Who knows how to kiss a girl better than another girl? Gentlemen, you know exactly what I know—a woman's lips are softer, smaller, and more beautiful than your own.
And those women's lips have their own needs, which are not exactly the same as yours. What I've gathered from talking to scores of women about their experiences with boyfriends and potential boyfriends—even with their husbands—is that many men would benefit from a few instructions from someone who's been on both the giving and the receiving end of kissing a woman's lips.
Expert Advice on Kissing: From a Woman for Women
1. Relax your lips.
You don't need stop the sweaty palms, the beating heart, the worries in your head about how she'll respond to the first kiss. Just relax those lips! Just like you, a woman appreciates that first soft touch.
If your pucker-muscles are already in gear, she'll feel like she's run into a wall. Will she notice? If every other man she's dated has started with hard lips, what she'll notice is that you have started the kiss out right where all others have failed.
2. Lips are not always the best first "target."
I love to kiss my girl just above the middle of her eyebrows, like there's something special about that spot, as if I've studied her entire face and found something special about every bit of it. Hold her close, lean in (the target is obviously not her lips so she won't be tense) and place a kiss almost as soft as a butterfly right between her eyebrows, then back out again, and make eye-contact.
Other spots go well for "first-contact," too. Think about the "slow-dance kiss," that one where you're cheek to cheek and you turn your lips up against the softness of her cheek. It'll leave her wondering if it was a kiss or not. It doesn't matter, but it makes her feel good. Don't kiss the tip of her nose the first time around, though. That's the sort of thing you do to a child, not a woman.
3. Go slow.
Once you've reached her lips, spend a little time letting those soft lips of yours brush against hers. There's a reason "his lips brushed against hers" is a phrase found in many romance novels. That slowness is much sexier than "a moment later, his tongue was in every corner of her mouth."
4. Know when it's time for tongue.
Try lip-nibbles first. Use your relaxed lips to nibble or gently tug at hers. This gives you both a chance to open your mouths just a little bit. Remember, she's wondering if you're going to kiss and if it's going to be a good one. An open mouth is a step in the process and it deserves its rightful place between the closed-mouth kiss and the more intimate kiss. If her mouth doesn't open, back off. Look into her eyes again. See how she appears to be feeling, and if you're not sure, there's no harm in asking in a gentle voice.
5. Use the tongue properly.
Okay, you seem to have the go-ahead for tongue. Perhaps she even initiated that part. One very important thing to hold in mind, gentleman (and please, I'm not trying to insult you, it's just that I've heard it too many times), is that your tongue is not your . . . you know. Thrusting it in and out is not sexy. Not now, anyway. You might be able to try that when things are a little more hot and heavy, for a short time at least. Dart your tongue in and out, once. Pause, then do it again. Get inventive—take her lip between your tongue and lip, gently, and let it slide free. Then go for it, gently.
6. Listen to her body language.
From here on out, it's up to you. Yep, the build-up is all I can tell you about, because from there, it's all about listening to her. Does her breathing speed up or slow down? Tiny little noises in her throat? On the other hand, is she trying to please you?
If she seems aggressive, she might be, but maybe she's just trying to be to you what her last boyfriend expected her to be—a tongue-sucking servant to his ham-handed, infantile techniques. If it's a first kiss and she's not taking your lead by going slow, do your best to check in with her, and make sure she's going fast or harder because she wants to. (I know checking in is easier for women to do with other women but I can't help you there. Good luck. )
7. When should you stop?
Well, you should always follow her lead. If it seems like she wants to stop, then it's time to stop. But you might want to think of this as a minute-long pulse. Come in close, open-mouth, then tongue, then enjoy for a minute, then gradually back out. If she really wants to kiss for longer, she'll let you know!
But no one's nerves are going to stay sensitive for long under the same stimulation. She'll probably feel more stimulated if you take a break, take a breath, hold her close and/or look into her eyes. By all means, go in for a kiss again. This time, you can go straight to steps four and five.
Other Ideas on How to Make Kissing Extra Special
If you find that you're in a long kissing-only make-out session, you might want to throw in a little worship of her entire beautiful face. Kiss her eyebrows, her forehead, her earlobes. Kiss her cheekbones, the smile-line at the corner of her mouth.
Take your time. Her lips will be all the more eager when you finally get there. When you're going into a very slow love-making session, and you have a moment where you're leaning over her, both of you ready to kiss, run your tongue against the edge of her lips so lightly that all you touch is the tiny hairs that grow at the edge. It's very stimulating.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
GENE on September 08, 2020:
kaylie on February 04, 2020:
i want to kiss my girlfriend for valentines when i go over to her house. i dont want to make it awkward so hopefully it will be natural. plus its my first kiss lol
Colby on November 26, 2019:
I'm in middle school (still), and I'm a proud lesbian, but my girlfriend is still mostly closeted. I want to kiss her...in public too since we never seem to get any alone time. What do I do?!??!?!?
millee on August 24, 2019:
i am new to this but i am lesbian i am 16 year old my girlfriend is 18 year old we just start date and i kiss in front the ever butting in my class
Yvonne Mogeni on April 01, 2019:
thanks for this article helped alot
Anon on November 29, 2018:
I love my girlfriend so much... I want consent so badly but I'm not gonna push. Thanks for the article, I hope she says yes!
Kyle on October 08, 2018:
Thanks for your tips but i'm a kid my Friend is a lesbian and so am i we kissed for one second and i want to kiss her longer than that.
Maddison on August 25, 2018:
So i just started 7th grade 2 weeks ago. Now me and this new student, Alex, me and her started dating on friday. So i want to get time to kiss her and how to do it. This has helped me figure out how to kiss Alex now. ☺☺
Hdhdurbdnm on May 22, 2018:
So me and my friend are going to kiss because we wonder what it’s like to kiss a girl but I’m really scared
Vannessa on May 18, 2018:
I am a lesbian. I already kissed my girlfriend though. But it was a little pat. This will help me go farther then last time, if you know what I mean
Keira on May 15, 2018:
We tried this and now we are having sex! Me and my BFF sexy
Lark on March 29, 2018:
Yea.... I am a girl and my bff and I want to kiss but we don’t know how to start.. this really helps!
Yumi on February 25, 2018:
So I started dating my girlfriend on Thursday, she said she's fast in relationships. Does that mean I can go in for the kiss?
Emma on January 29, 2018:
So, my girlfriend is...odd... how do I know when she is ready to kiss me? Should I wait until she makes a move or do I approach and hope for the best?
Jessica on January 21, 2018:
I have a girlfriend at the moment we started dating a week ago and I want to know how to approach to her
bambam on January 15, 2018:
sooooo my girlfriend was my BFF but now we are together and it's like i would love to kiss er... i mean i have but only on the cheek so like how do i know when its the right moment????
pamzoo on October 22, 2017:
Am lesbian end i want to kiss my new girlfriend. she was my friend before so now its awkward a little how do i kiss her?
saranghe on June 20, 2017:
might be helpful