Dedicated to Miles whose work inspired me to write this article.
A Womanizer From a Woman's Perspective
A womanizer doesn't have to be the derogatory term it is commonly considered. For any gender, sexual promiscuity should not inherently imply negative stereotypes. But unfortunately, because so many men considered to be womanizers have historically achieved casual encounters by being deceptive, this is often still treated as the only approach. And it doesn't have to be.
Women have become sexually liberated in recent decades. As individual in their sexuality as men are, and as equal on the playing field, women too are entitled to desiring casual intimacy without the expectations of a committed relationship resulting. Therefore, deception is not necessary.
Let's be fair guys, no one appreciates being misled into bed. Getting hopes up can not only be really disappointing, but it can leave a lady feeling inadequate about herself. Like, why wasn't she good enough to see again? Don't do it. It's not nice. You can be a gentleman and a womanizer at the same time. In fact, being a gentleman will make you more successful as a womanizer! I'll explain how.
How to Pick Up the Right Woman
If you are merely seeking a casual encounter, it is fair to find someone who is open to the same. Deep attraction to personality or values is not the purpose of the game, so why begin with it? Start by approaching someone you are physically attracted to and aim to learn if they are interested in the same scenario you are.
A polite introduction is always appreciated over cheesy pickup lines. Go for something as simple as "Hi! My name is... I think you're beautiful!" An ideal reaction will be accompanied by certain body language. Closed arms and legs indicate she is not interested, while a smile and a "thank you!" mean you're right to move on to ask if you may get her number, take her on a date, or even join her in her current activity.
At the first available opportunity, you should begin to probe what sort of relationship she's hoping for. A good way to establish whether she's out for a good time or a long time. Because if she's looking for Mr Right and you're not it, pursuing a one-nighter can end uncomfortably for both of you. Better to be transparent and honest about your intentions from the get-go. This gives her the opportunity to consent to the situation so she won't have false expectations.
A key element to successfully commencing a casual encounter is to start with an offer she'd be reluctant to decline. A lot of men offer to buy her a drink and leave it at that. A lot of women might accept a drink but knock you back otherwise. Instead, invite her to join you on a lovely date and be confident in doing so. Perhaps a 'few drinks or meal' somewhere really nice, followed by 'a movie at your place', maybe 'a massage' or even snazzier if you can afford a 'fancy hotel with a hot tub' (with champagne sounds nice). The more romantic and extravagant your offer the less likely she is to decline!
On the Date
Once you're on the date, it's important to keep up the momentum. Be chivalrous. Open doors for her and walk on the road side of the street. Be polite and kind toward her. Flatter her, give her compliments. Pay her way. You don't have the time of an extended relationship to work on impressing her, so make the most out of the time you do have. She doesn't have to be in love with you by the end of the evening but it helps if she likes you a lot by then!
You're not in this for the long run. So there's no point getting to know each other that well. In fact, revealing something about yourself she might not like risks souring the vibe. And vice versa. The purpose of this is to make her like you for the night, maybe even enough to do it again sometime. Keep the conversation casual and stay away from talking about your personal lives too much.
Throughout the night it's important to get increasingly hands-on. By this I mean start small. Touch her hand, maybe try to hold it? Place an arm around her. Progress to more intimate touches like sweeping hair away from her face or touching her necklace if she's wearing one. Be wary of her body language whilst doing so and if she doesn't seem to like it, stop. You can blow it if you overdo it.
Remember, permission is important. If you are ready to initiate physical intimacy, verbal consent is where to begin. So start by asking for her permission to touch her and take it from there. If circumstances are right (ie you have made a good impression so far, have privacy and she agreed to intimacy), you can progress from there. The rest is up to you.
Leaving It At That
If you are successful and have intercourse, you will then have options on how to leave things. You can never see her again, see her for more of the same or perhaps she was worth changing your mind about being a womanizer and you wish to pursue something more.
Never seeing her again is fine. You just have to be clear that that's what you want on departure. You should have covered this ground upfront from the beginning, so it shouldn't be awkward. A nice way of leaving things is to thank her for the memories, compliment her some more and wish her well.
If you wish to have more than one casual encounter with them, tell them. Casually, without implying anything further say something like, "This was great, I had a lot of fun! Can we do it again sometime?" If you gave her a good enough time, she'll want to.
If by any random chance it turns into more than you expected, and you want more than just the night with her, then it's something you should definitely say to her before parting ways. However, after having discussed initial intentions at the beginning, you'll have to be understanding if she doesn't reciprocate those feelings.
In any of these scenarios, it's imperative that you maintain your charm. Make sure she gets home safely. And if you part ways in the morning, be sure to offer her breakfast and perhaps a clean shirt. Not only will she feel good about your encounter, she just might tell her friends, and good reviews are never a bad thing!
I'd like to dedicate this article to Miles. Had his written work on becoming a womanizer not been so objectifying and offensive to both genders, I'd have never been inspired to write this piece.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Stephanie Purser