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Why I Am Glad I Didn't Marry My High School Sweetheart

Updated on October 19, 2017
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Rev. Margaret Minnicks has been a Bible teacher for 40 years, and she loves passing on things she has learned over the years.

Background of Relationship

I was in love with my high school sweetheart. We dated during our junior and senior years and talked about getting married one day. At the time, I thought my significant other meant it.

After graduation, the boy I was dating disappeared to explore other interests. He went to one college and I went to another one, However, I couldn't forget the deep conversations we had over the years. Apparently, he did.

Many Years Later

It took me many years to accept the fact that my high school sweetheart was not the one for me. When we were in high school, the thought occurred to me but not to him that we would get married one day.

When that didn't happen, I was devastated. Many years later, I finally sorted out why marrying him would have been a bad thing, and my life would have been miserable.

Below are the reasons I am glad we went our separate ways after graduation.

Too Young and Immature

When you are young and in love, you think it will always be that way. The first thing to know for sure is that both of you are going to change. You will get older and become more mature.

You will find out that the person you thought you loved and couldn't live without won't always be that way.

When you spend a long time with your high school sweetheart, you keep thinking that things are going to stay that way forever. That is far from the truth. Both of you will meet new people and have different experiences.

While you are in high school, you are limited to your surrounding and the people you know. After you leave high school, you will meet people from different backgrounds whether you go to college or not. In other words, your options for a life partner becomes a million times bigger.

In Love With Potential

While I thought I was falling in love with the person, I actually fell in love with the potential of what he would become. Now that I see he has never reached his potential, I have thanked God many times that I didn't get stuck with him.

Part of me wanted to maintain a relationship with him because we had a history together. I thought it was easier to stay with someone I knew rather than starting all over with someone else.

In Love with the Idea and Not the Person After All

I couldn't forget about our conversations because I meant what I said, but I found out that he might have meant what he said when he said those things to me, but he reneged on them later.

I was angry with myself for many years for continuing to think about him and fantasize what a life would have been with him.

Finally, I came to believe that I was not in love with him after all. I was in love with the idea of being married.

Free at Last

It took me years to get over my high school sweetheart. I never wished any bad things to happen to him, but it took me a long time to forgive him for leading me on.

Now I am glad he did move on with me. I don't think I would have left him, so I am glad he did leave me. Know I know my life would not have been happy with him.

Mistakes I Made

I made several mistakes.

  1. I believed what I was led to believe.
  2. I believed what I wanted to believe.
  3. It was more comfortable settling for what I was used to rather than embarking on something new.
  4. I didn't want to give up the history I had invested into.
  5. I superimposed the feeling of a situation I wanted on a person who wasn't ready for it.

Stephen and Ayesha Curry were highschool sweethearts. They are happily married with two beautiful daughters.
Stephen and Ayesha Curry were highschool sweethearts. They are happily married with two beautiful daughters.

Conclusion of the Matter

My situation might be the exception instead of the rule because some high school relationships do end in marriage, and the couple lives happily ever after.

The purpose of this article was to help me sort out the whole situation in my own mind and to help others take inventory of their own situation.

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    • revmjm profile image
      Author

      Margaret Minnicks 3 weeks ago from Richmond, VA

      Thank you, dashingscorpio, for reading and writing such detailed information about your experience. It is beneficial for others who will read what you wrote.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 weeks ago

      "Too Young and Immature" says it all!

      When we are teenagers we believe we're adults. We think we have the world figured out and adults simply can't comprehend how we feel about the love of our lives.

      When I was in Jr. high a 13 year old girl attempted suicide because her 14 year old boyfriend broke up with her to date the "new girl" at the school.

      Several decades later I've often wondered what she thinks when she looks back at that time in her life. No girl should believe life is not worth living at the age of 13 and no 14 year old boy should be responsible for another person's well being! Teenagers can only see "right now".

      Most of us begin pursuing relationships before we figured out who (we) are let alone knew what we wanted in a mate for life. We allowed "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices.

      It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Like you, myself, and millions of other teenagers we were too immature and unrealistic to believe that we'd go away to different colleges and maintain a {long distance relationship} for the next 4-6 years while we get our degrees or establish a career path.

      At age 14 most of us couldn't imagine having our drivers license and driving around town and that was only 2 years away! Not many 16 year olds could really see themselves walking around a university campus and that too was only two years away for most. The "full college experience" is about (evolving) making new friends, socializing, participating in campus activities, and possibly pledging a sorority or fraternity in addition to attending sporting events. Making friends, socializing, and partying usually leads to dating

      The reality is when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat. If this were not true all of us would be married to our high school sweethearts!

      Truth is what made for an "ideal mate" at age 17 probably wouldn't cut it for us at age 25, 30, or beyond.

      Eventually when people have teenagers of their own they began to know where (their parents) were coming from when they poo pooed teenage love and marriage plans.

      It's so easy to be "all in" with a first love especially when your parents are paying for all your expenses, keeping you fed, clothed, and providing a roof over your head.

      All you have to do is attend school and imagine living happily ever after. Adult love however is having a demanding boss, maybe working a job you dislike, paying the rent/mortgage, car note, medical insurance, coming home tired, grabbing a bite to eat and watching a little TV before going to bed and repeating the same thing tomorrow.

      And if you throw having children in the mix the expenses and stress level rise even higher. Life is not a fairytale!

      The sad thing is many people view their "first love" as being their one "true love" when they were actually living in a cocoon and not in the "real world". No future love or mate can compete with a time where you had nothing competing for your mindshare and were "free", innocent, positive, and trusting of others.

      A broken heart is a wakeup call and reality check!