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Senior Intimacy Tips for Aging Couples

Aging Gracefully

If you are like most senior citizens, having intimate relations has become a challenge. As many of you may have already experienced, coupling in your sixties, seventies or eighties is nothing like the intimate relations you experienced, when you were in your twenties. For one thing, body functions response times, may not be what they use to be. This can potentially make some aging adults, feel like a lesser person. Which generally leads to depression, and often times more medications that could inadvertently have a negative impact on your intimacy drive, and you may not even realize it. This is especially true in older men. When prescribed any new medications, be sure to talk to your doctor about the side effects. It is okay to ask your healthcare physician if a decrease sex drive is one such complication that goes along with taking a certain medication. If it is, well then talk with your doctor about trying another medication that will not affect your drive, or have them prescribe something to counteract the side effect. Bottom line- there are plenty of options out there. Do not be stuck in a rut, just because you are to embarrassed to ask.

Adding Healthy Substances

  • A serious factor to consider when taking any medication, is that medications taken to treat depression, and other illnesses associated with aging, are known to cause a decrease in sex drive. It is important to maintain a good outlook on life, while paying close attention to what your body is telling you.
  • Another important factor for aging seniors to remember, is to communicate freely with their sex partner. Many mature adults today, grew up in an era, where it was taboo to openly discuss sex. Especially if the sex talk was focused around the needs, desires, or wants of the individual. Folks, if you had not noticed this is the twenty first century, and good communication between two aging partners, is a vital part of the process to maintaining a healthy sex life.
  • It is also important to realize that aging adults, sexual malfunctions, differ greatly between males and females. Women for an example might suffer from vaginal dryness. Often causing the tissue of the vaginal wall, to feel like sandpaper whenever something is place inside of it. Having sex under these conditions, has been known to be quite painful and irritating. Understanding that this is often associated with the aging process, women no longer have to suffer the plagues of vaginal dryness. Most over-the-counter lubes make it possible for mature women, to enjoy their new found sexual freedom.


Props and Techniques

For men, their problems are usually centered around the function, or lack there of; of their private part. It is a scientific fact that it takes elderly men, up to three times longer to develop an erection, compared to a man half his age. Another aspect of the male anatomy is the fact that aging men do not produce the same amount of semen, as younger males do. Making it even harder for an aging man to reach the point of climatic pleasure, let alone experiencing one. Understanding some of the most simplistic details about the aging process, just might be the missing clue you have been looking for. Just because you are getting older, does not mean you should stop living your life.

Maintaining a happy sex life, is one way to staying healthy and fit. Even if you are eighty. Realizing some of the most basic essentials and limitations, is all you have to do to be free and safe with your sexual partner. If you are limited by arthritis or pain, make sure to give yourselves plenty of extra time and use some of your God given ingenuity and creativity to make things go smoother, and preferably pain free. Using extra padded pillows to help support your hips, elbows or knees, is one such way of being creative when it comes to dealing with your private limitations. Understanding that your body is more fragile now, verses before, is only smart on your part. Creative measures to aid you in this endeavor, might even call for you and your partner to develop an ever expanding definition of sex itself. Whatever the case maybe, just remember, life doesn't have to pass you by because you're turning sixty!

For Males 45 and Older

Since I am in the medical field, I often get asked the question if men go through a menopausal type of hormonal cycle.

  1. Menopause in women is characterized by certain changes in their hormonal production of estrogen and progesterone. Male testicles do not lose the ability to make hormones or sperm. Females do however lose their abilities to produce certain hormones as they age.
  2. Menopause is a term used to describe that time in a woman's life, when she stops menstruating. The medical prefix term Meno means "the menses", a term used in association with menstruating.
  3. If a man is fit and healthy, he should be able to make sperm, well into his eighties.

What Does Occur in Males Over the Age of 45;

  • Subtle changes in the function of the testes do occur to men, ages 45 to 50, then again after the age of seventy. Most men experience a normal hormone production well into their later years.
  • There are men who can have declining hormone production at an earlier age. This hormone reduction can be induced by illness such as; diabetes. However, waning testicular function contributions still remain an uncertainty.
  • Some sign and symptoms of decrease testosterone production is chronic fatigue, weakness, low sex drive, or depression.

What are the treatment options for low testosterone?

If testosterone levels are low, hormone replacement therapy may help relieve symptoms. However, increase levels of testosterone production in men over the age of 45, increases their risk of prostate cancer and atherosclerosis. Atherosclerosis is the hardening of the arteries. A man should receive a complete physical examination by his physician if suffering from any of the above mentioned symptoms.

Upon the results of laboratory tests, you and your physician should discuss starting hormone replacement therapy. How many middle-aged men will benefit from such therapy remains an open question.

The Seriousness of Prostate Cancer in Aging African-American Males

Currently the United States Center of Disease Control, is studying the possible reasons why African-American males are at a higher risk for prostate cancer. In 1998, the CDC conducted a study concerning 1/100,000 males per U. S. population over the age of 45 and prostate cancer death rates by ethnicity. The discovery was alarming.

  • Out of every 100,000 males, 70.7 men died as a result of prostate cancer in the survey.

  • For every African-American diagnosed 159.7 died as a result of prostate cancer
  • Hispanic males- 47.6 died
  • American Indian/Alaska Native- 37.2 died
  • Asian/Pacific Islander- 26.4 died

Currently the CDC scientists do not have concrete evidence as to why prostate cancer is more prevalent in aging African-American men. The possible reasons under review are and including African-American culture, environment, and the complete biological make-up of the disease, in African-American males.

  • What the CDC discovered was that out of the ten leading causes of cancer death in, African-American males, prostate cancer is second to only to lung cancer.
  • It is the fourth leading cause of death in African-American men over the age of 45.
  • The number one leading cause of death in African-American men, under the age of 45 was gunfire.
  • In reference to disease, heart disease kills thirty-one percent of males over the age of 45.
  • The lifetime risk of prostate cancer in African American men is over 19%, or basically 1 in 5.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


AussieBill on September 02, 2018:

A good, informative article... but some of the comments below, while going back a few years, are surprising. I'm chuckling about those indicating a belief of sex for old people is, well, just not natural. Wait and see, folks. If one is fortunate enough to grow old one will be doubly fortunate if one continues to enjoy the intimacy of sex. Yes, sex for oldies is different than it was when, say, one was 20. Or 30... or even 50. Speaking personally, up until I reached my fourth decade, an erection was always there to enjoy. But then I discovered there was a lot more to sexual intercourse than putting it in, pumping a couple time, climaxing before rolling over and going to sleep. Ha! A lot more. Now, believe it or not, I'm a couple years past my eightieth decade, my lady is a few years younger and we have a great sex life. Not as often maybe, and certainly not as quickly over... but we both take a lot of pleasure from those afternoons or evenings. There is no reason that I can see to put sexual enjoyment in the too hard basket. Lubrication, vibrators, open mindedness, not rushing, exploring and slowly reliving some of the sexual joys Ma Nature gave us is the answer. Too old? Ha!

Lynn Krown mft Encino, CA on May 24, 2012:

I think there is too little information about women in their late sixties and beyond who are enjoying sexual responsiveness that exceeds their younger years. Multi-orgasmic, juicy with no need for lubrication, no pain from thinning vaginal walls, aided by flexibility earned from a lifetime of Yoga and healthy diet.It is a myth that aging automatically diminishes sexual ecstasy and responsiveness for women. This kind of woman has to make choices about finding partners who can keep up with her. The secret is a combination of hormone replacement therapy, nutrition, exercise, meditation, self-esteem, and focus on the part of women who remain agelessaphrodites.

andrebreynolds on June 24, 2011:

Amazing and such a great hub. I enjoyed reading it, I swear. Thanks for sharing. Keep it up.

Julie Grimes (author) from Columbia, MO USA on April 17, 2011:

Seriously, OMG!

McLaren 83 from Planet Earth on April 16, 2011:

Can I just say there Is a reason sex is a challenge when you get old! I think I'm gonna be sick.

Julie Grimes (author) from Columbia, MO USA on February 01, 2011:

That is really funny stuff Pamela. Horny goat weed....,lol

I've never heard of such a thing.lol

Pamela N Red from Oklahoma on February 01, 2011:

Blood pressure medication are bad about causing a low libido. My husband takes three of them and isn't as interested as he used to be.

Horny goat weed and maca help the libido.

Julie Grimes (author) from Columbia, MO USA on October 25, 2010:

Hey thanks. You made me blush!

Funom Theophilus Makama from Europe on October 24, 2010:

I really cant tell how I landed myself in such a great hub This is such an awesome hub. Very contemporary and indeed breath- taking. I am so privileged to read this hub because I am duly informed and educated. Hoping to read more of such hubs from you. Cheers!


Julie Grimes (author) from Columbia, MO USA on October 07, 2010:

Hey Peter and Bob, I'm sooooooooo sorry for just now finding the time to response to you all. I have to tell you I'm on the other side of this coin. My husband is 54, and his sex drive is all but been depleted, and he won't go to the doctor. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. It's like he doesn't care. He uses my fat body as an excuse. So I just get fatter! All well....

Robert E Smith from Rochester, New York on October 05, 2010:

Well my friend, as I enter into upper middle age (55) and am now an official senior citizen, I see what is around the corner. I see that God has allowed science to make many advancements so that sex can continue on into older age. That is wonderful because pleasing one's mate is a Christian's duty, honor and priviledge. I see it as making "one flesh" out of two bodies and a spiritual bonding. I think that intimacy is where this all starts and making her smile as often as I can. When that smile deepens into something that moves her body and soul, well that is a blessing that has to come from on high, just has to. I pray before such time and I keep on reminding myself that "without God I can do nothing." I am also convinced that there are spots I have yet to discover on her, so with spirit like Indiana Jones I venture forth to explore and discover. What a wonderful person you are to care about the elderly and such an important topic as their sex lives. To God be the glory and much love to you, my dear friend.

Peter Dickinson from South East Asia on October 05, 2010:

As someone in their sixties I feel I am lucky. Making love for me is better than it ever has been. Younger lovers help as does the variety. There is no problem. I 'love' my full time partners and feel sex with them is better as a result. I have experimented with viagra and its cousins out of curiosity rather than need but whereas I found they do have an effect it mainly gives me a stomach upset. Thank you for your article.

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