50 Common Relationship Deal Breakers

Updated on June 13, 2019
Sunshine625 profile image

Linda (Kaywood) Bilyeu is a self-published author. Her books are available on Amazon. She writes from the heart—there is no other way.

What Is a Deal Breaker?

While weeding through your multiple dates, hangouts, hooks ups, or whatever you refer to them as, you encounter things you don't like. Things that turn you off. Things that annoy you. Things that you don't want in your relationship.

These things are known as deal breakers: "A deal breaker is ‘the catch’ that a particular individual cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any redeeming quality the individual may possess."

You make a mental note that the next time you notice that thing, you will depart the relationship sooner. You might even conduct a text or telephone interview before your initial meet up to ask if they have any of these deal breakers. You could then decide to continue on or move on.

I rallied up my single friends and asked them what their deal breakers were. Single men and women, ranging from their twenties to sixties shared with me what they won't tolerate in a relationship. I learned a thing or two; hopefully, you do too.

Deal or No Deal?

  1. Doesn't like children. Or, discusses wanting kids on the first date.
  2. A common deal breaker is smoking. People don't want to deal with the smell of cigarettes—also drugs of any type.
  3. Doesn't like music. Especially country music.
  4. Long distance via dating apps, which is why many people have their distance set to a maximum of 15 miles.
  5. Punctuality. If one is late for a date, chances are they will always run late, and that is not tolerated in relationships.
  6. Liars. Once a liar always a liar. If we hear you telling someone a lie that's a red flag that you will always lie to us. (This deal breaker was the most repetitive of all 50 which tells me that people don't like liars.)
  7. Not wanting to hang out with my family. Family is important to me, and they aren't hard to get along with if you just make the effort.
  8. Bad etiquette. I'm not expecting manners fit for the royal family, but you should be able to go to a nice restaurant and act appropriately. Introduce people appropriately and say general please and thank you's. I don't want to date a caveman.
  9. High maintenance. From fake hair to nails to breasts - women need to be real and accept their natural beauty without having to enhance themselves with spending tons of money on being fake.
  10. Frugality is understandable to a point. We all want to save a buck, but in moderation. Being too cheap is a deal breaker.
  11. Poor sense of character. If you don't think highly of yourself: how am I supposed to think highly of you?
  12. Obsessed with money. Once you start trying to impress me with your materialistic items my "I'm over this" button is flipped. Allow me to be the judge of whether or now I am impressed with you.
  13. Selfishness. Greed. It's not all about you. This time is about us.
  14. Has to have a job and know how to keep a job.
  15. Raging alcoholics who can't make a plan. They can't seem to get their shit together.
  16. Those hooked on their ex's. Leave the ex at the door. I don't want to hear about them or why your previous relationships failed.
  17. People who need to be fixed. Fix yourself before you attempt to begin a relationship.
  18. Negative chatter. If I wanted to hear negative talk I would read my Facebook newsfeed.
  19. Bad breath. Proper dental hygiene is a must.
  20. Bad kissers. Do not brag that you are the worlds best kisser and then come at me with a wet sloppy kiss. And biting of my lip is not cool.
  21. Boring texter. If we are texting and I am writing sentences and you respond with one-word answers that's a deal breaker for sure. Conversation needs to flow or else you get flushed.
  22. Snoring. I don't care how hot you are once I hear you snore I am outta there!
  23. Rudeness. There is no place in this world for rudeness. That's a red flag you probably have underlying issues such as a bad temper which is also a deal breaker.
  24. If I sense the slightest scent of toxicity with you, the deal is off. Toxic people are not part of my world.
  25. If I could hear you while you are eating—adios amigo!

What's the Deal?

26. If I sense that I could not trust you, that would be a deal breaker.

27. Talks too much or too little. Conversation should flow among the both of us.

28. Proper grooming is vital. Sloppiness is unacceptable.

29. I have zero tolerance for women who can't handle their alcohol intake. Don't try to keep up with me. Know your limits.

30. If you are a fan of any Boston sports team.

31. If you frequent nudist beaches chances are you are missing something in your life, and I will not help you find out what it is. To each their own when it comes to nudity but public viewing is not for me.

32. Bad grammar. Whether written or spoken is an immediate deal breaker.

33. If a guy takes longer than me to get ready.

34. Lack of a sense of humor–life is too short to take everything seriously. Don't be so sensitive.

35. A guy who won't put the relationship first. We are supposed to be each others person and build our life together—there should never be a doubt that we have each other's backs.

36. Lack of ambition. If you have no goals, then we have no relationship.

37. Not owning a car. I'm not your Uber.

38. Poor communication. Talk things out whether they are good or bad. Respect each others opinions and advice. Do not bottle things up.

39. Not creating a partnership. We should be able to lean on each other and share the workloads of life. Whether that is laundry or dishes. Cheering each other on for successes and picking each other up when things get hard - we should be equals and take it all in stride together.

40. Telling me how to raise my kid on the first date. Surreal since he didn't have a child of his own.

41. Indecisiveness. I have no tolerance for always having to make the plans. If you can't make a decision about what to do or where to eat and always expect me to be the planner that would be a problem.

42. Picky and finicky women are a deal breaker. There is no need to nit-pick and expect everything to be perfect. Perfection doesn't exist in the real world.

43. Having sex with other people. In addition if you are married or in a relationship.

44. A person having a ton of debt and not being able to manage their money.

45. Excessive chest or back hair. This applies to men, not so much the women.

46. Obsessive pet owners. I realize that you adore your four-legged family members, but a slide show on our first date is a bit much.

47. Road rage. Hot tempers are a major turn off.

48. If I get the inkling that you have a tendency to be a mean drunk the deal is off.

49. Discussing politics on the first date is not wise.

50. Taking too many selfies during a date. Put the damn phone away.

The perfect boyfriend doesn't...

Smoke, Drink or Cheat

And he doesn't exist.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2018 Linda Bilyeu


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    • fpherj48 profile image


      16 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      dashing...you're so damned smart!! :) Everything is all about individual choices.....some like dill, some like sweet and some don't like pickles at all~!!! LOL.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      16 months ago

      I've come to learn over the years that "deal breakers" are much like beauty; It's all in the eye of the beholder.

      There really is no such thing as an "universal deal breaker". Whatever you or I could come up with there is someone living under those conditions who has absolutely no plans of ever walking away! :)

    • fpherj48 profile image


      16 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Hey GF.....Hmmmm, let's see, how can I approach this topic? OK, I'll go with the possibility of an "imagined" situation, because currently, I don't see myself in any future relationship.

      I have no doubt you'll believe me when I tell you that in my youth...or, when I was young, vibrant, confident & active, my rules were simple, GF. It was based on the old expression, "MY way or the highway." LMAOL!! You know, fair and reasonable.

      These days, the rules would have to involve what I simply will not tolerate from another individual, in a relationship. He would have to be a NO-drugs, NO-booze man. & I agree with Sha...NO young KIDS! Jesus, please! I did my time and that of 10 other women. Besides, SFAM, let's face it, some man anywhere near my age, who has a young child, is also a very stupid, extremely poor-planner!! RED flag. LOL.

      Your list is soooo hilarious. You crack me up. While I realize it's mostly done with humor, they aren't that far from being serious!! Really, just about everything you have listed, can be, has been or might possibly be future deal breakers. C'mon, I didn't get to be this old, experienced and WISE, to just repeat former mistakes! Right? Right.

      Point blank, painful honesty....the more I think about this, I would actually pity a man who might decide he wants a relationship with me. I'm sorry to say, he would probably end up paying a high price for all the huge mistakes of men before him. I might do well to stick with having fun and socializing with my good female friends. Safer, less stress & little chance of regrets. I mean, look....I'll always love YOU, Linda Sue. No problems...LOLOLOLOLO

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      16 months ago from Central Florida

      All great points, Linda, especially the must be able to hold a job one. I was the bread winner in both of my marriages. It got old real quick and is actually partially why I divorced both husbands. Another deal breaker, should I choose to start dating again, is no young kids. At my age, I'm done with child-rearing and don't want to go through it again. Now is my time!

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      16 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      We do view relationships as deals but when we consider love, then it is a different deal. There are conditions with love. I think I am too idealistic. We do make deals in our relationships but make sacrifices and compromises to keep them.


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