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What Makes a Woman Good in Bed?

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful" - Mae West

Recently I was asked what makes a woman good in bed. Like most things in the area of attraction and pleasure the answer will vary from man to man. Whenever I’ve read articles dealing with (what makes a man) good in bed they normally start off with how he touches the woman, being gentle, kissing, foreplay, and his ability to hold back until she is ready to climax. Certainly all of the above are important however I believe it’s possible for two men to touch a woman, kiss, and fondle her in the exact same ways and yet she will have a different reaction to each. The reason for the difference is sex is said to be 75-80% mental.

How a person feels about someone, the chemistry they have with them, and the physical attraction all come into play. This is especially true for couples in serious relationships.

None the less there are instances where one can have mind blowing sex with someone they just met. Sometimes it can be attributed to pure animal magnetism and other times it simply comes down to the mood the woman is in or possibly it’s been so long since she had sex that the slightest touch would lead her to explode.

When it comes to men however there are slightly different things that place one woman above another woman.Please keep in mind there is no one answer and men vary just as much as women. Therefore the following will be in “generally speaking” terms and mixed with my opinion. I don’t profess to speak for all men!

What makes a woman good in bed???

She Loves Sex….

Anyone who loves what they are doing is usually good at it!

They are always keeping an eye out for new and different ways to rock their mate’s world as well as enhance their own experience. This may entail reading books such as “Tickle His Pickle", watching adult films to steal techniques, or simply having discussions with close girlfriends to get tips. Simply put, they want to be the best and take pride in being skillful.

She Is Proactive With Regard To Reaching Her Own Orgasm….

The number one thing that makes a woman memorable to a man is his knowing he blew her mind in bed. I’m not talking about embracing the art of faking orgasms.

Essentially this goes back to her loving sex.

It’s difficult to love something without getting enjoyment out of it.

A woman who has explored her own body and knows how to bring herself to climax can pretty much guide any man that is not “naturally instinctive” in the ways of pleasing her.

“You can’t teach what you don’t know!”

A sexually proactive woman doesn’t simply lay back and leave things up to chance.

She will shift her body, get on top, and even manually stimulate herself during intercourse if the position they are in allows for it.This woman knows her man is going to keep thrusting until he climaxes and she is willing to do her part to make sure that she climaxes as well.

His body is her tool and she knows just how to use it to get the results she wants.

Men are turned off by overly passive women who lay on their backs and expect them to “make magic happen”. Great sex is not for the timid.

There are many women who mistakenly believe that the reason a man stopped calling is because “He got what he wanted”. However in many instances it’s just the opposite. The sex was boring! Nobody wants boring or "vanilla sex"!

A proactive woman takes matters in her own hands or mouth to get the ball rolling if necessary.

The number one complaint most men have regarding bad sex with women is they didn’t move coupled with an overall lack of passion and silence. (Queue the cricket soundtrack).

She Is Vocal…..

Sex in silence is a real buzz kill!

The only exception is if you’re being quiet to keep from being discovered. In this case it can be intensifying as you force yourselves to hold back your noises.

However for the most part sex without any moans, rapid breathing, screams of passion, body clutching tension, or naughty/four letter words of expression can seem like taking a walk around the block. Even if you’re not a moaner or screamer words of encouragement can enhance a session. “That’s it!”, “Keep it right there”, “Don’t Stop!” “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Hell, most guys would settle for having a woman pound the mattress, squeeze a pillow, or mumble inaudible sounds while turning her head from side to side.

Once again I caution you, this is not about acting or faking orgasms.

It’s about being vocally expressive when things do feel good.

She Flirts and Uses Sexual Innuendo……

Men love to feel desired too!

A woman who expresses she has sex on her mind during the course of the day is a real turn on. This can be done with a naughty voicemail or email indicating what she wants to do with him or reflecting back on something they have done the night before or at a prior time.

Some women give their partner’s penis a pet name which can be used in code during a conversation along with a pet name for her vagina. It can be as spicy as you want it to be or as tame as “Tell Johnny Tammy says hello”….or whatever.

The point is she lets her man know she is thinking of him in sexual terms and he is desired.

A man in love will work hard to continue getting that type of response from his woman.

She Surprises Him……

A woman who has a knack for doing the unexpected from time to time will easily separate herself from other women in most men’s lives.

Naturally it helps to know how open minded her man is.

This could range from wearing something sexy or nothing at all when he gets home to bringing toys, chocolate syrup, crushed ice, heat sensation lotions/jells, and adult board games to bed. Jumping in the shower to play in the suds or giving him unexpected oral pleasure while he’s watching television or doing some mundane task.

Booking a room at an adult/ romance themed hotel similar to The Sybaris or Essence Suites can make for quite a memorable time.

Practice Makes Perfect…..

Whether you are a woman or man the only way to become good or great at anything is to have the intention of being so. In the long run no one is great at anything by accident.

It all starts with having the desire and the willingness to put in the effort.

Naturally with each new relationship one becomes involved in the first few sessions will entail going through your standard “go to moves” based upon your past experiences.

No two people are the same.

However in a long term relationship or marriage one is presented with an opportunity to refine their skills to their specific mate. Given time you can learn what every sigh or body movement means guiding you towards your next move of deciding whether to tease or to please. Communicating desires and fantasies outside of the bedroom is just as important as giving queues inside the bedroom.

“Monogamy becomes boring when couples become lazy”.

Law of Reciprocity…..

You will know you have found your sexual soul-mate when they demonstrate the need to please you as much as you make the effort to please them.

The Way We Were…

It’s extremely difficult to let go of a “great sex partner” even if you know they are not right for you in many other ways.

Most of us have experienced at one time or another being involved with someone who was absolutely incredible in bed but we had sense enough to move on for various other reasons.

Unfortunately the memories of being with them linger in our minds and haunt us from time to time.

For whatever reason you may not end up in a “happily ever after fairytale” with the person you are presently seeing, but you can live on forever in their minds.

A great lover is impossible to forget.

“To Live In Hearts We Leave Behind Is Not To Die”Thomas Campbell

One Man’s Opinion!

Comments 124 comments

dawnM profile image

dawnM 6 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

great article! we shall see if it stays posted....lol true about the part about a woman knowing her own body and then teaching a man about it, she needs to let him know what turns her on and turns her off!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 6 years ago Author

dawnM thanks for stopping by and leaving your much appreciated comment. I'll keep you posted! LOL!


Neil Sperling profile image

Neil Sperling 6 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

as long as she does NOT snore - all good to me!


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

Great hub - I am sold on your ideas and style of writing.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Thanks acaetnna for taking the time to read my hub and leaving a wonderful comment.


Ashantina profile image

Ashantina 5 years ago

I think the above also applies to a man being good in bed... Interesting read!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Ashantina, You are probably right but a woman will have to write that hub!:-)

Thanks for the comment and fan mail!


Rastamermaid profile image

Rastamermaid 5 years ago from Universe

Awesome hub!

Very interesting.

Respect


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Rastamermaid, Thanks for your comment!


jorja kick profile image

jorja kick 5 years ago from southeast georgia

another wonderful article and we women that are as you suggest would never think of cheating ourselves(at least I won't!) by faking, are ya kidding me I want to get where I need to go if he thinks he is doing wonderful I miss out..Oh no..

this is a greaat article with great advice!!

jorja


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

jorja kick, Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my hub. It really does take two to make the "magic" happen consistantly. :-)


Vishaaa profile image

Vishaaa 5 years ago from Somewhere on this earth..

Loved it.Voted up.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Thanks Vishaaa for voting my hub up!:-)


brennawelker profile image

brennawelker 5 years ago

Great hub!I'm looking forward for your cool articles like this, dashingscorpio.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Hi brennawelker, Thanks for your comment. Hopefully my other hubs won't disappoint you! :-)


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

A great read written in a a confident way about something very important in every relationship between consenting couples. Thank you.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Spirit Whisperer, Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my hub. I agree with you. Physical intimacy is very important in every relationship.


joii75 profile image

joii75 5 years ago from New York

Great list, when I first saw the title I was a bit nervous to read the article, some men can be so crass when it comes to discussing what they think makes a woman good in bed but yours was both respectful and on point. Good stuff!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

joii75, Thanks for your wonderful comment.

I strive to make "self empowerment" the underlying theme for the vast majority of my hubs. Nothing is worse than seeing a person underestimate the power they have within to change their life. We always have a choice!

"When we change our circumstances change"


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

dash,

i read the title had to check it out- was hopin for more

pictures- Ha good advice remember "Man can be a bird as much as a camel can fit through the eye of a needle". Meaning, a man can only do what a man can do-without help and like you said thats where the gal comes in to save the day... if the relationship is worth it if not- cut them loose like an undersized fish-...

lets see can i squeeze anymore metaphors here.. naw i'm good

th


KateWest profile image

KateWest 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Yeah, there are trust issues always. Sometimes it's easier with a stranger when you have less at stake.


KateWest profile image

KateWest 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Uh-oh now I'm worried about why it's better with someone I don't care about. Sigh.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

tom hellert and KateWest, Thanks for your comments.

Kate, I think for some people sex is more exciting with a new person or stranger much like being given a present. You rip off the wrapping paper in anticipation of enjoying your surprise. Actually it's quite common for people to be more excited with "new things" or being taken with doing something "impulsive". Sex with a "stranger" is also most likely to be driven by either strong "chemistry/physical attraction" or as I mention in the hub a person is really in the "mood/horny". On the other hand sex with someone you are involved with or building a relationship with usually comes with more "mental" activity. You wonder more about what the other person is thinking and what is going to happen with the relationship going forward. It's going to take more effort to keep things fresh over the years because "new" is only new for a certain amount of time. Awhile back I wrote the following hub. http://hubpages.com/relationships/relationshipsdow... "Relationships: Do we save our best for the beginning?"

I go into more detail about how we treat "new people", "new things" and "new situations" compared to how we behave when things are familiar. Once again thanks for stopping by!


crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

Awesome hub which really hit the nail at the head.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

crystolite, Thanks for your wonderful comment!


veronamex profile image

veronamex 5 years ago from Montreal, QC

Great hub! Definitely want more. Will be reading more of your writing. Thanks!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

veronamex, Thanks for stopping by to read and post a comment on my hub. I hope the rest of my hubs don't disappoint you!:-)


Patience Morris profile image

Patience Morris 5 years ago from Maryland

This was well written, Great article very useful, in many ways. I certainly enjoyed reading every line, good work. Keep it up :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Patience Morris, Thanks for your comment and words of encouragement!!!


Eve 5 years ago

EXCELLENT article! It was like seeing in print what my mind has been thinking.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Eve, Thanks for your comment!

I know exactly what you mean with regard to having your thoughts validated through another's voice. It happens to me all the time! :-) Thanks for stopping by!


ExoticHippieQueen 5 years ago

That was great! Now we need to hear the other side of the story..............the woman's perspective. You can't write that, lol!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

ExoticHippieQueen, You read my mind! :-)

Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. I just saw your profile. I'm in the NW Suburbs of the "Windy City". Wouldn't it be ironic if you wrote the woman's perspective! Now that's a real "Taste of Chicago!" lol!


swiettie 5 years ago

i love doing sexes with my husband


Braid Hair 5 years ago

The open secret is that neither man know how the women feels nor the women knows how the man feels while enjoying...


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Braid Hair, I think if you and your lover vocally express how you're enjoying things it will only make it that much better. (no need for secrets) lol!

swiettie,Glad to hear you married someone you can't enough of!

:-)


SpiffyD profile image

SpiffyD 5 years ago from The Caribbean

I liked the points about being proactive, enjoying the moment and not being silent. Certain persons have hangups about sex and those are common problems that arise from such psychological issues with it. The women who are better are more comfortable with their sexuality. Good hub Scorpio.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

SpiffyD, Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment.

In order to be great at anything a person has to want to be great and willing to make the effort. Of course the most important key in my opinion is one has to really enjoy what they are doing! :-) Thanks again for the comment.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

Great article and very informative.

To be a good sex partner, whether male or female you have to be a loving, giving partner that pays attention to feedback. If you look for reactions and are open to doing what makes them feel good you will succeed.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Pamela N Red, I think you make a valid point! One really has to be in tune with their partner. Of coure if someone wants to be "great" at anything they have to be open to being an "enthusiastic student". :-)


mickaa2001 profile image

mickaa2001 5 years ago from currently milton fl

great hub. i agree with all u wrote. im pretty open to most of it. I love my toys i just feel uncomfortable playing with them while being watched. strange i know but open to every thing else


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

mickaa2001, Thanks for your comment!

I suppose one would have to be really comfortable with someone to let them watch. By the same token there are some people that might have their feelings hurt or feel insecure because toys were being used. You really have to know your partner.


ajayshah2005 profile image

ajayshah2005 5 years ago from Mid Asia

Great hub.Excellent words.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

ajayshah2005, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and leaving such a wonderful comment.


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

dash,

we have all fogot location location location..ha

TH


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

tom hellert, Thanks for your comment.

Knowing where to go is so important! :-)


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

i also meant she has to be in bed, the couch, backseat a closet off the main dining room area, a secluded place under the stands on the back porch, in the pool or anywhere I guess....

TH


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

TH, I agree with you. Various locations will spice up things. Both people have to be "creative" to avoid falling into a rut. Thanks again for your comment.


naturalsolutions 5 years ago

Yes I probably believe that sex is 75% - 80% mental. Being good to the bed is important, this is one of the most wonderful thing a couple can do to make their relation stronger. Perfect hub;)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

naturalsolutions, Thanks for your comment.

I would think anyone in love would want to strive to be (the best lover) they can be to their mate. This is especially true if one is married and has decided their spouse will be their last lover. Save your best for last!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 5 years ago from Southern California

Couldn't agree more. If you want to make love to a woman, start with her mind, it is the most powerful sexual tool ever.

Thanks.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Amen wonderful1! Thanks for your comment.


SanXuary 5 years ago

Is the World really this bad in bed or just over infatuated with the whole idea. No matter how good it is people always fall apart for other reasons.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

SanXuary, Thanks for your comment. I don't think it's a matter of the world being "bad". It's human nature to want to be good at most things we do. This is especially true when it comes to pleasing those we love. You are correct that sex is only one part of a relationship and there can be numerous reason why a relationship falls apart. The main key is to find someone who wants what you want and shares your same values. If one can do that the rest of it is about staying connected emotionally and physically. "It's easier to maintain a fire than it is to reignite a spark."


msorensson profile image

msorensson 4 years ago

Great article


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

msorensson, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment!


jellygator profile image

jellygator 4 years ago from USA

Happy to have a link to this page on my own. Thanks for placing it. :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Jellygator, Thanks for taking the time to read my hub. Feel free to share your wisdom/links on any of my hubs which tie into the same subject matter. My goal is to promote (awareness and self-empowerement) in relationships. This is why I wrote my book; "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany). I wanted to remind people they have options! None of us are stuck!


jantamaya profile image

jantamaya 4 years ago from UK

"She Loves Sex…." I love this hub! :-) :-)

Voted up! Thanks for writing it!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

jantamaya, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and voting it up! :-)


SandCastles 4 years ago

It's a good article with good suggestions-the woman being assertive in bed and not acting sex is a chore.

But the most important thing is love because if you love them, you'll love sex with them.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

SandCastles, Thanks so much for taking the time to read and post your comment to my hub. However it appears there is a large market for books and workshops for couples who are "in love" and remain unhappy with their sex life. Sometimes two people come together with lower or higher sex drives than their mate. It's possible one person is more sexually adventurous while their mate content with a missionary. It's also possible to love someone and yet not have the same "priority list" when it comes what is important in the relationship/marriage.

I do however believe if you are "in love" with someone you do (look for ways) to make your partner happy and vice versa. Never the less there are many couples (in love) which struggle in finding ways to keep passion alive. Love serves as a motivation for us to want to improve things in our relationships.


creative hand profile image

creative hand 4 years ago

great hub


SandCastles 4 years ago

I see your point dashingscorpio.

But sometimes couples get so carried away trying to spice up their sex life that they forget to just have fun. There are going to be highs and lows; that's normal and it isn't a good idea to just run out and buy some spice. It could hurt the relationship.

Passion changes; how about just having fun and adding some humour into the mix. I think people take sex too seriously.

Note: I do think sex should be between two committed people only or there is no intimacy and it is not special.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

creative hand, Thanks for the great comment!

SandCastles, In this day and age most people have sex (before) they commit to one another. In fact for a lot of these people "sexual incompatibility" will keep the relationship from moving towards commitment. Apparently they don't want to become "emotionally invested" in someone only to find out afterwards they are not sexually in sync or there is not a good "fit" for them physically. Each of is entitled to have our own set of "deal breakers".

I've learned over the years that there is no "right" or "wrong" in relationships per se. There is only "agree" and "disagree". Ultimately we are all looking for someone that shares our same values and (naturally agrees) with us on the major things in life.

Thanks again for your comments!


SandCastles 4 years ago

Thanks again for your comments dashingscorpio. That's interesting. So that's the norm these days. I think for some women, there has to be an emotional bond so they can trust the person or it could turn into a Robert De Niro Cape Fear situation.

You're right, there has to be a balance and not power trips. I think people either fit or they don't and you can't make them fit.


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Interesting and true thanks for this Hub voted up!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

DDE, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment as well as for the vote up too! :-)


VivaLaVina 3 years ago

Wonderful... just wonderful! This hub makes me smile.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

VivaLaVina, Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it!


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

awesome article, my friend. Yup, my man doesn't like it when I become "silent" on bed. He prefers the "You know what" sounds. Got him into the mood. Voted up


SandCastles 3 years ago

But also a woman isn't a trained seal. It takes two to tango.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

peachpurple, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment! Yes, silence has a way of making people feel less connected or detached. :-)

SandCastles, Neither woman or man is a trained seal. This article is really about what separates one woman from (another) woman. Each of decides what it is we want to be good at or what we will do to please ourselves and our mates. Much of sex is self taught. Only you know what makes (you) feel good. Open communication with your partner helps you to learn what makes them feel good.


mcgreg28 profile image

mcgreg28 3 years ago from Florida, USA

Wow!! Great hub. Had my full attention from start to finish. I'm much shy when it comes to bedroom talk. The words usually stay in my head since im often afraid of sounding silly lol.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

mcgreg28, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. I believe the more comfortable someone is in their skin the less they worry about coming off as silly in bed. It also helps if your partner encourages you to be expressive. :-)


bingskee profile image

bingskee 3 years ago from Quezon City, Philippines

very interesting hub. i have always thought that women are the only ones who consider that sex is a mental thing. :)

i agree very much about being 'vocal'. it doesn't help to be silent or suppress what you feel because you are ashamed of what you are doing and what you want done.

also, flirting, especially with sexual innuendos, fires the act. :D


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

bingskee, I appreciate you reading my hub and taking the time to post a comment. Aside from finding a "compatible partner" our mental thoughts and beliefs dictate whether we enjoy ourselves or not. Of all places one should be the most relaxed in their own bed! :-)


Jade89 profile image

Jade89 3 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

Voted up, Useful and Interesting! A really great read :)

Thanks tons!!!

Using your post as a checklist I think I'm on the right track ;) lol


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

Jade89, Checklist? You are too funny! lol

Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to post a comment.


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Good tips and suggestions. voted up useful.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

lovedoctor926, Thanks for the vote up! :-)

I also appreciate you taking the time to post a comment.


Tashaonthetown profile image

Tashaonthetown 3 years ago from South Africa

Very interesting info!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

Tashaonthetown , Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment.

Cheers!


Danext profile image

Danext 2 years ago from Tanzania

Very interesting hub, you sure have compiled some useful tips in here. Read from start to finish, i completely agree with all you points in here. One question though.....is this all based on personal experience??...:)....just kidding.....NO I'M NOT Please tell me....cause if so, you must be...ahem.....anyway....voted up/interesting and useful....looking forward to read more interesting hubs like this from you dashingscorpio......great work..


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Danext , Life is the greatest teacher of them all! :-)

I've come to have a very analytical mind when I look back on my past relationships in this area. I actually included this article in my book.

My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany).

Thanks for stopping by to read and post a comment on my hub. Cheers!


Elaine Flowers profile image

Elaine Flowers 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Dear Dashing;

What is the absolute best way to tell a guide he's doing something the wrong way in bed? Let's say he doesn't take advice well outside of the bedroom so the fear is he'll react the same way inside the bedroom. I'd love to hear your advice :-)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Elaine,

I've come to the conclusion that (if someone thinks you're worth the effort they'll make the effort). If a man doesn't care about the woman he will not care whether she is pleased in bed either.

One mistake a lot of women make is they behave as though having an orgasm is not that important for them. This makes it easy for a man to fall into a "lazy mode" when it comes to sex. He does what's needed to get him off.

By and large most men get an ego boost when they know they've blown their woman's mind. He wants to go to sleep (knowing) he rocked her world!

A lot of women know this which explains why so many of them fake orgasms. Unfortunately for them that approach backfires because it causes him to believe he's pleasing her when he really isn't.

Two ways you can approach this that can help if he really cares about you. The direct way is to tell him how much you love it when he.....etc And if he (added) ..... it would send you to the moon!

The other way is make it a "game" similar to "Simon says". Each person gets to instruct the other person to do whatever she/he wants done. (Naturally you'd have him follow your instructions first). Once a man sees the kind of reaction he gets from giving a woman what she wants he will want to make that happen over and over again! Light some candles, play some music, and make it an erotic experience.


Elaine Flowers profile image

Elaine Flowers 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

These are excellent suggestions! I absolutely love the "Simon Says" idea. It seems that you think things should be addressed when 'in the moment' as opposed to later. I like this and think that a guy would be more (or most) receptive to suggestions in the throes, if done correctly. Thanks!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

You're welcome!

How you say something is always more important than what is said. :)


tazzytamar profile image

tazzytamar 2 years ago from chichester

I second Elaine - Simon says is a great idea... And that's a way better way of playing it than the original ;)

I always think mood plays a big role in how phenomenal the sex is going to be with someone, so being able to read your partner is important; personally I prefer no sex to half-hearted sex... But I love and choose sex-a-plenty over both of those! xD


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

tazzytamar , Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment.

Sometimes couples in long-term relationships fall into a "routine" and forget how much fun and erotic sex can be if they're both willing put the effort into it and (make it a priority). Most people have 3 "To do" list.

1. Things I have to do. (If I don't I stand to lose something valuable)

2. Things I want to do. (These are things they enjoy most)

3. Things I need to do. (If I ever find the time....etc)

Generally speaking if it's not on the first two lists it may not ever get done.

Too often today people are in such a hurry to downplay the significance of sex in a loving relationship. If one is not careful it's easy to desexualize a relationship to the point where a husband and wife are more like roommates with the same last name! Once you lose "it" it's hard to get back.

It's easier to maintain a fire than it is to reignite a spark! :)


LL Fugate profile image

LL Fugate 2 years ago from Central Virginia

"A great lover is impossible to forget." So very, very true!


tazzytamar profile image

tazzytamar 2 years ago from chichester

Yes, and it's sad in a way that such an important and significant physical act gets side-swiped so much. Great article :) voted up


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

LL Fugate, Yes, Even if they're not right for us in so many other ways!:)

tazzytamar - Thanks for your compliment and the vote up! :)


C.V.Rajan profile image

C.V.Rajan 2 years ago from Kerala, India

Powerful writing style with words of wisdom!

C.V


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

C.V.Rajan, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. Your compliments are very much appreciated. :)


Deborah Sexton 2 years ago

I think the one thing in common with all is true intimacy, which consists of trust, warm closeness, and friendship. When we share intimacy with someone, sexuality feels like spirituality.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Deborah, I agree that sexuality can be enhanced if we are emotionally connected to the person we are with. However there is also no denying that some people are really good at pleasing others in bed from a physical standpoint as well. Not all lovers are skilled or created equal.

It's not uncommon that the person one is "in love" with is NOT the best sex partner they have ever had. Nevertheless sex is only one component.

In fact some people state they could be just as happy without sex period.


freecampingaussie profile image

freecampingaussie 2 years ago from Southern Spain

I came by to have a read after seeing you mention it in the forum/questions ... As a female who enjoys making love/sex I enjoyed the read and will be voting it up ! It would have been interesting to see what adverts would have been on here if they had been allowed !


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

freecampingaussie, Thanks for stopping by, voting up, and posting a comment! I'm not sure which ads they would use either. However I suspect there are some dating sites or books about (keeping the passion alive) that would have been suitable. One man's opinion! :)


designergirl78 profile image

designergirl78 2 years ago

Very interesting article, and well written. However, I strongly believe the ability for a woman to be good with sex depends greatly on the man she is dong it with. If he is not pleasing her how can she show she is enthusiastic and that she likes sex while being vocal? She can't, unless she is faking it and that won't be pleasurable for either of them. My point is it takes two people to be great with sex. Both their actions are going to affect each others mood in the bedroom and both parties need to meet each other half way.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

designergirl78, I agree with you that sexual compatibility plays a major role for couples to enjoy sex. This article however came about due to a woman asking a man "What makes a woman good in bed?"

Naturally any question such as this is answered from that individual's opinion. Everyone has an idea of what things (they) like, enjoy, or even dislike based upon their past experiences.

Most men want their women to be completely satisfied in bed. Maybe one of the female writers will post a hub stating; What makes a man good in bed. :)

Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment!


kevin adera profile image

kevin adera 23 months ago from Nairobi

quite interesting piece, the bottom line is we all want to be we the best.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 23 months ago Author

Kevin, you are correct. This is especially true if we're "in love" with someone.


alexandriaruthk profile image

alexandriaruthk 23 months ago from US

Being attractive means having the real love, then the sex part comes naturally.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 23 months ago Author

Being attractive helps a lot but one cannot overlook chemistry, one's libido, and desire to make the effort to satisfy.

A great lover is someone who does more than look good. :)


kevin 23 months ago

dashingscorpio please give something about this chemistry of attraction? are there laws or it just happens out of the blue that one gets attracted to another? One this i know is that it begins from one person, the lady or the guy


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 23 months ago Author

Unfortunately there are no "laws". One can't "make themselves" be attracted to someone. It's possible to have two people kiss you or touch in the same exact way and yet you mentally and physically respond to them differently.

Chemistry and attraction are those "intangible qualities" that cause us to pursue a (romantic relationship) with one person while only desiring a "platonic friendship" with another person. It's either "there" or it's not.


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 22 months ago from Home Sweet Home

great tips and suggestions, my hubby says, new methods is the best


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago Author

peachpurple, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and for posting your comment. Best wishes!


Annelle profile image

Annelle 21 months ago from Port Elizabeth, South Africa

Really interesting, informative, funny, polite yet straight forward writing. "What makes a man good in bed?" has been put on my to do list. Voted up and up! :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 21 months ago Author

Annelle, I look forward to reading your hub on "What makes a man good in bed?" I'm sure it will have a high number of views!

This is my most viewed hub! :)

Thanks for the vote up!

p.s. Don't be surprised however if HP disables your ads on that hub. Google shies away posting ads on hubs that deal with sex.


lyoness913 profile image

lyoness913 18 months ago from Overland Park, KS

I voted this up, but I will tell you my take on what makes a woman good in bed..

How hard his penis is.. (and in all cases, size matters), and how long he can keep it up.

;)

Very entertaining!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 18 months ago Author

Sounds like you should write the bookend hub for this one.

"What Makes a Man Good in Bed?"

Unfortunately according to statistics very few men would read it.

Over 75% of all relationship/dating advice articles and books are read or purchased by women.

Sadly, I suspect more men are interested in learning how to "pick up" attractive women than learning how to improve their relationships.


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 16 months ago from Home Sweet Home

Hubby loves when i perform exactly like a vixen


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 15 months ago Author

peachpurple; I'm sure that would make most husbands happy!:)


ladyguitarpicker profile image

ladyguitarpicker 11 months ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

Good article on how to improve your relationship. Sex is great with the right person. The hard part is finding the right person, loving,caring, giving, and a great lover all in the one person.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 11 months ago Author

ladyguitarpicker, Thanks for your comment.

I completely agree with you. Finding the "right person" is the real hard "work" required to have a successful relationship.

Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

The goal is to (choose) wisely!

Most people these days believe the "work" begins after you've chosen someone. I tend to feel if it's "hard work" being with someone it means you chose the "wrong person" to be with! :)

Two people who share the same values, want the same things for the relationship, and agree on how to obtain those things while having a mutual depth of love and desire for one another shouldn't have a lot of "hard work".


freecampingaussie profile image

freecampingaussie 11 months ago from Southern Spain

Hi, Keep seeing alerts about comments on this page so thought I would drop in again! As a female of 50 married to a 68 yr old who I have an amazing time with in bed and out I find this interesting. We enjoy lovemaking most mornings and I believe there is more happiness in giving + receiving is awesome !


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 11 months ago Author

freecampingaussie, Congratulations on having a loving and passionate marriage! No doubt there are many people who would be envious!:)

Thanks for stopping by to post a comment!


chumba 10 months ago

great hub n intriguing too


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 10 months ago Author

chumba, Thanks for stopping by and posting a comment.

Much appreciated!


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 2 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

This is a great article! And, as a woman who loves sex, I can happily say that I put a check in every box...

Namaste


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 months ago Author

Deborah, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment.

It sounds like whomever your lover is that's one LUCKY person! :)

Namaste

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