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Why Can't I Forget My First Love?

I've been an online writer for over eight years. I love writing about relationships, love, romance, and flirting.

Your first love will always have a special place in your heart.

Your first love will always have a special place in your heart.

Why is it so hard to forget your first love? Your first love is special because it is the most innocent and pure form of love. No matter how hard you try, you will never stop missing your first love.

Boyfriends and girlfriends in a loving relationship for the first time will forever remember the hugs, cuddles, sweet whispers, long drives, late night conversations, and romantic strolls they had together. Find out why the beautiful memories of this once-in-a-lifetime experience will linger in your heart and mind for the rest of your life.

1. It's who you experienced intimacy with for the first time.

Ask anyone about the memories of their first kiss, first hug, first cuddle, and the first time they had sex. Their faces will light up with a priceless glow. This happens because experiencing intimacy for the first time gets etched in the memory forever.

Physical intimacy is usually experienced with first crushes and first loves. This is the time when a simple act of holding hands makes you sweat, and a romantic hug gives you goosebumps all over your body.

2. It is the most innocent love.

One of the core reasons why your first love is so hard to forget is because it is pure and innocent. People don't fall in love for the first time with expectations or malicious intentions. It is a pure attraction, led by the heart and not the mind.

The beginnings of your first love are free of malice and manipulative behavior. The whole world seems beautiful, and life becomes perfect. It is like wearing rose-tinted glasses 24/7, even in your dreams.

This blissful feeling of first love can never be replicated—once innocence is lost on a personal level, it can never be translated in its purest form into another relationship. This is what makes it so special.

Your first love is probably when you first exposed all your insecurities—and it felt good.

Your first love is probably when you first exposed all your insecurities—and it felt good.

3. It exposes your insecurities.

Your first love and first relationship will expose many of the insecurities you never knew about. For example, your first relationship will be the first time you actually realize what it is like to be a jealous girlfriend.

From jealousy to possessiveness to extreme dependence, your first love is when guys and girls realize how matters of the heart can bring even the strongest down to their knees. The memory of being exposed to your own insecurities for the first time will never go away.

4. It's when you thought that love is forever, and you attached all your hopes and dreams to it.

Guys and girls fall into love for the first time without any assumptions because they have never experienced love before. The puppy love effect makes them believe that this love will last forever.

This sense of lasting love makes you attach all your hopes and dreams to your first relationship. It is like wearing a pair of blinders and focusing all your life's attention and goals to just one thing—your love.

This extreme sense of attachment is hard to break away from. Even after a bitter breakup, you will find it impossible to see yourself living your life without your former significant other.

Puppy love makes you feel like your love will last forever.

Puppy love makes you feel like your love will last forever.

5. It's the only time you believe in perfect love.

Your first relationship is when you believe that your love is perfect. Your love knows only one language, that which is spoken by your heart. There are no hang-ups, no complications, and no expectations.

This sense of perfectness creates memories that are hard to forget. No matter how old you get, no matter how mature you become, you will always crave this sort of perfection in your relationships.

Once you move on from your first love, it will be disheartening to realize that you will never be able to recreate this type of love again.

6. It is emotionally intense and euphoric.

The sheer excitement of feeling love for the first time will engrave all the sweet memories in your mind forever. On the flip side, your first love is also extremely emotionally intense. The downer after every little fight and argument is exhausting.

This extreme range of emotional highs and lows make your first love a once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that will never be repeated. This is what makes your first love so powerful and intense.

It felt good to be in a relationship without other responsibilities.

It felt good to be in a relationship without other responsibilities.

7. It is like any other "first."

Your first love is when you let go and take a dive into the unknown. It is like the memories of all other "firsts" in your life, except that this one is much stronger.

Think of how you will never forget the day when you drove a car for the first time and then multiply that euphoria by a thousand times. Even that may be nowhere near the kind of impact your first love will leave on your mind, making it extremely hard to forget.

8. Your first love is carefree—there are no other responsibilities.

Your first love usually occurs at a young age. You have no spiraling credit card debts, mortgage payments, job insecurities, career problems, family issues, social pressure, or anything else that can make you feel like your life is just waiting to burst apart.

This carefree time was probably when you were a budding teenager, fresh into a relationship with your crush. You had no other responsibilities except to do well in class, which gave you all the time in the world to immerse yourself in your love. Basically, your first love was your full-time job.

As you grow older, your life is burdened with many new responsibilities, year after year. You may never get to experience the absolute and carefree experience of falling in love and enjoying each and every moment of it without having other responsibilities lingering over your head.

This is why the memories of your first love will remain on your mind for the rest of your life—you'll never have such a carefree state of mind again.

9. Your first heartbreak feels earth-shattering.

Just like how the euphoria of falling in love is extreme, so is the subsequent heartbreak. This is the first time you will experience what it feels to have your heart broken. This heart-shattering first breakup is amplified into an emotionally terrorizing fireball, including:

  • The agonizing feeling of having your trust broken for the first time
  • The painful sense of regret
  • The haunting feeling of having bared your insecurities to someone for the first time in life
  • The false hope that everything will be okay

10. The memory of your first love is tinged with painful regret.

If love was a poker game, your first love could be described as going all in. Peaking your levels of happiness will weaken your sense of judgment and make it hard to draw boundaries. This makes you do stupid things, including committing too early, putting your hopes into one person, getting intimate even if you are not sure, and more.

All these things snowball into a burden of regret after your first love falls apart. Why did I have sex with such a loser? Why did I trust her with all my heart? Why didn't I see that she was cheating on me? These are just some of the elements of the heart-wrenching regret that ensues after the breakup.

© 2013 princesswithapen

Comments

Delaney on August 31, 2020:

The hardest thing about losing my first love was that we were still in love, with no choice of whether we were going to stay together or not, we had no choice. We never believed in love so it was so pure and real and scary, the most vulnerable I'd been and also the first person to ever truly love and accept me for myself, I'm broken and it's been no more than a few months of being apart, this distance broke us apart. All I think about is him, all I remember is us and I left the parts of me that felt most alive in him, I loved him more than I knew capable so what I find hard is what do you do after? When do my memories get easier, I have such a photographic memory that won't allow me to move on, 2 years of love and it wasn't enough, I feel so lost without him and I used to be so independent, I never knew the most pure feeling in the world could be the worst pain I'd have to endure and that's questionable after what I've been through...... So much to say....

Natalia on August 05, 2020:

It's been 7 years since you left me for other girl. I thought that I moved on, I have a boyfriend that is madly in love with me. But no, you still appear in my dreams, out of blue. We still text sometime, we met 2 years ago, then I had hopes for getting back together, but you had a girlfriend. I don't know if you still care for me, i don't think so. And that realisation is the most painful one, cause I can't stop thinking about you.

You broke up with that girl, what a waste! You left me for nothing! I know I was an insecure, little girl back then, now I know myself better. I wish that you could fall in love with me again, that we could re-do all the things, have our memories but also have our future. I am deeply trapped in past. Why you can move on, but I can't? You were a perfect match, we were the thing together. I wish that you could see that.

looking on July 26, 2020:

i look for you every night before i go to sleep, i think of you randomly and i wonder if you are getting over your current ex. i wonder if i cross your mind and i wonder if you ask yourself why i haven't reached out to you in 2 months which feels like an eternity. i try to convince myself that we were never meant to be but i can't erase you from my soul. i am with you always. i will be within you. even in my last breath i will say your name in my mind and will wish to have heard your voice one more time. i wish i could just talk to you even if it were for five minutes. i have never felt the same again after you and i don't think i ever will again. i'm waiting for you to message me or email me. i hope it comes true.

Ash on July 26, 2020:

Jo (previous commenter) I know of several couples who dated in high school and reconnected after years. When it works out it's golden.

L, I still wonder about you almost a decade and several relationships later. The last time I saw you tears were streaming down your face and through my anger I didn't even try to comfort you. I regret being angry with you that day and I wish I could have told you one last time that I really loved you, because I did. I doubt you still think of me after all these years but you never know what the future holds. Maybe we'll meet again, even if it's in the nursing home...

Jo on July 24, 2020:

Has anyone reconnected with their first love and are now together as you knew they were yoir one true love?

First love getting married on July 23, 2020:

My first love was a crazy one. I met her when I was 15 years old in high school. I fell in love with her instantly, but she was a mormon and that caused a lot of conflicts in our relationship. I mean she had fallen in love with her closest girl best friend. We risked it all, loved each other and decided to be in a relationship anyways. We were together for around 2 years before officially breaking it off. She was going to serve a mission and wanted to marry a mormon man. She and I have a no contact thing so I am cut from her life forever. I haven't spoken to her in 3 years and recently just found out she's engaged. I can't even begin to explain how sad I felt. I mean I was over my first love. I told myself that but after seeing her actually getting engaged. I just broke. I dated around afterwards. Even found a girl who was like her but was more compatible with me in every single way however; my first love lives forever in me. I thought she was the one, a part of me still does. Maybe I fantasize too much and I'm chasing something that will never come back to me. I keep telling myself that she was made for me in another life. Anyways, I'm in the process of moving on all over again and it isn't easy. I guess the first love defines you in so many ways. You just never can forget them.

The one that got away on July 12, 2020:

He was my first love and I think of him very often the older I get. I was in college and he was going off to continue a career in the military. I deeply regret letting him go too soon before at least trying out a long distance romance. Our one year of dating was so special and will be forever embedded in my mind.

Flowing river on June 21, 2020:

I’ve lost the idea that my first love was truly everything I’ve thought it was. Being older and having different needs and goals have made me wonder if I idealized things with him. I’m saddened but it’s an honest reflection. Don’t live a life of past regret but find love in choosing passionate and present life choices that empower you today❣️

S on May 16, 2020:

Wel....IDK where to start ....But...It was something like that.

It's been literally two years since we've broke up .

We only have been for half year together and we haven't talked since , I still got feelings , like time hasnt even moved from then.I guess it's true that sometimes you can find a diamond in your life , once life opportunity , i feel like i lost mine , i Will always love you ....Even if i can't tell you that anymore...

The worst thing is i only wish her happiness , even if i realize that it's going to be somebody else doing what i want...

I failed and i gotta live with it ...

First love must be the worst , you do not get over it , you just learn to live with it..

R on May 12, 2020:

K- it’s been almost 10 years since we pursued this. The three years before that were a dream that it would come. 6 years ago we parted. I don’t know how to feel. You left me, betrayed me. We’re impossible for 2 years after. I thought I’d never get over you. Then I did. Moved on, had different relationships and every single time I found myself dreaming of you. Craving you near me. A sorrow so deep I cannot explain. I reached out to you and you never listened, never responded. I know you have been single since me. I know I was your only. It would kill me to see you with someone else happy. I am. But am I happy? I think I am ands then I find myself longing for you. I know you hate me now so I have nothing left in my to give. What do I do now? I feel like you are my person, my soulmate, my first love. Nothing seems right with you not here. I can void you out of my memory for only so long before you come back and take over my body. My emotions, my physics being. You are my half. You left me and now this. Will we ever be again? Can we allow that to exist? What do I do? How will I live the rest of my life feeling like I missed out on another chance with my person. I don’t think there will ever be a 3rd chance because of my situation now. Did I waste this love in this life?

Skylight on April 28, 2020:

Just a shout out to all the people who leave comments here. Your love stories inspire me to still believe that love IS eternal regardless of the current circumstances. Only ONE time in your life, do you give your heart ❤️ purely to one person. Whether it works out or not, I promise you that you will never forget this. You can lie to yourself and convince yourself otherwise but your heart and soul KNOW what TRUE LOVE is. “My heart will always go on”

SC on April 23, 2020:

TR,

It was the best and purest love, just like the article said. It was a love that just erupted on its own, just the forces of nature at work. I was young and immature but it was mostly because I was being protective. After 23 years of no contact I emailed you, and you responded within a day, wow. I was surprised to find that you never married, and that you never found anyone worth it. I married because I guess I felt I had no choice, I had to move on when you broke up with me, I waited 3 years to finally get into a position to move on and when the opportunity came up I took it I guess, and life just flew by. I never contacted you after I married because I knew it was wrong, and I also think I knew I still had you in my heart, just buried deep down, but never gone, it would have felt like cheating, and that is not something I would ever do as I am not built like that. Now that my situation has changed I don't want to let this opportunity pass. Talking to you over the last 6 months I have realized how much I really do still love you, at first I was thinking am I weird? but after careful thought and consideration i realized I am perfectly normal, perfectly. As we communicate I feel you get closer and then pull away, I can feel the movement of your heart, cautiously waving back and forth. I just want to not miss this 2nd time around and I want to hold you tight in my arms, even if its just for friendship and travel the world with you, I want to enjoy you for the time we have left. We both said we let each other get away, so lets make sure it doesn't happen again, even in friendship I will be happy, being happy to have the only girl I ever fully loved back in my life until the end of time.

Marie McLaughlin on April 17, 2020:

My first love reached out to me a few weeks ago, after 31 years of not seeing each other. We are both married and have families. He brought back feelings I had never had since I was with him. And we were communicating back and forth and I still love him so much. We live thousands of miles apart from each other and we have our families and he called off everything stating he's married and never should have reached out to me. Now my heart is shattered worse than it was before. If your first love ever reaches out to you, shut it down immediately to save yourself from further heartache. Even though I love my family I just want him back in my life but it can't happen and it hurts so bad.

Jasmin on April 05, 2020:

It's been five years for me- he married someone else almost immediately but I can't seem to forget him. I don't know if it's because I'm still in love or if it's because my life now is dull and unfulfilling.

S.S on March 29, 2020:

20 years on and still my heart races out of control when I think about him. Fell in love at 20, madly...passionately and the desire for one another was unbeatable even by distance. We travelled miles to see each other, over the years but his study options and life threw us way apart. Distance became us!!! Over the years we always kept in touch...declaring our love and so on until one day i was confronted with a photo of him and a woman... crowned his mrs!!! Totally blindsided!!! It was a blistering shock... i kept quiet, photos rained on his page..them happy and i cried in silence!!! I always wonder why not me? He loves me forevermore and still says so. I wasnt good enough for the family perhaps. Whatever it was, to this day we are still in touch, separated by distance but our love for each hasnt changed. I have been in relationships but i always compare them to him and no one stands a chance! I want him, the love of my life. He is who im IN love with and life or his life choices havent changed that. That is love sadly. We cant control the path, nor can we control feelings. It is what it is. Love isnt malicious, its pure and divine.

Shawna on March 18, 2020:

Ryan, we were just a couple of kids, but we really did love each other. I was 15 and you were 16, we were together for 18 months until June 1996. I was young and dumb, I played games and lost you. We are both married now, and we haven’t seen each other in about 20 years but you will always be the only one I’ve loved. I’ll never not think of you as the one who got away, and my one chance at true happiness.

Jake was here on March 15, 2020:

More than 30 years ago, not exactly my first lover in a numerical sense but likely my first real love in an all-encompassing way, as indicated by her unrelenting presence in that part of my memories I cannot readily control.

My first sight was that of a young free-spirited girl who lived across the back lane doing cartwheels (circular sideways handsprings) in her backyard. Nothing in me nor in this universe gave me the slightest indication that this was the girl who would, in time, etch herself into my being so indelibly that I could not possibly ever be the same.

At an age when a young man's main focus was physical attractions, she garnered all of that and then some. Add to that, she elicited much more from me, things I didn't now I was even capable of. A euphoric love ensued that enveloped me completely but regrettably, I mostly took for granted. I was young and didn't know better.

Now, I read old adages like "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone", or "The first cut is the deepest" and they bring a new meaning.

We have both moved on and this is not about a desire to rekindle an old flame but rather a search for a way to lessen the pain of a distant mirage that continues to beckon on the horizon.

I will continue on my journey as one who has learned that some memories are not so much optional as eternal. I can only hope that the powers in the universe that saw fit to let these experiences accompany me, will also explain them to me, in due time.

Wasting Time on February 13, 2020:

We broke up 22 years ago today. What a waste... I turned out to be so great. And you did too. Still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Wishing you the best, J.

Kristeno on January 28, 2020:

T- It’s been 12 years now since I received your last letter in the mail. I even pulled all those letters out tonight… something I’ve only done a handful of times since. Two parts made me cry….

The first… “And no matter where I go, just know I’ll wake up some mornings, and just smile, because you’re amazing, and I got to love you.”

I hope that’s still true, but I’m sure it is not.

The second… “I really need some rest, but I’ll write again in the morning… I love you, always.”

You never wrote me again… and you didn’t love me always. The gravity of those realizations crushed me tonight. I’ve spent nearly two hours searching for any trace of you online… probably stark mad of me ... it probably makes me the clingy stalker I made up my mind not to be years ago.

But our closure was never closure, was it? There was always one more short exchange after the last meaningful one… over and over… all these ellipses I’m using feel oddly appropriate. The ending of us was nothing but an ellipsis to me. The dot, dot, dot that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Jenna on January 02, 2020:

A new year. A new decade without you.

Gatita on December 18, 2019:

Barry, it’s such a blessing to see that she was in such good shape and lived a long life full of zest and passion. Good health in my opinion is one of the best things you can ever have and I’m impressed by your love of dancing! However having found true love as you did is not something everyone gets to experience this lifetime. With such bliss also come great suffering but as the quote says: Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all by

Alfred Lord Tennyson. Thank you for sharing the letter you wrote to your friend. Very deep and difficult at the same time but you wear a badge representing love and honor for Barbara..who may some say be known more from your future published novel. Find the strength to share your story with the world. May younger generations have an opportunity to zoom into another time and circumstance and what an interesting and vivid life you have lived as well. Your own life story is also full and vibrant. Please consider what I have asked of you.

Barry D N on December 16, 2019:

Gatita

I saw an interview with the most famous of "Whiteys Lindy Hoppers" almost 20 years ago, around the time I graduated from rock and blues, after over thirty years of it,..almost every night........to Jazz. At the time she was a little over 80.........and looked fabulous! She is actually in that "clip" you viewed made in the mid to late 30's. I heard she died very very recently at almost 100.....fabulous eh? She was the last to go out of a troop of about 120 hoppers at the time. Isn't that neat?

Anyway.......Here's a reply to my oldest "best" friend still left on earth...... earlier to-day. I met him about a year or so after the time that I ever saw Barbara, in the flesh, again...(at least I had a phone call with her once in the early 80's, almost 15 years after we "split"). Of course when I found out she was gone last week..... my friend "David" was the first person I contacted. He's really smart. More than me....at least emotionally, LOL. He lives a fair distance away and we rarely get together and actually don't speak often other than e-mail. ......the point is....He knew absolutely nothing about my Barbara thing, whatsoever, until about 5 days ago. Obviously I guess I had never mentioned her......ever!....He certainly would have remembered. He like me has memory like elephant. He was astounded that he knew nothing about her. I guess I must have blocked her out a bit for my own sanity way way back. But when he heard my story a few days ago......he friggin' got it....instantly. He's been in Mexico for months now. He expressed concern to me this morning via e-mail. .....this it:

I'm just barely starting to recover my self; I think, I hope...... It's just that Barbaras' death "signifies" something deep, deep inside me way way beyond the simple fact of her demise that I can't quite fathom. It's like a huge piece of my essence has been irrevocably destroyed and thrown under a bus on a grey gloomy rainy winters' day and swept down a sewer drain at the side of the road. David, I've never been so so sad in my entire life. It's way way worse than the utter shock and despair I felt all those 51 years ago when we "split" and I left her parents' home at around midnight, right away, in Fresno to start hitch hiking back to LA.

I remember everything. Even the first guy that picked me up, what he talked about and even the make and colour of his car. .............It's like the shock and sadness I felt then has now been magnified a thousand times and more. Not only that............It's more real to me NOW than is was THEN!

Perhaps there is no such thing as time at all.

The old saying "time heals" is a crock of horseshit. (no offence to our equine friends). It's hollow and false.

Just like Leonard Cohen sang....."There ain't no cure for love"

Maybe it (time) just makes one sicker and sicker when all goes sideways in awful and cruel fated circumstance.

Gatita on December 16, 2019:

Wow Barry! I watched the video and I have never seen anything like that! They are off the charts!! Your passion for dancing is really special and it’s inspiring to hear you describe your thoughts via your written words on here. I encourage you to write that novel because let me tell you something...I am still struck by your first post and your story with Barbara. I understand that everything is raw and too soon but I think this story has so much to give to the world that transcends time.. just like the great Bob Dylan and what he represents to us all now and beyond. You have so much to offer the world, and it is clear that your personality is charming and stands out like you do on the dance floor. I am honored to cross paths with you, even as crazy as that may sound but you have a story to share with us all and do not let anything stop you from doing it.

Barry D N on December 15, 2019:

Gatita, thanks again for your input. .....Actually I already have written a couple of poems for Barbara already. The first was the day after it was confirmed to me she was really gone. At that time I had been fairly sure it was true for about 72 hours or so. I'd like to write a novel surrounding this situation but may have a discipline deficit to stick to it. These endeavours can take months and years even. I also can have doubts about my prosaic ability. ......We shall see. The situation right now is still too raw and a little paralyzing in many ways. ......I am suddenly hearing in my mind a single line from MR. Bobby that goes....."a book nobody could write"....it comes from a song on his album Street Legal from the 70's. This album BTW was his cathartic effort to deal with his divorce a year or two earlier. .....You know I predicted over 50 years ago that Bob would win the Nobel Prize for lit. (the one and only Nobel that recognizes any of the arts....all the rest are for sciences/medicine/economics..things like that. Did you know that there is no Nobel even for mathematics? The reason why was that his wife had an affair with a mathematician at some time) People would laugh at me at such a prediction. Well.....I had the last laugh a couple of years ago, didn't I? I have also predicted something I will not be around long enough to prove. That being that he, even centuries from now, will be in the pantheon of the 10 or so names "everybody" has at least heard of if nothing else. Names like Shakespeare, Da Vinci, Motzart......you get my drift. .......there's not many that for some reason rise far far far above multitudes of hundreds and even thousands of absolute high brilliance in their artistic bodies of work that are almost eternally remembered. Mr. Bob is the greatest living artist on the face of the earth. Be glad you have been alive in his time to see it and perhaps have had the chance to see the man himself in person in concert. Whether his performance is great or not so great. I've seen him bomb. I've seen him in the highest form possible. It don't matter. Everybody knows he's untouchable no matter what. People that don't get him/it/whatever.....are, frankly, stupid. I'm sorry..................for them. These peoples visions are quite limited. Many of these people are totally brainwashed and haven't a clue what's really going here on earth and how it's affecting them and generally and it's getting worse. ...........right now I want to touch on dancing and my abilities practicing that art. I, myself love to dance more than anything on earth. I've been like that for over 50 years. I have easily spent more than half of my entire lifes' income in pursuit of that. I have had fabulous fabulous partners. Women on average are better...even far better than the average man. I've danced with ladies that can blow me offa' the floor. I learn. And when I ever have danced with ladies that could in no way keep up with me.....I cool my jets and try to compliment her as much as I can. You see, deep down I know I'm really not all that great. Often people that give me accolades have actually sort of subconsciously picked up my extreme spirit and love of the dance more than my technical abilities. ......Look...I want you to google..."Whitey's Lindy Hoppers..Hellzapoppin" ......you are not going to believe it. As far as I'm concerned this group (from the 30's and 40's) are the best ever. You must watch! On a scale from 1 to 10.....they #10+.........me......I dunno'......6....maybe 7...absolute top. I'm not stupid. (BTW....I bang offa' walls and will use the entire floor with my partner at the other end sometimes......right on friggin' time.......every single step and move.....it's a riot.....I never miss a beat whether I wanna' do a beat behind or ahead of the music I make it work and I make it obvious. Of course I'll only be able to play with the beat if that particular song and or music lends itself to dancing that way. It's all an expression of the tune and even the words with the entire body, not just legs...... arms, hands,position, even look on face if appropriate and you strive to do that in an instant...... ....Sometimes of course I have lost the beat....not often, but of course it....sometimes somebody accidentally bumps you or you someone else. Amazingly this is rare. And sometimes, also rare, you yourself loses beat. ......If I can't get the beat back...I walk off the floor. ......................Sadly there are not hardly any floors much anymore.......I would know...it's like this across North America and some other countries too except for some small pockets here and there. Godamned Authoritarian Gestapo world now everywhere you fucking turn. You see....Dancehalls/Bars with floors and such....they are the first to get hit....it's so easy. Now I hardly have anyplace to go....once in a while....few and far between now....That's a killer for me too, let alone Barbara. ......I want to say that I'm very appreciative of you. This reply obviously took me a quite long time (I can't touch type) but explaining to you these matters of Mr. Bob and my love of dance and such got my mind off of my sadness for a bit. I must say I am starting to recover a tiny bit....a tiny bit more every day......gotta' be strong...else you die. I guess I'm better alive for Barbara than I am dead. Wish I could go dancing tonight.....but there's nowhere to go. And I'm rarely inspired to dance alone, at home.................no counter point.........stupid! No point. Get it? I never practiced in my entire life! .....Only "live" at a night clubs, whatever. Never ever taken a lesson either....I'm incapable of anybody trying to show me how I'm supposed to move!........ Give me a fucking break LOL! BTW...I don't even know how to two-step...hahhahhahahhahhahhaha......take care and thanks again.....watch the Lindy Hoppers...Hellzapoppin!

Gatita on December 15, 2019:

Barry, that Bob Dylan song is something else. It’s wonderful that you are in great shape and I do believe you when you say that you can blow 20 year olds away with your dancing skills! You have the gift of writing poetry...that is special and when the time is right, you will honor her with something inspired by your eternal love that you share with her. Do you live near an ocean? How romantic would it be if you can write her a letter and put it in a glass bottle and release it in the sea? Please go listen to the song “Ebb Tide” and tell me what you think of it.

Barry D N on December 14, 2019:

Thank you Gatita. The reason I never got to see her again was because of cruel "simple twists of fate" (ever heard Dylans' song about that?). .......Look...I'm deep deep into almost everything....general history, art history, music history, high literature, world events....you name it.....I write poetry and such and I still dance. I am inimitable on the dance floor and can blow even 20 sumpthins' off the damn thing. I graduated myself to jazz dancing from blues and rock about 20 years ago. It's very difficult to dance to .....I love the challenge and I shine. I am confident I could make a "splash" at the best jazz clubs on the planet. And my stamina was, and still is, close to olympian.......can you imagine? .....Regardless....I don't know what's to become of me. Especially now....my grief and sadness over finding out Barbara isn't even anywhere on the planet anymore is, is.........I have no words. Thank God for whiskey and wine and thank you Gatita for your concerns. Christmas is cancelled this year. Take care.

Gatita on December 13, 2019:

Barry, your story has struck me hard. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but just know that I really listened and took in what you wrote. I’m struggling with my own feelings and life choices and it’s hard. Please keep writing here. I and many more here would like to know the reason why you weren’t able to see each other again. Also you mentioned that you are an artistic and sensitive man. Is it with art or music? If so, can you honor her with creating something?

Lesliewins on December 12, 2019:

London32

I dont know what you have issues with. But I can just tell you what I delt with. I married my husband in 1981 when a lot of men were not nice to women and it was considered normal to get your man a sandwich. I was so young and insecure. My husband and I were both only 19 years old. I just wanted to be happy and I had children with him. But he was disrespectful and controlled with anger. Every time he would hurt me I would think my first boyfriend would come and rescue me. All my life in my heart I thought my first boyfriend was the only person I could ask for help. I never did ask for help, because in reality I really loved my husband and I wanted our marriage to work. So I kept on trying to work on what I really wanted. But my first boyfriend was my rescue even if it was not real.

So maybe your girlfriend isn't treating you with respect and your heart is looking for help.

I made my husband treat me with respect. But we really had to work at it. I know it was Jesus that got us through all are struggles. Jesus makes a way when there seems to be no way. We all need Gods grace in this life. Look at your reality. Are you treating her with disrespect or is she treating you with disrespect. Find a way to change it if that is it.

And Barry D N

I know how you feel. I found out my first love died 2 years ago and I still burst into tears when I think about him, even though I only knew him for 1 year of my life when I was 17. I found out from his sister he came to a church gathering I was at 20 years ago and I didn't recognize him. I wish I had known it was him and we could have been friends. There is a thing called soul ties. Real Love is from God and when we go to heaven we will see the whole picture. Maybe that's what all this is.

Barry D N on December 12, 2019:

This comment may be very unique. Maybe one in a million....or much more. It's more of a plea for help or understanding to get through what has just happened to me than a comment....Here Goes.....I'm 72. (a very very young one....just believe me) I was 20 in the fall 1967. I met and instantly fell in love with a lady in Calif. She was about 17 and a half yrs. old.... It was love (not lust!....just love) at first sight on both our parts. She was still virginal....and stayed that way with me for longer than usual. Her parents liked me very much but said we could not marry until she turned 18. We were fine with that. But we "sinned" about 3 or 4 months later. We were so in love. When we were close we both experienced something I had never before or since..I have a strong suspicion she never did either......we didn't understand it.....we discussed it even. We were at a loss to what it was. It wasn't a sex thing thing. It was something infinitely deeper. I dunno'....never will. Through cruel fate on a Shakesperian level I can't explain here (not enough room) we never saw each other again after spring '68. I was devastated...I ran away with a bunch of " hippies" I knew to the Bahamas to get away. (I was from Canada btw...where I am now) Anyway I never got her out of my head. I thought of her from time to time. Even through many relationships throughout my life. They all failed. I could keep loose innocent tabs on her through her younger brother up until the mid-80's. I even talked to her on the phone a couple of times .....the last time I talked to her...she said she wanted to see me even though she had a boyfriend......cruel fate again intervened. I would not have been able to handle it anyway in that situation. I didn't get a computer until, maybe, 10 years ago. Of course I tried to locate her once every couple or 3 years, but to no avail......until 6 days ago. She came to mind again. I somehow "tracked" her brother down. ...........She died 2 years ago.....cancer....and it wasn't pretty. He told me everything. I've been crying like a baby for 6 days almost 24/7. He has her ashes and I'm pretty sure he's sending me a few. He knows I shoulda' been his bro-in law. Me....I'm afraid of dying of a broken heart.....I'm a very deep and sensitive artist and a man of high intellect, honesty and integrity.........I can't stop crying. I don't think anyone can say or do anything for me....proly least of all a "pro"...I'm a rebel. A good one. With a 52 year full Fc'in delayed broken heart. I wish this was a dream.....it's not. The only thing I learned is that the ONLY person on earth, EVER, including my late parents and one sibling and the 4 or 5 fairly solid monogamous relationships I've had in the past, that I really and deep as deep can get, LOVED, was Barbara. It took her death to reveal this to me. What a terrible terrible 52 year lesson session I just graduated from. I can never love like that again. Impossible..... Obviously. ........".don't get around much anymore"......what's the point anyway? I'm a realist. If I could build a Taj Mahal for her I would........still wouldn't bring her back. There's only one way for me to get to her........really slim chance though I figure. ........and wherever she is right now I don't think I'm too far behind. If she is around however I can't wait and I hope it's HER draggin' me there. And not just me alone..... in my life changing intolerable grief. ...Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you

London32 on December 10, 2019:

Despite my attempt at 'Closure' Im still having dreams about my first Love. im in a happy relationship and have been for the past 5 years. seriously thinking to seek some professional help, but in all honesty the dreams are great - like some sort of release of emotions I'm unable to fulfil in 'the real world'

Nicky on December 09, 2019:

I'll never stop loving my first love from uni. Though it ended 12 years ago and we're both married to other people now, she is the love of my life. I got in touch with her recently for the first time in many years, because even though we can only ever be friends, I really want her in my life in some small way. That first love is so powerful, so all-encompassing, the memories are so happy and so sad at the same time, but I know my love for her will never really leave me, and I envy the people who married their first loves. I really love my wife btw, it's just a different love in a different time. Peace and love to the people struggling with the same thing on here.

Gatita on December 02, 2019:

The feeling of regret and what could of been is one of the most painful emotions in your life. I can’t forget him.. he is with me in my thoughts and heart every day that passes by. How can I just be grateful for giving me his heart 20 years ago and not suffer with the loss? Any thoughts??

TCNN on November 26, 2019:

Trey, (RTG) i hate that i miss you so much at random times , i hate that i had to make myself hate you so bad in order to forget you , on Aug 15 2016 was the day my whole world went downhill and every since then i couldn't allow myself to Love another guy like i loved you , still to this day i remember your favorite color (green) i remember your birthday (March 2,1999) i remember your moms name, hell i remember everything about you .. even though we were young i knew the way you loved me was REAL, you didn't play about me . We talked about spending our life together and we knew we were going to do just that . I Let my Depression get so bad my Freshman yr of highschool & i knew either i was going to have to tell you or about it or just let you go, So to not string you along i decided to let you live your life that's why 7-9th grade i barely came to school cause i was dealing with depression badly . By 10th grade i decided to stop going so i just got my G.e d. I use to cry atleast 4 times a day during our breakup cause i knew i had lost you for good , even after you still tried to love me i still didn't tell you what was wrong .. i stayed single from the time we broke up until sept 1 of 2018 i thought i liked him , i thought i loved him but it was just something to feel the void of pain that i had for you i dated him for 9 months but he knew i didn't love him . How could i love another guy when you were the one i supposed to been loving all my life .. thing is i had to completely cut off tasha them side cause i knew you was always going to be around, a couple months ago i was in Walmart and i seen you along with my 2 cousins and you just smiled at me and i just stared back because i knew you had moved on , also i knew you had a baby on the way truth be told that shit broke me even more even tho 3 1/2 years passed by . But i know you don't love her , you never did .. you just tried to replace me .. you're so fucking unhappy to the point you tried to hide it that day in Walmart .i was with you for 3 1/2 years you showed me the real you , i know the real you , all your insecurities, flaws, Everything . I love you forever 9.30.13 i hope you randomly see this post one day and think of me

Cali Girl on November 21, 2019:

Its been 22 years the last time I talked and saw you after I broke up with you over a letter ( finding out you had someone already). I'm married and stable with 2 lovely and gorgeous kids which are my breath and life.

Bur all these years you've been in my thought and still wondering if I gave US a chance when I saw you in year 1997. Sometimes I'm wondering I should not let PRIDE eat me up. Went back home recently, and honestly every time I go visit; YOU are the first in my mind - hoping to see you or just bump to you. It was a great feeling to be connected with you on FB and that gives me hope someday we can patch up things and at least become GOOD FRIEND. Sometimes I feel guilty for thinking about you, but as i read - FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES; I guess that's TRUE and I can witnessed on that.

I know you are happily married and I'm happy for you I'm praying that someday I could get over this feelings and move on.

Just praying that someday we can be connected and be good friends again.

PinkRedAirplane on November 19, 2019:

It’s been 3 years now since the breakup and yet I still can’t forget my first love.

I remember vividly how we first met. It was second quarter of junior year. We met online but we went to the same school he was just a grade lower than me. I remember talking all night long to the time we first hung out. Laying on the grass looking at the sky, and then our first kiss happened. I’ve never experienced these feelings before, I was falling in love. We spent a year together, just like the article mentioned, I got to experience what love felt like without having any responsibilities to deal with. I thought everything was great until we broke up. The hardest part about this was that he was already talking to someone else and seeing them. I cried for days that felt like an eternity. I’d see him here and there. But that all changed after a while.

Now I’ve moved on and have an amazing man in my life. A man that I see marrying in the future. But I always have my first love in my mind. I thought I was going nuts wondering if I was crazy for even having a single thought. But first loves are hard to forget and I get that now..

London32 on November 13, 2019:

Just an update -

I've come to believe thoughts about my first love come about when current relationships are going through hard times. Bringing us back to a time when love was care free, free from responsibilities and in the purest form. These dreams were unknowingly effecting my relationship and I hope anyone in my situation will find the courage to go out and seek that closure if possible.

My closure wasn't in many words so to speak, but the lack of words.

Whatever you do don't let it eat away at you, speak to someone about it, don't overthink and most importantly know that we cannot ever forget our past, we just have to leave it behind.

Lost Love Stories on November 05, 2019:

Thanks for the interesting article. There is something haunting about the idea of a lost love; a relationship that never quite ran its natural course and could be reignited someday. Perhaps it's not surprising that one in five people get back with an old flame.

I am writing from a UK TV Production Company called Wall to Wall Media, who have been reuniting people with missing family members for a decade as part of the award-winning documentary series 'Long Lost Family'. Now we want to bring romantic soulmates together after years apart.

If you are single, and 18 or over, and would be keen to reunite with a lost love, get in touch via longlostloves@walltowall.co.uk.

GB on November 04, 2019:

I was 19 and he was my first love and have never forgot him. I regret ending the relationship because he was leaving for the military. Looking back on what we shared was so special to me. He was a great guy and I only wish my fears did not take over and cause me to end the relationship. Almost 30 years later, the memories are still embedded in my heart along with what could have been if I was strong enough to not give up. Hindsight is always 20/20 and the pain of regret is a powerful force. We are both married with adult children, so the past is just that.

Axararry on November 02, 2019:

Idk

Who's my love

Alvin Tostig on October 29, 2019:

I met my first love, a firey, freckle faced red head in the second half of my sophomore year of high school. We started dating the following summer and through the rest of high school. Her name is Dulcey and she was as unique as her name. Unfortunately, I spoiled the relationship when I became possessive and controlling. She called it quits a couple months after graduation. As devastating as it was, I deserved it. That was thirty-three years ago.

I took the lessons I learned in that relationship and didn't make the same mistakes with future lovers, but I never forget Dulcey. I've been with the same woman now for thirty years and we're married twenty-four, but I catch myself thinking about my first love several times a week, even now. I didn't understand why until I read this article. I thought for sure that I was just mental and that this wasn't normal. I'm happy in my marriage and I don't wish to reunite with my first love for anything except maybe to reminisce. I still remember the very first time I saw her. I remember trying to impress her by taking her for a ride in my because I had just gotten my driver's license. I can remember our first date and our first kiss which was intense and that she initiated. I remember the movies we saw and the music we enjoyed and the places we went. I vividly remember the first time we almost had sex (her mom came home early) and I remember the first time we did have sex. We were each other's first.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and do it all over knowing what I know now, but then I wouldn't have the family I have and the life I have now. I did get to see and talk to her in 2016 which was nice. I apologized for how I treated her and she said all is forgiven. Ironically, she's married to a very jealous, possessive and controlling man, according to her description of him. She has three daughters with him. She also has a son with the man who replaced me. There was another marriage that ended somewhere in between. When we parted again from that meeting, there was no contact, not even a handshake. I was certain that just getting to apologise to her would give me the closure I so wanted and put her as a distant memory, but she's still living rent free in my mind.

RT on October 12, 2019:

You are not alone. Anyone who have truly loved has been there. For me it has been 13 good years. Like you i use to dream about him. I have asked a friend in the same circle what they think of me asking him on lunch for closure. They think it might not be a good idea... I have been scared of failing in love. I am currently trusting God to heal me and restore me full for the amzing guy i will spend the rest of my life with. I do not know him yet but I know that he deserve the best and that includes the me who could love him wholeheartedly. It has been 8 years without trying. As i needed to first firmly believe that my past experience has greater purpose for my future. Now, I do trust and believe that God's plan is sincerely to give me hope and a good future and i am standing on this promise as I await on him for a good relationship -I can not wait to fall in love again! I know that God knows our hearts and as his children if we trust him as a father he will ensure that we enjoy goodness too. I advise that you surrender to God and instead ask him to heal you. I pray that you do not miss the good future he has in store for you and that your next relationship brings you all the joy and love you deserve. All the best!

Lesliewins on October 05, 2019:

London35 you wont be seen as a creep if you had a relationship. If neither of you are married then dont let anything stop you. You have nothing to lose. Life is short. She will still feel loved even if it doesn't work out. Let us know how it goes.

London32 on October 04, 2019:

Lesliewins thank you for you advice, We still live in the same area we have always been in so I hope we do bump into each other one day.

You have such an amazing story to tell and it was such a beautiful letter. I would never think that a love from 20 years ago would effect me at this stage but here I am.

I believe it may have a lot to do with maturing,if we were both at this level of maturity early on things could have worked out just fine - that could go for a lot of past relationships, but this one is just stuck in my heart.

I have been praying that we will cross paths soon, but if we don't I will pray for the strength to ask if she will meet me for closure. As we have mutual friends, id not like to be seen as a creep lol

Lesliewins on October 03, 2019:

London 32 You should go and find her and get closure while she is still alive even if she doesn't love you. Real love is from God and even if you are not supposed to be together you can still tell her how much she meant to you. Love is not a bad thing and God wants your heart to heal. If you scroll down to 8 months ago in the comments you will see a letter I wrote to my first love.

London32 on October 03, 2019:

For the past week or so I have been dreaming of my first love (we met 20 years ago) every night.

I have never had such vivid dreams and the feelings of love and comfort are so intense and pure. These dreams have constantly on and off but when they start it happens literally every night.

I wake up thinking if she dreams about me too, what could have been or what could be. How can I ask for closure after 20 years lol

If anyone's had a similar experience please get in touch

Life can be beautifully cruel - you never truly forget your first love

Eileen16 on September 30, 2019:

For 40 years I have suffered - yes 40 years!

I am married , but regret so many things ....

I know where my first love is, who he married (my replacement) and the children they had.

It drives me crazy, but now I am getting old and I can only look back and try to face the fact he wanted someone else and not me...

I will never forget him but he will never know the affect he has had on my life.

Llewellyn Bagola on September 29, 2019:

I met this girl we used to go everywhere until i saw her and a other guy my heart shattered i still remember her I listen to country to remember her i cry sometimes

Killer bee on September 27, 2019:

I was at a basket ball tournament in glen allen alaska and i met this amazing girl her smile the way she was so proper funny i fell in love with her instantley we were inseprable that weekend.when she was leaving i hid in the bus and the shaperone found out and brought me back i went home and we had a long distance realationship for a while then prom came up and she said prom is coming up and i want to go someone asked her to it i told her i wanted her to be happy now 2019 we talk and my love for her will never die shes still the amazing woman that she was then i have never been so happy in so long thank you god for this angel

Ghl on September 21, 2019:

I don't know will i ever get detached from the feeling of loving him or not... But i don't know also I want to get to get detached also... It's been 2.5 yr but I still miss him terribly... I always wanted and imagined my life with him... But I can't be with him.. want to love him always also not want to remember him because it hurts also....

Per Hostage on September 20, 2019:

I don’t relate to most of these. I guess my situation is unique which is why I’m so bad at handling it.

Enigma on September 16, 2019:

It seems at nighttime before going to bed I too think of my ex even though I have a guy lying next to me. Little does he know I think of you and you are in my heart always. You too are in a long term relationship and it’s hard to watch how nice you two look together. Can you forget me? Can I forget you? Maybe we can never achieve that and there will always be that feeling of undone between us. I’ve tried to move on but my heart says no. There is no solution and I only wish you the best.

Dj on September 12, 2019:

I’ve moved on & im very happy now. I have a great guy who I adore & see myself marrying, but late at night EVERY SINGLE NIGHT I think of you. I think of us. How happy we were. The deviation you put me through. Even tho you cause me to experience the most pain I’ve ever felt, you gave me the most happiest I’m likely to ever feel again. Everyone thinks I’m crazy when I say that. You destroyed my heart & caused me to ruin a lot of other relationships but I will never in my life regret you. I will never in my life forget you or be mad Bc you gave me something that I search for in everyone I meet. I will never get what we had again & i think that’s why I hang on to the memories so much. I don’t wish to be w you. Nor am I in love w you. But late at night , I always think of you before I go to bed , even if I’m laying right beside the new guy in my life. I call your old number sometimes knowing you won’t pick up. You are the most beautiful soul I’ve ever met & I hope whatever you do that it makes you happy. I love you mason.

Heidi on September 08, 2019:

He wrote in my yearbook, “And don’t ever forget!’ That was 44 years ago, and I can’t forget. I wish..............

Siam on September 05, 2019:

19 years and my heart aches everytime i think of you. my memories of you will never fade until the day i die....

Lloyd on September 01, 2019:

I can remember the first time I layed eyes on her sophomore year of high school. Her name was Laura. Literally the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Our first date we watched Friday the 13th Part 3 (her choice). A girl after my own heart. Finally after a few dates we were officially a couple. We dated for a year. It was the best year of my existence. The only time in my life where I felt what true HAPPINESS was. I can recall each memory crystal clear. Then out of the blue, she dumped me. It was one of the worst feelings I’d ever felt. She did it over the phone and I remember dropping to the floor like someone knocked the wind out of me. We tried a few times over the next few years to get back together with no prevail. We’re both now in our mid thirties married to other people, and we both have children. Even though I love my wife very much, I don’t feel that LOVE I felt for Laura. I’ll always wonder if she feels the same......

Pete on August 29, 2019:

We dated for a whole springtime. It was wonderful, innocent. Then your ex came back from school and you picked him over me. You thought I was the "love them and leave them type, but I wasn't. Truth be told, I never had a girlfriend before you. The breakup came from out of the blue and it hurt. That summer was hell. Then we ran into each other when the new school year started. You came up to U Mass. You wanted to get back together, said you had made a mistake. There were two things that held me back. Since you had broken up with me, I met another girl. She was kind, loving and true to this day. Second, I couldn't risk getting hurt by you again. A chance on you dumping me a second time would have completely killed me. There are times I do forget about you, but like a ghost your memory comes back. We have both moved on now for many years but I still think of what could have been if you had accepted my ring so many years ago at Salisbury.

Michael on July 30, 2019:

The article hits the nail on most points.

By reading the responses, I'm not the only one.

It's been 47 years since her mother invoked her will and effectively stopped our relationship. We're each married to others, have grandkids.

The comfort takeaway from the article is that I'm unconvinced she thinks about me as much as I do her.

I pray God will finish the beautiful thing he started in us

Cherry :) on July 19, 2019:

My First love, My first heartache :( I know I haven't cried it all, I wanted to shout it loud to express what I feel right now... One day I'll forget about you and just be genuinely happy for you... I Love You Goodbye...

Till I found my true love.. My forever :)

Rach on July 13, 2019:

It’s been 12 years since my first love

I have a family, a husband and a child but The truth is I think about my first love daily.

Some days I hate him for the pain I go through and yes 12 years later it still hurts. Other days I just miss him. Miss how I felt. How carefree we were. I could never guess what a risk it was to love someone because my life was wrecked when it was as finally over and I haven’t totally recovered nor will I ever let myself love another person the way I loved my first love. I’ll hold back because I’m scared of being hurt and the only person I let myself love fully is my son. Because my first love crushed me and I almost didn’t make it, years later the wounds havent healed.

But if I would do it again I would, because the love we had was everything

Anonymous on July 13, 2019:

Tahlia,

Its been over 7 years since we first laid eyes on eachother. I know we've been in and out of other relationships over the past few years, but the only girl that wont seem to leave my mind is you. I often find myself in deep thought of your green eyes, your long dark hair and your beautiful smile, its just mesmerising. I remember running into you on the beach years ago, i stood in silence in the huge crowd of people just taken away by memories and the overwhelming feeling of love. We're both in other relationships now, but i hope that someday we can live our fantasy like we once dreamed. You said something which is now permanently etched in my brain - "Once a upon a time you made me the happiest girl in the world", i hope in the future there comes a time where i can, but this time it's forever ❤

Kay on July 12, 2019:

Ben,

I wish the clock would spin backwards to a time before I said my vows, to a lonely place in my life where my heart was open and yearning to be with you again. I was so battered by the ex that came after you and I was abused emotionally into believing that man was my destiny and that the life I had at the time would be the only thing to keep me afloat in society. I should have left and gone back to you when I had that chance in 2008/2009. I did not. Instead I only drifted furhter in a different direction. I am now at the point of being married to a caring, loving and sympathetic man who adores me and we have 2 wonderful little kids who I would die to ever lose. He is so caring and complete opposite of the abuser I ditched in 2009. I would not trade the family unit for anything on Earth and sadly, not even for you. But the love I have for you aches in my heart every day and a huge chunk of me feels incomplete without your embrace. I crave everything about you so many days of the month. I envision the past so often and get so lost in old photos, journals describing our encounters, adventures and explorations together, our old chat convos, our hand written notes, the emails. It floods my mind and chases away the stresses of the present and I get so lost in the thought of us together again. I was with you 16 years ago adn that moment of time is becoming more dismal, more distant. I never want to lose your connection. I will carry these feelings with me to my grave but I have a hope that before then we will reunite Don't ever forget about me either.

Barry on July 07, 2019:

My first love was 30 years ago even though I'm married I can't stop thinking about her. I was young she was young but we got separated I left because my dad was transferred . We communicated on Facebook and it ended. I was drunk and said something to hurt her feelings. I wish I never said that. Anyway she deactivated her account. But she did tell me I will always be her first love. I can't get her out of my mind.

Sam on June 20, 2019:

Its been 24 years, im married to a wonderful woman now, but i still miss you, i still regret that night i was a fool.

I saw you on facebook recently, you have married and have children.

I loved you H. I have thought about you everyday and my heart still beats strongly for you.

In another life...

Kelly on June 07, 2019:

It’s been like 4 years an I haven’t stop thinking of you idk why maybe cause you were my first love an I guess no one has ever made me feel the way you did to me special but I don’t regret meeting you the bad you did to me lies made me feel stronger an I don’t regret picking you my first cause I knew since the day I saw you you were the one for me till this day I haven’t met someone like you but even tho we miles hundred thousand miles away is clear to me I won’t see you again I wish you the best an hope you find someone who truly love you more than me an makes you feel special as I did cause I don’t think you’ll ever find someone like me again now a days I love the way you lie an the way you were to me I hope to see you again an repeat the day we met but is clear to me won’t happen is was just a dream in my dreams I see an I can feel the touch but I wake up to reality an all I feel is tears down my face cause you no longer next to me

This on June 01, 2019:

Dear Jone,

This would be the first and last time i'll speak of you, but know that in the past ten years you never left my thoughts. Like a beautiful song you played in my heart, but i'll never get to sing of you. I remember you,as clear as the day you first stole my heart, the day you changed my life forever. You are a bittersweet memory that i get to relive over and over. Sometimes i wonder if you ever think of me,if you ever regretted breaking my heart.We were young then, and yes years have passed.Lovers came and as much as i tried to give them the love they so deserved,i end up giving them a broken heart for you occupied the rest. But please know that, of all these things i've been through, i will never regret you coming in my life, for you are my first love and you will forever be a part of who i am now And i thank you for that.

Love,

Pretz

Momo on May 29, 2019:

everything about you is etched in my brain as time has not passed as if I haven’t aged. I’ve made mistakes and if I could I would go back in an instant. You’ll always be the one I was meant to be with for that reason I’m lost. My child asks if I am happy and if I got to marry the one I loved and it’s in these moments that I think of my time with you that I tell him yes but it’s only in my mind that you and I are together. I never told you about him because you weren’t prepared and we were awfully young. Our love knows no bounds and you and I are perfectly entwined through him. I live knowing that you are happy and successful and that we will be with each other one day but for know I wait for you my dear.

Barb to Chad on May 14, 2019:

At 15 I found my true love. Your dad made you break it off because he wanted you to go to college and find a woman that was better than me from a high society family with money. I remember how you cried when you had to tell me and I heard you tell your dad "why" and he said just do it! I tried to console you because I didn't want you to hurt and tell you it was ok but it wasn't. After 40 years you married into a high society wealthy family. I am sure your parents are happy but I see the sadness in your eyes. Just know I never stopped loving you and never will!

sleepless forever on May 03, 2019:

remember that feeling of something incomplete? maybe someday it will fully go away..like a shell falling into the bottom of the deep ocean floor…maybe like a cold breeze that may one day be sunkissed with the warmth of the golden sun. im accepting that i dont matter enough for you to message me first. i hope u don't look back later in life and wish u would have wanted my friendship after all these years..im stronger today and thank you for what u meant to me and for giving yourself to me in our youth.

Mina on May 02, 2019:

Vagelis i love you. 15 years after our breakup. You were my first love and i loved you forever. I woul d pay with my life to be with you again. I think of you everyday my love. I will never forget you.

glistening whispers on April 30, 2019:

Slowly sipping on poisonous spoonfuls of shattered dreams, I watch your social media perfect poses with your wife to be. I know you are lying to yourself..you’re bored. You’re going the safe route. You’re going to learn soon enough about the same mistake I made. One day you will wake up and feel how empty your heart feels even though you injected it with sugar coated hopes yet you deflate like a helium filled balloon that was soaring up that punctured and now reached rock bottom like a used condom on a cold hotel room floor.

It’s not too late.

There is a reason I came back into your life.

Listen to your ❤️ and it will bring you back to me, the one you were always meant to be.

Aishwarya on April 27, 2019:

Yes I totally agree with you , I love you aji forever and will never forget you until my breathe stops..I don't know what made us to separate..this 10 years not even a single day went without your thoughts and memories we cherished together..I loved you with all my heart and soul.. you'll be always in my thoughts and life...I love you to the core and more than that ..I wish and pray to God that all these obstacles which shattered our dreams into pieces should stick together like a magic and make me to live my entire life with you ♥️

Al on April 26, 2019:

Nix.... i wonder if you feel the same. I will never forget you. I will always love YOU. Forever you will hold my heart in your unknowing hands. Im so glad you appear to be happy and doing well in your life. My mind finds it impossible to see you as anything else but perfect. Im sad that we met so young. I feel i was to immature to be the man you needed at the time. Still i loved you and i still love you now. I wish you well angel. Maybe in another life we will be together again. I miss you so much. I love you. Take care baby xxxx

Al on April 26, 2019:

14 years later, nicola, i am married. I have two kids. You are also married. You too have two kids.... i have never, and will never love anyone as much as i loved you. Its hard and sad to say that but it will forever be true. Your first love is the most perfect love you will ever feel..

Nicole on April 24, 2019:

Kristian, I knew what I felt for you at that point was true... Loved you but youre different now doing weed and stuff, I met someone new and good for me, really good. You are a regret, but you cant be a regret forever. You wont be a regret forever, because I deserve as much love as this hurts in a very bittersweet way...

Nicole on April 24, 2019:

Kristian?

. on April 24, 2019:

14 years after... I still think of him

Anonymous 1993 on April 22, 2019:

Rodney H.

I love you with all my heart. I always have and always will. You were my first love and none will ever compare even after all these years. 26 years and counting.

Question to Anonymous on April 22, 2019:

Ok so you make some points but your heart can love again as you say but there is one person that you probably still think back to always. Ask anyone who is old in age, and they will tell you about that one love that has still remained in their memories after an entire life. He could have married someone else and be “happy” but why does he remember that special person fondly? Perhaps it’s because he may never feel that way again as he felt with that one person and I know you have one in your heart even if you say otherwise.

BlacknessDarkness on April 18, 2019:

Mike.......U wrote. 49+. Really..really?? Saddest line I ever saw in my life......

JustinMM on April 17, 2019:

Friendship is ok I think. If you can be friends... better than nothing.

khair on April 12, 2019:

that one day changed my life forever. that one-day innocence of playing together made me fall in love with you. before whenever I used to see you I just wished and wished you will ever be mine. every girl I find attractive is because they are similar to you. perhaps I am looking for you in them. maybe not this world since its always impossible and since you don't even know all this. Maybe someday you read this and wonder who it is written.its about you.

Annonomous on April 10, 2019:

When I was 13 I met this guy and he was genuinely my bestfriend and I would have done absolutely anything... Over time I felt my feelings towards him change into something more. Every relationship I ever had since then reminds me of him... He recently got engaged and that didn't exactly work out for him which for some reason gives me hope even though (out of respect for him and her) we haven't spoken for years... I may have had a child with someone else but deep down he was always on my mind and oddly enough he still is about 6 years down the line.

It feels extremely weird to admit it but I always found talking about it, was awkward and hard for me to do.

I was always rather close with him and his family and we all helped each other out with things. At one point we was really over protective over me and I was mad about it and it caused a huge argument and I hated myself for it because I genuinely knew it was my fault.

I had a lot of shit go on with my little ones Dad and caused a hell of a lot of drama for him because my ex started throwing accusations all over the place and honestly I never felt as safe as what I did when I was in his (the bestfriend not the ex) arms.

I've genuinely never found that feeling since and I really don't think I ever will...

He just suddenly walked in my life and it was like everything changed.

Abed on April 09, 2019:

Dear Shaghayegh,

I wish I could tell you this in person. Its almost a year past after our break-up and I still feel so lonely and left out. I tried my best. I couldn’t make you happy. You said you broke up with me because you weren’t happy anymore. It’s OK. If you are feeling better I don’t care anymore. But I wish somehow you would feel better with me as I used to feel infinite when I was walking with you, holding your hand, or picking you up from you Japanese class. I know I was not perfect. I know I am not perfect. We all got flaws. But I really loved you. You were the girl I chased for 2 years. I wish one day I wake up and realise this was all a dream. Losing you hurts so much. I generally feel like a loser. I don’t even know why I’m writing this letter here. But anyways. I wish that you find someone you deserve. Someone who loves you more than I do. Someone who looks better than I do. Someone who treats you better than I do. But I don’t want to have anyone better than you in anyway. I don’t want anyone. I hope that someday I see you and see that you have become the person you always dreamed of.

To you, my one and only sha⛵️

Love

Anonymous on April 06, 2019:

I love you Jason

Butterflies and coffee on April 03, 2019:

I love you and that hurts me. You hurt me because I will never forget and that sucks therefore you sick my heart is imprinted with your name my brain will forever remember us the memories of your smile, your cold nose when we kissed, the tiptoeing I had to do to kiss you and who could forget the butterflies. But I want to let go holding on is pointless (I wish I meant that)

Mike on April 01, 2019:

49 years +

Frosty on March 26, 2019:

Leanne

Gayle on March 25, 2019:

Daniel Henshall,

After 28 years you still occupy a place in my heart. Every relationship has failed because only you can calm me. I'm a fool for clinging to the hope you might feel the same. I hang my head in sorrow after I wake from dreams of you. How can I forget you?

Keys on March 24, 2019:

A part of me wishes that you wonder why you can’t forget your first love and find this exact article and find me here..knowing that I too can’t forget you and even though we are on opposite ends of the country we are together in our hearts and minds forever.

Anonymous on March 24, 2019:

Kyle

I miss you sometimes. It's been three years since you broke my heart. I still will never forgive myself for not noticing that you were talking to another girl behind my back because as soon as I discovered you were dating her two days after we broke up, I knew immediately that all the times I was frustrated with you for hanging out with other girls it was for a reason. However, I will never forgive myself for driving you to that point. I was inexperienced and frustrated and I took it out emotionally on you and I'm sorry. Even though I knew what we had wasn't the love I wanted, I still loved you with all of my heart. I still do. Sometimes I yearn to go and find pictures of you to see how you are doing in life but I can never find any because we aren't friends on social media. I have a boyfriend now who I know is going to treat me the way I want to for the rest of my life, but sometimes I yearn to go back to the way things were with us, like right now. I can remember the things we used to do together and I have to admit, thinking about it makes me want to cry because its something I can never do with the man I have.

I miss you for some reason. I just want to look at you again and feel your hands because they were so soft. I enjoyed watching you do things you were passionate about. I know this sounds extremely stupid but I really desire to know what major you decide to go for in college and I want to know what your doing right now.

I know I will never see you again because now we live in different states but I will say that I definitely miss you sometimes. I'm sorry about how I pushed you away, but I'm not sorry about the way you treated me.

With Love.

Starlight bright on March 19, 2019:

I can’t get you out of my mind, you live there every day.. nothing I do can allow me to forget you. I know you are with someone else but I wonder if you too think of me more often then you admit to say...

Char on March 16, 2019:

Jake

You were my first love. So sweet pure and innocent. I fell in love hard. I loved every minute with you. You are the man of my dreams and Im sad we aren't together anymore. Long distance is hard and draining and I did what was best for us at this time. I hope and pray we can be together one day. For now I must accept this decision and try and move on the best I can. You are and always will be my bestfriend. The reason I am the young woman I am today. I thank you for an amazing four years and give you all my love and strength for your new chapter in life.

Anonymous on March 16, 2019:

Martonette

Its been 9 years after we broke up. We were young and full of life, everything was new and exciting. We had the long night texts, the long walks and the amazing picnics on the farm. We laughed and cried together, and for a moment my life felt complete.

As with young love, the inevitable came and we broke up. My whole world crashed down, leaving me an empty shell in complete darkness. It caused me to act out and do things with multiple other women that I regret even today but, nothing worked. I was officialy, completely broken, but I still loved you..

Its been 9 years. I have moved on with my life. But for some reason, I still sometimes miss you, and I relive the pain for a brief moment. Sometimes I stalk your fb profile. Sometimes I wish things could have been different..I have a deep, true love for you even today. You were my first love, but unfortunately also my first heartbreak.

We havent spoken in years, but I still relive "what if" scenarios, but I always come back to one answer. The same answer that led us to broke up. So yes I am angry at you, because sometimes I still think we were meant to be married..that you were meant to be my wife. I just wish I knew if you sometimes think of me too. I wish I knew if you missed me too.

I hope you find love, and I hope you do not betray him as you did with me.

len on March 09, 2019:

Jake,

its been almost 3 years since our irrational argument. we were ready to go off to college, hopes of moving in together, dreams of a marriage and kids. you were my first love. and as much as I tried to forget you and convince myself otherwise, I still love you. Jung- a word I learned trying to heal. I will always have Jung for you. Knowing what I know now, things would be vastly different. It was a stupid and silly fight. In the end, the problem was not worth losing you over. It'll be your 21st in 2 days and I can't believe I'm not by your side. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I wish we didn't practically hate each other. But in order to hate someone I guess you have had to love them very much. & boy, do I love you. immensely. intensely. Irrevocably. happy birthday my love. im finally letting you go. I wish you happiness and I will always carry a piece of you with me.

Xo, Len.

Taylor on March 03, 2019:

Haha. So pretty much I’m never gonna get over this or feel how I did with anyone else, and feel miserable forever. Sweet.

bianca on February 19, 2019:

me and my ex dated for almost 3 months and things were so good in the beggining but a month and a half later things got difficult. i started getting jealous of him being w other girls and its tuff because i love him and i dont wanna loose him, but i did. he broke my heart but having a first means alot to me and i still love him no matter what happens. the past week without him has been hard because hes over me and im not over him. im always thinking about him, every song that comes on about love reminds me about him and it hurts and it tears me apart. no matter what happens my love for him is unbreakable. my family and friends have been trying to help me get over him and nothing has been working cause thats how much i love him. with all of my heart. i hope we still stay as friends and hope things go well between us now and in the future.

Saying Goodbye on February 12, 2019:

Today I’m saying goodbye in my heart and soul regarding the man that I loved. I’ve been thru a rollercoaster of emotions and I can’t take it anymore. I will shift those feelings of love back to me with a healthy mindset. Will any of us forget our first love? Not a chance but will I forget how painful it is when things turn out not as planned? No so I will get my workout clothes and sneakers on right now and listen to Coldplay Viva la Vida.

Lesliewins on January 19, 2019:

This is a letter I wrote to my first love after I found out he died at age 54

Dear Mike I know you loved me when we were kids and I know I broke your heart but when we got back together you kept telling me you loved me and you made me fall so much in love with you. Then you started leaving me out and I tried to make you jealous by kissing your friends. Im sorry I was a stupid teenage girl getting advice from other teenage girls.

I remember when you broke up with me. I felt so hurt. It was at the same time my grandpa died and I was so devastated. Then 2 days latter I met my husband and fell in love with him so quickly at age 18.

When I came back home to our neighborhood I was in the car with my mother and we saw you walking. My mother stopped to give you a ride and I started lelling at her to keep going . I saw you running toward the car smiling but we took off and left you there. Im so sorry I left you on the road. I was so worried my boyfriend would be mad and I didn't want to tell you I was pregnant and not married at the time.

About 3 years after you broke up with me I saw you at a house. When you saw me walk in the room you pushed the girl you were with off of you. Then I told you I had a baby and a husband and you looked shocked. My husband got jealous and kissed me in front of you. I remember leaving and thinking I would probably never see you again.

My husband and I became Christians and have lived a great life. I wish I could have talked to you but my marriage was more important and I thought it was wrong to even think about you. I did pray for you but maybe only once or twice because I thought it was wrong to think about you.

Through the years I would hear negative things about you from friends but that didn't change my feelings for you because even though I love my husband more and I know Gods plan for me was my husband I could not stop caring about you.

When I saw the obituary I contacted your sister and asked if you knew Jesus. She said you absolutely knew Jesus and that was the best news I could hear. It was like Jesus was telling me I have another friend in heaven . God knows our hearts even when we dont and his love is neverending. He gives us so much more than we deserve and His love is so much greater than we can comprehend.

I will see you in heaven Mike and I will laugh with you again and we will have great times again and we will see my Jesus together.

I always thought you and my husband would be great friends and now I know you will be. We will all see Jesus together. Pray for me and my husband

to do well here on earth and tell Jesus I said thank you and that I love him. Im asking Jesus to give you this letter and I know he will. I Love you forever my friend.

NHANASH on January 17, 2019:

The thing about our first love is that they were sometimes the reason why we become aware with the truth about life. I have done stupid things I never thought that I would. Sometimes when I thought about it, I kinda regret it, but then I realized that maybe it happened because we need to learn something ugly in this world.

Blondie on January 05, 2019:

I met my first love at 16 - he was 18 and it meant everything. I was far too young and naive to know what I was doing and eventually pushed him away. That was 22 years ago.

We ran into each other 8 years ago at a wedding and it was as if no time had passed. He emails me sometimes when he’s drunk or lonely (he’s married with 2 sons and I’m single) and tells me how I’m his soulmate and that he regrets breaking my heart. I’m desperately in love with this man and really hope one day our worlds will collide again. I dream and fantasise about him a lot, even though I know it’s incredibly damaging. I miss him so much

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