9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You and What to Do About It

Updated on July 3, 2018
thehands profile image

Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. He's seen many people—including himself—get seduced and hurt by love.

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Why Am I Being Ignored?

Is your boyfriend suddenly taking longer to reply when you text him? Is he not responding at all? Are you calling him over and over, and he won't pick up the phone?

If it's only been a few hours, then it's probably not something to worry about. He could just be busy or in the shower. However, if it's been more than a day or so, and your boyfriend is still acting like you don't exist, then no one would blame you for being a little concerned.

Assuming that there hasn't been some kind of emergency, it could be that your boyfriend is ignoring you deliberately. This will be especially clear to you if you notice that he is still active on Facebook or if he's still hanging out with your other friends. Obviously, if he can be bothered to "like" his brother's latest status update, but he can't even respond to your calls, then something is fishy.

What could be wrong, though? Why is your boyfriend ignoring you? Well, there could be literally hundreds of reasons why your boyfriend is ignoring you, but let's narrow it down to the most common ones. Chances are, he's ignoring you for some version of the following reasons mentioned below.

9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You

  1. He's mad at you and can't deal with it.
  2. Talking to you brings him down.
  3. You always want something from him.
  4. He feels smothered and needs space.
  5. He is considering a breakup.
  6. He's preoccupied with something major in his life.
  7. He's cheating on you.
  8. He hates talking on the phone.
  9. He's tired of people.

Protip

No matter what the reason is, if your boyfriend is ignoring you, do not try to follow him around and badger him into paying attention to you. Doing so will make you appear needy, and it will drive him away.

1. He's Mad at You and Can't Deal With It

Have you ever been mad at someone, but didn't know how to articulate your feelings, so you just ghosted them for a while? This could very well be the case with your boyfriend.

In particular, if your boyfriend is ignoring you after a fight, then you can pretty safely assume that it has something to do with your argument. It could be that he doesn't want to jump into all of the negativity again and think about your problems. Naturally, talking to you reminds him of all of that negativity.

It's kind of like the "gorilla in the room" situation. He can't see you without the hidden pressure of all of the unsaid things, but he doesn't want to talk about it, either.

If you want to get him to stop ignoring you, the first thing you need to do is try to remember your last interaction. Were you unpleasant to him? Were you unfair to him? Did you push him to address something that he didn't want to talk about, and he just clammed up?

While communication is important in a relationship, and arguments are just part of that, it's important not to get too personal in your fights. Even if he is ignoring you, he is probably reading your texts, so send him a message and tell him that you want to understand his perspective. Invite him to convey his feelings to you in a non-judgmental way, and don't blame him for what happened between you.

Does this mean that you should act like a doormat? No!

Don't approach him with profuse, needy apologies. Just tell him that you want to understand the situation.

The same goes if you didn't have a fight and he seems to be ignoring you for no apparent reason. Contact him and tell him that you want to understand what's going on. If your boyfriend is ignoring your texts even after you explain your intentions, then he could just need some time to cool off, or it's something else.

Maybe he's mad at you for no good reason but expects you to psychically know.

Some people are just like this. Every little thing offends them, and they will never directly tell you about it. Basically, it turns into a huge guessing game trying to figure out why they're giving you the silent treatment. My advice is to just forget someone like this and ignore him right back.

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2. Talking to You Brings Him Down

"Why is my boyfriend ignoring my texts?"

Maybe because you only text him to complain about your life.

Do you start most of your conversations off with negativity and complaining? This is actually really common. It's also common to be in denial about it. If your first reaction was, "Oh, no, I'm not a negative person at all!" then look through your text thread with your boyfriend.

What were the last few things that you talked about?

Were they mostly you complaining about something that happened during your day? Do you gossip about people? Do you bring drama into his life? Do you never seem to have anything nice to say?

Even if your boyfriend is the same way, he still might find it draining to talk to someone like this. If you are very negative, consider changing your mental habits—not so much for his sake, but for yours.

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3. You Always Want Something From Him

Are you always asking your boyfriend for lots of favors? Do you ask him to do something for you every time you call? It may be hard to think about this objectively, but you may be asking more of your boyfriend than you realize. Your boyfriend might be ignoring you simply because he doesn't want to keep helping you with random tasks.

Some guys like doing their girlfriends lots of little favors, but most guys don't, and some guys really don't. One good way to tell that a guy doesn't have that sort of "helpful" personality is if he never asks you for favors either.

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4. He Feels Smothered and Needs Space

This is another common reason why your boyfriend might be ignoring you. It's not a good reason since he really should be upfront and tell you that he needs space, but a lot of people who are afraid to speak their minds do this.

He could feel suffocated for many reasons. Some of them might not even be your fault necessarily; he could just be the kind of person who needs a lot of time alone, and you've been hanging around too often. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by turning you down, so he's just been ignoring you instead.

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5. He Is Considering a Breakup

It's sad but true: some people are just too cowardly to tell you the truth, so they decide to "ghost" you instead. It could be that your boyfriend is considering leaving you--or has already decided on it—and rather than having a long, painful conversation with you about it, he's ignoring you.

He might be contemplating how to tell you, but can't bring himself to face you in the meantime. He could also just be secretly hoping that you'll take the hint and disappear from his life.

Obviously, whether someone would do this or not depends on their maturity level and how much they value the relationship. Think back towards the past: has he ever refused to communicate about something before? Did he ever avoid telling you something important because he thought it would hurt your feelings? Have you ever seen him give a friend the cold shoulder rather than discussing the issue?

These could all be signs that he has trouble expressing what he wants openly. If he really is avoiding and ignoring you because he's too afraid to tell you, then maybe you're better off single. It sounds terrible, but relationships like these really aren't worth it.

Why is My Boyfriend Ignoring My Texts?

The last time your boyfriend ignored your texts, what was his excuse?

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6. He's Preoccupied With Something Major in His Life

Your boyfriend's whole world probably doesn't revolve around you—nor should it. (And if your world revolves around him, then stop it.)

It is possible that he is deeply preoccupied with a huge life change or event, and has simply been too absorbed in that to contact you. Of course, that's no excuse to not say anything, but at least it's a reason.

Consider this possibility especially if you tend to be very demanding on your boyfriend's time. Ironically, if you don't have a tendency to call your boyfriend a million times per day, and calls from you are relatively rare, he's much more likely to answer.

However, if you constantly want to spend hours upon hours talking on the phone, and hours more hanging out in person, then he'll realize that replying to you is a huge time commitment. If he's short on time, he may put off contacting you and end up forgetting about your texts and calls.

Again, that's not necessarily a good excuse, but it's understandable to a degree. If you have a needy girlfriend who wants constant attention, but you are in the middle of writing your dissertation, you're going to ignore at least a few calls.

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7. He's Cheating

Just because your boyfriend is ignoring you, there's no need to get paranoid and jump to conclusions automatically. Before you decide that he's unfaithful, you need to assess many different suspicious behaviors, not just one.

But if he's been ignoring you a lot and hanging out with other random women, then you might want to consider this possibility. Again, there is no need to go totally psychotic on him, but you should think about taking some steps to figure out if he has been hanging out with other women instead of hanging out with you.

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8. He Hates Talking on the Phone

It could be that he simply hates talking on the phone, so he habitually ignores all phone calls. In that case, it's nothing personal; he probably didn't even know that it was you who was calling because he might have not even glanced at his phone.

For some people, it's hard to fathom how anyone in this day and age could dislike playing with their phone, but your boyfriend could be part of this minority. I've definitely been guilty of this myself and I have ignored phone calls from the women in my life. Sometimes you just don't want to be bothered with pressing a hot piece of metal and glass to your ear.

If you think that this might be the problem, then try texting him instead and just waiting for him to get back to you. You could also try seeing him in person. You might find that he never noticed that you had called.

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9. He's Tired of People (That Means You, Too)

Some guys are very introverted and regularly "unplug" from their social life. In other words, he could be ignoring you on purpose—but only because he's ignoring everyone else, too.

This might seem unfair to you, but it's just a fact of life that some people need more silence than others. It would have been polite of him to tell you what he needed ahead of time, but some women can get loud and complain about that sort of thing (which defeats the purpose of silence).

What do you do if your boyfriend is ignoring you because he just happens to be one of these intense introverts?

Nothing. You just wait. If you can't handle it, that's perfectly understandable. Let him know that a relationship like this just isn't for you.

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What to Do When Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You?

Now that you know some reasons why you are being ignored, the question remains: what do you do? You can't just sulk in your room all day pining for your boyfriend to contact you, instead you have to go out and do something productive.

  • Hang Out With Your Friends: Go out and meet up with your friends and do something fun. Doing this will help take your mind off the situation, plus who doesn't like having a fun time with friends? You can also try turning your phone off entirely during this time, so you don't obsess about your boyfriend contacting you.
  • Do Something Active Without Your Phone: Another great strategy is to disconnect and do an activity without your phone. Going for a run, hike, swim, or bike ride are all great options. Getting out in the world without your phone is a great way to relax and not dwell on the situation. Plus it's good for your health!
  • Watch a Movie or Read a Book: With Netflix and Amazon, you have plenty of options when it comes to getting movies or e-books at the touch of a finger. Pick something that will capture your attention and relax. Again, turning your phone off enhances this greatly as you won't become distracted by anyone.

How to Get Your Boyfriend to Stop Ignoring You

For many people, it is not so much the why but the how—namely how do you get your boyfriend to stop giving you the silent treatment? Here are some strategies to help you get him to start talking to you again.

  • Remain Calm and Composed: Don't hassle your boyfriend and don't appear frazzled or upset, all that will do is make the situation worse. Instead, take a relaxed approach and wait for him to respond to you. Trying to call him multiple times or sending multiple texts will not help the situation get better, be courteous and respectful.
  • Be Straightforward: Let him know that you are concerned and that you feel that he is acting in a way that makes you think he is ignoring you. Don't go accusing him of anything, simply state how you are feeling.
  • Change Your Perspective: As I've stated before, there are many legitimate reasons why he is not responding to you. Take a step back and try to see things through his perspective. He could very well have a lot of other things going on in his life that require his immediate attention. His world does not revolve around you, and your world should not revolve around him.

The Waiting Game

How long has your boyfriend been ignoring you?

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Questions & Answers

  • I asked my boyfriend if our relationship is over, but he didn’t respond. What does that mean?

    It probably means you should move on. Silence is telling. Don't waste your time on a guy who is unsure.

  • My boyfriend has been ignoring me for one month and few days. What should I do?

    It sounds like he might not be your boyfriend anymore.

  • My boyfriend is ignoring me. I have called, texted, and even chatted him up. He has seen my messages and still has not replied to me, neither has he returned my calls for three weeks. What do you think I should do?

    It sounds like you don't have a boyfriend anymore. I guess you would just do what any other single person would do, because that's what you probably are now.

  • My boyfriend has been ignoring me for a day and some hours now, after suddenly ending a conversation about his sleeping with another girl. What does that mean?

    It probably means that you don't have a boyfriend anymore.

  • How can I tell if my boyfriend is not that into me?

    It depends on the person, but if he ignores you a lot and doesn't seem interested in spending any time with you, then I would say that's a good sign.

© 2017 Jorge Vamos

Comments

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    • profile image

      Jessixa 

      2 days ago

      My boy friend of 7 years has nobeen slowly pulling away for one year now. It started by jim not texting me then i xiilnt talk to him at work jow he has his own room and has just started to stop having sex with me what do i do i depend on him financially

    • profile image

      Juliet p adetunji 

      5 weeks ago

      My boyfriend has been ignoring close to one week and my mum called that he sent money to her.is he still interested in me?

    • profile image

      Stones Parker 

      7 weeks ago

      There's nothing than be neglected by partners,a lady may suffer trauma if she thinks too much about how her boyfreind treat her.....and if you wish to know what you your boyfreind is up to from his calls,messages and social media activities.....i can guarante you cyberhost998 @ gmail dot com

      Contact cyberhost998 @ gmail dot com to help you out

    • profile image

      Trix 

      8 weeks ago

      My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago. As the months go by, he spends more and more time sitting outside after work. He will talk to his friends and family on the phone or if they visit he comes inside for a while but barely stays inside long enough when it is just us to eat before he is back outside again and ignoring me. I stay home all day taking care of the house and our two dogs who have separation anxiety and can barely get out of the house sometimes. I am starting to feel lonely and depressed but he doesn't seem to care. He apologizes when I bring it up then does it again the next night. I get he works a lot so he deserves to relax but why can't he relax inside? Heck, he used to complain about not being able to play video games after work at his old job or stay up and relax, now he can but he would rather stay outside and kill his phone battery. What do I do?

    • profile image

      Barbie doll 

      2 months ago

      My boy friend ignored me for 14 days i tried call and send text messages but he not respond

    • profile image

      Anon 

      2 months ago

      So I'm going through quite a traumatic thing right now and my boyfriend knows about it. He hasn't replied to my texts or call for 7 hours. I've been spacing my texts about 3-4 hours apart in case he needs space but he knows that I really need his support. I'm a little Burt by it and I don't know what to do. Any advice?

    • profile image

      camille 

      2 months ago

      my boyfriend is ignoring me for 2 days what does that mean?

    • profile image

      Annette 

      2 months ago

      All too familiar...man chases woman, tells her everything she wants to hear, she falls in love and then once he has moved on she left feeling unwanted and loved, seeking his love and attention, bewildered why he is no longer there for her. We then get advise like this where we are not supposed to contact him....okay, overwhelming him with texts and messages or calls is one thing,but when you have little contact and you are still waiting it becomes a waiting game, a game where you no longer have the priority in this man's ;life you once had. Too many times we seek what we once had and then we ladies become pursuers and I think that's when things go wrong. Guys cannot appreciate the chase from us.

    • profile image

      terri haymoire 

      2 months ago

      me and my boyfriend always fighting and annoys me around people and it hurts a lot he talks to friends and others girls on xboxs and annoys me all day and night and i don't like it i told him he always do it again and he lets his friend talk crap about me he won't stand up for me im getting tried of being with him but i love him but his not loving me right his hurting me i can't take another lie from him what should i do ?

    • profile image

      Misha 

      2 months ago

      Hi I really need some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and over the past few weeks weve become even closer. We were texting really nice things last night then I called him this morning and he didn't answer but text me saying he doesn't no what to do. I tried to speak to him to understand but he's refusing to answer the phone and is being really cold towards me. Is it me or is there someone else? I'm not the type to call him a thousand times a day we both have our own space so I know it can't be because he feels smothered? Do I ignore him when he does try to call?

    • profile image

      Hana 

      3 months ago

      We’ve been dating for almost 3 months.. recently he doesn’t text me back but he still sees my messages. When I’m chatting with a friend through Facebook messenger I see he is online and I call him but then he doesn’t pick up my calls.. btw we are in a long distance relationship and he is in the marines (his base is in the USA) don’t know if to worry or not :(

    • profile image

      Jenna 

      3 months ago

      Last time I think my boyfriend wants me just for sex. He ever says he loves me, he seem to care about me, he ever speaks about a common future so I think that maybe I am just paranoic. But I noticed that we really understand each other, and have good conversations just when we talk about sex.

    • profile image

      LoveFrankie 

      3 months ago

      My boyfreind never tells me he loves me any more and he takes way to long to reply.he hasnt text me back in three days.Does he not want me anymore???

    • profile image

      Kerry Adams 

      3 months ago

      I want my boyfriend back together for good this time he didn’t dump me if he does it not worth it anymore please support me

    • profile image

      kayla 

      4 months ago

      my boyfriend talks to other girls in dms but i mean they r just friends so i dont wanna jump into conclusions but he's been ignoring me for the past few hours n im afraid he's hanging out with one of the girls idk what to do

    • profile image

      paired 

      4 months ago

      my boyfriend is mad because i watched anime without him now he's ignoring me :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

    • profile image

      Anonymous 

      4 months ago

      I’ve been in a relationship for 5 months now but the last 2 months he has been ignoring me because he was preparing for his exam and I just assumed that he must be preparing because he ik the middle of nowhere dissappeared. I waited really long now and apparently he has another exam coming up and so its 2 momths now and he still wont come also i talk alittle to his sister so I KEEP GETTING TO KNOW About him. I messaged him on whatsapp because I know he has his phone and kept calling him and he blocked me with no response. Don’t know what to do...

    • profile image

      Mal 

      5 months ago

      My boyfriend goes online and doesn't read my messages. I know he isn't cheating for certain but he knows i get really sad when over a day goes by and I get no response. I guess I should move on.

    • profile image

      Sade 

      5 months ago

      My boyfriend is in JobCorps he has no WiFi and sometimes he would reply to me in the afternoon or when he about to go to sleep

    • profile image

      Virginia Ubina 

      5 months ago

      My boyfriend got mad when i ask him why he reply late in my messages..He reply that i have nothing to say good,i dont messages him.so i did that..but he never message me to console.

    • profile image

      Misty page 

      5 months ago

      My boyfriend

      Today was our one week mark and he still has not responded or any thing since late last week what should I do?

    • profile image

      kim 

      6 months ago

      its been months. we barely talk. "im busy." for over 3 months youve been busy? not even going to try to respond for weeks in a row? okay then....

    • profile image

      Jordan 

      6 months ago

      My boyfriend has not been responding on looking at what I send him. He gave a lame excuse saying his phone died and texted me 2 days later.

    • profile image

      Theresa 

      7 months ago

      I am just interested in a guy and we have been talking for about two nights once in a week and he asked me about my ex BF and I told him the truth and now I am texting him and texting him on what's app but he is not replying at all. I texted him on Saturday night and he just rang at 10pm n than he put his phone off...I am not sure if he is interested in me too or not. Please help. It's my second time to get into a relationship

    • profile image

      Fanny500 

      7 months ago

      As a communicator, being ignored is like torture to me.

      My boyfriend didn't show up to my birthday celebration on the weekend, and didn't text or call to say he couldn't make it. Being intoxicated, I sent some angry messages.

      Anyway, after almost 48 hours of no contact, I got a hold of him briefly at work. He told me some lame excuse and said he didn't reply because I "lost my mind" and didn't want to engage with me.

      We were supposed to talk about it Monday night, but I haven't heard from him since Monday around supper time...it's now my actual birthday, and nothing.

      I just don't understand how men can get all pouty at their lady for calling them out on their bad behaviour...

      Do you all think he will eventually respond or do I take this as a hint that the relationship may be over? (What a sucky birthday...)

    • profile image

      Dineo 

      7 months ago

      Me and my long distance boyfriend used to chat every 30 to 60 min during the day and every night we do video calls.but this 2 days he is quite and I tried to call no answer and he is offline on whatsapp...I want to know if he is starting to cheat on me or is the any problem?

    • profile image

      Angie 

      8 months ago

      I’m having some problems

    • profile image

      Unkown 

      8 months ago

      These days with my boyfriend we had holidays apart from each other for 2 weeks and he actually after 2-3 days texted me first and asked me how I am doing and when I replied he gone offline and he didn't even answer.. after a few days he answered and he excused himself by saying that he didn't have any internet connection those days and that he is sorry he wasn't replying. After that I told him that we need to talk and then he said okay then I said ''let's meet'' he actually was waiting for me in a restaurant next to my house but I couldn't go because he didn't tell me early enough. Now I told him that I wasn't home and I couldn't come and then he started ignoring me again... Now that these 2 weeks of holidays are finished I texted him yesterday and he saw the message and ignored me... I don't know what to do and what to think can you help me?

    • profile image

      Marie rose 

      8 months ago

      My boyfriend has been perposly ignoring me for 8 days now he is only my second boyfriend so i dont know what to do because we text on snapchat and i can see when he opens the texts so i dont know what to do im only in 7th grade so let me know what to do pleas because im stuck.

    • profile image

      Unknown 

      8 months ago

      My boyfriend has been ignoring e for days and I don't know but he's cheated with his other girlfriends so I think he might be cheating on me. I don't nkow what to do and when I try to talk to him he ignores me

    • profile image

      Mandy 

      8 months ago

      He always said he busy due to his personality and ignore my texts for few days then said he don’t think he a good guy as he only can give me hurt pain but I don’t have this hurt feeling. Why is he saying this and why is he not replying? I don’t Want to lose this relarionship

    • profile image

      sierra 

      9 months ago

      all of this is true.. i have to leave my boyfriend for a whole week and every time i come back he gets happy and not sad that im texting him again

    • profile image

      Danielle 

      9 months ago

      Me and my boyfriend we’re having the funniest conversation and out of nowhere he doesn’t text me back and Texted him good night and in the morning I texted him gm and I just try to call him and he usually picks up but didn’t

    • profile image

      Rebeccah 

      9 months ago

      My boyfriend texts me all the time but when we're hanging out he completely ignores me. He then continues to text me like nothing's wrong but as soon as we're together I'm a nonexistent person and it's getting quite annoying.

    • profile image

      Bernadette 

      9 months ago

      My boyfriend is constantly sneaking off to the pub and ignores me this happens on a regular basis. He them texts me the day after acting like nothing has happened. I don’t know what’s to do

    • profile image

      Victoria 

      9 months ago

      From the other day well he texted me back that night after ignoring me all day and he said "hey " and I said whats up and he said nothin why and I told him just wondering and he sent me a thumbs up emoji then I asked was everything ok and happy 9th month anniversary babe and he said same to you then said goodnight love you well yesterday which was the 20th our anniversary month and I said good morning and he said good morning but never replied all day

    • profile image

      ref 

      9 months ago

      we had a heated argument on Friday and since then he never talked to me

    • profile image

      Victoria 

      9 months ago

      Well yesterday was ok he texted me good morning and I texted him back then he was like "what u been doing all day today" and I told him I was working on the yard and he said oh ok and then later he texted "good night love you " and normally he texts me first but today I texted him good morning and he never texted back and I haven't heard from him since and he been on Snapchat and Facebook I'm starting to wonder what's up with him. And tomorrow is our 9th month anniversary

    • profile image

      Mimikyu 

      10 months ago

      Well, for my bf, his grandpa died two days ago and he had some fight with his parents, because his parents doesn't like me.

      It was a complicated period for him, but i still try to support him....but he look like he want some space, so, i try to avoid pushing him and wait him to come back.

      Plus, i am the kind of woman who are embarrassed to text my bf all the time, because i am scared to bother him. Sometimes it end up in some...awkward situations.

    • profile image

      ANNA 

      10 months ago

      I think he is considering breaking up with me?

    • profile image

      natalina moore 

      12 months ago

      Yeah guys they always ignore their girlfriends even mine sometimes does and those are really good points

    • thehands profile imageAUTHOR

      Jorge Vamos 

      18 months ago

      @Dashingscorpio

      Those are all good points. We'll tend to take people for granted the longer we're with them, and of course it might be time to call it quits if someone just seems totally uninterested in you. If you're not excited about your partner to some degree, you're doing it wrong!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      18 months ago

      Most people treat the (new) better than the (tried & true).

      During the "infatuation phase" of a new relationship they couldn't get enough of being with you, talking to you, and having sex with you. It was one big romantic blast!

      Both people bent over backwards to impress the other and the word "no" was seldom if ever heard. Conversations lasted for hours and laughter came so easily. Cards and token gifts were exchanged "just because'.

      However once the relationship was "solidified" or you became "emotionally invested" in the relationship he felt safe to RELAX or show his "authentic self".

      We do the same thing at work. Over time we put in less effort because we believe we have "job security". Soon after we get a new job we act as if the company no longer receives resumes!

      As odd as it might sound one of the reasons why your man may not be returning your calls is because he knows he "has you"!

      He feels it's safe to take you for granted a little bit because you're not going anywhere. He can catch up with (you) later on.

      {Scarcity increases value!} Be unpredictable.

      The best thing a woman can do is have her own life!

      After you've sent a text and left a voicemail if you haven't heard from your boyfriend in a couple of hours then go out with your friends to a club or do whatever and turn your phone off.

      When you turn your phone on the next day if he hasn't tried to reach you assume the relationship has almost run it's course.

      If he did leave you a message and wonders what happened just tell him your phone died and you had to put it on a charger...etc

      The thing you want to make known is you're not going to simply be sitting around if he's doesn't have time for you.

      The best way to do this is by not always being available yourself!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone ignores you it means they don't think you're special.

      One man's opinion! :)

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