Cindy is an author of several books, including travel books and self-help books about relationships and being single.
If You're Miserable, Don't Be Afraid to Give Up Something Bad!
Loneliness has got to be one of mankind's biggest fears. Fear of being alone and being lonely, fear of having to spend the rest of your life alone, fear of not having a partner, fear of having nobody to share your life with.
All these fears go through our minds, and it's this fear that often makes us remain in relationships that are no good for us. Instinctively and subconsciously, we know that we should get out, but fear of being alone and perhaps not finding someone else is what makes us hang in there and hang on. Even if it is to our detriment.
However, there comes a time when you need to re-evaluate your current situation, put your pride in your pocket, and end the relationship as soon as possible. If your partner shows many of these signs, you need to take a good long hard look at your relationship, and ask yourself, "Is it worth it?"
1. When the Bad Times Outnumber the Good
When you have more bad times than good, it's generally a good time to make a decision to leave. Why stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy, comfort-eat and miserable?
I hung in a bad relationship for years because I always told myself that when the times were good, they were awesomely outstandingly good. Unfortunately, when they were bad, they were putrid.
It was only when I reflected on my relationship honestly, that I admitted to myself that one excellent happy time, surrounded on both sides by ten terribly unhappy times, did not make that relationship worth staying in.
Make yourself a T on a piece of paper. On one side write down the good times you remember and the dates. On the other side of the T write down the bad times you remember and the dates. That will help you ascertain if your relationship is generally good or generally bad.
2. When He/She Constantly Puts You Down
If your partner doesn't appreciate you the way you are and constantly criticizes you, don't put up with them. Tell them you don't like it and you find their behaviour unacceptable. If they persist, put boot to rear and kick them out.
Nobody deserves to spend their life being constantly demeaned and put down. And if it happens in public, in front of your friends, that's even worse. For a start, it's embarrassing for you and for your friends, but also it shows that your partner has little or no respect for you. I find it hard to believe that you can have love without respect.
3. When He/She Loves Using the "Silent Treatment" as a Weapon
If this is happening, then there's no communication. Without communication, relationship struggle. It's amazing how many of us use the silent treatment as our weapons of choice.
You piss me off, then I'll punish you be refusing to engage in verbal and nonverbal communication with you. I turn on the 'ignore button' and pretend you are not there. My grandmother believed wholeheartedly in that old saying, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." She was right. Don't ever go to bed angry.
If your partner indulges in anger-sleep, then pray they are inflicted with nightmares and dump them in the morning. You can't fix something if the other person won't talk to you and tell you what's wrong. Life is too short to waste time on a person like that.
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4. When He/She Treats Your Family Members Badly
Hey, family is everything, right? It's okay for you to make snide comments about your family, but when someone else starts making nasty comments, or gives them the 'ignore treatment' or is abusive in any way, then why the hell do you want to stay with them?
Many divorced parents or single folk with children worry how their new partner will take to their children. If they are mean, nasty or you suspect they may be abusing your children, then get out. Never put your child in danger. I know that that is easier said than done. But life is too short to put your child at risk. Emotional, mental and verbal abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse.
5. When He/She Loves Nasty Substances More Than You
Should they enjoy just a little too much, alcohol and other potentially harmful substances like drugs, then seriously, you don't need that person in your life. Granted, you get happy drunks who can be very entertaining at times, but even that kind of entertainment gets wearisome.
Unfortunately, sad drunks bring you down with them, and angry drunks have no control over themselves and you can end up getting hurt. You are not going to change them. Love alone won't change them. Only they can change themselves and unfortunately, many don't really want to change as they are running away from something. If your partner spends too much time with drugs and druggie type friends, just don't go there. You deserve far more.
6. When He/She Has Jerkish Friends
Sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by the kind of people they hang out with. If their friends are thugs, your partner is probably a closet thug, even though they seem to be such a darling to you.
If the friends are loud and uncouth and make you feel uncomfortable in their presence, your partner probably behaves the same way when you are not around. One of the things of getting involved with another person is that you take on their friends and family as well. You get the whole package, and if the other people surrounding your loved one make you uneasy, then there's no point in staying around, as over time, it will get worse.
7. When Suspicious Creatures Crawl on Your Privates
If you have found something suspicious on your privates, and you know that you have been very very good and faithful, even though the pool boy was very tempting in his little red speedo, then you could only have picked up those little friends from your partner. That means one thing. Your partner hasn't been faithful to you.
If they cheat once, they'll do it again. It's your choice whether or not you can live with having a cheating partner or not. Some people actively seek open relationships. However, you have to set some ground rules then, that they'll take all the necessary precautions so that you don't get invested with their friends and spend all day itching and scratching until you bleed.
8. When He/She Never Bothers to Acknowledge Your Beauty, Good Looks, Skills, Intelligence
If this is the case, there's a good chance you'll end up being taken for granted. Everybody likes recognition and appreciciation and if you get neither, the lack of it will slowly eat into you like a cancer. The more you give, the more some people will take. You don't want to spend the rest of your life as a doormat.
9. When Some of Their Habits Are Repulsive
You might be able to put up with it initially during the honeymoon period, but the blind eye soon starts to wane and irritating habits will annoy you until you become crazy.
Look out for people who pick their nose in public and wipe it on the back of your couch, eat with their mouths open so that you can see the chewed food being mixed with saliva and being slowly masticated, pee on the floor and the seat and don't wipe it up, slurp their drink with a loud noise that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. In time, you'll want to commit murder.
10. When He/She Can't Work With Money or Hold Down a Job
My grandmother always used to say, "When money is tight, love goes out the window." How right she was. There is nothing that puts strain on a relationship more than a shortage of money and a partner who is unemployed. While initially, you find it quite uplifting to be supportive, it will eventually get you down.
Especially when you see your hard-earned money being frittered away on unnecessary items. In the current economic climate, many people have lost jobs and have found themselves unemployed. This is not their fault. However, you do get some people who can never seem to hold down a job.
They never stick to anything and always seem to have problems at work. It's a pattern. Those are the people best to stay clear of. It can't always be somebody else's fault when they lose their job.