Should You Date Someone Who's Married?
Sometimes, we fall for married people without knowing that they are already married. That is very sad because we only get to realize that we loved the wrong person when we have already fallen too deep. Now, decent people will try hard to distance themselves from the person no matter how difficult it is because that is the right thing to do.
On the other hand, there are those people who would still cling to the married person believing that someday, somehow, their love will find a way. These type of people clearly know that they are in the wrong and they know they will (at some point) be the cause of a family's destruction but, they do it anyway because they believe that they have the right to love and be loved. In my opinion, this kind of mentality is not right. It can be admirable, yes, but it is not right. why? There are 10 reasons I can give you why it is not right to continue living like a paramour.
1. People Will Judge You
Those who get involve with married people will find themselves in a situation where they are constantly judged and booed by the people around them. The people don't know the real situation, yes. But the point is, when you become someone's lover, you become a "home-wrecker" in other people's eyes. People will always root for the wife or the husband and never for a mistress and you can never change it. That is the fact of life and you just have to deal with it. You chose to be a mistress so you need to accept that people will judge you no matter what. If you go out and buy some clothes, people will have something to say about you. Worse, the humiliation of it all once the wife or the husband learns about your existence and confronts you in front of the people...that is something you constantly need to get ready for.
2. They Can Never Be Yours
As a lover, you will never feel that you belonged to each other. There will always be this nagging feeling inside that tells you this person is not here to stay. He can never be yours. You just don't have the right to claim him because he is not yours in the first place. Of course, we cannot own a person because we are all equal and free but when a couple is married, they can at least claim to themselves that they belong together and that they are made for each other. As a lover, you can never feel that way towards the person. You can never demand for him to stay every night even if he wants to. He will always go home where he belongs - to his wife and family.
3. You Will Always Have to Hide
If you are involved with a married person, you have to live your life in secret especially in matters concerning the relationship. You will never have the pleasure of meeting his friends and family. He can never show you off to the world. You cannot go out holding hands and being sweet. When you have to date, you need to go to places where you both do not know anyone (which is not bad, really) but the truth is, your relationship should remain a secret otherwise that will be the end of you and that is very exhausting. We all want to be loved in a way that we can be proud of. We all want to love carelessly and openly and as a lover, that is something you can't do. The moment you let your relationship out in the open will be the moment you will lose each other and that is something you cannot risk if you want to keep the illicit relationship.
4. You'll Never Have a Future Together
Say goodbye to a bright future ahead of you when you get involved with a married person. The person may support you financially and give you a place to live but a future of you two being together all the time and being happy and free is not going to happen as long as the other person remains married. The time that you spend together will always be limited no matter how you love each other. Even if the person says he or she loves you, you can never be certain because you know in your heart that he or she will still leave you and go back to the family. You cannot marry an already married person. Unless they will get divorce but even then, there can still be legal implications against you.
5. The Law Is Against You
In case you have no idea about legal implications of getting involved with a married person, let me tell you this, "the law will not protect you" under normal circumstances. There is a law against concubinage or adultery and whichever is applicable to you can get you in prison together with your partner. So you really need to think really hard before you jump into this kind of relationship. Not only are you destroying a family but you are also destroying your own life in the process. There will be a lot of consequences for your actions; the kids of the married couple will be gravely affected by the break-up or by the scandal, the legal wife or husband will be devastated and the entire family will crumble. Even if the issue involves the other spouse, the fingers will all be pointing at you. You will certainly look like the villain...
6. You Are Dispensable
Being a lover means you are dispensable anytime. If the person realizes that his/her family is more important than you, you can be easily removed from their life. It will be easy to stop seeing you when they decide to stay faithful. In the end, they will always choose their legal spouse over you. As painful as it is, you just have to accept it. You should have told yourself that no matter how much love you invest in the illicit relationship, sooner or later, you will still go back to your empty bed...alone and broken. Similarly, the person can easily replace you with another. If the person gets tired of you and chooses to have another mistress, then he can easily replace you. There is nothing certain about illicit relationships.
7. You Can't Really Trust Them
If he can cheat on his wife who he chose to spend his entire life with, what makes you think he will be faithful to you when you are just a mistress? Even if the marriage will be over and even if he chooses you over his wife, there is no guarantee that he will remain faithful to you. He cheated once, he can do it again and you should not be surprised because you are somehow the reason of his unfaithfulness in the first place. He may treat you differently but it doesn't mean you will be special for him because there is nothing special when you are hidden in a relationship.
8. Your Child Will Be Illegitimate
Now, this is going to be very complicated for the woman committing the adultery because if she gets pregnant with another man's child, there will be grave consequences not only for her but also to the entire family. Now, if the mistress becomes pregnant, the family of the man might not know anything about it but once the child is born, it is considered illegitimate. It cannot be registered easily under the name of the father if the father is married to someone else. Not only that, the entire illicit relationship will become more complicated once a child is involved. In some cases, the kid will likely grow up not knowing who the real biological father is. Even if the child learns about the father, it is possible that the kid will grow to resent his father because of the situation they are in.
9. It Causes Pain and Destruction
Illicit relationships are always more painful that it is satisfying. It is difficult to maintain. There are no certainties. There are a lot of risks involved. The consequences are grave. And it destroys all the people involved. There are more disadvantages than benefits in an illicit relationship. If you are not mentally and emotionally prepared, you cannot survive in a relationship like this. Most people who get involved in illicit relationships are broken inside and otherwise cold, distant and money-driven. Some of them don't care if they wreck a home. They will try to cling to the married person as long as they can get something from it. A morally upright person will never stay in an illicit relationship. A person who values family will not get involved in a married person no matter what.
10. It's Better to Love Openly and Freely
The best reason of all? It is always better to love and be loved without fear and uncertainties. It is always satisfying to show your partner to your family and friends where he or she can feel accepted and loved. There is nothing better than planning your future together and ending up exchanging vows at the altar in front of all the people you both loved. Why risk everything in an illicit relationship when you can find a person not married yet who can love you the way you want to be loved? Why insist yourself in a married person's life when you can be someone else's priority? Why stick to being a mistress or a lover when you can find someone who will be willing to marry you?
Questions & Answers
Question: Why do mistresses call and confront the wife?
Answer: I don't think it is common that mistresses have contact with the family of the man they are cheating with. Not a lot of mistresses actually dare to show their face to the wife, because that will always end up horribly (for both of them). Maybe some mistresses do call and confront the wife if they feel like the man is no longer happy, and that the wife is the cause of his misery.
Question: What if someone thinks I cheated on her but I didn't and now she can't trust me and also after 3 months she found a new guy?
Answer: If you did not cheat on her, then you have to prove that it's true. If your ex really believed in you, she should have given you a chance to explain and prove that you were not cheating. At least try to explain your side to her and show her your sincerity. She may listen, if not, then let her go and move on.
Question: Why is it all he’s and not she’s when talking about getting involved with a married person?
Answer: "He" is usually used to generalize all men, regardless of gender. If we to consider the reading flow, it is not good to always put he/she whenever applicable. It can be really annoying for readers that is why I used "he" but it does not mean that I only refer to men (male gender).
© 2017 Jennifer Gonzales