Moving On After the Loss of Your Soul Mate...

Updated on October 2, 2018
Moving on without you...
Moving on without you... | Source

Moving on after the loss of your soul mate, is it even possible?

How many of us have faced the reality of the death of a loved one in our lives? Pretty much everyone, I would imagine.

Today, I'm going to talk specifically about the death of a spouse and/or soul mate.

Physical death – although the doorway into another life for the person who has died – is still a doorway that we can't enter unless we ourselves die. Reading about near-death experiences or perhaps even experiencing it for ourselves does not mean we really know what life is like after our physical death. We simply can't. We weren't meant to know.

But one thing we're always reminded of is the necessity to "carry on." What does "carrying on" mean to the survivor who still has to cope with life here on earth without the presence of the person they are grieving for? I mean, how in the hell are we supposed to do that?

Accepting the Reality of Their Physical Death

Well, for starters, it means accepting the reality of your loved one's physical death. His or her physical body died. Just because we continue to communicate with them in our hearts doesn't mean that their physical body didn't die. It did. Their physical presence will never again be known to us.

We will never again be graced by their shadow, their embrace, their touch, their scent, their laughter, or the eyes that communicated directly into our souls when they looked at us. We will never again have that physical connection with them while we still remain here on earth. Their physical presence is gone, plain and simple. They are no longer able to be there for us in the way they once were.

This can make us feel incredibly lonely, sometimes to the point of feeling unsafe on all fronts. We can no longer share stuff with them. We might look at their framed picture and talk to them, but we still feel very disconnected. Occasionally, we might ask God for a sign, any sign at all, that our loved one is okay and is hearing our never-ending dialogue with them ... but we never get definitive proof, at least not physically.

This is very hard, but we must accept that our loved one is not going to ever again materialize physically to us, no matter how much we pray. It is what it is. They transformed. We didn't.

Re-examining Your Own Faith

At this point, you must be wondering, "Okay, so what's the point here? My loved one died. I am lost without him or her. I still need that person so desperately. How could God be so cruel as to take that love away from me? For that matter, how am I supposed to carry on?"

Our loved ones have already learned all of the lessons they needed to learn while on this planet. I have no doubt that they are now exactly where they are meant to be ... they are surrounded by love and joy and don't want us to hurt over the loss of them in our lives. Instead, they gently guide us each time we falter and keep reminding us, "It's okay. I am surrounded by love, and you will also be surrounded by that same love some day. We are all connected. We are all one."

Re-examining our faith in something greater than ourselves isn't all that difficult once we have lost someone dear to us from this physical world. In order to carry on despite sometimes miserable, lonely circumstances, all we need to ask is, "Did I love that person? Did they touch my heart? Did they make me feel loved?"

If your answer to those questions is yes, then you already have your bigger answer. Once you connect with someone on this planet, you are connected forever. Love is more than an emotional response hardwired into our physical brains ... true love transcends all things physical and is what sustains us through our incredible journeys ... with or without our loved ones. It is the essence of our lives. It is what makes us tick, and we would all die without it.

Living Day to Day – Putting an End to Our Pity Party

"Yeah, but how do I put one foot in front of the other on a day-to-day basis? I mean, this is SO hard for me. How in heck am I supposed to 'carry on'? The love of my life is no longer with me! Don't you get that?"

Yes, I truly do get that. What's the point of going through the motions each and every day if our loved ones are no longer here to share it with us? I mean, it's a pretty empty life, right? All we want to do is speed up our own demise so that we can be with them. Yes, let's pull out that cask of wine or case of beer and live the rest of our lives regretting the things that we never had any control of to begin with.

That type of thinking is okay for a while, but only for a very little while. And I do believe that anyone who has lost someone dear to them is entitled to their meltdowns ... so long as those moments/hours/days of sheer agony and despair don't transform into an entire lifetime of grief.

At the end of the day, after we have cried our eyes out and damned our wretched lives enough times, we have to start thinking about our own contribution to this planet and what that means to us. We have to come to grips with whether or not our day-to-day existence means anything to anybody.

Do you have a son or daughter you've become estranged from? When was the last time you called your elderly father or mother? Did you make someone else smile because of your sense of humour? Did you joke with a co-worker, friend, or a stranger on the subway? What did you do today to contribute to the life of another human being? Are you aware that whatever small token of kindness (without any hidden agenda) you extend to another person is also helping to fortify their soul during their own tough journey through this sometimes brutal and perplexing life we all lead?

Yes, your life has a day-to-day purpose ... even if you have lost the only person you thought could ever understand you or love you for exactly the person you are. You'd be surprised by how many of the good things your loved one taught you can be easily extended to others. Pass on their gift. Share the joy. Make each day an opportunity to do at least one good thing for a fellow human being. That will make your departed loved one very, very happy indeed ... something you will be proud to tell them at the end of the day while you are talking to their photograph.

Finally, Give Yourself Permission to Love Again

"Love again? I doubt it. There will never be another person on this planet who could replace him/her."

True. No one will ever replace your loved one in your heart, nor should they. But to forever close your heart to others would be a real shame. After all, every person on this planet needs love ... it's so basic to our survival. And our hearts are capable of infinite love for as many people as we will let into our lives. Our hearts can never be too full of love.

If you allow your own soul to die inside, you are removing yourself from this existence and are living out the rest of your life almost like a prison sentence ... just crossing off the days on the calendar until you can be with that person again. In the meantime, all of the opportunities to connect with other souls on this earth are passing you by unnoticed. It's no longer your loved one who has become a shadow ... it's you!

Would your loved one want you to suffer so? Would they want you to waste the rest of the precious gift that is your life by never again feeling love for another person? Would they want you to live in mortal fear of experiencing yet another loss of someone you dare to love? Would they want you to feel guilty that you are somehow disrespecting their memory simply because you have found it in your heart to love someone again?

We all know the answers to these questions. In every case, it's an emphatic no.

I know an incredibly loving woman who has survived the death of two husbands, and yet still found it in her heart to love a third. Had she not done that, she wouldn't have had the experience of making someone else's journey through this life as happy as it was. Her gift of love was blessed upon others three times! Do those previous two husbands look down from heaven and say, "Gee, I'm jealous that she's with another man"? No, they say, "Thank you for continuing to be the loving person that you are. That is why I fell in love with you in the first place."

Another woman that I know died peacefully a few months ago. She was the fiancée of my best friend. She herself had lost her husband before she met my friend. She used to say to him that her departed husband had picked him out for her!

During the time she was alive, I saw such an incredible transformation in my friend, I can't even begin to tell you. His step was lighter, his eyes twinkled more, and his self-confidence soared. She truly was the "love of his life." A love he never would have known had she shut off her heart to the world while she waited to join her deceased husband. She made an incredibly wonderful difference in the life of my dear friend ... and I thank her for that.

He says to me now, "When I die, I know that she will be there on one side and he will be there on the other. They will both be there to greet me when my time comes."

At the end of the day, love always wins and living with a closed-off heart always loses.

This one's for you, my beloved Shaun. Thank you for teaching me how to live with an open heart. I love you.

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    • profile image

      LotusMoon 

      6 weeks ago

      10 years ago i lost my first love to cancer. I fell in love with her the instant I saw her picture on social media of all places. I reached out to her and we quickly fell in love. I am hapily married now and love my wife dearly but i still grieve her loss. For some reason, these past few days a wave of grief has come over me. Perhaps because my wife is on travel and i am feeling a bit lonely. I have only loved two people her and my current wife. However, first loves are special, at least mine was

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      7 weeks ago

      Dear Sue,

      Thank you for sharing your experience after the loss of your soul mate of 41 years. And yes, it sure does feel surreal when your loved one is suddenly no longer physically there to hug you, hold you, cry and laugh with you, or make you feel totally safe and at peace in his loving arms.

      Please remember that you will always be connected to your beloved soul mate. And he will continue to love you and protect you in the best way he knows how - all it takes is to quietly listen for his guidance. He, like your own beating heart (if you listen to it), will never lead you astray, I promise.

      Wishing you many blessings going forward,

      M

    • profile image

      allanespos 

      3 months ago

      I lost my wife, lover and friend of 39 years April of last year. I loved her from the day I "saw" her. Although we were neighbors, I did not really know her until we met at her cousin's debut party. Spur of the moment, I asked her to be my wife, which we did 10 years later. She died of sepsis in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Brought her ashes back home to fulfill a promise. I don't know what's in store for me after losing the love of my life.

    • profile image

      Sara 

      4 months ago

      After being with my husband of 12 years he passed away 2 and a half months after my mother. He truly is my soulmate. It's been 3 years since he passed away and I recently remarried. Sometimes I feel bitterness towards my new husband for not being my deceased husband. I try to open my heart not that he makes it easy all the time. But no matter what I never want my deceased husband to think I love my new husband more. Because I NEVER will.

    • profile image

      Simon Buttery 

      4 months ago

      Thank you for this post I lost the love of my life six weeks ago to sepsis we were going to get married in March next year we loved each other so so much I am finding it so hard to cope with as Debbie was only 53 years old.

    • profile image

      Bob 

      4 months ago

      What if your responsible from lack of action when they were ill but you didn’t want to be that guy second guessing them

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      5 months ago

      Dear newstart4jm,

      I am so sorry for your loss and that you feel you have no one you can reach out to for support.

      You mentioned that your loved one was a 'secret' soul mate, thus perhaps friends and family wouldn't understand the depth of your grief. Please know that there are many others who do, and we are all here to support you.

      Because it's been over four months since you last wrote in, I would love to hear an update from you to see how you've been holding up during this incredibly sorrowful time in your life.

      God bless,

      M

    • profile image

      Cathey Frye 

      5 months ago

      I lost my husband of 35 years to cancer he fought it to stay with me for 2 years and 6 months . He suffered so much pain with chemo and radiation and surgery all to loose his battle . I still feel so lost to the point of making myself sick. He was my partner ,my lover and my soul mate . We worked to gather in our successful business . We spent every waking moment to gather . Where do I go from here? My first husband died from a car accident so I know the grief process but this time it is different because my children are grown and it is just me and my Yorkie . I know life goes on with or without us . I just want to be happy again . I lost my son the year before my husbands death so I know all types of death . I almost died when my son died ,my husband said he thought I almost grieved my self to death. I hope to some day be able to laugh again and live whats left of my life to the full extent . I am in the process of selling my dream home that my husband and I built to gather it is to much for me to care for .

    • profile image

      Scotty Sipe 

      8 months ago

      I lost my wife of 31 years at the age 46, she had the flue, turned into pneumonia the doctors made several mistakes and God came and took her. She was the most amazing women. We met when we was 15 had three kids before we was 21 and raised a village of kids. She was my best friend, my wife, my kids mother and my grandkids grandmother, really she was awesome at everything always went 10 times expectations.

      At 46 I had never experienced heartbreak all my parents and siblings are still alive this was and will always be the most horrific tragedy in my life. I have strong faith and great relationship with god. Still I walked through hell went as far down as man can go with out death and I truly thought I would die. I have strong spiritual foundation it’s help me to conect and accept. My wife was a special sexy complete 10 my life’s desires her smile drove every compassion every ounce of motivation I needed. We was extremely close and aggressive family we spent a lot of time together, even after my kids growled up and got married.

      It’s hard to look forward but I must finish what ever gods plan is for me so we can dance across heaven for eternity.

      The hardest lessons teach us the most

      Love is the most important thing we can do have love for everyone it’s love that gives us passion, allows us to forgive, builds our faith, love conquers all that’s wicked and stops all that’s evil, if not for Gods love Christ’s love and the holly Ghosts love none of us would stand a chance so it is love, with love we can live with integrity, humility and serve generosity so that ensures our eternity.

      Every door is open for me I will let my faith my relationship with god and his and my love guide me home and I will serve serve every one with all my compassion so he will serve me.

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      8 months ago

      Dear Sherrie and Dacheng,

      Thank you for reaching out to me via email.

      I have no doubt that your loved ones are with you every step of the way, even if you can no longer physically touch them or hear their voice.

      If your love for them influences the rest of your life on this planet for the better, then they have already fulfilled their mission through you. By loving you unconditionally, they have also freed you to love others unconditionally.

      Think about it. How many hurting souls can you think of who really need your kindness right now? It's a lesson that your soul mate wanted you to learn after they had already learned it.

    • profile image

      Gail 

      8 months ago

      I lost my husband of 47 years to a stroke in September of 2017. I had been with him nearly 50 years . He took me to my senior ball. I waited for him while he was sent to Vietnam. We were married on his R and R. We have 2 children and 8 grandchildren. As the song goes by Roy Orbison, anything he wanted he got it. I lived my life to be with him. After 3 years of illness 2 stroke , brain surgery , and vascular dementia. I am so glad I found this artical. It has been 6 months now I miss him everyday. I have started a part time job, put my wedding ring on my right hand. I can not

      Explain how hard moving forward ( I like that expression better then moving on) is. I know this is how it has to be, live my life without him.

      I do hope for happiness again. Thank you for your artical ,

    • profile image

      Linda 

      9 months ago

      This really hit the nail on the head of how I am doing after almost 3 years of losing my best friend, lover, soul mate knowing him for 18 years. Thank You for sharing everyone I am lost for words and feel the energy though. All you need to know what is in your heart and mind is all you need.

    • profile image

      Cristina 

      9 months ago

      I lost my soulmate on February 14th. It was a car accident and he died right after. We've been together more than 3 years and were living together for 3 years.

      I am 25, but I can't even picture my life without him, he was my everything.I don't know what to do and how to live my life.

    • profile image

      babyxhil 

      9 months ago

      I am so thankful i found this article/comment section. Loved reading all the thoughtful comments people have left expressing their inner grievances that have followed losing their soul mates; there arent many platforms to do so. I'm 24 years old and I lost my soul mate who was 25 about a year and a half ago. The pain is incredibly intense sometimes it still brings me to my knees. Its hard because he left me with so much life left to live, and i too think about how he also had so much life left to live.

      Sometimes I feel odd that so much time has passed yet here I am still feeling like i've lost a part of me. I guess thats what losing a soul mate does to you. I've sorda accepted the fact that this is a pain I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Its hard even dating because when you meet your soul mate you know no one else can match that energy that you had with them (unless youre lucky enough to meet another soul mate in this life time). I remember meeting my boyfriend and we both said it felt like him and I were the only ones in the room at the time; it was like we just "knew." I knew it was him and he likewise knew it was me.

      We'd never give up on each other no matter how bad things got and in a lot of ways we were actually polar opposites. But I've heard if everything is perfect then that person likely is NOT your soul mate lol. Any how, what i find hard now is dating. Im only 24 so I really don't want to spend the rest of my life alone but its so hard because i fall into comparing the person i date with my boyfriends energy. Like why doesnt THIS feel the same? Why are you not him (secretly is what im thinking)? It's so hard.

      A part of me feels blessed to have had the chance to know and love him while the other part of me just feels plain angry. It's almost like the song by leann rhymes when she states "Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much.. God give me a moments grace, because if i'd never seen your face I probably wouldn't be this way.."

      I'll love him forever and I do pray that our souls meet again next lifetime...wherever that may be.

    • profile image

      John 

      10 months ago

      I lost my wife to a stroke just a month ago. Her health had been poor and deteriorating for several years now. We both knew that it was unlikely that she would live to what many might consider an old age, but at only 56 her call to go home to the Lord came much sooner than I ever expected.

      I had the strangest feeling right when she passed away. Although I was consumed by unfathomable sorrow, a sort of happiness was mixed in. I somehow just knew that she was okay now. I was even just a little bit jealous and really wished that I could go with her in that moment. I imagined what an amazing experience it must be for her to cross over to another plane of existence.

      Together, my beautiful wife and I have experienced the loss of our parents, and the loss of our precious first child who was stillborn. While I would never want to diminish the loss of any loved one, I can say that my wife's passing is on an entirely different level. I think a lot of what makes it so difficult is that we had each other through the loss of other loved ones. While I do have our three adult children and many great friends, I feel that I have to be strong for them, and I am. My wife was the one person in front of whom I could just break down, and her with me. We just "understood" each other on a level that I can't expect from anyone else. We made it okay for each other.

      I have spent a great deal of my time since she passed just reliving memories and delighting in having her back with me again in my dreams. I suspect it very well may be a symptom of serious depression, but I've come to embrace my grief. It's so incredibly strong, but that's because she gave me so many blessings and was so good to me. My grief reminds me of how very much I loved my wife. It makes me tremendously sad, but much like the moment she passed, it also makes me happy to know that I was so blessed to have had her for the time that I was allowed. Like her memory, I know it will never leave me. I see no reason to wish that it would.

      It's an odd feeling to know that it will get better with time, but to also know that it will never get better until I am back together with her, where I belong. Relative to grief, I think the only thing that time does for us here on earth is to allow our perspective to grow.

      I've come to believe that our time here in this earthly existence is less than even the snap of the fingers in the grand scheme of eternity. I choose to believe that we will be back together again so soon, in terms of "time" on the other side, it will seem that we've been apart for such a short time that neither of us will even be able to have noticed it.

      I think I have always known, even if perhaps only subconsciously, that we were soulmates, destined to be together forever. I am reasonably certain that the kind of love we had is not common.

      Neither of us was anywhere near perfect, we both most certainly had our flaws. What we were though, was perfect for each other. Each accepting the other's shortcomings and loving unconditionally.

      When I reflect on our vows, we both honored them completely. The only part I regret is "til death do us part". If I had them to do over again, there would be no mention of parting. We will never part. The Lord's grace, through my memories of her, will simply carry me until we're back together in less than the snap of the fingers.

    • profile image

      Lesley 

      10 months ago

      Thank you so much for this post. I just lost my soulmate Doug to cancer less than 3 weeks ago, this helped!

    • profile image

      Sue 

      10 months ago

      Lost my husband of 41 years Feb 1st. Truly my soulmate. I met him when I was 14 years old. We married soon after I turned 15 (yes, pregnancy) in Dec 1976. I literally spent my lifetime with him, he was a good man and my best friend. We had a good life together. This feels surreal...

    • profile image

      newstart4jm 

      10 months ago

      I just lost my soulmate and feel so lost. I need to have someone to talk with. We were "secret" soulmates and I am the out sider and have no support. Please help!

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      10 months ago

      Dear Jessica,

      My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your soul mate at such a young age.

      I believe that losing someone to suicide must be one of the worst pains one can imagine. There are no words to explain that horror - and the what-ifs can consume a person for an entire lifetime if they let them.

      I encourage you to seek help from a professional who can assist you in dealing with the loss of your loved one under these circumstances.

      M

    • profile image

      Jessica 

      10 months ago

      I struggle daily...even moment to moment on some days. This is not what I thought life would be at 31...i thought I would be starting a family. I found the love of my life at 28, we bought a house when I was 29 and started trying for babies shortly after I turned 30. The day before he died, we talked about pregnancy tests because I was late. He was my ultimate love, there was nothing to compare to what I felt for him. We had fought, but I had fallen asleep thinking he had left to cool off. Instead, he came back in the room while I was sleeping and took his belt with him. He made his way to the garage and completed suicide with that belt. I remember when he bought it...where, when, the kind of day. What if I hadn't fallen asleep? I will never in my life forget the horror of finding him, I called my mother in the middle of waiting for someone to get there, and she says my screams will haunt her forever. The weeks and months after were a nightmare...i can't begin to count the number of times I cried out for him. Perhaps the biggest heartbreak was the day I got my period after he was gone...no baby. That was my Dusty and his baby to be. It would never be. Now , I don't even care about any of it. I'm 31 and just please bury me, cremate me with him. I have found rays of hope, but it's not enough. How do you go on?? I try. But can't gather the strength

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      12 months ago

      Dear Jim,

      First of all, my heart breaks for you. There truly are no words to describe this type of gut-wrenching pain to anyone else, unless they have also gone through it for themselves.

      Thank you for sharing your honest feelings about Lorna and your guilt in fulfilling her wishes to be taken off life support. Please do not let your decision haunt you for the rest of your life. You knew what she wanted, and you did exactly what she wanted you to do. By doing that, you gave Lorna the greatest gift of love you could. And it proves that you not only loved her with all of your heart and soul, but also respected her immensely.

      There does come a time in modern medicine when even the best of doctors can do no more, except to keep a patient comfortable while they transition to their new life. This new journey by our loved ones is beyond our control and is also the hardest one to accept.

      Please remember that Lorna is still very much with you and always will be. Talk to her in your heart, and she will always listen and respond to your heart.

      M

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      12 months ago

      Dear Amanda,

      Thank you for sharing your feelings, despite your fresh loss and the indescribable pain you must be experiencing right now. (Coincidentally, my own beloved also passed away on Nov 9 years ago, so we are sharing the same anniversary in a way.)

      Your love for your fiance shines through in every word you type. I have no doubt that he feels it too. You are honoring him in such a beautiful way through your love for your daughter (and soon-to-be-born child). And yes, he will be there with you every step of the way - just not in a tangible, physical way.

      I myself was numb for many months after my soul mate died suddenly and unexpectedly at a relatively young age. I cried, I curled up into a ball, I cursed God, and I wanted my own life to be over too. But then little miracles started to happen, which I know was because my beloved was looking after me, even after his physical death. I asked him constantly to guide me, and he did.

      True love like this never dies once you have made that connection with another soul. Just as strong as your spirit burns brightly, so does his. Despite how terribly we miss our soul mates, they never really left us. They've just moved on to the next life a bit ahead of us - and they will always love and guide us if we ask them to.

      M

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      Jim 

      12 months ago

      I'm not to internet savvy so I some how managed to cut my story short. Very sorry for that.

      This is not a story...it's a heartbreak.

      I have many friends, young and older who have been my rock.

      But at the end of the day I lay in my bed that my Lorna used to share and loneliness smothers me.

      The loss of your wife is very devestating but having good friends really helps through the bad times.

      I just wish that there was some way I could get through the guilt that haunts me because I made the decision to stop her life support on the worst day of my life.

    • profile image

      Jim 

      12 months ago

      I lost my wife, the love of my life, my soulmate, in April of this year. She had been ill for many years, but her passing was sudden.

      We had many discussions/arguments about what she would want from me on her final day. A week from her passing I agreed to her wishes.

      She suffered a massive cardiac arrest and I had to make the decision to take her off life support the next day.

      That is a decision I wish on nobody. Even though it was her wish, i

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      12 months ago

      Dear Saralim,

      Yes, it certainly can feel as if we are moving backwards when we lose our soul mate to death.

      And there is no time limit on grief ... don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise.

      If you try to pretend that you are over your loss when you aren't, then you are literally living your life in the shadows - you become more of a shell on the outside, without really feeling any joy on the inside.

      Take a step back. Allow yourself to truly grieve in your own way for as long as it takes. And remember that your soul mate wants you to continue sharing your love for as long as you remain on this planet. That is the lesson he taught you, and when you are ready, you will share his gift with others.

      M

    • profile image

      Amanda 

      12 months ago

      I thank you so much for this article. I feel as though my fiancé has led me to this page. He passed away recently on Nov. 9th 2017 at the age of 33 yrs old. We’ve been together going on 9 years but have known each other for about a decade. We have a 6 yr old daughter and I’m currently pregnant with our son due in Jan. I was and am completely still devastated with his loss. I feel like I’m empty on the inside. I have days where I don’t want to get out of bed, but I have to keep going for our daughter. I just miss him dearly and he was truly my best friend. I know it’s still a fresh wound but I feel like I would never be the same and in reality I won’t. I just miss him dearly. I have this new life coming into the world soon and I know his father will be there with me in spirit every step of the way. My spiritual has excepted the fact that he is gone but my physical is having a hard time excepting it. I just miss him I wish I could just turn back time but I don’t have any control over what has happened. I thank you for writing this article. This is help me out immensely in the short period of time that he’s been gone.

    • profile image

      Saralim 

      13 months ago

      Thank you Marjatta,

      Your article helps me to move forward after my husband of 21yrs,

      Mario, passed with cancer on April 21, 2016. He was my everything.

      This is our family's second Thanksgiving without him. Through his loss I have learned countless lessons. I realized that time doesn't heal. I find myself hurting more each and every day.

      While everybody else is moving on, I feel as though I am going backwards. I feel that I am fighting for myself and nobody truly understands my loss. I feel that I expect too much support from those around me. People tell me that time heals all wounds and they already expect me to be over my loss.

      It is impossible to express the pain I feel and as time goes by I feel like I am going backwards. I don't know how I am supposed to feel. I don't know who to talk to because everybody else has moved on, so this is why I am reaching out to you.

      Many times I wanted to thank you but I've never found the words to post a comment. It feels like I am just complaining. Your article is the one thing I keep coming back to for comfort.

      Thanks for your help,

      Saralim

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      13 months ago

      Dear Lorie DePaula,

      I am so sorry for your loss and that your beloved soul mate had to suffer so much pain while on this planet.

      You are not alone in feeling the way you do, even after several years of mourning the loss of your beloved ... and even after having found someone else to be with.

      No, it will never be the same with someone else. Nor was it meant to be. Each relationship you have in your life is unique and special. And while the future plans you once had with your soul mate are no longer physically possible, your spiritual connection with her is eternal. Let her continue to be your strength. Let her guide you to be the best you can be while you continue to give of yourself wholly and completely to the life (and people in your life) that you have today.

      And if every day is still a struggle to get through and you cry every days for hours, I urge you to talk about it with someone else (a professional grief counselor or trusted friend). I believe that no one should have to bear this burden of grief alone without understanding and accepting its purpose in one's life.

      M

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      13 months ago

      Dear Manu,

      Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved fiancé.

      Yes, I understand that feeling of simply "going through the motions" because others are depending on you. And you are correct; it's not a conscious choice to wallow in one's grief. Losing the life that you could have had with your beloved soul mate (and wanted with all of your heart) is one of the most gut-wrenching and devastating experiences an individual can have. It shakes us to our very core and can feel like the best part of ourselves has died as well.

      At some point in our grieving, however, we do have to make a conscious choice. We can continue living our lives aimlessly without any sense of purpose or joy. Or we can quietly allow ourselves to truly listen to the inner voice of our beloved soul mate, who will continue to gently guide us toward fulfilling our own destiny on this planet.

      I believe that your soul mate came into your life for a reason, and you will feel his presence in your life as spiritual guide forever. You will never stop missing him, but he never left ... he has been with you all along. Let his unconditional love for you be passed on to others. It won't be the same, but it will be incredibly healing ... if you let it.

      Marjatta

    • profile image

      Susan 

      13 months ago

      Thank you - I also had a Shaun...though his name was Louis - truly amazing person - and made me one....because he loved me...

    • profile image

      bshires119 

      13 months ago

      It's been just almost a month since the man who was my soul mate passed away. We had been in each other's lives for the past 30 years. Never married, but we had lived together for 7 years. We were not always in communication, and years would go by, but I always knew he was out there...somewhere.

      Three days before he died, he emailed me. I was so excited. We talked the next day. He said he had the flu. I didn't know it at the time, but he was heavily drinking. Alcohol had plagued him. Long story. We had a very loving, caring conversation. He told me he wanted to spend his future with me and I knew I could finally no longer live without this man being in my life. And he felt the same.

      I called him the next few days to see how he was feeling but never heard back. 5 days after our conversation, his brother called to tell me "he's dead." Those were his words to me. His brother said he had stayed sober until about 4 months ago.

      He had died two days after we had spoken. The cause is still undetermined but alcohol surely played a strong role.

      I couldn't bring myself to attend the funeral. No one really knew how strong our bond was. No one would understand the crushing grief I was experiencing. A funeral and then a lunch with everyone was just too much. It's very lonely now. Half of me is gone. In reading posts from people still experiencing grief years later, I think I'm in for a tough road. I'm still in shock, not really living life, but going through the motions. I know that many reading this have stories that are so painful. I am reading your stories too. I can now understand your pain.

      He was my soul mate and we finally made plans to be together, and yet, tragically, it was not to be. Life will never be the same. Thank you for this site.

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      Nicolle 

      15 months ago

      I'm in sheer pain. I feel like I'm going day by day just faking everything until the day is over. I lost my husband 7 months ago. We were together for 4 years, two beautiful children together and we had been friends since high school. He was only 23. Yes believe me our life wasn't perfect especially being so young but I believe he was my soulmate. We ran into each other in the hospital one day he was severely sick. I kept having this pushing feeling that if I didn't say anything to him I was going to regret it for the rest of my life.. we were together ever be since then..I hate this. I wish more and more I could just be with him. I know I know my kids need me but I don't know how to push myself to keep going to be happy. I feel like a walking zombie. My soul died when my husband died..

    • profile image

      Karin 

      15 months ago

      Hi Angie

      I could have written your post myself! I also lost the love of my life on 30 June 2017. He was 53. Hee was my soulmate. He sounds just like your man was. The perfect gentleman, so charming, so clever, he loved to dance, we danced almost every night, loved to cook, he taught me so much about life. I feel like my soul is dying inside every day. I don't know how to carry on like this. I don't have anything to live for now. I don't have children. I know what you're going through Angie. My life feels like it had ended. The pain is unbearable. If you feel life talking to me please mail me. Sending you lots of love.

    • profile image

      Angie 

      15 months ago

      I'm in so much pain, I lost the love of m life on July 6 2017, he was my everything, the rock of our family, the laughter, the logical, hardworking, he always did anything and everything to make me and our 4 children happy, never did anything for himself always to make everyone happy! I don't know how to live without him, I feel so lost, I'm the one with the health issues, and I always thought it would be me first, We always thought he was made out of steel, he was always so strong, he never complained about anything. Frank was 55 yrs young and died suddenly of sudden cardiac arrest. He was so handsome and he just loved cooking and dancing, so charming and a true gentleman, he was liked and loved by all! A perfect man! And if there is life thereafter, I will search for him in every lifetime! I don't know how to go on without him!

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      Lorie DePaula 

      15 months ago

      After searching the web for any place that could ease my pain I found this site. I am so sorry for everyone here that knows the pain and heartache of losing the love of your life. I too have lost mine.

      We were childhood sweethearts. I was 16 and she was 18 when we met. We spent 27 wonderful years together. Until 3 years ago when she died.

      She had a brain condition caused by epilepsy. Her frontal lobes of her brain were shrinking everytime she would have a seizure. Our only hope was for her to have surgery. Surgery to remove one of her frontal lobes. It was to stop her from having seizures. Our hopes and dreams were smashed when the surgeon said she could not have the surgery. She was having seizures on both sides of her brain and removing her frontal lobe would not do any good.

      The doctor's sat us down and explained that she was going to get worse over time and that eventually it could kill her. We were devastated.

      Unfortunately the doctor's were right, she did get worse. She was an actual genius. Just before her death she couldn't count two plus two. She couldn't remember what happened 5 minutes ago. It was horrible watching my love slowly get taken from me.

      She died 3 years ago from a heart attack caused by a seizure. She was only 53 years old.

      Even though it's been 3 tears ago it still seems like yesterday. I am with someone else but it's nothing like I had with my first love. She was and always will be my soulmate. When she died a part of me died too. Everyday is a struggle to get through. I still cry everyday for hours. I don't know how I'm goung to continue living without her. I'm so lost. She was my strength. Without her I am nothing.

      Again I am so sorry for everyone's loss. I wish the best for everyone here. I am just so lost and hurt I'm not sure I can get passed this. I miss my true love and without her a piece of me is missing.

      Thank you for listening and thank you for having a place where we can go. Where others understand the pain.

      Thanks again

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      Manu 

      16 months ago

      I came upon this page by accident. My heart was heavy with longing and pain, and the unending questions brought by the death of my fiancé, 11 years ago. I've been through hell and back, and I still make the journey quite often. I wish I could say I've moved on, but I haven't. Yes, I work, I take care of "things", I take care of my daughter, but I still feel more like a shell. His love sustains me in a way, I talk to him all the time, and I can 'feel' him very often. I'm in a relationship with another man, a lovely person, really, who's done so much for me and my girl, but it's not the same. I have a lot of affection for him, I love him in a way, but it's got nothing to do with the love I had and still have for my late fiancé.

      I'm not wallowing in my grief on purpose. I just don't see how it

      could ever be better, as my one true love is gone. Like Krista below, I do believe the soulmate connection is one of a kind. I loved before him, I love now and I will continue to love, but it's definitely not on the same level. He was my everything, and still is. 11 years on. And that... that is something that is difficult to move on from. To accept that you will never be THAT happy again? A stab in the gut. Every time.

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      17 months ago

      Dear Pam,

      I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience.

      I don't believe that there is any time limit on grief. It's different for everybody. Nor do I believe that there is a "normal" when it comes to facing trauma in our lives. It's almost as if you were forced to experience the loss of him all over again when you heard that he had died ... a reopening of an old wound.

      While professional advice for your unique situation is beyond the scope of this article, I encourage you to seek it out, if you need to.

      Marjatta

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      17 months ago

      A special thanks to Dale Turner for your email sharing how special your wife Connie was to you, and letting me know that you have written a book entitled "Connie" (available on Amazon) in her honor. I especially like the gazebo and beautiful garden on the cover. What a well-written and wonderful tribute you have made for your beloved ... and yes, writing about one's loss can definitely be therapeutic.

    • Pam Lynn profile image

      Pam 

      17 months ago from SC

      My HS/College Soulmate passed. I was young. The power of our spiritual "pure love" connection scared me. This was 1977-81. We were broken apart. I literally have amnesia as to what happened. Soon I found out a jealous sister was involved in whatever happened. I blocked out the pain so deeply. Decades later, she mention that he had passed away. I hadn't known at that time that I was walking around w/ a mental block 4 decades. I felt that she enjoyed giving me the news. That's what triggered grief beyond words. Now, decades have passed & I'm grieving what happened. Because it was my sister whom I thought wanted the best 4 me & because my soul/mind is acting like I have to NOW grieve what I had blocked for decades. I still don't know how she manipulated this situation? The bond we had made us as one person. We would get lost in each others eyes..literally. We could kiss for HOURS. We would fall n2 a trance. It happened in a disco once. We went n2 one of our soul love "trances(?). We didnt realize the entire place was being closed & we were the only ones left. We had to be "awoken" from trance..LOL! I don't want to deal with whatever happened? Is this normal? Thank You

    • profile image

      joanne 

      17 months ago

      Awesome

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      17 months ago

      Dear Pennie, Rain, and Tobe,

      Thanks to each of you for sharing your heartfelt experiences with the loss of your beloved soul mate.

      Our soul mates will always be our most valuable teachers ... and we can either succumb to despair and give up on our own lives without them, or we can try to listen very hard to what they are teaching us and eventually let that beautiful, unconditional love be passed on to others. It will always be our own choice.

    • profile image

      Tobe 

      17 months ago

      I met my soul mate . I never knew soul mates existed until we met.

      Our encounter was at a million to one chance. Our bond was electric almost a higher dimension. We loved deeply.

      One day she was involved in an accident & she passed.

      I was thrown into the pits of despair, depression, drinking. Oh the sorrow.

      A few years later I met another lady & we are married & happy.

      Life goes on , I'd never of thought it in those dark times !

      So for anyone experiencing sorrow as I have.... please hold on

      Peace is just around the corner x

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      Snuggz 

      17 months ago

      My soul mate my life just passed away..i dont think i can go on..i lost my dad & now Derek. .im a mess

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      Rain 

      18 months ago

      Thank you for writing it out in such heart-warming and beautiful post. I like the perspective you have gained, and the reminder that we have a day-to-day life purpose. Like others I'm looking forward to read your writings.

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      Pennie 

      18 months ago

      I lost my husband and soul mate just a month ago. I feel so sad at the loss of his physical presence. He was a bit of a legend himself so I am surrounded by support and love fron those who also love him.

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      18 months ago

      Erin, I know that there are no words to truly describe the absolute agony you must be in after the loss of your dear fiancé.

      Talk to him quietly in your heart, and you will discover that he is right beside you, lovingly raising your son. Your son will grow up with a loving father ... a dad he'll be proud of ... because he will forever see his father through your eyes.

      I commend you for waking up each day, even if you want to pull the covers over your head, and going through the motions for the sake of your child.

      God bless. You are not alone. I encourage you to check out every single support group you can find, whether online or in person - whatever you feel comfortable with.

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      Erin 

      19 months ago

      Thank you so much for your post. I just lost my fiancé of 3 years , my souls mate and father of my 8 month old son to a motorcycle accident on the way home from work May 3rd. I feel most days I don't want to live and can't wait to see him again. I don't want to love anyone else. He was my forever. You made me realize that it's ok that I feel this way right now. Most days I am lost and all I can't do is think about how I will never see him, get a call, a text, a hug, kiss, or one more memory every again. More than that I now have an innocent so that is growing up without an amazing father that he will never get a chance to meet.

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      19 months ago

      Today, someone messaged me privately to ask for advice about their loved one's suicide, which I am not qualified to do.

      There are many support groups for those who have lost their loved ones to suicide. And this is also a very special situation where expert professional advice is needed for the survivors of such a devastating tragedy.

    • profile image

      Shane Joyce 

      20 months ago

      Have no one! An hate GOD , the devil at the same time! Then the loss, of what witch way should I go to see,,,, my soul mate, my only family!

    • profile image

      Valerie 

      20 months ago

      I so needed to read that today!

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      robert 

      20 months ago

      appleworks1430@gmail.com. My name is Robert, my wife and soul mates name is Corina. She left this life 14 months ago and each day and hour are unbearable. All I do is cry During wash day at Laundromat a small child's sock with an angel wing wound up in my cart as I was folding....I placed it on my shift lever and started to drive to the movies but the car wouldn't start I took the sock off and cried the car started and I drove home...I put it back on the shifter and again it wouldn't start I took it off and put it in the glove box and the car started.

    • profile image

      Tara 

      21 months ago

      I come back to your post, over and over. I shared it again on FB today. Your words are so incredibly wise and helpful to me. Thank you.

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      21 months ago

      A special shout-out of appreciation to Mona and Anthony for sharing your feelings about this article. :) Thank you!

      Mona, I am glad that you are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. As long as your heart is in the right place, you know that he will always be there for you ... just keep talking to him in your heart - he will hear your every cry and heartbeat.

      Anthony, you mentioned that your soul mate passed away at least 15 years ago, and that you have been battling a major depression since. You also said that each day is more painful than the one before.

      Sometimes, during those dark, depressing times, if you reach out to your beloved in your heart, they will comfort and guide you to your ultimate destiny.

      If you can quieten your mind enough, you will be able to hear her voice insisting that you still have a reason to be on this planet ... and that it's not all about you. You cannot save the world, but you can do so much good for others.

    • profile image

      Anthony Mastrandrea 

      21 months ago

      Your article may apply to boyfriends and girlfriends and husbands and wives but not to SoulMates. Yhey are in a special category.

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      Krista 

      24 months ago

      Sorry but sometimes the reality is that you are stuck here when your soulmate has passed. And there is no fix for that. It is just pain pain and more pain. The description of moving on and loving again is just so trite. Sometimes, one really does have a true soul mate. And when your soul mate dies, it isn't so easy to "move on" and find another to love. Sometimes, soulmate isn't some passing slogan - it is a real thing. It means that your soul found a match. And that really might only happen once in a lifetime - if you are lucky. Can you find other relationships after losing your soulmate? Sure. But to pretend that it is in the same category, the same ballpark, as your true soulmate - that is just wrong. So judge me if you will but I am waiting for death to take me so that I can be with my soulmate. I don't care at all about anything else. I am just waiting, hoping, for the Grim Reaper to show up.

    • profile image

      John 

      2 years ago

      John is not my real name but that is not important. Its really hard when you lose your soul mate. I was married to her for 18 years and did the most stupid thing and cheated on her and wasted so many years of my life with the wrong women. She always stood by me no matter what and said I could come home anytime. A year ago she was diagnosed with Cancer and passed away recently. It has hit my like a mack truck and I am devestated and I hate myself for hurting the only person who will ever have loved me unconditionally. She was such a beautiful person, heart and soul. No matter what I did she stood by me and I never imagined I would miss her so much.

      Not asking for forgiveness. I deserve none. Just sharing in the hope that someone will read this and not take their soul mate for granted until it is too late.

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      CAIT 

      2 years ago

      I just lost my fiance 2 weeks ago...we had been together since high school when i was 15. I am now 25, alone, and trying not to break everytime i think of him. We have 2 little boys and its been hard to explain to our oldest he just turned 4 in july. As i was reading this i was somewhere between crying my eyes out and laughing because all of your intro quotes were literally what i was thinking. It has helped a tincy bit but i know it going to be a long time before i can be myself again.

    • profile image

      Sabina 

      2 years ago

      Thank you for your post. My soul mate was my only son. Reading your post felt like my son is answering my questions. The first time I saw him, when he was born, all I wanted to do was make him happy. I knew when he needed something before he could even talk. He died at the age of 22, and for the last ten years of his life were the best time I ever had. I still remember that when he was 10, he got scared because he thought I could read his mind. We had a long talk and I explained to him that no one can read another person's mind. Also that we have been given a very rare opportunity that we know what the other one wants before they even say it. After that he started enjoying that connection because his favorite sentence was, "woman get out of my head". We did not need words to talk instead we were able to read each other's face. One day coming from work, I called him and told him to put hot dogs to boil. He told me to get out of his head because he had put hot dogs few minutes earlier. Another day I called his name because I wanted a cup of tea. Before I could even ask he came out of kitchen with a cup of tea. So many times something will tell me to get him a glass of milk and he would meet me on his way to get glass of milk. There are no words to explain how good it feels to have that type of connection or laughing so hard till your stomach hurts, tearing and telling the other to stop laughing. After he passed away, my tenant told me that all they heard from our apt was continuous laughter. He was very kind, wise, and funny soul.

      Because of all the reasons above, I kept asking how can I go on? How do you survive if you are suddenly thrown out of heaven. Five months after his death I took in a total stranger, who has developmental delays. He is one month older than my son. His parents didn't know what to do with him. In the last four years, that young man has made major improvements. He will never completely recover, but I was able to get him diagnosed and treatment. I have been able to share my love, but I always cried that I'll never receive/feel that love again. I can see that he loves me as his mother, but I can't feel it. I know my son is happy about it because he always said that I was the best mother. Actually he insisted that I write a book, but I'm not very confident about my English and writing skills, so I never took that seriously. Your answer to someone that "keep sharing your love even when there is a deep sadness" was very helpful. I know my son is around me because I was going to kill myself the day he died. He made the Teddy bear sing on its own. Everyone present was surprised because no one was touching it, but it kept singing from time to time. Then I heard his voice in my head saying, "momy if you kill yourself, you will never see me again". That stopped me from that, but I was begging God to take me out. You are right my son's work was done, but I still have lot of love to give. I know he guided me to your post today because I was crying and asking the questions that you have answered in your post. I know it is going to take long time for me to get over the loss completely because I had 22 years with him. Also being my soul mate, he was my only child. Losing a child is a very deep pain because it is unnatural. I was supposed to go before him.

      Also having him in my life opened my mind. I used to think soul mates are supposed to be lovers or spouse. I learned that they can be in any form, a friend, your child, your spouse etc.

    • profile image

      Kay palmer 

      3 years ago

      I after 3 years still cry over losing my husband, my true soul mate we were together 15 years. I had the heart rendering task of telling my little boy who was only 3 that the angels came and took his daddy.i don't even want to go on without my true love. But I have to for the sake of our little boy. After he died I cut my wrist. But I had a dream and I saw my husband he was so angry and told me to look after our son and one day, when it was the right time we would meet again.since then I never think of ending my life but to carry on and give all the love I have to our son. But I am still so lonely. I sometimes wonder, who suffers the most. Just because I still live doesn't mean I'm the lucky one

    • profile image

      Jamis Morrison 

      3 years ago

      Thank You for giving a name to my existance. Being a Shadow.

    • profile image

      Cindy Crawford 

      3 years ago

      You were my beginning and end. You brought me joy, and hurt, sorrow and now pain. I would not have given up any of the 24 years I loved you, nor will I give up the next 24 years to see you again. You are and will always be the love of my life, shining bright, bringing my heart and yours together forever. Please know that not a day goes by I don't long to know where you are and to see, hold, touch your hand as it gently kisses mine. I will love you always, R

    • profile image

      Peter Politis 

      3 years ago

      HI. I had a read of your post. I recently lost my partner due to cancer.

      We were planning to get married this year. Sept 17th 2015 would have been our 7th yr anniversary of the day we meet.

      She was my world to me and we both agreed that we have been together from another time b4 this world. We were old souls and we never had a fight or an argument, not even for a joke. She was my everything and she gracefully passed away in my arms at the hospital on the 7th of August 2015 at around 930am which was on a Friday.

      Unfortunately, Margaret and I did not have children of our own. Margaret did have two children of her own which she had re united with her daughter Tania after 20years and we had Christmas together on 2014-2015.

      It was mid Jan 2015 that we found out that Margaret had lung cancer from the X-Ray results. That changed everything for both of us. 10 days later she had a seizure at the shopping center and rushed her to Hospital to do a CT Scan of her head. The Doctor's detected that there was a 2cm brain tumour in the front right hand side of her brain. The Doctor's operate and was successful with the removal of the tumour.

      When we saw the oncologist they said 6-9 months life span for her. That destroyed her and I but she never showed it. Always positive and outgoing in her character.

      Now and then, We spoke about if she ever passed away and I broke down many times in front of her as it was difficult to talk about it. Also many times not around her. She saw the impact it had on me and she never complained about one thing.

      I looked after her even when it got really tough I never complained to her about NOTHING as I love her Unconditionally and It really did not matter.

      I now feel that I'm always falling and feel very lost with no direction at all. I feel that I don't wont to be here not more. I sit back and look at the whole picture, Margaret did not have a true good life. She was married twice and they were abusive to her in different ways, Her life never turned out to be happy until we meet each other which was around July 2008. She completed me and I for her. She was my little fairy penguin and my butterfly.

      I am a passionate person in life in a general way and everything I do is with my heart and soul. I am not the same and there will always be now an empty part of me that would never be replaced or fixed.

      I know that time heals but never for me as I have and I know that I have lost the greatest love of my life............... There are no words to even come close to describe on how i feel or even how i am.

      My frequency has been disrupted and my whole ora has been out of alignment ever since she has passed away.

      May you find peace and love on your new journey and we will meet again as I have promised you my little mushie.

      Margaret Eileen Staudacker 04-06-1959 - 07-08-2015

      LOVE YOU ALWAYS your honey bear..Peter Politis.

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      3 years ago

      Hi Joe, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am so sorry for the death of your soul mate. I know how it feels to have loved someone so deeply before they disappeared ahead their time.

      Yes, dating after this kind of loss can be quite disheartening because no one will ever measure up to the spouse you lost. In fact, It's often a struggle not to compare the new person with your deceased beloved - they will always fall short that way.

      If your heart is bursting to share your love, there are many ways to volunteer your time and energy to a variety of very worthwhile causes. I recommend following your passion in this regard.

      I don't agree that there is nobody out there for you. Nor do I believe that any human being wants to be alone and/or simply accepts that state of affairs.

      God put you here for a reason, and your mission is not complete yet. You have a whole lot of fantastic living to do (with or without a woman).

    • profile image

      Joe 

      3 years ago

      I'm sorry, but this is crap! My soulmate died, and I tried dating again! Problem is nobody is even half the person she was! I accept the fact that the one person for me is dead, and there is nobody out there! A am alone, and I accept it!

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      3 years ago

      Dear Susie, I realize that there aren't any words to comfort the pain you're in. It truly is a grief so deep that no one else can understand unless they have experienced it themselves. I remember doing the exact same thing as you ... walking around in a daze without any direction or focus. I didn't care about anything. My whole universe had fallen apart and nothing made sense anymore.

      Please be very kind to yourself and allow yourself to lean on others as much as you need to. Just take tiny baby steps, and anytime you have to pull the covers over your head and cry your eyes out, do it. Also remember that your beloved is still with you ... your closeness and love will never die. God bless.

    • profile image

      susie 

      3 years ago

      I'm only 26 yrs. old and already a widow. I lost my soulmate a few days ago and I am lost. I walked through the street without any direction, I almost got hit by a car. The pain is too much for me to bear. I was even asking God why would He gave me a perfect husband and my soulmate if He would just take him away.

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      4 years ago

      Dear Kim,

      I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so eloquently and honestly. Yes, the pain feels unbearable, especially when the shock wears off. Then you still have to put one foot in front of the other every day, even when you feel like a ghost walking among the living. I used to watch other people walking down the street and imagine that not one of them had a care in the world, and here I was silently screaming on the inside. It was all so unfair.

      I watched our garden wither and die because I couldn't bear to tend to the flowers we once enjoyed so much together. At five months, even the sunniest days seemed gray and gloomy. I couldn't see much of anything outside of my sorrow.

      I don't remember the first day that I actually smiled at something, but it happened some time later. The clenched feeling in my stomach gradually started to ease for short periods and my urge to cry all the time also slowly abated. I started to realize that I still had a mission on this planet, for whatever reason, and it was my destiny to find out and embrace it.

      I pray for your comfort and peace. You will never stop missing your beloved, and the sadness will always be a part of you, but some day, you will be able to experience happiness side by side with that sadness when you are ready to do so. God bless.

    • profile image

      Kim 

      4 years ago

      Thank you for posting this. I lost my husband, my soulmate, 5 months ago and I am struggling everyday. Everything you've touched upon, I have felt or am feeling. My husband was my everything! He was the first guy I'd ever been in a relationship with or even kissed. I met and married my true love. At only 30 years old, I am now a widow. I'm just taking it one day at a time, sometimes minute by minute. He's all I've known the last 2 years especially. (We were together 6, but only married 2) I didn't think I'd ever find anyone to love me for me and neither did he. Now I am completely lost. What do I do now? Where do I go? Having been so close-we loved each other deeply and completely, I feel like I have nothing left, no reason to go on or desire to. I've begged God to just take me too. This pain is too much to bear. I don't see a future anymore. All my hopes and dreams have been crushed and a big piece of my heart and soul are with him. I will never be whole again or the same person I was. Reading your post gave me new perspective but I am still very much in the beginning stages of the grieving/healing process. I know he's with me everyday because he'd never leave me and always looked out for me. I talk to him everyday but not a second goes by that I don't yearn for his touch. That is the hardest part for me. It is such a strong desire that I can't quench! Just to be able to touch him or kiss him again. It's so surreal! I can't believe it's true. It doesn't feel real. This can't be my life.

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      4 years ago

      Hi RM, yes, I agree. There is nothing that can comfort one for very long after the loss of their soul mate. I am very sorry for your loss, as my beloved was also my fiancé. While the pain never ends and it always hurts beyond belief, it is possible to continue living out one's own life mission with a sense of joy and purpose, and to discover what gifts of love you can bestow on the rest of the world ... even when you have this incredible sadness within.

      Your beloved will always be with you. I'm sure you must talk to him daily, as I still do with my angel, Shaun. He truly does guide my spirit, and that will never change.

      Before I could even get out of bed or face the rest of the world, I needed to accept that he was truly gone. Then I needed to put one foot in front of the other and share my sadness with family and friends. Finally, I had to make a very important choice: was I going to live out the rest of my days sheltered in my cocoon of misery or try to find some remaining happiness on this planet? I chose the latter, and I'm glad I did.

      If I had died with him (as I wanted to and begged God to let me), one of my very troubled children would not have had my support and guidance to get him back on the right path, a suicidal friend might have gone ahead and done the unthinkable without my friendship and love, and countless other people I have since touched in this world may have had very different outcomes if I weren't still here.

      Those things give me joy, even as I mourn the loss of my best friend, lover, companion, and soul mate.

      May your soul find peace, knowing that you will be reunited with your other half when the Divine deems it so. In the meantime, you have a very important mission on this planet, even as stinging tears blur your eyes and you may not yet feel the energy to look around you to see where you are needed the most. Let your soul mate guide you in this. Allow yourself to feel little bits of joy here and there. Say, "Sweetheart, aren't you proud of me? Look what I did today! Look how I used what you taught me to be the guiding light in someone else's life!" He will be proud of you and you will feel his love envelope you with warmth, light, wisdom, and peace.

    • itsmesudiksha profile image

      Sudiksha 

      4 years ago from Nepal

      Yes nothing in this world is impossible..!! it is obviously hard to forget but again its not impossible either though its painful :) if we follow your step then we will surely succeed..!! very well written

    • profile image

      Rm 

      4 years ago

      From the moment we met, my then future husband and I continued to discover and were joyfully surprised at how we continued to complete each other.

      Yes, we were / are soul mates....two hearts made one.

      For as long as I have been searching, I found NOTHING that can really comfort me from my loss for long. Everything is just words and meaningless actions....a temporary "fix" to get by for only moments.

      On this earth, I lost the other part of myself.

      And we cannot be fully "one" again until we are together again.

    • Risk33 profile image

      Risk33 

      6 years ago from u.s of a

      My fiancé died 10 months ago. He was deff my soul~mate but i know for a fact that everything he taught me are for my other soul~mate. I have high hope. & i hope God gives me someone even better. Like you said our hearts can never have too much love. I will keep loving until the day i depart from this world and tell my 1st soul~mate how much i loved.... one day .. until than everyone KEEP LOVING !

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      6 years ago

      Thank you TruthSeaker. I especially love your poem "The Sky Now Dim." Very hauntingly beautiful. I'm glad you're sharing your wonderful thoughts with us as well.

    • TruthSeaker profile image

      TruthSeaker 

      6 years ago

      At first when I saw the title I was very doubting to how this will make peace with this dilemma that surfaces in everyone's life. But I must say I am both happy and great-full that I have read you post. Even though I have not lost someone this reminded me of some great things I've forgotten.. Very beautiful!

      Thank you

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      7 years ago

      Wow, thanks Sharyn. That means a lot to me. This is a great gathering place for folks to express themselves through the written word ... so many great thoughts and ideas to share! I gain something every day from reading authors such as yourself ... a bit of wisdom, a bit of comfort, a bit of humour, a bit of insight. It's all good and very much appreciated, for sure.

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 

      7 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Hi Marjatta,

      After you commented on my recent hub, I decided to check out your writing. I read all of your five hubs thus far. You are a good writer. I commend you for putting your feelings out there. It hasn't been that long since you lost Shaun, and yet your love (and his love too), shines throughout your hubs. No doubt, you will help others who are grieving the loss of a loved one. Welcome to hubpages. I look forward to reading more of your writing. Take care,

      Sharyn

    • Marjatta profile imageAUTHOR

      Marjatta 

      7 years ago

      Hi msannec, thank you. I'm glad some of my thoughts helped you ... as yours have greatly helped me. As time goes by, I am sure we will continue to share our insights and journeys on this unknown path we are all travelling. God bless, and keep writing!

    • msannec profile image

      msannec 

      7 years ago from Mississippi (The Delta)

      This is such a beautiful post! You really helped me to see some things clearer, to find answers to questions I have been having. Thank you for sharing your beautiful gift.

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