was allowed to be her friend and love her for life. She helped him make his son. Thats a special bond.

      And then I fell in love with him so completely that I even said he could keep her half the week and me the other half for life if that was what would make him happy.

      Instead he got upset and started cheating on me and replacing his hate for her with me and ruined my life.

      I despise cheaters and heartless people.

      But I would have shared him in a closed committed relationship with her without problems had he gone about it the respectful way.

      I loved him that much.

      But I cant abide a cheater with no respect for me. I respected him. I would have never cheated on him. Im not like that. And it still hurts me to this day.

      She was more dominant. I respect that as Im more submissive. He needed a balance in order to not to become the man he did.

      He needed to be in control with me here because he relinquished control to her there.

      And I was all for that. But he was mean to me instead of loving and that was undeserved.

      He could have whipped me evwry night to get each days frustrations out and feel better and I would have never complained and loved every single love mark happily because I was his completely.

      It was the emotional hurt that really really caused me pain.

    • profile image

      RED 

      21 months ago

      My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. I got most of my things back from him 1 weeks ago, and we had “the talk”. According to him, he found someone better and went for it. He then proceeded to tell me that he’s moved on, and that I should too. I thought it was kinda funny because I have not given him any reaction since we’ve broken up, shown him how miserable I am, talked to him only when necessary (we work together), but never about us. The thing is, that it’s clear out in the open that was with someone new, it confused me why he still stared at me. At first, I thought it was only my imagination, until other co-workers actually started noticing it too. Is he staring at me so that he can feel better that he’s found the “better one”? i wondered. He was also cold towards me at work, which others noticed, I continued being my cheerful self at work from Day 1 after the breakup, so my friends seem to think that he was trying to hurt me for not giving any reaction. I still loved him, and wanted to get back together with him. I didn’t know this new girlfriend did something to him to make him forget about me. I got to know after one of my co workers introduced me to Dr Power who mends broken heart and relationships. Dr Power helped me break what the girl has done on my boyfriend and he came back to me begging me to have him back. we are living together again. Dr Power's contact email is powerfulexback@gmail.com. Do well to contact him if you're facing love issues via his direct email powerfulexback@gmail.com

    • profile image

      lily 

      21 months ago

      I am not disagree or agree with the topic or I am not saying it's wrong or right. This is just my point of view. I believe as human being we already are born with the nature of searching for love and searching for pleasure. So it's natural. However, if you can find two women fall in love with or two men fall in love with you at the same time and you all agree to share happiness together is fine - good for you - I am not saying it's wrong or right as long as no one get hurt. however, the point of saying this person has an enormous heart - his heart or her heart can love and share to more than one.... I can look at this as more like Greed. (but of course) we all have greed. I still think the one with bigger heart is the one who only love, give, and share and not asking in return. Unconditional love, and you can't really find unconditional love in man and woman relationship. Only, holy man who lives their lives to satisfy their own desire - sex, money, fame, etc....but to serve and help people. That is the man I call with enormous heart.

    • profile image

      lily 

      21 months ago

      I am in the situation where I am dating my boyfriend for many years - we don't live in the same house but our house is closed to each other. Anyway, we had a lot of fun when we're together but there are times I want to kick his behind real bad. I mean he is a pain and so I am too I guess. Up and down. We both don't want to have kids, we love our freedom and so we both don't really care about marriage and we both have many nieces and nephews, grandparents etc...so we enjoy our family's picnic, holidays...etc...but and then we have our own happy quiet time. ....and then I met a married guy at work - we hang out, we talk, and we attract to each other big time. and is it so weird knowing him for only a year and the first 3 months I realized and confirmed he's the one for me - I feel like I belong to him and realized I felt in love with him. So ...I kept the distance - I avoid seeing him, basically, I hide from him because I know we are not available for each other - he's married - I am loyal with my long time boyfriend. I try to compare - the two of them. I still attract to my boyfriend - I still have fun with him and he is totally loyal to me. The other one he's so cute, easy to talk to, seem like he understand me just like that.....long story short. In conclusion, I have feeling for both of them. I have physically desire for both of them. HOWEVER, one thing I KNOW about myself. I CAN'T NEVER DATE TWO GUYS at the same time. The FEELING is WAY too confusing. I only can be with one person at a time. And that's me. So yes, you can attract and love two guys - but I can only be with one and not the other.

    • profile image

      Sissy 

      22 months ago

      I'm in love with a married guy. He brought me home to meet his wife. She is a very nice person, I don't feel weird about it , I love him. We take it day by day. I would never cheat , just to dangerous in this day and age. He is clean , so is she. She doesn't live a crazy sexual lifestyle and neither do I. I'm not sure how honest he is with her about me. We've never had a group conversation about it. It's almost like a "we all know, let's not talk about it thing". I think he gets stretched between us a lot as we both are very demanding of his attention. I think it's hard for him to balance that so I try not to give him a headache about it. He is my soulmate.

    • profile image

      Ade 

      22 months ago

      It's strange what we can think up.

      If men can open up to their wives and so be allowed to take a second or third, we should as well Annalise women doing same and being allowed to take a second and third husband probably living under the same roof.

      The world is full of odds.

    • profile image

      Ella 

      2 years ago

      Women can love more than one man as well. I don't think men should say what women can do and what they can't. It's ridiculous as you are not a woman, so you can't say women are better off loving one man. You say it only because you don't want to share your girls but except them to share you. Women are able to love many men as well. It's a fact, not everyone is the same, some women may want to commit to one but some genuinely can't stay with only one

    • Maria Cecilia profile image

      Maria Cecilia 

      2 years ago from Philippines

      when I was younger it was always 2 men, not that I played around but in a group of friends I always like 2 among the group. Funny this is very encouraging for women in love with a married man or committed though not yet married. but based on what I know, one one man out five chose the new found love over the original.

    • profile image

      biglove 

      3 years ago

      I am a man that has been in love with multiple women. I am married and, even beforemy wife and I began dating over 10yrs ago, I was honest at the beginning of our new relationship. I was upfront about my desires of having multiple loves in my life and to share that relationship openly with my, eventual, wife. This has allowed us to maintain one of the strongest and best relationships with another person that I have ever had. We share an openess that I had never fully truly known previously and even before I begin a new relationship with a partner I discuss it openly with my wife. Sometimes she likes to be involved and recently we had a 2yr relationship where we all shared our home and our lives together. This doesn't mean we never had problems and occasionally jealousy came up between my partners (usually because one or the other wanted sex and walked in on activities) but those feelings quickly evaporated as we all continued to be open and honest with each other. In moments of jealousy we would talk it through and we made sure that we all gave each other the private space needed and we developed a way to manage our relationships that didn't require us to hide it from the community or our friends. The complete openess actually brought our friends closer to us and, even our devout religious friends, accepted our relationship as something pure from love and we were not judged like we initially feared may happen. I never wanted to be a man that was seen as a cheater or many of the other words that are said. I truly believe that honesty and trust are the keys to any and all relationships. My wife and I have been together now for over 10yrs and we only recently ended our last relationship because she wasn't ready for children but my wife and I are. So I guess what I'm saying is that the author of this article is very right. Any person can love more than one person and to have a heart that is capable of such capacity is a wonderful thing. However, to have a partner, or partners, who can also share in that capacity is a truly blessed experience and my love for my wife has only grown stronger because of what we've shared for, and with, each other.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago

      I don't believe it's possible to truly be "in love" with more than one person.

      The reality is if you were "in love" with the (first person) you wouldn't make the time to date and get to know the (second person) in a romantic sense.

      You'd be too busy planning romantic getaways, buying cards & gifts "just because" and looking forward to building a life together.

      On the other hand I do believe it's possible to love/care about more than one person. However that's a big difference from being "in love".

    • Rae-LeighDawn profile image

      Rae-LeighDawn 

      4 years ago

      Women can be in love with two men at the same time as well. I think women are more scared of men than men are of women

    • ian 12am profile imageAUTHOR

      Ian Batanda 

      4 years ago

      Women tend to relate differently when it comes to Love. They require a deep emotional attachment in order to be able to open up and express themselves freely. Unlike Men, women love more with the heart and less with the mind. They are thus better off loving one man twice as much. This is true because they are unlikely to remain balanced and rational if they were to lead a polygamous relationship. If one however feels she can manage, the only way to do it without cheating is by letting her man know about her second love. If he agrees, then it's a go.

    • CyberShelley profile image

      Shelley Watson 

      4 years ago

      What about women with big hearts - do they just get to love one man twice as much or can they also love two men and just take the best parts of each? LOL

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