How to Quit PMO and Why: Looking Inside This Addiction
The "Why" of It and "When" to Know That It's Time
Anything done in moderation and within control is not bad. People might ask why I'm posing masturbation as if it were a bad thing or a disease — but I'm certainly not saying that it is not normal. But if it is something that you want to quit and you still go back again and do it, just to feel defeated and depressed and every time you do it, you again say to yourself, "Not again." But you still do it. Then you know that something is not right. If there's nothing wrong with it, why do you want to quit and why do you go back and do it again and again?
Anything that has the word 'addiction' associated with it, is not good. Anything that goes beyond your control, is not good. Drugs and alcohol are a few notorious addictions, and PMO isn't behind. It affects you from inside, in less visible ways. But once out of control, it can seriously affect your career, your relationship, your peace, your self-worth, and your life as a whole.
And nothing can be worse than realizing you have the potential to do great deeds rather than just jerking off and you still do the latter.
- When you know you are more than a normal guy and still you feel enslaved to this demon of yours and fall again and again into the same trap.
- And your mind is so much occupied with your dick that you tend to forget your goals; and all of a sudden a fap becomes your highest priority.
- When masturbation and fantasies become higher than sex or your love.
- When you know deep down in your heart that you are here for a higher purpose but you allow yourself to fall into this petty addiction.
- When you feel helpless and let your mind make up excuses to jerk off this one last time. When you know there is no "Last time".
- When you say to yourself that I will start this new chapter, but let's jerk off first. Let's clear the mind.
- When you do something good and try to reward yourself with one good fap.
- When you are sick enough that you can not do your job or study but you are willing to fap.
That's the time you know you need to change. You need a mind shift. You need a will of iron. This thing weakens the willpower. Not just about it, but your willpower in general.
When you feel dejected, when the right thing to do is to fight back, when it is completely necessary to bounce back with full of your strength, But the first thing you do is fap your problem out. Instead of focusing on solutions, you try to fap it out. You can fap during any situation. Instead of facing your problems, you prefer sitting idle and fap.
It's time to change focus. Don't fight this, just change focus. When you fight something, it comes back with more power. Don't give it more power or attention. Just set up a really busy and productive schedule for yourself where you can not find a tiny place for this.
Whenever you feel distracted, just think of the reward you will get when you do what you have planned. Accomplishments give a long-lasting more satisfactory feeling than a small fap- which is a reward that leaves behind a lingering disappointment in yourself that you failed again.
You get used to failing. Defeat doesn't bother you anymore. Well, it does but you surrender to this every time.
Now, just realize what is going to happen when this habit of "failing and not bothering" expands. When you will be willing to accept defeat in other areas of your life. Do not let that happen to you. Because if that happens, you will be entrapped in the life of mediocrity. You will just accept everything whatever comes along. You will lose your fighter attitude. You will focus on other things that are more important to you...like.. well...
Change your schedule now.
Always remember . . . the right time is "Now".
How Do You Start?
You must have heard this phrase ad nauseam times that "The first step is the hardest". In this case, I will expand it a little with, "The first few days are the hardest" and this is because you are leaving an 'important' thing which was part of your life style for a very long time and your body has gotten used to that kind of cheap dopamine rush.
You will find a lot many articles suggesting practical tips to quit PMO like peeing, doing pushups, taking cold showers etc. But I find all such things useless. When time comes, your brain is smart enough to trick yourself out of these "practical tips".
The key is - don't focus on suppressing urges, but focus on other productive things. it will give you a sense of satisfaction and you will succeed without even realizing.
Set up a reward for yourself. So when you meet your no fap goal, you give that reward to you. This reward should be of real importance to you which will push you to reach your goal to get that thing. After a while, the body will develop resistance itself so you will feel urges but you won't fap. That's the beauty of it.
- I want to you to make a list of all the things that are not going well in your life or
- The things that you want to be better or
- Just a simple list of things you would want to achieve.
- Don't list down magnanimous goals... just smaller, achievable ones.
- Write it down.
- Then pick the smallest thing from the list and set up a plan to achieve this.
- Set a timeline.
- Write down a detailed plan if needed.
- Now I want you to work towards achieving this tiniest goal. And do not stop until you do.
Some people need a visible goal in their lives to come out of their shells or they simply choose to live in complacency. These small achievements will make you feel good.
Now here is the difficult part... Although, your achievement itself will serve you as a reward but if you still want to treat yourself once you have achieved your smallest target, reward yourself with anything... anything that you like... I can't stress on this enough.... anything... but not fap.
Always have smaller achievable goals. they will keep you focused and you will get clarity and soon you will start working on bigger goals. But do not overwhelm yourself with this.
Just remember, it is just like life which is a constant battle and you cannot afford losing... not even once. It is an ongoing battle... Even after two years, I still feel temptations, I still feel weak sometimes. But I look back at what a wonderful life I have created for myself after quitting, all those things which I achieved after quitting, all those things which I could not have imagined in my complacent days. But this didn't start with a goal of quitting completely. It started with a goal of abstinence for only 66 days. That's what you need to do, you need a concrete, visible and achievable goal.
Download some habit-tracking application on your phone and track your streak. it will give you a visible representation of your current streak and a sense of concrete output for your efforts. I used HabitBull.
Just stay strong and aware and feel good that you didn't give in to a temptation.
I Started but I Failed Again. Now What?
I often hear people saying that I was abstinent for some time but then I watched some GIFs or some videos, does it count as cheating? The answer is you are not accountable to anyone else but to yourself. This is quite normal to have urges and as I said earlier nothing is wrong with it.
Don't beat yourself up if you have watched porn. As long as you are not masturbating, think of it as you are sublimating. Never ever fall into "What the hell" mentality.
"What the hell" state of mind basically is, 'if you have watched porn, you might think what the hell, I've already broken my streak let's fap every drop out now.'
NO... NO. Never fall into that. That's another trick your brain plays on you to fall again. Focus on only one thing for starters - not masturbating. Even if you are watching porn and you are not fapping, you are way ahead of those who are struggling to keep it away from their heads.
This is essentially sublimation. You will soon develop enough will power to keep these thoughts away and since you know that you are not allowed to fap, you will decide for yourself if you want to cheat on watching GIFs or videos that might make you weak.
Watch this video to know more about sublimation -
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.