RelationshipsPhysical IntimacyFriendshipDatingBreakupsRelationship ProblemsSocial Skills & EtiquetteGender and SexualityRelationship AdviceLoveCompatibilitySingle Life

9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You

Updated on June 16, 2017
thehands profile image

After seeing many friends (or himself) seduced by love, only to crash and burn afterwards, Jorge writes advice based on his observations.

Why is My Boyfriend Ignoring Me?

Is your boyfriend suddenly taking longer to reply when you text him? Is he not responding at all? Are you calling him over and over, and he won't pick up the phone?

If it's only been a few hours, then it's probably not something to worry about. He could just be busy or in the shower. However, if it's been more than a day or so, and your boyfriend is still acting like you don't exist, then no one would blame you for being a little concerned.

Assuming that there hasn't been some kind of emergency, it could be that your boyfriend is ignoring you deliberately. This will be especially clear to you if you notice that he is still active on Facebook or if he's still hanging out with your other friends. Obviously, if he can be bothered to "like" his brother's latest status update, but he can't even respond to your calls, then something is fishy.

What could be wrong, though? Why is your boyfriend ignoring you? Well, there could be literally hundreds of reasons why your boyfriend is ignoring you, but let's narrow it down to the most common ones. Chances are, he's ignoring you for some version of the following reasons:

Why is he ignoring you?
Why is he ignoring you?

1) He's Mad at You and Can't Deal With It

Have you ever been mad at someone, but didn't know how to articulate your feelings, so you just ghosted them for awhile? This could very well be the case with your boyfriend.

If your boyfriend is ignoring you after a fight especially, then you can pretty safely assume that it has something to do with your argument. It could be that he doesn't want to jump into all of the negativity again and think about your problems. Naturally, talking to you reminds him of all of that negativity.

It's kind of like the "gorilla in the room" situation. He can't see you without the hidden pressure of all of the unsaid things, but he doesn't want to talk about it, either.

If you want to get him to stop ignoring you, the first thing you need to do is try to remember your last interaction. Were you unpleasant to him? Were you unfair to him? Did you push him to address something that he didn't want to talk about, and he just clammed up?

While communication is important in a relationship, and arguments are just part of that, it's important not to get too personal in your fights. Even if he is ignoring you, he is probably reading your texts, so send him a message and tell him that you want to understand his perspective. Invite him to convey his feelings to you in a non-judgmental way, and don't blame him for what happened between you.

Does this mean that you should act like a doormat? No!

Don't approach him with profuse, needy apologies. Just tell him that you want to understand the situation.

The same goes if you didn't have a fight and he seems to be ignoring you for no apparent reason. Contact him and tell him that you want to understand what's going on. If your boyfriend is ignoring your texts even after you explain your intentions, then he could just need some time to cool off, or...

He's mad at you for no good reason, but expects you to psychically know.

Some people are just like this. Every little thing offends them, and they will never directly tell you about it. Basically, it turns into a huge guessing game trying to figure out why they're giving you the silent treatment. My advice is to just forget someone like this and ignore him right back.

2) Talking to You Brings Him Down

"Why is my boyfriend ignoring my texts?"

Maybe because you only text him to complain about your life.

Do you start most of your conversations off with negativity and complaining? This is actually really common. It's also common to be in denial about it. If your first reaction was, "Oh, no, I'm not a negative person at all!" then look through your text thread with your boyfriend.

What were the last few things that you talked about?

Were they mostly you complaining about something that happened during your day? Do you gossip about people? Do you bring drama into his life? Do you never seem to have anything nice to say?

Even if your boyfriend is the same way, he still might find it draining to talk to someone like this. If you are very negative, consider changing your mental habits--not so much for his sake, but for yours.

Is your boyfriend ignoring you because you're too dramatic?
Is your boyfriend ignoring you because you're too dramatic?

3) You Always Want Something From Him

Are you always asking your boyfriend for lots of favors? Do you ask him to do something for you every time you call? It may be hard to think about this objectively, but you may be asking more of your boyfriend than you realize. Your boyfriend might be ignoring you simply because he doesn't want to keep helping you with random tasks.

Some guys like doing their girlfriends lots of little favors, but most guys don't, and some guys really don't. One good way to tell that a guy doesn't have that sort of "helpful" personality is if he never asks you for favors, either.

4) He Feels Smothered and Needs Space

This is another common reason why your boyfriend might be ignoring you. It's not a good reason, since he really should be upfront and tell you that he needs space, but a lot of people who are afraid to speak their minds do this.

He could feel suffocated for many reasons. Some of them might not even be your fault necessarily; he could just be the kind of person who needs a lot of time alone, and you've been hanging around too often. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by turning you down, so he's just been ignoring you instead.

Why is My Boyfriend Ignoring My Texts?

The last time your boyfriend ignored your texts, what was his excuse?

See results

5) He is Considering a Breakup

It's sad, but true: some people are just too cowardly to tell you the truth, so they decide to "ghost" you instead. It could be that your boyfriend is considering leaving you--or has already decided on it--and rather than having a long, painful conversation with you about it, he's ignoring you.

He might be contemplating how to tell you, but can't bring himself to face you in the meantime. He could also just be secretly hoping that you'll take the hint and disappear from his life.

Obviously, whether someone would do this or not depends on their maturity level. Think back towards the past: Has he ever refused to communicate about something before? Did he ever avoid telling you something important because he thought it would hurt your feelings? Have you ever seen him give a friend the cold shoulder rather than discussing the issue?

These could all be signs that he has trouble expressing what he wants in an open way. If he really is avoiding and ignoring you because he's too afraid to tell you, then maybe you're better off single. It sounds terrible, but relationships like these really aren't worth it.

There, there.
There, there.

6) He's Preoccupied With Something Major in His Life

Your boyfriend's whole world probably doesn't revolve around you--nor should it. (And if your world revolves around him, then stop it.)

It is possible that he is deeply preoccupied with a huge life change or event, and has simply been too absorbed in that to contact you. Of course, that's no excuse to not say anything, but at least it's a reason.

Consider this possibility especially if you tend to be very demanding on your boyfriend's time. Ironically, if you don't have a tendency to call your boyfriend a million times per day, and calls from you are relatively rare, he's much more likely to answer.

However, if you constantly want to spend hours upon hours talking on the phone, and hours more hanging out in person, then he'll realize that replying to you is a huge time commitment. If he's short on time, he may put off contacting you and end up forgetting about your texts and calls.

Again, that's not necessarily a good excuse, but it's understandable to a degree. If you have a needy girlfriend who wants constant attention, but are in the middle of writing your dissertation, you're going to ignore at least a few calls.

7) He's Cheating

Just because your boyfriend is ignoring you, there's no need to automatically get paranoid and jump to conclusions. Before you decide that he's being unfaithful, you need to assess many different suspicious behaviors, not just one.

But if he's been ignoring you a lot and hanging out with other random women, then you might want to consider this possibility.

8) He Hates Talking On the Phone

It could be that he simply hates talking on the phone, so he habitually ignores all phone calls. In that case, it's nothing personal; he probably didn't even know that it was you who was calling because he might have not even glanced at his phone.

For some people, it's hard to fathom how anyone in this day and age could dislike playing with their phone, but your boyfriend could be part of this minority. I've definitely been guilty of this myself and have ignored phone calls from the women in my life. Sometimes you just don't want to be bothered with pressing a hot piece of metal and glass to your ear.

If you think that this might be the problem, then try texting him instead and just waiting for him to get back to you. You could also try seeing him in person. You might find that he never noticed that you had called.

Meh...I'll answer it later.
Meh...I'll answer it later.

9) He's Tired Of People (That Means You, Too)

Some guys are very introverted and regularly "unplug" from their social life. In other words, he could be ignoring you in purpose--but only because he's ignoring everyone else, too.

This might seem unfair to you, but it's just a fact of life that some people need more silence than others. It would have been polite of him to tell you what he needed ahead of time, but some women can get loud and complain about that sort of thing (which defeats the purpose of silence).

What do you do if your boyfriend is ignoring you because he just happens to be one of this intense introverts?

Nothing. You just wait. If you can't handle it, that's perfectly understandable. Let him know that a relationship like this just isn't for you.

The Waiting Game

How long has your boyfriend been ignoring you?

See results

© 2017 Jorge Vamos

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • thehands profile image
      Author

      Jorge Vamos 4 months ago

      @Dashingscorpio

      Those are all good points. We'll tend to take people for granted the longer we're with them, and of course it might be time to call it quits if someone just seems totally uninterested in you. If you're not excited about your partner to some degree, you're doing it wrong!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 months ago

      Most people treat the (new) better than the (tried & true).

      During the "infatuation phase" of a new relationship they couldn't get enough of being with you, talking to you, and having sex with you. It was one big romantic blast!

      Both people bent over backwards to impress the other and the word "no" was seldom if ever heard. Conversations lasted for hours and laughter came so easily. Cards and token gifts were exchanged "just because'.

      However once the relationship was "solidified" or you became "emotionally invested" in the relationship he felt safe to RELAX or show his "authentic self".

      We do the same thing at work. Over time we put in less effort because we believe we have "job security". Soon after we get a new job we act as if the company no longer receives resumes!

      As odd as it might sound one of the reasons why your man may not be returning your calls is because he knows he "has you"!

      He feels it's safe to take you for granted a little bit because you're not going anywhere. He can catch up with (you) later on.

      {Scarcity increases value!} Be unpredictable.

      The best thing a woman can do is have her own life!

      After you've sent a text and left a voicemail if you haven't heard from your boyfriend in a couple of hours then go out with your friends to a club or do whatever and turn your phone off.

      When you turn your phone on the next day if he hasn't tried to reach you assume the relationship has almost run it's course.

      If he did leave you a message and wonders what happened just tell him your phone died and you had to put it on a charger...etc

      The thing you want to make known is you're not going to simply be sitting around if he's doesn't have time for you.

      The best way to do this is by not always being available yourself!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone ignores you it means they don't think you're special.

      One man's opinion! :)