9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You

Updated on June 16, 2017
thehands profile image

After seeing many friends (or himself) seduced by love, only to crash and burn afterwards, Jorge writes advice based on his observations.

Why is My Boyfriend Ignoring Me?

Is your boyfriend suddenly taking longer to reply when you text him? Is he not responding at all? Are you calling him over and over, and he won't pick up the phone?

If it's only been a few hours, then it's probably not something to worry about. He could just be busy or in the shower. However, if it's been more than a day or so, and your boyfriend is still acting like you don't exist, then no one would blame you for being a little concerned.

Assuming that there hasn't been some kind of emergency, it could be that your boyfriend is ignoring you deliberately. This will be especially clear to you if you notice that he is still active on Facebook or if he's still hanging out with your other friends. Obviously, if he can be bothered to "like" his brother's latest status update, but he can't even respond to your calls, then something is fishy.

What could be wrong, though? Why is your boyfriend ignoring you? Well, there could be literally hundreds of reasons why your boyfriend is ignoring you, but let's narrow it down to the most common ones. Chances are, he's ignoring you for some version of the following reasons:

Why is he ignoring you?
Why is he ignoring you?

1) He's Mad at You and Can't Deal With It

Have you ever been mad at someone, but didn't know how to articulate your feelings, so you just ghosted them for awhile? This could very well be the case with your boyfriend.

If your boyfriend is ignoring you after a fight especially, then you can pretty safely assume that it has something to do with your argument. It could be that he doesn't want to jump into all of the negativity again and think about your problems. Naturally, talking to you reminds him of all of that negativity.

It's kind of like the "gorilla in the room" situation. He can't see you without the hidden pressure of all of the unsaid things, but he doesn't want to talk about it, either.

If you want to get him to stop ignoring you, the first thing you need to do is try to remember your last interaction. Were you unpleasant to him? Were you unfair to him? Did you push him to address something that he didn't want to talk about, and he just clammed up?

While communication is important in a relationship, and arguments are just part of that, it's important not to get too personal in your fights. Even if he is ignoring you, he is probably reading your texts, so send him a message and tell him that you want to understand his perspective. Invite him to convey his feelings to you in a non-judgmental way, and don't blame him for what happened between you.

Does this mean that you should act like a doormat? No!

Don't approach him with profuse, needy apologies. Just tell him that you want to understand the situation.

The same goes if you didn't have a fight and he seems to be ignoring you for no apparent reason. Contact him and tell him that you want to understand what's going on. If your boyfriend is ignoring your texts even after you explain your intentions, then he could just need some time to cool off, or...

He's mad at you for no good reason, but expects you to psychically know.

Some people are just like this. Every little thing offends them, and they will never directly tell you about it. Basically, it turns into a huge guessing game trying to figure out why they're giving you the silent treatment. My advice is to just forget someone like this and ignore him right back.

2) Talking to You Brings Him Down

"Why is my boyfriend ignoring my texts?"

Maybe because you only text him to complain about your life.

Do you start most of your conversations off with negativity and complaining? This is actually really common. It's also common to be in denial about it. If your first reaction was, "Oh, no, I'm not a negative person at all!" then look through your text thread with your boyfriend.

What were the last few things that you talked about?

Were they mostly you complaining about something that happened during your day? Do you gossip about people? Do you bring drama into his life? Do you never seem to have anything nice to say?

Even if your boyfriend is the same way, he still might find it draining to talk to someone like this. If you are very negative, consider changing your mental habits--not so much for his sake, but for yours.

Is your boyfriend ignoring you because you're too dramatic?
Is your boyfriend ignoring you because you're too dramatic?

3) You Always Want Something From Him

Are you always asking your boyfriend for lots of favors? Do you ask him to do something for you every time you call? It may be hard to think about this objectively, but you may be asking more of your boyfriend than you realize. Your boyfriend might be ignoring you simply because he doesn't want to keep helping you with random tasks.

Some guys like doing their girlfriends lots of little favors, but most guys don't, and some guys really don't. One good way to tell that a guy doesn't have that sort of "helpful" personality is if he never asks you for favors, either.

4) He Feels Smothered and Needs Space

This is another common reason why your boyfriend might be ignoring you. It's not a good reason, since he really should be upfront and tell you that he needs space, but a lot of people who are afraid to speak their minds do this.

He could feel suffocated for many reasons. Some of them might not even be your fault necessarily; he could just be the kind of person who needs a lot of time alone, and you've been hanging around too often. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by turning you down, so he's just been ignoring you instead.

Why is My Boyfriend Ignoring My Texts?

The last time your boyfriend ignored your texts, what was his excuse?

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5) He is Considering a Breakup

It's sad, but true: some people are just too cowardly to tell you the truth, so they decide to "ghost" you instead. It could be that your boyfriend is considering leaving you--or has already decided on it--and rather than having a long, painful conversation with you about it, he's ignoring you.

He might be contemplating how to tell you, but can't bring himself to face you in the meantime. He could also just be secretly hoping that you'll take the hint and disappear from his life.

Obviously, whether someone would do this or not depends on their maturity level. Think back towards the past: Has he ever refused to communicate about something before? Did he ever avoid telling you something important because he thought it would hurt your feelings? Have you ever seen him give a friend the cold shoulder rather than discussing the issue?

These could all be signs that he has trouble expressing what he wants in an open way. If he really is avoiding and ignoring you because he's too afraid to tell you, then maybe you're better off single. It sounds terrible, but relationships like these really aren't worth it.

There, there.
There, there.

6) He's Preoccupied With Something Major in His Life

Your boyfriend's whole world probably doesn't revolve around you--nor should it. (And if your world revolves around him, then stop it.)

It is possible that he is deeply preoccupied with a huge life change or event, and has simply been too absorbed in that to contact you. Of course, that's no excuse to not say anything, but at least it's a reason.

Consider this possibility especially if you tend to be very demanding on your boyfriend's time. Ironically, if you don't have a tendency to call your boyfriend a million times per day, and calls from you are relatively rare, he's much more likely to answer.

However, if you constantly want to spend hours upon hours talking on the phone, and hours more hanging out in person, then he'll realize that replying to you is a huge time commitment. If he's short on time, he may put off contacting you and end up forgetting about your texts and calls.

Again, that's not necessarily a good excuse, but it's understandable to a degree. If you have a needy girlfriend who wants constant attention, but are in the middle of writing your dissertation, you're going to ignore at least a few calls.

7) He's Cheating

Just because your boyfriend is ignoring you, there's no need to automatically get paranoid and jump to conclusions. Before you decide that he's being unfaithful, you need to assess many different suspicious behaviors, not just one.

But if he's been ignoring you a lot and hanging out with other random women, then you might want to consider this possibility.

8) He Hates Talking On the Phone

It could be that he simply hates talking on the phone, so he habitually ignores all phone calls. In that case, it's nothing personal; he probably didn't even know that it was you who was calling because he might have not even glanced at his phone.

For some people, it's hard to fathom how anyone in this day and age could dislike playing with their phone, but your boyfriend could be part of this minority. I've definitely been guilty of this myself and have ignored phone calls from the women in my life. Sometimes you just don't want to be bothered with pressing a hot piece of metal and glass to your ear.

If you think that this might be the problem, then try texting him instead and just waiting for him to get back to you. You could also try seeing him in person. You might find that he never noticed that you had called.

Meh...I'll answer it later.
Meh...I'll answer it later.

9) He's Tired Of People (That Means You, Too)

Some guys are very introverted and regularly "unplug" from their social life. In other words, he could be ignoring you in purpose--but only because he's ignoring everyone else, too.

This might seem unfair to you, but it's just a fact of life that some people need more silence than others. It would have been polite of him to tell you what he needed ahead of time, but some women can get loud and complain about that sort of thing (which defeats the purpose of silence).

What do you do if your boyfriend is ignoring you because he just happens to be one of this intense introverts?

Nothing. You just wait. If you can't handle it, that's perfectly understandable. Let him know that a relationship like this just isn't for you.

The Waiting Game

How long has your boyfriend been ignoring you?

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Questions & Answers

    © 2017 Jorge Vamos


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      • profile image

        Dineo 2 days ago

        Me and my long distance boyfriend used to chat every 30 to 60 min during the day and every night we do video calls.but this 2 days he is quite and I tried to call no answer and he is offline on whatsapp...I want to know if he is starting to cheat on me or is the any problem?

      • profile image

        Angie 9 days ago

        I’m having some problems

      • profile image

        Unkown 2 weeks ago

        These days with my boyfriend we had holidays apart from each other for 2 weeks and he actually after 2-3 days texted me first and asked me how I am doing and when I replied he gone offline and he didn't even answer.. after a few days he answered and he excused himself by saying that he didn't have any internet connection those days and that he is sorry he wasn't replying. After that I told him that we need to talk and then he said okay then I said ''let's meet'' he actually was waiting for me in a restaurant next to my house but I couldn't go because he didn't tell me early enough. Now I told him that I wasn't home and I couldn't come and then he started ignoring me again... Now that these 2 weeks of holidays are finished I texted him yesterday and he saw the message and ignored me... I don't know what to do and what to think can you help me?

      • profile image

        Marie rose 3 weeks ago

        My boyfriend has been perposly ignoring me for 8 days now he is only my second boyfriend so i dont know what to do because we text on snapchat and i can see when he opens the texts so i dont know what to do im only in 7th grade so let me know what to do pleas because im stuck.

      • profile image

        Unknown 4 weeks ago

        My boyfriend has been ignoring e for days and I don't know but he's cheated with his other girlfriends so I think he might be cheating on me. I don't nkow what to do and when I try to talk to him he ignores me

      • profile image

        Mandy 5 weeks ago

        He always said he busy due to his personality and ignore my texts for few days then said he don’t think he a good guy as he only can give me hurt pain but I don’t have this hurt feeling. Why is he saying this and why is he not replying? I don’t Want to lose this relarionship

      • profile image

        sierra 5 weeks ago

        all of this is true.. i have to leave my boyfriend for a whole week and every time i come back he gets happy and not sad that im texting him again

      • profile image

        Danielle 7 weeks ago

        Me and my boyfriend we’re having the funniest conversation and out of nowhere he doesn’t text me back and Texted him good night and in the morning I texted him gm and I just try to call him and he usually picks up but didn’t

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        Rebeccah 7 weeks ago

        My boyfriend texts me all the time but when we're hanging out he completely ignores me. He then continues to text me like nothing's wrong but as soon as we're together I'm a nonexistent person and it's getting quite annoying.

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        Bernadette 7 weeks ago

        My boyfriend is constantly sneaking off to the pub and ignores me this happens on a regular basis. He them texts me the day after acting like nothing has happened. I don’t know what’s to do

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        Victoria 2 months ago

        From the other day well he texted me back that night after ignoring me all day and he said "hey " and I said whats up and he said nothin why and I told him just wondering and he sent me a thumbs up emoji then I asked was everything ok and happy 9th month anniversary babe and he said same to you then said goodnight love you well yesterday which was the 20th our anniversary month and I said good morning and he said good morning but never replied all day

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        ref 2 months ago

        we had a heated argument on Friday and since then he never talked to me

      • profile image

        Victoria 2 months ago

        Well yesterday was ok he texted me good morning and I texted him back then he was like "what u been doing all day today" and I told him I was working on the yard and he said oh ok and then later he texted "good night love you " and normally he texts me first but today I texted him good morning and he never texted back and I haven't heard from him since and he been on Snapchat and Facebook I'm starting to wonder what's up with him. And tomorrow is our 9th month anniversary

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        Mimikyu 2 months ago

        Well, for my bf, his grandpa died two days ago and he had some fight with his parents, because his parents doesn't like me.

        It was a complicated period for him, but i still try to support him....but he look like he want some space, so, i try to avoid pushing him and wait him to come back.

        Plus, i am the kind of woman who are embarrassed to text my bf all the time, because i am scared to bother him. Sometimes it end up in some...awkward situations.

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        ANNA 2 months ago

        I think he is considering breaking up with me?

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        natalina moore 5 months ago

        Yeah guys they always ignore their girlfriends even mine sometimes does and those are really good points

      • thehands profile image

        Jorge Vamos 10 months ago


        Those are all good points. We'll tend to take people for granted the longer we're with them, and of course it might be time to call it quits if someone just seems totally uninterested in you. If you're not excited about your partner to some degree, you're doing it wrong!

      • dashingscorpio profile image

        dashingscorpio 10 months ago

        Most people treat the (new) better than the (tried & true).

        During the "infatuation phase" of a new relationship they couldn't get enough of being with you, talking to you, and having sex with you. It was one big romantic blast!

        Both people bent over backwards to impress the other and the word "no" was seldom if ever heard. Conversations lasted for hours and laughter came so easily. Cards and token gifts were exchanged "just because'.

        However once the relationship was "solidified" or you became "emotionally invested" in the relationship he felt safe to RELAX or show his "authentic self".

        We do the same thing at work. Over time we put in less effort because we believe we have "job security". Soon after we get a new job we act as if the company no longer receives resumes!

        As odd as it might sound one of the reasons why your man may not be returning your calls is because he knows he "has you"!

        He feels it's safe to take you for granted a little bit because you're not going anywhere. He can catch up with (you) later on.

        {Scarcity increases value!} Be unpredictable.

        The best thing a woman can do is have her own life!

        After you've sent a text and left a voicemail if you haven't heard from your boyfriend in a couple of hours then go out with your friends to a club or do whatever and turn your phone off.

        When you turn your phone on the next day if he hasn't tried to reach you assume the relationship has almost run it's course.

        If he did leave you a message and wonders what happened just tell him your phone died and you had to put it on a charger...etc

        The thing you want to make known is you're not going to simply be sitting around if he's doesn't have time for you.

        The best way to do this is by not always being available yourself!

        "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

        - Oscar Wilde

        If someone ignores you it means they don't think you're special.

        One man's opinion! :)