Dreamworker has known many people in life whose behaviors have caused unnecessary problems and wants to help them.
Knowing when to tell another person that you love them has always been a problem for people in romantic relationships.
Nobody wants to be the one to say it first because doing so can create embarrassing and sometimes damaging situations
- If you say it too soon, you can scare the other person off.
- If you wait too long to say it, you can discourage him or her.
Worse yet is the possibility that you will tell someone you have deep feelings for that you love them only to learn that they don’t feel the same way or that they are unwilling or unable to respond to you in a way that gives you some hope.
It can be extremely embarrassing when this happens, especially if the non responding party is someone you see every day at school, work or in your neighborhood.
Therefore, figuring out whether you should express your feelings and the best time to do so is extremely important.
Experience Is the Best Teacher
Most young people go through a series of “crushes” during their formative years that make them feel as though they are in love.
Many learn the hard way that their feelings are not mutual, but this is just a part of growing up.
Those painful experiences are the very tools that help them when they are older to look for the important clues that people give off that tell them whether they are safe to say those important words or not.
Clues Men Provide
It is very hard for women to know for sure how a man feels about them because many men use love clues to make women they care for them more than they actually do.
- flatter them,
- stay in close contact,
- wine and dine them,
- tell them things that make them feel good about themselves and
- may even indicate that there could be a “future” for the two of them.
Any woman would be lured by such behaviors. Because of this, many let their guards down and may do things with a man that they never intended.
In the heat of these situations, the man may even tell them that he loves them, so they feel safe responding in kind.
However, the real proof of a man’s feelings does not rest in any of the things mentioned here because they basically are only superficial.
The real clues about his feelings are how he treats his partner after she has opened up to him.
- Does he show a willingness to be monogamous with her?
- Is he willing to meet her family?
- Does he continue to help and support her, especially when she is having problems?
- Does he make her feel protected?
- Does he show pride in having her as his woman?
- Is he willing to introduce her to his friends and include her in his activities with them?
If he behaves this way, then he is showing that his feelings are true.
However, as time goes on, if he begins to ask for unusual favors, such as wanting to borrow her car or get her to lend him money or even invest in some scheme he has come up with, he is waving red flags that show he only wants to use and manipulate her.
If he also begins to spend less time with her than in the past, call less often and distance him from her in other ways, he is giving clues that their relationship is not what she thought it might be.
These all are reasons why women must take great care with how they comport themselves with a man they care about.
Time is the real test of true feelings, and they should let a lot of it pass before they give their trust and their love.
To do otherwise can lead to disastrous consequences.
Clues Women Provide
Women are wired a bit differently than men, so they give off clues that can be different than the ones men provide.
At first, most will
- make themselves as attractive as possible,
- play hard to get,
- be mindful of a man’s finances when he takes her out on dates,
- flatter him often and
- try to distance him from her girlfriends to lessen competition.
Once they have become intimate, however, she will begin to pressure him into situations he may not be read for.
This is where a man must be careful because he needs to make sure that her new behaviors are based on love and not just a desire to snare a husband!
When she starts insisting that he do things such as
- spending time only with her,
- looking for engagement rings,
- moving in with her or
- getting to know her family
he needs to be careful because these are behaviors that should occur naturally and not ones a person feels manipulated into doing.
They are not love clues, but rather are red flags that tell him she’s more in love with marriage than with him!
The real clues he should look for are that she
- makes him feel comfortable instead of pressured,
- sticks with him and helps him when problems arise,
- thanks and praises him often for any kindness he shows,
- really listens when he speaks and
- does whatever she can to make him happy.
These deeper feelings and behaviors take time to reveal themselves, but it is only when they do that a man should feel assured that a woman truly loves him.
It is when he knows these things and also feels that he can completely trust and respect her that he should tell her his true feelings.
Love Vs Lust
Active hormones can make people think they love another person, but there is a big difference between love and lust.
People are too quick to use the word love. Doing so creates all sorts of problems for them because unless the really know that love is more than being physically attracted to another person, they can create real misery for themselves in the future.
Recently I saw a story on Facebook about a 99 year old man who walks 6 miles every day to the local hospital to spend each day with his wife. She has a brain tumor, so is not alert. Yet, he still visits her, kisses her, holds her hand, straightens her blankets and pillows and does whatever he can to help her.
The man or woman who will do this for you is the one you should give your love to. It doesn’t matter how rich or poor, famous or common, old or young, healthy or sick this person might be. He or she is worth loving.
So, when you find that special someone who you feel will protect, respect and care for you in bad times as well as good, and when you are sure that this is the case, you will know that you love them and that they will love you back.
Once you are sure of these feelings, you can feel free to tell them you love them because they will already have shown you that they love you, too.
Nothing else will matter.
© 2018 Sondra Rochelle
Sondra Rochelle (author) from USA on September 12, 2018:
dashingscorpio: Well said. Thanks for the clarification.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on September 11, 2018:
If you have to "figure out" how someone feels about you odds are they're not "into you".
Don't make the mistake of emotionally investing in someone during the "infatuation phase" of a new relationship. In the beginning everyone is putting their best foot forward to impress the object of their affection. They don't want to do or say anything which might "blow it". The word "no" is seldom if ever used, conversations and laughter flow easily, cards/gifts are given "just because" and sex is spontaneous and off the charts!
Anyone with limited dating experience is likely to believe they have found their "soulmate".
However people don't reveal their "authentic selves" until after a commitment has been established or emotional investment made. They start to (relax) and feel "safe" that you won't walk away.
Once there has been a major argument or misunderstanding that's when you begin to see what their boundaries and "deal breakers" are. As important as compatibility is it's your differences which will determine if you're "right" for one another.
You can't really be love with someone you don't know.
It takes (time) to truly get to know someone.
Enjoy the "infatuation phase" but don't make the mistake of believing the person has revealed their authentic self because they haven't!