Why People Become Reclusive and Like It

Updated on April 20, 2018
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Analyzing why people do the things they do and how those things affect others is one of my favorite pastimes. I enjoy finding solutions.

Where The Desire Comes From

What causes a person to voluntarily remove themselves from society and live a life of solitude? For some, it may be a symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They witnessed or became a victim of some horrific act; or, something horrible happened to somebody they loved and they had no control over it. In many cases, people become reclusive after somebody within or outside the home, repeatedly, infringes upon their privacy or threatens them in some way. The act or acts play over and over again in their head causing them grief, anxiety, guilt, and/or fear. These emotions overwhelm them leaving little or no room for comfort, peace, or joy. They may also develop agoraphobia, a fear of going outside.

Source

Reclusive for Privacy and Comfort

For other people, being alone feels more comfortable to them than being around other people. Some of them enjoy entertaining their own thoughts and hobbies without the obligation to contribute to conversations or happenings of others. Their privacy may be more important to them than any whim to share details of their lives. They at have spent much of their lives catering to the needs of others and they feel a need to step away from all that and just relax and enjoy a peaceful existence. In some cases, the prospect of sharing stories of their life tenses them up and they want to protect their privacy. Whenever they share private information with others, they, often, regret it. Many of these people may become reclusive because they feel inadequate. They can't imagine why anyone would find anything they have to say interesting. The whole idea of being around other people who ask questions of them causes them more anxiety than joy. Staying inside their own home makes life easier for them.

Girl looking out a window
Girl looking out a window | Source

Reclusive Due to Feelings of Inadequacy

Some people know that nothing they say or do will change the past; and therefore, they, mistakenly, believe that sharing their feelings about it serves no purpose. Other people know that what they have to say will make a difference. They want to share it with the world. However, they either fear that speaking out will make them more vulnerable, or, they are the ones who, repeatedly, tugged on their mom or dad's leg as a child only to hear, "Not now; I'm busy," or, when they knew the answer in class, they frantically waved their arm back and forth, yelling, "Pick me; pick me," only to hear another person's name called out. Parents and teachers are busy people. Sometimes, they have to give someone else their attention. It's somebody else's turn. However, the child internalizes this as a belief that their voice lacks importance. Throughout their lives, people, unknowingly, speak over them because they, too, have something they want heard. However, that is little comfort to the people who have questions, answers, or statements reeling around in their brains with nowhere to go.

Lack of Money

Other people stay inside because they can't afford to do anything that interest them outside the home. In the beginning, their friends invite them places but they have to decline because they don't have the funds. When this occurs time and time again, most friends figure they already know the person will not join them; therefore, they stop asking. The reclusive person becomes more accustomed to doing things alone in their own surroundings. The longer some of them spend away from other people, the more uncomfortable they feel when they have to be around them. However, some of these people maintain friendships and feel perfectly at ease when they visit.

Reclusive for Safety Concerns

The need to feel safe in a world where there's no guarantee of security against foreign or domestic terrorists or violent criminals such as stalkers or muggers causes some people to choose a life of seclusion. Ironically, the good people who would never bring harm to another human being become prisoners in their own homes while the people who do bad things or threaten to hurt or kill another person or people walk around freely. Unfortunately, laws designed to protect people from others who threaten them rarely incarcerate the perpetrator for any significant amount of time. In fact, in most cases the laws provide more protection for the criminal than they do for the victim. Many victims would venture outside more if the perpetrator was locked up. If the perpetrator was locked up in a state far away and not allowed to ever leave that state, victims of that perpetrator might be able to function outside the home.

Source

The Importance Of Sharing

Whether the desire to be reclusive stems from comfort or fear, it's important to weigh the risks and benefits of getting out in the world or staying in and to analyze which choice, if any, could be looked back on with the least amount of regret. Some reclusive people, simply, need somebody to help them see the beauty of who they are. They need somebody to hear their voice. Whether they yell at the top of their lungs from a podium or they sit alone in their home writing onto a notepad or typing into a computer, what they have to say matters to somebody somewhere. All people have a story. Their experiences, continually, change who they are and who they are destined to become. Every page of their lives has the substance to teach, heal, or entertain. A mere chapter of their story could, potentially, change a life, or, maybe even, make the world a better place to live in.

Man writing
Man writing | Source

Reclusive Rights - Putting It Out There

Writers, sometimes, become reclusive because sharing their knowledge or wisdom becomes an obsession. A friend stops by to ask if they want to go out somewhere and they shew them away; saying, "I can't go right now. I'm in the middle of an important article," or, their phone rings and they quickly stuff it under their pillow. Their life and everybody in it become distractions. Their ultimate goal of getting their point across releases them from feelings of insignificance and worthlessness. They imagine that what they've shared on paper or screen makes something easier for someone to understand, or helps somebody feel better, or makes another person smile or laugh. And, they like it. They like working on pieces that entertain their audience. Leaving their mark on the world trumps experiencing more of it. They like the idea that things may be better for future generations because of something they wrote about. They like spending all their time working on making the people of the world more aware, healthier, or happier. They like being a recluse.

The Misconception

People choose or feel forced into reclusiveness for other reasons also. A common misconception is that they sit around in a catatonic state and do nothing or that they are all feeling sad or lonely. Some people may be experiencing a deep depression. It's possible that they slipped into the depression over a long period of time and they don't realize that their desire to be alone is a result of that. Therapy may help them make changes to feel better. However, many people who choose a reclusive lifestyle live productive lives doing exactly what they want to do. They feel happy and content. Many of them run businesses from their homes. Some may concentrate their time on being more relaxed and less productive but if they are happy and content with where they're at, they are in a better place than many people who are rarely alone yet feel lonely often. Some reclusive people may seek therapy because they want to become more social beings but they don't know how to feel safe or more comfortable in the process. Therapy may help people who want to mingle more with others or feel safer outdoors. Each individual has the right to choose and options to change if they desire to do so.

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      Ange 4 days ago

      I am reclusive. Go out - come back quick! Do you know I used to be very outgoing /a people's person but now I'm happy with my house and family. I worried about the change in me and had two sessions of anxiety management and gave it up. I couldn't deal with opening up to the group? Mistrust I suppose. I do have melt downs. But do you know I feel safe and ok in my house and love my family and enjoy cooking and making 'their' lives great. X

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      catty kit 9 days ago

      I've become a happy recluse since my last divorce, which was the most traumatic experience of my life (and I've had plenty) . To begin with I had toxic parents, I had chosen relationships later on (friends and boyfriends) who took advantage of me & were bad to me. Husbands were narcissistic, one a hard core addict, another physically abusive. I've always had a proclivity to prefer being alone & thrive on it, but I have a history of attracting toxic people. So I finally have solitude, safety and peace. I have only a handful of acquaintances I occasionally talk to by phone or text/msgr. After a conversation w/anyone I'm worn out & don't want to talk again for (it varies) long spurts. The need for breaks from them is lasting longer. I'm now avoiding them. I enjoy doing solo things outside the house too like antique looking, attending movies, lectures, performances, walking and bicycling. The only time I have to be around people is work. It's tolerable but I really have gotten to love being solo.

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      Lisa Law 4 weeks ago

      My daughter graduated college recently and has a very good job. She hangs in her room alot and smokes weed to relax. She seems very angry, and I know she had a hard time at college with nasty roomates and years ago when she was young my sister was not very nice to her and my niece would take all the friends she got close with. She is so good hearted and giving of herself. When we talk she is very fresh to me and tells me to worry about my own life. We used to laugh and have vacations and just good times, I will never stop worrying about my kids, and I want to have a relationship like before. How do I help???

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      Lisa Law 4 weeks ago

      My daughter graduated college recently and has a very good job. She hangs in her room alot and smokes weed to relax. She seems very angry, and I know she had a hard time at college with nasty roomates and years ago when she was young my sister was not very nice to her and my niece would take all the friends she got close with. She is so good hearted and giving of herself. When we talk she is very fresh to me and tells me to worry about my own life. We used to laugh and have vacations and just good times, I will never stop worrying about my kids, and I want to have a relationship like before. How do I help???

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      Mary Dieter 4 weeks ago

      This is so me! Not totally, but close! Been hurt one too many times, will turn you into this person! Live by myself 12 years now and love it! I have had chances, don't get me wrong! Just tired of trying to make everyone I meet, happier, than when I met them! I work on ME, for a change!

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      Cherry Love 5 weeks ago

      I slowly became a recluse. After retiring in 2011, I chose carefully the groups I wanted to socialize with. In 2005, my only living child was sentenced to 30 years to life, his charges were: 2 counts of shooting with the intent to kill. His home is a maximum security facility. I am not going to say, 'The Family is Doing Time', but, 'I am doing time with him'.

      I do not share this with neighbors or over tea/coffee at volunteer groups.

      I organized a support group for Families of the Incarcerated and that was a help for families. They told me it was. I am 70 years old now and I still volunteer and I love it. But, some of the social events, that are offered to me I find time wasting. There are older women complaining about their dead husbands, that were devils, their adult children who neglect them, their grandchildren who only contact them for money and the poor health care they receive. I think I will just go home and read a good book or watch a movie.

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      6 weeks ago

      Great article and comments. Happy to see so much support and understanding in the comments. This article helped me realize that I'm (somewhat) reclusive because it's more comfortable, as opposed to having fear for my safety. This article's mention of not wanting to have to entertain others is relatable to me. Thank you!

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      Forgotten soldier 6 weeks ago

      I have cptsd from a physical abusive childhood Also ptsd from time served in the army. I am reclusive because I have difficulties forming relationships and trust issues.I am most comfortable alone.This is the price I must pay for failing to return to England in a body bag.

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      Cannice95 7 weeks ago

      I can't wait to be a recluse ive been through so much in the past my whole life has been constant abuse. I just want to be living on my own.

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      Sarke' Leebert 7 weeks ago

      As the great poet Charles Bukowski said, "It's not that I hate people. I just feel better when they're not around." This quote sums up my reasons for my reclusive life.

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      Matt 2 months ago

      Inadequately feeling that use of the word "I" is too selfish, overused. Worked hard to be a de-greed engineer but after 15 yrs with a utility constantly reorganizing and putting people in charge who set up their own ways of doing business even when it conflicted with company policy. Forced out early retirement because I did something allowed under previous that embarrassed the political structure. Mo staff meetings, no setting new policy, just lying in wait to pounce when it didn't suit is what they did. Today I'm a recluse drinking 1-3/4 Liters scotch every 3-days.

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      Amber Slater 2 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      I love this article so much! I can relate to more then a few of your reasons that some of us "opt out" of society as it is. I believe that eventually, your exhaustion with the endless crap that is thrown at you constantly outweighs your desire to keep faith that things will improve or that you will ever be able to "make peace" with the corruption and injustices and whatnot. Great article!

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 3 months ago from Illinois

      Thanks for sharing that quote Trisha. I feel the same way.

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      Trisha Walsh 3 months ago

      My reason for wanting to be a recluse can be perfectly summed up in this quote by Warsan Shire:-

      "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude".

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 3 months ago from Illinois

      Totoro, Your English is pretty good. I'm sure the people you helped don't care what it was that made you help; they're just happy that you did. That's all that matters. Most people have interior motives when they do things for others. That doesn't make them bad people. It's okay to do something good and hope that people show appreciation for it. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. I applaud you for helping out when no one else did.

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      Totoro 3 months ago

      I'm a recluse, When i was 15 i witnessed a car accident, many people were around, but funny enough only me went to the car to help. The feeling was great, but after that i went home, thinking about what i did, i said to myself that you helped those people because ppl were around and that you want them to give you an applause because of what you did. Pretty sure that i would still help them if there were no one around, but the thought of wanting ppl to acknowledged good thing i did makes me disgusted myself. Now i'm 18, whenever i do good things, or just interacting with friends, even though i put my heart and soul to it, i still feel like i'm a superficial human, i feel like i should not have any close relationship with anyone because i don't deserve it, and it's best that i disappeared.

      Sorry for my bad English, and thanks for the article!~

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      Emmyboy 3 months ago from Nigeria

      Nice points.

      I can relate on some the points raised.

      Thanks for sharing.

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      Francisco Castillo 4 months ago

      Hi and good afternoon from Spain!

      To me being a recluse is one option to avoid calling attention when living in a small town, and being different.

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      Recluse life 4 months ago

      Went into recluse mode 10 months ago & it has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Yes it can create some problems like agoraphobia & whatnot but honestly there isn’t much good going on outside anymore unless your removed far from society . I live in LA so there are people everywhere and a lot of absolute shit I’m sorry to say it but some times you have to be real. I was part of the problem though not too long ago...a filthy disease just destroying the world one day at a time. Some times you have to enter far into your own mind and soul to find truths & you can’t have distractions from the world there . Telling you lies & then your filled with shit all over again

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 4 months ago from Illinois

      Hi Comfortably Alone, I know what you mean. I don't think what you are experiencing is at all uncommon. Many people feel guilty for the way they behaved or things they said or did perhaps as a result of being immature or they behaved in the manner they did as some rebellious statement against something wrong in their own lives, or even while intoxicated. The thing is as long as what happened didn't hurt someone down to their soul, I don't think anybody gives any thought at all to the way somebody acted in the past. Most people forget those things if they weren't directly effected by them and when new, positive actions blur out the negative. And, everybody slips up once in a while. Hopefully, nobody gets hurt in the process. If somebody did get hurt, a heartfelt apology might help everybody heal. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take Care.

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      Comfortably Alone 4 months ago

      I replay events throughout my life over and over again in my mind and I just cringe at the way I acted/behaved/spoke/interacted with others. It felt alright at the time, but when I look back on it after it occurs I always feel as though I behaved in a low-class trashy fashion. I don't know if the other person noticed, but maybe I was too boisterous, rambunctious, overenthusiastic, loud, trying to be the center of attention, etc. It's like a constant loop where you wonder why you weren't more demure, accommodating, soft-spoken, cultured, or something of the like. It's as if you're constantly maturing and looking back at how you acted in the past, and you can't STAND IT, but you can't do anything except replay the events over and over and wince.

      I lost my looks, my hobbies waned into territory you can't discuss with polite strangers, my interest in this 2o10s decade is minimal at best (90s-2000s rocked better), and I feel I have nothing left to offer and contribute to anybody, and I am constantly humiliated by my past, so the best thing I could do for myself and everybody else was remove myself from the equation.

      I dumped all my friends, only leave the house for work, and occasionally I spend time with 1 or 2 cousins. Spending time with strangers or a large crowd can physically exhaust me within 10 minutes, and I don't think I want to talk to strangers anymore anyway. The rest of the time its just me surrounded by my books and my computer and my hobbies in my room so there's no possible way for me to humiliate myself when I am not interacting with anyone. It makes me less nervous, and I don't have to constantly police my behavior to make sure I am acting with decorum instead of like low-class trash.

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 5 months ago from Illinois

      Deslandres, I'm so sorry that those have been your experiences with people. My heart goes out to you for the pain you have suffered. There are many good people in the world who help others and don't take advantage of them. My hope is that we see more of those people and less of the people who do bad deeds and hurt others in the future. I agree that people should be very careful of who they lend money to if they lend any at all. I wish you and your friend well and I hope you both experience the goodness in others. Take care.

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      Deslandres 5 months ago

      My reason for becoming one is simply because people have not only abused me but also mistreated me in other ways over the years. This is a very long story which I won't go into here due to limited room, but believe me, hateful rejection has a lot to do with it. Also the greed of others and now that people are more all for themselves and won't help others, especially when you have a major need and happen to be disabled and most need something and you wonder why someone like me would avoid most people! I also have a friend who's also reclusive and because of different problems he had, he can't stand to deal with most people, especially since he deals with a mental disorder. I can't say I'm totally reclusive because there are very few people I will deal with when they prove themselves trustworthy. However, if you have money, be very careful who you hang with and what kind of people you're around lest they take advantage of you and drain you dry! Even if you look to collect from a very legitimate case, start pulling the purse strings and saving money when you have none so that by time you get your other money you can better support yourself with the one time gift from whatever it is you look to collect from. Best yet, enjoy it but don't shell out no money, meaning don't loan money to no one

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      I feel very alone 5 months ago

      I was a very popular and happy human all my life. I am now 60 years old and my popularity has faded because I want to be alone for reasons unknown to me.

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 5 months ago from Illinois

      Hi Dom, It's so painful to lose people we love, especially when it's somebody who loved us so completely. My heart goes out to you at the loss of your Mum. I lost my Mom when I was 17 and I had a similar experience. I still went out with friends often but there was a disconnect in many of my relationships. I think it was that fear. I hope your therapy helps you to overcome it and to let yourself love without reservations. Take Care.

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      Fat Fudge 5 months ago

      I have become reclusive recently as I really cannot be bothered with other people. I think it is because I had a tough time with an out of control child and no one helped but everyone criticized and gossiped . Then some one came along who helped immensely with my daughter but he was an alcoholic so came with another set of problems and more nonconstructive criticism took place . Think I just simply went off humans and decided that I have very little time for them. Does that make sense?

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      Dom Parker 5 months ago

      I would categorise myself now as a recluse, but I wasn't always this way.

      I was an only child, and never knew my father as my mum would never talk about him. She sadly passed away from cancer 5 years ago and it's since then that I've slowly withdrawn from socialising with friends. I find it hard to form relationships as I think its the fear of losing someone that I may get close to and perhaps fall in love with. I'm in one to one therapy currently which is helping somewhat, and I have hope that one day I can be in a place where I can love and trust another person.

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      ahorseback 5 months ago

      I am more a recluse than anything else , being intuitive and very observant of human nature , I will say it is a" safety net" of sorts and a result of perhaps some negative human -social experiences of youth . On the other hand while I admire many who are very extroverted I see a desperation in that behavior too as I see many who's social life has far outweighed the ability to stick to or develop familial ties . Isn't it just a "six of one half a dozen of the other "........thing ?

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      walt deelman 5 months ago

      A quick read here was the beginning of an understanding for me .. thank you!

      W

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 9 months ago from Illinois

      There is no greater insult for a writer than to be accused of plagiarizing. I assure all my readers that my work is original. It is based solely on my own personal experiences, my own analysis or observations of the subject addressed, or a mixture of both.

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 10 months ago from Illinois

      Thanks Chris, I totally agree with you. People have the right to live their lives any way they choose as long as they are not hurting anybody hopefully not hurting themselves either. Your comment made me reread my article because I don't think I articulated that being reclusive is sometimes a choice made from preference and that there is nothing wrong with that. I'll have to do some editing to get that in there.

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      Chris 10 months ago

      I enjoyes your article....

      As i read through the comments I noticed as I have in many other articles that people comment that the person is "lonely and or depressed" and i asked myself why so many people believe or think that?

      As one reply stated, we all have our own experiences that make us who we are...

      Just because I or others do not fit into societys norm does not make us less of a person...

      Just as society stereotypes us as being "abnormal", those os us that are this way could do the same..."Why would anyone want to subject themselves to what society deems as the norm...i see that is complete insanity"

      I, personally, am not depressed, I am less stressed...more happy, more content with life and more at peace with my life then I ever have been..

      So, for societys 99% who are social butterflies who are dependant upon other...that is great and best wishes to what makes you happy and fulfilled...

      And to the 1% of us who choose our way...Best wishes to all of you also

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      Helen Laxner 11 months ago from Illinois

      Thank you Robyn.

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      Robyn 11 months ago

      A beautiful and true description thankyou....

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      Gord 11 months ago

      I do gather for quiet social gatherings and for special occasions with a close group of friends, and even organize social gatherings. However, I do not have the need for constant stimulation day in day out, every weekend, etc.

      Being in loud, crowded, environments and being bombarded by sights and sounds just brings about sensory overload.

      There are coworkers who come back on a Monday and talk about their weekend which was filled with an itinerary full of activities and events and I think to myself, "How exhausting!"

      Nor do I believe one needs a huge social network of friends. Really, for those of people who have several hundred friends on Facebook how many of them are actually people who affect their lives? It's the quality of friends and not quantity. It's about how special occasions should be special and not the norm.

      It's like the Seinfeld joke about the absurdity about how people always need to be out somewhere to feel fulfilled and as soon as they're out somewhere they want to leave:

      "Once you're out, you wanna get back. You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've gotta go."

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 12 months ago from Illinois

      Thanks Audrey, I know what you mean. I sure enjoy my nice, peaceful "me" time too!

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      Audrey Hunt 12 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      I wouldn't call myself a recluse but I sure enjoy my solitude. Like you've pointed out in the last paragraph here, I do claim "Reclusive Rights". )

      Love this hub!

      Audrey

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 12 months ago from Illinois

      Dear Shadow, It breaks my heart to think of you in so much pain. You may be able to find resources to improve your situation or help with the stresses you are feeling by contacting different agencies. You could start here and I'm sure they will be able to help you figure out where to turn to next. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-pre... . 1-800-273-TALK (8255), 24 hours a day, 7 days a week . Sometimes it helps to write it down or talk it out but usually it takes some kind of plan to live your best life. The good thing about this life is that you have some control over it. One thing that has kept me from killing myself is the fear that I could be stuck in conditions much worse with no way to come back. I'm glad your mother is keeping you alive but I hope you find ways to enjoy more of your life. Sending you prayers and hugs.

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      Shadow 12 months ago

      I am on sickness benefit and have no house, savings etc. I am so disillusioned by people that I wish I could buy a house on its own land, away from people and get some healing. The stress of having horrible neighbours, and sleeping with earplugs every night because of sirens and road noise, is keeping me sick. When I get away from this flat, and these noises I start to relax; then I have to return and quickly get sick again.

      Short of winning the lotto I'm stuck here. I really hate people, and want out. I cry my heart out every day and beg for death. Cant kill myself though as it will destroy my mother and I dont want to do that. So i have to grin and bear an unbearable illness and neighbours from hell. Get me away from here and I'll slowly get well again. :(

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 14 months ago from Illinois

      Kathy, Thanks for sharing your story with me. I can relate to how you found yourself where you are. Somehow, it seems to sneak up on you with one thing happening after another. I wish you well. I'm glad I could be of some help. Take care.

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      Kathy 14 months ago

      Thank you! I simply googled Reclusive just now because I wondered why I am the way I am when I was never this way before. I was the social butterfly. I had parties at my home and enjoyed the company of many friends. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer, and it was the beginning of isolation. When I moved out of state, I didn't have any friends, so it was easier to isolate. Six years ago something very traumatic happened. I believe I have PTSD. I do go to my job, but I am simply an actress on stage. I teach, so it is easy to pretend to be okay. My students think I am a vibrant person. I want to laugh every time they say it. When I was younger, I did have horrible anxiety, but it didn't keep me from being social. In fact, I needed people around me. Anyway, thanks for sharing. It helps.

    • HoneyBB profile image
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      Helen Laxner 20 months ago from Illinois

      LOL...I'm trying; my problem is I have a million things I want to write about and they're all banging into each other. I need to organize my mind.

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      Paula 20 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Better late than never. It's good to see you. C'mon, get back in the swing. You are missed!

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      Helen Laxner 20 months ago from Illinois

      I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've been busy being reclusive too. LOL. I could have written the exact thing you wrote to me (every word of it). Take care.and thanks for reading.

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      Helen Laxner 20 months ago from Illinois

      Hi Paula, I haven't been on here much. I've been becoming more and more reclusive also...lol. I just got this message from you and apparently you wrote it seven months ago. I hope all is good for you. I do miss the interactions I had with you and other hubbers so I really need to get back in the game. Yeah, I think I would have had to make a huge effort to get a laugh out at that t-shirt. :)

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      moonlake 2 years ago from America

      I am reclusive now. I hate winter and won't go out unless I have to. I have lost friends and family in the last year so that is part of it. I have always liked being home. I, at least, would get out and go on short trips with friends. I haven't done that in a long time.

      My kids are busy so I don't visit them. They call or text, but that is about it. Nowadays they think texting makes it all good. I know I need to get out of this rut I'm in.

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      Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Honey.....I just reread this. In 13 months since my original comment, I think I've become even more reclusive. Of course, it is winter and I don't especially like to venture out when the weather is bad.

      However, I've proven to myself over the past few years that I truly feel much happier over all by avoiding a lot of interaction. Reading Pablo's comment rings quite familiar to me. We humans have a saturation point. When we've spent 75% of our life in constant communication and connection with every type of individual imaginable, offering our energies & expertise~~it can wear us down.

      When I retired, a friend gave me a T-shirt that read: "It's OK. I'll just drop everything immediately and work on YOUR problems." LOL

      It's suppose to be FUNNY. I don't think I laughed! Have a great week-end! Paula

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      Helen Laxner 2 years ago from Illinois

      Thanks for commenting pablo123; It sounds like you are finally living the peaceful life you deserve. Enjoy! :)

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      john 2 years ago from N.C.

      As a former therapist, I have had enough drama just trying avoid the need to solve problems for other people. I mean that in this by trying to help people learn to cope with their horrors and not kill themselves in the process. Now I am retired, have paid my dues and like being alone, to think, read, paint and joy great music on my headphones. I hate to hear the phone ring and I seldom answer it unless I know it is important. Doctor's offices will leave a message. I like people, but I have leaned that I cannot save everyone.

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 3 years ago from Illinois

      Hi effer, sorry, I haven't been visiting my hubpages too often and just saw that you wrote me. I haven't even seen the previous message you're referring to. I'm about to start getting back in the game. Now, about that bone you have to pick with me....??? LOL

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I see you were away Honey BB...& came back as Honey Halley.....well, you're still a HONEY! I read this again and I have a bone to pick with you. You didn't respond to my comment and that's not like you...I know you must have just missed it. I'm going to take a moment to respond to Marissa.

      At one time in my life, Marissa, I thought much on the lines that you do. That was when I was NOT alone, in any sense of the word, which accounts for 60 years of my life. My life was always filled to the brim with people, activities, demanding career, family (raising kids) In fact as I think back, I describe it as crazy chaos.

      Then...I found myself at this stage of my life, able to make a sincere choice.

      I'll bet you might understand that I truly am "one of those" who is really happy on her own".....Happy.....NOT happier. It seems more to me like I've EARNED the right to live a clear choice. You get it.

      I still do some socializing and visiting, but I don't seek it out anymore. I love my home, the comforts and the serenity.

    • profile image

      Dan 3 years ago

      What I mean by that comment, is that there is a huge stigma with these 2 disorders, I don't want to be stigmatized, I have no choice but to hide.

    • profile image

      Dan 3 years ago

      I'm a bipolar aspie, no thanks.

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 4 years ago from Illinois

      Lynn, thanks for commenting and I hope you can figure it out. I didn't mean that those specific reasons applied to everyone who becomes reclusive and I have even become aware of other reasons some people become reclusive since I wrote that article. One reason could be that people continually disappoint them or that they feel too much stress thinking that they are a disappointment to others; another reason might be that they lack motivation and possibly don't recognize that they are depressed and lack motivation to get help to overcome it. I'm sure there are hundreds, if not, thousands, of other reasons. I am seriously considering researching this further and possibly writing a book about it one day. Maybe when my book comes out, I will have discovered something that makes you say, "Aha, that's it!" And with knowing the reason, you will give yourself more power to choose whether it is what you truly want for yourself or whether it's something you want to change. Thanks again. I really appreciate your comment. It has inspired me to look into this further and try harder to be helpful. Now if I can only get myself motivated to start that book. :)

    • profile image

      Lynn 4 years ago

      Just an FYI -- my reclusive behavior has nothing to do with my parents telling me not now, their busy after tugging at a pant leg. I don't actually remember doing that to be honest. I am still trying to figure out what makes me want to drop out on life and remain there.

    • profile image

      Tina 4 years ago

      I was a shy child and always socially awkward. As you say, everybody has a story... but not everyone has the courage to share it. The Lord gives me strength to continue, as I've had struggles with eating disorders, depression, and now a thyroid disease. I never feel like I really fit in, which is why I choose to be reclusive; but I am okay with that, because one day I will enter an eternal realm that won't compare to this physical existence. Until then, I will do the best I can with what the Lord blesses me with.

    • profile image

      Anand 4 years ago

      Hi All,

      I also have been a Recluse for about now 18 Years, 8 Months, 16 Days and Twenty Hours. I some how enjoy leading this life as Recluse. I also keep on writing and writing and doing Yoga and Meditation. One of my friend often tells me that it's been a long time already in leading a life of a Recluse. My Publisher is more worried than I'm when it comes to my loneliness.

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 4 years ago from Illinois

      Hi Evelyn, I can relate and I'm so glad you found my article helpful. I, too, have to push myself to get out in the world and sometimes it's just easier to stay in and avoid all the obstacles that life throws at you....but then, I think about that old saying...Good things never come easy but when you work for them and they finally arrive they seem a whole lot sweeter. Just be you! I bet people will respect you and love you for it. Hugs!

    • profile image

      Evelyn 4 years ago

      Hi HoneyBB,

      I really enjoyed your article. I recently have wanted to be reclusive more than anything. I have always felt like an outsider looking at other people's lives wondering why they were happy; didn't they know life is miserable!

      I had NO childhood; no guidance at all. I had to learn all the social graces by myself. I have worked all my life to be like everyone else and was successful at it but it was never really me.

      I have just started to write a blog about my childhood and it has made me so insightful, as has your writing, as to why I am this way. Thank you so much, I needed this.

    • dwachira profile image

      [ Danson Wachira ] 5 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

      Hi HoneyBB,

      I believe communication is the key in such situations especially after undergoing bad experiences. This was useful information, glad that you shared it. Voted up.

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      What an insightful observation, Marisa. I never thought about how people convince themselves to accept the lives they fall into while avoiding changes that could improve their worlds. Very interesting and thought-provoking. Thanks for reading and sharing your wisdom.

    • Marisa Wright profile image

      Kate Swanson 5 years ago from Sydney

      One thing I've learned is that people are very, very good at self-justification. In other words, when you've got into a situation and it's going to scary to change it, it's human nature to try to convince yourself you don't want to change it!

      So for instance, I've met many women who claim they love being single, or recluses who say they love being alone, but deep down they know that's not true - they're lonely and unhappy. But if they admitted it to themselves they'd go and slit their wrists, so they have to tell themselves it's fine. The trouble is that also means they don't attempt to do anything to make things better, either.

      I've certainly met people who are genuinely happier on their own, but I don't think they are all that common - so it's important for each person to examine your own motives.

    • RTalloni profile image

      RTalloni 5 years ago from the short journey

      An interesting look at balance. Viva weighing our time to have it!

    • Denmarkguy profile image

      Peter Messerschmidt 5 years ago from Port Townsend

      Interesting article!

      It feel it's important, however, to distinguish between introversion-- a fundamental character trait-- and wanting to be alone as a result of trauma or other negative social experiences in the past.

      I'm an introvert-- which in the psychological sense-- means I energize and "recharge my batteries" in solitude. Going out with a bunch of friends is the LAST thing on the planet I need when I want to "relax." My extraverted friends sometimes label me as a "recluse" or "hermit," but we're merely looking at different (normal) aspects of the human experience through different lenses of perception.

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      Thanks jantamaya for reading, commenting, and voting...It's hard to drag ourselves out of the house sometimes but we have to do it for our own sakes! LOL

    • jantamaya profile image

      Maria Janta-Cooper 5 years ago from UK

      I think, we writers like to be in the recluse. Without being there, we would not write. We only should know that too much of recluse isn't good for us :-) This is why your article is so valuable. Voted up.

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      Yes DDE, thanks for reading and commenting.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      I totally agree with you getting out is so important to change the way we live

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      Well thank you Vincent, It sounds like we have some things in common. Enjoying my somewhat solitude but I have my son to keep me in the grid. I don't know what I'm going to do when he goes off to college. I suppose I will write and write and write.

    • profile image

      Vincent Moore 5 years ago

      What a very interesting article. There are a number of issues that nailed me to a tee. Although not a total recluse, I tend to enjoy my solitude. I use to be a social butterfly in my careers and marriages, but when all those fell apart in time, I fell off the grid. I have a chosen select few friends who I entertain at my place over dinners and vice versa.

      However I keep a low profile now, doing a lot of writing, reading, cooking, exercising and part-time working. I've owned houses but now enjoy a quaint lovely bachelor suite in the heart of my city. I go out for walks, drives and observe people and my inspirations are fueled by my sojurns. I truly enjoy my privacy, but still require the scent of a woman in my life, yet from a distance.

      She stays in her pad and me in mine, we simply enjoy sleepovers:-)) Thank you for being so observant and opening up my eyes to who I am now. Peace and blessings I send to you this day.

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      A note? Lol! My life is a novel!

    • Kenja profile image

      Ken Taub 5 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Feel free to send a note....

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      Ken, all of the above and then some. I'm not quite sure I want to tell the world though but if you r e a l l y want to know I'll send you it in a message and we can discover what happened together. I imagine it will be a long story. LOL! P.S. thanks for the compliments!

    • Kenja profile image

      Ken Taub 5 years ago from Long Island, NY

      You're cute, bright, apparently big-hearted. Why are you inclined to becoming a partial recluse? Not much to do where you live? Your last significant other act like a significant a-hole? Need a good reason to come out and play? Tell us!

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      Thank you tattuwurn, I also enjoy being a sometimes social recluse. I appreciate your reading, commenting, and voting!

    • profile image

      tattuwurn 5 years ago

      I've enjoyed being a recluse. I do believe that if you can't enjoy your solitude you'll never be a complete individual. Recluse, but not entirely antisocial. I still go out at times and even meet total strangers. I think it's all about balancing your life.

      Thanks for the good article. Voted up and interesting. :)

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      I agree long term seclusion would not be good. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • profile image

      Casimiro 5 years ago

      I often think I would like to be a hermit, off the grid, with plenty of time to pursue my many interests. But, I know I would quickly start to hunger for human company, so there has to be a balance struck. It's pretty easy, short-term, to avoid social contacts, but long-term that diminishes one.

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 5 years ago

      Okay now stop picking on us hermits ! he he , For me its all about exceptance [or not !] of a demise in our cultural behaviors . In public Americans have so quickly fallen into such insultive behaviors that Im actually sick of a faultering society. Stand in a line for an hour , traffic and driving habits , human nature drives some of us to natures peace and serenity ! Simply put people can suck !........great hub for disscussion !

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      Thanks for the comments. I'm the same way as you. Have a nice day!

    • revervoyages profile image

      revervoyages 5 years ago

      Very nice article, HoneyBB! I tend to have cycles: for a few weeks I'll want to be completely on my own, but then I'll want to go out and see my friends every day for another period of time... I never really understood why, but I'm always in one extreme or the other!

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      Thank you SandCastles, I love your screen name! Sometimes, it's hard to imagine that there could be more than one good apple in the basket, but have no fear, there are more of us out here. I wish you didn't have to work hard to keep your spirit up but I know I have to sometimes too and it gets exhausting. I glad you still laugh and appreciate things. don't let those mean people bring you down.

    • profile image

      SandCastles 5 years ago

      I really liked your article. Sometimes mean people can make me anti-social but I will never let them break me. I work hard to keep my spirit strong so I can laugh and appreciate because mean people try to break our spirits so that we become bitter and afraid.

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      I know what you mean, Hyphenbird. I needed a little reminding myself. Thanks for the comment.

    • Hyphenbird profile image

      Brenda Barnes 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

      I love being at home and can stay in for days if allowed. But it is not good for us to become isolated. There can be a good balance. Thanks for reminding me there is life outside these walls. lol

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      Thanks Dancing Water, The fact that I'm writing you right back says it all. LOL!

    • Dancing Water profile image

      Dancing Water 5 years ago

      An insightful hub with food for thought for us recluses! Kudos to you! Thank you!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I am a quasi-recluse...or as I'm lovingly called, "a hermit." Not to a negative degree, but I am a bona fide "Home body" and love my peace, solitude and comfort. For me, it's more about not liking crowds or lots of noise and activity. There are days on end, I will do my own thing and just be very content, living in the moment. I guess I am a laid-back sort of woman and I don't appreciate a lot of drama or hub-bub in my world. I take time to get out and do things...see family and friends, but I control my life and time & energies as I choose....however I am the happiest.

    • HoneyBB profile image
      Author

      Helen Laxner 5 years ago from Illinois

      Thanks for reading and for the compliment! I, too, tend to hide away a little too much!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      I have a tendency to enjoy my solitary moments each day, not exactly reclusive, but it does allow me to feel like I can "hide" from the world. I agree that you have to get out there to establish a healthy habit of socialization. Very well done.

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