Moving On After the Loss of Your Soulmate

This article is in loving memory of my beloved soulmate, whose wisdom, insight, and life lessons I will cherish until the end of my days.

Moving on After the Loss of Your Soulmate, Is It Even Possible?

How many of us have faced the reality of the death of a loved one in our lives? Pretty much everyone, I would imagine.

Today, I'm going to talk specifically about the death of a spouse and/or soulmate.

Physical death—although the doorway into another life for the person who has died—is still a doorway that we can't enter unless we ourselves die. Reading about near-death experiences or perhaps even experiencing it for ourselves does not mean we really know what life is like after our physical death. We simply can't. We weren't meant to know.

But one thing we're always reminded of is the necessity to "carry on." What does "carrying on" mean to the survivor who still has to cope with life here on Earth without the presence of the person they are grieving for? I mean, how in hell are we supposed to do that?

Accepting the Reality of Their Physical Death

Well, for starters, it means accepting the reality of your loved one's physical death. His or her physical body died. Just because we continue to communicate with them in our hearts doesn't mean that their physical body didn't die. It did. Their physical presence will never again be known to us.

We will never again be graced by their shadow, their embrace, their touch, their scent, their laughter, or the eyes that communicated directly into our souls when they looked at us. We will never again have that physical connection with them while we still remain here on Earth. Their physical presence is gone, plain and simple. They are no longer able to be there for us in the way they once were.

This can make us feel incredibly lonely, sometimes to the point of feeling unsafe on all fronts. We can no longer share stuff with them. We might look at their framed picture and talk to them, but we still feel very disconnected. Occasionally, we might ask God for a sign, any sign at all, that our loved one is okay and is hearing our never-ending dialogue with them, but we never get definitive proof, at least not physically.

This is very hard, but we must accept that our loved one is not going to ever again materialize physically to us, no matter how much we pray. It is what it is. They transformed. We didn't.

Re-examining Your Own Faith

At this point, you must be wondering, "Okay, so what's the point here? My loved one died. I am lost without him or her. I still need that person so desperately. How could God be so cruel as to take that love away from me? For that matter, how am I supposed to carry on?"

Our loved ones have already learned all of the lessons they needed to learn while on this planet. I have no doubt that they are now exactly where they are meant to be, and they are surrounded by love and joy and don't want us to hurt over the loss of them in our lives. Instead, they gently guide us each time we falter and keep reminding us, "It's okay. I am surrounded by love, and you will also be surrounded by that same love some day. We are all connected. We are all one."

Re-examining our faith in something greater than ourselves isn't all that difficult once we have lost someone dear to us from this physical world. In order to carry on despite sometimes miserable, lonely circumstances, all we need to ask is, "Did I love that person? Did they touch my heart? Did they make me feel loved?"

If your answer to those questions is yes, then you already have your bigger answer. Once you connect with someone on this planet, you are connected forever. Love is more than an emotional response hardwired into our physical brains. True love transcends all things physical and is what sustains us through our incredible journeys, with or without our loved ones. It is the essence of our lives. It is what makes us tick, and we would all die without it.

Living Day to Day—Putting One Foot In Front of the Other

"Yeah, but how do I put one foot in front of the other on a day-to-day basis? I mean, this is SO hard for me. How in heck am I supposed to 'carry on'? The love of my life is no longer with me! Don't you get that?"

Yes, I truly do get that. What's the point of going through the motions each and every day if our loved ones are no longer here to share it with us? I mean, it's a pretty empty life, right? All we want to do is speed up our own demise so that we can be with them. Yes, let's pull out that cask of wine or case of beer and live the rest of our lives regretting the things that we never had any control of to begin with.

That type of thinking is okay for a while, but only for a very little while. And I do believe that anyone who has lost someone dear to them is entitled to their meltdowns, so long as those moments/hours/days of sheer agony and despair don't transform into an entire lifetime of grief.

At the end of the day, after we have cried our eyes out and damned our wretched lives enough times, we have to start thinking about our own contribution to this planet and what that means to us. We have to come to grips with whether or not our day-to-day existence means anything to anybody.

Do you have a son or daughter you've become estranged from? When was the last time you called your elderly father or mother? Did you make someone else smile because of your sense of humor? Did you joke with a co-worker, friend, or a stranger on the subway? What did you do today to contribute to the life of another human being? Are you aware that whatever small token of kindness (without any hidden agenda) you extend to another person is also helping to fortify their soul during their own tough journey through this sometimes brutal and perplexing life we all lead?

Yes, your life has a day-to-day purpose, even if you have lost the only person you thought could ever understand you or love you for exactly the person you are. You'd be surprised by how many of the good things your loved one taught you can be easily extended to others. Pass on their gift. Share the joy. Make each day an opportunity to do at least one good thing for a fellow human being. That will make your departed loved one very, very happy indeed, something you will be proud to tell them at the end of the day while you are talking to their photograph.

Finally, Give Yourself Permission to Love Again

"Love again? I doubt it. There will never be another person on this planet who could replace him/her."

True. No one will ever replace your loved one in your heart, nor should they. But to forever close your heart to others would be a real shame. After all, every person on this planet needs love; it's so basic to our survival. And our hearts are capable of infinite love for as many people as we will let into our lives. Our hearts can never be too full of love.

If you allow your own soul to die inside, you are removing yourself from this existence and are living out the rest of your life almost like a prison sentence, just crossing off the days on the calendar until you can be with that person again. In the meantime, all of the opportunities to connect with other souls on this earth are passing you by unnoticed. It's no longer your loved one who has become a shadow, it's you!

Would your loved one want you to suffer so? Would they want you to waste the rest of the precious gift that is your life by never again feeling love for another person? Would they want you to live in mortal fear of experiencing yet another loss of someone you dare to love? Would they want you to feel guilty that you are somehow disrespecting their memory simply because you have found it in your heart to love someone again?

We all know the answers to these questions. In every case, it's an emphatic no.

I know an incredibly loving woman who has survived the death of two husbands, and yet still found it in her heart to love a third. Had she not done that, she wouldn't have had the experience of making someone else's journey through this life as happy as it was. Her gift of love was blessed upon others three times! Do those previous two husbands look down from heaven and say, "Gee, I'm jealous that she's with another man"? No, they say, "Thank you for continuing to be the loving person that you are. That is why I fell in love with you in the first place."

Another woman that I know died peacefully a few months ago. She was the fiancée of my best friend. She herself had lost her husband before she met my friend. She used to say to him that her departed husband had picked him out for her!

During the time she was alive, I saw such an incredible transformation in my friend, I can't even begin to tell you. His step was lighter, his eyes twinkled more, and his self-confidence soared. She truly was the "love of his life." A love he never would have known had she shut off her heart to the world while she waited to join her deceased husband. She made an incredibly wonderful difference in the life of my dear friend, and I thank her for that.

He says to me now, "When I die, they will both be there to greet me when my time comes."

At the same time, if you have no desire to ever enter into another romantic relationship in your lifetime, the abundance of love inside of you still has the potential to generously spill over toward others in so many rewarding ways, whether they're a family member, friend, or even a complete stranger. Your heart will always seek a way to express your love to someone, somehow, simply because your soulmate taught you so well how to love and be loved in its purest form. Share that gift! And remember that love (in its many forms) always wins, but living with a closed-off heart always loses.

This one's for you, my beloved Shaun. Thank you for teaching me how to live with an open heart. I love you.

Questions & Answers

Question: Do you believe it's possible to find/have more than one soulmate during your lifetime? I finally had found mine at age 72. We had 8 months together before he died suddenly. I had left a 40-year marriage to be with him (no regrets there). It is a difficult time in life to put things together again. He was/is my absolute soulmate.

Answer: First, my deepest condolences for your loss.

To answer your question, yes, I believe it is possible to be blessed with more than one soulmate in your lifetime, provided that you live with an open heart. This does not mean that you will stop mourning your beloved departed one; it only means that you will allow yourself to once again love someone unconditionally, and more importantly, allow them to love YOU unconditionally. Sometimes there are secret soulmates waiting in the wings to bring incredible love and joy into your life if you will only let them. And this can happen at ANY age.

Question: What if our soulmate that has passed doesn't come to us in our dreams nor do we feel any type of presence from them? What could the absence of a passed soulmate in dreams mean?

Answer: I believe that we all grieve differently. And there is no reason you should feel compelled to 'sense' the presence of your departed loved one - or even experience dreams about him or her - to prove that you will continue to love each other for eternity.

Plus, when you think back on your soulmate and how they made you feel so wonderful about yourself and life in general, you are indeed having a mini-conversation with them each time. Your hearts are touching whenever, for example, a song lyric, fragrance, melody, or perhaps even a raging thunderstorm makes you remember him or her fondly.

You also honor and connect with your departed loved one each time you have a purposeful conversation with them in your head or silently ask for their guidance when you are faced with a difficult decision.

Rest assured, your soulmate will always be there for you, whether or not you 'feel' their presence with physical goosebumps or dreams.

Question: I lost my soulmate in a car accident 3 months ago. I miss her every single day that goes by. I feel so guilty because I got romantic feelings for another. I believe in my heart that she would want me to carry on and love another as I loved her, however, I feel it might be too soon and feel guilty for "moving on too fast." Do you believe I am a terrible person for having feelings for another so soon after her passing?

Answer: First, I am so very sorry for the abrupt and tragic loss of your soulmate. I can't imagine a stronger human sorrow.

No, you are NOT a terrible person for having romantic feelings for another so soon after your soulmate died. And yes, I believe that if your loved one would want you to carry on, then you should do so while making them very proud of you at the same time. Don't think about mourning time limits like one year, three years, 10 years, or forever. Go with what your truest of hearts tells you loud and clear. Arbitrary time limits have no useful purpose here.

I curled up in a ball after my soulmate died and was very vulnerable to each emotion that overcame me. One minute I was feeling so blissful, basking in my soulmate's eternal love, and the next minute, I was plunged into the deepest of despair, feeling utterly lost and alone without him on planet Earth.

Losing one's soulmate makes us feel very vulnerable indeed. It reminds us that none of us are invincible, none of us are meant to easily handle the human experience alone, and there is no cure for the broken heart, except perhaps to give it more genuine, unconditional love and acceptance.

My advice would be to make sure that your romantic feelings for this person aren't there simply because they profess their love for you or make you feel less alone. Your loneliness right now will be at an all-time high, and there is nothing wrong with seeking comfort ... so long as you realize your heightened emotions may be a bit too intense to truly see that person for who they are or what feelings they may have for you.

If your feelings and her feelings are on the same page in an open and trusting environment, then you have a decent chance of sharing your heart and loving fully again. But take it very slowly, and make sure she realizes that you are barely beginning your new journey of living without your soulmate.

Question: Do you believe I can give my heart and love 100% again? He keeps on saying that I have his whole heart and 100%, but he will never have my whole heart and 100% as he will always have to share my heart with my late husband. He gets frustrated and says that we will never feel the same about each other.

Answer: Yes, I believe that our hearts have an infinite capacity for love.

However, a new partner may naturally seek more reassurance of your love for him, especially if he knows how much you loved your late husband. I think that this is a normal (and indeed healthy) insecurity that should diminish over time.

And once he feels more secure in your relationship, perhaps he won't require you to verbally make a percentage comparison between your love for him and your love for your late husband. Anyone who has ever loved a widow or widower should be prepared for sharing some room in that person's heart - but it doesn't mean that there is any LESS love available to them.

If your current partner is getting frustrated because he will always have to share your heart with your late husband, he will need to get over it, plain and simple, if he wants to keep you. You wouldn't be the person you are today without your late husband's influence on your life. In fact, any suitor vying for your love needs to accept that you have a history ... a history that has shaped you and includes the unconditional love that you will always have for your late husband.

At the same time, do I believe that you can give your heart and love 100% again? Absolutely! But it is not something that can be pressured out of you by current lovers or family members.

Instead, one day, you may glance over at your partner and think of all the wonderful experiences you have had with him in recent memory and you will smile, give thanks, and feel utterly blissful. You will live in harmony with your feelings of love toward your departed husband AND your new beau. And these loving feelings can live harmoniously side by side, I guarantee.

Question: Can soulmates become guardian angels?

Answer: Yes, I believe that our soulmates DO become our guardian angels, without a doubt. There is no way that the bond between you and your soulmate will ever be broken - not even in death. What you need to do now is take this beautiful creation that you have become (yes, the one that your beloved saw in you all along) and pass that same healing love to those around you who need it the most. By loving others with a full and open heart, your healing process will begin, and you will use the lessons you learned from your sweetheart in the best possible way. Remember, he's always got your back.

Question: It's been 15 years since my partner passed. In my dreams, she was upset with me until her family brought her urn. Since then, my dreams of her are joyful. She's not mad anymore. What does this mean?

Answer: It may be that your heart is now relatively at peace, knowing that your partner's physical remains are nearby. To some, this enhances the feelings of closeness and intimacy with their departed soulmate, and even this tiny sense of control may help somewhat to diminish one's anxiety.

Like free-falling without a parachute, it's so very hard to feel in control of ANYTHING when one's beloved soulmate dies. It is normal to question everything, even the meaning of our dreams, when we feel so lost, alone, and forsaken. This is when our faith in something greater than ourselves must kick in. We must believe that God is looking after us, even when it appears we have lost everything that was ever meaningful to us.

And while I do believe that our departed loved ones can communicate with us in our dreams from time to time, especially to gently guide us, I think that our dreams also reflect our true selves and provide valuable insights into how we are really feeling about our life after losing our soulmate.

Question: The love of my life died suddenly at the age of 30. We had been together for 3 and a half years. He had just bought a house and I’ve since found out that he had planned to propose to me in December. Why would God take away our futures from us? In my heart, all I want is to be with him again. When I die, will my soul reunite with my lover again? He came to me in a dream and I promised him I would come and be with him and he was so happy.

Answer: You ask the question of the ages: "Why would God [insert question here]?

As humans, we are not meant to know certain things until we realize, "Wow, I'm so glad that happened to me back then ... because it brought me to exactly where I am NOW!"

When your soulmate entered your life, he may have made you feel so special and loved, while asking for nothing in return except for your love. It may have felt as if you had truly found your heaven on Earth. Life couldn't be more joyous or full of hope and excitement. And then the unspeakable happened ... he died out of the blue, and you were left with your shattered dreams of a future together, replaced by the nightmare of him being gone and your desire to follow him to the ends of the Earth.

But you still have a very important journey to complete going forward, my friend.

First, remember that you will NEVER be without your soulmate. He has now formed an integral part of your heart, and he will be there for you whenever you need him. Just let your mind be quiet and listen closely for his voice and guidance.

Second, realize that there has always been an epic purpose for your own life. Your soulmate touched your life so deeply and completely that you just KNEW your paths were meant to cross. He then left you stronger and wiser than you ever thought possible, and his comforting presence will remain with you forever. Use his gift of unconditional love for the power of good ... always. Look at all the ways that YOUR love is meant to heal and improve the lives of others going forward. Your soulmate taught you how wonderful it felt to have someone truly love you unconditionally, his loving arms wrapping around your trembling soul until you felt 100% safe again. That is the unconditional gift of his love that you simply MUST pay forward in gentle ways during your own lifetime: to a crying child, to an angst-ridden teenager, to a lost and homeless older soul living on the street, to a helpless animal caught in a hunting trap.

Third, you asked whether or not when you die, you and your soulmate will be reunited again. Well, there is no need for a reunion because your beloved is already wrapped around your soul like a warm blanket, just like your love will envelop his heart forever and always. Now, you just need to learn how to live your life on a day-to-day-basis without his physical presence, knowing that the most important part of him has now become a part of you.

Question: I lost my wife 2 years ago. I have recently started dating again, but nothing has worked out. Is it me, or have these been the wrong women for me? I feel like my wife was it, it took me 36 years to find her, and I don't want to have to wait another 36 years to find someone else. What is going on with me?

Answer: First, my deepest condolences on the loss of your wife. Nothing can adequately prepare a person for such a devastating and sorrowful event. Its like a volcano erupting, leaving behind nothing but ashes. Your world is rocked to its very core as you sift through the debris, desperately trying to maintain your faith, hope, sense of purpose, and peace of mind so you can at least sleep for a few hours here or there ... so you can manage a weak smile now and then ... and so you can try to start rebuilding your life one tiny step at a time.

Dating can be awkward and stressful at ANY time in your life, let alone trying to find a new soulmate or at least someone to spend enjoyable time with. Here are a few suggestions that I hope will help to lighten your journey:

1) Don't worry so much about "what is going on" with you right now.

You lost your wife, your soulmate. No more needs to be said about that - you have suffered one of the most painful losses known to mankind. Cut yourself some slack. You are bound to be more than confused at this point in your life. Just go with it and try not to over-analyze your feelings. Don't worry about the next 36 years of your life or whether you'll find another soulmate in your lifetime. The heart wants what the heart wants ... and when your heart is truly ready to love again, it will let you know and lead you in the right direction.

2) Try not to see each date as a potential life-partner candidate.

Instead of thinking, "OMG, I hope she's 'THE ONE'," try to think more along the lines of, "She sounds like fun! It would be great to have someone I'd actually like to hang out with now and then and enjoy playing tennis with or sharing laughs at a comedy club." Take the pressure off both you AND your date. There is nothing wrong with expanding your circle of platonic friends, male or female.

3) Be mindful of your online dating profile (if you have one).

If you indicate right up front that you're a widower seeking a new relationship (soulmate), that might prove to be too much of a perceived emotional burden for potential companions. The pressure will be on them to measure up to your ideal soulmate, which, of course, they never will. This is not the time to bare all. But you don't have to be dishonest either. You can put a truthful profile out there, but keep it in general terms for now - you can always elaborate more about your situation later as you see fit.

Most important is to learn to have genuine fun again, even in little chunks, whether it's riding a roller-coaster or enjoying a 3-D movie. No matter what your favorite pastime is, make time for it and even consider sharing it with someone else from time to time. No pressure. No commitment. Just a really fun time with a new friend and a way to experience laughter again. Joy is sure to follow.

Wishing you much comfort and peace of mind in your journey ahead.

Question: Thank you, this was an amazing read. I lost my soulmate March 23rd of this year. We got together August 27th of last year, and I found out he liked me in middle school! You have answered a lot of my questions, thank you. He was the love of my life and my true soulmate, and he still IS the love of my life. Is it true that he's always watching over me and he still loves me?

Answer: Yes, I believe that the loving connection between true soulmates is eternal and doesn't disappear when one of their physical bodies dies. This belief is based on my unwavering faith that a loving God governs us all and we are sent certain soulmates in our lives when we need them the most ... whether to learn more about ourselves or about the world we live in.

But when we lose a soulmate to death, a huge part of our faith can also die with them. We are only human, after all. Many of us just can't wrap our heads around why a so-called "loving" God would separate us at this very time from the best relationship we ever had. This can leave us feeling cold, alone, anxious, and bereft.

This is where our faith is tested the most. And this is where we have to step up to the plate and say, "Yes, I will always believe in one loving God, even though He took away my loved one."

Question: Can you find a new love without all the usual tensions that so many men seem to put on a new relationship?

Answer: My short answer would have to be no. The men that you date WILL likely want to sleep with you, for example, so that is a tension of anticipation and longing on their part, and perhaps a tension of "By sleeping with him, I will betray my deceased husband," on your part.

Please feel free to date a man without sleeping with him ... or even giving in to his desire to see you every weekend, such as the case may be. Don't be scared off from dating by a few sketchy experiences. Instead, take it very slowly, stay within your comfort zone as far as intimacy, and above all, just have a blast while hanging out with your new friend.

In the beginning, keep your expectations low, and his too. You don't have to marry each other! Be upfront about your feelings that perhaps things are moving too fast for you or you feel pressured to (insert action here). I guarantee that any man worthy of your affection will understand completely, and even respect you more for it.

Question: I’ve just lost my soulmate 15 days ago, but didn’t know he died until last Friday. I always thought he’d just gone missing. I really felt he was still alive. Why did I not know he had died?

Answer: I believe that having a deep connection with a soulmate does not automatically turn one into a psychic with the ability to specifically "sense" when that person's physical body has left this planet and transitioned to the next life. This would likely entail having a godlike power, which I doubt any of us possess.

My thoughts are that if we are not physically with our soulmate on a daily basis, we may just get an uneasy feeling or something compels us to Google that person out of the blue. Perhaps someone says something or we read an obituary that triggers a memory of our soulmate, which leads us to further investigate what happened to them.

Either way, we are only human - and while we may sometimes wish it weren't so, it appears that we are still very limited in the use of our "sixth sense" in that regard.

Question: I want to love again, but I am afraid my deceased partner's family will judge me. I haven't found someone yet, but I have so much love to give, and I know that my partner left behind a better woman than he had loved, with a better appreciation for people and the shortness of life. How do I deal with the fear of being judged?

Answer: I am so sorry for the loss of your partner. It sounds, however, like he left you with an amazing legacy. As all true soulmates do, he triggered your tremendous appreciation of life, including making you feel like a million bucks. Yes, yes, YES!

With regard to your fear of being judged, I think we all share that feeling from time to time, depending on the situation and how emotionally invested we are with the people involved. Normally, one would like their family and friends to be proud of them and approve of their choices.

It appears that you really love your in-laws and that their opinion strongly matters to you. Chances are that you were fully accepted into your extended family, they fell in love with you, and they were so joyous that you made their brother/son/father so happy. They shared your sorrow over his loss, and you all banded together to weather the emotional storm ahead.

What usually happens next is that you want to keep this extended family close in your life, but you are afraid to tell them that you wish to date again. Do they never want you to date again? Or do they want you to wait longer before you do?

You don't have to tell them that you've just signed up for an online dating service or that you went for drinks with the cute guy in the next cubicle after work (much TOO much information). But if you are really interested in someone, you can start to slowly drop hints that you are resuming your social life by mentioning certain events or circumstances, like, "OMG, I can't believe how bad the traffic was on the way to the concert. Luckily, my friend, Luke, was there to navigate and find the best parking spot." Or you can interject into conversations something like, "Oh, yes, Kevin and I visited those campgrounds too! Weren't they gorgeous?"

Introducing this new man in your life to your existing extended family may seem like a daunting task, but it can be so easy if you do it slowly on your own terms. Ease them into the idea that you have a separate life beyond their jurisdiction ... and that your privacy is paramount!

I am sure that your in-laws don't want to keep you in a bubble for all of eternity. Yet, they still want to protect you going forward. They can't help themselves. It's up to you now to make sure they feel your love, while at the same time, respecting your privacy.

Question: I lost my children’s father earlier this year and have just given birth to his last child this past September. I haven’t had a chance to grieve, and I want to know if it’s too late and I should just accept it for what it is?

Answer: I believe it is never too late to grieve. In fact, if you don't, your sadness over the loss of your children's father may be prolonged indefinitely.

Your children will ask about their father someday. And if they see that you haven't grieved fully, they may also have a hard time grieving the loss of this man in their lives and accepting his death. They are relying on you and your feelings as a guide for their own. If you feel ambiguous or have stuffed your feelings deep inside--unable to move forward--that same behavior may be passed on to your kids.

I recommend that you allow yourself the time to grieve (yes, I know it's tough with young children), reflect on your life with your soulmate, and even go so far as asking his advice to help you raise your children from time to time. If you talk to him quietly in your heart, you will always receive the guidance you need.

Comments

Tim on September 01, 2020:

I lost the love of my life almost 9 months ago. I know I shut myself off from people much more than I used to. How to I move forward and live life again?

Camile07 on August 03, 2020:

@jennifercox. I just lost the love of my life on July 17th. He was my entire world. He struggled with addiction. Whatever you do, don’t pick up that drink. It isn’t going to bring him back. He would want to see you beat this. I know your pain. Hang in there. I’m praying for you

Marjatta (author) on August 03, 2020:

Dear Nancy A.,

First, thank you for your private message, sharing such a wonderful story about how you met the love of your life. Indeed, it sounds like you encountered mutual magic when you met. The story about the butterflies landing on his arms gave me goosebumps.

Second, your beloved was very fortunate to have you care for him during his last years on this planet. That couldn't have been easy for you, but I'm sure your love for him made it seem effortless. It's what true soulmates do for each other without question.

I am sorry that the coronavirus pandemic eliminated the opportunity to have a live memorial service. You must have felt very alone since his death ... no amount of "virtual" connections with other people can replace physically crying on someone's shoulder or receiving a much-needed hug. I pray that you are soon able to receive the support you need from family and friends.

Remember, Nancy, that you are not alone - your sweetheart is right there with you, silently cheering you on and guiding you whenever you need him to.

God bless,

M

Patty Wood on August 03, 2020:

Thank you, thank you, thank you I have been struggling these last few weeks with this very question. The love of my life passed away almost 6 months ago. We were married almost 38 years. When Jim passed, I experienced all of the feelings you described. So after the 5th month anniversary of his death, I made up my mind that it was time to move on. I joined a Catholic dating site I talked to my grief counselor, just to check to make sure I wasn’t on a fools mission. Almost immediately, I met a man who possessed many qualities I had become accustomed to with Jim but added qualities that made me feel like a school girl. My family was skeptical, but we set up a time to meet. I found that his tenderness and capacity for love was very attractive. Our stories were very similar with him being about a year ahead of me on the journey. Of course, our journey was impacted by COVID, but we are working through it. That along with a couple 100 miles separation, has made most of our dates Face times but it seems to be working for us.

I just wanted to say thank you because this article was just what I needed this morning.

Jennifercox0129 on July 06, 2020:

I’ve lost my soulmate yesterday and I feel like I want to die. He was the only person that got me. We would know what each other is thinking, know what we were gonna say to each other even before saying it. When one of us hurt both of us hurt. I feel like my soul has been ripped out of my chest. I want him back so much it’s literally breaking my heart. We both knew we were soulmates early on in our relationship. We have almost identical pasts and we connected on a level not of this world. He was 13 years older than me but our love for each other was unlike anything I have ever felt. I don’t know how I’m going to move on a part of me doesn’t want to. I have for the last year been in a program for alcoholism and he was the ONLY person that has never held my affliction over my head, because he was facing the same demons. We complimented each other on so many things. Friday July 3rd was my 1 year anniversary of my sobriety and July 4th he passed. I was the one who found him on the couch, looking as if he was asleep. I can’t believe this is real. I want him back, this can’t be happening. Every part of my body hurts. My heart the most. I keep going through over and over what I could have done. How I could have pushed him harder to take care of himself. Within these last few months, more and more he would say “Jen if anything should ever happen to me always know I love you and I will love you forever and please if this happens don’t pick up a bottle”. What I feel for him is so much more that the word love doesn’t justify. I lost my best friend, my soulmate, twin flame, my lover and confidant. I just don’t know what to do. I’m not suicidal but if god was to take me so that I could be with him, then I’ll gladly go. Please help this hurts so bad.

Marjatta (author) on June 21, 2020:

Dear Hasna,

Thank you for your private message. I'm so very sorry that you lost your husband and soulmate on Mother's Day.

Please know that you can and will carry on your life one day at a time ... because he's always right there with you. Ask him for his help in healing your broken heart, and you will be guided.

In the meantime, take the pressure off of yourself to mourn on a strict timetable. The grieving process can make you feel helplessly "up" one day and "down" the next. It might take months or even years to feel sufficiently back on solid ground emotionally, where you don't have to wake up grim with determination just to get through one more day without a meltdown.

I am sure you can do this, Hasna. Gradually, your pain will be alleviated, and your heart will feel lighter once again. Just know that you are NEVER alone in your journey ... many of us have walked a similar road and also needed all the support we could get.

Wishing you many healing blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on June 20, 2020:

Dear Michele,

Thank you for your private message. I am sincerely sorry that your soulmate died due to his alcohol abuse. This was entirely out of your control, so don't beat yourself up about issuing a caveat to continuing your relationship.

Also don't worry about not saying, "I love you," during your last two phone conversations. He knew you loved him in a much deeper way than just these superficial words. It's easy to say "I love you," but not so easy to back up those words by genuine caring.

It sounds like you had a ton of caring for him, but it also seems that he may have been too far gone in his alcoholism journey to allow anyone back into his life ... at least not completely.

Michele, loving an addict is a whole new ballgame that few of us are equipped to deal with. While an addict may claim to love you to the ends of the earth, his current first love is likely the booze or the drug ... anything that helps him cope by numbing himself against what he may see as a strictly hurtful world.

Now that his spirit is free, so should yours be. You did everything in your human power to contact him and keep him grounded while he was here on Earth. And you should feel absolutely zero responsibility for his demise. No guilt on your part is appropriate here unless you continuously enabled him by bringing him more beer and liquor, which I doubt you did.

Rest assured, you can move forward - your beloved knows how much you loved him and still love him to this day. Give yourself the same permission to enjoy the peace that you wish for him.

Blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on June 14, 2020:

Hi Zontaezza,

First, I am sorry for the loss of your soulmate and father of your child. It certainly can't be easy for you, especially raising a three-year-old son on your own.

At the same time, you mentioned that when your soulmate was alive, he left you for someone else who provided things to him that ultimately killed him. Perhaps he had an addiction to something that he didn't feel in control of, for example. Understandably, this must have left you confused, since you considered him to be the love of your life.

You asked for some encouraging words to help you move on with life and love, knowing that you did everything you were supposed to do while he was alive. Yes, it sounds like you did do everything within your power to love him exactly as he was, and he was lucky to have you. But if he was an addict, even your strongest love and sacrifice wouldn't be enough to save him until he found the power to heal himself from within.

Feeling stuck emotionally is very difficult to overcome. Maybe you can't move on without debilitating guilt, or perhaps you have doubts that you can carry the responsibility of raising your son by yourself. But think about it. You've already been doing this for some time, by the sounds of it. And the unconditional love you had for your son's father will be passed on to him, no doubt, even though his father also may have had issues that even you couldn't heal.

At the end of the day, you should be proud of yourself for facing this difficult situation so bravely and without bitterness. I am convinced by your writing that the bottom line for you is the welfare of your son and whether you can give him the best life possible. You will.

Marjatta (author) on June 12, 2020:

Dear Kasey,

Thanks for reaching out privately.

No matter whom you lost, even if they were your best friend, you must always fight the urge to give up on your own life. There may be someone around the next corner who needs you in a very big way ... don't deprive them of the gift that is YOU. And don't deprive yourself of the gift that is THEM. You can possibly help each other overcome your respective challenges, even if they aren't "life partner" material.

Blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on June 12, 2020:

Dear Karhleen,

Thank you for reaching out via private email.

Yes, your feelings are 100% normal. I hope my article did trigger you to cry and release some of the pent-up sadness that your broken heart must be experiencing.

It appears you are already learning that in order to move forward with your life TOMORROW, you must fully experience your emotions TODAY, no matter how difficult. If you're not yet at the stage where you are able to do this, then you aren't ready to move forward, period.

Wishing you much comfort and peace of mind,

M

Marjatta (author) on June 12, 2020:

Dear Bob 1I,

Thank you for your private email.

I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, after the death of one's soulmate, the shock and numbness can soon wear off only to be replaced by incredible heartbreak. The "tormenting feelings of hurt and loneliness" are definitely so severe that nothing else matters at the moment.

I congratulate you for continuing to work full-time and trying to keep busy as a diversion. You definitely sound young enough (physically and mentally) to enjoy the rest of the gift that is your life while gradually overcoming your sorrow to the point that you can live with it, however painful.

God bless,

M

Zontaezza Arellano on March 31, 2020:

Hello. I lost my soulmate two months ago . Something that should have not happened but I had dreams of happening. We share a 3 year old together. Before he passed he left me to be with someone else who provided things to him that untimely killed him. He was the love of my life and I wanted nothing but the best for him. I’ve never loved someone so great like I’ve loved him. We had a rocky relationship but always loved each other. He has not visted me in my dreams so I feel as if he didn’t love me I’m not sure why I feel this way but he has came through a few times with a medium but never said anything about me but most definitely talked about our son. I’m devastated I feel as if I can’t move on from This how am I suppose to do this raise our son without him. I don’t know how else to live life without him it’s very frustrating because I feel stuck? I wish he would come to me in my dreams to let me know it’s ok and I’ll be ok and we will both connect when it’s my time to go. Please help with some Encouraging words to help me go on with life knowing I did everything I was suppose to for him and that it’s ok to move on with life and love. Thank you

Marjatta (author) on February 13, 2020:

Dear Allison,

If you are in love with a man who is still in heavy mourning over his deceased wife and even feels as if he is "cheating" on her if he is attracted to another woman, then he is obviously not ready for a new romantic relationship. And there is no way of knowing when he is going to feel differently ... so if you're really interested in him, you may have a very long wait ahead of you.

Whether you give him space or support him as a "friend," it's really important to know what is best for YOU in the long run. If you need more from him emotionally than he is able to give you right now, then you may find that being in the "friend zone" is supremely frustrating and lonely. On the other hand, if you genuinely don't mind pushing your romantic feelings aside because you truly value his current friendship over all else, you can continue to coast along in this same manner indefinitely ... with zero expectation of it turning into anything more serious.

It sounds as if you may need to have a very serious sit-down with each other to discuss your mutual needs and expectations from this relationship. Then you both must be prepared to deal with the honest answers.

Blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on January 20, 2020:

Dear Jan T,

Thank you for your private email describing your journey since your husband died. His final letter calling you his "immortal beloved" is absolutely true, and feeling his presence every day for the past five years is likely because he wants to comfort you and keep you safe. That will never change, even when/if you remarry.

Speaking of marriage, I am glad you know in your heart of hearts that your soul is capable of infinite love for other souls who are fortunate enough to encounter you during their own life journeys. And you also know that your beloved husband will never be jealous or think that you don't need his presence in your life. His only wish is that you feel happy, loved, and secure. Trust your gut. Enjoy your life going forward, content in the knowledge that you have a wonderful guardian angel looking after you forever and always. :)

Many blessings,

M

Amazing Grace on January 13, 2020:

Thank you so much for the Beautiful reading. I lost my soul mate 2weeks ago and I feel terrible. We had a brief argument the night before he died, I blocked his numbers and ignored his calls all night only the find out in the morning he was killed. I know he loved me unconditionally and he knew I loved him too but the angry messages he left me makes me feel like a bad person. If he died angry at me does it mean he's still angry and did he forgive me or not?

Anthony Holmes on January 02, 2020:

My soulmate passed two years ago. She is the love of my life and died in my arms from cancer. I have only one wish in life and that's to be reconnected with her in the next life.

She has come to me only twice in my dreams. The first one was very real and her body had healed from the scars of the operations from her breast cancer. She looked so beautiful and happy. Even though i knew it was a dream i realised that she had come back to tell me she had moved on in the next life.

I miss her with all my heart and I don't want to love again. The love we had was more than enough for me and I am truly grateful for her coming into my life.

We came from different religions and cultures but our love brought us together.

I believe that if god can bring us together in this life then he will bring us together in the next life.

I want to be happy again and I accept that I can meet someone else.

I just wanted to share my story with everyone.

Allison on December 04, 2019:

I want to know what can a person do who are inlove with someone who's soulmate died and after two yrs relies he is not over her yet.he loves the new lady but can't commit because he feels like he is cheating on his decease wife.what can or must I do.must I give him space or surport him by just being a friend.

Marjatta (author) on November 15, 2019:

Dear Jason,

Thank you for your private email. I am so sorry that you lost your beautiful wife and soulmate much too soon.

You mentioned feeling "shattered," and I can't think of a better word to describe how our lives feel after the love of our life passes on.

And I agree that taking things "one day at a time" can help us digest the devastating loss of our loved one from this physical world in more manageable chunks, even though we still feel we might choke on our overwhelming grief.

I admire your courage and desire to find your inner peace after what has happened to you. You deserve happiness, peace of mind, good health, and a sense of well-being for the rest of your days.

Your soulmate, even though she no longer has a physical presence on this planet, will be with you forever. Her strength will help you with all of the travails of daily life ... she will always be the angel in your back-pocket. Never forget that. :)

Blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on October 28, 2019:

Dear David W,

Thank you for your thoughtful and well-written private email. I am very sorry that you had to suffer so much incredible loss within such a short time.

Yes, after our soulmate dies, there may be a cycle of self-medicating that can be really tough to get out of unless we recognize it early on. Too many of us can fall into quick fixes like alcohol and weed, or even prescription medications from our doctors, simply to get through the day (and/or night). When we feel completely and utterly alone, it's so tempting to drown our sorrows or pull the blankets up over our heads.

But postponing our grief and pain never lasts for long ... and I would like to share your excellent advice for those who have lost their soulmates. You said, "They need to hear and be reminded and know that their grief takes on epic proportions in relation to the epicness of the relationship they had."

Exactly.

I have not yet read any of his books, but author Dr. Alan Wolfelt discusses "heroic mourning" and "epic grief." I'll share my thoughts after I've had a chance to read one or two of his writings.

Again, thank you for taking the time to reach out and share your experience, David.

Blessings,

M

Julianna on September 17, 2019:

Hello- wonderful article! I recently lost my boyfriend, my soulmate. thank you for your insight.

Marjatta (author) on September 06, 2019:

Dear Mireia,

Thank you for your kind email.

I am so very sorry to hear that you lost your soulmate recently. And yes, the grief is terrifying, especially in the early days when you're still in shock and your mind can't quite accept the fact that he is truly physically gone.

But he is still very much with you, perhaps more so than ever, and your heart-to-heart communication with him is very real. As you know, your love for one another is eternal, and nothing will ever change that. He will always be your guardian angel, no matter where life takes you.

When my darling soulmate died, I remember wandering around the house for days, talking to him out loud. At other times, I would just drop to the floor, curl up in a ball, and wail like a wounded animal until my stomach hurt so bad, I needed to stop.

Mireia, you deserve the right to mourn as long as you need to and in any way that you need to.

I pray that God will comfort you and give you the strength to endure these darkest of days with a sense of hope instead of despair. You WILL survive this, and your soulmate will always continue to enhance your life for the better.

Many blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on July 18, 2019:

Dear Kat,

Thank you for joining the conversation and for your valuable feedback on this article!

I agree that others who have NOT lost their soulmates can never fully understand the utter devastation that it causes for those remaining here on Earth. The pain of this loss is truly indescribable, and it takes every ounce of our strength to learn to live our lives in a joyful state once again ... without the physical presence of that person.

In addition, I agree that the phrase "pity party" may be construed as flippant pressure to heal and rejoin everyday life sooner than a mourner is able and prepared to do so. It also may infer that there is something wrong with grieving a person's loss for longer than what society deems as acceptable (whatever length that may be). This was never my intent, and I will further tweak this article to further clarify this point.

Again, Kat, thank you so much for your input and assistance in improving this article. Your comments are always welcome!!!

Blessings,

M

Kat on July 17, 2019:

I think it can be problematic to use the “pity party” phrase, because sudden bereavement can result in PTSD and traumatic grief. Everybody mourns differently, and the problem with our society today is that we view mourning and grief as something with a set time; to go past this allotted time immediately means you’re pitying yourself or whining. Encouraging people to move on is not realistic. Just because someone’s grief is complicated and takes months or years doesn’t mean they’re playing the victim. “Get back on your feet and brush it off” attitude is dangerous and not helpful.

Marjatta (author) on July 11, 2019:

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for your email of July 3, 2019, requesting more information. Perhaps in the future, plans might be made to create an e-book on this subject. :)

Blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on July 10, 2019:

Dear Julia,

Thank you for your kind email. I am so sorry for the loss of your soulmate.

You said, "I work at moving on, moving through grief and life, but there is that void...that place right next to me where he sat."

Julia, I couldn't have said it better myself.

When your soulmate dies, it can truly feel as if there is no longer any air to breathe. It's like a sucker punch to the gut - we are always unprepared. And, yes, there ARE many other people who truly get the loss of one's soulmate, Julia. You are not alone here.

Lastly, don't let anyone else dictate how long or how much you should grieve, even if it's your trusted family or close friends. This grief is yours alone, and you deserve to determine how you feel with it (and deal with it) on a daily basis.

The horrifying experience of finding your beloved dead when you got home from work will be an image emblazoned on your soul forever. My own soulmate dropped dead right in front of me from a heart attack. At first, I couldn't get it out of my mind for more than a few minutes. Now, I can finally think of it at will and not dissolve into tears of despair. Instead, the joyous images of so many other occasions quickly overrule this one devastating and tragic event.

God bless,

M

Marjatta (author) on June 20, 2019:

Dear Lisa J,

Thank you for sharing. My deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved Charlie. I understand that your heart belongs to your husband.

I made an edit to the final part of my article to acknowledge that there are many who will never desire another romantic relationship after the death of their soulmate and are perfectly content to spread their love to others in different ways. So long as your heart is still reaching out to others and you are extending your love to them, I believe you'll have a fabulously rich and rewarding life filled with love and joy.

There are still many more positive things for you to do on this planet, Lisa. When you talk to Charlie in your heart, let him guide you. :) He'll show you the way.

Blessings,

M

Lisa J on June 14, 2019:

I lost my Charlie 61 days ago. 29 days just shy of our 34th wedding anniversary. I am grateful he's out of pain, and those long stays in the cardiac ICU are over. But nothing is more painful losing your spouse. I lost my compassionate soul mate. I lost my friend, my teacher, my shoulder. My everything. I lost my husband. I can't even fathom looking for love later on. My love is gone. My heart is hurting and will forever be empty. One day we will be together again and our hearts will be filled with love and happiness for eternity. I truly believe that. I'm only 56 yrs old and to contemplate dating is inconceivable to me. I lost thee one that made it matter. There is no way I can fall in love again. My heart belongs to my husband.

Marjatta (author) on May 17, 2019:

Dear Raymond Cann,

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Clare.

After 11 years, one year is not a long time to mourn the loss of someone that you probably expected to grow old with someday. And your heart will continue to love Clare for as long as you live ... as it should.

It's also quite normal not to be able to picture yourself with anyone else during this period of intense mourning, nor should you try to force yourself to do so.

At the same time, I also understand your desire not to grow old and alone. At the age of 45, you are still relatively young, so try not to worry about your golden years just yet. Instead, focus on the healing process that you are going through at this very moment. YOU are the only person who matters right now. YOU are the only person who can decide if and when you will be ready to share your heart with another soul again.

Wishing you much peace and comfort,

M

Marjatta (author) on May 17, 2019:

Dear Shannon L. Owens,

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved husband.

Yes, sometimes we can laugh a bit through our tears, even when our hearts are burdened with such incredible sadness.

Actually, there's nothing wrong with marking the days off the calendar ... each of us have rituals we follow to cope during a time of pure helplessness. Somehow, even these tiny actions can give us a sense of control and purpose, so long as they help to gently propel us forward rather than chaining our happiness exclusively to the past.

May your heart and soul find renewed comfort and healing each and every day.

God bless,

M

Raymond cann on May 01, 2019:

I lost my girlfriend of 11 years one year ago next week and I miss her so much I'm 45 year old I don't want nobody else im still in love with Clare even though she's passed away I can't see me being with another woman but I also don't want to grow old and alone

Shannon L. Owens on April 29, 2019:

You had me crying and laughing. I began to read out loud so my deceased husband could hear your words, if there is such a thing. I have thought, prayed and spoken every thing you wrote and am literally crossing the days off of my calendar. Mostly to remember how many days he's been gone but I am still doing it and I laughed through my tears when I read it. Thank you for this article.

Marjatta (author) on April 24, 2019:

Dear Mgmidget76,

First, my condolences for the loss of your soul mate.

Second, thank you. Your well-written perspective brought up a situation that I did not address in detail: the voluntary choice NOT to date again after the death of your soul mate and being absolutely okay with that.

I agree that choosing not to date again definitely does NOT mean that your soul is suffering, that you are guilty of anything, or that your life is a prison sentence. Nor does it mean that you need to find mutual romantic love with anyone else on this planet to feel completely happy and fulfilled.

And while my article was definitely not intended to be "one size fits all," I can now see how it could appear that way because it didn't address all scenarios/situations.

Mgmidget76, you have given me much food for thought, and I sincerely appreciate it. I intend to review this article and tweak it accordingly.

Thanks again for your valuable input,

M

Mgmidget76 on April 22, 2019:

I don't agree, that choosing not to date again means my soul is suffering, I am guilty of anything, or it is a prison sentence. I spent a life time looking for him, and he spent a life time looking for me. When we met and through the 15 years we were together it was magical and like nothing either have ever experienced. Marriage, monogamy, love does not necessarily add up to soul mate – it is something deeper and almost indescribable.

From my reference point, when reading this article, is that the author feels there is something wrong with the choice not to date after the loss of your soul mate. He is gone physically, but our souls are entwined and cannot be separated. I haven’t lost love so there is nothing for me to find in someone else. If anything his physical death has taught me, is that I was right, about me, him and our life together. While true, he is not physically here, that doesn’t mean every movement of everyday we aren’t still together. So I challenge what exactly you expect me to search for? I already have it.

I live my life very much in peace with my choices. Periodically, I am challenged with my decision not to date, and for the ultimate question... "what would he say?" Well he would simply say "Stop pretending that you need someone else's permission to live your life" meaning... I will not allow this article or any person I come across in life to either bully me or guilt me into dating again especially by trying to use "what would he say". Or even hint at the fact without it, that my life serves no purpose. Nor will I allow you to say that my life existence is meaningless because I will not date. This is a firm example of societal pressures, judgment, and conformity into narrow minded thinking that you can’t physically be alone – yet not lonely. I am deeply saddened by this article and feel that personal choices should not be judged in such a harsh manner or the mere indication in a passive-aggressive passage that this is the only way one can be happy in the aftermath of losing their soul mate.

Marjatta (author) on April 15, 2019:

Dear Autumn S,

Thank you for sharing. While no article or written word can give you ultimate peace after the loss of your soul mate, I am glad you realize that you are not alone in your grief.

Some people might think, "She's young. She'll get over it eventually," but that doesn't make it any easier. Just because you are 24 does not mean that your life didn't bottom out after the death of your beloved. And I understand the need to put one's life on hold or "halt" as the case may be.

At the same time, your life is gradually inching forward even if you can't feel it doing so just yet. And the lessons your beloved taught you will someday be a great help when you are called upon to aid another person ... perhaps they already have!

Blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on April 15, 2019:

Dear Dennis B,

Thank you for your email and your kind words. My heart goes out to you for the loss of your beloved soul mate.

You said that Lara taught you to be more kind and loving toward others and that you will continue striving to be the person she wanted you to be. That is a beautiful testament of your love for one another ... a lasting legacy which will warm the hearts of those around you for many years to come, I suspect. :)

Thanks again for sharing.

M

Marjatta (author) on April 06, 2019:

Hi Sara,

Thank you for sharing.

I totally understand your feelings of bitterness toward your new husband for not being your deceased husband. I think that is very normal as we learn to open our hearts fully again. We just can't help but compare our current life to the life we had before.

Yet there is NO WAY that your beloved who passed away will ever feel jealous or think that you love your new husband more. A true soul mate will understand and want you to be safe, happy, and surrounded by all the love this universe can muster. There is no jealousy in heaven.

I believe that the only way your deceased loved one WILL hurt is if he sees that you feel lonely, sad, and bitter - living with a painfully closed-off heart that is just going through the motions, rather than allowing yourself to feel genuine love for another soul.

M

Marjatta (author) on April 06, 2019:

Dear Scotty Sipe,

Thank you for sharing your story. My sincerest condolences for the loss of your wife of 31 years. I cannot imagine what that pain must feel like.

To paraphrase, you summarized it like this, "I have a strong faith and a great relationship with God. Still, I walked through hell, went as far down as man can go without death, and I truly thought I would die."

Exactly.

And you also said, in essence, "It’s hard to look forward, but I must finish whatever God's plan is for me so we can dance across heaven for eternity."

I think you summarized it perfectly!

Wishing you nothing but peace, comfort, healing and joy going forward.

M

Marjatta (author) on April 03, 2019:

Dear John McL,

Thank you for your email. I understand that after 40 years of physically being together with your beautiful wife, Stephanie [who ultimately lost her brave fight against cancer], you still feel very strongly connected to her.

Yes, I believe that the bond we share with our deceased soul mate can actually grow stronger after their death because we are no longer restricted to a physical interaction with them. We can communicate 100% freely through our hearts, and they will surely do the same with us.

John, I trust that you already have more than enough courage, hope, and wisdom in your heart to assist in your search for guidance and meaning, even after the loss of your beloved Stephanie. She will always be the strongest defender of your happiness and well-being. Just be patient, if you can, while you wait for her voice to gently guide you - and she WILL guide you - once you can quiet the chatter in your own mind.

Blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on March 29, 2019:

Dear Simone H,

Thank you for your email. My heartfelt sympathies for the loss of your husband. I am glad this article helped to stop your tears for one night.

Yes, losing your soul mate in their physical form can further "cement the reality" of your love for them. In one of life's cruelest ironies, we can often meet our soul mates shortly before physically losing them to death. And we can become understandably perplexed as to whether there is any rhyme or reason to this event that has caused us so much suffering.

Rest assured, I believe there is. If your soul mate entered your life, they must have done something epic and meaningful to affect you on a very deep level. At the very least, they also taught you how to live a better version of yourself ... a version that now contains a part of them in everything you do.

You can never "un-know" a soul mate.

Blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on March 29, 2019:

Hi Bob,

You asked "What if you're responsible from lack of action when they were ill but you didn’t want to be that guy second guessing them?"

I'm not quite sure what you mean by this question, but it does sound like you may be carrying around a lot of unnecessary guilt regarding the death of your loved one. I believe this is more common than we think.

I lost my fiance to a sudden heart attack - two days before he had an appointment with a doctor, which I had relentlessly nagged him to schedule. Would he still be alive today if I had put my foot down harder and sooner? Perhaps. However, his heart disease was already very advanced, and I never knew that at the time. I only knew that men are notorious for avoiding doctors, and I wanted to make sure that the frequent "muscle pulls" in his chest were nothing more than that, as he claimed.

Are any of us fortune-tellers when it comes to life and death? No. Yet why do we sometimes blame ourselves for events that we have no control over? Why do we feel so omnipotent on occasion that we believe our actions (or lack thereof) really have that much power over another person's life? Thoughts like, "If only I had known ... if only I had pushed harder ... if only I had (insert action), they might still be alive today," only serve to further kick you down, when what you really need is comfort, peace, and a whole lot of unconditional love.

M

Marjatta (author) on March 26, 2019:

Dear Simon B,

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Debbie at such a young age.

I know how hard it is to put one's foot in front of the other during this incredibly difficult time, let alone trying to figure out how you are supposed to live out the rest of your days without her.

Rest assured, you can and will continue to be fortified by Debbie's soul ... for as long as you will let her voice ring clearly in your heart. You will never again be alone, unless you choose to be.

I suggest that Debbie may have already taught you some important life lessons that you will want to keep near and dear to your heart forever. And I have no doubt that by listening to her voice, you will gain a better understanding of your overall life's purpose going forward.

M

Marjatta (author) on March 20, 2019:

Dear Gail,

Thank you for sharing your story. My sincerest sympathy for your loss.

While some may say that 50 years is a very long time to spend with one person, I'm sure that, in retrospect, it must seem that the time you spent together happened in the blink of an eye. We always want more time ... even a few extra seconds ... to be with our beloved.

I like your suggestion of using the expression "moving forward" instead of "moving on." And I admire the fact that you are getting out there and participating in the world, regardless of how much pain you're in right now. I also have no doubt that your husband is very proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other and being fully there for your children and grandchildren.

God bless, and may you quickly find peace, comfort, and happiness once again.

M

Autumn S. on March 01, 2019:

Hello,

I am really the type to avoid commenting on all platforms. However, I have been searching for a well laid out article that I can connect with. So I can understand I am not alone. This article brought me peace to some extent.

I lost my boyfriend of 9 years about 2 months ago now. I am 24 years old, he was 23 (24 in May). He passed from a tragic accident involving a fall. In the blink of an eye I lost my best friend and soul mate. We lived together for 5 years and I have recently moved away from the apartment we shared. I am lost in that I am struggling to face reality. The connection we had was rare, especially in todays dating world. Our connection was emotional, physical and our morals and values lined up perfectly. On top of this we pretty much grew up together what with spending 9 years of our lives together. I love him very dearly, and I was well aware of his love for me. My life is at a hault. However I am trying to embrace what we had, and cherish the memories.

The most difficult struggle I have experienced so far is revisiting the pictures and videos throughout the years. I am however finding solice in having his things whether it be music, books or film. I am so greatful for that. He was my life partner and we shared so many of the same interests.

So I would like to thank the author of this article for helping me recognize the pain is shared and that my life will eventually move forward. It scares me to think this but the article makes it clear that I (we) will be okay. I will continue to reference this article whenever things do not seem as if they could possibly get better. As I am sure this will not be the last time I feel so low. Thank you!

Marjatta (author) on February 20, 2019:

Hello Linda,

My sincere condolences for your loss. Yes, I also share your appreciation for the other readers who expressed how they felt during this most difficult time in their lives - despite the fact that no words exist to adequately describe the utter devastation and sense of loss one feels.

When your soul mate dies, it takes supreme effort to acknowledge it in your own mind. But then if you are lucky enough to have a supportive network of friends and family, they will rally around you and be there for you as long as it takes for you to start feeling a bit better.

However, there is truly no time limit on grief of this magnitude, so while your supporters are there for you now, eventually they will resume their own lives and you will have to find your new "normal."

May your journey lead you to eventual inner peace, acceptance, and comfort.

M

Marjatta (author) on February 13, 2019:

Dear Cristina,

Thank you for sharing.

Yes, it is extremely difficult to know how to live your life after your soul mate dies. All of the plans and dreams that included your beloved must now be modified to NOT include him in your physical life going forward.

Yet your soul mate's unconditional love for you is eternal, and he will always be there to encourage you each step of the way. Whenever you become sad or lonely, just picture the look of love for you in his eyes. Whenever you feel consumed by worry and anxiety, imagine in your heart what wise words he would say to soothe and encourage you in your quest to fulfil your unique destiny in an environment of love and joy.

Always remember that your soul mate has got your back, no matter what. All you need to do is think of him/her, and they will be there to support you in all of your positive endeavours, including, yes, possibly even a new loving relationship with another special person.

M

Marjatta (author) on February 09, 2019:

Dear babyxhil,

You have my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your beloved.

Even at the tender age of 24, you appear to have a wisdom beyond your years. You have reached out to others in a healthy way, and your observations about dating after experiencing such a significant loss are spot on. How does one rejoin the dating world in a carefree manner when their soul mate has died? The answer, as you have found out, is that one simply cannot. Dating will never be carefree again. And it is supremely difficult NOT to compare the person you are dating with your deceased soul mate.

However, there is a very good reason that you were put on this planet, and you must continue to live out your unique destiny with all of your heart. Whether or not you eventually meet a new soul mate in this lifetime is in God's hands. In the meantime, you have the potential to positively affect so many other lives by gifting them with your love and nurturing right in the here-and-now. A true soul mate will always leave you stronger and more loving than before you met them - so I encourage you to spread that unconditional love to others.

Many blessings,

M

Marjatta (author) on January 21, 2019:

Dear Tomasina,

Thank you for reaching out via email to ask: "Is this a book that can be purchased or an article that I can obtain?"

Currently, no, there are no plans to convert this to an e-book (complete with readers' comments), however, that is a great idea that may be explored in the future.

Even after two years, yes, your feelings are entirely normal. While nothing anyone can write will make your pain completely go away, you mentioned that "The people's testimonies hit home and make me feel that I am normal."

Indeed, you are quite normal in your grieving process. There is no way to adequately describe how it feels to lose one's soul mate unless you have also experienced it yourself.

I agree that the testimonies from others in the same situation have helped all of us realize that we are not alone in our grief. It also reminds us that we are still very much needed in the here-and-now by our families and friends, not to mention those folks we haven't even met yet. :)

Thank you for your valuable contribution, Tomasina.

M

Marjatta (author) on January 07, 2019:

Dear John,

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt feelings so eloquently.

The eternal bond you have with your wife will never be broken, no matter where life takes you. She will continue to guide and support you for eternity ... all you need to do is talk to her in your heart and listen to her voice for guidance.

M

Marjatta (author) on January 05, 2019:

Dear Lesley,

I have no doubt that Doug is with you every day, gently guiding you toward your life's purpose. Thank you for sharing.

M

LotusMoon on November 04, 2018:

10 years ago i lost my first love to cancer. I fell in love with her the instant I saw her picture on social media of all places. I reached out to her and we quickly fell in love. I am hapily married now and love my wife dearly but i still grieve her loss. For some reason, these past few days a wave of grief has come over me. Perhaps because my wife is on travel and i am feeling a bit lonely. I have only loved two people her and my current wife. However, first loves are special, at least mine was

Marjatta (author) on October 29, 2018:

Dear Sue,

Thank you for sharing your experience after the loss of your soul mate of 41 years. And yes, it sure does feel surreal when your loved one is suddenly no longer physically there to hug you, hold you, cry and laugh with you, or make you feel totally safe and at peace in his loving arms.

Please remember that you will always be connected to your beloved soul mate. And he will continue to love you and protect you in the best way he knows how - all it takes is to quietly listen for his guidance. He, like your own beating heart (if you listen to it), will never lead you astray, I promise.

Wishing you many blessings going forward,

M

allanespos on September 10, 2018:

I lost my wife, lover and friend of 39 years April of last year. I loved her from the day I "saw" her. Although we were neighbors, I did not really know her until we met at her cousin's debut party. Spur of the moment, I asked her to be my wife, which we did 10 years later. She died of sepsis in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Brought her ashes back home to fulfill a promise. I don't know what's in store for me after losing the love of my life.

Sara on August 19, 2018:

After being with my husband of 12 years he passed away 2 and a half months after my mother. He truly is my soulmate. It's been 3 years since he passed away and I recently remarried. Sometimes I feel bitterness towards my new husband for not being my deceased husband. I try to open my heart not that he makes it easy all the time. But no matter what I never want my deceased husband to think I love my new husband more. Because I NEVER will.

Simon Buttery on August 05, 2018:

Thank you for this post I lost the love of my life six weeks ago to sepsis we were going to get married in March next year we loved each other so so much I am finding it so hard to cope with as Debbie was only 53 years old.

Bob on August 05, 2018:

What if your responsible from lack of action when they were ill but you didn’t want to be that guy second guessing them

Marjatta (author) on July 04, 2018:

Dear newstart4jm,

I am so sorry for your loss and that you feel you have no one you can reach out to for support.

You mentioned that your loved one was a 'secret' soul mate, thus perhaps friends and family wouldn't understand the depth of your grief. Please know that there are many others who do, and we are all here to support you.

Because it's been over four months since you last wrote in, I would love to hear an update from you to see how you've been holding up during this incredibly sorrowful time in your life.

God bless,

M

Cathey Frye on June 24, 2018:

I lost my husband of 35 years to cancer he fought it to stay with me for 2 years and 6 months . He suffered so much pain with chemo and radiation and surgery all to loose his battle . I still feel so lost to the point of making myself sick. He was my partner ,my lover and my soul mate . We worked to gather in our successful business . We spent every waking moment to gather . Where do I go from here? My first husband died from a car accident so I know the grief process but this time it is different because my children are grown and it is just me and my Yorkie . I know life goes on with or without us . I just want to be happy again . I lost my son the year before my husbands death so I know all types of death . I almost died when my son died ,my husband said he thought I almost grieved my self to death. I hope to some day be able to laugh again and live whats left of my life to the full extent . I am in the process of selling my dream home that my husband and I built to gather it is to much for me to care for .

Scotty Sipe on April 15, 2018:

I lost my wife of 31 years at the age 46, she had the flue, turned into pneumonia the doctors made several mistakes and God came and took her. She was the most amazing women. We met when we was 15 had three kids before we was 21 and raised a village of kids. She was my best friend, my wife, my kids mother and my grandkids grandmother, really she was awesome at everything always went 10 times expectations.

At 46 I had never experienced heartbreak all my parents and siblings are still alive this was and will always be the most horrific tragedy in my life. I have strong faith and great relationship with god. Still I walked through hell went as far down as man can go with out death and I truly thought I would die. I have strong spiritual foundation it’s help me to conect and accept. My wife was a special sexy complete 10 my life’s desires her smile drove every compassion every ounce of motivation I needed. We was extremely close and aggressive family we spent a lot of time together, even after my kids growled up and got married.

It’s hard to look forward but I must finish what ever gods plan is for me so we can dance across heaven for eternity.

The hardest lessons teach us the most

Love is the most important thing we can do have love for everyone it’s love that gives us passion, allows us to forgive, builds our faith, love conquers all that’s wicked and stops all that’s evil, if not for Gods love Christ’s love and the holly Ghosts love none of us would stand a chance so it is love, with love we can live with integrity, humility and serve generosity so that ensures our eternity.

Every door is open for me I will let my faith my relationship with god and his and my love guide me home and I will serve serve every one with all my compassion so he will serve me.

Marjatta (author) on April 13, 2018:

Dear Sherrie and Dacheng,

Thank you for reaching out to me via email.

I have no doubt that your loved ones are with you every step of the way, even if you can no longer physically touch them or hear their voice.

If your love for them influences the rest of your life on this planet for the better, then they have already fulfilled their mission through you. By loving you unconditionally, they have also freed you to love others unconditionally.

Think about it. How many hurting souls can you think of who really need your kindness right now? It's a lesson that your soul mate wanted you to learn after they had already learned it.

Gail on April 11, 2018:

I lost my husband of 47 years to a stroke in September of 2017. I had been with him nearly 50 years . He took me to my senior ball. I waited for him while he was sent to Vietnam. We were married on his R and R. We have 2 children and 8 grandchildren. As the song goes by Roy Orbison, anything he wanted he got it. I lived my life to be with him. After 3 years of illness 2 stroke , brain surgery , and vascular dementia. I am so glad I found this artical. It has been 6 months now I miss him everyday. I have started a part time job, put my wedding ring on my right hand. I can not

Explain how hard moving forward ( I like that expression better then moving on) is. I know this is how it has to be, live my life without him.

I do hope for happiness again. Thank you for your artical ,

Linda on March 20, 2018:

This really hit the nail on the head of how I am doing after almost 3 years of losing my best friend, lover, soul mate knowing him for 18 years. Thank You for sharing everyone I am lost for words and feel the energy though. All you need to know what is in your heart and mind is all you need.

Cristina on March 11, 2018:

I lost my soulmate on February 14th. It was a car accident and he died right after. We've been together more than 3 years and were living together for 3 years.

I am 25, but I can't even picture my life without him, he was my everything.I don't know what to do and how to live my life.

babyxhil on March 09, 2018:

I am so thankful i found this article/comment section. Loved reading all the thoughtful comments people have left expressing their inner grievances that have followed losing their soul mates; there arent many platforms to do so. I'm 24 years old and I lost my soul mate who was 25 about a year and a half ago. The pain is incredibly intense sometimes it still brings me to my knees. Its hard because he left me with so much life left to live, and i too think about how he also had so much life left to live.

Sometimes I feel odd that so much time has passed yet here I am still feeling like i've lost a part of me. I guess thats what losing a soul mate does to you. I've sorda accepted the fact that this is a pain I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Its hard even dating because when you meet your soul mate you know no one else can match that energy that you had with them (unless youre lucky enough to meet another soul mate in this life time). I remember meeting my boyfriend and we both said it felt like him and I were the only ones in the room at the time; it was like we just "knew." I knew it was him and he likewise knew it was me.

We'd never give up on each other no matter how bad things got and in a lot of ways we were actually polar opposites. But I've heard if everything is perfect then that person likely is NOT your soul mate lol. Any how, what i find hard now is dating. Im only 24 so I really don't want to spend the rest of my life alone but its so hard because i fall into comparing the person i date with my boyfriends energy. Like why doesnt THIS feel the same? Why are you not him (secretly is what im thinking)? It's so hard.

A part of me feels blessed to have had the chance to know and love him while the other part of me just feels plain angry. It's almost like the song by leann rhymes when she states "Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much.. God give me a moments grace, because if i'd never seen your face I probably wouldn't be this way.."

I'll love him forever and I do pray that our souls meet again next lifetime...wherever that may be.

John on February 21, 2018:

I lost my wife to a stroke just a month ago. Her health had been poor and deteriorating for several years now. We both knew that it was unlikely that she would live to what many might consider an old age, but at only 56 her call to go home to the Lord came much sooner than I ever expected.

I had the strangest feeling right when she passed away. Although I was consumed by unfathomable sorrow, a sort of happiness was mixed in. I somehow just knew that she was okay now. I was even just a little bit jealous and really wished that I could go with her in that moment. I imagined what an amazing experience it must be for her to cross over to another plane of existence.

Together, my beautiful wife and I have experienced the loss of our parents, and the loss of our precious first child who was stillborn. While I would never want to diminish the loss of any loved one, I can say that my wife's passing is on an entirely different level. I think a lot of what makes it so difficult is that we had each other through the loss of other loved ones. While I do have our three adult children and many great friends, I feel that I have to be strong for them, and I am. My wife was the one person in front of whom I could just break down, and her with me. We just "understood" each other on a level that I can't expect from anyone else. We made it okay for each other.

I have spent a great deal of my time since she passed just reliving memories and delighting in having her back with me again in my dreams. I suspect it very well may be a symptom of serious depression, but I've come to embrace my grief. It's so incredibly strong, but that's because she gave me so many blessings and was so good to me. My grief reminds me of how very much I loved my wife. It makes me tremendously sad, but much like the moment she passed, it also makes me happy to know that I was so blessed to have had her for the time that I was allowed. Like her memory, I know it will never leave me. I see no reason to wish that it would.

It's an odd feeling to know that it will get better with time, but to also know that it will never get better until I am back together with her, where I belong. Relative to grief, I think the only thing that time does for us here on earth is to allow our perspective to grow.

I've come to believe that our time here in this earthly existence is less than even the snap of the fingers in the grand scheme of eternity. I choose to believe that we will be back together again so soon, in terms of "time" on the other side, it will seem that we've been apart for such a short time that neither of us will even be able to have noticed it.

I think I have always known, even if perhaps only subconsciously, that we were soulmates, destined to be together forever. I am reasonably certain that the kind of love we had is not common.

Neither of us was anywhere near perfect, we both most certainly had our flaws. What we were though, was perfect for each other. Each accepting the other's shortcomings and loving unconditionally.

When I reflect on our vows, we both honored them completely. The only part I regret is "til death do us part". If I had them to do over again, there would be no mention of parting. We will never part. The Lord's grace, through my memories of her, will simply carry me until we're back together in less than the snap of the fingers.

Lesley on February 14, 2018:

Thank you so much for this post. I just lost my soulmate Doug to cancer less than 3 weeks ago, this helped!

Sue on February 11, 2018:

Lost my husband of 41 years Feb 1st. Truly my soulmate. I met him when I was 14 years old. We married soon after I turned 15 (yes, pregnancy) in Dec 1976. I literally spent my lifetime with him, he was a good man and my best friend. We had a good life together. This feels surreal...

newstart4jm on February 07, 2018:

I just lost my soulmate and feel so lost. I need to have someone to talk with. We were "secret" soulmates and I am the out sider and have no support. Please help!

Marjatta (author) on February 07, 2018:

Dear Jessica,

My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your soul mate at such a young age.

I believe that losing someone to suicide must be one of the worst pains one can imagine. There are no words to explain that horror - and the what-ifs can consume a person for an entire lifetime if they let them.

I encourage you to seek help from a professional who can assist you in dealing with the loss of your loved one under these circumstances.

M

Jessica on February 01, 2018:

I struggle daily...even moment to moment on some days. This is not what I thought life would be at 31...i thought I would be starting a family. I found the love of my life at 28, we bought a house when I was 29 and started trying for babies shortly after I turned 30. The day before he died, we talked about pregnancy tests because I was late. He was my ultimate love, there was nothing to compare to what I felt for him. We had fought, but I had fallen asleep thinking he had left to cool off. Instead, he came back in the room while I was sleeping and took his belt with him. He made his way to the garage and completed suicide with that belt. I remember when he bought it...where, when, the kind of day. What if I hadn't fallen asleep? I will never in my life forget the horror of finding him, I called my mother in the middle of waiting for someone to get there, and she says my screams will haunt her forever. The weeks and months after were a nightmare...i can't begin to count the number of times I cried out for him. Perhaps the biggest heartbreak was the day I got my period after he was gone...no baby. That was my Dusty and his baby to be. It would never be. Now , I don't even care about any of it. I'm 31 and just please bury me, cremate me with him. I have found rays of hope, but it's not enough. How do you go on?? I try. But can't gather the strength

Marjatta (author) on December 23, 2017:

Dear Jim,

First of all, my heart breaks for you. There truly are no words to describe this type of gut-wrenching pain to anyone else, unless they have also gone through it for themselves.

Thank you for sharing your honest feelings about Lorna and your guilt in fulfilling her wishes to be taken off life support. Please do not let your decision haunt you for the rest of your life. You knew what she wanted, and you did exactly what she wanted you to do. By doing that, you gave Lorna the greatest gift of love you could. And it proves that you not only loved her with all of your heart and soul, but also respected her immensely.

There does come a time in modern medicine when even the best of doctors can do no more, except to keep a patient comfortable while they transition to their new life. This new journey by our loved ones is beyond our control and is also the hardest one to accept.

Please remember that Lorna is still very much with you and always will be. Talk to her in your heart, and she will always listen and respond to your heart.

M

Marjatta (author) on December 14, 2017:

Dear Amanda,

Thank you for sharing your feelings, despite your fresh loss and the indescribable pain you must be experiencing right now. (Coincidentally, my own beloved also passed away on Nov 9 years ago, so we are sharing the same anniversary in a way.)

Your love for your fiance shines through in every word you type. I have no doubt that he feels it too. You are honoring him in such a beautiful way through your love for your daughter (and soon-to-be-born child). And yes, he will be there with you every step of the way - just not in a tangible, physical way.

I myself was numb for many months after my soul mate died suddenly and unexpectedly at a relatively young age. I cried, I curled up into a ball, I cursed God, and I wanted my own life to be over too. But then little miracles started to happen, which I know was because my beloved was looking after me, even after his physical death. I asked him constantly to guide me, and he did.

True love like this never dies once you have made that connection with another soul. Just as strong as your spirit burns brightly, so does his. Despite how terribly we miss our soul mates, they never really left us. They've just moved on to the next life a bit ahead of us - and they will always love and guide us if we ask them to.

M

Jim on December 09, 2017:

I'm not to internet savvy so I some how managed to cut my story short. Very sorry for that.

This is not a story...it's a heartbreak.

I have many friends, young and older who have been my rock.

But at the end of the day I lay in my bed that my Lorna used to share and loneliness smothers me.

The loss of your wife is very devestating but having good friends really helps through the bad times.

I just wish that there was some way I could get through the guilt that haunts me because I made the decision to stop her life support on the worst day of my life.

Jim on December 09, 2017:

I lost my wife, the love of my life, my soulmate, in April of this year. She had been ill for many years, but her passing was sudden.

We had many discussions/arguments about what she would want from me on her final day. A week from her passing I agreed to her wishes.

She suffered a massive cardiac arrest and I had to make the decision to take her off life support the next day.

That is a decision I wish on nobody. Even though it was her wish, i

Marjatta (author) on December 06, 2017:

Dear Saralim,

Yes, it certainly can feel as if we are moving backwards when we lose our soul mate to death.

And there is no time limit on grief ... don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise.

If you try to pretend that you are over your loss when you aren't, then you are literally living your life in the shadows - you become more of a shell on the outside, without really feeling any joy on the inside.

Take a step back. Allow yourself to truly grieve in your own way for as long as it takes. And remember that your soul mate wants you to continue sharing your love for as long as you remain on this planet. That is the lesson he taught you, and when you are ready, you will share his gift with others.

M

Amanda on November 28, 2017:

I thank you so much for this article. I feel as though my fiancé has led me to this page. He passed away recently on Nov. 9th 2017 at the age of 33 yrs old. We’ve been together going on 9 years but have known each other for about a decade. We have a 6 yr old daughter and I’m currently pregnant with our son due in Jan. I was and am completely still devastated with his loss. I feel like I’m empty on the inside. I have days where I don’t want to get out of bed, but I have to keep going for our daughter. I just miss him dearly and he was truly my best friend. I know it’s still a fresh wound but I feel like I would never be the same and in reality I won’t. I just miss him dearly. I have this new life coming into the world soon and I know his father will be there with me in spirit every step of the way. My spiritual has excepted the fact that he is gone but my physical is having a hard time excepting it. I just miss him I wish I could just turn back time but I don’t have any control over what has happened. I thank you for writing this article. This is help me out immensely in the short period of time that he’s been gone.

Saralim on November 22, 2017:

Thank you Marjatta,

Your article helps me to move forward after my husband of 21yrs,

Mario, passed with cancer on April 21, 2016. He was my everything.

This is our family's second Thanksgiving without him. Through his loss I have learned countless lessons. I realized that time doesn't heal. I find myself hurting more each and every day.

While everybody else is moving on, I feel as though I am going backwards. I feel that I am fighting for myself and nobody truly understands my loss. I feel that I expect too much support from those around me. People tell me that time heals all wounds and they already expect me to be over my loss.

It is impossible to express the pain I feel and as time goes by I feel like I am going backwards. I don't know how I am supposed to feel. I don't know who to talk to because everybody else has moved on, so this is why I am reaching out to you.

Many times I wanted to thank you but I've never found the words to post a comment. It feels like I am just complaining. Your article is the one thing I keep coming back to for comfort.

Thanks for your help,

Saralim

Marjatta (author) on November 18, 2017:

Dear Lorie DePaula,

I am so sorry for your loss and that your beloved soul mate had to suffer so much pain while on this planet.

You are not alone in feeling the way you do, even after several years of mourning the loss of your beloved ... and even after having found someone else to be with.

No, it will never be the same with someone else. Nor was it meant to be. Each relationship you have in your life is unique and special. And while the future plans you once had with your soul mate are no longer physically possible, your spiritual connection with her is eternal. Let her continue to be your strength. Let her guide you to be the best you can be while you continue to give of yourself wholly and completely to the life (and people in your life) that you have today.

And if every day is still a struggle to get through and you cry every days for hours, I urge you to talk about it with someone else (a professional grief counselor or trusted friend). I believe that no one should have to bear this burden of grief alone without understanding and accepting its purpose in one's life.

M

Marjatta (author) on November 11, 2017:

Dear Manu,

Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved fiancé.

Yes, I understand that feeling of simply "going through the motions" because others are depending on you. And you are correct; it's not a conscious choice to wallow in one's grief. Losing the life that you could have had with your beloved soul mate (and wanted with all of your heart) is one of the most gut-wrenching and devastating experiences an individual can have. It shakes us to our very core and can feel like the best part of ourselves has died as well.

At some point in our grieving, however, we do have to make a conscious choice. We can continue living our lives aimlessly without any sense of purpose or joy. Or we can quietly allow ourselves to truly listen to the inner voice of our beloved soul mate, who will continue to gently guide us toward fulfilling our own destiny on this planet.

I believe that your soul mate came into your life for a reason, and you will feel his presence in your life as spiritual guide forever. You will never stop missing him, but he never left ... he has been with you all along. Let his unconditional love for you be passed on to others. It won't be the same, but it will be incredibly healing ... if you let it.

Marjatta

Susan on October 31, 2017:

Thank you - I also had a Shaun...though his name was Louis - truly amazing person - and made me one....because he loved me...

bshires119 on October 26, 2017:

It's been just almost a month since the man who was my soul mate passed away. We had been in each other's lives for the past 30 years. Never married, but we had lived together for 7 years. We were not always in communication, and years would go by, but I always knew he was out there...somewhere.

Three days before he died, he emailed me. I was so excited. We talked the next day. He said he had the flu. I didn't know it at the time, but he was heavily drinking. Alcohol had plagued him. Long story. We had a very loving, caring conversation. He told me he wanted to spend his future with me and I knew I could finally no longer live without this man being in my life. And he felt the same.

I called him the next few days to see how he was feeling but never heard back. 5 days after our conversation, his brother called to tell me "he's dead." Those were his words to me. His brother said he had stayed sober until about 4 months ago.

He had died two days after we had spoken. The cause is still undetermined but alcohol surely played a strong role.

I couldn't bring myself to attend the funeral. No one really knew how strong our bond was. No one would understand the crushing grief I was experiencing. A funeral and then a lunch with everyone was just too much. It's very lonely now. Half of me is gone. In reading posts from people still experiencing grief years later, I think I'm in for a tough road. I'm still in shock, not really living life, but going through the motions. I know that many reading this have stories that are so painful. I am reading your stories too. I can now understand your pain.

He was my soul mate and we finally made plans to be together, and yet, tragically, it was not to be. Life will never be the same. Thank you for this site.

Nicolle on September 21, 2017:

I'm in sheer pain. I feel like I'm going day by day just faking everything until the day is over. I lost my husband 7 months ago. We were together for 4 years, two beautiful children together and we had been friends since high school. He was only 23. Yes believe me our life wasn't perfect especially being so young but I believe he was my soulmate. We ran into each other in the hospital one day he was severely sick. I kept having this pushing feeling that if I didn't say anything to him I was going to regret it for the rest of my life.. we were together ever be since then..I hate this. I wish more and more I could just be with him. I know I know my kids need me but I don't know how to push myself to keep going to be happy. I feel like a walking zombie. My soul died when my husband died..

Karin on September 12, 2017:

Hi Angie

I could have written your post myself! I also lost the love of my life on 30 June 2017. He was 53. Hee was my soulmate. He sounds just like your man was. The perfect gentleman, so charming, so clever, he loved to dance, we danced almost every night, loved to cook, he taught me so much about life. I feel like my soul is dying inside every day. I don't know how to carry on like this. I don't have anything to live for now. I don't have children. I know what you're going through Angie. My life feels like it had ended. The pain is unbearable. If you feel life talking to me please mail me. Sending you lots of love.

Angie on August 31, 2017:

I'm in so much pain, I lost the love of m life on July 6 2017, he was my everything, the rock of our family, the laughter, the logical, hardworking, he always did anything and everything to make me and our 4 children happy, never did anything for himself always to make everyone happy! I don't know how to live without him, I feel so lost, I'm the one with the health issues, and I always thought it would be me first, We always thought he was made out of steel, he was always so strong, he never complained about anything. Frank was 55 yrs young and died suddenly of sudden cardiac arrest. He was so handsome and he just loved cooking and dancing, so charming and a true gentleman, he was liked and loved by all! A perfect man! And if there is life thereafter, I will search for him in every lifetime! I don't know how to go on without him!

Lorie DePaula on August 26, 2017:

After searching the web for any place that could ease my pain I found this site. I am so sorry for everyone here that knows the pain and heartache of losing the love of your life. I too have lost mine.

We were childhood sweethearts. I was 16 and she was 18 when we met. We spent 27 wonderful years together. Until 3 years ago when she died.

She had a brain condition caused by epilepsy. Her frontal lobes of her brain were shrinking everytime she would have a seizure. Our only hope was for her to have surgery. Surgery to remove one of her frontal lobes. It was to stop her from having seizures. Our hopes and dreams were smashed when the surgeon said she could not have the surgery. She was having seizures on both sides of her brain and removing her frontal lobe would not do any good.

The doctor's sat us down and explained that she was going to get worse over time and that eventually it could kill her. We were devastated.

Unfortunately the doctor's were right, she did get worse. She was an actual genius. Just before her death she couldn't count two plus two. She couldn't remember what happened 5 minutes ago. It was horrible watching my love slowly get taken from me.

She died 3 years ago from a heart attack caused by a seizure. She was only 53 years old.

Even though it's been 3 tears ago it still seems like yesterday. I am with someone else but it's nothing like I had with my first love. She was and always will be my soulmate. When she died a part of me died too. Everyday is a struggle to get through. I still cry everyday for hours. I don't know how I'm goung to continue living without her. I'm so lost. She was my strength. Without her I am nothing.

Again I am so sorry for everyone's loss. I wish the best for everyone here. I am just so lost and hurt I'm not sure I can get passed this. I miss my true love and without her a piece of me is missing.

Thank you for listening and thank you for having a place where we can go. Where others understand the pain.

Thanks again

Manu on August 17, 2017:

I came upon this page by accident. My heart was heavy with longing and pain, and the unending questions brought by the death of my fiancé, 11 years ago. I've been through hell and back, and I still make the journey quite often. I wish I could say I've moved on, but I haven't. Yes, I work, I take care of "things", I take care of my daughter, but I still feel more like a shell. His love sustains me in a way, I talk to him all the time, and I can 'feel' him very often. I'm in a relationship with another man, a lovely person, really, who's done so much for me and my girl, but it's not the same. I have a lot of affection for him, I love him in a way, but it's got nothing to do with the love I had and still have for my late fiancé.

I'm not wallowing in my grief on purpose. I just don't see how it

could ever be better, as my one true love is gone. Like Krista below, I do believe the soulmate connection is one of a kind. I loved before him, I love now and I will continue to love, but it's definitely not on the same level. He was my everything, and still is. 11 years on. And that... that is something that is difficult to move on from. To accept that you will never be THAT happy again? A stab in the gut. Every time.

Marjatta (author) on July 20, 2017:

Dear Pam,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I don't believe that there is any time limit on grief. It's different for everybody. Nor do I believe that there is a "normal" when it comes to facing trauma in our lives. It's almost as if you were forced to experience the loss of him all over again when you heard that he had died ... a reopening of an old wound.

While professional advice for your unique situation is beyond the scope of this article, I encourage you to seek it out, if you need to.

Marjatta

Marjatta (author) on July 19, 2017:

A special thanks to Dale Turner for your email sharing how special your wife Connie was to you, and letting me know that you have written a book entitled "Connie" (available on Amazon) in her honor. I especially like the gazebo and beautiful garden on the cover. What a well-written and wonderful tribute you have made for your beloved ... and yes, writing about one's loss can definitely be therapeutic.

Pam from SC on July 16, 2017:

My HS/College Soulmate passed. I was young. The power of our spiritual "pure love" connection scared me. This was 1977-81. We were broken apart. I literally have amnesia as to what happened. Soon I found out a jealous sister was involved in whatever happened. I blocked out the pain so deeply. Decades later, she mention that he had passed away. I hadn't known at that time that I was walking around w/ a mental block 4 decades. I felt that she enjoyed giving me the news. That's what triggered grief beyond words. Now, decades have passed & I'm grieving what happened. Because it was my sister whom I thought wanted the best 4 me & because my soul/mind is acting like I have to NOW grieve what I had blocked for decades. I still don't know how she manipulated this situation? The bond we had made us as one person. We would get lost in each others eyes..literally. We could kiss for HOURS. We would fall n2 a trance. It happened in a disco once. We went n2 one of our soul love "trances(?). We didnt realize the entire place was being closed & we were the only ones left. We had to be "awoken" from trance..LOL! I don't want to deal with whatever happened? Is this normal? Thank You

joanne on July 07, 2017:

Awesome

Marjatta (author) on July 02, 2017:

Dear Pennie, Rain, and Tobe,

Thanks to each of you for sharing your heartfelt experiences with the loss of your beloved soul mate.

Our soul mates will always be our most valuable teachers ... and we can either succumb to despair and give up on our own lives without them, or we can try to listen very hard to what they are teaching us and eventually let that beautiful, unconditional love be passed on to others. It will always be our own choice.

Tobe on June 28, 2017:

I met my soul mate . I never knew soul mates existed until we met.

Our encounter was at a million to one chance. Our bond was electric almost a higher dimension. We loved deeply.

One day she was involved in an accident & she passed.

I was thrown into the pits of despair, depression, drinking. Oh the sorrow.

A few years later I met another lady & we are married & happy.

Life goes on , I'd never of thought it in those dark times !

So for anyone experiencing sorrow as I have.... please hold on

Peace is just around the corner x

Snuggz on June 27, 2017:

My soul mate my life just passed away..i dont think i can go on..i lost my dad & now Derek. .im a mess

Rain on June 08, 2017:

Thank you for writing it out in such heart-warming and beautiful post. I like the perspective you have gained, and the reminder that we have a day-to-day life purpose. Like others I'm looking forward to read your writings.

Pennie on June 04, 2017:

I lost my husband and soul mate just a month ago. I feel so sad at the loss of his physical presence. He was a bit of a legend himself so I am surrounded by support and love fron those who also love him.

Marjatta (author) on June 01, 2017:

Erin, I know that there are no words to truly describe the absolute agony you must be in after the loss of your dear fiancé.

Talk to him quietly in your heart, and you will discover that he is right beside you, lovingly raising your son. Your son will grow up with a loving father ... a dad he'll be proud of ... because he will forever see his father through your eyes.

I commend you for waking up each day, even if you want to pull the covers over your head, and going through the motions for the sake of your child.

God bless. You are not alone. I encourage you to check out every single support group you can find, whether online or in person - whatever you feel comfortable with.

Erin on May 22, 2017:

Thank you so much for your post. I just lost my fiancé of 3 years , my souls mate and father of my 8 month old son to a motorcycle accident on the way home from work May 3rd. I feel most days I don't want to live and can't wait to see him again. I don't want to love anyone else. He was my forever. You made me realize that it's ok that I feel this way right now. Most days I am lost and all I can't do is think about how I will never see him, get a call, a text, a hug, kiss, or one more memory every again. More than that I now have an innocent so that is growing up without an amazing father that he will never get a chance to meet.

Marjatta (author) on May 15, 2017:

Today, someone messaged me privately to ask for advice about their loved one's suicide, which I am not qualified to do.

There are many support groups for those who have lost their loved ones to suicide. And this is also a very special situation where expert professional advice is needed for the survivors of such a devastating tragedy.

Shane Joyce on April 15, 2017:

Have no one! An hate GOD , the devil at the same time! Then the loss, of what witch way should I go to see,,,, my soul mate, my only family!

Valerie on April 14, 2017:

I so needed to read that today!

robert on April 11, 2017:

appleworks1430@gmail.com. My name is Robert, my wife and soul mates name is Corina. She left this life 14 months ago and each day and hour are unbearable. All I do is cry During wash day at Laundromat a small child's sock with an angel wing wound up in my cart as I was folding....I placed it on my shift lever and started to drive to the movies but the car wouldn't start I took the sock off and cried the car started and I drove home...I put it back on the shifter and again it wouldn't start I took it off and put it in the glove box and the car started.