10 Signs Your Spouse Is Having an Affair
You think that your significant other might be cheating on you. You don't want to sit idly by and let this happen but you don't want to wreak havoc in the relationship by making accusations that don't have any validity. The truth of the matter is that the best way to find out if a partner is cheating on you is just to ask - this keeps the lines of communication open and encourages trust in the relationship. However, that's not always the right choice for some people to make - at least not until they have a good sense of what the answer to their question is going to be.
For those people who are trying to figure out if their partner is cheating on them, here are ten signs that an affair is likely to be taking place:
- 1. Your gut instinct says so. The most correct sign that your spouse or partner is cheating on you is that you feel it in your gut. If you think that your spouse is cheating then there's a good chance that there's a good reason that you have these suspicions. Of course, this is just one sign of a possible affair so you are going to want to look for more than this but it's a really good indication that something isn't quite right in this relationship.
- 2. There are significant changes in your partner's behavior towards you. These aren't necessarily negative changes either. If your spouse suddenly starts calling you just because when he never did that or buying you flowers for no reason then there might be some indication there that he is having an affair and is trying to make up for the guilt that it is causing him. Negative changes such as a lack of phone calls could also be a sign of this.
- 3. Your partner is spending more money than usual and you don't know on what. Of course, this could be a sign of some other big secret as well - such as a gambling problem - but in many cases this is a sign that an affair is taking place. People spend money on their new lovers and spend money to be secretive about an affair (hotel room rentals and such) so if money is going out the window and you don't know where it's landing, an affair might be happening.
- 4. There is a break in communication. You ask your husband how work was and instead of telling you stories about the office, he just says "fine". Things like this indicate that he may be hiding something and figures that just not saying anything about anything is a good way to keep this secret.
- 5. Mutual friends stop seeing you as often or start acting strange when talking to you. Unfortunately other people who know you are more likely to know about an affair before you find out. Many won't tell but they'll distance themselves from you or otherwise try to make themselves less responsible for the problem. If your friends are acting strange, you might want to ask them if there is a reason.
- 6. Your partner is spending a lot of time with one specific person. Yes, people join gyms and make gym buddies or they start work projects and spend late nights at the office with their team. But if a slew of new phone calls and emails and appointments are directed towards one individual, you may be right in assuming that there's more to the relationship that what meets the eye.
- 7. Your significant other is suddenly more interested in his own appearance than usual. People in long term relationships tend to slack off on certain things - grooming and hygiene habits, dressing up to go out, etc. If these things start becoming a priority again then it might because there is someone else out there in the world other than you that your partner wants to impress.
- 8. Your sex life is different. If things were going along normally and suddenly there is a change then it could be a sign of an affair. The specific change may vary. It may be an increased interest in sex or a decreased interest in sex. It could be that he's suddenly interested in trying out new things that you've never talked about before or hadn't talking about it in a long time. Or it may be that he just feels like he's not quite there in the same way during sex. Slight changes could mean nothing at all or they could be a symptom of an affair.
- 9. Travel or reasons to be out of the home increase. The most stereotypical sign that someone is having an affair is that they are suddenly taking a whole lot of business vacations or spending too many late nights at the office. These signs are commonly stereotyped signs because they often really are signs of an affair. If these are coming up in your relationship, you may want to start asking questions about why.
- 10. Your partner is avoiding you. You don't see each other as much as you used to. You don't have intense conversations anymore because he has to check his email or run errands every time that you start to talk about anything real. He leaves before you get up in the morning or comes home after you're in bed. If your partner is avoiding you then there is probably a reason and the reason might be an affair.
The thing about all of these signs is that they may not be signs of an affair after all. Your gut instinct could be caused by nothing more than jealousy and fear. The constant workouts with the new gym buddy may be nothing more than a desire to do something different for awhile. In the end, you're still going to have to ask your spouse for the truth if you want to know for sure whether or not he is cheating on you. But looking for these ten signs can help you decide whether or not your fears are even justified.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.