My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
Let's keep it real, as women we think that we sound more "lady like" (less promiscuous) if we deny ever watching porn (or owning a vibrator). Really?!
The reality is ladies, when you are single or just need some "me" time vibrators alone don't always do the trick. Sometimes, visual stimulation is also imperative to get the "job" done. We have our needs too and why should we feel bad for admitting it?
Adult films can be fun to watch, however there is a difference between women who watch them for added thrill and men who believe these adult films to be the reality...
Women can takeaway things that are intriguing or sexy to incorporate in to their sex lives. Whereas, some men, will assume everything they watch is what "good" sex is supposed to be like, therefore taking what they see literally and putting it into action.
Don't get me wrong, there are some men who can watch porn and take away just enough to create excitement and desire in the bedroom. However, there are other men who are complete rookies—thinking that what they see in porn should be put into motion or added in to their permanent sex play-by-play handbook. Yikes!
Yes, watching porn is not only entertaining, it is also extremely sexual, a fantasy world of sexual desire and intrigue. However, just like in Vegas, what happens in Vegas (porn) should stay in Vegas (porn).
Here's the thing guys, don't assume everything you see in porn is what women want...
Often, men who tend to watch a great deal of porn or even guys who have watched porn at a young age, will start to assume that what they view in these adult films is what a woman actually wants and enjoys in the bedroom. Believe me, most of the time that is far from true.
It is important to never assume what a woman wants or likes when it comes to anything, especially sex. If you are not sure, ask her first. Sex in porn "movies"—nine out of ten times—is fantasy sex, not reality. It is created to excite you in different ways. Unfortunately, porn can also negatively entice—creating false illusions of what sex "should" be like—leaving some men always seeking more. These illusions lead to delusions.
Let's be honest, not all the things viewed in porn are necessarily bad...
Sure there are a few positions and ways to sexually stimulate a woman that can be intriguing and possibly enjoyable. For instance; a man who is verbal sexually—letting you know what he likes and what he wants to do to you (and have you do to him)—can be arousing. Compared to, being with a man who is completely silent—making you question if he even enjoys being with you. This works both ways.
Yes, dirty talking—as long as it is not too vulgar—can be a turn-on. However, there is a big difference between a guy who is describing what excites him compared to a guy being crude, disrespectful, or worse, demanding.
Although there are some great ideas from porn, again there are also some negative desires that some men take away...
One big desire that many men will have after watching porn is wanting to have a threesome. Honestly, do you blame them? Porn movies make a threesome look fun and easy. Hmmm...too bad that's not how it is in real life, well, unless drinking and drugs are mingled with poor judgement.
Word to the wise, most women don't want to share their man in such an intimate way. So men, unless the woman you are in a relationship with initiates the conversation, it's a non subject. Respect her desires enough to not push this issue.
Threesomes might be freely welcomed in porn movies and with women who are sexually promiscuous without any conflict, however for most women, wanting a threesome is an insult. Basically, you are letting her know that she is not enough for you sexually. By the way, when a woman feels like she is not enough, it's a huge turn-off, not a panty dropper.
Another unrealistic desire...over the top loud moaning...
Why do some men believe that the over excessive moaning women in porn "act out" from having a man "thrill" her obnoxiously hard from behind is because she really loves it—hmmm....she's getting paid to make those noises. If you are with a woman who is excessively loud she is doing so purely for a man's enjoyment only, and to get him off quicker. Duhh!
Although you would think that certain things that are viewed in porn would only stay in porn, unfortunately, there are many men who actually believe that these bedroom tactics should be tried in real life. Well guys, most woman don't actually appreciate or want these things.
Here are some Porn Sex No-No's:
- Purposely "gratifying" yourself on a woman's face—it's rude—how would you feel if she spit in your face? Same thing, just from a different head. Unless she is asking you to, don't.
- Sledgehammering—most women don't enjoy being pounded hard the entire time....because it actually starts to hurt. If she's backing away, pulling away or saying "ow"...she's not enjoying it. Pay attention to her body language as well as her words.
- Spitting on your hand, manhood, or her lady parts as homemade lube—No, No! This type of application is much too primitive. Saliva is NOT a lubricant! There are way too many germs in the mouth and that is a recipe for all bacterial infections as well as drying out her lady parts. Plus it's disgusting.
- Rough foreplay—contrary to what you might see and believe, most women don't like to be thrown all over the place like a rag doll or have large objects forcefully put in any parts.
- Back door entry—not every woman wants it or enjoys it—talk about it first before you attempt to "accidentally" go there.
- Back and forth—no, no no! Keep it clean. If you're going to enter her "front door" and decide you want to have a little fun in her "back door" you cannot re-enter her "front door"—not with the same finger, toy and definitely not with your manhood. Again this is a disaster for an infection.
- Holding or Tying Down—although "Fifty Shades of Gray" might have men believing that most women have a secret desire to be tied or held down, not all do. Realize it is a trust issue for the woman. Talk about it first but don't dissect it, spontaneity is the key. Clear the path through communication for your next sexual adventure. When trying something new, start off slow and read her body language—slow can be just as sexy as fast. Sometimes being held down might be fun for a few minutes but not necessarily the entire time—and again not for all women.
- Dirty talking—if she is into it, great, but start off subtle and see how she reacts....remember dirty talk can be sexy for some women....vulgar is not.
- Dunking—never force a woman to pleasure you, if she wants to, she will. Forcing her head down there is not cool. Also if she does decide to pleasure you, don't keep her down there like you're holding her under water.
- Threesomes—again, don't assume or ask....if she brings it up then that's a different story. Otherwise, beware that most threesomes tend to be messy and complicated.
- Rough boob play—do you really think twisting enjoyable for most women? To say the least, biting? Light tapping, sucking and pulling can be a turn on, however you are not twisting a bottle cap off. Be gentle and check in with her (we have sensitive parts too) to see if what you are doing actually feels good to her.
- Crazy sexual positions—although trying different sexual positions can be fun, make sure your partner is not only willing but is also flexible. If not, she could end up having unnecessary injuries.
***Just because you see something enticing in an adult film, doesn't mean you actually should do it. It's important to not take porn as your lesson to sexual satisfaction. Instead, learn to connect with a woman on an emotional level and always use open communication to understand each others needs.
Sex is something that is meant to be enjoyable by both people, not just by the guy. Feeling safe and secure with your partner is very important. Never assume that what you see in an adult film is acceptable or actually wanted in real life.
Guys, understand the difference between fantasy and reality. They are not necessarily meant to be the same. It is not that we need you to "make love" with us all the time, however we DO need to feel not only desired, but also safe. No woman wants to feel like she's just a piece of a** for your pleasure.
Ladies, it's also important for you to speak up. If something he is doing does not feel good emotionally or physically, let him know. Although some "recreational" activities in the bedroom should be common sense, he's not a mind reader and depending on his experience might need some gentle guidance. Also be willing to make an effort to keep things spicy in the bedroom.
Bottom line, open and honest communication is always imperative to understanding and connecting with your significant other on a deeper emotional as well as sexual level. Porn is porn and not reality. Make sure your partner knows the difference! Understanding what you like, what your partner likes, and how people react in certain scenarios is key to consuming porn...not overdoing porn. Remember, communicating about your desires can be very arousing as well.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Evan Sheedy on July 18, 2020:
Absolutely sex could be that
ValerieMondesir on August 19, 2017:
Valerie Mondesir Alarcon