What Makes a Woman Good in Bed?
"Too much of a good thing is wonderful" - Mae West
Recently I was asked what makes a woman good in bed. Like most things in the area of attraction and pleasure the answer will vary from man to man. Whenever I’ve read articles dealing with (what makes a man) good in bed they normally start off with how he touches the woman, being gentle, kissing, foreplay, and his ability to hold back until she is ready to climax. Certainly all of the above are important however I believe it’s possible for two men to touch a woman, kiss, and fondle her in the exact same ways and yet she will have a different reaction to each. The reason for the difference is sex is said to be 75-80% mental.
How a person feels about someone, the chemistry they have with them, and the physical attraction all come into play. This is especially true for couples in serious relationships.
None the less there are instances where one can have mind blowing sex with someone they just met. Sometimes it can be attributed to pure animal magnetism and other times it simply comes down to the mood the woman is in or possibly it’s been so long since she had sex that the slightest touch would lead her to explode.
When it comes to men however there are slightly different things that place one woman above another woman.Please keep in mind there is no one answer and men vary just as much as women. Therefore the following will be in “generally speaking” terms and mixed with my opinion. I don’t profess to speak for all men!
What makes a woman good in bed???
She Loves Sex….
Anyone who loves what they are doing is usually good at it!
They are always keeping an eye out for new and different ways to rock their mate’s world as well as enhance their own experience. This may entail reading books such as “Tickle His Pickle", watching adult films to steal techniques, or simply having discussions with close girlfriends to get tips. Simply put, they want to be the best and take pride in being skillful.
She Is Proactive With Regard To Reaching Her Own Orgasm….
The number one thing that makes a woman memorable to a man is his knowing he blew her mind in bed. I’m not talking about embracing the art of faking orgasms.
Essentially this goes back to her loving sex.
It’s difficult to love something without getting enjoyment out of it.
A woman who has explored her own body and knows how to bring herself to climax can pretty much guide any man that is not “naturally instinctive” in the ways of pleasing her.
“You can’t teach what you don’t know!”
A sexually proactive woman doesn’t simply lay back and leave things up to chance.
She will shift her body, get on top, and even manually stimulate herself during intercourse if the position they are in allows for it.This woman knows her man is going to keep thrusting until he climaxes and she is willing to do her part to make sure that she climaxes as well.
His body is her tool and she knows just how to use it to get the results she wants.
Men are turned off by overly passive women who lay on their backs and expect them to “make magic happen”. Great sex is not for the timid.
There are many women who mistakenly believe that the reason a man stopped calling is because “He got what he wanted”. However in many instances it’s just the opposite. The sex was boring! Nobody wants boring or "vanilla sex"!
A proactive woman takes matters in her own hands or mouth to get the ball rolling if necessary.
The number one complaint most men have regarding bad sex with women is they didn’t move coupled with an overall lack of passion and silence. (Queue the cricket soundtrack).
She Is Vocal…..
Sex in silence is a real buzz kill!
The only exception is if you’re being quiet to keep from being discovered. In this case it can be intensifying as you force yourselves to hold back your noises.
However for the most part sex without any moans, rapid breathing, screams of passion, body clutching tension, or naughty/four letter words of expression can seem like taking a walk around the block. Even if you’re not a moaner or screamer words of encouragement can enhance a session. “That’s it!”, “Keep it right there”, “Don’t Stop!” “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
Hell, most guys would settle for having a woman pound the mattress, squeeze a pillow, or mumble inaudible sounds while turning her head from side to side.
Once again I caution you, this is not about acting or faking orgasms.
It’s about being vocally expressive when things do feel good.
She Flirts and Uses Sexual Innuendo……
Men love to feel desired too!
A woman who expresses she has sex on her mind during the course of the day is a real turn on. This can be done with a naughty voicemail or email indicating what she wants to do with him or reflecting back on something they have done the night before or at a prior time.
Some women give their partner’s penis a pet name which can be used in code during a conversation along with a pet name for her vagina. It can be as spicy as you want it to be or as tame as “Tell Johnny Tammy says hello”….or whatever.
The point is she lets her man know she is thinking of him in sexual terms and he is desired.
A man in love will work hard to continue getting that type of response from his woman.
She Surprises Him……
A woman who has a knack for doing the unexpected from time to time will easily separate herself from other women in most men’s lives.
Naturally it helps to know how open minded her man is.
This could range from wearing something sexy or nothing at all when he gets home to bringing toys, chocolate syrup, crushed ice, heat sensation lotions/jells, and adult board games to bed. Jumping in the shower to play in the suds or giving him unexpected oral pleasure while he’s watching television or doing some mundane task.
Booking a room at an adult/ romance themed hotel similar to The Sybaris or Essence Suites can make for quite a memorable time.
Practice Makes Perfect…..
Whether you are a woman or man the only way to become good or great at anything is to have the intention of being so. In the long run no one is great at anything by accident.
It all starts with having the desire and the willingness to put in the effort.
Naturally with each new relationship one becomes involved in the first few sessions will entail going through your standard “go to moves” based upon your past experiences.
No two people are the same.
However in a long term relationship or marriage one is presented with an opportunity to refine their skills to their specific mate. Given time you can learn what every sigh or body movement means guiding you towards your next move of deciding whether to tease or to please. Communicating desires and fantasies outside of the bedroom is just as important as giving queues inside the bedroom.
“Monogamy becomes boring when couples become lazy”.
Law of Reciprocity…..
You will know you have found your sexual soul-mate when they demonstrate the need to please you as much as you make the effort to please them.
The Way We Were…
It’s extremely difficult to let go of a “great sex partner” even if you know they are not right for you in many other ways.
Most of us have experienced at one time or another being involved with someone who was absolutely incredible in bed but we had sense enough to move on for various other reasons.
Unfortunately the memories of being with them linger in our minds and haunt us from time to time.
For whatever reason you may not end up in a “happily ever after fairytale” with the person you are presently seeing, but you can live on forever in their minds.
A great lover is impossible to forget.
“To Live In Hearts We Leave Behind Is Not To Die” – Thomas Campbell
One Man’s Opinion!
Lust & Passion Always!
Comments
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Deborah, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment.
It sounds like whomever your lover is that's one LUCKY person! :)
Namaste
This is a great article! And, as a woman who loves sex, I can happily say that I put a check in every box...
Namaste
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chumba, Thanks for stopping by and posting a comment.
Much appreciated!
great hub n intriguing too
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freecampingaussie, Congratulations on having a loving and passionate marriage! No doubt there are many people who would be envious!:)
Thanks for stopping by to post a comment!
Hi, Keep seeing alerts about comments on this page so thought I would drop in again! As a female of 50 married to a 68 yr old who I have an amazing time with in bed and out I find this interesting. We enjoy lovemaking most mornings and I believe there is more happiness in giving + receiving is awesome !
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ladyguitarpicker, Thanks for your comment.
I completely agree with you. Finding the "right person" is the real hard "work" required to have a successful relationship.
Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
The goal is to (choose) wisely!
Most people these days believe the "work" begins after you've chosen someone. I tend to feel if it's "hard work" being with someone it means you chose the "wrong person" to be with! :)
Two people who share the same values, want the same things for the relationship, and agree on how to obtain those things while having a mutual depth of love and desire for one another shouldn't have a lot of "hard work".
Good article on how to improve your relationship. Sex is great with the right person. The hard part is finding the right person, loving,caring, giving, and a great lover all in the one person.
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peachpurple; I'm sure that would make most husbands happy!:)
Hubby loves when i perform exactly like a vixen
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Sounds like you should write the bookend hub for this one.
"What Makes a Man Good in Bed?"
Unfortunately according to statistics very few men would read it.
Over 75% of all relationship/dating advice articles and books are read or purchased by women.
Sadly, I suspect more men are interested in learning how to "pick up" attractive women than learning how to improve their relationships.
I voted this up, but I will tell you my take on what makes a woman good in bed..
How hard his penis is.. (and in all cases, size matters), and how long he can keep it up.
;)
Very entertaining!
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Annelle, I look forward to reading your hub on "What makes a man good in bed?" I'm sure it will have a high number of views!
This is my most viewed hub! :)
Thanks for the vote up!
p.s. Don't be surprised however if HP disables your ads on that hub. Google shies away posting ads on hubs that deal with sex.
Really interesting, informative, funny, polite yet straight forward writing. "What makes a man good in bed?" has been put on my to do list. Voted up and up! :)
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peachpurple, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and for posting your comment. Best wishes!
great tips and suggestions, my hubby says, new methods is the best
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Unfortunately there are no "laws". One can't "make themselves" be attracted to someone. It's possible to have two people kiss you or touch in the same exact way and yet you mentally and physically respond to them differently.
Chemistry and attraction are those "intangible qualities" that cause us to pursue a (romantic relationship) with one person while only desiring a "platonic friendship" with another person. It's either "there" or it's not.
dashingscorpio please give something about this chemistry of attraction? are there laws or it just happens out of the blue that one gets attracted to another? One this i know is that it begins from one person, the lady or the guy
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Being attractive helps a lot but one cannot overlook chemistry, one's libido, and desire to make the effort to satisfy.
A great lover is someone who does more than look good. :)
Being attractive means having the real love, then the sex part comes naturally.
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Kevin, you are correct. This is especially true if we're "in love" with someone.
quite interesting piece, the bottom line is we all want to be we the best.
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designergirl78, I agree with you that sexual compatibility plays a major role for couples to enjoy sex. This article however came about due to a woman asking a man "What makes a woman good in bed?"
Naturally any question such as this is answered from that individual's opinion. Everyone has an idea of what things (they) like, enjoy, or even dislike based upon their past experiences.
Most men want their women to be completely satisfied in bed. Maybe one of the female writers will post a hub stating; What makes a man good in bed. :)
Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment!
Very interesting article, and well written. However, I strongly believe the ability for a woman to be good with sex depends greatly on the man she is dong it with. If he is not pleasing her how can she show she is enthusiastic and that she likes sex while being vocal? She can't, unless she is faking it and that won't be pleasurable for either of them. My point is it takes two people to be great with sex. Both their actions are going to affect each others mood in the bedroom and both parties need to meet each other half way.
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freecampingaussie, Thanks for stopping by, voting up, and posting a comment! I'm not sure which ads they would use either. However I suspect there are some dating sites or books about (keeping the passion alive) that would have been suitable. One man's opinion! :)
I came by to have a read after seeing you mention it in the forum/questions ... As a female who enjoys making love/sex I enjoyed the read and will be voting it up ! It would have been interesting to see what adverts would have been on here if they had been allowed !
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Deborah, I agree that sexuality can be enhanced if we are emotionally connected to the person we are with. However there is also no denying that some people are really good at pleasing others in bed from a physical standpoint as well. Not all lovers are skilled or created equal.
It's not uncommon that the person one is "in love" with is NOT the best sex partner they have ever had. Nevertheless sex is only one component.
In fact some people state they could be just as happy without sex period.
I think the one thing in common with all is true intimacy, which consists of trust, warm closeness, and friendship. When we share intimacy with someone, sexuality feels like spirituality.
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C.V.Rajan, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. Your compliments are very much appreciated. :)
Powerful writing style with words of wisdom!
C.V
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LL Fugate, Yes, Even if they're not right for us in so many other ways!:)
tazzytamar - Thanks for your compliment and the vote up! :)
Yes, and it's sad in a way that such an important and significant physical act gets side-swiped so much. Great article :) voted up
"A great lover is impossible to forget." So very, very true!
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tazzytamar , Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment.
Sometimes couples in long-term relationships fall into a "routine" and forget how much fun and erotic sex can be if they're both willing put the effort into it and (make it a priority). Most people have 3 "To do" list.
1. Things I have to do. (If I don't I stand to lose something valuable)
2. Things I want to do. (These are things they enjoy most)
3. Things I need to do. (If I ever find the time....etc)
Generally speaking if it's not on the first two lists it may not ever get done.
Too often today people are in such a hurry to downplay the significance of sex in a loving relationship. If one is not careful it's easy to desexualize a relationship to the point where a husband and wife are more like roommates with the same last name! Once you lose "it" it's hard to get back.
It's easier to maintain a fire than it is to reignite a spark! :)
I second Elaine - Simon says is a great idea... And that's a way better way of playing it than the original ;)
I always think mood plays a big role in how phenomenal the sex is going to be with someone, so being able to read your partner is important; personally I prefer no sex to half-hearted sex... But I love and choose sex-a-plenty over both of those! xD
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You're welcome!
How you say something is always more important than what is said. :)
These are excellent suggestions! I absolutely love the "Simon Says" idea. It seems that you think things should be addressed when 'in the moment' as opposed to later. I like this and think that a guy would be more (or most) receptive to suggestions in the throes, if done correctly. Thanks!
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Elaine,
I've come to the conclusion that (if someone thinks you're worth the effort they'll make the effort). If a man doesn't care about the woman he will not care whether she is pleased in bed either.
One mistake a lot of women make is they behave as though having an orgasm is not that important for them. This makes it easy for a man to fall into a "lazy mode" when it comes to sex. He does what's needed to get him off.
By and large most men get an ego boost when they know they've blown their woman's mind. He wants to go to sleep (knowing) he rocked her world!
A lot of women know this which explains why so many of them fake orgasms. Unfortunately for them that approach backfires because it causes him to believe he's pleasing her when he really isn't.
Two ways you can approach this that can help if he really cares about you. The direct way is to tell him how much you love it when he.....etc And if he (added) ..... it would send you to the moon!
The other way is make it a "game" similar to "Simon says". Each person gets to instruct the other person to do whatever she/he wants done. (Naturally you'd have him follow your instructions first). Once a man sees the kind of reaction he gets from giving a woman what she wants he will want to make that happen over and over again! Light some candles, play some music, and make it an erotic experience.
Dear Dashing;
What is the absolute best way to tell a guide he's doing something the wrong way in bed? Let's say he doesn't take advice well outside of the bedroom so the fear is he'll react the same way inside the bedroom. I'd love to hear your advice :-)
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Danext , Life is the greatest teacher of them all! :-)
I've come to have a very analytical mind when I look back on my past relationships in this area. I actually included this article in my book.
My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany).
Thanks for stopping by to read and post a comment on my hub. Cheers!
Very interesting hub, you sure have compiled some useful tips in here. Read from start to finish, i completely agree with all you points in here. One question though.....is this all based on personal experience??...:)....just kidding.....NO I'M NOT Please tell me....cause if so, you must be...ahem.....anyway....voted up/interesting and useful....looking forward to read more interesting hubs like this from you dashingscorpio......great work..
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Tashaonthetown , Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment.
Cheers!
Very interesting info!
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lovedoctor926, Thanks for the vote up! :-)
I also appreciate you taking the time to post a comment.
Good tips and suggestions. voted up useful.
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Jade89, Checklist? You are too funny! lol
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to post a comment.
Voted up, Useful and Interesting! A really great read :)
Thanks tons!!!
Using your post as a checklist I think I'm on the right track ;) lol
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bingskee, I appreciate you reading my hub and taking the time to post a comment. Aside from finding a "compatible partner" our mental thoughts and beliefs dictate whether we enjoy ourselves or not. Of all places one should be the most relaxed in their own bed! :-)
very interesting hub. i have always thought that women are the only ones who consider that sex is a mental thing. :)
i agree very much about being 'vocal'. it doesn't help to be silent or suppress what you feel because you are ashamed of what you are doing and what you want done.
also, flirting, especially with sexual innuendos, fires the act. :D
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mcgreg28, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. I believe the more comfortable someone is in their skin the less they worry about coming off as silly in bed. It also helps if your partner encourages you to be expressive. :-)
Wow!! Great hub. Had my full attention from start to finish. I'm much shy when it comes to bedroom talk. The words usually stay in my head since im often afraid of sounding silly lol.
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peachpurple, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment! Yes, silence has a way of making people feel less connected or detached. :-)
SandCastles, Neither woman or man is a trained seal. This article is really about what separates one woman from (another) woman. Each of decides what it is we want to be good at or what we will do to please ourselves and our mates. Much of sex is self taught. Only you know what makes (you) feel good. Open communication with your partner helps you to learn what makes them feel good.
But also a woman isn't a trained seal. It takes two to tango.
awesome article, my friend. Yup, my man doesn't like it when I become "silent" on bed. He prefers the "You know what" sounds. Got him into the mood. Voted up
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VivaLaVina, Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Wonderful... just wonderful! This hub makes me smile.
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DDE, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment as well as for the vote up too! :-)
Interesting and true thanks for this Hub voted up!
Thanks again for your comments dashingscorpio. That's interesting. So that's the norm these days. I think for some women, there has to be an emotional bond so they can trust the person or it could turn into a Robert De Niro Cape Fear situation.
You're right, there has to be a balance and not power trips. I think people either fit or they don't and you can't make them fit.
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creative hand, Thanks for the great comment!
SandCastles, In this day and age most people have sex (before) they commit to one another. In fact for a lot of these people "sexual incompatibility" will keep the relationship from moving towards commitment. Apparently they don't want to become "emotionally invested" in someone only to find out afterwards they are not sexually in sync or there is not a good "fit" for them physically. Each of is entitled to have our own set of "deal breakers".
I've learned over the years that there is no "right" or "wrong" in relationships per se. There is only "agree" and "disagree". Ultimately we are all looking for someone that shares our same values and (naturally agrees) with us on the major things in life.
Thanks again for your comments!
I see your point dashingscorpio.
But sometimes couples get so carried away trying to spice up their sex life that they forget to just have fun. There are going to be highs and lows; that's normal and it isn't a good idea to just run out and buy some spice. It could hurt the relationship.
Passion changes; how about just having fun and adding some humour into the mix. I think people take sex too seriously.
Note: I do think sex should be between two committed people only or there is no intimacy and it is not special.
great hub
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SandCastles, Thanks so much for taking the time to read and post your comment to my hub. However it appears there is a large market for books and workshops for couples who are "in love" and remain unhappy with their sex life. Sometimes two people come together with lower or higher sex drives than their mate. It's possible one person is more sexually adventurous while their mate content with a missionary. It's also possible to love someone and yet not have the same "priority list" when it comes what is important in the relationship/marriage.
I do however believe if you are "in love" with someone you do (look for ways) to make your partner happy and vice versa. Never the less there are many couples (in love) which struggle in finding ways to keep passion alive. Love serves as a motivation for us to want to improve things in our relationships.
It's a good article with good suggestions-the woman being assertive in bed and not acting sex is a chore.
But the most important thing is love because if you love them, you'll love sex with them.
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jantamaya, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and voting it up! :-)
"She Loves Sex…." I love this hub! :-) :-)
Voted up! Thanks for writing it!
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Jellygator, Thanks for taking the time to read my hub. Feel free to share your wisdom/links on any of my hubs which tie into the same subject matter. My goal is to promote (awareness and self-empowerement) in relationships. This is why I wrote my book; "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany). I wanted to remind people they have options! None of us are stuck!
Happy to have a link to this page on my own. Thanks for placing it. :)
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msorensson, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment!
Great article
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SanXuary, Thanks for your comment. I don't think it's a matter of the world being "bad". It's human nature to want to be good at most things we do. This is especially true when it comes to pleasing those we love. You are correct that sex is only one part of a relationship and there can be numerous reason why a relationship falls apart. The main key is to find someone who wants what you want and shares your same values. If one can do that the rest of it is about staying connected emotionally and physically. "It's easier to maintain a fire than it is to reignite a spark."
Is the World really this bad in bed or just over infatuated with the whole idea. No matter how good it is people always fall apart for other reasons.
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Amen wonderful1! Thanks for your comment.
Couldn't agree more. If you want to make love to a woman, start with her mind, it is the most powerful sexual tool ever.
Thanks.
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naturalsolutions, Thanks for your comment.
I would think anyone in love would want to strive to be (the best lover) they can be to their mate. This is especially true if one is married and has decided their spouse will be their last lover. Save your best for last!
Yes I probably believe that sex is 75% - 80% mental. Being good to the bed is important, this is one of the most wonderful thing a couple can do to make their relation stronger. Perfect hub;)
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TH, I agree with you. Various locations will spice up things. Both people have to be "creative" to avoid falling into a rut. Thanks again for your comment.
i also meant she has to be in bed, the couch, backseat a closet off the main dining room area, a secluded place under the stands on the back porch, in the pool or anywhere I guess....
TH
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tom hellert, Thanks for your comment.
Knowing where to go is so important! :-)
dash,
we have all fogot location location location..ha
TH
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ajayshah2005, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and leaving such a wonderful comment.
Great hub.Excellent words.
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mickaa2001, Thanks for your comment!
I suppose one would have to be really comfortable with someone to let them watch. By the same token there are some people that might have their feelings hurt or feel insecure because toys were being used. You really have to know your partner.
great hub. i agree with all u wrote. im pretty open to most of it. I love my toys i just feel uncomfortable playing with them while being watched. strange i know but open to every thing else
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Pamela N Red, I think you make a valid point! One really has to be in tune with their partner. Of coure if someone wants to be "great" at anything they have to be open to being an "enthusiastic student". :-)
Great article and very informative.
To be a good sex partner, whether male or female you have to be a loving, giving partner that pays attention to feedback. If you look for reactions and are open to doing what makes them feel good you will succeed.
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SpiffyD, Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment.
In order to be great at anything a person has to want to be great and willing to make the effort. Of course the most important key in my opinion is one has to really enjoy what they are doing! :-) Thanks again for the comment.
I liked the points about being proactive, enjoying the moment and not being silent. Certain persons have hangups about sex and those are common problems that arise from such psychological issues with it. The women who are better are more comfortable with their sexuality. Good hub Scorpio.
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Braid Hair, I think if you and your lover vocally express how you're enjoying things it will only make it that much better. (no need for secrets) lol!
swiettie,Glad to hear you married someone you can't enough of!
:-)
The open secret is that neither man know how the women feels nor the women knows how the man feels while enjoying...
i love doing sexes with my husband
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ExoticHippieQueen, You read my mind! :-)
Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. I just saw your profile. I'm in the NW Suburbs of the "Windy City". Wouldn't it be ironic if you wrote the woman's perspective! Now that's a real "Taste of Chicago!" lol!
That was great! Now we need to hear the other side of the story..............the woman's perspective. You can't write that, lol!
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Eve, Thanks for your comment!
I know exactly what you mean with regard to having your thoughts validated through another's voice. It happens to me all the time! :-) Thanks for stopping by!
EXCELLENT article! It was like seeing in print what my mind has been thinking.
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Patience Morris, Thanks for your comment and words of encouragement!!!
This was well written, Great article very useful, in many ways. I certainly enjoyed reading every line, good work. Keep it up :)
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veronamex, Thanks for stopping by to read and post a comment on my hub. I hope the rest of my hubs don't disappoint you!:-)
Great hub! Definitely want more. Will be reading more of your writing. Thanks!
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crystolite, Thanks for your wonderful comment!
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