Why Can't I Forget My First Love?

Updated on December 18, 2018
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Hi! I love writing about relationships, love, romance, and flirting. I hope you find the advice in my articles useful.

Your first love will always have a special place in your heart.
Your first love will always have a special place in your heart. | Source

Why is it so hard to forget your first love? Your first love is special because it is the most innocent and pure form of love. No matter how hard you try, you will never stop missing your first love.

Boyfriends and girlfriends in a loving relationship for the first time will forever remember the hugs, cuddles, sweet whispers, long drives, late night conversations, and romantic strolls they had together. Find out why the beautiful memories of this once-in-a-lifetime experience will linger in your heart and mind for the rest of your life.

1. It's who you experienced intimacy with for the first time.

Ask anyone about the memories of their first kiss, first hug, first cuddle, and the first time they had sex. Their faces will light up with a priceless glow. This happens because experiencing intimacy for the first time gets etched in the memory forever.

Physical intimacy is usually experienced with first crushes and first loves. This is the time when a simple act of holding hands makes you sweat and a romantic hug gives you goosebumps all over your body.

2. It is the most innocent love.

One of the core reasons why your first love is so hard to forget is because it is pure and innocent. People don't fall in love for the first time with expectations or malicious intentions. It is a pure attraction, led by the heart and not the mind.

The beginnings of your first love are free of malice and manipulative behavior. The whole world seems beautiful and life becomes perfect. It is like wearing rose-tinted glasses 24/7, even in your dreams.

This blissful feeling of first love can never be replicated—once innocence is lost on a personal level, it can never be translated in its purest form into another relationship. This is what makes it so special.

Your first love is probably when you first exposed all your insecurities—and it felt good.
Your first love is probably when you first exposed all your insecurities—and it felt good. | Source

3. It exposes your insecurities.

Your first love and first relationship will expose many of the insecurities you never knew about. For example, your first relationship will be the first time you actually realize what it is like to be a jealous girlfriend.

From jealousy to possessiveness to extreme dependence, your first love is when guys and girls realize how matters of the heart can bring even the strongest down to their knees. The memory of being exposed to your own insecurities for the first time will never go away.

4. It's when you thought that love is forever, and you attached all your hopes and dreams to it.

Guys and girls fall into love for the first time without any assumptions because they have never experienced love before. The puppy love effect makes them believe that this love will last forever.

This sense of lasting love makes you attach all your hopes and dreams to your first relationship. It is like wearing a pair of blinders and focusing all your life's attention and goals to just one thing—your love.

This extreme sense of attachment is hard to break away from. Even after a bitter breakup, you will find it impossible to see yourself living your life without your former significant other.

Puppy love makes you feel like your love will last forever.
Puppy love makes you feel like your love will last forever. | Source

5. It's the only time you believe in perfect love.

Your first relationship is when you believe that your love is perfect. Your love knows only one language, that which is spoken by your heart. There are no hang-ups, no complications, and no expectations.

This sense of perfectness creates memories that are hard to forget. No matter how old you get, no matter how mature you become, you will always crave this sort of perfection in your relationships.

Once you move on from your first love, it will be disheartening to realize that you will never be able to recreate this type of love again.

6. It is emotionally intense and euphoric.

The sheer excitement of feeling love for the first time will engrave all the sweet memories in your mind forever. On the flip side, your first love is also extremely emotionally intense. The downer after every little fight and argument is exhausting.

This extreme range of emotional highs and lows make your first love a once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that will never be repeated. This is what makes your first love so powerful and intense.

It felt good to be in a relationship without other responsibilities.
It felt good to be in a relationship without other responsibilities. | Source

7. It is like any other "first."

Your first love is when you let go and take a dive into the unknown. It is like the memories of all other "firsts" in your life, except that this one is much stronger.

Think of how you will never forget the day when you drove a car for the first time and then multiply that euphoria by a thousand times. Even that may be nowhere near the kind of impact your first love will leave on your mind, making it extremely hard to forget.

8. Your first love is carefree—there are no other responsibilities.

Your first love usually occurs at a young age. You have no spiraling credit card debts, mortgage payments, job insecurities, career problems, family issues, social pressure, or anything else that can make you feel like your life is just waiting to burst apart.

This carefree time was probably when you were a budding teenager, fresh into a relationship with your crush. You had no other responsibilities except to do well in class, which gave you all the time in the world to immerse yourself in your love. Basically, your first love was your full-time job.

As you grow older, your life is burdened with many new responsibilities, year after year. You may never get to experience the absolute and carefree experience of falling in love and enjoying each and every moment of it without having other responsibilities lingering over your head.

This is why the memories of your first love will remain on your mind for the rest of your life—you'll never have such a carefree state of mind again.

9. Your first heartbreak feels earth-shattering.

Just like how the euphoria of falling in love is extreme, so is the subsequent heartbreak. This is the first time you will experience what it feels to have your heart broken. This heart-shattering first breakup is amplified into an emotionally terrorizing fireball, including:

  • The agonizing feeling of having your trust broken for the first time
  • The painful sense of regret
  • The haunting feeling of having bared your insecurities to someone for the first time in life
  • The false hope that everything will be okay

10. The memory of your first love is tinged with painful regret.

If love was a poker game, your first love can be described as going all in. Peaking your levels of happiness will weaken your sense of judgment and make it hard to draw boundaries. This makes you do stupid things, including committing too early, putting your hopes into one person, getting intimate even if you are not sure, and more.

All these things snowball into a burden of regret after your first love falls apart. Why did I have sex with such a loser? Why did I trust her with all my heart? Why didn't I see that she was cheating on me? These are just some of the elements of the heart-wrenching regret that ensues after the breakup.


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      Starlight bright 

      2 days ago

      I can’t get you out of my mind, you live there every day.. nothing I do can allow me to forget you. I know you are with someone else but I wonder if you too think of me more often then you admit to say...

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      5 days ago


      You were my first love. So sweet pure and innocent. I fell in love hard. I loved every minute with you. You are the man of my dreams and Im sad we aren't together anymore. Long distance is hard and draining and I did what was best for us at this time. I hope and pray we can be together one day. For now I must accept this decision and try and move on the best I can. You are and always will be my bestfriend. The reason I am the young woman I am today. I thank you for an amazing four years and give you all my love and strength for your new chapter in life.

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      5 days ago


      Its been 9 years after we broke up. We were young and full of life, everything was new and exciting. We had the long night texts, the long walks and the amazing picnics on the farm. We laughed and cried together, and for a moment my life felt complete.

      As with young love, the inevitable came and we broke up. My whole world crashed down, leaving me an empty shell in complete darkness. It caused me to act out and do things with multiple other women that I regret even today but, nothing worked. I was officialy, completely broken, but I still loved you..

      Its been 9 years. I have moved on with my life. But for some reason, I still sometimes miss you, and I relive the pain for a brief moment. Sometimes I stalk your fb profile. Sometimes I wish things could have been different..I have a deep, true love for you even today. You were my first love, but unfortunately also my first heartbreak.

      We havent spoken in years, but I still relive "what if" scenarios, but I always come back to one answer. The same answer that led us to broke up. So yes I am angry at you, because sometimes I still think we were meant to be married..that you were meant to be my wife. I just wish I knew if you sometimes think of me too. I wish I knew if you missed me too.

      I hope you find love, and I hope you do not betray him as you did with me.

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      12 days ago


      its been almost 3 years since our irrational argument. we were ready to go off to college, hopes of moving in together, dreams of a marriage and kids. you were my first love. and as much as I tried to forget you and convince myself otherwise, I still love you. Jung- a word I learned trying to heal. I will always have Jung for you. Knowing what I know now, things would be vastly different. It was a stupid and silly fight. In the end, the problem was not worth losing you over. It'll be your 21st in 2 days and I can't believe I'm not by your side. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I wish we didn't practically hate each other. But in order to hate someone I guess you have had to love them very much. & boy, do I love you. immensely. intensely. Irrevocably. happy birthday my love. im finally letting you go. I wish you happiness and I will always carry a piece of you with me.

      Xo, Len.

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      2 weeks ago

      Haha. So pretty much I’m never gonna get over this or feel how I did with anyone else, and feel miserable forever. Sweet.

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      4 weeks ago

      me and my ex dated for almost 3 months and things were so good in the beggining but a month and a half later things got difficult. i started getting jealous of him being w other girls and its tuff because i love him and i dont wanna loose him, but i did. he broke my heart but having a first means alot to me and i still love him no matter what happens. the past week without him has been hard because hes over me and im not over him. im always thinking about him, every song that comes on about love reminds me about him and it hurts and it tears me apart. no matter what happens my love for him is unbreakable. my family and friends have been trying to help me get over him and nothing has been working cause thats how much i love him. with all of my heart. i hope we still stay as friends and hope things go well between us now and in the future.

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      Saying Goodbye 

      5 weeks ago

      Today I’m saying goodbye in my heart and soul regarding the man that I loved. I’ve been thru a rollercoaster of emotions and I can’t take it anymore. I will shift those feelings of love back to me with a healthy mindset. Will any of us forget our first love? Not a chance but will I forget how painful it is when things turn out not as planned? No so I will get my workout clothes and sneakers on right now and listen to Coldplay Viva la Vida.

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      2 months ago

      This is a letter I wrote to my first love after I found out he died at age 54

      Dear Mike I know you loved me when we were kids and I know I broke your heart but when we got back together you kept telling me you loved me and you made me fall so much in love with you. Then you started leaving me out and I tried to make you jealous by kissing your friends. Im sorry I was a stupid teenage girl getting advice from other teenage girls.

      I remember when you broke up with me. I felt so hurt. It was at the same time my grandpa died and I was so devastated. Then 2 days latter I met my husband and fell in love with him so quickly at age 18.

      When I came back home to our neighborhood I was in the car with my mother and we saw you walking. My mother stopped to give you a ride and I started lelling at her to keep going . I saw you running toward the car smiling but we took off and left you there. Im so sorry I left you on the road. I was so worried my boyfriend would be mad and I didn't want to tell you I was pregnant and not married at the time.

      About 3 years after you broke up with me I saw you at a house. When you saw me walk in the room you pushed the girl you were with off of you. Then I told you I had a baby and a husband and you looked shocked. My husband got jealous and kissed me in front of you. I remember leaving and thinking I would probably never see you again.

      My husband and I became Christians and have lived a great life. I wish I could have talked to you but my marriage was more important and I thought it was wrong to even think about you. I did pray for you but maybe only once or twice because I thought it was wrong to think about you.

      Through the years I would hear negative things about you from friends but that didn't change my feelings for you because even though I love my husband more and I know Gods plan for me was my husband I could not stop caring about you.

      When I saw the obituary I contacted your sister and asked if you knew Jesus. She said you absolutely knew Jesus and that was the best news I could hear. It was like Jesus was telling me I have another friend in heaven . God knows our hearts even when we dont and his love is neverending. He gives us so much more than we deserve and His love is so much greater than we can comprehend.

      I will see you in heaven Mike and I will laugh with you again and we will have great times again and we will see my Jesus together.

      I always thought you and my husband would be great friends and now I know you will be. We will all see Jesus together. Pray for me and my husband

      to do well here on earth and tell Jesus I said thank you and that I love him. Im asking Jesus to give you this letter and I know he will. I Love you forever my friend.

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      2 months ago

      The thing about our first love is that they were sometimes the reason why we become aware with the truth about life. I have done stupid things I never thought that I would. Sometimes when I thought about it, I kinda regret it, but then I realized that maybe it happened because we need to learn something ugly in this world.

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      2 months ago

      I met my first love at 16 - he was 18 and it meant everything. I was far too young and naive to know what I was doing and eventually pushed him away. That was 22 years ago.

      We ran into each other 8 years ago at a wedding and it was as if no time had passed. He emails me sometimes when he’s drunk or lonely (he’s married with 2 sons and I’m single) and tells me how I’m his soulmate and that he regrets breaking my heart. I’m desperately in love with this man and really hope one day our worlds will collide again. I dream and fantasise about him a lot, even though I know it’s incredibly damaging. I miss him so much

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      3 months ago

      I know this feeling painfully too well. Im serious with someone else, but I recently ran into my first love after over 5 years apart and without any contact. I feel like that 16 year old girl again and as though time had stopped and resumed right where we left off. It wasnt a bad break up, we were just young and ill prepared, but my god, I had a feeling I simply cant shake after chatting. Looking into each others eyes proved too much to bare, and we both just sat in bittersweet silence staring at each other and thinking, wishing things were different. This is one of the hardest things I've ever encountered. What do you do when the one who got away never truly wanted to leave and then suddenly comes back? Its just terrifying not knowing if passing this up would mean leaving behind my true soulmate..

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      3 months ago

      So after 20 years of no contact I had the courage to contact the person I loved on his birthday on Facebook. A note of caution to all.. do not do this unless you are ready to open a door you didn’t envision. He seemed shocked and happy to hear from me, and I poured out all my emotions foolishly about how I loved him. After a few chat exchanges, he became cold and standoffish, even to the point of not remembering the lyrics of a song he wrote inspired by me. That felt like a dagger in my heart, and if he honestly couldn’t remember it, it’s fine but it’s the way he came across as very cold and it was hard to imagine he could interact with me like that. I get that what we had was over, but the kindness and love and genuine friendship that we had would be respected, because what we had was beautiful. I immediately signed off and started crying. I don’t want to think that he can be so mean and insensitive but please don’t go there if you aren’t ready for the outcome. A part of me wants to forget him just as he forgot songs he wrote and recorded about me, I am going to try my best to pretend that what we had was just something that Alzheimer’s can eventually do the trick for me in my old age.

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      3 months ago

      Hi, it's a bit crazy but it's been 11 years now. I felt in love at the age of 12 yo. At that age I knew nothing of what was happening but I knew for sure that I've had never been so happy. I was laughing all the time for no reason and had the feeling that nothing else matters on earth. But as we were two young men we thought that what we were doing was wrong and made a pact, that we would never talk to each other ever again. Turns out neither of us is out, still now. I tried to contact him for a drink or something quite a few times every other 2 years but he never answered.. It's been so long, I'm sure we aren't the same as we were 11 years ago but still, I think of him every day and when I don't, I find myself dreaming at night about us when we were kids. I feel like he never really forget neither as he avoid each situation that could bring him close to me like parties or events. What is it that we are so traumatised by this first experience ?

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      Michael B 

      3 months ago

      I identified much with the article. And I identify with many of the comments.

      My first love and I were about 14-years old when we met in church. I was shocked at her attraction to me. We quicky and intensely fell for each other.

      Her mother characterized our relationship as "puppy love." That I wasn't a good boy. This irritated both of us because by the S. and I had already determined what real love is and we had it for one another!

      But pressure against our bond proved to be too much for my adolescent inexperience. I acted out in anger and damaged property. This gave her mother opportunity to say, "See, I told you so!"

      In a short period our union was over, at least physically. She got married. Later, I married, too

      It's been 45 years. I still think of her, sometimes obsessively. Much like I did during the days in our beginning.

      I still love her. As much as I have wanted to contact her over the years, I have refused myself liberty to do so. I have left her to be with her family. I love her that much.

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      3 months ago

      I met my first love in high school. We were 15 and he had a huge crush on one of my best girlfriends. Because of his many failed attempts to win her over, he and I were around each other a lot. Soon feelings started to creep in between us and within a year we were "officially" dating (as official as 16-year-olds can be). It was a brutally beautiful relationship. For the first year and 7 months he had been selling drugs without my knowledge and then one day he stopped showing up to school. He had been arrested and I didn't find out till a week later. I was dumbfounded! Here was the boy I gave my everything to and he wasn't even showing me the real him. He suddenly became a stranger in one day. It was devastating and yet I couldn't let him go. We broke up, of course, but got back together soon after he was released from juvie. I should have never taken him back. He continued to sell behind my back and turned into an addict himself. He cheated on me a lot and treated me badly. In an attempt to make him love me I started doing drugs and hanging around the wrong crowd. This got me kicked out of my house since I had two younger siblings that my mother was trying to protect from me. Soon I started sleeping around on him in an attempt to make him feel the same pain he had delt on me. It was awful on both our ends. He brought out the worst in me and I in him, but yet we kept at it with each other. Our whole story lasted four years until I realized I needed to skip town or risk becoming a full-blown crackhead. Since then I have sobered up, joined the military for four years, and am currently in college one year from my bachelor's degree. I pulled it together, and as far as I can tell he did too. From social media, I see now that he has a daughter and a steady paying job, but he still lives in the town we grew up in. I know it's weird to look up your ex on social media from time to time, but I also know I am not alone in this. I miss him... all the time. The last time we spoke was 8 years ago and I still think about him and what could have happened had we not been such selfish individuals. When our relationship was good, it was really good, but when it was bad, it was awful. The emotional rollercoaster has left me with a forever scar in my heart and in my mind. Yet there are moments when I still wonder what he is doing and if he ever thinks about me. I am too proud to message him because I know it wouldn't be smart and within in myself I feel it would make me look weak. I loved him so deeply and I now know I will never feel that same intensity again with another person. The part that hurts the most is feeling like he was my one and we had met too young, but I will never know if that's true or not.

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      3 months ago

      I don’t agree that the first time you have sex or a kiss is your first love.

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      3 months ago

      I have been in love with my high school sweetheart since when I was 14. Her name is TPW. We have love each other really much like what this article mentioned. But we often have argue leads to breakup when we were both 16. Both of us were hurts and maintaining our ego. Both not will to admit that we still love each others. Now, both of us are married but I am still so deep in love with her. She married and migrated to another country. I know that she happily married with kids and same for me. But I keep reminiscing both of our old love days, since 24 years ago...I was so afraid I will continue to be like this for rest of my life. I hope she felt the same for me, but I don't know to see her suffering. I pray that I have courage to go to my life and continue to love her this way. For all my friends in this post, you are not alone feeling this way. Good to know you all even we all born in diff place and time, but the love feeling is a wonderful give that we will all cherish. I will always love you, TPW. Signing off, Highway.

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      3 months ago

      I have been in love with the same person for 54 years. He is the love of my life and he says I am his, yet we are not together and never have been. Sadly, I still hold out hope. What a tragic waste of a life!! But....”Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all!” Sad, but true. It’s next to impossible to settle for a lesser feeling.

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      3 months ago

      To have that person again. That feeling...

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      4 months ago

      My first love and I met when we were 16, and we were together until just after my 23rd birthday. Our 7 years together were the most manic and passionate of my life. We adopted our two kittens together the year before our breakup, so even though we’ve been separated for 3 years, we see each other every few months (we share custody of our cats...they’re literally our daughters lol don’t judge). I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half now, but my mind so often goes back to the most intense feelings I’ve ever felt for my first love. I hate never feeling like a whole person. Like half of me is missing. I know he loves me; he tells me he knows we’ll end up together forever one day. But I don’t know whether my overwhelming longing for him is just the rosy-tinted-puppy-love glasses effect, or if we’re actually cosmic soulmates. I constantly feel torn and I don’t want to be tormented by these feelings forever.

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      4 months ago

      We had only been together for s little more than 2 (intense) months before we ended things, but we had been flirty, interested and intimate for about half a year in total. A couple of months passed and we dated for about 2 (intense) weeks before it ended badly. This was exactly one year ago. This year, we both have been seeing new people, but we had sex in May and a couple of weeks ago and a little more than a week ago we kissed lots when we were supposed to say bye after a night out with our friends.. Today we talked about us and things that happened this weekend that he did, they hurt me bad. We talked about our kiss and I asked why he did it. He said it was because he wanted to kiss me. He also told me he wouldn’t try and sleep with me again and when I told him to say it all to my face when we were at his door he told me that he doesn’t have any feelings for me. I feel devastated even though I know that we probably wouldn’t work out as a couple after everything that has happened.. It is easier this way, but it feels empty inside me now that we’re over for real, because after everything he has done I have always had hope.. it has always been him and I. He told me that the first girlfriend (me) will always feel special, especially because of our history, but then really tills me he has _no_ feelings for me. I really can’t get why he kissed me and all that, grabbed hold of me when I walked away and kissed me uuuuhhhhhhgghghhghh!! Since almost all of our friends are mutual I’m going to be around him a lot and that really doesn’t help now, especially now that I know nothing will happen between us in any way. Him being with someone else still makes me wanna throw up, excuse me. I guess I have accepted that I will always feel something for that Harry... I hope that some day he will think of me like that as well..

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      4 months ago

      I read thru every single comment here by so many of you, who like myself will never ever forget my true love that is now with a girlfriend half his age. I realize I can’t get over it and I want everyone here to think about something. Feel super lucky that you were able to love this deeply, as it is a gift that some may never experience. You may love again but it will never be like “that one love” that you remember from absolutely no reminder or a song, or just the thought of their voice. We should honor this deep love we had by now bring the best version of ourselves. If when we think of them, we smile, we cry, may it be with living life to the fullest and wishing them well no matter where they are or who they are with. If you really loved them, you will wish them well and hope for the best for them even if you can never be reunited again in this lifetime. I admit it was a bit difficult when I first saw his picture with his current girlfriend but now I only wish him the best and if he is truly happy, you are happy too. True love is not selfish, it is understanding and it is very different of what we may think at the time of loss whether it was your fault or theirs. What is not meant to be, has its own reasons and once again, be grateful and send them a good thought their way every time you think of them. If they deeply loved you too, they will do the same. This wisdom comes with time, and I hope I helped at least one person with my post.

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      4 months ago

      Me and my girlfriend were together for a year. I am quite the fragile person already, so I cried for quite some time until I fell asleep. I woke up and cried again until I fell back asleep. For about a week, I rarely talked because I felt like I didn't have the energy to form words. It still hurts enough to bring me to tears, but I've been using these sad feelings to my advantage. I've embraced them and made sure I understand.

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      5 months ago

      Its been almost 18 yrs now. My feelings of love for her will never change, except that Ive been hurt/broken and its been very confusing for me. Its a struggle everytime I think about whether I love/hate her. Shes been married now and asks to be friends (Pour salt to the wound). I dont want to be friends with her. I can never be friends with someone I love, who loves and cares for another. I miss her dearly.

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      Some guy 

      5 months ago

      I met her in middle school. 12-13 years later and for some reason she will pop up in my head and ill look at some of her photos on social media, and still feel amazed when i see her face. I dont see this going away, its crazy and i sometimes wonder if she thinks of me too. Ive been in many relationships, and am even married now for several years and i hate to say this but i dont think i will ever feel that way again.

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      6 months ago

      We broke up almost 2 years now. But I don't know why there was a sudden sadness and pain i've felt when i heard she got married yesterday..

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      Beautiful Butterfly 

      6 months ago

      It's been a year since I met my love in class. I don't understand why I love him so much. He doesn't understand why he loves me so much. We got pulled apart by my "Best Friend". I kept telling him that it was going to be okay and that we were strong enough to get through this. We broke up and I almost died. On the second to last day of school we started dating again and then I moved.

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      6 months ago

      Dennis I loved you and still do and always will. Our long distance relationship is something that I will never forget, the countless hours as we stayed up talking all night, the sound of your voice haunts me till this day..I miss you Coca

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      6 months ago

      my first love died in a car accident 26 years ago and although we were not together I will never get over her and I will love her until the day I die

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      6 months ago

      My first love was my daughter’s father. I was 20 and he was 31. He left us when our daughter was only 1 year old, to married someone else. All my life was destroyed. Even now 11 years after, I can ‘t be happy. I loved him so much.

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      7 months ago

      Rose, I too destroyed my first love. He was my best friend since 6th grade. He always had my back and was always there to pick me up when I fell. I just wasn't ready. He was too sweet and I decide to try dating him. It was so innocent, so pure at first. Then, I had all this freedom to f#ck things up with. I did just that. I cheated and cheated so many times. Mind you, we were in 7th or 8th grade at this point. Fast forward to July 3rd, 2015. I broke up with him and hurt him the last time. I've regretted it since.

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      7 months ago

      I will admit something here. I destroyed my first love. I was scared of my sexuality and I left them so many times. Their transition from ftm, no surgery, scared me. Everything scared me. I left them so many times. I can never truly be with anyone, because I start dreaming of my first love and I begin to miss them all over again. I regret losing my first love. It was my fault. After I realized what I had done, they were still with me, and I told them to go after another girl that they had liked, that was better for them. I had finally felt a taste of my own medicine when I began to lose (her/him) in the last year of middle school, when my first love had begun to like one of our friends, and I would run off, crying.

      He’s currently happy with one of our male friends, and the last time I tried to talk to my first love, it destroyed me. He told me to never talk to him again, and I’m sort of relieved. He will never fall for someone like me again, but I will always love him. Even now, I am falling out of a relationship, one I will probably break my own heart over. I’m trying so hard to stay in this one, but my sexual confusion, the introduction of my first love back into my life, and the distance between us is a load of problems that I don’t know if our relationship will be able to handle.

      I’ll leave a secret message here, in desperate hope that my first love may read it and know how I feel, even though they deserve so much better. Maybe they will recognize the story, and know who they are. :

      You were my best friend. In 6th grade, I was in love with you, and I didn’t even know it. I was so happy just to hold your hand and run around school. When you got a boyfriend, I was mad at you and had no idea why, and was depressed when you had your heart broken. I held you as you cried on my shoulder in the gymnasium, right by the door, on the last day of school. Over the summer, I thought of you nonstop. On my vacation, I spent so much time looking for the right gift for you, and finally settled on a panda and a dragon necklace. When I seen you at open house for seventh grade, I hugged you so tight.

      In seventh grade, we stayed the night at a friends house. You’ll remember who. I tripped you with a pillow to make our first kiss happen, and then a kid we knew started watching gay porn and getting glow in the dark paint everywhere, only for everyone to cry at the end of the night. Our love bloomed, but I was scared of you. Of commitment. Of everything. I left you so many times, and I’m sorry. You were my everything.

      In 8th grade, we were close but distant. That’s the year I really lost you. I dated our friends, and you liked a few. I got in so much trouble, got sent to the hospital for cutting, and you stood by me. I’m so sorry. I wish you would’ve left then, because maybe I would have had a chance with you. My heart breaks when I hear your name.

      Over the summer between eighth and ninth grade, I had a break down when I tried to write you an apology letter. I realized what I had done, just how bad I had messed up. You still loved me, and I hurt other people to spend my last bit of time with you. I tried to kill myself, because losing you and hurting you more was the scariest thing I could ever imagine. Losing you hurt more than my mom abandoning my family, or what my real parents did to me and my brother and sister.

      “Smile”, I left you in 9th grade because I was tired of hurting you. The last night we spent together, I was so happy to get to hold you, to kiss you, to cook with you, one more time. You are the one person I will never get over.

      The person im with now makes me happy, yes. I hope they leave me and find someone better, because I don’t deserve them. I didn’t even deserve you. I miss you so much everyday, and I just don’t know what to do. I cry over you, and my partner knows that. They know that I still love you, deep down, even though I try to hide it. Every time I talk to you, or see you, I either break down or get a rush. I still love you, so much, and I just wish you still loved me. I’ll never be able to take back what I did, and I know that. You’ll never forgive me and I’ll never forgive myself. Just know, the last time I told you that I love you, I meant it.

    • profile image


      7 months ago

      Large, l don't think I will ever see you again. But just know this, that you were my first love. We were never meant to be I guess...

      I forgive you. Stay blessed.

    • profile image


      7 months ago

      My heart is aching! I have reconnected with my first love! She was 13 and I was 16. Although it has been 45 years ago I have never stopped thinking about her! Now I have a wonderful wife who loves me so much and a person that I would not hurt but I don’t know what to do!

    • profile image


      11 months ago

      I had my break up two years ago... It was my first love so it's fu...g hard to forget the memories.I have suddenly become so mature that I forgot all the spice..all the spark which used to b one of my best quality to flirt with a girl. I hav gone out with girls in these two years but never felt the same so I don't feel like I wud ever b able to feel the same and it makes me yell my heart out...I m just searching for my old love , my old feel .... But I guess I wud nvr b able to...

    • profile image


      11 months ago

      hi guys

      my first love was when i was 8 years ago and i was 14 at that time. yeah it was devastating to watch him leaving and actually it was hell to live without him but after years of stuggle and pain and tears i thought moving on is an option and so i fell in love again second time but this time again same happened........my second boyfriend left me too...so now as per my experiences i can just say that we come alone and we go alone and its stupid to expect somthing from others. So, stop expecting and live your life.

      i know it hurts but its truth. no one cares about anyone in this world.

    • profile image

      Nicole F. 

      13 months ago

      I have not been able to forget my first love. It happened 50 years ago. When I left him, the earth seemed to open to swallow me up. Something is dead in me this day. I broke up because my bad mother influenced me to do so. She was jealous to see that I was in love and happy. My life has been a result of mistakes after. I always think of him and I pray at times that we end our life together.

    • profile image

      Sappu R. 

      15 months ago

      First love like something which can not be forgotten i trully miss my first love and i my story he doesn't like me i like him He is so cute ,handsome and nice in study to and i love his hair style

    • profile image


      21 months ago

      Very well written. The feeling of first love for me was, honestly, like being reborn into the heavens and the euphoria of just thinking about him when he was away from me was pure joy. We were so deeply in love but so young, so innocent...tragedy wasn't very far away. After a whirlwind romance, three years together, wrapped in each other's arms almost constantly, he let me go. I was devastated, broken hearted and my spirit was crushed. I took the engagement ring off my finger. My heaven had turned into a nightmare. He had been cheating on me behind my back. And, even now, after almost thirty years apart, my heart still has moments when I think of him and wonder if he ever thinks of me. First love, true love, powerful....it will always leave me wondering what if.....

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      5 years ago from sunny Florida

      My first 'real' love love was my husband. I had lead a very sheltered life. So when it ended it was tres difficile...for years and years. Then a most wondrous person walked into my life and I have not looked back since. This is well expressed and nails so many important reasons why we stumble along when that love ends. Angels are on the way this morning. ps



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