My 25 Favorite Quotes on Sex, Love, and Marriage

Updated on January 4, 2017
Maggie Smith
Maggie Smith

We're all interested in it, we all talk about it, we all feel awkward at times about it.... why not laugh about it? Here's some of my favorite quotations about sex and love.

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. -- George Carliin

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? -- Lily Tomlin

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed. -- Albert Einstein

I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading -- Anonymous

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker -- Woody Allen

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.—Billy Crystal

When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always –- Rita Rudner

A man's only as old as the woman he feels – Groucho Marx

Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. – Gore Vidal

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own -- Woody Allen

The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it. --- Shirley MacLaine

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. – Steve Martin

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands --Jacques Languirand

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither! – Drew Carey

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.— Mae West

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.--- Richard Lewis

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. – Ben Franklin

I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal - high enough so you can look up her dress – Steve Martin

There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed – George Burns

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. – Milton Berle

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. – Roseanne Barr

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on – Marilyn Monroe

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
-- Mignon McLaughlin

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. ---Charles M Schulz


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    • profile image

      gloria 6 years ago

      while is like it

    • elisabethkcmo profile image

      elisabethkcmo 6 years ago from Just East of Oz

      thanks, 4tune! I think I'll read this hub again myself!

    • 4tune profile image

      4tune 6 years ago from Michigan

      Ohh think I will have a piece of chocolate now : ) Funny stuff here.

    • profile image

      Srinivasan Rajaram 7 years ago


    • elisabethkcmo profile image

      elisabethkcmo 8 years ago from Just East of Oz

      tomdhum, thanks from dorothy and toto too!


    • tomdhum profile image

      tomdhum 8 years ago from memphis tn

      LOL tomdhum

    • elisabethkcmo profile image

      elisabethkcmo 8 years ago from Just East of Oz

      Hello, Kosmo, thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

    • Kosmo profile image

      Kelley 8 years ago from California

      I particularly like the Woody Allen quotes. He's always quick with the bon mots, especially regarding sex. Later!

    • elisabethkcmo profile image

      elisabethkcmo 8 years ago from Just East of Oz

      Why thanks Helen, I'm glad that this hub gave you a chuckle!!

    • Helen Cater profile image

      Helen Cater 8 years ago from UK

      Very funny and nice pics.

    • elisabethkcmo profile image

      elisabethkcmo 8 years ago from Just East of Oz

      glad you enjoyed these quotes, arunjain ,and thank you for your kind words in fan mail!

    • arunjain1989 profile image

      arunjain1989 8 years ago from mumbai

      I enjoyed raeding every quote of yours.Good collection.thumbs up for this hub.

    • elisabethkcmo profile image

      elisabethkcmo 8 years ago from Just East of Oz

      It's a pleasure some of those things I enjoy..

      thanks paul b and Uninvited Writer..

    • Uninvited Writer profile image

      Susan Keeping 8 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

      Lol, great quotes :) I liked Rita Rudner's and George Carlin's best :)

    • paul b profile image

      Paul Bail 8 years ago from Massachusetts

      I've always loved quotations. You've put together a nice collection, starting with the "Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth." LOL

    • elisabethkcmo profile image

      elisabethkcmo 8 years ago from Just East of Oz

      Thanks for visiting my hub house again, I'm honored that you enjoyed my quote collection!

      Loved the quote, maven.

      Enjoy your diet of sex, beer, and chocolate, Jaspal, save room for pizza

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      Keith S 8 years ago

      Again, good stuff. Keep up the creative hubs.

    • maven101 profile image

      maven101 8 years ago from Northern Arizona

      Haw !! Loved these quotes...I almost choked on my coffee reading Roseanne's quote...

      My favorite marriage quote is from Agatha Christie. When someone remarked to Agatha about her being 15 years older than her husband Max Mallowan, the archaeologist, she said " The older I get, the more interesting I am to him! ”. ...Larry

    • Jaspal profile image

      Jaspal 8 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Great quotes! I'll opt for sex, beer and chocolate ... :)