Soothing Truths Regarding Heart-Centered (Twin Flame) Relationships

Updated on October 17, 2017
Holley Hyler profile image

Holley Hyler is a freelance writer and has been published in Adelaide, Buck Off Magazine, Rebelle Society, and The Urban Howl.

The Heart-Centered Relationship

Heart-centered relationships - or heart-centered draws toward a particular person - are becoming very common, in my experience of the world. This is encouraging to see! When a connection is heart-centered:

  • It is intuitive, and perhaps doesn't make much logical sense.
  • The ego takes a back seat. Material status and things that once mattered to you become less important; alternatively, spiritual matters, love, and growth become extremely important!
  • The usual advice that you get from well-meaning friends and family members doesn't seem to apply or doesn't work for you.

It can be difficult to always approach the challenges with the bigger picture in mind, and sometimes, we can forget who we really are. It's especially hard when there is no one in our immediate circle who seems to understand entirely what we are going through. Read on for ways to ground in your truth and approach the relationship with the intention of the highest good of all.

Truth #1: There is Purpose to the Pain

If the idea or experience of "losing" your love did not feel excruciating beyond anything you've ever before felt, you may not have been motivated to seek your own healing or improve your life. Pain serves as a great motivator and helps many meet with their soul purpose, if it is handled productively.

Through the intense triggering that such a connection brings, you may come to realize that you are putting so much pressure on the relationship and on that area of life, all other aspects are suffering. I realized that I was miserable, not just because the relationship I wanted was not showing up in my life, but also because my day-to-day life and my thoughts about it left a lot to be desired. (It is my belief that it is possible for a person who serves as a spiritual catalyst to also be your twin flame, divine love, etc. Deep down, you are the only person who knows the truth and you cannot rely on others to tell you what your connection is.)

There are many possible solutions you can try if you don't enjoy your life. Most of them involve stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things. You may feel a pull to go places you've never been before or do things that the "old you" would never have dreamed to do. Yes, you will encounter fear. As you evolve, the fear doesn't vanish, but you become better at dealing with it.

If this is a true heart connection, your joy will not take you away from it. Your love wants you to create and experience your own joy, not depend upon them for it. When you make someone responsible for your happiness, they feel pressured and you are constantly at risk of losing your joy. It is so very fragile when we place it into another's hands.

Divine Love is Divine Love

No matter what you call them - twin flames, twin souls, unconditional lovers - the premise is the same.
No matter what you call them - twin flames, twin souls, unconditional lovers - the premise is the same. | Source

Truth #2: There is a Reason for the Pull You Feel

This truth becomes especially evident when you learn to stop resisting the situation. In order to stop resisting, you must arrive at acceptance for the following:

  • You have strong feelings for this person, even if they don't seem to feel the same, or don't demonstrate physically that they feel the same.
  • Neither walking away, nor attempts at control, nor this person (unwittingly) hurting you again and again can make your feelings go away.
  • You do not need to be in a relationship with the person to lead a purposeful, joyful life.
  • This is not about not being in a relationship with them, either. This is not a black-or-white story.

Perhaps you've seen that no matter what you do - whether that's dating others, taking a break from romance, focusing on your career, writing your novel, traveling the world, moving to another state or country - this heart connection shows up in your thoughts on a regular basis. You cannot simply "make yourself" stop thinking about it. You cannot control your thoughts, although you can control how you act upon them.

If something shows up in your mind repeatedly over time, have you considered that maybe it is supposed to show up?

When we first recognize these connections, yes, a great deal of it is about healing. It is about us being triggered by the other in order to come to a greater state of love. However, it is also about enjoyment! It is about passion. It is about co-creating with another in love. You would not feel this continued pull if the purpose were only healing one or two specific wounds. You and this person have this bond because you have more in common than what may be obvious, and you are meant to journey together in love. You must be open to how the journey may look and what it may mean.

By contrast, you've also had connections where a person or relationship was solely there to help you heal something specific. Once this was accomplished and the lesson was learned, the person likely gravitated out of your experience, or you may still be in contact but not like you used to be. Certainly, you will not think of this person as much as you think of your love.

Don't Resist the Pull

The pull is there because it is supposed to be. Nothing has gone wrong here.
The pull is there because it is supposed to be. Nothing has gone wrong here. | Source

Truth #3: Everything Unfolds With Purpose

The events of your relationship with your love unfold with stunning genius. I look back and see how certain conversations with him were held at exactly the right time, how special events would never have come to be if not for those conversations and everything aligning from my state of healing and love. Even the most painful conversations that kept me awake and crying at night set the stage for future events, but I could only see the reason for them in hindsight. I could not plan any of it. I could not see anything coming before it happened. I had my will, my hope, how I thought things would happen, but none of that came to be. Yet, what occurred was still perfection.

You must get into the habit of affirming, "Nothing has gone wrong here." If it were easy, everyone would do it. This journey is also about faith. You have to trust that, while you cannot see the point of your feelings sometimes, they are a compass that is guiding you to your truest version of self, your path, and your purpose. Perhaps your intense depression at not being with your love causes you to seek a new healing method, and you eventually train yourself in the healing method in order to help yourself and others. Then this becomes your primary source of income. Or perhaps you are meant to write a best-selling romance novel with what you have experienced and learned in your connection. Perhaps you use the experience to become a songwriter. These are not things you can plan ahead of time - instead, they unfold, purposefully, with passion.

Being together with your love is not the only reason you feel such a strong pull toward them. It connects with your purpose somehow, but again, only you know how. If you seek psychic advice to understand more, they may be able to breach the surface, but they cannot tell you everything because your soul truths are meant to be discovered by you. They are beautiful gifts meant only for you to unwrap.

Let Love Be

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi | Source

Truth #4: Resisting Nothing is the Shortcut to Joy

Resistance is fear-based and can take many forms. Whenever you feel that things should be other than what they are, you are resisting. Let's say that your love tells you they are already in a relationship, and your mind begins devising all the ways their relationship could fall apart or you feel you must do something to steer events a certain way, lest you lose your love for good. That is resistance. There is an intention behind everything you do, and when the intention is set in fear, your counterpart will be able to intuit that even if they do not state it directly. We are energetic beings, and all of us have the ability to pick up on the energy of another. These energies that we sense can attract or repel us.

This does not mean to just give up and resign yourself to a lonely life without your counterpart and devoid of passion. Being in a state of surrender is a result of healing and is much more powerful than simply giving up and resigning to what is unwanted. Surrender means that you understand and accept the above truths about purpose and divine planning/timing. It means you have faith that, even when you cannot perceive it, events are unfolding exactly as they should and you are being guided to all the right places and people.

It is also possible for you to resist your soul's calling. When that soft voice inside you tells you to go to a Reiki class or get a mediumship reading, how do you answer it? Do you follow through, or do you decide there's no point or it's too risky? Excuses can come in many forms: "I'm too tired." "It's a long drive." "Work was really busy today." "It costs money." Be wary of these.

Sometimes your intuition is going to ask things of you that seem silly or crazy. If you resist, you can make the path to your joy much longer and more arduous than it needs to be.

Truth #5: You Cannot Truly Lose Your Love

Once you recognize this truth in particular, you will have a much easier time with the last point about resistance. This is not only a truth regarding your heart connection, but everyone else in your life that needs to be there - parents, siblings, friends, soulmates...

Relationships go through phases. I have experienced this with every relationship in my life, no exceptions. I have had times where I spoke to my sister every day, and then weeks where we didn't talk at all. One of my close friends and I did not speak at all for almost a year, and when we did get in contact again, it was as though we had not been apart a single day. With some connections, you pick up right where you left off, no matter what. It is the same with you and your true twin. The quiet phases can be difficult, but they exist because you need to create your own joy without the cushion of the other person being there. I have found that the quiet times are also times of "leveling up," of learning to be in a new way and consequently communicating in a new way. When you come back together with your love, you find that the bond is stronger and perhaps more intimate than it was previously. Perhaps you feel led to share things that previously you never would have shared, or your counterpart shares in a new way with you.

When you realize this love cannot be lost, even if it is not manifesting in the way other relationships seem to, you rest easier and connect more deeply in your authenticity instead of your fear. So, what would you do if you knew your counterpart would be with you forever, in spirit if not in body? What would you do if you realized that separation is only an illusion? Think on that, and then do whatever it is that comes to your heart first. No need to over think it.


It is my hope that, through this article, I managed to shed some light on your journey and helped you come to a deeper understanding of it. Ultimately, you are where you are supposed to be, and nothing has gone wrong here. There is nothing wrong with feeling deeply and loving unconditionally. You have the ability to stand in your power, remember who you are, and handle the situation with integrity, love, and joy, no matter what the circumstances are.

Questions & Answers

    © 2017 Holley Hyler


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      • Holley Hyler profile image

        Holley Hyler 6 months ago

        In my opinion, the ease of overcoming the pain would depend on the wounding the person has experienced and how far along they are in their healing. I think most twins have incarnated into difficult earthly situations, but the magnitude of strife can differ from one person to the next. And I do believe in free will and that we all have the ability to choose whether to pursue healing or not. This is a good question! Thank you for reading!

      • mackyi profile image

        I.W. McFarlane 6 months ago from Philadelphia

        Very interesting article! However, I would like to pose one thought provoking question, what is it that makes it somewhat easier for some to overcome the pain than others?