Why Can't I Forget My First Love?

Updated on June 19, 2019
princesswithapen profile image

I've been an online writer for over eight years. I love writing about relationships, love, romance, and flirting.

Your first love will always have a special place in your heart.
Your first love will always have a special place in your heart. | Source

Why is it so hard to forget your first love? Your first love is special because it is the most innocent and pure form of love. No matter how hard you try, you will never stop missing your first love.

Boyfriends and girlfriends in a loving relationship for the first time will forever remember the hugs, cuddles, sweet whispers, long drives, late night conversations, and romantic strolls they had together. Find out why the beautiful memories of this once-in-a-lifetime experience will linger in your heart and mind for the rest of your life.

1. It's who you experienced intimacy with for the first time.

Ask anyone about the memories of their first kiss, first hug, first cuddle, and the first time they had sex. Their faces will light up with a priceless glow. This happens because experiencing intimacy for the first time gets etched in the memory forever.

Physical intimacy is usually experienced with first crushes and first loves. This is the time when a simple act of holding hands makes you sweat, and a romantic hug gives you goosebumps all over your body.

2. It is the most innocent love.

One of the core reasons why your first love is so hard to forget is because it is pure and innocent. People don't fall in love for the first time with expectations or malicious intentions. It is a pure attraction, led by the heart and not the mind.

The beginnings of your first love are free of malice and manipulative behavior. The whole world seems beautiful, and life becomes perfect. It is like wearing rose-tinted glasses 24/7, even in your dreams.

This blissful feeling of first love can never be replicated—once innocence is lost on a personal level, it can never be translated in its purest form into another relationship. This is what makes it so special.

Your first love is probably when you first exposed all your insecurities—and it felt good.
Your first love is probably when you first exposed all your insecurities—and it felt good. | Source

3. It exposes your insecurities.

Your first love and first relationship will expose many of the insecurities you never knew about. For example, your first relationship will be the first time you actually realize what it is like to be a jealous girlfriend.

From jealousy to possessiveness to extreme dependence, your first love is when guys and girls realize how matters of the heart can bring even the strongest down to their knees. The memory of being exposed to your own insecurities for the first time will never go away.

4. It's when you thought that love is forever, and you attached all your hopes and dreams to it.

Guys and girls fall into love for the first time without any assumptions because they have never experienced love before. The puppy love effect makes them believe that this love will last forever.

This sense of lasting love makes you attach all your hopes and dreams to your first relationship. It is like wearing a pair of blinders and focusing all your life's attention and goals to just one thing—your love.

This extreme sense of attachment is hard to break away from. Even after a bitter breakup, you will find it impossible to see yourself living your life without your former significant other.

Puppy love makes you feel like your love will last forever.
Puppy love makes you feel like your love will last forever. | Source

5. It's the only time you believe in perfect love.

Your first relationship is when you believe that your love is perfect. Your love knows only one language, that which is spoken by your heart. There are no hang-ups, no complications, and no expectations.

This sense of perfectness creates memories that are hard to forget. No matter how old you get, no matter how mature you become, you will always crave this sort of perfection in your relationships.

Once you move on from your first love, it will be disheartening to realize that you will never be able to recreate this type of love again.

6. It is emotionally intense and euphoric.

The sheer excitement of feeling love for the first time will engrave all the sweet memories in your mind forever. On the flip side, your first love is also extremely emotionally intense. The downer after every little fight and argument is exhausting.

This extreme range of emotional highs and lows make your first love a once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that will never be repeated. This is what makes your first love so powerful and intense.

It felt good to be in a relationship without other responsibilities.
It felt good to be in a relationship without other responsibilities. | Source

7. It is like any other "first."

Your first love is when you let go and take a dive into the unknown. It is like the memories of all other "firsts" in your life, except that this one is much stronger.

Think of how you will never forget the day when you drove a car for the first time and then multiply that euphoria by a thousand times. Even that may be nowhere near the kind of impact your first love will leave on your mind, making it extremely hard to forget.

8. Your first love is carefree—there are no other responsibilities.

Your first love usually occurs at a young age. You have no spiraling credit card debts, mortgage payments, job insecurities, career problems, family issues, social pressure, or anything else that can make you feel like your life is just waiting to burst apart.

This carefree time was probably when you were a budding teenager, fresh into a relationship with your crush. You had no other responsibilities except to do well in class, which gave you all the time in the world to immerse yourself in your love. Basically, your first love was your full-time job.

As you grow older, your life is burdened with many new responsibilities, year after year. You may never get to experience the absolute and carefree experience of falling in love and enjoying each and every moment of it without having other responsibilities lingering over your head.

This is why the memories of your first love will remain on your mind for the rest of your life—you'll never have such a carefree state of mind again.

9. Your first heartbreak feels earth-shattering.

Just like how the euphoria of falling in love is extreme, so is the subsequent heartbreak. This is the first time you will experience what it feels to have your heart broken. This heart-shattering first breakup is amplified into an emotionally terrorizing fireball, including:

  • The agonizing feeling of having your trust broken for the first time
  • The painful sense of regret
  • The haunting feeling of having bared your insecurities to someone for the first time in life
  • The false hope that everything will be okay

10. The memory of your first love is tinged with painful regret.

If love was a poker game, your first love could be described as going all in. Peaking your levels of happiness will weaken your sense of judgment and make it hard to draw boundaries. This makes you do stupid things, including committing too early, putting your hopes into one person, getting intimate even if you are not sure, and more.

All these things snowball into a burden of regret after your first love falls apart. Why did I have sex with such a loser? Why did I trust her with all my heart? Why didn't I see that she was cheating on me? These are just some of the elements of the heart-wrenching regret that ensues after the breakup.

© 2013 princesswithapen

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    • profile image

      Lost Love Stories 

      7 days ago

      Thanks for the interesting article. There is something haunting about the idea of a lost love; a relationship that never quite ran its natural course and could be reignited someday. Perhaps it's not surprising that one in five people get back with an old flame.

      I am writing from a UK TV Production Company called Wall to Wall Media, who have been reuniting people with missing family members for a decade as part of the award-winning documentary series 'Long Lost Family'. Now we want to bring romantic soulmates together after years apart.

      If you are single, and 18 or over, and would be keen to reunite with a lost love, get in touch via longlostloves@walltowall.co.uk.

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      GB 

      8 days ago

      I was 19 and he was my first love and have never forgot him. I regret ending the relationship because he was leaving for the military. Looking back on what we shared was so special to me. He was a great guy and I only wish my fears did not take over and cause me to end the relationship. Almost 30 years later, the memories are still embedded in my heart along with what could have been if I was strong enough to not give up. Hindsight is always 20/20 and the pain of regret is a powerful force. We are both married with adult children, so the past is just that.

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      Axararry 

      9 days ago

      Idk

      Who's my love

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      Alvin Tostig 

      13 days ago

      I met my first love, a firey, freckle faced red head in the second half of my sophomore year of high school. We started dating the following summer and through the rest of high school. Her name is Dulcey and she was as unique as her name. Unfortunately, I spoiled the relationship when I became possessive and controlling. She called it quits a couple months after graduation. As devastating as it was, I deserved it. That was thirty-three years ago.

      I took the lessons I learned in that relationship and didn't make the same mistakes with future lovers, but I never forget Dulcey. I've been with the same woman now for thirty years and we're married twenty-four, but I catch myself thinking about my first love several times a week, even now. I didn't understand why until I read this article. I thought for sure that I was just mental and that this wasn't normal. I'm happy in my marriage and I don't wish to reunite with my first love for anything except maybe to reminisce. I still remember the very first time I saw her. I remember trying to impress her by taking her for a ride in my because I had just gotten my driver's license. I can remember our first date and our first kiss which was intense and that she initiated. I remember the movies we saw and the music we enjoyed and the places we went. I vividly remember the first time we almost had sex (her mom came home early) and I remember the first time we did have sex. We were each other's first.

      Sometimes I wish I could go back and do it all over knowing what I know now, but then I wouldn't have the family I have and the life I have now. I did get to see and talk to her in 2016 which was nice. I apologized for how I treated her and she said all is forgiven. Ironically, she's married to a very jealous, possessive and controlling man, according to her description of him. She has three daughters with him. She also has a son with the man who replaced me. There was another marriage that ended somewhere in between. When we parted again from that meeting, there was no contact, not even a handshake. I was certain that just getting to apologise to her would give me the closure I so wanted and put her as a distant memory, but she's still living rent free in my mind.

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      RT 

      4 weeks ago

      You are not alone. Anyone who have truly loved has been there. For me it has been 13 good years. Like you i use to dream about him. I have asked a friend in the same circle what they think of me asking him on lunch for closure. They think it might not be a good idea... I have been scared of failing in love. I am currently trusting God to heal me and restore me full for the amzing guy i will spend the rest of my life with. I do not know him yet but I know that he deserve the best and that includes the me who could love him wholeheartedly. It has been 8 years without trying. As i needed to first firmly believe that my past experience has greater purpose for my future. Now, I do trust and believe that God's plan is sincerely to give me hope and a good future and i am standing on this promise as I await on him for a good relationship -I can not wait to fall in love again! I know that God knows our hearts and as his children if we trust him as a father he will ensure that we enjoy goodness too. I advise that you surrender to God and instead ask him to heal you. I pray that you do not miss the good future he has in store for you and that your next relationship brings you all the joy and love you deserve. All the best!

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      Lesliewins 

      5 weeks ago

      London35 you wont be seen as a creep if you had a relationship. If neither of you are married then dont let anything stop you. You have nothing to lose. Life is short. She will still feel loved even if it doesn't work out. Let us know how it goes.

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      London32 

      5 weeks ago

      Lesliewins thank you for you advice, We still live in the same area we have always been in so I hope we do bump into each other one day.

      You have such an amazing story to tell and it was such a beautiful letter. I would never think that a love from 20 years ago would effect me at this stage but here I am.

      I believe it may have a lot to do with maturing,if we were both at this level of maturity early on things could have worked out just fine - that could go for a lot of past relationships, but this one is just stuck in my heart.

      I have been praying that we will cross paths soon, but if we don't I will pray for the strength to ask if she will meet me for closure. As we have mutual friends, id not like to be seen as a creep lol

    • profile image

      Lesliewins 

      5 weeks ago

      London 32 You should go and find her and get closure while she is still alive even if she doesn't love you. Real love is from God and even if you are not supposed to be together you can still tell her how much she meant to you. Love is not a bad thing and God wants your heart to heal. If you scroll down to 8 months ago in the comments you will see a letter I wrote to my first love.

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      London32 

      5 weeks ago

      For the past week or so I have been dreaming of my first love (we met 20 years ago) every night.

      I have never had such vivid dreams and the feelings of love and comfort are so intense and pure. These dreams have constantly on and off but when they start it happens literally every night.

      I wake up thinking if she dreams about me too, what could have been or what could be. How can I ask for closure after 20 years lol

      If anyone's had a similar experience please get in touch

      Life can be beautifully cruel - you never truly forget your first love

    • profile image

      Eileen16 

      6 weeks ago

      For 40 years I have suffered - yes 40 years!

      I am married , but regret so many things ....

      I know where my first love is, who he married (my replacement) and the children they had.

      It drives me crazy, but now I am getting old and I can only look back and try to face the fact he wanted someone else and not me...

      I will never forget him but he will never know the affect he has had on my life.

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      Llewellyn Bagola 

      6 weeks ago

      I met this girl we used to go everywhere until i saw her and a other guy my heart shattered i still remember her I listen to country to remember her i cry sometimes

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      Killer bee 

      6 weeks ago

      I was at a basket ball tournament in glen allen alaska and i met this amazing girl her smile the way she was so proper funny i fell in love with her instantley we were inseprable that weekend.when she was leaving i hid in the bus and the shaperone found out and brought me back i went home and we had a long distance realationship for a while then prom came up and she said prom is coming up and i want to go someone asked her to it i told her i wanted her to be happy now 2019 we talk and my love for her will never die shes still the amazing woman that she was then i have never been so happy in so long thank you god for this angel

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      Ghl 

      7 weeks ago

      I don't know will i ever get detached from the feeling of loving him or not... But i don't know also I want to get to get detached also... It's been 2.5 yr but I still miss him terribly... I always wanted and imagined my life with him... But I can't be with him.. want to love him always also not want to remember him because it hurts also....

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      Per Hostage 

      7 weeks ago

      I don’t relate to most of these. I guess my situation is unique which is why I’m so bad at handling it.

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      Enigma 

      8 weeks ago

      It seems at nighttime before going to bed I too think of my ex even though I have a guy lying next to me. Little does he know I think of you and you are in my heart always. You too are in a long term relationship and it’s hard to watch how nice you two look together. Can you forget me? Can I forget you? Maybe we can never achieve that and there will always be that feeling of undone between us. I’ve tried to move on but my heart says no. There is no solution and I only wish you the best.

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      Dj 

      2 months ago

      I’ve moved on & im very happy now. I have a great guy who I adore & see myself marrying, but late at night EVERY SINGLE NIGHT I think of you. I think of us. How happy we were. The deviation you put me through. Even tho you cause me to experience the most pain I’ve ever felt, you gave me the most happiest I’m likely to ever feel again. Everyone thinks I’m crazy when I say that. You destroyed my heart & caused me to ruin a lot of other relationships but I will never in my life regret you. I will never in my life forget you or be mad Bc you gave me something that I search for in everyone I meet. I will never get what we had again & i think that’s why I hang on to the memories so much. I don’t wish to be w you. Nor am I in love w you. But late at night , I always think of you before I go to bed , even if I’m laying right beside the new guy in my life. I call your old number sometimes knowing you won’t pick up. You are the most beautiful soul I’ve ever met & I hope whatever you do that it makes you happy. I love you mason.

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      Heidi 

      2 months ago

      He wrote in my yearbook, “And don’t ever forget!’ That was 44 years ago, and I can’t forget. I wish..............

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      Siam 

      2 months ago

      19 years and my heart aches everytime i think of you. my memories of you will never fade until the day i die....

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      Lloyd 

      2 months ago

      I can remember the first time I layed eyes on her sophomore year of high school. Her name was Laura. Literally the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Our first date we watched Friday the 13th Part 3 (her choice). A girl after my own heart. Finally after a few dates we were officially a couple. We dated for a year. It was the best year of my existence. The only time in my life where I felt what true HAPPINESS was. I can recall each memory crystal clear. Then out of the blue, she dumped me. It was one of the worst feelings I’d ever felt. She did it over the phone and I remember dropping to the floor like someone knocked the wind out of me. We tried a few times over the next few years to get back together with no prevail. We’re both now in our mid thirties married to other people, and we both have children. Even though I love my wife very much, I don’t feel that LOVE I felt for Laura. I’ll always wonder if she feels the same......

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      Pete 

      2 months ago

      We dated for a whole springtime. It was wonderful, innocent. Then your ex came back from school and you picked him over me. You thought I was the "love them and leave them type, but I wasn't. Truth be told, I never had a girlfriend before you. The breakup came from out of the blue and it hurt. That summer was hell. Then we ran into each other when the new school year started. You came up to U Mass. You wanted to get back together, said you had made a mistake. There were two things that held me back. Since you had broken up with me, I met another girl. She was kind, loving and true to this day. Second, I couldn't risk getting hurt by you again. A chance on you dumping me a second time would have completely killed me. There are times I do forget about you, but like a ghost your memory comes back. We have both moved on now for many years but I still think of what could have been if you had accepted my ring so many years ago at Salisbury.

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      Michael 

      3 months ago

      The article hits the nail on most points.

      By reading the responses, I'm not the only one.

      It's been 47 years since her mother invoked her will and effectively stopped our relationship. We're each married to others, have grandkids.

      The comfort takeaway from the article is that I'm unconvinced she thinks about me as much as I do her.

      I pray God will finish the beautiful thing he started in us

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      Cherry :) 

      3 months ago

      My First love, My first heartache :( I know I haven't cried it all, I wanted to shout it loud to express what I feel right now... One day I'll forget about you and just be genuinely happy for you... I Love You Goodbye...

      Till I found my true love.. My forever :)

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      Rach 

      4 months ago

      It’s been 12 years since my first love

      I have a family, a husband and a child but The truth is I think about my first love daily.

      Some days I hate him for the pain I go through and yes 12 years later it still hurts. Other days I just miss him. Miss how I felt. How carefree we were. I could never guess what a risk it was to love someone because my life was wrecked when it was as finally over and I haven’t totally recovered nor will I ever let myself love another person the way I loved my first love. I’ll hold back because I’m scared of being hurt and the only person I let myself love fully is my son. Because my first love crushed me and I almost didn’t make it, years later the wounds havent healed.

      But if I would do it again I would, because the love we had was everything

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      Anonymous 

      4 months ago

      Tahlia,

      Its been over 7 years since we first laid eyes on eachother. I know we've been in and out of other relationships over the past few years, but the only girl that wont seem to leave my mind is you. I often find myself in deep thought of your green eyes, your long dark hair and your beautiful smile, its just mesmerising. I remember running into you on the beach years ago, i stood in silence in the huge crowd of people just taken away by memories and the overwhelming feeling of love. We're both in other relationships now, but i hope that someday we can live our fantasy like we once dreamed. You said something which is now permanently etched in my brain - "Once a upon a time you made me the happiest girl in the world", i hope in the future there comes a time where i can, but this time it's forever ❤

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      Kay 

      4 months ago

      Ben,

      I wish the clock would spin backwards to a time before I said my vows, to a lonely place in my life where my heart was open and yearning to be with you again. I was so battered by the ex that came after you and I was abused emotionally into believing that man was my destiny and that the life I had at the time would be the only thing to keep me afloat in society. I should have left and gone back to you when I had that chance in 2008/2009. I did not. Instead I only drifted furhter in a different direction. I am now at the point of being married to a caring, loving and sympathetic man who adores me and we have 2 wonderful little kids who I would die to ever lose. He is so caring and complete opposite of the abuser I ditched in 2009. I would not trade the family unit for anything on Earth and sadly, not even for you. But the love I have for you aches in my heart every day and a huge chunk of me feels incomplete without your embrace. I crave everything about you so many days of the month. I envision the past so often and get so lost in old photos, journals describing our encounters, adventures and explorations together, our old chat convos, our hand written notes, the emails. It floods my mind and chases away the stresses of the present and I get so lost in the thought of us together again. I was with you 16 years ago adn that moment of time is becoming more dismal, more distant. I never want to lose your connection. I will carry these feelings with me to my grave but I have a hope that before then we will reunite Don't ever forget about me either.

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      Barry 

      4 months ago

      My first love was 30 years ago even though I'm married I can't stop thinking about her. I was young she was young but we got separated I left because my dad was transferred . We communicated on Facebook and it ended. I was drunk and said something to hurt her feelings. I wish I never said that. Anyway she deactivated her account. But she did tell me I will always be her first love. I can't get her out of my mind.

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      Sam 

      4 months ago

      Its been 24 years, im married to a wonderful woman now, but i still miss you, i still regret that night i was a fool.

      I saw you on facebook recently, you have married and have children.

      I loved you H. I have thought about you everyday and my heart still beats strongly for you.

      In another life...

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      Kelly 

      5 months ago

      It’s been like 4 years an I haven’t stop thinking of you idk why maybe cause you were my first love an I guess no one has ever made me feel the way you did to me special but I don’t regret meeting you the bad you did to me lies made me feel stronger an I don’t regret picking you my first cause I knew since the day I saw you you were the one for me till this day I haven’t met someone like you but even tho we miles hundred thousand miles away is clear to me I won’t see you again I wish you the best an hope you find someone who truly love you more than me an makes you feel special as I did cause I don’t think you’ll ever find someone like me again now a days I love the way you lie an the way you were to me I hope to see you again an repeat the day we met but is clear to me won’t happen is was just a dream in my dreams I see an I can feel the touch but I wake up to reality an all I feel is tears down my face cause you no longer next to me

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      This 

      5 months ago

      Dear Jone,

      This would be the first and last time i'll speak of you, but know that in the past ten years you never left my thoughts. Like a beautiful song you played in my heart, but i'll never get to sing of you. I remember you,as clear as the day you first stole my heart, the day you changed my life forever. You are a bittersweet memory that i get to relive over and over. Sometimes i wonder if you ever think of me,if you ever regretted breaking my heart.We were young then, and yes years have passed.Lovers came and as much as i tried to give them the love they so deserved,i end up giving them a broken heart for you occupied the rest. But please know that, of all these things i've been through, i will never regret you coming in my life, for you are my first love and you will forever be a part of who i am now And i thank you for that.

      Love,

      Pretz

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      Momo 

      5 months ago

      everything about you is etched in my brain as time has not passed as if I haven’t aged. I’ve made mistakes and if I could I would go back in an instant. You’ll always be the one I was meant to be with for that reason I’m lost. My child asks if I am happy and if I got to marry the one I loved and it’s in these moments that I think of my time with you that I tell him yes but it’s only in my mind that you and I are together. I never told you about him because you weren’t prepared and we were awfully young. Our love knows no bounds and you and I are perfectly entwined through him. I live knowing that you are happy and successful and that we will be with each other one day but for know I wait for you my dear.

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      Barb to Chad 

      6 months ago

      At 15 I found my true love. Your dad made you break it off because he wanted you to go to college and find a woman that was better than me from a high society family with money. I remember how you cried when you had to tell me and I heard you tell your dad "why" and he said just do it! I tried to console you because I didn't want you to hurt and tell you it was ok but it wasn't. After 40 years you married into a high society wealthy family. I am sure your parents are happy but I see the sadness in your eyes. Just know I never stopped loving you and never will!

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      sleepless forever 

      6 months ago

      remember that feeling of something incomplete? maybe someday it will fully go away..like a shell falling into the bottom of the deep ocean floor…maybe like a cold breeze that may one day be sunkissed with the warmth of the golden sun. im accepting that i dont matter enough for you to message me first. i hope u don't look back later in life and wish u would have wanted my friendship after all these years..im stronger today and thank you for what u meant to me and for giving yourself to me in our youth.

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      Mina 

      6 months ago

      Vagelis i love you. 15 years after our breakup. You were my first love and i loved you forever. I woul d pay with my life to be with you again. I think of you everyday my love. I will never forget you.

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      glistening whispers 

      6 months ago

      Slowly sipping on poisonous spoonfuls of shattered dreams, I watch your social media perfect poses with your wife to be. I know you are lying to yourself..you’re bored. You’re going the safe route. You’re going to learn soon enough about the same mistake I made. One day you will wake up and feel how empty your heart feels even though you injected it with sugar coated hopes yet you deflate like a helium filled balloon that was soaring up that punctured and now reached rock bottom like a used condom on a cold hotel room floor.

      It’s not too late.

      There is a reason I came back into your life.

      Listen to your ❤️ and it will bring you back to me, the one you were always meant to be.

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      Aishwarya 

      6 months ago

      Yes I totally agree with you , I love you aji forever and will never forget you until my breathe stops..I don't know what made us to separate..this 10 years not even a single day went without your thoughts and memories we cherished together..I loved you with all my heart and soul.. you'll be always in my thoughts and life...I love you to the core and more than that ..I wish and pray to God that all these obstacles which shattered our dreams into pieces should stick together like a magic and make me to live my entire life with you ♥️

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      Al 

      6 months ago

      Nix.... i wonder if you feel the same. I will never forget you. I will always love YOU. Forever you will hold my heart in your unknowing hands. Im so glad you appear to be happy and doing well in your life. My mind finds it impossible to see you as anything else but perfect. Im sad that we met so young. I feel i was to immature to be the man you needed at the time. Still i loved you and i still love you now. I wish you well angel. Maybe in another life we will be together again. I miss you so much. I love you. Take care baby xxxx

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      Al 

      6 months ago

      14 years later, nicola, i am married. I have two kids. You are also married. You too have two kids.... i have never, and will never love anyone as much as i loved you. Its hard and sad to say that but it will forever be true. Your first love is the most perfect love you will ever feel..

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      Nicole 

      6 months ago

      Kristian, I knew what I felt for you at that point was true... Loved you but youre different now doing weed and stuff, I met someone new and good for me, really good. You are a regret, but you cant be a regret forever. You wont be a regret forever, because I deserve as much love as this hurts in a very bittersweet way...

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      Nicole 

      6 months ago

      Kristian?

    • profile image

      6 months ago

      14 years after... I still think of him

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      Anonymous 1993 

      6 months ago

      Rodney H.

      I love you with all my heart. I always have and always will. You were my first love and none will ever compare even after all these years. 26 years and counting.

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      Question to Anonymous 

      6 months ago

      Ok so you make some points but your heart can love again as you say but there is one person that you probably still think back to always. Ask anyone who is old in age, and they will tell you about that one love that has still remained in their memories after an entire life. He could have married someone else and be “happy” but why does he remember that special person fondly? Perhaps it’s because he may never feel that way again as he felt with that one person and I know you have one in your heart even if you say otherwise.

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      BlacknessDarkness 

      6 months ago

      Mike.......U wrote. 49+. Really..really?? Saddest line I ever saw in my life......

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      JustinMM 

      6 months ago

      Friendship is ok I think. If you can be friends... better than nothing.

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      khair 

      7 months ago

      that one day changed my life forever. that one-day innocence of playing together made me fall in love with you. before whenever I used to see you I just wished and wished you will ever be mine. every girl I find attractive is because they are similar to you. perhaps I am looking for you in them. maybe not this world since its always impossible and since you don't even know all this. Maybe someday you read this and wonder who it is written.its about you.

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      Annonomous 

      7 months ago

      When I was 13 I met this guy and he was genuinely my bestfriend and I would have done absolutely anything... Over time I felt my feelings towards him change into something more. Every relationship I ever had since then reminds me of him... He recently got engaged and that didn't exactly work out for him which for some reason gives me hope even though (out of respect for him and her) we haven't spoken for years... I may have had a child with someone else but deep down he was always on my mind and oddly enough he still is about 6 years down the line.

      It feels extremely weird to admit it but I always found talking about it, was awkward and hard for me to do.

      I was always rather close with him and his family and we all helped each other out with things. At one point we was really over protective over me and I was mad about it and it caused a huge argument and I hated myself for it because I genuinely knew it was my fault.

      I had a lot of shit go on with my little ones Dad and caused a hell of a lot of drama for him because my ex started throwing accusations all over the place and honestly I never felt as safe as what I did when I was in his (the bestfriend not the ex) arms.

      I've genuinely never found that feeling since and I really don't think I ever will...

      He just suddenly walked in my life and it was like everything changed.

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      Abed 

      7 months ago

      Dear Shaghayegh,

      I wish I could tell you this in person. Its almost a year past after our break-up and I still feel so lonely and left out. I tried my best. I couldn’t make you happy. You said you broke up with me because you weren’t happy anymore. It’s OK. If you are feeling better I don’t care anymore. But I wish somehow you would feel better with me as I used to feel infinite when I was walking with you, holding your hand, or picking you up from you Japanese class. I know I was not perfect. I know I am not perfect. We all got flaws. But I really loved you. You were the girl I chased for 2 years. I wish one day I wake up and realise this was all a dream. Losing you hurts so much. I generally feel like a loser. I don’t even know why I’m writing this letter here. But anyways. I wish that you find someone you deserve. Someone who loves you more than I do. Someone who looks better than I do. Someone who treats you better than I do. But I don’t want to have anyone better than you in anyway. I don’t want anyone. I hope that someday I see you and see that you have become the person you always dreamed of.

      To you, my one and only sha⛵️

      Love

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      Anonymous 

      7 months ago

      I love you Jason

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      Butterflies and coffee 

      7 months ago

      I love you and that hurts me. You hurt me because I will never forget and that sucks therefore you sick my heart is imprinted with your name my brain will forever remember us the memories of your smile, your cold nose when we kissed, the tiptoeing I had to do to kiss you and who could forget the butterflies. But I want to let go holding on is pointless (I wish I meant that)

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      Mike 

      7 months ago

      49 years +

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      Frosty 

      7 months ago

      Leanne

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      Gayle 

      7 months ago

      Daniel Henshall,

      After 28 years you still occupy a place in my heart. Every relationship has failed because only you can calm me. I'm a fool for clinging to the hope you might feel the same. I hang my head in sorrow after I wake from dreams of you. How can I forget you?

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      Keys 

      7 months ago

      A part of me wishes that you wonder why you can’t forget your first love and find this exact article and find me here..knowing that I too can’t forget you and even though we are on opposite ends of the country we are together in our hearts and minds forever.

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      Anonymous 

      7 months ago

      Kyle

      I miss you sometimes. It's been three years since you broke my heart. I still will never forgive myself for not noticing that you were talking to another girl behind my back because as soon as I discovered you were dating her two days after we broke up, I knew immediately that all the times I was frustrated with you for hanging out with other girls it was for a reason. However, I will never forgive myself for driving you to that point. I was inexperienced and frustrated and I took it out emotionally on you and I'm sorry. Even though I knew what we had wasn't the love I wanted, I still loved you with all of my heart. I still do. Sometimes I yearn to go and find pictures of you to see how you are doing in life but I can never find any because we aren't friends on social media. I have a boyfriend now who I know is going to treat me the way I want to for the rest of my life, but sometimes I yearn to go back to the way things were with us, like right now. I can remember the things we used to do together and I have to admit, thinking about it makes me want to cry because its something I can never do with the man I have.

      I miss you for some reason. I just want to look at you again and feel your hands because they were so soft. I enjoyed watching you do things you were passionate about. I know this sounds extremely stupid but I really desire to know what major you decide to go for in college and I want to know what your doing right now.

      I know I will never see you again because now we live in different states but I will say that I definitely miss you sometimes. I'm sorry about how I pushed you away, but I'm not sorry about the way you treated me.

      With Love.

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      Starlight bright 

      7 months ago

      I can’t get you out of my mind, you live there every day.. nothing I do can allow me to forget you. I know you are with someone else but I wonder if you too think of me more often then you admit to say...

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      Char 

      8 months ago

      Jake

      You were my first love. So sweet pure and innocent. I fell in love hard. I loved every minute with you. You are the man of my dreams and Im sad we aren't together anymore. Long distance is hard and draining and I did what was best for us at this time. I hope and pray we can be together one day. For now I must accept this decision and try and move on the best I can. You are and always will be my bestfriend. The reason I am the young woman I am today. I thank you for an amazing four years and give you all my love and strength for your new chapter in life.

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      Anonymous 

      8 months ago

      Martonette

      Its been 9 years after we broke up. We were young and full of life, everything was new and exciting. We had the long night texts, the long walks and the amazing picnics on the farm. We laughed and cried together, and for a moment my life felt complete.

      As with young love, the inevitable came and we broke up. My whole world crashed down, leaving me an empty shell in complete darkness. It caused me to act out and do things with multiple other women that I regret even today but, nothing worked. I was officialy, completely broken, but I still loved you..

      Its been 9 years. I have moved on with my life. But for some reason, I still sometimes miss you, and I relive the pain for a brief moment. Sometimes I stalk your fb profile. Sometimes I wish things could have been different..I have a deep, true love for you even today. You were my first love, but unfortunately also my first heartbreak.

      We havent spoken in years, but I still relive "what if" scenarios, but I always come back to one answer. The same answer that led us to broke up. So yes I am angry at you, because sometimes I still think we were meant to be married..that you were meant to be my wife. I just wish I knew if you sometimes think of me too. I wish I knew if you missed me too.

      I hope you find love, and I hope you do not betray him as you did with me.

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      len 

      8 months ago

      Jake,

      its been almost 3 years since our irrational argument. we were ready to go off to college, hopes of moving in together, dreams of a marriage and kids. you were my first love. and as much as I tried to forget you and convince myself otherwise, I still love you. Jung- a word I learned trying to heal. I will always have Jung for you. Knowing what I know now, things would be vastly different. It was a stupid and silly fight. In the end, the problem was not worth losing you over. It'll be your 21st in 2 days and I can't believe I'm not by your side. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I wish we didn't practically hate each other. But in order to hate someone I guess you have had to love them very much. & boy, do I love you. immensely. intensely. Irrevocably. happy birthday my love. im finally letting you go. I wish you happiness and I will always carry a piece of you with me.

      Xo, Len.

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      Taylor 

      8 months ago

      Haha. So pretty much I’m never gonna get over this or feel how I did with anyone else, and feel miserable forever. Sweet.

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      bianca 

      8 months ago

      me and my ex dated for almost 3 months and things were so good in the beggining but a month and a half later things got difficult. i started getting jealous of him being w other girls and its tuff because i love him and i dont wanna loose him, but i did. he broke my heart but having a first means alot to me and i still love him no matter what happens. the past week without him has been hard because hes over me and im not over him. im always thinking about him, every song that comes on about love reminds me about him and it hurts and it tears me apart. no matter what happens my love for him is unbreakable. my family and friends have been trying to help me get over him and nothing has been working cause thats how much i love him. with all of my heart. i hope we still stay as friends and hope things go well between us now and in the future.

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      Saying Goodbye 

      9 months ago

      Today I’m saying goodbye in my heart and soul regarding the man that I loved. I’ve been thru a rollercoaster of emotions and I can’t take it anymore. I will shift those feelings of love back to me with a healthy mindset. Will any of us forget our first love? Not a chance but will I forget how painful it is when things turn out not as planned? No so I will get my workout clothes and sneakers on right now and listen to Coldplay Viva la Vida.

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      Lesliewins 

      9 months ago

      This is a letter I wrote to my first love after I found out he died at age 54

      Dear Mike I know you loved me when we were kids and I know I broke your heart but when we got back together you kept telling me you loved me and you made me fall so much in love with you. Then you started leaving me out and I tried to make you jealous by kissing your friends. Im sorry I was a stupid teenage girl getting advice from other teenage girls.

      I remember when you broke up with me. I felt so hurt. It was at the same time my grandpa died and I was so devastated. Then 2 days latter I met my husband and fell in love with him so quickly at age 18.

      When I came back home to our neighborhood I was in the car with my mother and we saw you walking. My mother stopped to give you a ride and I started lelling at her to keep going . I saw you running toward the car smiling but we took off and left you there. Im so sorry I left you on the road. I was so worried my boyfriend would be mad and I didn't want to tell you I was pregnant and not married at the time.

      About 3 years after you broke up with me I saw you at a house. When you saw me walk in the room you pushed the girl you were with off of you. Then I told you I had a baby and a husband and you looked shocked. My husband got jealous and kissed me in front of you. I remember leaving and thinking I would probably never see you again.

      My husband and I became Christians and have lived a great life. I wish I could have talked to you but my marriage was more important and I thought it was wrong to even think about you. I did pray for you but maybe only once or twice because I thought it was wrong to think about you.

      Through the years I would hear negative things about you from friends but that didn't change my feelings for you because even though I love my husband more and I know Gods plan for me was my husband I could not stop caring about you.

      When I saw the obituary I contacted your sister and asked if you knew Jesus. She said you absolutely knew Jesus and that was the best news I could hear. It was like Jesus was telling me I have another friend in heaven . God knows our hearts even when we dont and his love is neverending. He gives us so much more than we deserve and His love is so much greater than we can comprehend.

      I will see you in heaven Mike and I will laugh with you again and we will have great times again and we will see my Jesus together.

      I always thought you and my husband would be great friends and now I know you will be. We will all see Jesus together. Pray for me and my husband

      to do well here on earth and tell Jesus I said thank you and that I love him. Im asking Jesus to give you this letter and I know he will. I Love you forever my friend.

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      NHANASH 

      9 months ago

      The thing about our first love is that they were sometimes the reason why we become aware with the truth about life. I have done stupid things I never thought that I would. Sometimes when I thought about it, I kinda regret it, but then I realized that maybe it happened because we need to learn something ugly in this world.

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      Blondie 

      10 months ago

      I met my first love at 16 - he was 18 and it meant everything. I was far too young and naive to know what I was doing and eventually pushed him away. That was 22 years ago.

      We ran into each other 8 years ago at a wedding and it was as if no time had passed. He emails me sometimes when he’s drunk or lonely (he’s married with 2 sons and I’m single) and tells me how I’m his soulmate and that he regrets breaking my heart. I’m desperately in love with this man and really hope one day our worlds will collide again. I dream and fantasise about him a lot, even though I know it’s incredibly damaging. I miss him so much

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      Natalie 

      10 months ago

      I know this feeling painfully too well. Im serious with someone else, but I recently ran into my first love after over 5 years apart and without any contact. I feel like that 16 year old girl again and as though time had stopped and resumed right where we left off. It wasnt a bad break up, we were just young and ill prepared, but my god, I had a feeling I simply cant shake after chatting. Looking into each others eyes proved too much to bare, and we both just sat in bittersweet silence staring at each other and thinking, wishing things were different. This is one of the hardest things I've ever encountered. What do you do when the one who got away never truly wanted to leave and then suddenly comes back? Its just terrifying not knowing if passing this up would mean leaving behind my true soulmate..

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      Sophie 

      10 months ago

      So after 20 years of no contact I had the courage to contact the person I loved on his birthday on Facebook. A note of caution to all.. do not do this unless you are ready to open a door you didn’t envision. He seemed shocked and happy to hear from me, and I poured out all my emotions foolishly about how I loved him. After a few chat exchanges, he became cold and standoffish, even to the point of not remembering the lyrics of a song he wrote inspired by me. That felt like a dagger in my heart, and if he honestly couldn’t remember it, it’s fine but it’s the way he came across as very cold and it was hard to imagine he could interact with me like that. I get that what we had was over, but the kindness and love and genuine friendship that we had would be respected, because what we had was beautiful. I immediately signed off and started crying. I don’t want to think that he can be so mean and insensitive but please don’t go there if you aren’t ready for the outcome. A part of me wants to forget him just as he forgot songs he wrote and recorded about me, I am going to try my best to pretend that what we had was just something that Alzheimer’s can eventually do the trick for me in my old age.

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      Georg 

      11 months ago

      Hi, it's a bit crazy but it's been 11 years now. I felt in love at the age of 12 yo. At that age I knew nothing of what was happening but I knew for sure that I've had never been so happy. I was laughing all the time for no reason and had the feeling that nothing else matters on earth. But as we were two young men we thought that what we were doing was wrong and made a pact, that we would never talk to each other ever again. Turns out neither of us is out, still now. I tried to contact him for a drink or something quite a few times every other 2 years but he never answered.. It's been so long, I'm sure we aren't the same as we were 11 years ago but still, I think of him every day and when I don't, I find myself dreaming at night about us when we were kids. I feel like he never really forget neither as he avoid each situation that could bring him close to me like parties or events. What is it that we are so traumatised by this first experience ?

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      Michael B 

      11 months ago

      I identified much with the article. And I identify with many of the comments.

      My first love and I were about 14-years old when we met in church. I was shocked at her attraction to me. We quicky and intensely fell for each other.

      Her mother characterized our relationship as "puppy love." That I wasn't a good boy. This irritated both of us because by the S. and I had already determined what real love is and we had it for one another!

      But pressure against our bond proved to be too much for my adolescent inexperience. I acted out in anger and damaged property. This gave her mother opportunity to say, "See, I told you so!"

      In a short period our union was over, at least physically. She got married. Later, I married, too

      It's been 45 years. I still think of her, sometimes obsessively. Much like I did during the days in our beginning.

      I still love her. As much as I have wanted to contact her over the years, I have refused myself liberty to do so. I have left her to be with her family. I love her that much.

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      Ksandee 

      11 months ago

      I met my first love in high school. We were 15 and he had a huge crush on one of my best girlfriends. Because of his many failed attempts to win her over, he and I were around each other a lot. Soon feelings started to creep in between us and within a year we were "officially" dating (as official as 16-year-olds can be). It was a brutally beautiful relationship. For the first year and 7 months he had been selling drugs without my knowledge and then one day he stopped showing up to school. He had been arrested and I didn't find out till a week later. I was dumbfounded! Here was the boy I gave my everything to and he wasn't even showing me the real him. He suddenly became a stranger in one day. It was devastating and yet I couldn't let him go. We broke up, of course, but got back together soon after he was released from juvie. I should have never taken him back. He continued to sell behind my back and turned into an addict himself. He cheated on me a lot and treated me badly. In an attempt to make him love me I started doing drugs and hanging around the wrong crowd. This got me kicked out of my house since I had two younger siblings that my mother was trying to protect from me. Soon I started sleeping around on him in an attempt to make him feel the same pain he had delt on me. It was awful on both our ends. He brought out the worst in me and I in him, but yet we kept at it with each other. Our whole story lasted four years until I realized I needed to skip town or risk becoming a full-blown crackhead. Since then I have sobered up, joined the military for four years, and am currently in college one year from my bachelor's degree. I pulled it together, and as far as I can tell he did too. From social media, I see now that he has a daughter and a steady paying job, but he still lives in the town we grew up in. I know it's weird to look up your ex on social media from time to time, but I also know I am not alone in this. I miss him... all the time. The last time we spoke was 8 years ago and I still think about him and what could have happened had we not been such selfish individuals. When our relationship was good, it was really good, but when it was bad, it was awful. The emotional rollercoaster has left me with a forever scar in my heart and in my mind. Yet there are moments when I still wonder what he is doing and if he ever thinks about me. I am too proud to message him because I know it wouldn't be smart and within in myself I feel it would make me look weak. I loved him so deeply and I now know I will never feel that same intensity again with another person. The part that hurts the most is feeling like he was my one and we had met too young, but I will never know if that's true or not.

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      Emily 

      11 months ago

      I don’t agree that the first time you have sex or a kiss is your first love.

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      TPWmyfirstlove 

      11 months ago

      I have been in love with my high school sweetheart since when I was 14. Her name is TPW. We have love each other really much like what this article mentioned. But we often have argue leads to breakup when we were both 16. Both of us were hurts and maintaining our ego. Both not will to admit that we still love each others. Now, both of us are married but I am still so deep in love with her. She married and migrated to another country. I know that she happily married with kids and same for me. But I keep reminiscing both of our old love days, since 24 years ago...I was so afraid I will continue to be like this for rest of my life. I hope she felt the same for me, but I don't know to see her suffering. I pray that I have courage to go to my life and continue to love her this way. For all my friends in this post, you are not alone feeling this way. Good to know you all even we all born in diff place and time, but the love feeling is a wonderful give that we will all cherish. I will always love you, TPW. Signing off, Highway.

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      16Butterfly 

      11 months ago

      I have been in love with the same person for 54 years. He is the love of my life and he says I am his, yet we are not together and never have been. Sadly, I still hold out hope. What a tragic waste of a life!! But....”Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all!” Sad, but true. It’s next to impossible to settle for a lesser feeling.

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      Scott 

      11 months ago

      To have that person again. That feeling...

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      Silkpajamas92 

      12 months ago

      My first love and I met when we were 16, and we were together until just after my 23rd birthday. Our 7 years together were the most manic and passionate of my life. We adopted our two kittens together the year before our breakup, so even though we’ve been separated for 3 years, we see each other every few months (we share custody of our cats...they’re literally our daughters lol don’t judge). I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half now, but my mind so often goes back to the most intense feelings I’ve ever felt for my first love. I hate never feeling like a whole person. Like half of me is missing. I know he loves me; he tells me he knows we’ll end up together forever one day. But I don’t know whether my overwhelming longing for him is just the rosy-tinted-puppy-love glasses effect, or if we’re actually cosmic soulmates. I constantly feel torn and I don’t want to be tormented by these feelings forever.

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      Joanne 

      12 months ago

      We had only been together for s little more than 2 (intense) months before we ended things, but we had been flirty, interested and intimate for about half a year in total. A couple of months passed and we dated for about 2 (intense) weeks before it ended badly. This was exactly one year ago. This year, we both have been seeing new people, but we had sex in May and a couple of weeks ago and a little more than a week ago we kissed lots when we were supposed to say bye after a night out with our friends.. Today we talked about us and things that happened this weekend that he did, they hurt me bad. We talked about our kiss and I asked why he did it. He said it was because he wanted to kiss me. He also told me he wouldn’t try and sleep with me again and when I told him to say it all to my face when we were at his door he told me that he doesn’t have any feelings for me. I feel devastated even though I know that we probably wouldn’t work out as a couple after everything that has happened.. It is easier this way, but it feels empty inside me now that we’re over for real, because after everything he has done I have always had hope.. it has always been him and I. He told me that the first girlfriend (me) will always feel special, especially because of our history, but then really tills me he has _no_ feelings for me. I really can’t get why he kissed me and all that, grabbed hold of me when I walked away and kissed me uuuuhhhhhhgghghhghh!! Since almost all of our friends are mutual I’m going to be around him a lot and that really doesn’t help now, especially now that I know nothing will happen between us in any way. Him being with someone else still makes me wanna throw up, excuse me. I guess I have accepted that I will always feel something for that Harry... I hope that some day he will think of me like that as well..

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      Josie 

      12 months ago

      I read thru every single comment here by so many of you, who like myself will never ever forget my true love that is now with a girlfriend half his age. I realize I can’t get over it and I want everyone here to think about something. Feel super lucky that you were able to love this deeply, as it is a gift that some may never experience. You may love again but it will never be like “that one love” that you remember from absolutely no reminder or a song, or just the thought of their voice. We should honor this deep love we had by now bring the best version of ourselves. If when we think of them, we smile, we cry, may it be with living life to the fullest and wishing them well no matter where they are or who they are with. If you really loved them, you will wish them well and hope for the best for them even if you can never be reunited again in this lifetime. I admit it was a bit difficult when I first saw his picture with his current girlfriend but now I only wish him the best and if he is truly happy, you are happy too. True love is not selfish, it is understanding and it is very different of what we may think at the time of loss whether it was your fault or theirs. What is not meant to be, has its own reasons and once again, be grateful and send them a good thought their way every time you think of them. If they deeply loved you too, they will do the same. This wisdom comes with time, and I hope I helped at least one person with my post.

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      MonoChrome 

      12 months ago

      Me and my girlfriend were together for a year. I am quite the fragile person already, so I cried for quite some time until I fell asleep. I woke up and cried again until I fell back asleep. For about a week, I rarely talked because I felt like I didn't have the energy to form words. It still hurts enough to bring me to tears, but I've been using these sad feelings to my advantage. I've embraced them and made sure I understand.

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      Justin 

      13 months ago

      Its been almost 18 yrs now. My feelings of love for her will never change, except that Ive been hurt/broken and its been very confusing for me. Its a struggle everytime I think about whether I love/hate her. Shes been married now and asks to be friends (Pour salt to the wound). I dont want to be friends with her. I can never be friends with someone I love, who loves and cares for another. I miss her dearly.

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      Some guy 

      13 months ago

      I met her in middle school. 12-13 years later and for some reason she will pop up in my head and ill look at some of her photos on social media, and still feel amazed when i see her face. I dont see this going away, its crazy and i sometimes wonder if she thinks of me too. Ive been in many relationships, and am even married now for several years and i hate to say this but i dont think i will ever feel that way again.

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      NeyNomore 

      13 months ago

      We broke up almost 2 years now. But I don't know why there was a sudden sadness and pain i've felt when i heard she got married yesterday..

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      Beautiful Butterfly 

      14 months ago

      It's been a year since I met my love in class. I don't understand why I love him so much. He doesn't understand why he loves me so much. We got pulled apart by my "Best Friend". I kept telling him that it was going to be okay and that we were strong enough to get through this. We broke up and I almost died. On the second to last day of school we started dating again and then I moved.

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      Josie 

      14 months ago

      Dennis I loved you and still do and always will. Our long distance relationship is something that I will never forget, the countless hours as we stayed up talking all night, the sound of your voice haunts me till this day..I miss you Coca

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      Ben 

      14 months ago

      my first love died in a car accident 26 years ago and although we were not together I will never get over her and I will love her until the day I die

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      B.B 

      14 months ago

      My first love was my daughter’s father. I was 20 and he was 31. He left us when our daughter was only 1 year old, to married someone else. All my life was destroyed. Even now 11 years after, I can ‘t be happy. I loved him so much.

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      KaitMarie23 

      15 months ago

      Rose, I too destroyed my first love. He was my best friend since 6th grade. He always had my back and was always there to pick me up when I fell. I just wasn't ready. He was too sweet and I decide to try dating him. It was so innocent, so pure at first. Then, I had all this freedom to f#ck things up with. I did just that. I cheated and cheated so many times. Mind you, we were in 7th or 8th grade at this point. Fast forward to July 3rd, 2015. I broke up with him and hurt him the last time. I've regretted it since.

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      Rose 

      15 months ago

      I will admit something here. I destroyed my first love. I was scared of my sexuality and I left them so many times. Their transition from ftm, no surgery, scared me. Everything scared me. I left them so many times. I can never truly be with anyone, because I start dreaming of my first love and I begin to miss them all over again. I regret losing my first love. It was my fault. After I realized what I had done, they were still with me, and I told them to go after another girl that they had liked, that was better for them. I had finally felt a taste of my own medicine when I began to lose (her/him) in the last year of middle school, when my first love had begun to like one of our friends, and I would run off, crying.

      He’s currently happy with one of our male friends, and the last time I tried to talk to my first love, it destroyed me. He told me to never talk to him again, and I’m sort of relieved. He will never fall for someone like me again, but I will always love him. Even now, I am falling out of a relationship, one I will probably break my own heart over. I’m trying so hard to stay in this one, but my sexual confusion, the introduction of my first love back into my life, and the distance between us is a load of problems that I don’t know if our relationship will be able to handle.

      I’ll leave a secret message here, in desperate hope that my first love may read it and know how I feel, even though they deserve so much better. Maybe they will recognize the story, and know who they are. :

      You were my best friend. In 6th grade, I was in love with you, and I didn’t even know it. I was so happy just to hold your hand and run around school. When you got a boyfriend, I was mad at you and had no idea why, and was depressed when you had your heart broken. I held you as you cried on my shoulder in the gymnasium, right by the door, on the last day of school. Over the summer, I thought of you nonstop. On my vacation, I spent so much time looking for the right gift for you, and finally settled on a panda and a dragon necklace. When I seen you at open house for seventh grade, I hugged you so tight.

      In seventh grade, we stayed the night at a friends house. You’ll remember who. I tripped you with a pillow to make our first kiss happen, and then a kid we knew started watching gay porn and getting glow in the dark paint everywhere, only for everyone to cry at the end of the night. Our love bloomed, but I was scared of you. Of commitment. Of everything. I left you so many times, and I’m sorry. You were my everything.

      In 8th grade, we were close but distant. That’s the year I really lost you. I dated our friends, and you liked a few. I got in so much trouble, got sent to the hospital for cutting, and you stood by me. I’m so sorry. I wish you would’ve left then, because maybe I would have had a chance with you. My heart breaks when I hear your name.

      Over the summer between eighth and ninth grade, I had a break down when I tried to write you an apology letter. I realized what I had done, just how bad I had messed up. You still loved me, and I hurt other people to spend my last bit of time with you. I tried to kill myself, because losing you and hurting you more was the scariest thing I could ever imagine. Losing you hurt more than my mom abandoning my family, or what my real parents did to me and my brother and sister.

      “Smile”, I left you in 9th grade because I was tired of hurting you. The last night we spent together, I was so happy to get to hold you, to kiss you, to cook with you, one more time. You are the one person I will never get over.

      The person im with now makes me happy, yes. I hope they leave me and find someone better, because I don’t deserve them. I didn’t even deserve you. I miss you so much everyday, and I just don’t know what to do. I cry over you, and my partner knows that. They know that I still love you, deep down, even though I try to hide it. Every time I talk to you, or see you, I either break down or get a rush. I still love you, so much, and I just wish you still loved me. I’ll never be able to take back what I did, and I know that. You’ll never forgive me and I’ll never forgive myself. Just know, the last time I told you that I love you, I meant it.

    • profile image

      Small 

      15 months ago

      Large, l don't think I will ever see you again. But just know this, that you were my first love. We were never meant to be I guess...

      I forgive you. Stay blessed.

    • profile image

      Randy 

      15 months ago

      My heart is aching! I have reconnected with my first love! She was 13 and I was 16. Although it has been 45 years ago I have never stopped thinking about her! Now I have a wonderful wife who loves me so much and a person that I would not hurt but I don’t know what to do!

    • profile image

      Anurag 

      18 months ago

      I had my break up two years ago... It was my first love so it's fu...g hard to forget the memories.I have suddenly become so mature that I forgot all the spice..all the spark which used to b one of my best quality to flirt with a girl. I hav gone out with girls in these two years but never felt the same so I don't feel like I wud ever b able to feel the same and it makes me yell my heart out...I m just searching for my old love , my old feel .... But I guess I wud nvr b able to...

    • profile image

      mahi 

      19 months ago

      hi guys

      my first love was when i was 8 years ago and i was 14 at that time. yeah it was devastating to watch him leaving and actually it was hell to live without him but after years of stuggle and pain and tears i thought moving on is an option and so i fell in love again second time but this time again same happened........my second boyfriend left me too...so now as per my experiences i can just say that we come alone and we go alone and its stupid to expect somthing from others. So, stop expecting and live your life.

      i know it hurts but its truth. no one cares about anyone in this world.

    • profile image

      Nicole F. 

      21 months ago

      I have not been able to forget my first love. It happened 50 years ago. When I left him, the earth seemed to open to swallow me up. Something is dead in me this day. I broke up because my bad mother influenced me to do so. She was jealous to see that I was in love and happy. My life has been a result of mistakes after. I always think of him and I pray at times that we end our life together.

    • profile image

      Sappu R. 

      23 months ago

      First love like something which can not be forgotten i trully miss my first love and i my story he doesn't like me i like him He is so cute ,handsome and nice in study to and i love his hair style

    • profile image

      Marilyn 

      2 years ago

      Very well written. The feeling of first love for me was, honestly, like being reborn into the heavens and the euphoria of just thinking about him when he was away from me was pure joy. We were so deeply in love but so young, so innocent...tragedy wasn't very far away. After a whirlwind romance, three years together, wrapped in each other's arms almost constantly, he let me go. I was devastated, broken hearted and my spirit was crushed. I took the engagement ring off my finger. My heaven had turned into a nightmare. He had been cheating on me behind my back. And, even now, after almost thirty years apart, my heart still has moments when I think of him and wonder if he ever thinks of me. First love, true love, powerful....it will always leave me wondering what if.....

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      6 years ago from sunny Florida

      My first 'real' love love was my husband. I had lead a very sheltered life. So when it ended it was tres difficile...for years and years. Then a most wondrous person walked into my life and I have not looked back since. This is well expressed and nails so many important reasons why we stumble along when that love ends. Angels are on the way this morning. ps

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