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Why Isn't My Wife Sexually Active?

Updated on December 19, 2016

What to Do?

You’ve discovered after many years of having good to great sex suddenly your wife is turning away from you and you want to know why. Only you and your wife can truly know the answer to that question, but in order to answer this, I will give you some questions to help you discover why the ‘magic’ or ‘spark’ has faded.

With women studies have shown that sex is 90% mental and 10% physical. This means we have to actually like the person we want to have sex with. And the physical side comes in very low compared to everything else. So quit worrying that you don’t have that 8 pack abs you always wanted. It didn’t bother her before, its not going to bother her now. Keep in mind this is about her, not you.

That maturity level of men and women differ greatly. Most women (not all of course) mature fully and continue to do so throughout her life. Most men (not all of course) do not mature beyond the age of 12. Think of your 12 year old self and ask yourself, what are MY differences? Do I still want toys, only bigger and more expensive ones? Am I my only concern? Yes, I have been responsible and have raised or am still raising children and holding down a job, but am I still a bit selfish? Can you see the similarities between your 12 year old self and current?

This article was designed from a poll of women, not just one, of the various things that are on our minds when it comes to sex. This is what we think, these are our thoughts. If it helps for a man to understand what I am doing here, think of it as I am allowing you behind 'enemy lines' to see our defenses. This is not something such as 'Man Bashing', we really want you to understand how we think and feel.

Secrets — From the Mind of a Woman

The biggest thing that you should start with is asking yourself, is she angry? Did you do something real or imagined that could be making her upset with you? I’m not suggest it’s something as simple as forgetting to take out the trash, unless of course for the last 20 years she has had to remind you daily to do so. I am talking something bigger. Have you cheated on her? If you think she does not know about that infidelity, are you sure? Has she suspected you’ve cheated on her? The unknown can wreak havoc on the mind of a woman.

Granted there are some women out there who like ‘angry sex’ but the majority of women who have been in a relationship for years find that wearisome. We get tired of you doing something that makes us mad, then having sex to ‘get over it’.

Have your ideas about sex changed? Are there things you want to do that might repulse her? Do you have a secret stash of nudie magazines or movies that you think you have hidden well? If this is the case, then she may feel you are keeping something from her.

Or possibly, have your ideas about sex NOT changed? Are you doing the same mundane things that you have always done? Is it always the same position? Do you always initiate it the same way? Are you adventurous in bed? Has the adventure gotten lost over the years?

Do you have sex on your mind all the time? The consensus is that the thought of sex passes across a man’s mind every 7 to 14 seconds. If this is the case, are you making sexual innuendos? Do you make comments about sex all the time? Do you stroke the front of your pants and ask, “You want a little of this?” Are you groping inappropriately? Do you grab her boobs or butt in public? When in the beginnings of a relationship this may have seemed fun, but after a while this does get old.

Can you cuddle without ‘humping’ her leg? Are you capable of just laying there for hours on end without the end result being sex? And if you can, are you disappointed because there was no sex? Does she know this?

Do you have children? Is the burden of raising them left on her shoulders? Do you disagree on discipline or punishment? Are your views of housekeeping the same? Do you complain the house is a mess then sit in front of the TV? Complain that there is no clean clothes, yet fail to wash and dry a load of laundry? Does she have a job outside the home? The day to day things that happen in the life of a woman can put a serious drag on her sexual side.

Has she changed physically? Is her butt bigger? Her boobs hang lower? Does she have wrinkles? How about those stretch marks? When you were younger, did this bother you? Did you comment negatively on someone else? Do you continue to do so? Have you changed in your views? If yes, does she know this? Do you complain about her physical attributes? No woman wants to be told her butt is too big, then be told to bend over so you can have your way with her. She has to feel good about herself if you want her to share herself with you.

Is it possible she is having an affair? If so, she has possibly fallen in love with her lover. You will have to do some serious back peddling to get her to fall in love with you again, if that is your wish, or if it is even possible at all.

What You Can Do

If you are no longer having sex or having limited sex with your partner, it doesn’t mean this is the end. It could be the beginning of a wonderful relationship. Sit down and talk to her. Take it completely away from the bedroom while doing this. Go to a park, drive, get away from the house if at all possible. And more than anything listen to her. Listen to what she is not saying as well, her body language will speak volumes. Do not assume that this talk will result in having sex.

Remember she has probably spent years listening to you and giving you what you want, now it’s time for you to reciprocate. If she tells you she wants romance, find a way to give it to her. If she tells you she wants you to kiss her like you mean it, do so. If she tells you she wants more playfulness in bed, that is easy to do. Women are like the ever changing tide, what pleased us years ago, is probably not going to please us now.

Think back to the days when you first fell in love, getting back to that point is not going to be easy, but think of the fun you can have while doing so!

Authors Note

Please keep in mind that I am not a professional counselor, these are my thoughts and ideas that I have garnered from speaking with others regarding this subject.  Reading an article is no substitute for seeking professional help. 


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    • profile image

      Tiredwoman 3 years ago

      What my husband doesn't understand is that women past the age of 45 go through menopause and don't feel sexually active. Sometimes we just want a kiss and cuddle in bed but unfortunately my husband thinks I want something else. If I don't give him what he wants he gets angry and says that I'm sleeping around or I had enough sex before our marriage that I'm tired now. (we've been married for 19 years now by the way).

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 4 years ago from Michigan

      @ TyeshaMatthews - I am so sorry to hear of your woes. Here is a question for you. When he tells you of his sexual exploits does he get aroused and possibly begin to masturbate? If that is the case then he may want or need verbal stimulation. It doesn't necessarily have to be the truth, just a 'sexy story'. Give that a try, maybe just give him a story to see if he gets aroused. Or he may get pleasure from telling you a story. If he does get aroused ask him to tell you a story then take full advantage of his arousal with the new tricks you have learned!!

      Best of Luck to you!!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 4 years ago from Michigan

      @ dagny roth - I had to agree with you! Marriage and sex should be fun. Those therapists have something there when they suggest 'date night' for married couples. I think a good successful marriage not only includes communication but a willingness to change to suit each other and also being able to retain one's own self. After all they fell in love with the original 'you'. If you were fun and playful in the beginning and no longer are, then of course there will be problems. If you've lost it, find a way to get it back.

    • TyeshaMatthews profile image

      Tyesha Sewer- Matthews 4 years ago from MOSS POINT, MS

      I am 23 and he is 25. He has been sexually active since he was 14, I was 18. He tells me stories about past sexual experiences and it seems he was having fun then. Some nights I just roll over and cry myself to sleep because he treats sex like a job and not a pleasure. I have cousins that are exotic dancers and they have taught me things. He never pays it attention. We need something to pop like popcorn soon. We even visited the sex shop last weekend and I told him what I wanted. He took it wrong again.

    • dagny roth profile image

      dagny roth 4 years ago from Neverland

      Nice Hub! I agree on so many points. I think also couples forget to "flirt" and "tease" one another. Sex becomes a schedule that gets checked off right alongside groceries and taking out the trash. I think if couples introduce more spontaneity and provide each other with flirtations like they did when they first met, the sex ususally gets better. Women like the game and enjoy being chased and/or chasing. If marriage becomes fun and full of playfulness, sex should be too!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
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      Sweetsusieg 4 years ago from Michigan

      Sometimes men have a deep pride when it comes to sex. If you say anything other than ohhh and ahhh they think they are being criticized. Have you tried showing him what you want? Silk handkerchiefs come in pretty handy in the bedroom when paired with bedposts. If he is willing, tie him up and do to him what you wish. Be the aggressor, sometimes in the male world the men are so worn out from being the aggressor all day (in their field of work), at the end of the day they want their partner to do that for them.

      Best of Luck!!

    • TyeshaMatthews profile image

      Tyesha Sewer- Matthews 4 years ago from MOSS POINT, MS

      I have a decline in sexual activity because my husband isn't too into new things. I believe that every time man and wife have sex, it should be like opening up presents on Christmas. You never want to receive the same gift twice. He and I have talked about it but he takes it as if I am saying the sex is bad, Its just I know everything he is about to do. I get tired of Trying to be teach him what I need. Help me.

    • trusouldj profile image

      trusouldj 4 years ago from Indiana

      Hmmm ....

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan

      Sexist? Explain where it is sexist? The title "Why isn't my wife sexually active" says what it is about. If you want to read about men - look to the article "Why isn't my man sexually active"... This way there are two sides to the coin.

    • profile image

      doesnt matter 5 years ago

      this is such a sexist article. how do You expect me to want to read the rest after the first couple paragraphs?

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
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      Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan

      I think that would be a question better posed to your wife. Give her a choice in the decision. Maybe she can enlighten you as to why she does not want to have sex with you.

      Best wishes!

    • profile image

      Les 5 years ago

      You have, obviously never been in the situation. She just does not want sex. Dol I look somewhere else and keep the marriage going. It's been 10 years now.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan

      I'm terribly sorry you feel that way, but no, it is not a man bash blog. It was an honest answer to a question that I was asked. There are many variables in the mind of a woman and I just touched on a few in this. I do not have all of the answers, but as a couple the two of you do. Communication is the key in any relationship, if you don't have that, you will have confusion and bitterness.

      Best of luck to you both!!

    • profile image

      kevin 5 years ago

      what a load of crap this is Ive done everything for her & still nothing,laundry,making dinner ,kids a bath,kids to bed ,bubble baths,notes around the house &car,tryed everything &this just sounds like a man bash blog !!!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
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      Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan

      Thanks!!

    • ajayshah2005 profile image

      ajayshah2005 5 years ago from Mid Asia

      Great hub!good tips for men for longer relationship.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan

      Thanks! I hope it has been of some help that is for sure!!

    • blairtracy profile image

      blairtracy 5 years ago from Canada

      Great hub. I am sure it will/has been of use to many people.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
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      Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan

      I can understand the holistic aspect of what your wife wants, and yes it is available. You may have do some internet searches to find a Natural Food store. Most of the proprietors are fairly proficient in the vitamins that are available and what they are used for. Just ask!! They will be sure to help you.

    • profile image

      Rick 5 years ago

      I have suggested that perhaps we should seek professional help but she argues that this is common in women and most women do not like sex. She is very much against conventional medicine and will not consider anything that is not homeopathic. I have to support her and cannot push her to do anything she is not interested in exploring.

      If you know of any good professionals in the DC or Northern Virgina Area, I will gladly give them a call and pursue this option.

      I can't imagine us apart after working so hard for 12 years and finding so much happiness and joy in every other aspect of our marriage.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
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      Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan

      Rick, You sound like a terrific guy and I am sure your wife wants to feel sexual stimulation towards you but doesn't have the 'drive'. It may be a hormone imbalance that she is suffering from. Having 5 children does take a lot of of a woman's body, this comes from experience of my own body having had 5 children in a 10 year time period.

      You might want to have her speak to her Doctor, there may be some sort of hormone therapy that he could suggest.

      Whenever normal body functions are not working properly it is my firm belief that the first step is with your family physician.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on here and explain your situation fully. I hope for your sale as well as your wife that things are able to work themselves out for you both. It would be sad for a terrific relationship to break up over an issue that might be easily resolved at the Dr's office.

      Blessings on the two of you!

    • profile image

      Rick 5 years ago

      Susie,

      I read your hub and the comments that followed. I share in your opinion and insight as to the things that makes us (men) unable to see past our own mistakes. I love my wife and I went through each of your points. I have managed to grow and learn from listening to her, but I realize after 12 years that there's something else that is not revealed. My wife and I talk, share, work together on the kids, the home, the finances and our goals. We are each other's best friends, we enjoyso much of the same stuff and still allow each other some individual space. She is the mother of our 5 children and she is a hard working stay-at-home mom. She is amazing and wonderful in every way. Yet, she has not sex drive. I have listened and adapted all of the necessary changes so she will feel safe and secure. Comfortable and loved. Not in a sexual way, but in an emotional way. In an intellectual way. I try to make love to her without ever looking to actually have sexual intercouse. I get involved in the things she loves and the talk about what she likes. I don't just hel around the house, I am an active partner in the house duties. I don't watch sports, I don't play golf and I don't have habits that detract me from the joy of being with my wife and kids. We cook together, we fold clothers (sometimes together and sometimes on our own), we both nurture our children and give them lots of love and affection. Yet, she is not affectionate with me.

      I have asked her to let me know if she is just not attracted or if it is something physical. She confirms that she is very attracted to me. She thinks about me in a sexual way (no the way I do) when I am not home or at times when it is not feasible. I told her that it would be ok to share with me if she is not attracted to me. I know she is because she does seem to feel confused about why she is not sexually interested.

      We talk about this in depth and we are both out of reasons. She truly wants to feel more pleasure but it is not that she can't "feel me" or she is not stimulated. She just does not think of sex as a way to express or show love.

      It is bad that I say this, but I am an attractive (military man) who is in good health and believe me that with five kids, I stay in shape even when I don't run 10 miles a week.

      We go on weekly dates, we nurture our relationship in every other way. I support her time off every week. In fact, she goes on a weekly trip once a year and I stay at home with the kids. I make sure she does not feel guilty about buying herself new clothes or anything she loves. I compliment her on her body and despite her own self-criticism, I tell her why I think her stretch marks are a part of the beuty she she encompasses. By the way, she is a gorgeous woman wiuth a terrific body, but she focuses on the details and the inperfections. She works out at home (when she cans) and I encourage her. I take time and effort to not just say you look great in that green shirt, but I tell her that the color highlights her beautiful eyes and the way the shirts is tailored around her chest makes her look desirable but classy. I comment on how the size (Small or xsmall) is perfect for her frame because is hugs her figure and it shows the definition on her shoulders. I go in to detail when she gets a hair cut on how it may lay in layers along her porfile and how it thins her face accentuating her facial fatures.

      I know she loves me and tells me how wonderful I am but when it comes to be desired by her (sexually) it just does not happen.

      I am not without my faults. I don't compare myself to other men or compare her to other women, but when do you stop trying and tell yourself this is not going to work.

      As a man, I don't just want to have sex, though it does satisfy the animal in me, I want to feel loved and wanted. I want her to look at me with the same desire I tell myself to have for her. I could simply stop telling myself (mentally) to just settle and let it be, but I know she enjoys feeling wanted and feeling like a pricess. Don't you thin we also feel like feeling like kings? When is it fair to expect that our spouses put the same effort that we put to make sure they feel special. I know most of us don't think this way or apply the principles you mentioned above, but I do. I have done everything and I am all ears to anyone out there who would like to tell me to do more. I will do more a thousand time over. I can assure you I have tried everything.

      So, though I am grateful for your insight and for sharing your perspective into women, I find that I have worked and tried everything. I am still willing to continue to try.

      How do I get my wife to learn to enjoy sex and let me provide her with more and more pleasure. How do you fight against a mental block like that though she agrees she does not know how to change....

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
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      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      You'd think since I wrote this my hubby would have taken notes.. Alas, it is not to be... As a man he thinks he knows my mind, all I have to say about that is HAHAHAHAHA... No one knows my mind but me, then that is questionable sometimes!!

    • Ashley Gray profile image

      Ashley Gray 6 years ago from Colorado

      You could not be more right in this hub! I really enjoyed reading this! All men should read it! :)

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Thanks!! So glad you enjoyed!

    • hemorrhoidremedy profile image

      hemorrhoidremedy 6 years ago

      It`s quite educative to read your articles.More ink to your pen.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it. What a nice compliment as well.. Blessings to you!

    • Sun-Girl profile image

      Sun-Girl 6 years ago from Nigeria

      A wonderful and a great fascinating article you really have in here which i so much enjoyed and learnt a lot from just like the other articles of yours i have come in contact with. Nice hub, cheers.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Thank you! I hope it helps you to understand the mind of the woman!

    • profile image

      L.A.Jones 6 years ago

      I never seen before post like that, i'm fully agree with you, thanks for nice post

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
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      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      LOL, Now that brought on a good laugh!!

    • lmfryett profile image

      lmfryett 6 years ago from Montana

      I am glad to know that my husband isn't the only one out there that acts 12!

    • muvhen profile image

      muvhen 6 years ago from northants

      yes the comments are awesome, you need your wife to engage in some extra foreplay and dressing up always help

    • RSBrauer profile image

      RSBrauer 6 years ago

      I would say that more important than anything a woman needs to feel safe, relaxed, and trusting before she will truly open up sexually. Men on the other hand get excited by a few scantly clad images!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Big Serious - The comments are great aren't they! I do enjoy them.

      Maria - Glad you enjoyed it!

      Thank you both for stopping by!

    • profile image

      Maria 6 years ago

      Thank you this is a great hub I enjoyed

    • BigSerious profile image

      Christen Roberts Comer 6 years ago from Harrisburg, PA

      I think the comments are just as informative as the hub! thank you. all of you! :)

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      We now have taken to quoting movies when he does something ummm, dumb.. he then says "Do I make you horny, baby" ( Austin Powers) It must be that 'look' on my face that causes him to say that. The other night he was rip-roaring to go, I was exhausted (babies, cleaning, laundry etc..) he says "I can see that your not in the mood" I laughed and replied... "Well after all, it isn't Saturday night"...

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Yep, I laugh too, but it certainly isn't seductive, and only makes any resulting sex an exercise to humour him!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      @ Misty - I'll have to check out your Hub... My husband has learned the innuendos do nothing for me.. well sometimes I laugh, but it certainly doesn't make me feel sexy.. LOL

      @ tysanders - I hope the realizations were helpful!!

      Thank you both for stopping by!

    • tysanders profile image

      tysanders 6 years ago from Atlanta, Ga

      Your article is very insightful. I am a woman and I'm not as interested in the sexual side of my relationship as I was in the beginning. Your article made me realize some things about myself. Very good!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Great Hub Sweetsusieg, I love the line "are you making sexual innuendos? Do you make comments about sex all the time?". Afraid I have been trying to point this out to the Hubby for the last 2 years or so. It is so NOT a turn on!

      Can't remember now, but did you read my Hub on "how often do you and your partner have sex.....honestly?". There are some polls on it that have some very interesting results if you fancy a read.... or just a vote.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      That is very sad. Yes, pain can play a large part of a woman who doesn't want to have sex. Not that she doesn't want to, but that it's painful for her to do so. It's difficult for a man to understand that sort of pain.

      Thanks for stopping by!

    • Marie-Renee profile image

      Renee 6 years ago

      Just read our hub and it is very informative. Do want to share something that a friend of mine experienced.

      She suffered a trauma while giving birth and almost died and since then making love was a bit painful for her, according to her it was remembering all the pain she experienced that was making her tensed when she and her hubby were making love. The doctor explained to both of them that it was but natural and it could take some time. Her hubby couldn't understand and felt she didn't lover him anymore. They separated but after several years she did get over the fear but too late.

      Had her hubby been patient enough to understand her fears then it could have turned out better for them. Your right when you say it is important to have open communication the same way that maturity plays a crucial role in relationship. I mean one can open up but then would the other understand?

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

    • Debvill12 profile image

      Debvill12 6 years ago from Iowa

      Hello Sweets; I gave you an Awesome vote, on your hub because I was very impressed with so many opened ideas, and opinions. Thanks for sharing it. Deb

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      LOL I'm afraid you may have misunderstood...I never said that women were smart and men were 12. I said that Emotionally men do not mature beyond the age of 12 (most of them). I never said it was all men, nor did I say that all women are mature. It's a majority of both. Yes, it can go both ways.

      Personally I have met some women who are extremely immature and some men who are very mature. It is the majority that I am referring to in this Hub, rather than the minority.

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting!

    • profile image

      sea4 6 years ago

      Dashingscorpio has it right, and I beleive its more of a people thing than a woman is smart and a man is 12 years old. Not every person man or woman has Emotional intelligence. There are lot of woman who cannot relate or act in a childish manner as well. In every book I have read on this subject it will tell you that this problem can go both ways.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      I'm sorry you're going thru your troubles. Have you sought counseling together? Sometimes an outsider might be able to help you see the problem and give pointers to help fix it. If your marriage is something you want to work on then maybe counseling is something the two of you should seek.

      Blessings!

    • profile image

      Enough! 6 years ago

      Is there a man who can accept marriage (his wife) without sex (it stops and never starts again)? Wondering if he exists. Wish mine would stop offering to leave and find another mate cause i wont comply :(

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      KLeichester - Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

      ThussaysNanaMarie - Thank you!

      Thank you both for stopping by and commenting.

    • ThussaysNanaMarie profile image

      ThussaysNanaMarie 6 years ago from In my oyster

      Well done! Very interesting

    • profile image

      KLeichester 6 years ago

      Nice post. Good to read.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Thanks for stopping by Clare! I tried putting in all the questions that would make me not want to have sex and these are what I came up with (along with talking to my female friends and their concerns)

    • profile image

      Clare 6 years ago

      I think it is always important that you always make sure that you observe the action of your wife about this. Try to do some exciting things that can spicy up your activity as wife and husband. If someone is reading my comment, i suggest you ask yourself about the questions of Sweetsusieg. I am sure you will fine the answer.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
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      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      LOL, Well this question was asked by someone on the 'answer' part of HubPages. Being a woman and having women friends, this subject has from time to time come up. So I felt with a certain degree of accuracy I could answer this question.

    • AutumnLockwood profile image

      AutumnLockwood 6 years ago from Northern California

      This is really scary. I can't imagine myself losing sexual interest with my husband. LOL

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Yes, you bring up some very valid points. Thanks you for stopping by and commenting.

    • jehara profile image

      jehara 6 years ago

      A wife who does not achieve orgasm would knowingly or unknowingly begin to loose interest in marital sex; this continued loss of interest would ultimately but gradually lead to this dreaded state of inadequate intimacy. Therefore,the single most effective way of remedying lack of intimacy in a marital union is by working towards adequate sexual satisfaction for both parties during each sexually encounter. In most cases, the responsibility of realizing this would often lie on the husband, he has to fine tune his sexual act so as to ensure that his wife achieves orgasms each and every time they are engaged in the sexual act or better still, each and every time that he intends to ejaculate.

      It is important to note that every sexually active woman is capable of not just one but multiple supremely explosive orgasms when ever she is sexually stimulated, therefore, there should be no reason why your wife's case should be different. There are a few other steps which would help you to work on your wife but just know that it can and will happen if you would just take a little time out and understand how the female orgasm works.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      It sounds like it is the appropriate time to seek counseling for the two of you. Don't wait for her to make the appointment, you do it. Then let her know that it is imperative that the two of you go together. Your counselor may wish to see the two of you separately as well as together, to be able to get to the bottom of the problem/s.

      If she is unwilling to work on this then you will have to make a decision, and ask yourself "How important is Sex" in your marriage. I wish you the best!

    • profile image

      doinwithout 6 years ago

      I'm trying to figure out what she could be angry about. I often think this is it. And she stubbornly will not talk about the lack of sexual intimacy between us. She turns her back on it--literally. I've tried to initiate converstations to open up the topic and atmosphere by getting her to agree to use a book to focus our discussion--but she won't pull the book out from the bottom drawer. So. Now what?

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Glad you agree John! LOL

    • JohnBarret profile image

      JohnBarret 6 years ago

      Absolutely right, u r absolutely right.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Cheating - but not in the 'normal' fashion... shall we say his preferences may have changed. Not a guaranteed thing, but it does happen. And happens entirely more often than women want to believe.

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

      OK, I'll take the bait--affair? cheating? I just bought a book on the subject and frankly, that is the OBVIOUS assumption, however, according to the two doctors who wrote the book, NOT the usual reason.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      If I did, you probably wouldn't like the answer... Yes, there are reason's they don't... And it isn't pretty.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Hmmm, I think you should do one on why a guy stops having sex with his partner to follow this one.

    • hjayat profile image

      hjayat 6 years ago from Mexico

      Hello:

      I believe we all marriage couples need to explore new things. Husband .. Does your wife has male friends over the messengers or social networks. Does he makes you feel bad.

      I let my wife to have friends and boyfriends on messengers. This has help us to revive the sparks and we enjoy having sex again.

      Cyber sex has not to be bad.

      talk with your wife, ask her about her fantasies, try to make them come true. Let you wife feel like a teenager again.

      Wel, I got to go but this is my email if you or anybody want to keep talking about this great theme.

      hejaes2009@gmail.com

      Best Regards

      Hector

    • profile image

      chubatemjen 6 years ago

      very informative...understand each other and having the time for each other pays !

    • profile image

      Detective 6 years ago

      Make sure your wife didn't have any affair. if it does, then you have to find out why it's happening, why she choose to do so. After you learn everything about your mistake then find a new girlfriend. Make sure you don't do the mistake twice. O.o... happy boy and happy girl. Both happy now.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      @ Tom_Radford - to answer your question I learned it in Psychology.

      triosol - Thank you

      Thanks you both for reading and commenting

    • triosol profile image

      triosol 6 years ago

      Very Informative hubs. Like ur Hub very much.

    • Tom_Radford profile image

      Tom_Radford 6 years ago from London

      Some good points in here and some unusual ones. 12? You have some research to back this up? My understanding was that it was more like 18-21.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      No Robert, I do not 'know it all' I am a female and I have female friends. This is complied from what I have gleaned from us all.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • profile image

      robert 6 years ago

      well to me after reading this,it looks like little ms.Sweetusieg is suffering from know it all diesase.

    • Rowlycool profile image

      Rowlycool 6 years ago from Lagos,Nigeria

      Nice one from you,i've learned alot from it and i will definitely pass it to someone else.

    • profile image

      throw pillows 6 years ago

      A lot of the romance is lost or faded as time goes by, it's true. Many men and women lose their romantic spontaneity. it seems to dull with age or something. That's why I think you should get into a good sexy fight and throw some pillows at each other until you re-ignite that romantic lust... I mean it should work.

    • profile image

      modern furniture 6 years ago

      If your wife isn't sexually active it could be because she's married to you. Great hub! Nice work!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Her giving you herpes certainly isn't your fault.

      This was directed in reasons why some women seem disinterested in sex after a period of time. The last part does suggest that maybe the woman was having an affair. Is this the case?

      Maybe she had herpes and sex was painful, but was afraid to go see the obgyn. Try taking her out someplace neutral and talking with her.

      This was not an accusatory article, it was directed to ask questions of yourself and your partner.

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

    • profile image

      SirHeinsohn 6 years ago

      Interesting that in answer to the subject "Why women lose interest in sex, most of the comments place the blame on the man. ten years ago, my wife told me that sex no longer intested her. hours of talks and counselling later, (she refused to see an obgyn,)she severely restricted access to the playpen. BUT, she just gave me herpes. hmm. what part of this is my fault?

    • profile image

      Constanta 6 years ago

      Nice hub and great work!

      Thank you!

      Best regards!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Thank you - Glad you enjoyed it!

    • profile image

      ankigarg87 6 years ago

      Friend very nice hub.Great work done

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      rhtruels - Thanks for noticing the spelling error, but you didn't tell me what it is, I can't fix it if I don't know.

    • profile image

      rhtrules 6 years ago

      Gr8 work Sweetsusieg.one spelling error.plz improve this in ur next hubs.thanks for this hub

    • jeanie.stecher profile image

      jeanie.stecher 6 years ago from Seattle

      I agree with you Susie. I think that sexual relationship with a partner fades as years go by. This is probably so because husband and wives are more focused on their careers or busy attending to their kids. When at home, tired and exhausted. For me, it is best that husbands and wives should have a week off for them to bond again.

    • messerc123 profile image

      messerc123 6 years ago from El Paso, Texas

      Great hub, by the time I get home, help with homework, get a load of laundry on and start dinner, I'm too exhausted to even think about sex, boy am I tired lol

    • nikmaya62 profile image

      nikmaya62 6 years ago

      I thinks sex is the key of relationship quality after married. Good job Sweet, thanks for sharing.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Does that mean you won't have sex with your wife? I'm not sure I understand your comment.

    • profile image

      hitalot 6 years ago

      Thank you but I have strong Catholic beliefs now against sex !

    • PZigney profile image

      PZigney 6 years ago

      Hah so that explains it. Very informative hub. Thanks.

    • profile image

      tainahiteys 6 years ago

      Sexually active" is a confusing term to determine, yes. I have a quick solution; when you are sexually active you are opening up your body to various disease, viruses, and bacteria.

      http://noxedgewarning.com/

    • ROMANCER OF LIFE profile image

      ROMANCER OF LIFE 6 years ago from Honolulu, Hawaii

      It's funny you wrote a hub realting to a lot of us today... I have guys that ask me that all the time. I usually tell them that guys aren't the only ones that need something to turn them on, woman usually need to be turned on to and it's usually mentally. Something their not doing to spark a woman's interest. Thanks for sharing such great hub!

    • profile image

      alexgw 6 years ago

      Nice hub. When I see the headline I never thought you will write this much deep. Well a lot of points to think and correct. Thanks

    • profile image

      Eva 6 years ago

      There are other things that might have caused women's sex drive to suddenly disappear: Stress, menopause, suspicions of infidelity. But if something triggered a lack of trust for any reason three years ago, that might certainly lead to anger and an end of intimacy.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      LOL @ schoolgirlforreal I hope no one is desperate! But thanks for reading!

      royalblkrose - I did cover that 7th paragraph 2nd capsule.

      Vigaplus - I'm sorry to hear that you're too lazy to make your relationship work, or that we as women are a headache. One of two things could happen, either you will get divorced a lot, or both of you may become unhappy..

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 6 years ago from USA

      Great hub, excellent tips ,should help many men with an open mind, or desperate, either way useful!

    • royalblkrose profile image

      royalblkrose 6 years ago from florida

      great topic, great insight.. one thing or group of things you forgot to mention... housework! If you have kids and are both working... is SHE the one doing all the housework?

      Raising a family is a job in and OF itself and to go to a job, then come home and take care of kids and do dishes, and cook, and do MORE dishes, and laundry... and plan for the next day's meals and activities... and he wants to do what?

    • profile image

      Vigaplus 6 years ago

      Great Hub looks like you put a lot of effort in this. I am 32 years old & married for 3 years maybe I am to lazy or I believe the ever changing tide of a womans emotions you refer to is one big headache.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image
      Author

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Thank you both for reading and commenting. Both of your ideas are worth looking into!