10 Signs Your Spouse Is Having an Affair

Updated on December 13, 2016
 

You think that your significant other might be cheating on you. You don't want to sit idly by and let this happen but you don't want to wreak havoc in the relationship by making accusations that don't have any validity. The truth of the matter is that the best way to find out if a partner is cheating on you is just to ask - this keeps the lines of communication open and encourages trust in the relationship. However, that's not always the right choice for some people to make - at least not until they have a good sense of what the answer to their question is going to be.

For those people who are trying to figure out if their partner is cheating on them, here are ten signs that an affair is likely to be taking place:

  • 1. Your gut instinct says so. The most correct sign that your spouse or partner is cheating on you is that you feel it in your gut. If you think that your spouse is cheating then there's a good chance that there's a good reason that you have these suspicions. Of course, this is just one sign of a possible affair so you are going to want to look for more than this but it's a really good indication that something isn't quite right in this relationship.
  • 2. There are significant changes in your partner's behavior towards you. These aren't necessarily negative changes either. If your spouse suddenly starts calling you just because when he never did that or buying you flowers for no reason then there might be some indication there that he is having an affair and is trying to make up for the guilt that it is causing him. Negative changes such as a lack of phone calls could also be a sign of this.
  • 3. Your partner is spending more money than usual and you don't know on what. Of course, this could be a sign of some other big secret as well - such as a gambling problem - but in many cases this is a sign that an affair is taking place. People spend money on their new lovers and spend money to be secretive about an affair (hotel room rentals and such) so if money is going out the window and you don't know where it's landing, an affair might be happening.
  • 4. There is a break in communication. You ask your husband how work was and instead of telling you stories about the office, he just says "fine". Things like this indicate that he may be hiding something and figures that just not saying anything about anything is a good way to keep this secret.
  • 5. Mutual friends stop seeing you as often or start acting strange when talking to you. Unfortunately other people who know you are more likely to know about an affair before you find out. Many won't tell but they'll distance themselves from you or otherwise try to make themselves less responsible for the problem. If your friends are acting strange, you might want to ask them if there is a reason.
  • 6. Your partner is spending a lot of time with one specific person. Yes, people join gyms and make gym buddies or they start work projects and spend late nights at the office with their team. But if a slew of new phone calls and emails and appointments are directed towards one individual, you may be right in assuming that there's more to the relationship that what meets the eye.
  • 7. Your significant other is suddenly more interested in his own appearance than usual. People in long term relationships tend to slack off on certain things - grooming and hygiene habits, dressing up to go out, etc. If these things start becoming a priority again then it might because there is someone else out there in the world other than you that your partner wants to impress.
  • 8. Your sex life is different. If things were going along normally and suddenly there is a change then it could be a sign of an affair. The specific change may vary. It may be an increased interest in sex or a decreased interest in sex. It could be that he's suddenly interested in trying out new things that you've never talked about before or hadn't talking about it in a long time. Or it may be that he just feels like he's not quite there in the same way during sex. Slight changes could mean nothing at all or they could be a symptom of an affair.
  • 9. Travel or reasons to be out of the home increase. The most stereotypical sign that someone is having an affair is that they are suddenly taking a whole lot of business vacations or spending too many late nights at the office. These signs are commonly stereotyped signs because they often really are signs of an affair. If these are coming up in your relationship, you may want to start asking questions about why.
  • 10. Your partner is avoiding you. You don't see each other as much as you used to. You don't have intense conversations anymore because he has to check his email or run errands every time that you start to talk about anything real. He leaves before you get up in the morning or comes home after you're in bed. If your partner is avoiding you then there is probably a reason and the reason might be an affair.

The thing about all of these signs is that they may not be signs of an affair after all. Your gut instinct could be caused by nothing more than jealousy and fear. The constant workouts with the new gym buddy may be nothing more than a desire to do something different for awhile. In the end, you're still going to have to ask your spouse for the truth if you want to know for sure whether or not he is cheating on you. But looking for these ten signs can help you decide whether or not your fears are even justified.

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      Linda Kimbely 

      93 minutes ago

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      8 days ago

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      11 days ago

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      Charles Winfry 

      2 weeks ago

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      Doris Kalinowski 

      4 weeks ago

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      2 months ago

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      peterson atkinson 

      3 months ago

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      9 months ago

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      Alyssa 

      2 years ago

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      nicole 

      2 years ago

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      Amber 

      2 years ago

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      Nicole 

      2 years ago

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      2 years ago

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      Family Nightmare 

      3 years ago

      My husband adopted my daughter when she was an adult. I always had a gut feeling about them and even told him to watch his self. Sure enough 18 years later they are having an affair, even making a big deal out of Father's day. Now I'm 60 and of course men don't want "old women" anymore. I've lost my entire family. I'm in a nightmare I'll never get out of.

    • profile image

      janet 

      4 years ago

      My name is Janet from usa,i want to say thanks to dr abiza for how he restored my marriage back within three days.My husband left me and two kids for eight months to stay with another woman, as if that was not enough he stoped paying our bills. One faithful day as i was browsing through my laptop i came across a testimony by Mr Robert of how he gain his wife back after two years of seperation with the help of a great spell caster called Dr abiza through this address (drabizaspelltemple20@hotmail.com).so i decided to give it a try and i contacted him through the email address Mr Robert pasted along with his testimony. After some minutes of chat with the spell caster he told me what to do which i really did. To cut my own testimony short, my husband came home after three days as said by the spell caster, begging me on his knees to forgive him for the ill treatment he gave to me and the kids.Now am happy with my family again.

    • profile image

      Fabs 

      5 years ago

      Being that I work in an office environment- I know plenty of men that are having affairs.. and they all act on at least 7 of the ten "signs".. I believe women know if their spouse is cheating BUT I also believe they choose to look the other way.

    • profile image

      miss Jessica Busch 

      5 years ago

      I am miss Jessica Busch from South Africa, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband Dario Busch, i love him so much we have been married for 6 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady called Anal, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I met my friend Mrs Luis and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr.Ancient a spell caster,who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 3days. Mrs Luis ask me to contact Dr.Ancient I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by Three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After Three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr.Ancient on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his contact ancientbeninshrine@gmail.com. He is the best spell caster

    • profile image

      jahana 

      5 years ago

      My boyfriend and I were happy as far as I could tell and I never thought that we would break up. When his cousin died in a tragic car accident he went back to Philippine for a week to be with his family. I could not go because I was in the middle of entertaining out of town clients for work. He did not seem to be upset that I could not go so I let him be. The next thing that I know, he reconnected with an old friend from high school that he had a crush on years ago and they started to have an affair! I had no clue what was going on until a month after he came back from Philippine.He proceeded to see both her and I until I caught him testing her one night. I confronted him and he told me the truth about what happened. We broke up and went our separate ways. Neither of us fought for our relationship. I was angry and decided not to be upset about it and just keep it moving. Then after about a month of not speaking to him I became sad. I wanted him to tell me that he wanted to be with me and not her. I contacted Dr.Ancient from ANCIENT BENIN SHRINE for a love spell and he totally helped me! he was able to get him to miss me to where he wanted to get back together again. He had a lot of regrets and felt bad for not fighting to keep me and for cheating in general. He values our relationship so much more now and we are together now! You can also get your lover back with the help of Dr. Ancient contact him through ancientbeninshrine@gmail.com

    • profile image

      jake 

      5 years ago

      I contacted Ancient benin shrine because someone that I loved the most suddenly left me. I have always been the one that has been hurt. I knew that when I first met him, he was the one I have always been looking for. For some reason he's been holding on to the pain from a past relationship. Dr.Ancient so far has been in contact with me every day and has decided that he will take my case. He told me that me and the guy was very well matched and he will help clear his mind from all the negativity. He did all that and now we are now both happy together again. Thank you Ancient benin shrine .Thank you for choosing my case. Thank you for giving me hope again. Email ancientbeninshrine@gmail.com jake

    • profile image

      Sholly 

      5 years ago

      Am send a great Thank You, Thank You to a very great spell lady. Yes I'm a regular with this woman and that's why you see lots of feedback ratings from me to her. I never knew nothing of this spell up until my ex broke up with me leaving me frustrated with life, then a close friend gave me info about a spell lady who helped him to get back his job, he said many things about this spell lady and how powerful she is. I contacted this spell lady on her email priestessifaa@yahoo.com not having an idea of how things work, I chatted and talked over the phone just to be sure of what am about to do. But i was very confuse and skeptical though i was heart broken.

      To cut the long story short, the spell lady did spell that worked for me in 2days. My lover came back to me and begged never to cheat or ever hurt me again. It looks as if i was dreaming and never wanted to wakeup but it was so real. This spell lady is great as my friend said; trust me. But the only way you will know for your self is by calling or emailing on her and seeing for yourself. One thing though is if you are facing life struggle and difficulties, you would do anything to get out of it just like i did. The only reason I genitally contacted this spell lady was because I liked what friend were saying about her. They were all right on with what I found out too. This is not a sales pitch, but what can I say; she is good. her email is priestessifaa@yahoo.com.

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      missu 

      5 years ago

      my name is missu and I am happy that wiseindividualspell@gmail.com help me bring my boyfriend back, my boyfriend has started loving me again and he has promise to get married to me and have kids with me, he said he love me and he will never go close to any woman accept me and promise to get married to me next week.

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      kolia 

      6 years ago

      "I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS UNTIL I MET THIS WORLD'S TOP SPELL CASTER. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE WOMAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS... I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO USA, MY GIRLFRIEND(NOW WIFE) CALLED ME BY HERSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND SHE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY GIRLFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED

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    • profile image

      faso 

      6 years ago

      you now an old lady told me that.we women are full,thinking a man is not going is he is not pass off his urine

    • profile image

      judge 

      6 years ago

      Before contacting the freemercytemple@yahoo.com For help, I was struggling with fear and condemnation about loosing my wife. But

      this temple taught me how to be free and shown me how much my wife truly loves me through his spell casting,and nothing will ever

      change that. She will NEVER leave me and because i can see the spell casting is really working, and I just want to shout from a

      mountain top that is truth. My thanks to him for showing me how to work with a good spell caster like him in His power, love, and

      mercy. God Bless him and contact him if you need any help freemercytemple@yahoo.com

    • profile image

      lonley girl 

      6 years ago

      my husband of a few months has already cheated he was a cheater before, thought he would change. He thinks its ok just cause he admitted to it. He tries to give me his bullshit by looking me in my eyes and tells me he loves only me, yeah like i believe his sincerity. he talks to girls online too i don't care if they're half way across the country it still bothers me. don't know what to do i hate to admit to everyone that my marriage was a fail by getting a divorce so soon

    • profile image

      A hubby 

      6 years ago

      Dear,

      She goes over to her mother's place...and never says when she'd return....

      In My gut I have a feeling that she still loves me...and she knows how much I love her....but whenever she goes to her place, she keeps the conversations very brief...ONLY I have to call. She never calls even if the last conv was a day back....I feel like world has ended...without her...because she was my world....I hate to be alive with such a relationship.

    • profile image

      Romeo 

      6 years ago

      You only live once

    • profile image

      Keith 

      6 years ago

      I'm sorry but I must post.....if someone cheats on you, or you are the cheater, then IT IS EVERYTHING BUT RIGHT. Never should cheating be an option. If you are unhappy, then leave. Cheating only opens the door for others to be hurt. It affects more than just you or your significant other.

      And people, please.....it's not that men are necessarily stupid or less intelligent than our counterpart; we just don't care. If a man is wanting to cheat or delve into anything other than his other half, it's because he just doesn't care anymore. He doesn't want to be caught, but has weighed this in his mind....."if I get caught, then what?" The consequences to him will be the deciding factor. Rest assured that if someone really wants to keep something from you, whether they be male or female, then it will happen.

    • profile image

      lovely 

      6 years ago

      the only sign im experiencing with my husband is the behavior change n gut instinct but tht can not count because im very jealous and insecure and he has left me for someone he works with once before. we split up for 7 months while i was pregnant with his child.. he got distant and told me he was seeing someone else so didn't necessarily cheat...... im so damaged its hard to believe anything or anyone........ he doesn't have any major signs some of them are he s up and down one month he is distant and the next he is super nice and affectionate like a damn roller coaster with him! one month he wont care about his apperance the next he really does...what does this mean??? he always has a diff pattern????? sometimes he texts me everyday at break n sumtimes he juss don't? he doesn't hide his phone or ever hardly get on computer we r always together except at work.... and i don't always know when he actually gets off cuz its a trailor factory? he tells me that a pretty girl juss started is he being honest w me cuz he loves me or is tht a sign????? im so confused???? wish he was juss the same person all the time and not so up and down hot and cold?

    • profile image

      Tank 

      6 years ago

      What about women they cheat yes they are smart but what about the good men help us out

    • profile image

      CJB 

      6 years ago

      My wife can't seem to stop contacting ex boyfriends and sexting them. She doesn't know that I know...but it doesn't take a genius to know something is going on. Like this article said, I first felt it in my gut that something was wrong, and I asked her about it...she said nothing was wrong. So I let it go as if maybe I was just overreacting....trust me ppl...always trust your gut. I picked up her phone one morning and looked at who she had been talking to, because it hadn't been me. What I found next gave me a feeling that some ppl would call rage...only about 100 times worse. I won't go into details what I saw, but I was looking at a picture that a man had sent my wife...and it wasn't a picture of his face. The texts that they were sending back and forth made my stomach turn. Again, my wife has no clue that I've seen all this, or even knows about the sexting. As of right now, that's all I know of that's happened, I have no proof that they have actually met. Despite what ppl say...if you have a reason to think that your wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, whoever...is cheating on you, physically or emotionally...YOU DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO INVESTIGATE....especially if there is a paper that says marriage license on it!!! I have yet to bring this subject up to my wife...because I plan to get as much proof as I can...and just part of my heart is hoping that she will realize what's she's doing is wrong, and stop on her own. If she doesn't, then I will have to confront her.

    • profile image

      Angel 

      6 years ago

      I'm offended on how this article refuted to men as cheating. They use words suck as "he".

      First of all , not all men cheats, I never did anything to hurt my girlfriend and never will I ever do anything to hurt her.

      She is better then that to have that done to her. And my girlfriend cheated on me before and she did all of things. So next time write he/she.

      And most of yous are saying " then why am I still with her "

      because I love her with all my heart and she means the world to me and I forgave her.

    • profile image

      Jennet 

      6 years ago

      Oh my lordly MESSIAH, I GOT LASLEY BACK. I'm so excited, It only took a 5 1/2 DAYS after the spell casting for him to come back home to me. Bless divinity and bless god. i must be dreaming as i never thoughts he would be back to me after all this time after all bad things that has happen to me. I am so much shock and just cant believe my eyes. thank you thank you MESSIAH freemercytemple@yahoo.com thank you from the bottom of my heart. Jennet.

    • profile image

      Quite 

      6 years ago

      my wife has been asking me have i cheated when i was about to leave her about six months ago when she came out and told me that she and another male frined of hers were actually sexually active, however prior to her admitting it to me she was adomate about her and this guy has never done anything and would cry cause i didn't believe her but she said it was before we meet and she didn't tell me cause it was not my business. Now she was telling me that she never done anything with him vigoursly for 10months and i would always tell her that they did but if so that was before my time so i didn't care so he would still come around and do stuff for us around the house but she never told me yet and in this time after being married he would still make flirtatious comes and be trying to get with her but before i got married i told her if a person ever breaks my trust then their DONE cause i have trust issues and now she keeps asking me if i ever cheated, somebody tell me what you think? Im very laid back and take you at your word but i aint no fool

    • profile image

      notrustonwomen 

      6 years ago

      I DON'T TRUST WOMEN anywhere on this planet. I am dating two women right now both of them are married. I believe women can always cheat on you if they have opportunity, regardless of the culture or religion. Very few don't cheat because they madly love their guy.

      DON'T FUCKIN BLIND TRUST YOUR WIVES.

    • profile image

      Justice 

      6 years ago

      If you feel your partner is cheating you need to take a look at your past relationships. If you have always felt that way no matter who your relationship was with then you may be the problem and the affair you feel might be there is actually nonexistent. I know because I have been there. I have to say though if you have never met your partners parents you should it may give you some insight about their weird behaviors. My spouses mother is a psycho she still to this day accuses her 65about year old husband of being unfaithful. She is mean and has been since she thought there may have been an affair. He never divorced her though and she is a miserable human being even towards her own children but worse towards her husband. So just think of the person you could become if you never overcome the feeling that one person gave to you the mistrust they created will damage every single relationship your ever in if and o ly if you let it. My father cheated on my mother every chance he got and it has ruined my relationships in life.....the thing is my splice has learned to deal with accusations from watching his mother accuse his father and I have learned to deal with a cheater from watching my mother deal with my father......so does that make us the perfect cheaters or does it make us honest life lovers because we watched our parents be in pain and we have learned we don't want that in our lives? People do things at specific times because they become selfish at that specific time.....how selfish are you?

    • profile image

      Sexist 

      6 years ago

      This article is extremely sexist. My mom has been cheating on my dad and had lied to me about it even when I broke down and cried in front of her. She swore on her own dead fathers body (who was a priest btw) and lied to my entire family when confronted about it. So drop

      The sexism and get real. Woman cheat just as much as men, they're just better liers. Especially when you trust them because they're your own mother and you love them.

    • profile image

      Worried 

      6 years ago

      l had this gut feeling my partner was cheating on me, he seemed different, so l did something that l never done before, and l feel guilt about it, and that was go through his phone, and guess what l found txt messages, so now l know what his up to, but how do l approach him on it.l feel sick in the stomach... and yet he say,s he loves me., and lm the love of his life.. what am l to do, he is an interstate transport driver.

    • profile image

      Truthbtold 

      6 years ago

      I would like to say that this info is helpful. I have been cheated on. The biggest thing he would do is start fights with me out of no where so he had an excuse to leave without me questioning him about where he was going or what he was doing. Another clue to look for! And also I must add that once someone has veen cheated on that "gut instinct" is always there, in my new marriage now I am always looking for signs because of my past relationship, and its not fair to my husband but I try to tell myself that my instincts don't count on this one because I have already been damaged in the sense that I will never trust any man ever 100%.

    • profile image

      dange 

      6 years ago

      all true!

    • profile image

      Survivor 

      6 years ago

      Yes, all of these signs usually are there when someome is cheating,but there not always cheating when the signs are there. Men get stressed too,good men work hard n sometimes long hours. Maby hes workin those hours to help provide for u n the kids. Maby hes not in the mood because hes tired from workinh his butt off. Maby he picked up a new hobby because hes interested in it. Bottom line is have faith in your man,love him,and take care of him. Worry about if hes cheating when u have serious signs looking u in the face.

      And if he is,use it as an opportunity to fix ur relationship. Ladies,the truth is, hes cheating because of something broken inside of him or something critical is missing from ur relationship. It is NOT ur fault. He just as easily could have chosen to open up to u and talk before it got to that point,he could have chosen another way. His choice,his issue.If u believe he is a good man and was just lost,stay,work with him. Show him u love him enough to fight with him. Chances are the woman he cheated with wouldn't be willing to go through the same.

      Last but not least,don't take ur man for granted. Men need to be needed and wanted just like us.

    • profile image

      Survivor 

      6 years ago

      Not all men r cheating dogs. Men have real feelings. Sure,some men will always cheat,some men will always be faithful,and some men will make the biggest mistake of their life and cheat...and regret it. Men are just as complex as woman but usually arent that good at the emotions inside of them. My husband cheated, I went through hell. However I proved how much I love him by staying. Because of that he decided to go through hell with me.

      He faced himself,his broken insides,his demonds. He is an even better husband now than ever. Im happier now than ever. Relationships don't have room for honest to god truth until something rips a hole open in it and makes room.

    • profile image

      Alone 

      6 years ago

      My wife is constantly wanting a younger man to eat with us. When I lived out of town. They would go and drink together. My wife has not touched med in Months. Feel like leaving her I am tried and alone.

    • profile image

      ForcedToBeALoner 

      6 years ago

      Hi all, after reading this I am more confused than before...

      I am married for almost 9 years and because of leaving the country looking for a better life we ended up separated for one year. We are together for the last 5 years but our intimacy is not present anymore. The last time we had something between us was around February, it's December now! My wife doesn't seem interested at all in doing something about it and I am loosing my interest in her because of it. I did try everything that I could think of to bring us together, always in vain. Any suggestions? I am thinking about divorce because I don't know what else to do...

    • profile image

      andy 

      6 years ago

      ohhhhhh dear, I think my wife is having a fling,not 100% clear about what the f...k to do, I love her and my young dauthers V/much. Howevere, weems to prefer the late noghts an d bottle/s of wine. I don`t think I can be more helpful, I work, take the little person to school, help around the home etc etc, not quite sure what the hell do !!!!

    • profile image

      frustrated husband 

      6 years ago

      my wife has been refusing sex for months at a time over the last few years. she has also ballooned and doesnt seem to want to do anything about it. perhaps if I fake the ten signs above she might think she has some competition and sort her life out. Oh hang on thats playing mind games which is a womans weapon of choice.

    • profile image

      miszhca 

      6 years ago

      .i know hes having an affair.. that waz the bad part.. the good part is that were not married

    • blairtracy profile image

      blairtracy 

      6 years ago from Canada

      These are great tips! Great hub.

    • sexyponkie profile image

      sexyponkie 

      6 years ago

      Sometimes when men cheat they try to cover it up by becoming more attentive or giving more details of their whereabouts without even being asked to prove where they were or what they were doing

    • mojefballa profile image

      Ikeji Chinweuba 

      7 years ago from Nigeria

      Very informative and self revealing idea.thanks for this article.

    • theoctopusjar profile image

      theoctopusjar 

      7 years ago from The Bay Area, CA

      Wow this is great, and so clear. This is going to help a lot of others. Thanks for sharing!

    • profile image

      Gurubuzz 

      7 years ago

      All this info can be really dangerous. My wife has no idea of the horrible way she makes me feel by the way she says things and the moods she gets in (for Weeks). If i do one thing wrong our relationship is in tatters for weeks. AND IT"S ALL MY FAULT. now she thinks I'm cheating on her..How awful of this rubbish article(above) to make her think this. Yes I do go to the hardware store at a whim, because I am building a Studio, Yes I do jump up and go to help a friend, who built another studio for me, as I am the only one who can fix his recording gear and I owe him a lot...

      Yes, between midnight and 3 am I do tend to end conversations abruptly because I am about to sleep, and yes I do say I am tired and then go on facebook or look at porn...BUT I AM NOT CHEATING ON MY WIFE

      !!!WARNING***WARNING###WARNING!!!!

      Don't automatically think your husband is cheating on you after reading the 10 hints above...CONSIDER THIS

      You are a negative, sad, complaining person who thinks only YOUR feelings are worth anything.....

      Listen to your husband and do take on some suggestions...WE ARE ALL HUMAN we all have our ups and downs It is unfair to expect all YOUR shortcomings to be forgiven and come down like a tonne of bricks on your husband for swearing or calling you a name, when you have been unbearable....

      Take a breath and be normal don't clutch at straws as to why he is treating you this way...The answer is a lot closer....it could be at least 50% YOU......

    • profile image

      Wondering lots 

      7 years ago

      I'm wondering if my spouse is cheating. He goes through periods of being a little nasty to me, working a lot (or so he says) and not letting me in his van, leaving his phone in there, going to the garage for long periods of time, and saying stuff about what he wouldn't do if he were to cheat. Think those are clues, or what?

    • profile image

      Nanssy 

      7 years ago

      i found my husband cheating on me for many years and i just got to know it when i was 6 months pregnant. one of the sign he shows was that he will not let me touch his handphone or notebook.

    • profile image

      DavidLivingston 

      7 years ago

      This is an interesting post. Thanks for sharing.

    • kesinee profile image

      Sranunta Lamduan 

      7 years ago from Bangkok, Thailand

      This is so true. Your story can help many wives or women.

    • profile image

      adam t 

      7 years ago

      if she is lying and having less sex than usual YES she is having an affair.SIMPLE.

    • phiphi profile image

      phiphi 

      7 years ago from USA

      Nice hub and very truly saying

    • profile image

      Nathalie 

      7 years ago

      I would never have believed that I'd stray from my marriage. However after 3 years of virtual, husband initiated, celibacy I was feeling so down and unloved that I tentatively joined extra-marital dating site Illicit Encounters earlier this year (leaving hubbie and kids was not an option for me). Since then, I've met my wonderful and sensitive lover on the site (who was also trapped in an unhappy marriage) and our fortnightly illicit liaisons have restored my self worth and I'd venture to say have saved my marriage! Statistics I've read suggest that women are better at cheating and keeping it secret than men. Certainly my husband hasn't got a whiff of mine. It does require an ability to compartmentalize your emotions, and women being more sophisticated emotionally may find this easier to do. Having an affair is a huge step, but not always wrong.

    • profile image

      crissy111 

      7 years ago

      What i they use there job as an excuse and yu don't know if its a lie or the truth? hes in the army and like most people know they CAN keep yu from things... but the first week of him making excuses for not coming for lunch im getting suspicious

    • profile image

      James the Rocket 

      7 years ago

      No, if I started buying my girl flowers or treating her better (am single, am jumping ahead say 2 years into a r'ship) in some ways, it might be cos I think SHE is having an affair, not that I would be. A lot of your hub makes sense, but this particular idea is wrong. I'm not a cheater, but believe me, I and I think most of my male brothers, would not 'feel guilty' if we were cheating. A woman may do this? I don't know.. I do know the hairstyle. clothing, gym thing/weight loss thing is a real sign, yes. Girls let themselves go once they snare you, then when things decline they smarten up when they seek passion elsewhere, then they just dump you. My fault for getting girls low on self esteem who are slightly over weight (you cant get them to exercise, they simply wont, so don't get a cute chubby girl and think you can mould them, cos you cant) then lose it for the next guy. The phone thing is right on, and yes the work thing is a killer. I've been emailing a girl in Africa who works (she says) in a customs clearing co and travels all the time for her work, she also has exactly 50 black male Facebook friends even though she says she only likes white guys sexually (like me) and she once lied about not chatting to her sister at the same time she was chatting to me (I could see them chatting on my gmail, 'she says', 'sister says')... if she lies about nothing... there, how's that for signs of future cheating!?

    • alphonsians93 profile image

      alphonsians93 

      7 years ago from Cebu Philippines

      wow!! excellent, because that is very hard to find out! Superb work of art!!! This is a very interesting topic!!! lots of learning and good insights!!!! Thankx for the insights

      http://www.worldwar42.blogspot.com/

    • profile image

      Allan 

      8 years ago

      "If your spouse suddenly starts calling you just because when he never did that or buying you flowers for no reason then there might be some indication there that he is having an affair and is trying to make up for the guilt that it is causing him. Negative changes such as a lack of phone calls could also be a sign of this."

      Nice. Gotta love people who insist that not only is a change in behavior a sign of an affair, but so is a LACK of change. Tell me, is there anything a man can do that ISN'T a sign of an affair?

      (I suppose getting hit by a bus and dying could be one, but how much you want to bet his wife would assume he had just broken an affair off with the bus driver?)

    • profile image

      bev 

      8 years ago

      my mom is having an affair and i don't know how to stop it pleas help me

    • cblack profile image

      cblack 

      8 years ago from a beach somewhere

      Rose Ella Morton 9 months ago

      Sorry: Jim, Woman are much smarter then men, You may never know.

      Lol Rose. Woman Power!

    • Proff52 profile image

      Proff52 

      8 years ago from Mombasa Kenya

      Very Good Advice fr those who are "Sleeping" when they should be Alert!!!!

    • Mahmo profile image

      Mahmo 

      8 years ago

      Now I understand why all wifes are always living in doubt, and why they chase us all times and by all means !

    • profile image

      kje1973 

      8 years ago

      i think a lot of these people who have affairs (fuck the love bullshit) is because they insecurities, and rather face up to the realities of life, bills, mortgage, the real stuff that can cause a drain on a relationship. Rather than work on it and make it right, they go and look for something better. To try an rekindle that spark we all have had at the beginning of the relationship...... Wakeup!! its called lust..... I wears off after a while, then life falls back into the same routines that you tried to escape from.

      Humans are a creature of habit and prone to keep on making the same mistakes. We may think we are special, but at the end of the day we are SO SO predictable.

    • profile image

      kje1973 

      8 years ago

      Yep, my wife fits all 10, and when i confronted her she asked for a divorce.

    • profile image

      numbskull 

      8 years ago

      i think my partener is cheating but he always has and the sad thing is every time i have caught him he has denied

      now am giving him his taste of a medicine and doing the same but he don't seem t care he doesn't know but isn't itrersted either don't know wot to do:(

    • lululemon is pwn profile image

      lululemon is pwn 

      8 years ago from Canada

      *sigh* my mom's having an affair behind my AND MY DADS BACK i caught her van leaving his house last week and im sure thes going to be a divorce :'(

    • profile image

      talair 

      8 years ago

      he is having affairs and will not admit it. do not want to spy. have asked for honest discussion on the subject but he gets angry and denies it all. just have to work on healing myself after 21 year marriage.

    • truheart profile image

      truheart 

      8 years ago

      Great hub! I was also on both sides of the cheating fence and it hurts either way!

    • Betty Reid profile image

      Betty Reid 

      8 years ago from Texas

      Nice hub. I was dating someone who actually became more attentive and affectionate towards me when he started sleeping with another woman. Now I'm dating someone who seems distant some times, but he always has a good excuse (as far as I can tell).

    • christalluna1124 profile image

      christalluna1124 

      8 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Nice informative hub, my relationship has all these signs and all he ever talks about now is how great the woman he works for is. She even lets him use her nicer, newer car. The one I got him wasn't nice enough. The only reason i stay is I have been with him since his son was two and he is now 8, he calls me mommy and I know if I leave he wont let me see him.

      Warmest regards,

      Chris

    • profile image

      Aji 

      8 years ago

      If you truly love someone, you will never ever cheat on them.

    • privateye2500 profile image

      privateye2500 

      8 years ago from Canada, USA, London

      Hi - check out this hub...not for the hub but for the Comments. Talk about a lot of PAIN.

      https://hubpages.com/relationships/How-do-you-forg...

      And now there are guys writing hubs on how to Have affairs and not get caught! I just read 2 of them. Kinda sick. Geez! GROW UP men - grow some balls! You think you are all so *hot*...? Want your wife and family and that's just not good enough, aye!? Same goes for women of course.

      If you want sex with lots of people; just go do it - ALONE! You don't need to hurt your wives/husbands. Grow up and don't get married...just go out and have all the sex you want. ALone.

      Unless you are the type of sicko who gets off on hurting the ones you are supposed to love the most. Get off on Lieing and playing these demented games.

      GROW UP! (and probably get some therapy).

      Oh - and BTW - I asked, he lied. No communication. lol

      M/

    • profile image

      fubby 

      8 years ago

      your dam right. good thinking good product. but these must be from many lots of practical experience from you. just kiddin.

    • profile image

      The Mistress 

      8 years ago

      Normally some association with something between points 2 to 10 leads you to point one... Gut instinct alone is not what makes you suspect a partner spouse or loved one to be having an affair, its something in their actions, unusal behaviour and yes... the fact they are being unusually 'nice' equate to suspicions that MAY well be true.

      Please bear in mind that for one to be having an affair, you have to be in a relationship in the first instance... please do not fool yourself into believing that the fact you have been out on a few dates dictates that you have a 'hold' on that person.

      Until you have had THE conversation that your are making the commitment to be monogamous, then you have a right to accuse someone of an affair.

      Obviously in a marriage, seeing someone secretively even without any sexual relations is still an deemed an affair!!! and those that may dispute this statement are likely to be the type that want their cake and eat everybody elses!

      I have been on both sides on the fence, been cheated on and been a mistress so for what its worth my final conclusion to be drawn from any perspective of whether its forgivable or not is not the point - the point is that the person making the choice to be unfaithful is not happy with the person they are with - FACT thats why the affair had a chance. So what ever rubbish they come out with... it was a mistake... it didn't mean anything.. it was only once.. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN CAUSE.... and here we go... wait for it... the biggie... cause I LOVE YOU.... hahahaha if you fall for that corker... then more fool you...

      If they loved you that much it would never have happened...

      and I know .... men fall over others to get to me.... but the good ones stay true... even my magical mesmerising presence does not work to break their loyalty to their partner - and that I truly respect and because that is so rare to find, I do not put them in my radar - even to a point I may avoid having them as friends as temptation is no good thing.

      So once a cheat 'on you' yes I concur always a cheat 'on you' but they are not cheaters... its just accept the fact -you two are not meant to be...

      and move on...

      If there is any hope - maybe time and space will bring you back together, but then you have to live with the knowledge of the past and that is a choice you have made but be honest with yourself..

      Is the choice to stay made because you fear being alone????

    • MattUSAF2525 profile image

      MattUSAF2525 

      8 years ago

      Really great hub. Though sometimes the guilty party tells you they cheated before you even get to figure it out. Not sure which is worse. To find out slowly and suspiciously over time, or in one quick kick to the head?

    • profile image

      stacey reece 

      8 years ago

      Really good hub. I think your spot on with the gut feelings, however some people are just over jealous and there is a fine line between the two. Nice work :0)

    • pd.raju4u profile image

      pd.raju4u 

      8 years ago from INDIA

      Nice hub Kathryn, but that depends upon the spouse how they were maintaing their relationships and chemistry with each other. I do agree with Rose that "Women are much smarter than men" Thank you n keep continuing your wonderful hubs.

    • NatashaLee96 profile image

      NatashaLee96 

      8 years ago from UK

      I like this hub very useful, better to find out sooner than later.

    • profile image

      M J 

      8 years ago

      I caught him having the affair and told him to end it! My gut tells he it continues. He has changed and is more attentive at home but I have this overbearing feeling that he is still seeing her. If he is it is more secretive than before, what other signs might there be?

    • ameliehub profile image

      ameliehub 

      8 years ago from UK

      Hi Kathryn, a great and useful hub. i am sure it i going to help lots of people. Also congrax in advance for your 500th hub.

    • Anamika S profile image

      Anamika S Jain 

      8 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

      Great Hub! All you points makes sense. I see that you are at 499 hubs and 3 years in HubPages. I am looking forward to see your 500th Hub. Congratulations in advance!

    • profile image

      angel 

      8 years ago

      it hurts to be cheated

    • Rose Ella Morton profile image

      Rose Ella Morton 

      8 years ago from Beverly Hills, Michigan

      Sorry: Jim, Woman are much smarter then men, You may never know.

    • profile image

      jim 

      8 years ago

      This article is very gender bias. How do you know when SHE is cheating on you?

    • profile image

      She's the Blade 

      9 years ago

      I was on the cheating side once too and the thing I realized was possession:

      didn't want me to touch his cell phone, leave his computer alone, even started doing his own laundry.

    • profile image

      Dean 

      9 years ago

      I use to be on the cheating side and one sign i think i would always display was heading straight for the showers when I got in. Very nice Hub!

    • profile image

      Spirit4112 

      9 years ago

      yep, changed attitude, delayed calls...the whole bit....along with the lies....all the lies.

    • sweetascandy profile image

      sweetascandy 

      9 years ago

      i like your page it is cool check out mine and see what you think.

    • First Glance profile image

      First Glance 

      9 years ago from Mumbai

      nice hub, good thinking. its helpful for many peoples and for me as well..

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