My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
Why He Should Call After Sex
Too often men make assumptions and excuses about women are thinking and feeling. A lot of times guys make assumptions about what he thinks you want because his ego is way too big. This article explores reasons a man should call after sex, how to communicate, and what to do if he backs off.
1. No Woman Wants to Feel Used
If your guy cannot be honest with his intentions, then maybe you should suggest that another avenue with a different woman would probably be best for him. Sex is a two-way street, as is the decision for two people to be together. Usually, the more time you spend with someone, the more the romance develops. As a result, the emotional and physical desire grows stronger, and a foundation for love is formed.
2. Not Calling Makes Him Seem Egotistical
When a guy doesn't respect you enough to give you the courtesy of calling or texting after sleeping with you, he's not only rude, but he may have an enlarged ego. For any man to assume what you want or expect without asking first, is frankly offensive! Maybe you also want to just have fun (especially if the sex is good). Maybe you want to date, but not have a commitment. Or, maybe you like the guy and don't have any expectations, but want to keep an open mind for whatever could potentially happen.
Although it might be an easy out for a guy to claim that he didn't call after sex because you weren't "the one," there are usually many more reasons why you might not hear from a guy.
3. You Shared an Intimate Moment—The Proper Thing to Do Is Acknowledge That!
Ladies, if a guy decides to fall off the map—weeks, months, or possibly forever—after sex, then shame on him! He is definitely not the right guy and does not deserve your time, or emotional energy thinking about him.
Red flags can appear in all relationships; however, when they appear too soon that is never a good sign, especially once you have been physically intimate. Protect yourself emotionally and physically. Discuss what you are looking for before sleeping together—be very clear. And, always, always wear a condom—if he doesn't call, you have one less thing to worry about.
How to Communicate After Sex
- Be honest about what you want. If your goal is to find a relationship, tell him that you’re not interested in being casual sex buddies. If you want to sleep around with him, ask him if he wants to have a repeat of the night before sometime this week. It’s that easy.
- Ask him what he wants. The situation is not just about you. You should listen to his side as well. Let him go if he's not interested. A lot of men aren’t interested in relationships if they made an effort to sleep with you as soon as possible.
- Don't ask for a relationship. You just had sex. Whether or not you’ve been seeing each other for a while, this is not the time to talk about it. It’s possible that your judgment could be impaired from the mind-blowing sex, and you’re not being objective about the situation. That goes the same for your partner.
- Don't be thirsty. There's no need to be clingy. If he's not replying, then he's probably busy or uninterested. Be wary of replies that seem to arise when you think he has an itch he needs to scratch.
How to Handle Him Backing Off After Sex
Take a Step Back
Stop hitting him up. He probably has a different sense of timing than you might prefer, but if you pressure him into making a decision, you are likely to lose him as a romantic partner. If someone wants to talk to you, they will do so.
Become More Comfortable With Uncertainty
Most women are capable of sharing their feelings by communicating while most men express how they feel in their behavior. If he’s taking things more slowly, it may mean that you need to back off emotionally.
Shift your focus to the other things in your life. Don’t wait for him to respond before you decide to make plans with friends. Go do whatever brought you joy before your sexual encounter. If not knowing where you stand makes you anxious, redirect that energy. Go for a walk, take an activity class, or become involved in something else that interests you.
Continue to Be Romantically Available
Remain romantically available. Continue to date and explore potential relationships with other men, if that is what you desire, unless you and your boy have verbally agreed that you are in an exclusive relationship. If that is the case, it might be a good idea to get to know other men as platonic friends while he figures out what he wants.
More Reasons Why He Did Not Call After Sex
- He regrets sleeping with you.
- He's immature and inexperienced.
- He was embarrassed—didn't think he was any good in bed.
- He has a girlfriend/wife that he didn't tell you about.
- His hands became immobilized (no longer able to use them to dial your number)—right after sleeping with you.
- He was dating someone else at the same time, and he's decided he's more interested in her.
- He died (plane crash, car crash, freakish illness).
- He's younger and didn't know how to handle the situation.
- Let's face it . . . he wanted sex and once he got it, he was done.
- You weren't his cup of tea in the boudoir.
- He lost his phone right after he slept with you and had no way of retrieving your number.
- He had to enter a witness protection program immediately after his night with you.
- Plain and simple . . . He is an a-hole!
Yes, some of the reasons might sound ridiculous, but it's just as ridiculous for a guy not to call, especially if he is over the age of thirty. When two adults who have been dating for awhile decide to connect in a sexual way, then the man should at least be considerate enough to tell you if he is no longer interested. If the interest isn't there anymore, you are told so—preferably by a phone call. However, receiving a text or email is better than nothing.
Bottom line, a man who has good intentions will call you after sex. Period!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Riffk on June 01, 2020:
I met this guy in front of my door. He was insanely gorgeous at the time. I had a baby about a year some change. Not with him. We stayed friends the babe is 4 now. He moved to D.C. 2 years before. We been cool. He the best date open doors pays. I recently told him. I loved him. He visited from D.C. see his parents. After years we messed around after a hot date out in his Mercedes. I squirted 3 times. I think that gasked him up. Wish I didn't. He didn't call the next day. I texted hope you got rest after 8 hours to hometown. Am I gullible? After sex no response.
Frog on May 07, 2020:
I just did this and feel terrible about it I had sex with a woman who opened up to me and shared her life story. We had a great time together. She kept telling me that she gets butterflies when thinking of me. I thought that she was very kind hearted and sweet. The one thing that turned me off to her was right before we parted ways she told me that I should get tested for STDs because of the last guy she slept with was sketchy. That made me very uneasy. I used protection, but I know that condoms are not bullet proof. I’m getting tested next week to make sure I’m still clean! Because of that, I decided not to call her back. If she had my best interest she should have told me that before hooking up, not right after parting ways. But regardless, I still feel like a jerk just disappearing
Baromash on March 14, 2020:
Add Your Comment..it is really amicable and interesting to have all sort of experience in sex life learning on how to deal with love affairs gives and sustains a long term relationship.
Lisa on December 10, 2019:
I recently had sex with this guy I was talking to for few weeks. It was our third date and frankly I was in the mood for sex. The act itself was good. However, he hasn’t text me in a week exactly. Also, he still follows me on Instagram but no longer watch my ig stories. I know he’s not dead because he’s been active on Instagram. I haven’t reached out to him since we last saw each other a week ago, I don’t want to be the first to text, I want the guy to make the effort first. Him not texting me I see it as a sign he just wanted to hit it and quit it. What do you think it’s happening?
Megan on December 06, 2019:
Dealing with my partner for over 2years recently While having sex I started bleeding we quickly stopped.he took a shower and I cleaned up then left. He hasn't called me since. I'm feeling really hurt. Should I reach out
Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on November 15, 2019:
Jasmine, thank you! I have not heard of that site. I am a relation coach for a woman named Jess—she and I will be posting weekly video updates on Instagram (my Instagram us is: miss_adventures_coach
Jasmine on November 15, 2019:
Hey Stephanie, I was wondering if you have heard of this relationship coaching program before? https://cutt.ly/feFbwGR. It looks like a great program in helping women to tap into a man’s ego. I was just looking for some opinions before I made my decision. By the way, I love the content you have been posting lately! Keep up the good work :)
Priyanka Ray on August 10, 2019:
He called me and forced me to b with him. We both are married with another partners, then when I became addicted he started calling me less. Then one day after 4 to 5 months, we had sex. And after sex he stopped calling me. I was okay with my life, didnt hv any thirst to hv sex with someone else. This man whom i met first when we were supposed to get married. But due to some unavoidable circumstances we didnt. Suddenly he started requesting fr friendship through fb n took my numbr to text me in whatsapp. And slowly i came closer to him. We had sex, tht night he called nd after tht he stopped calling me. WHY?
Deez nuts on July 09, 2019:
Jack on March 11, 2019:
Lame little article. If you were so interested why didn't you call the guy? Sounds like a venting piece based on the authors own terrible love life.
Shifa on December 04, 2018:
Great article, thank you ❤️
Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on September 19, 2018:
Thank you Rhonda!
Rhonda on September 09, 2018:
I love this articile
moka8848 on August 08, 2017:
lisa on April 14, 2017:
Was seeing this guy for a couple of months and slept with me and then use the f word never seeing him since
PDXBuys from Oregon on September 26, 2016:
Her red rotary dial phone is extremely outdated. And staring at it will not make it ring! Just a thought...
PDXBuys from Oregon on September 26, 2016:
Keep in mind that there are women who ignore men after intimacy as well. Not only do they not call but they completely dump the man after one evening of sex. Women act more an more like stereotypical men these days. And it is a real turn off.
Marlene from FL. on September 14, 2015:
A very good hub. Women should be on the lookout for these relationship red flags which are not always easy to spot during the early stages of dating, but don't ignore any signs of bad behavior & if you are a smart woman you will know whether a guy is using you or stringing you alone or they're really interested in a long term commitment. Joseph makes a very good point .
Lucy on August 25, 2014:
Can I have a number
Joseph on August 17, 2014:
This article is ignoring a common reason for not calling. He just isn't attracted to you at all. Sometimes a girl you aren't even interested in just tears her cloths off and throws herself at you for no apparent reason, and you just go with it.
If you asked a girl out on a date, kissed her first, asked her for her number or in any other way actively pursued her, then you should call her afterwards. If she was the one who initiated everything and you just went with it, then you can still chose not to call her because you just aren't interested.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 20, 2014:
I have to agree with Terry on this. It's 2014. She can always call him! :)
If two "consenting adults" have sex why is one person more obligated to call the next day than the other based upon their gender?
If someone wants to talk to you they will call you and if you want to talk to someone you should call them.
The vast majority of "one night stands" aren't planned to the point where people say out loud to each other "Lets have a one night stand". Therefore in (most instances) you don't know it's a "one night stand" from (their) point of view until days or weeks afterwards. That's when it becomes "consensual".
Oftentimes when a guy has been "waiting" to have sex with a woman for weeks or months and it turns out to be "so-so". He's not going to be in a rush repeat it.
Being a guy I can tell you that I have never had "one night stand" that contained "mind-blowing" sex. If it would have been that great I would have had to at least have seconds!
Neither party should feel like they (owe) the other person a call or that the other person (owes) them something. Sexual equality means no one received a "gift". It was a mutual exchange.
Hopefully no (adult) is having sex with any hidden agenda. Ideally both people will have orgasms and anything beyond that is icing on the cake.
Terry on May 02, 2014:
Why don't you just call the guy instead?