A happily married woman once said to me, “The loneliest day single beats being lonely in a marriage bed any day of the week.” I get where she’s coming from because, even if you want to be in a relationship, there are still huge perks to being single — ones that far outweigh being in an unhealthy marriage (or long-term relationship).
That’s basically the sentiment that @tamsenfadal is expressing here. If you’re newly divorced (or contemplating it), hopefully these words can shed some light and possibly bring some comfort.
Lonely with someone. Yep, it’s a thing. Signs that you are lonely in a relationship include:
· You feel unheard
· Your partner is dismissive of your needs
· Intimacy is constantly lacking
· Conversations have become shallow
· Love languages are no longer expressed
· You feel like you’re existing as roommates
· There is no more proactive expressions of love, care and concern
· Dates and quality time don’t happen much
· It seems like you’re begging to get what you desire
· One or both of you would rather be with other people (including friends and co-workers) than each other
Sometimes loneliness transpires in seasons yet if three or more of these things are happening on a regular basis, please discuss it with your partner. If things don’t improve, seek out a reputable therapist/counselor/coach. If still nothing changes, it might be time to do some…shifting.
A couple of years back, The New Yorker published, “The Problem of Marital Loneliness”. If that is what you’re currently feeling, your feelings are valid. Now is the time to do something about it because she’s right — it makes no sense to feel alone when technically…you’re not.
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