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Top 10 Reasons to Get Intimate With Your Partner

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives every day by sharing her joy and love of life.

It starts with a kiss

It starts with a kiss

Not Tonight, Honey. I Have a Headache,

People come up with a variety of reasons not to be intimate: We don't have time, I'm too fat, I'm too tired, the kids might hear us, I'm not in the mood, I have a headache, I'm still mad at you. The list could go on and on. The sad fact is, couples don't always make time to be intimate.

An article in Everyday Family discusses the "normal" number of times couples have intimate relations.

One of the hardest things for any relationship is determining when and why to have sex. Once you've been in a relationship for a while, you're not always in the mood, like in the early days of a relationship. And there hardly seems time, after you've been together. There are bills to pay and arguments to resolve and myriad other excuses that ruin intimate moments in relationships. Being in a long-term relationship can spell disaster for physical intimacy.

To make intimacy easier, think of any time as a good time for a little fun. In the morning before the kids wake up, and before you jump out of bed. In the shower. A quickie at lunch. Before the kids get home from school. After the kids have gone to bed. There is plenty of time to be intimate with your partner. Stop making excuses and start looking for reasons to get up close and personal with the person you love most.

The bigger question is often why? Why should we? What's in it for me? There are lots of reasons to enjoy intimate relations with your partner. Usually, after you've had sex, you are really glad you did. The most difficult obstacle to overcome usually involves the mind. Mentally, you just don't feel like it. You don't feel like getting in the mood. You don't feel like getting your spouse in the mood. It's easier to watch TV and fall asleep. With just a small investment of time, and a mental switch, you can enjoy the following benefits of having sex with your spouse.

Make time for each other

Make time for each other

Proven Health Benefits of Intimacy

1. Having Sex Is Good for Your Health

According to recent studies, sex once a week produces 30% higher levels of hormones that boost the immune system, such as immunoglobulin A (IgA), an infection-fighting antibody that helps fight infection and illness. Besides boosting your immune system, sex is also a natural antihistamine. It can help combat hay fever as well as asthma.

2. Physical Intimacy Helps You Lose Weight

Passionate sex burns about two hundred calories, the same as running on the treadmill for fifteen minutes. British researchers have determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off in a year by being intimate three times a week. If you had a choice, and you do, wouldn't you rather crawl between the sheets instead of taking a long run? Maybe you could run together, out into the woods, and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, followed by a few intimate moments. And if you are busy getting busy, you won't likely have so much time for a Big Mac.

3. Intimacy Leads to Emotional Well-Being

During orgasm, the parts of the brain governing fear, stress and anxiety are switched off. Oxytocin is released, which has an amnesic effect on the brain. (Read... You will forget, at least temporarily, why you were mad!) Endorphins are also released, producing a relaxing and calming effect, a sense of well-being and euphoria. Sex is ten times more effective than Valium, without the negative side effects, although it can be addictive! According to Neuroscientist Adam Safron, in his paper Socioaffective Neuroscience and Psychology, the sensory absorption that comes with rhythmic stimulation can put you in a meditative state. It's relaxing for the brain as well as the body.

4. Having Sex Helps the Bladder and Prostate

For women, sex strengthens the pelvic floor muscles, which gives greater control over pesky bladder leakage. This can be a problem for women, after having children, and as a natural side effect of aging. Being intimate can help decrease the frequency of those issues, and will help you feel less self-conscious. For men, there is a link between infrequent ejaculation and prostate cancer. The answer seems to be, more sex. This simple step will keep bladder and prostate problems at bay for longer periods than doing nothing.

5. You Will Look Better

Extra estrogen in women, a result of orgasm, makes hair shinier. Sweating during sex cleanses pores and gives your skin a healthy sheen. Serotonin produces a sexual afterglow. You will look younger and healthier, and you will feel better after being intimate with your partner. In addition, men and women who had intimate relations on a regular basis were perceived to be five to 10 years younger than their actual age, in a clinical study at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland.

Top 10 reasons men and women have sex

Top 10 reasons men and women have sex

More Benefits of Intimacy

6. Sex Improves Muscle Tone

Regular sexual relations can firm not only the abdominal muscles, but also the legs and gluteus. And for those of you who are extra adventurous, you can firm your arms, chest and back muscles. Intimacy also increases muscle tone, helps with flexibility and elasticity of muscles, and improves cardiovascular conditioning. While it may not replace your daily trip to the gym, regular physical relations with your partner will definitely enhance your physique.

7. Having Sex Slows the Aging Process

Sex lowers cortisol levels in the bloodstream, which reduces stress and slows the aging process. These lowered cortisol levels keep you healthy and younger looking. Not only that, but intimacy helps you feel younger too. And the mood lift you get from having sex keeps you happy, engaged and productive in the rest of your life.

Read More From Pairedlife

8. Regular Intimacy Fights Disease

Women who have more sex have higher levels of estrogen, which protects against heart disease. It also protects the body against Alzheimer's disease and osteoporosis. There are a number of health issues related to low estrogen levels, including a more difficult time during menopause. Regular intimacy and orgasm helps regulate those hormones and eases the transition. In addition, according to one study, 60 percent of migraine sufferers felt a reduction in pain during or after sex. Nineteen percent reported feeling completely pain free following an intimate encounter.

9. Physical Intimacy Transforms Your Relationship

Every time you have an enjoyable experience with your partner, your brain associates that person with pleasure. Increasing the number of pleasurable associations improves your relationship. When you have a positive experience with your partner, you begin to view him or her in a more positive light. No longer will the small irritants seem so significant, when you know you're in for a good time. Not only will you see your partner in a better way, but they will also view you more favorably. Overall, regular sex improves relationships and might even keep you from the brink of divorce. When you get the sex worked out, everything else seems less significant.

10. It Feels Really Good

Physically and emotionally, bonding with your spouse on this level creates an intimate bond. This bond is unlike any other. Your body feels good, your mood rises, you feel loved, and your spirit soars. Really, you need no other reasons to have sex.

Pick any of the above reasons to surprise your sweetie with a romp between the sheets. You will both be glad you did.

Finding Balance and Intimacy

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: Is being in a relationship both pain and pleasure?

Answer: I'd say yes, all of life is a dichotomy of painful and pleasurable experiences. It all comes back to suffering. Once we learn to release our attachments, then we can cease suffering, no matter what the circumstances.

© 2010 Deborah Demander


Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on February 20, 2019:

I'd suggest a condom.

Sam from USA on February 20, 2019:

Sex is great, no one argues. But I am so afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or even HIV (therefore I drink PreP )

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on August 26, 2018:

Jane, Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment on my article. I'm glad you and your partner are finding the time, space and comfort to experiment together. It really is a wonderful thing.

Wish you all the best,


Jane on August 22, 2018:

Thanks Debby for this wonderful write up

Was just telling my partner bout it and decided to show him all you’ve said , sex sure is amazing and we experimenting more and more

It’s a great feeling when it’s been done with the right person

Allen on June 06, 2018:

I've never experience any form of intimacy (hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc) and I've never had sex because no woman could ever want me. The only way for me to experience intimacy would be to pay for it, which I refuse to do. I am 36 and have never asked a woman out (nor have I been asked out) and I’ve never even kissed anyone either. Complete rejection would always be guaranteed so there is no point in approaching any woman – just saying hello would probably get me accused of harassment.

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on April 20, 2016:

Dean, Thank you for reading and commenting.

Unfortunately, there is not much help I can offer.

Best of luck to you,

Warmest Regards,


Dean Keak Tegn from Ethiopia on April 19, 2016:

Wow! what a good article is it that has touched my heart like this. Excuse me Mrs. Deborah D., I do not even have sexual intercourse for 8 years now, but I have been felt in love with a girl from our Congregation where sexual is not allowed before marriage, so what do you think then? Even, when I read your hub I actually noticed that semen droplets have fallen for good, but no sex since then. Could you help me?

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on February 18, 2016:


Thanks for the comment. And I agree. But I kind of thought I ought to offers some "legitimate" reasons to have sex, aside from the obvious one!


PDXBuys from Oregon on February 17, 2016:

Hard to believe that "sex feels good" was way down the list at number 10!

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on January 21, 2016:


Thanks for reading my article. I'm hoping you will use some of these excuses to have a good time with your man!


Nicole K on January 20, 2016:

Interesting insights here! I didn't know regular sex makes your hair more shiny! Good to know! Thanks for sharing all your knowledge

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on December 09, 2015:

Thank you for your comments, and thanks for reading.

Hope this helps in some small way.


Naveed Ahmed from Bahrain on November 10, 2015:

I came to this hub from another one of yours "Top 10 ways men destroy their marriage". I left my comments there that I read only some paragraphs and had a look at the titles of the rest. But this one was so interesting to read that I couldn't just let myself skip by only looking over the paragraph titles. It indeed touches upon an important aspect of our contentment and happiness in life, and these tips are worth an advice besides the valuable information.

Naveed Ahmed from Bahrain on November 10, 2015:

I came to this hub from another one of yours "Top 10 ways men destroy their marriage". I left my comments there that I read only some paragraphs and had a look at the titles of the rest. But this one was so interesting to read that I couldn't just let myself skip by only looking over the paragraph titles. It indeed touches upon an important aspect of our contentment and happiness in life, and these tips are worth an advice besides the valuable information.

Amy on April 28, 2014:

I hadn't had sex, intimacy love from my husband in about 45 years. He won't even speak or sleep with me, I'm just a nobody. He eats and sleeps in our basement. I'm sure the reasons are great, never had a chance to enjoy it.

Jenifer L from california on December 04, 2010:

Great hub, Deborah! On that note, I think I'm due for some exercise!

blessedmommyof3 on August 03, 2010:

Great hub! Sex truly is wonderful when it is with your spouse! The love and bonding between the two is priceless.

Trsmd from India on July 31, 2010:

Very good... But 8 I am not convinced. Actually sex creates disease...

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on July 15, 2010:

Thanks for your enthusiastic support Tom.


tom hellert from home on July 15, 2010:


Hell ya #10 oh yay for 1-9 too...

nice hubbage


Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on July 15, 2010:

Hey Carolina, thanks for stopping by, You are right. Use it or lose it.


carolina muscle from Charlotte, North Carolina on July 14, 2010:

It's all about 'use it or lose it'!

Fine post!!!

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on April 19, 2010:

Hey Al, You are right. Get the blood flowing. It does wonders. And you are right about menopause. Actually, mama always likes it with some extra attention.


Al Bell on April 18, 2010:

Good job... this goes for us old duffers too; maybe even more so. For us old guy's to have sex with out Viagra, you have to exercise and get the blood pressure medicines down. Just remember Mama has some special needs after menopause that require some attention. No more "Wham Bam thank you Maam." Happy romping.

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on April 18, 2010:

Thanks for stopping by and reading.... It's true, a good romp will make you feel better.


Gener Geminiano from Land of Salt, Philippines on April 17, 2010:

I think I need to bookmark this hub, it is very interesting..

thevoice from carthage ill on April 10, 2010:

splendid hub right great love hub thanks

Matthew Frederick Blowers III from United States on April 09, 2010:

Men should laminate this to their headboards, then if there's any arguments about headaches or not feeling well, they can refer their partner to all the healthy ways a good sexual romp will make them feel III

Divorce in Nashville on April 09, 2010:

I'm going to have to start "losing more weight".

Chicagovision from Chicago on April 09, 2010:

great one

mhuze from USA on April 09, 2010:

Great article! I will have to agree.

Missi Darnell from Southern California on April 09, 2010:

Love this hub and your reasons for "doing it".

englightenedsoul on April 09, 2010:

Excellent Hub!! Rated Up!

Cassandra Mantis from UK and Nerujenia on April 09, 2010:

Great hub! Any time is a good time for it really! Heh! Cheers! : )

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