How to Deal with a Snoring Spouse
A Snoring Spouse Can Ruin a Marriage
Some spouses have to deal with a snoring spouse every night. They go to bed, try to fall asleep, and then hear a noise as though a dysfunctional machine had decided to keep them company that night! This makes them complain that, “My husband (or wife) snores so loud I can’t sleep!”
The noise made by a snoring spouse can make one so angry that he may want to hit his spouse, or he may even wish his spouse went on vacation to Mars and never returned!
The Sleep Disorders Center of Rush University Medical Center conducted a scientific study and found out that there is a higher divorce rate among couples where one spouse snores.
Snoring can put a great strain on marriage. A snoring partner’s snoring noise can cause sleep deprivation in his spouse. This can make that spouse irritable and that can cause him to flare up at any slight misunderstanding. As a result, there can be frequent fights in the home. A husband’s snoring or wife’s snoring can, therefore, contribute to ruining marriage.
Some partners prefer to sleep in a different room when the snoring of their spouse affects their sleep, but this can affect the harmony and bonding in the marriage.
What can you do to cope with a snoring spouse so that the situation will not affect your marriage and cause a rift in the relationship?
The first step is to make your spouse see that there is a problem.
Get Your Spouse to Acknowledge He Snores
If your spouse does not recognize that there is a problem, there is no way he will co-operate with you to solve the issue. A person who snores does not hear the noise he makes, obviously. He can therefore deny he snores and may even accuse you of trying to disgrace him just to score cheap “romantic points”—he may accuse you of wanting to get back at him because you may have a score to settle with him. Therefore, make an effort to record your spouse’s snoring and play it back to him to convince him that there is a problem.
Tell Him How You Feel
After you find a way to let your spouse know that there is a problem, have a discussion with him and let him know how you feel. This will release you emotionally and prevent bitterness which may lead to fights.
Let your spouse know that his snoring affects you. Tell him this when you are in a relaxed mood, and not early in the morning when you have just woken up angry because he has deprived you of sleep. You may choose to say it somewhere in the evening when you come home from work, after you have both had your dinner and are watching television.
Focus the discussion on how you feel. Do not attack your spouse or blame him for the situation. You may say something such as, “I have been finding it difficult to sleep of late because you snore. I think we should find a solution to this problem. I am willing to support you to solve this problem so that we can keep sleeping in the same room.” Do not say, “You disturb me whenever you sleep. Your snoring is irritating. Find a solution for it or else I will sleep in another room!”
Patience is the ability to endure something that is irritating without losing your cool. It is the determination to control your anger when you are being provoked.
You will need to be patient, if you want to deal with a snoring spouse. Decide that you will endure the situation, even if it hurts you. After all, you agreed to “…for better or for worse.” This is the “for worse” part of marriage!
When you hear those irritating sounds, say to yourself, “I will be patient. I must be patient because I also do things that irritate my spouse.”
Try to empathize with your snoring spouse. Look at the whole situation from the perspective that your spouse is sick and needs you to show concern and care for his situation.
Do your best not to get angry with him and to let his condition affect the way you relate to your spouse because that will not solve the issue. Instead, always remind yourself that you are your spouse’s helper and so it is your duty to show understanding and love.
Research has shown that when you put on weight around your neck, it can cause your throat to narrow when you sleep which in turn makes one snore louder. However, losing weight can help to improve the situation.
If your spouse is overweight, encourage him to lose weight. Make it easy for him to desire to start exercising by offering to do the exercises together with him. This will help you to kill two birds with one stone as you can bond better as a couple while you help your spouse to burn some fat.
Some of the exercises you can help your spouse to do to lose weight are:
- Brisk walking. To make it more exciting, choose a distance in your neighborhood that you will walk briskly on every morning. Challenge each other to brisk walking competitions. For example, if your spouse decides to walk 100 meters, tell him you will walk 150 meters and try to do it. Make it a sort of game so that the periods of exercising will be fun.
- In addition to brisk walking, other exercises you can do to lose weight are: swimming, jogging, bicycling, working out on the stationary bike, aerobic dancing, running, rope jumping, and sports such as soccer. Just as in the example above, come up with ideas to make the time of exercise fun. So, for example, you can challenge each other to a rope jumping contest to see who will reach a count of 500 first. A reward could then be given to the winner—you could each contribute $25 to the contest and the winner would take away the $50.
Let Your Spouse Sleep on His Side
When I was in secondary school I used to sleep on my back. Some of my roommates complained to me that I snored whenever I slept. That made me decide to try sleeping on my side and the feedback I got was that I was not snoring anymore.
If your spouse sleeps on his back, encourage him to try sleeping on his side or on his stomach. Reward him with kisses or a romantic lovemaking session if he chooses to change his sleeping position. Furthermore, when he inadvertently turns onto his back during his sleep, wake him up and tell him gently to sleep on his side again. This is one great way of dealing with a spouse that snores for it can prevent quarrels.
There are some types of pillows that can help to prevent your spouse from sleeping on his back. Your spouse may have to get one of these pillows if he continues to shift back to lying on his back whenever he sleeps.
Communicate with Respect
Although the snoring is irritating you, do not let it make you feel bitter towards your spouse. Moreover, try not to remember the inconvenience he causes you at night, when fights occur. Rather, continue to communicate properly with him so that your relationship will remain strong. This is one good way of dealing with a snoring spouse.
When thoughts of anger and bitterness threaten to invade your mind, push them away with thoughts of how your spouse has been good to you and how he has produced warm feelings in your body through the various romantic acts he has done to show his love for you.
If your partner snores, earplugs can help to ameliorate the situation. Therefore, do window shopping to discover a pair that will fit your ears perfectly. You may feel some discomfort when you start using them, but repeated use will help you to adjust. This device will help you to block out snoring noise so that you can enjoy your sleep after a hard day’s work.
God has got the track record of healing people of all sorts of diseases. As reported in the Bible, He healed lepers, blind people, epileptics, and lame people, in the past. Today, people give testimonies of ways in which God has healed them of one incurable disease or the other, every day.
If the snoring is still an issue after you have done all you can possibly do, look up to God. Pray to Him to bring deliverance so that you can have a happy marriage. Pray a prayer such as, “Dear Father, Isaac has been disturbing me with his snoring. It really irritates and annoys me. I want it to end so that I can have a restful sleep any time I lay on our marital bed. I know You heal diseases and solve tough problems. Please heal Isaac of this disease. Amen.”
Some of the ways to deal with a snoring spouse are to get him to see the gravity of the situation, to talk about the issue, try to be understanding, try to make your spouse lose weight, make every effort to be patient, and to seek God’s help. Doing these things will help you to maintain the peace in your relationship so that this problem does not destroy the harmony between your spouse and you and cause a divorce like it has done in other marriages.
How to Deal with a Snoring Spouse
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio
Frustrated on January 12, 2020:
Wy wife doesnt care. She is happy to let me sleep on the futon. She is actually happy to be overweight as well. She values junk food over our marriage. She just wanted someone with a good job to keep her comfortable. Seriously our entire marriage is centered on her comfort. I live like a pauper so she can have 3 dozen shoes and tons of clothing much of which is too small for her to wear. 3x per year we are hauling seasonal clothing into storage becausevour closets are too small to hold it all.
I guess snoring isnt really the issue. She just has no respect for me.
Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio (author) from Ghana on August 16, 2018:
God does exist but He works in His own way. His ways are not our ways. And yes He allows suffering not because He is cruel but because He is sovereign.
Tina on August 15, 2018:
Pray?? That's one of your suggestions? Don't you think that if God existed, he'd be more concerned about curing world hunger or eliminating animal abuse from this world, than worrying about someone who has a snoring spouse??
Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio (author) from Ghana on January 04, 2018:
Try getting one of the pastors in his church to talk to him. Also, try and get friends or family members he respects to talk to him. And keep on praying. God will hear your prayers and change him.
Parri on January 01, 2018:
My husband snores every night and I can't sleep at all. I have tried all points you have talked about in this article unfortunately my husband doesn't care how I feel or how I don't get any sleep. He has told me this himself. I have prayed about it and yet no healing. I feel discouraged like God doesn't hear or want to heal my husband. My husband told me to deal with it (snoring). Sometimes I just lay in bed crying, I'm going crazy. I hate my husband right now for not caring how it affects me. He is mean. Did I mention he's a Pastor! I'm just sad,hurt and discouraged. I don't know what to do. I'm praying for God to do a miracle in me where I can sleep with his snoring.