I love giving advice on how to build romantic relationships.
Whether you are a boy or a girl, it's always a bit of a challenge to kiss someone for the first time, especially if it's your first time kissing anyone! This article will show you how to kiss and help you feel less scared about doing it for the first time.
You might be in one of the following situations:
- There's someone you really like and you're going to kiss soon. Maybe you've talked about it, you're planning something special, or you just feel like it could happen.
- There's someone you like and you hope to kiss them one day.
- You're just curious how it will work when the time comes.
Steps to the First Kiss
Kissing isn't as hard as it seems. Most people think they don't know how, but it happens they're really good at it!
Before: OMG Are We Going to Kiss!?
- Make sure you and your breath smell good. Shower and wear deodorant. Brush your teeth and tongue. Floss. Don't eat stinky foods (avoid spicy food, onions, and garlic). Try smelling your breath.
- Drink water to keep your mouth moist and fresh. Feel free to pop in a mint or a piece of gum and then spit it out beforehand, but keep it discreet, or offer it to the other person too.
- Prep your lips. Kissable lips are smooth, not dry, and not coated with sticky lip gloss or tons of lipstick. If your lips are chapped, you can rub them with sugar to get some of the dry skin off.
- Think about where you might like to kiss. It should be private and somewhere or sometime where you won't have many distractions or be worried about other people. You'll want to keep as much focus on the other person as possible.
- Flirting by tickling, teasing, poking, or finding ways to touch their hand or arm can help show that you want to kiss. If you're sitting next to each other, move so your knees, legs, or arms are touching. Touch their arms or shoulders, or put a gentle hand on their thigh.
- Read the other person's body language. If they're touching you back, looking into your eyes, and smiling, then they probably want to kiss you too. If they're biting their lips or staring at yours, that's also a good sign they want to kiss.
- If you're ready to kiss, look deep into the other person's eyes. Focus on them. You might get a feeling in your stomach like, whoah we've been looking at each other for a while. This is the perfect time to kiss.
- If you're very shy, it's okay to ask if you can kiss someone. If they like you, they'll say yes. If not, they won't. If they like you but they're not ready, hopefully, they'll say so.
- If someone asks you if you want to kiss, just respond truthfully.
- If you're staring into each others' eyes wondering why you're not kissing yet, you could say something like, "Shouldn't we be kissing now?" or "Don't you want to kiss me?"
Just Before and During: You're Kissing!
- Move your face closer to theirs. You don't want to have to lunge for a kiss. If you're standing, stand close to them, so your toes are almost touching. If you're sitting, turn a little to face them and move your face closer to theirs or put your arm around them. If you're hugging, you could put your forehead on their forehead. Now your lips are even closer.
- When you're going in for the kiss, don't go all the way. Move about 90% and then let them come the rest of the way. That way you know they want to kiss you too.
- If they're stiffening or pulling away, it's time to stop. It takes two to kiss, and if the other person isn't on board, then there's no kiss. Move back to flirting and maybe a kiss will happen later on.
- As you move your face towards theirs, tilt your head slightly to the right so you avoid knocking noses. If you do knock noses, though, just laugh it off and keep going for the kiss.
- Part your lips slightly, as if you were breathing through your mouth (but don't breathe through your mouth).
- If someone is moving in to kiss you, all you need to do is relax, tilt your head slightly to the right, keep your lips soft and slightly parted, close your eyes, and then meet their lips with yours.
- Aim for one lip (usually the lower one)—it feels better than both lips pressing each other.
- When you get there, close your eyes and gently brush their lips with yours and linger for a little bit. This is not the time to try to imitate the most passionate kiss you've seen from the movies. When in doubt, go even more gentle and short. Keep it simple. The first kiss shouldn't last longer than four or five seconds.
- Breathe through your nose.
- While kissing, you can hold their hand, put your hands around their waist in a slow dance position, gently cup or stroke their face, play with their hair, or put your hands around their neck. Other locations (you know where I'm talking about) can wait to be touched.
- If someone is kissing you harder than you'd like or with tongue when you don't want any, you should feel free to pull away and say, "I like it when you kiss me gently, like this."
After: We Just Kissed!
- Afterwards, pull away and look into their eyes. You don't have to say anything right away. Smile or play with their hair. Maybe go in for another simple kiss, just like the previous one.
- If you do want to say something it could be something simple like, "I've been wanting to do that for a while," "You're great," "You're so beautiful/handsome/cute/pretty" or even just, "I like you."
- A hug is a great way to part ways, maybe with another gentle kiss, a kiss on the cheek, or saying when you'll see them or contact them next, something like "I'll see you tomorrow, right?" or "Want to hang out this weekend?"
- If the kiss was awkward, that's okay. It's rare you'll be great at something the first time you try it. If you really like each other, there's no reason you won't kiss many more times and get lots better at it.
- Be careful about who you tell about kissing. Make sure you're on the same page with the other person with how public you want to be. It's no fun to show up at school and find out that everyone knows. Be respectful of everyone's feelings.
- Also, remember that the first kiss is not about making out. It's about letting the other person know that you like them. Maybe in the future, you can go a little further with longer kisses or even french kissing.
Important Things to Remember for Your First Kiss
- No matter how old you are, there are other people your age who have never kissed anyone before. It has nothing to do with looks. So don't feel like this is a now-or-never situation. You're going to have plenty more opportunities to kiss in your life.
- First kisses are almost always awkward. Laughter and a good sense of humor will help make it a great experience for everyone. Remember the first time you tried to play a sport or an instrument? Kissing is a skill just like those things. You're not going to do it perfectly the first time.
- If you're kissing someone who is more experienced than you, don't be embarrassed that you haven't kissed anyone before. It doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. Everyone starts out where you are. Remember that they're excited to kiss you too!
- You should only kiss someone because you want to. Don't do it if you feel like you need to kiss someone or it's never going to happen, because someone really wants to kiss you, or because you think you should want to kiss someone.
- If you're in a situation where you feel pressure to do anything you don't want to, that's a sign that it isn't right. You can tell the other person that it just doesn't feel right, and they should be understanding. If they're not, then that's an even bigger sign that they're not right for you.
- Remember to breathe. Often when we're nervous, we kind of hold our breath. Taking a few deep breaths will help you relax and enjoy.
- Your first kiss does not determine your kissing future. If it's bad, that's okay. You'll get better with practice. If you get rejected, that's okay too. You'll find someone who wants to kiss you.
- Sometimes first kisses are special, and sometimes they're not. Don't feel like this has to be the best moment ever.
General Kissing Advice
- A first kiss should always be spontaneous, soft, slow, and not messy at all!
- If your partner kisses you first, you might open your lips a little, but no french kissing. It would ruin the first kiss and be sloppy. The idea is to press your lips up against your partner's but not too much. Make sure your position is comfortable too, so you're not in pain while kissing.
- Another good way to kiss your partner is to start by kissing him or her softly on the cheek—then when he or she looks at you, you can kiss him or her softly on the lips.
- Remember, a first kiss might go most smoothly while you two are alone. Things might not be so good when friends—or jealous exes—are watching.
- Make sure the person you want to kiss wants to kiss you back. This is the most important thing.
- Talking about a first kiss before it happens can be sweet but is also dangerous. It may cause you or your special someone to worry, and in the end, it may come out way too rehearsed—it's more romantic to be spontaneous.
- Just remember, if the person likes you, they'll understand starting out slowly is better.
What If Someone Wants to Kiss You But You Don't Want to Kiss Them
You might not want to kiss someone because you don't like them, or because you don't feel ready.
- If you don't like them and don't want to kiss them, tell them "No, thank you" or "This doesn't feel right" or "I don't want to do this."
- If you like them but don't feel ready, tell them that. Say, "I really like you but I'm not ready to kiss yet. I know you'll be understanding and it will be so much better when I feel ready."
What If You Want to Kiss Someone but They Don't Want to Kiss You
They might not want to kiss you because either they don't feel attracted to you, or they're nervous.
- If they don't feel attracted to you, there's not much you can do. Respect their wishes and know that there are many people who will find you very attractive. As a precaution, check to make sure you smell good, that your breath is good, and that your lips are kissable. Some of these might be causing a little hesitation on their part. If they're still not attracted, then move on.
- If they're nervous but say that they like you, respect that they're not ready. You might tell them that you'd like to kiss them but that you'll wait until they're ready. This will give them the space they need and will help make your first kiss even better.
- Never try to kiss someone who tells you that they don't want you to. You should only kiss someone who really wants to kiss you back.
What If You Kiss Someone and It's Bad
No one does anything perfectly the first time. Tons of things can go wrong in your first kiss. It's best to have a sense of humor about it and laugh it off. It's not the end of the world, and you're not doomed to a lifetime of bad kissing.
- Maybe they weren't ready, or you weren't ready so it just felt weird.
- Maybe you were so nervous you couldn't focus on them or the kiss.
- Maybe someone's breath or body stank.
- Maybe you knocked teeth, or there was a ton of tongue and it was really sloppy.
All of these will probably happen to you at some point, and most of them can be solved with practice and hygiene.
It's important to remember that kissing is about the other person. Imagine how what you're doing might feel on their body. Tell your kissing partner what you like and they'll reciprocate—communication is the best way to make sure everyone is having fun.
Kissing Tricks and Tips
- It helps if you know the person you're kissing well.
- Try to seem confident, but if you can't, it's fine to look shy or nervous. (Most likely he or she will find it cute!)
- Don't talk about kissing too much around your special someone—they might think you are trying to force it on them.
- On a first kiss, it's ok to slightly suck your partner's upper or lower lip. (For both guys and girls.)
- Even if you're not Frenching, you can use your tongue a little. The keyword here is "a little!" Less is more.
Have Fun With It! And . . . .
Keep It Private
This goes for the setting! A first kiss is a private affair, and it should happen in a private setting. Don't waste this special moment in front of an audience. Instead, find someplace secluded and quiet so that you both can concentrate on each other. While you are concentrating, remember that no loud theatrics are needed, so keep yourself quiet and controlled as well.
Keep It Short and Sweet
A first kiss should always feel like a preview of more kisses to come. Don't let a first kiss last for hours, and don't attempt to pack all of your feelings into one long-lasting kiss. Instead, keep it short and sweet, and your partner will be dying for more.
Keep It Comfortable
In films, it may seem like a first kiss always follows a monumental announcement of love and a long period of staring into each other's eyes. In real life, the same behavior would be totally embarrassing. If you suspect a first kiss is looming, keep it comfortable and don't allow any grand gestures to get in the way.
Keep It Clean
No, this doesn't mean French kissing is barred. It means that you should both have clean teeth, breath, and lips for a great first kiss. Brush your teeth before your date, and chew a breath mint or flavoured gum after you eat. Apply lip balm, and you should be all set. Just don't continue to chew on mints or gum longer than necessary because you certainly don't want any obstacles in your mouth during your first kiss.
Keep It Choreographed
When couples have been together for a while, their kissing becomes choreographed. Heads both tilt right, eyes closed, lips open, and the kiss is successful. For a first kiss, these variables are all up in the air, and it can be hard to figure out what you should be doing when.
Take your cue from whichever partner initiates the kiss. If you are going in for the kill, tilt your head to one side. If you realise your partner is starting things off, note which way his or her head is tilting, and tilt your head the opposite direction. Close your eyes during every first kiss, and decide in advance whether you are willing to open your mouth or not. Then stop thinking and enjoy it!
First kisses are exciting. Whether it is your first kiss ever or your first kiss with a new partner, there are bound to be butterflies in your stomach and fireworks in your head. Keeping your first kiss short and sweet will make your partner beg for more, and if you play your cards right, that is exactly what you both will get.
Enjoy your first kiss. You only get one, and even if it was bad, it doesn't matter because it was with someone special.