Why Don't I Feel Sexy Anymore? Advice for Women

Updated on December 8, 2018
Layne Holmes profile image

Layne believes in sharing life experiences. Acceptance and surrender are two important ingredients for personal growth.

Women are constantly under pressure to appear youthful—but beauty truly does start from within.
Women are constantly under pressure to appear youthful—but beauty truly does start from within. | Source

I Don't Feel Sexy Anymore

Ladies. You're here because we all have one thing in common. As we age, we start to notice every little change in our bodies. We think that the little laugh lines on the corners of our eyelids and the effect of time on the body become more and more pronounced over the years—even if others never notice. We are our biggest critics!

At some point, especially for those in a relationship, we may start to fall into a hole. We may ask ourselves, "Does my husband even find me attractive?" or "Why don't men check me out anymore?" We may wonder where our love life has gone or reminiscence over pictures of our younger days and all the fun we used to have.

One Day You May Look Back at How Beautiful You Are in This Moment

Did you know there will always be an older version of you looking back at the younger version of you (yes, the younger you right now!) reminiscing over your looks and your vitality? You need to start appreciating what you have at this moment!

I was watching a comedic movie a few nights ago and a very superficial female character said to the younger female character:

"You're going to want to take a picture of those because years later you're going to be looking back and wishing. Enjoy your body while you have it. You may think this and that, but one day you'll be looking back thinking you had it all."

So, we cannot control time, but we can control how we treat ourselves. It's time to learn to age with grace.

Do you worry about your marriage? Your insecurity may show.
Do you worry about your marriage? Your insecurity may show. | Source

Does My Husband Still Find Me Attractive?

Forget this question. Do YOU still find YOU attractive? Because if you don't feel attractive, it's hard for others to see you as attractive. I am a firm believer in women getting inspiration from other women. So, here are some ideas if you're feel less than sexy lately:

  • see an intimacy counselor (alone—one that works with women)
  • sign up for a sensual dance class (pole, belly dance)
  • join a women's group (inspire each other or honor the feminine)
  • join a water aerobics class (get moving)
  • see an energy healer (if you believe in energy work, you may have a chakra blockage)
  • see a transpersonal counselor (you may be suffering from blockages related to past trauma or abuse in your lifetime)

I am a firm believer that creative dance is a great source for enhancing sensuality. If you are in touch with the movements and flow and rhythm of your body, this can translate wonderfully into your love life.

Use Clever Propaganda to Set the Mood at Home

If you and your husband are having issues with intimacy, perhaps you have to set the mood. Maybe you work from home. Take your bath, have your evening glass of red, wear your favorite outfit, and watch your sensual movie by the time your husband gets home. That's right, the more relaxed you are, the more likely the energy will be noticed.

Start your morning by speaking kindly to yourself.
Start your morning by speaking kindly to yourself. | Source

Be Kind to Yourself

How we talk to ourselves in the mirror says everything about how we feel inside. Literally! I was once watching a self-love video, and the narrator in the video filmed her morning routine. In this video, she stands in the mirror and compliments herself, thanks herself, and smiles. At first I thought, "Wow, that is so weird." But after much contemplation, I realized I was weird for not greeting myself like that in the mirror every morning and show some self-love.

Tip: When you look at yourself in the mirror every morning, greet yourself like you would a friend. Exchange kind words like you would with your dearest friend. Treat yourself with the same kindness and respect.

Get the body sweating and the body moving to enhance your sensuality.
Get the body sweating and the body moving to enhance your sensuality. | Source

Why Sweating and Yoga May Make You Feel Sexy

If you haven't tried yoga already, you need to get started! Yoga is the ultimate mind-body-spiritual awakener. You move and twist in ways that awaken every cell in your body. Not to mention, it is an amazing toner—especially for the pelvic floor. You can modify your yoga practice depending on your abilities.

I highly recommend starting out with a basic asana or vinyasa flow class. Avoid heated classes if you are a first-timer. Over several months of diligent practice, you will notice a transformation in your body.

Everyone needs a break sometimes, and maybe it's time you and your significant other take one together and relax.
Everyone needs a break sometimes, and maybe it's time you and your significant other take one together and relax. | Source

Stress Is the Ultimate Intimacy Killer

Stress will kill even the healthiest of libidos. Stress can be work-related, life-event-related, or even financially induced. It's important to get at the root of your stress. If the two of you are going through some hard times, consider entering couple's counseling together to reduce the stress in your life.

Take a Mini-Vacation

Go book some float time at your local spa or get a couple's massage. Maybe even schedule an overnight on the coast or in the mountains at an Airbnb or at a cabin on the weekend. No matter what lifestyle you live and where you live, we all need to get away and we all need to take a break.

Feeling frumpy and down? Give yourself a little TLC the way you want to.
Feeling frumpy and down? Give yourself a little TLC the way you want to. | Source

Do You Believe in Makeovers?

First and foremost, when's the last time you looked in the mirror, ditched the sweatpants, the mom jeans (unless they're cute mom jeans), put on a real bra, did your makeup (if you wear it), did your hair (even let it down), and cared about YOU? Have you been plugging away day after day working or being a mom, not taking a moment for yourself?

You don't have to be loaded to treat yourself to a little beautification. If you're into glam, give yourself a french manicure at home (there are plenty of DIY kits), touch up your roots with dye, or go to your hairdresser and get your hair done.

Adorn Yourself

Do you have clothes hanging in your closet (your nice ones) that you never wear because they just aren't practical? What if you dressed up to run that errand. How would you feel? The sensation and the attention (not to mention the compliments) might just overwhelm you and give you an added boost. Women notice when women take care of themselves too, so next time you get the "I like your scarf" from the female cashier, take that one to heart.

Quick Tip: Put on some lipstick or some blush in just seconds. A little bit of color goes a long way. If you're over the makeup routine, look for multi-purpose coloring sticks that double as lip tint and blush. That's what I use. Go for something natural.

HAN Skin Care Cosmetics Natural Cheek & Lip Tint, Rose Berry
HAN Skin Care Cosmetics Natural Cheek & Lip Tint, Rose Berry

I love using HAN skin care cheek and lip tint. It's super easy to swipe on in just seconds. The ingredients are certified organic and cruelty-free. The tint is derived from organic fruit and vegetable pigments, and it is fragrance-free.

 
Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.
Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. | Source

"Like a Fine Wine, You Get Better With Age"

We've heard this one before, but we can't help but compare ourselves to the dewy faces of youth. But, what if you believed and embraced this saying? Let's go back to your 20-year-old self. Sure, you were fun, but perhaps you weren't much for conversation? Maybe you were insecure? Maybe you still wore glasses? Perhaps you enjoyed intimacy, but you weren't all that experienced. Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, there is a huge difference between the presence of a woman and a girl? Believe it and embrace it.

Is My Husband Cheating on Me?

Ugh . . . the biggest and most damaging question any woman can ask herself. The more the idea springs into mind, the more the paranoia sets in. People may really take things out of hand just to confirm or debunk their biggest fear of all—the other woman, a mistress, etc.

Maybe It's Him

Maybe your husband has a hormone imbalance. Maybe your significant other put on some weight and doesn't feel sexy. Maybe they are dealing with an overload of stress at the workplace, depression, low testosterone, you name it. It's not always us! Get to the root of the matter and consider talking to them if you are in a good place to do so.

Worst Case Scenario

What if your husband was having an affair. It doesn't matter if you've been married for 1 year, 2 years, 20 or 30 years, this BURNS and is grounds for the dissolution of a marriage. So, what if he was with someone younger? Did you know that the problem is with him? Can we acknowledge this right now? If a man is that superficial to leave you for another woman than you have better things coming your way. You do NOT want to be stuck in a marriage with someone who doesn't even see you for you.

You Determine Your Worth

Value yourself as a woman. Men do not determine a woman's worth. We determine our worth, so declare it.

Women deal with the unfair stigma around aging. We are bombarded with issues around aging and beauty since the time we are young. But I can't tell you how many times I've seen women who are older than me and I've said, "Wow, I hope I look like her! She's radiant!"

Only Compete With Yourself

Stop competing against younger women—they don't have everything you have—they aren't necessarily as established in their career, they aren't as skilled at gardening, they aren't as fluent in French . . . you name it. I'm a firm believer in woman power. I believe that unfaithfulness has more to do with the unfaithful than the one being burned. So save your dignity and grace and get out of that.

Only compete with yourself, that is, work on becoming a better you for you! This starts with self-care, self-love, and self-acceptance. Remember, you've got other women rooting for you and you are not alone—we all need to lift each other up and embrace our strengths.

Video: How to Feel Sexy at Any Age

© 2018 Layne Holmes

Share your inspiration:

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)