Infatuation Is a Temporary Illusion: How to Escape the Pain

Updated on July 23, 2017
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I study neuroscience and am fascinated by infatuation; it's such a strong, mysterious thing, yet it is entirely scientifically explainable.

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This Too Shall Pass

I will start this by saying that however deep and impossible your situation feels, you will leave this infatuated state. There will be a day when you can think about this special person without any type of pain or passion. You will remember how strongly you felt towards them while they didn't have the same feelings for you, and it will seem completely crazy that you were so stuck in infatuation.

It is cliché and irritating when people tell you this, but time is the only thing that will make you feel less magnetically drawn to someone who you cannot be with. You cannot magic away these feelings because they are a strong illusion created by chemicals in your brain. Over time, your brain chemicals will balance out again and this person, essentially a stimulus, will not inspire the same physiological response in your brain. That is how infatuation ends, and you should think about your situation scientifically like this as it helps (as opposed to thinking romantically or focusing on the joy that the infatuation can bring, since it mainly brings pain).

Poignant Song: Infatuated With A Friend

What Is an Infatuation?

Are you currently struggling with huge, incredibly deep feelings for someone that you will never be with? We use the term "infatuation" (also limerance) to describe the state of being utterly enamoured by and obsessed with someone; it is the wildest thing that a human can experience in the sober, base-line state. The invisible pull that you feel will seem so novel and colossal in strength that, if experiencing infatuation for the first time, you will be certain that you will "never feel this again", and that this person is "the one". After all, your body and mind react so strongly and surely to them that it is impossible to imagine a life worth living that doesn't have them at the centre of it. This is not the case, as you will experience several infatuations in your life if you are prone to them.

Due to differing genetics and brain chemistry, some people are more prone to entering limerance than others; in fact, some will never experience this roller coaster of euphoria and insecurity. Unrequited crushes are normal and not too much of an issue; unrequited infatuation not only encompasses incredibly powerful attraction, admiration and a general feeling of "love" towards the subject, but is also agonising and depressive by nature.

If the infatuated cannot be with the person that they desire, they will likely enter a deep depression and will feel completely out of order for weeks or months, until the feelings fade or they gain closure. Irrational thoughts and misery normally accompany this rollercoaster experience, as well as physical symptoms such as elevated libido and lack of appetite (due to an excess of dopamine in the brain).

1949, Lana Del Rey
1949, Lana Del Rey

Is It a Normal Crush or an Infatuation?

You may wonder how we can define things as vague and fluid as romantic feelings. However, the line between a healthy crush and a problematic infatuation is not as thin as it seems. Crushes can be unwanted and painful, bringing ups and downs into our lives, but a true infatuation blows a crush out of the water. If deeply infatuated with someone that you cannot be with, you will think irrational thoughts such as "I want to die - X isn't in my life and everything else makes me miserable".

These thoughts are falsehoods, for the world is so open that you will definitely encounter other people (as well as places, music and even fashion trends) that you find fascinating.

If you are simply experiencing a romantic crush, you will find the person very appealing and may intensely want to date them, but there will be less feeling than there is in limerence - less hormonal influence, less joy, and less crying. The highs will be less euphoric, sure, but the lows will not be nearly as crushing as those experienced in the limerent state.

The difference between a crush and an infatuation is that the former allows you to enjoy the warm feelings and be in control of your emotions, while the latter is extremely unhealthy and causes the sufferer a lot of pain if they cannot be with the person they desire. A crush may feel very strong and you may want to act differently to charm the subject of your feelings, but it will never be as delusional., destructive and fantasy-based as a true infatuation is.

So, how does one differentiate between the two? In short, if you feel so distraught that you cannot be with the person that you are googling for solutions, crying before bed and upon waking, losing interest in activities that you normally love, struggling to imagine a future without the person in your life, you are definitely infatuated and not crushing. You need to treat this like it's a drug addiction and you will stop feeling this way in a matter of weeks or months.

Why Do People Become Infatuated in the First Place?

Most people go through their lives organically forming healthy "crushes"; even when not actively seeking a partner, they will encounter a few people a year that will grab their attention and seem irresistible. After all, this is biologically advantageous; we are mammals and are meant to pursue, and eventually reproduce with, those that we deem physically and emotionally intriguing.

Having said this, I will clarify that your sexual orientation is totally unimportant in your ability to develop all-consuming, raging feelings for someone. This level of feeling is just as prevalent between people of the same gender as it is between those of opposite genders. However, we are wired to pursue, bond with and care for other human beings for the sole reason of reproduction and the survival of our species. If someone is infatuated with someone of the same gender, they will experience all the same crazy emotions as a straight person. Reproduction will not happen, but their biology is still dominating them as if it will.

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What to Do? Understand That Your Feelings Are Scientifically-Explainable and Never Permanent

The wild array of feelings that come along with any form of attraction may seem intangible and wondrous, but they are caused by altered levels of different neurotransmitters. Focusing on the science behind such a strong human experience is crucial in dealing with the pain that it can cause you.

  • Reject dwelling in the infatuation too much. It's incredibly tempting to spend hours writing and lamenting about the subject of your "love", only to enter an even more heightened state of delusion. Even if this isn't your first infatuation and you saw that you got over your last one, remember that, naturally, you will be convinced that this person is the one and that you are ruining your life by missing out on being with them.This is nonsense and is your brain tricking you!
  • The best way to avoid falling into this horrible, fantasy-driven loop of obsessing and fantasising and despairing is to understand the science behind this crazy human experience.
  • It is also incredibly comforting to know that unrequited infatuation very rarely lasts for more than 6-8 months, and often will fizzle out incredibly suddenly earlier than this. This is because infatuation is not logical or grounded at all. It is so, so ephemeral by nature; one day you will look back at this period of your life and it will seem like a wild but distant dream. Trust me on that one.

Feeling Something Intensely Doesn't Mean It's Permanent

Don't get confused and think that, just because you feel such strong passion for this person, your feelings will "last forever" and you will "never get over them". For some reason, when us humans experience something intense or profound, we do what no other animals do and we introduce a poignant aspect of eternality to the situation. It's a huge logical fallacy to think "I feel strongly about X, hence I will ALWAYS feel this way", yet we all do it. Our tragic flaw is, in many ways, that we are aware of time and the future and cannot simply live in the moment and deal with whatever strong feelings we are experiencing as they come and go.

If you think about, a large part of your pain is that you feel that you won't ever have a happy, fulfilled, exciting life without this individual. After all, they've inspired so much energy in you and you haven't felt this way with anyone else before. The truth is that, no, your infatuation will not last long and will certainly not be permanent.

Infatuation has a shelf-life because it is based in the fantasy and reality cannot maintain it. It is such idealisation and irrationality that, once the real world creeps in and you become aware that your feelings are unfounded and inappropriate, they will naturally dissipate. It is for this reason that couples who feel "infatuated" often become bored after around 6 months. They aren't experiencing that surge of initial attraction or the wondrous mystery that their partner made them feel when they first met, because they were simply infatuated then and didn't really know their partner.

What Does It Mean If You're Prone To Infatuation?

Having studied neuroscience for a few years, my attention has been drawn to the fact that those of us who fall into infatuations are 1. prone to this state (will experience it over and over again, even if each one feels novel and "different this time), and 2. we are people who feel things very intensely.

Now, I am aware that virtually every single person on this planet feels certain things strongly and irrationally, but a limerance really is at the top of the scale in terms of intensity, especially since mental illness is usually thrown into the mix. Nearly every single person who I have seen who has fallen into a deep infatuation has been on the spectrum for severe depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder (BPD) or OCD (meaning, they could obtain a psychiatric diagnosis for one of these illnesses).

I don't want to scare you; I am a firm believer that we all sit on spectrums for most mental health conditions, and that there should be no fear or taboo enshrouding this type of information. Many of us could be diagnosed for different things and obtain certain labels, but I don't think we should strive to do this unless our mental health is affecting our quality of life extremely negatively. However, I do have to tell you: infatuation at its worst is not neurotypical. If you tend to live your life emptily, only motivated and made to feel emotion by unobtainable people who you think can make everything okay, then you are most probably mentally ill.

If your self-esteem was moderately high and you were mainly mentally healthy (no depressive episodes, no propensity to obsession, no episodes of mania) then it is highly unlikely that you would fall into an illusion so controlling as infatuation.

As I have mentioned and will continue mentioning in this article, infatuation is a deceitful trick. It's your brain's way of latching onto something that could, in theory, make you happy and take away all your troubles. For this reason, if you are infatuated with someone, you are not happy with your current life. You might want to tell me "I am happy and confident, this person is just so special/beautiful that I need them", but that statement would be yet another dopamine-driven delusion.

If you are prone to infatuation/limerance:

  • you have a lot of love to give to people, whether platonic or romantic (this is a blessing). I suggest that you utilise this in the healthiest possible way and focus on making strong, platonic friendships. You won't feel the high of infatuation and attraction, but you won't experience the horrible lows either, and you will be immensely satisfied because you'll form close bonds and feel understood by people who want to be in your life for genuine reasons, other than desire.
  • as mentioned above, you are probably mentally ill in some way, and could most likely be diagnosed with OCD, depression, anxiety, BPD, or bipolar disorder. Don't let this scare you. A diagnosis would just be putting a label on what you've felt your entire life.
  • you will fall into many more of these horrible infatuations. Don't let them shape your months and years, and don't let your life be a string of feelings for different people with you making no advancements in your own life. Even if you don't feel like you need to, force yourself to make friends, to exercise, to work and to read books. You'll be pleasantly surprised at how quickly you actually make new brain pathways and *escape* this hell.
  • you're very prone to fantasising about ideas, people and concepts that could, in theory, help you "escape" the current life or situation that you have. Use this to your advantage. It just means that your brain is prone to creating dopamine pathways to motivate you. Currently, you're motivated to get this person in your life, but you can use this concept to enjoy other things intensely, like academics, hobbies, pets etc. Become obsessed with another country, and make it your mission to learn the language fluently and move there within the next 8 years. Notice things other than people that spark your interest and get you thinking "my life would be amazing IF ...". Some would advise against this, but I believe it's the only healthy way to cope with a propensity to idolising people. People will hurt you too much but hobbies/pets/languages/exercise won't, so obsess over them instead.
  • unless you can somehow recover from this (unlikely), your partners will never be on the same page as you. They will never love you as fiercely as you "love" them, because they will never be consumed by someone in the way that people consume and fill your existence. This seems sad but is reality. Your mental issues aren't their problem. Find some sweet comfort in the isolation. It's hard but possible.

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Yes, This Is Just One of Your Many Phases!

Live in the moment and deal with any false, irrational thoughts like "this will last forever". Every time you think that, correct yourself and remember that you're feeling something very strong and unpleasant, but that's all it is and in no way does this equate to any form of permanence.

You can feel things strongly without them lasting forever! I don't know why we, as humans, struggle with this idea so much. There are so many sensory afflictions that come and go. For example, think of a terrible illness where you're vomiting constantly and can barely walk. You feel like you're never going to feel well again, but days later, you bounce back. The illness is just a faint memory that doesn't even inspire much emotion in you. Similarly, sometimes we come across music that we love and then can barely stand to hear it a month later.

We, as humans, go through many phases in our life. Phases are definitely valid life experiences, but find comfort in their ephemerality! This boy or girl is a phase in your life, albeit an intense one. One day, you will look back and associate them with whatever music you're currently listening to, the clothes you're currently wearing and the way that you feel. That is because those aspects of your life are also a phase. This person won't make your heart skip forever. If you take one thing from this article, let it be that. You won't believe me now, but there will come a time when you don't care who they date, and their name won't even stand out to you in a list. Human emotions are weird, huh?

Remember: You Love Your Brain's Chemicals, Not This Person

Unless you are experiencing a healthy crush within reality (just attraction and the feeling of connection), your infatuation is a result of an unhealthy dopamine reward circuit that your brain has essentially created as a survival mechanism. You are so depressed/unfulfilled/lonely that your brain knows that real life isn't offering much for you in terms of incentive to live, so it creates its own happiness in order to temporarily relieve you from unhappiness and nihilism.

Infatuation is the brain making its own fun. Your brain provides you with a sugary high full of wonder and hope and promises for the future, and then when real life doesn't follow the illusion (e.g. when the person unsurprisingly doesn't devote their entire life to you because they have their own life/feelings), you will experience the crash.

Mocking yourself slightly and realising that your brain is "glitching" in this way is imperative. Tell yourself, "I love dopamine, not him/her!". If the attraction wasn't there, and you knew their personality inside out, would you still "need" them? It's almost impossible that you would. You might love them in a genuine way, just like some elderly couples love each other after years of commitment, but it wouldn't be delightful and euphoric. It wouldn't be what you're craving now, believe me.

Find comfort in the above. If you find yourself thinking "I've met him at the wrong point in my life, we could have grown old together etc." remember that the romance wouldn't feel like this for more than a few months anyway. Yes, maybe if you had met this man in 5 years time you'd date and then marry him and be happy (in the stable sense of the word, with no thrill), but the truth is that that's not even what you want. You want to be able to act on the passionate feelings that you currently have, and for those to last forever, which is why the supposed "missed connection" is so sad and hard for you to cope with. The thing is, as I've explained, that concept of living with him forever and feeling this way with him forever is a fairytale that your brain has created.

In short: your brain has messed up here, and is misunderstanding the situation. We are animals at the end of the day, and our bodies function to promote survival, often not bothering about our feelings. Don't listen to what your brain is telling you and try not to crave the highs that it is offering you!

Neuroscience: What Causes Infatuation?

Understanding the science behind this turbulent experience is crucial, and is the only way to think practically without being nihilistic and numbing yourself to your feelings. This area of neuroscience is fascinating, as it deals with human experiences that seem so spiritual and magical that it's hard to believe that they are caused and controlled by relatively simple chemicals. However, a handful of neurotransmitters control all aspects of your mood and mental health, and therefore can explain every thought and motive that an infatuation will cause you to experience.

1. Dopamine is the "pleasure chemical", and relates to euphoria, addiction and craving. It can also inspire goal-based behaviour, e.g. wanting to save money to plan an elaborate trip, or, more relevantly, wanting that "perfect life" with some. When you first fall into infatuation and you cannot imagine happiness with anyone else, it is dopamine acting.

When norepinephrine is also released, the two neurotransmitters can undergo a reaction and produce not only an elated mood, but also focused attention, hyper-activity and loss of appetite. All of these changes can be witnessed in the "lovesick"; you develop tunnel vision during these biochemical changes. You are greatly inspired by anything to do with the other person, and bored at the rest of the world, for it all seems so dull compared to the object of your passion. Norepinephrine, which is similar to adrenaline, also contributes to the feeling of the racing heart and excitement associated with love.

2. Serotonin is low when you are infatuated, which is counterintuitive, as high levels of serotonin are also commonly associated with "lovey-dovey" feelings. In fact, taking ecstasy causes a great release of this neurotransmitter, and depression is caused by low levels of it. However, the infatuated brain shows the same low serotonin levels as someone with OCD, which explains the obsessive nature of infatuation, and hence why you should avoid romanticizing your state and realize that you are essentially mentally ill while in the throes of this level of passion.

3. Adrenaline activates stress responses in the body, and is involved with infatuation. It activates the levels of other hormones like cortisol. These all activate the sympathetic nervous system, causing trembling, sweating and an increased heart rate.

4. Oxytocin is released during intimate acts, cuddling and other forms of close, trust-based contact. It is slightly different to the others, as it does not directly cause "infatuation". In other words, it does not contribute to the insanely powerful passion that one feels while infatuated. Rather, it adds to the experience by increasing the sweet feelings of trust and fondness. For this reason, it is also extremely important in relationships after the infatuation and hence the craving (caused by dopamine) wears off. If the people in the relationship do not possess adequate amounts of oxytocin (and vasopressin), it is unlikely that the relationship will last once they have passed through the drugged-up stage of infatuation and are suddenly aware of each other's flaws.

I urge you to think about the science behind your feelings, as it will help you rationalise what you feel.

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I hope that this hub has helped you rationalise your feelings. Please leave comments based on the polls (tell your story!), or just about anything to do with infatuation, neuroscience or romance. I would love to hear what your mental health is like and whether you are prone to other phases/obsessions. Commenting would help me massively - and thank you for reading and voting!

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    • profile image

      shah 3 days ago

      unrequited crush dont cause pain i get attracted to many girls nothing matters but unrequited infatuation is troublesome i spent half of 2014 and 2015 in terrible pain only in 2016 i could balance out still i am infatuated and not able to get over bcoz the person stays near me

    • profile image

      shah 3 days ago

      you didnt answer my question

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      shah 4 days ago

      the person who i am infatuated i see her occasionally this is reason my infatuation is not ending i dont want to get infatuated again i came to know she is stays nearby i see her almost everyday not willingly this is reason my infatuation is not fading i am still obsessed with her even though my feelings have faded greatly i was not having courage to face her time has been healer could you please suggest me something

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      shah 4 days ago

      why the infatuated and crush or attraction person becomes completely repsulive when infatuated or crush ends i cant understand plz tell at one time we are obessed with them to such a extent that we are totally in delusion once it fades we feel nothing

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      shah 6 days ago

      today suprise the lady called me i was not even aware she was there how to handle this infatuation i was going for some work suppose any girl talks to you when you dont know her name example you just to bank and that girl or women talks to you or ask you personal things i never ask anyone any personal things what to conclude on this is does my infatuated person likes me truely i never interfere in anyone personal matters

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      shah 6 days ago

      the person with whom i am infatuated stays nearby i see regularly when she comes in office and goes she stays near so my infatuation is not ending bcoz being in infatuated state i will have desire to see her once she leaves this office hardly i may see her or she leaves the place where she is staying infatuation will end bcoz separation plays vital role in infatuation my first infatuation the person was far away isolated so infatuation this person meets me occasionly not personally what to do in this case my feelings have faded to great extent

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      shah 7 days ago

      i had the thinking that crush attraction dont cause pain infatuation causes pain same thing you have written my thinking matches with you many times what i think becomes true is it coincidence or my intution is strong not only infatuation many thinking becomes true what could be reason any idea

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      shah 8 days ago

      thanks to time infatuation has ended almost i beg to god that dont me get infatuated to some other person infatuation is sign of nature that it is superior to us and we humans need to be follow rules of nature rather than fight with them be in nature rules and regulations and nature will bless you with all sorts of happiness infatuation will fade away

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      shah 8 days ago

      all three times i got infatuated to elder girls and women in college i had crush on girl who has one year senior first infatuation one girl was year older now this women is elder than me how this coincidence three times is there any age factor in infatuation

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      shah 9 days ago

      except time nothing can end infatuation plz any suggestion that person should never get infatuated enough infautation i had

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      shah 10 days ago

      is there any time span between infatuations i had infatuation after five years i want it to be last

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      shah 10 days ago

      this curiosity and obesession last only till we are attracted or infatuated once it fades who cares we are so busy in daily routine when infatuation happens and ends it seems like bad dream and eventually our brain says that enough pained has happened and let them go

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      Lucy 11 days ago from London, UK

      You could say the same about men - the real truth is that it is impossible to read someone's mind, something that we seem to want to be able to do when infatuated with someone.

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      Shah 11 days ago

      I understood she is married no way she can be mine she likes or me not I don't care bcoz despite infatuated I am in my senses see my question is it impossible to understand ladies forget this person in general ladies no can understand

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      Lucy 11 days ago from London, UK

      If she is sometimes brisk and cold with you, it is likely that she doesn't really like you and is just being polite the other times (when she is friendly). Sorry to break it to you, but there is no point pursuing someone who occasionally ignores you. It's a definite sign that they don't truly like you and that you irritate or bore them. You may be coming across as creepy. I would never ignore someone I liked, whether romantically or platonically.

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      Shah 11 days ago

      Lucy is it impossible to understand women sometimes the person I am infatuated talks very good other times ignores me I feel good bad what to conclude

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      shah 12 days ago

      see strength of infatuation the person whom i was infatuated stayed very far even though i didnt care i just want to be with her this peak heat lasted 4 6 months later this faded now i will not even go to place and dont care where this girl is

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      Shah 12 days ago

      Thanks for appreciating my comment lucy

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      Lucy 12 days ago from London, UK

      This is very poignant and relevant to the subject of infatuation, thank you for commenting :)

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      shah 12 days ago

      i remember the pained infatuated state which i had during 18 months it feels almost nothing now what is so special abt infatuated person they have same features we have problem is with brain chemcials who doesnt agree but it will also agree with time i think crush attraction infatuation are all same except infatuation causes pain and crush attraction doesnt overtime all will end

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      AbyCh 12 days ago

      I have been infatuated with a girl since I was 15 and it has been 17 years but I have never been able to come out of it. She has been communicating with me initially for a short period of 3 months or so and I started falling for her. Then her being away from me was merely 'out of touch' factor but the craving to be with her grew with every morning. I used to search for her in our community events and always felt on a high even at her glimpse. When I realised that this is something more than being a bit weird I strongly felt the thoughts of a romantic relationship. Strangely she must have felt something weirder and even our greetings and friendly gestures came to a halt, and she typically even ignored me in a lot of common sightings. I started feeling shattered and even disgusted at the fact that I might have been bothering her and I started to avoid her glimpses but of course the craving grew within. Few years ago I got married and a couple of years later even she got married, it wondered to me like I have moved on but I never did. I am not sure about her but my instinct says she never even needed to move on as she was probably never even there. Possibly everything was a figment of imagination in my mind but I strongly felt there was, or rather is, a connect. I always have this feeling of emptiness despite being with my family and friends, and I am almost sure now that I can never get her out of my mind however my world evolves. God knows whether there is a solution but at times I felt the ecstasy was positive in upbringing of my spirituality and fine tuned my personal and professional growth too. Though the only worries are the gloomy and dry moments.

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      shah 2 weeks ago

      i think i will continue to be attracted to this person bcoz attraction doesnt cause pain difference between crush attraction infatuation infatuation is delusional attraction is not i am writing this bcoz i liked this article i used to write this two years before when bulk pain of infatuation ended

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      shah 2 weeks ago

      i am close to ending infatuation i thought it will never end during 18 months i felt so much pain i myself dont know when the main hit of infatuation ended infatuation is ephemeral yes it lasts one year or two three but it is very less as compared to human life even you may great self control infatuation is difficult to handle only time helps

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      shah 2 weeks ago

      during jan 2016 to march 2016 it was 18 months since i was infatuated i use to write comments on infatuation and depression many people liked my articles people began to follow me i stopped this in march reason the peak heat of infatuation was over i made sure that infatuation should nt spoil my life even it pained a lot

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      shah 2 weeks ago

      is there any way we can get of infatuation permanently and dont get into it again

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      how brain chemicals balance out again with time i have observed one thing once the person with whom we have crush infatuated or attracted they never appear attractive to us ever again we value them so much later we ditch them

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      plz suggest something that we should never fall in infatuation from now enough i had

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      i am recalling the horrible mid 2014 and 2015 terrible infatuation period i came to my senses in jan 2016 still infatuation is not ending even though it is weak now

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      you say that some people will never get infatuated i asked ten people both males females who got infatuated how this is possible person will get attracted to someone in life

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      lucy kindly suggest something for my question

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      the person i am infatuated i recalled how strongly i felt during intial 18 months see the same person has restarted becoming repulsive i want to end it permanently and dont want to get infatuated with anyone i am afraid i see anyone new person anywhere i may get infatuated i am playing gamble plz suggest

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      Nando 3 weeks ago

      This article is overtly pessimistic. I'm borderline and get extremely infatuated with the people I'm in relationships with. This can mean breakups ruin my mental health for months afterwards, but it also means that when I find people compatible with my romantic obsession, I experience an incredible level of emotional connection with them.

      Saying "you will never find anyone who loves you the way you love them" is outright deceptive. I *have*. It's the most fulfilling relationship I've ever been in. We have absolute trust and complete devotion to eachother. I'm outright grateful for my obsessive tendencies because the mutual infatuation is what powers our relationship.

      There are positive ways to express these tendencies. Like I said, I'm borderline. Most of my emotions are exaggerated. Trying to say 'your emotions are invalid' does nothing to help anybody. There are ways to properly express infatuation. I've done it, and other people can, too.

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      why we find that attracted crush infatuated person completely repulsive and unattractive we abandon them recklessly i am myself shocked that person who i was attracted it faded within six months she gave me smile i didnt reply what could be reason any advice

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      do you mean to say that i will have to face many infatuations

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      Lucy 3 weeks ago from London, UK

      Since you've had infatuations you are prone to them.

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      am i prone to infatuation i had just two infatuations in my life second is still running i had crush in college which lasted 1 1/2 years suddenly my crush faded bcoz i decided to concentrate on studies i am healthy in general nature dont have depression no moods am i prone to infatuation plz answer

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      plz explain when i was infatuated it pained me never thought of suicide came to my mind infact many good materialstic things happened with me i want to ask that why suicide thought didnt nt came to my mind i am healthy mentally no depression except infatuation pain any advice

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      I need to get rid of infatuation the person stays near so i see her regurlarly her home and office is nearby any suggestions i am asking bcoz i see her daily if she was living far away infatuation could have ended my first infatuation lasted two years barely i saw that lady four times she was isolated this person is nearby

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      Shah 3 weeks ago

      The person I am infatuated was also married she has done anything wrong to me she ignored me I avoided her for entire year I was not having courage to face I think reason people commit crime when infatuated or in love with someone they cannot understand they are in confused state regretting later is of no use doing any harm to self or others is of no use pray to god that your brain chemicals balance again and rid if this person permanently what they do in their life non of my business

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      shah 3 weeks ago

      thanks i dont have the desire right now to be the person i am infatuated but since that person stays nearby i will have to face her i think she is good in nature

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      Lucy 3 weeks ago from London, UK

      I'm glad your second infatuation is improving! As long as you are aware of the illusion behind the infatuated state, you will probably find that each subsequent infatuation is weaker and more based in reality. The first 2-3 tend to be the worst.

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      my fear is that if i get infatuated with some other person then what to do two infatuations somehow i managed to handle it has become very weak almost ended

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      Shah 4 weeks ago

      Thank god infatuation is ephemeral by nature I thought it becomes permanent person will become mad

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      Lucy 4 weeks ago from London, UK

      There is no average. Yes, it can happen after marriage and at any point.

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      Shah 4 weeks ago

      Plz ask psychiatrist in average human life how many times person gets infatuated

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      can infatuation happen after marriage and in thirties

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      Lucy 4 weeks ago from London, UK

      I have been studying neuroscience for several years myself (at university level), and have worked alongside psychiatrists.

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      plz dont consider as me obessive lover i am infatuated infatuation and strong brain chemcials are the reason i have the desire to be with the person this person works in office nearby within year hundreds of people came and left none of them i got attracted to i dont know their name and dont remember there faces even when infatuated deeply neither that person or i have done anything wrong to each other once infatuation fades i will not even see the photo of that person i write this bcoz i liked this article and this may help someone

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      lucy while writing this article have you spoken to neurosurgeon i mean how you could gather this info and wrote this article

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      Shah 4 weeks ago

      Thanks to your blog my infatuation has faded greatly this person I am finding faults in her and wondering what special she is that I had so much admiration for

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      Shah 4 weeks ago

      No issues I will write articles here only

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      Lucy 4 weeks ago from London, UK

      Sorry, I do not have social media

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      lucy 4 weeks ago

      do u have facebook page plz tell name

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      Lucy 4 weeks ago from London, UK

      I'm glad it helps you! Thank you

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      this is best article about infatuation i have ever read infatuation is epheremal unpredictive when it ends hardly that person matters to you

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      Shah 4 weeks ago

      In Jan 2016 when I was infatuated I used to write similar articles I stopped this in March now my infatuation has become weak and since I liked your article I write comments

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      Shah 4 weeks ago

      You are right infatuation is not neurotypical first of all infatuation is difficult to handle if it becomes neurotypical person will become complete mad even in infatuated state never thought of suicide came to my mind

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      Shah 4 weeks ago

      You didn't answer my last question

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      Shah 4 weeks ago

      You have mentioned that unrequited infatuation doesn't last 6 8 months I felt much pain during this time but my question is why I am having desire to be close to the person still now

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      how many times in lifetime can person get infatuated any idea i had two infatuations that enough i dont want any more forget crush attraction they dont cause pain

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      funny thing see when i was first infatuated nearly two years later i went to astrologer he told me about my wife reading my chart i was obessed with one girl later it faded hardly in month five years later i came across this lady who descrition is same what astrologer told see you want to buy anything that thing gets sold you may buy same thing from antoher shop similar this lady i wont get but i may get another girl that time astrolger told me follow what i say i am glad that my pervious infatuation faded and astrolger was right

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      does eating junk food creating problems in handling infatuation bcoz sugar foods create imbalance in brain chemicals in 2015 i eat lot of chocolates in 2016 rarely i eat i dont feel much brain now

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      i felt so much pain in half of 2014 and entire 2015 in 2016 i bounced back it is not easy to handle infatuation i decided to avoid that person time separation plays role in breaking infatuation

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      thanks for appreciating my comments

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      Lucy 4 weeks ago from London, UK

      I'm so glad it helps you! Feel free to continue :)

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      by commenting frequently i able to express my feelings bcoz i am lonely this is a medium to express my sorrows attraction crush are no issues they can be tackled easily not infatuation the person with whom i am infatuated stays nearby i see her daily this is reason my infatuation is not ending though feelings has faded greatly

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      i read this blog daily it helps me

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      Lucy 4 weeks ago from London, UK

      How often do you read this hub? Does frequently commenting help you?

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      infatuation is illness like acidity headache it pains you later you bounce back you feel this pain will last forever it doesnt i had headache today it pained for hours i had medicine again i am normal same with infatuation

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      shah 4 weeks ago

      i dont want to get infatuated with anyone anymore two infatuations i had enough is there any way we can stop falling in infatution yes i know feelings fade and infatuation ends but there is horrible intial period this worries me i am afraid seeing beautiful person i will fall in infatuation

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      shah 5 weeks ago

      what could be reason that the person whom we value so much crush attraction infatuation becomes so repulsive that we dont want to see that person same has happened with me why we abandon them

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      shah 5 weeks ago

      i could have read your website back in may 2014 this could have helped me handle infatuation better i will tell story of mine i saw this woman in may 2014 became infatuated first 4 - 5 months she used to talk properly i used to feel energtic then in october she ignored me i saw her in jan 2015 she ignored me i felt so cheap that i decided not to see her face in life i saw her in may i was even to afraid to see her fearing she may ignore me then in jan 2016 when infatuation became weak i saw her now i dont feel pain as compared to 2014 2015 i avioded her for entire 2015 infatuation is so strong creating pain confusion irritation in brain only cure is time

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      Shah 5 weeks ago

      Divide infatuation into parts intial four to six months very painful may continue uptil year 18 months later it becomes weak average age of infatuation is 18 months to 24 months it will end between this or later

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      shah 5 weeks ago

      infatution should end completely it becomes weak with time but should end permanently until it ends ur obession doesnt stop

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      shah 5 weeks ago

      i think infatuation is sign of god indicating that u cannot fight with nature and u shouldnt

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      Shah 5 weeks ago

      I think we are destined to get infatuated

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      shah 5 weeks ago

      after infatuation fades the same things also become repulsive i got attracted to woman in one bank months later infatuated with other woman earlier i used to bank regularly just to see it was attraction not infatuation still i had desire to see her hardly months later i got infatuated now i dont want to go that bank or place neither want to see that lady

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      shah 5 weeks ago

      u dont get infatuated with person but get obessed with what things or what they do suppose that person who owns this thing u will also like to own that thing u get obessed not only with that person u tend to copy what that person does

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      Shah 6 weeks ago

      Ur right see I love or hate u u will remain same initially when I got infatuated and that lady ignored me it pained a lot after 18 months she is doing same now I know her expressions very well one day will come I will ignore her get rid of infatuation permanently

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      shah 6 weeks ago

      lucy two infatuations i had its enough i want to get rid of infatuation once it for all i dont want to get infatuated with anyone in life are is there any advice you can give for this the person with whom i am infatuated literally broke my attraction with literally ten girls infatuation happens in just first look one second

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      shah 7 weeks ago

      can u plz explain which sort of people will get infatuated many times take my case i got infatuated twice never thought of suicide came to my mind it pained me later it faded am i prone to infatuation plz explain

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      Shah 7 weeks ago

      But infatuation is foolish not matured love how can it happen in old people

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      Lucy 7 weeks ago from London, UK

      Infatuation can happen at any age.

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      shah 7 weeks ago

      can we get infautated in 30 s and 40s i know we get infatuated in adolescent does infatuation happens only in adolescent

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      shah 7 weeks ago

      can u plz tell on average how many infatuations does a person gets infatuated in his life we know crush and attraction are not issue i am asking this bcoz i got infatuated twice it has almost ended i dont want to get infatuated in entire life any suggestions i think we are destined to meet some persons in life and get infatuated

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      shah 7 weeks ago

      ur each and every point is right brain chemicals no one can understand i see many beautiful girls i got infatuated to only two girls in my life i can still remember strong feeling which pained me first girl was living very isolated i met her harldy four times after that i never saw her this infatuation lasted two years now i am infatuated since three years 18 months i had strong feeling now it is weak since this girl stays nearby and i see her regular basis by chance this is reason my current infatuation is not getting waived off even though feelings has dropped very low apart from time separation plays role in getting rid of infatuation

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      shah 8 weeks ago

      lucy you are right i can still remember how strongly i felt when i was infatuated once .it faded with time now i am infatuated second time this too has become weak with time i think the time peroid of infatuation is around 18 months to two years once infatuation fades hardly that person matters to you in fact you will avoid or ignore that person that you gave so much value

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      shah 2 months ago

      lucy can doctors prescribe any drugs to rid of infatuation drug addiction and infatuation are almost same

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      Lucy 2 months ago from London, UK

      It's all the magic of neurotransmitters, like I have explained in this hub.

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      Shah 2 months ago

      Don't worry about attraction crush they don't cause pain main thing is infatuation I am attracted and infatuated only infautation causes pain

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      shah 2 months ago

      i cant understand what magic attraction crush infatuation is it makes u have the desire to be with person u are attracted once it fades u feel emptiness the same person u see dont see nothing matters i will term infatuation as storm which once creates havoc once it goes u feel nothing has happened

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      shah 2 months ago

      attraction crush infatuation are all same difference is attraction is simple doesnt cause any pain crush bit painful infatuation very painful all end in same manner the same person becomes repulsive

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      shah 2 months ago

      infatuation crush attraction will be stopped by brain it depends on brains mood it may fade in days months years and the same brain will make us ditch that person this is my experience

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      shah 2 months ago

      the reason i asked abt fading attraction and infatuation is that sometimes it fades in 4 6 months sometimes 2 years i told abt this to my friends that told me you are lucky but it fade and u will lose interest in that person

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      shah 2 months ago

      if u are able to find some fault abt person u r infatuated ur infatuated will fade in that moment itself example just see ugly photo of that person or your attention gets diverted to another person thing infatuation will fade completely it may not take much time

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      shah 2 months ago

      very good article plz mail me i will give u my emailid

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      Lucy 2 months ago from London, UK

      @shah, I obviously cannot give you an exact time since the brain is incredibly complex. What I can tell you, however, is that if you keep obsessing about infatuation, your feelings will never pass.

      I appreciate the comments and support, but please refrain from spamming my comment section with poorly written messages.

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      shah 2 months ago

      lucy plz exact time in which infatuation fades

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      shah 2 months ago

      we need to handle and get rid of infatuation after all getting attracted to someone or infatuated is not crime its human tendency to get attracted to beautiful things

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      shah 3 months ago

      Infatuation feels like being in love but it is not. The intensity of the emotion is strong but not pure like love