Isaac is a relationship coach who has been helping married couples build strong, healthy marriages for almost a decade.
How Not to Cheat on Your Husband or Wife
To some married people, the word temptation seems to be a license to do wrong—when they are tempted to be disloyal to their spouse, they see it as a welcome opportunity to “take a fun break” from the marriage and seek some excitement from someone they are not married to.
However, temptation is supposed to do the opposite—helping us show our loyalty to our spouse. If you want to be loyal to your spouse, you will have to overcome the temptations that will come your way.
When you are tempted, see it is an opportunity to prove to yourself, and to your spouse, that you truly love them.
Quick Tips for Resisting Temptation
How can you resist temptation so that you will remain loyal to your spouse?
- Respect yourself and resolve to maintain your dignity. Remind yourself that you can escape many things but you cannot escape yourself. You will continue to live with your memories, the terrible mistakes you make, and if you give in to temptation and cheat, you may become miserable because of those memories, and also because some friends will distance themselves, and you will lose respect among your work colleagues and family members.
- Remember that when you cheat, it will break your spouse’s heart. Imagine the person you love being very miserable because you chose to have those few seconds of pleasure. Resolve not to break your spouse’s heart just because of pleasure you can obtain from your wife, or husband, anyway.
- Admit it to yourself when you are being tempted. Ask yourself, “What will I gain if I give in and do the wrong thing?” Ask yourself again, “What will I lose if I bow to the temptation? Is it worth the cost?”
1. Avoid Pornography
Even without any visual or mental stimulation, the sexual appetite can sometimes be strong. When you intentionally excite yourself, or consciously arouse yourself to lust, by reading stimulating literature or watching stimulating movies such as pornography, you can start a fire which will be difficult to control.
This habit can invite evil spirits into your life, and these spirits can stir lust in your body. They will try to influence you to satisfy your sexual urge at any cost, anywhere. They will try to influence you to commit adultery.
So, you will feel no restraint and feel sleeping with someone you are not married to is okay. Consequently, you will find it easy to be disloyal to your spouse.
Therefore, avoid pornography and stimulating literature, if you want to be loyal to your spouse. If you want to learn about lovemaking, read wholesome literature, and watch clean videos that teach that subject.
2. Be Careful About Your Relationships With Others
If you want to be loyal to your partner, you must be very careful how you associate with others.
- If someone shows an interest in you, firmly tell the person that you are married. Go even further to tell him, or her, how happy you are in your marriage. Whenever that person manages to isolate you with him, or her, start talking about your spouse immediately. Doing so consistently will irritate that person with time and they may lose interest in pursuing you.
- Try to avoid becoming drunk when you go to social gatherings such as parties. Getting drunk will weaken your resolve, cloud your judgment, and make it easier for you to cheat unwillingly.
- Do your best to avoid being alone so that the person interested in you cannot get an opportunity to seduce you.
3. Show Affection Regularly
Remind yourself of your love for your spouse by showing affection every day. Continue to say words of love to your spouse, massage your spouse often, kiss and hug to maintain the bond of love you share with each other.
It will help you to maintain the passion in the marriage, and this will make you continue desiring your spouse which will help you to have no desire for another person.
4. Remember Your Love for Your Spouse
Human as we are, it is possible to feel attracted to someone you are not married to, and to feel like having an affair with that person.
If you find yourself in such a situation:
- Remember your love for your spouse.
- Remember judgment day. Read the book of Revelation in the Bible and reflect on all that will happen to people who disobey God and commit adultery.
- Keep a small Bible with you wherever you go. Reflect on the fact that you will leave the society of human beings on Earth and head for the society of the eternal God, the Consuming Fire who gives life but also kills, when you face temptation.
- Consider the fact that it is not wise to have just a few seconds of pleasure, and lose your soul forever. This should make you sober and grave. It will make you see that life is a serious matter and not a big game, and you should not sacrifice your eternal destination for seconds of pleasure.
5. Don't Give Evil a Chance
Don’t give someone who shows interest in you any chance to be alone with you, if you want to be loyal to your spouse.
- For example, if you are alone in the office and that person approaches you, find a convenient excuse to go out. You can say something such as, “Excuse me. I have to get a few documents from my supervisor.” Leave the room and stay away till other workers come back into the room before you come back to your office.
- Alternatively, when that person comes near you, call your wife, or husband, and start talking to them.
- Start saying, “I resolve to remain loyal to my spouse till the day I die.” Keep repeating these words and they will make you remember that you made a vow to stick to your spouse till death parts you.
6. Go Out With Your Spouse
Whenever you are going for any social engagement, go with your spouse. This will send a message to anyone who is interested in you that you are committed to your marriage and you will not tolerate anyone trying to come between your spouse and yourself.
If it isn't appropriate for your spouse to be at that engagement, or your spouse is indisposed, watch a picture you have taken of your spouse with your smartphone, or watch a video of your spouse, when you are facing temptation. Let affection for your spouse flood your heart while you are watching him, or her.
Reminding yourself that you love your spouse will increase your desire to remain loyal to your spouse.
7. Stay at Home With Your Spouse
The likelihood that you will cheat increases when you like staying out after work, and hanging out with friends in bars and nightclubs on weekends.
“Afua seemed to be a great girl,” says Kwame, who left his wife for another woman, only to regret his decision many months later.
“When I saw Afua, she seemed smart, someone who would be fun to be with. I was bored with always being in the house on weekends with Yaa, so when Afua came onto me in a bar on this Saturday, I felt it was an opportunity to break with the routine. She was really sexy. I was flattered and started going out with her. But I soon realized I had made a terrible mistake. She was fun, yes, but very wasteful, greedy, and selfish. If I had only listened to Yaa and stayed at home on that day, our marriage would not have ended on the rocks.”
If you do not want to suffer Kwame’s fate, make it a habit to stay at home with your spouse, especially on weekends.
It does not have to be boring. Have dates at home or try to do engaging and fun things together at home so that you will be content in the presence of your spouse.
Moreover, make your house a comfortable place where you will love to spend most of your time in a day. It will make you love to come home when you go out. Create peace and harmony in your relationship and let it pervade throughout the home.
8. Remember Your Children
One strategy you can use to be loyal to your spouse is to remember your children when you feel like cheating on your spouse. When those feelings grow strong, pause for a moment and consider your children.
Ask yourself some pertinent questions.
- What will happen to the children emotionally and psychologically when they get to know that I have cheated on their father or mother?
- How will they view me if it should come to light? Will they continue to respect me?
- If this affair should lead to a breakup, how will my children fare?
When you consider that your selfish action can lead to the collapse of the whole family, it may deter you from going ahead to fulfill your lustful desires.
9. Cut Ties With False Friends
“Bad company ruins good morals,” the Bible says. Some friends can make us do things we would otherwise not do. They can sometimes influence us and make us pick up bad habits.
When you see that any of your close friends, or close friends of your close friends, have the habit of cheating on their spouses, let it be a warning to you. Immediately break up that friendship. Do not give that friend a chance to influence you to become disloyal to your spouse.
Rather, make friends with people who will have a positive influence on your marriage, people who are loyal to their spouses, and have the attitude that a spouse must fulfill his, or her, marriage vows. Their influence will make you also want to remain loyal to your spouse.
10. Cultivate Spirituality as a Couple
Make it a point to spend time with God at least 10 minutes every day. Pray together as a couple and read God’s Word together.
This spiritual exercise will strengthen your inner man, give you spiritual strength, and make it easier to resist temptation.
Ask God to help you resist temptation like He helped Jesus to resist the temptation of Satan in the wilderness.
Pray a prayer such as, “Dear God, I thank you for this day you have blessed. Lord, I am going out of the house, and I will face many temptations today as I go about today’s activities. Father, please give me the strength I need today to fight off any temptation that will come my way. Let your presence go with me and help me to overcome the weakness of the flesh. I commit myself to you today and entreat your help. Thank you for answering me. Amen,” in the morning before you go to work.
It will give you assurance that the Greatest Living Power is backing you, and this will give you confidence to face any temptation that will try to stop you from being loyal to your spouse.
11. Practice Jesus' Presence
Being aware of Jesus’ presence, or thinking that He is with you wherever you go, is one thing you can do to help you remain loyal to your spouse. See Jesus not as a character in the Bible, but as a Living Being who goes everywhere you go with you. Knowing Jesus is watching you will make you careful about how you conduct yourself.
When you are tempted to be disloyal to your spouse, tell yourself, “Jesus is standing there watching me. He was also there when we said our wedding vows. I cannot fail Him.” The fear of failing Jesus will prevent you from doing the wrong thing and it will make it easier to be loyal to your spouse.
12. Make a Promise to Cultivate Trust
Make it your highest aim to be loyal to your spouse. Determine not to let anyone, or anything, destroy your marriage. Talk through problems, build trust, and continue to be romantic, and you will have a wonderful marriage.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio