People often wonder if their newfound partner is a narcissist. Here is a list of a few red flags that indicate you may be dating a narcissist. These are things you can notice right away. Even if the person is not a narcissist, a person with these issues is probably not someone that would be a good choice for a partner.
1. Too Many Tragedies, Dramatic Moments or Hero Stories in Their Past
We've all had tragedies. We've all had big things happen that threw our lives into an uproar. We've all had moments where we shine. But we don't all have so many of them. A narcissists' recounting of their life history will often be full of horrible tragedies, unbelievable moments where they met celebrities or experienced amazing things and tales of how they saved the day -- a lot of them. Many times, these stories are made up to impress you or get you to feel sorry for the narcissist. Narcissists are pathological liars. So listen to your gut and don't ignore the warnings it's sending you. If you are asking yourself, "How can so much tragedy befall one person?" or feeling that it's just too fantastical to be believed, it probably is.
2. No Real Support System
It's very easy to feel sorry for someone who appears alone in this world, but don't be fooled! This is one of the biggest warning signs for narcissism. Narcissists turn everyone against themselves eventually, so they will often have no support system or a support system that changes often. If a person's entire family has turned their back on them, there is a reason for that. You may not want to stick around and find out what it is.
3. Forming Very Strong Feelings for You Very Quickly
If this happens, run -- don't walk! This is a telltale sign of narcissism. Normal people don't tell you they love you within a week of meeting you. They don't tell you that you are their soul mate when they barely know you. This is called 'love bombing,' and it's a manipulation to entangle you in the relationship so that you can't get out.
4. Talking About Their Exes Too Much — or Won't Talk About Them at All
We all have bad relationships in our past. But if your new friend has nothing but bad relationships in their past, it's time to keep walking. Narcissists demonize all those who've come before you, and they never admit to anything they've done wrong. That "psycho controlling ex" was being cheated on left, right and sideways, but you'll never hear that. That "cruel abusive ex" was being gaslighted and tortured to the point of insanity, but you'll never hear that either. If every single ex is a psycho and a stalker and abusive and a cheater and God knows what else, either your new friend is a narcissist or they've managed to meet the worst people in the world and form relationships with them over and over and over. Since this is unlikely, it's a good idea to take a step back here.
5. Talking About Themselves Too Much — or Not at All
This is a red flag. If your new friend offers too much information about themselves or turns every conversation into something about themselves, that should be a tip off. It can be easy to overlook this as simple posturing or arrogance, but it's not worth taking a chance. If someone talks about themselves all the time, they are not interested in learning about you. This is a foreshadowing of how things will be if you pursue a relationship with this person.
The opposite is true as well. If someone refuses to talk about themselves or deflects every conversational gambit to something else, this should set off warning bells. It should not seem difficult to get to know a person you are dating. If it is, there may be something they don't want you to know.
In the end, you've got to trust yourself. If you're trying to find out whether or not you're dating a narcissist, it's probably time to move on.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.