Lessons I Learned From Love
In love, we do not make mistakes but we do learn lessons. After my recent breakup, I learned this the hard way. I could have gone over what happened, thought about what I should have done differently, and blamed myself everyday but this would have only prolonged my pain and moving-on process. Instead, I reflected on my mistakes, made peace with myself, and stopped blaming myself.
After all that's been said and done, I don't have regrets. I only have the lessons I learned in love which I listed down here.
Love is less of a feeling but more of a choice. At first, love could be all about having butterflies when we see the person we love. This usually happens during the infatuation phase. But when we start to really love someone, when things are getting difficult and when we see their imperfections, love is about making a choice to be with that person everyday. Love is the reason why we accept someone and why we continue to love someone despite his or her flaws.
Love can never and should never be forced. Sometimes when we are enamored of someone, we want him or her to love us in return. The more someone pulls away, the more we try to win him or her over. But love does not work that way. A forced love will never be worth it because we will only lose ourselves by trying hard to make someone love us. This is not the kind of love we deserve. Likewise, we don't need to please someone for him or her to see how good we are. No one is worth begging for.
We accept the love we think we deserve. Just because we love someone, it doesn't mean that he or she can disrespect, lie, or cheat. And just because we love someone so much, it doesn't mean that he or she is the right person for us. We deserve the kind of love that is built on honesty, respect and trust. We know that we have found the right person if he or she knows our worth and cares about us and has our best interests as his or her priority.
We cannot love someone truly without loving ourselves. This is mother of all love clichès. Some people take this lesson lightly but the truth is, if we don't love ourselves enough, we act insecurely and we accept less than what we deserve. Our love and respect for ourselves set the kind of love and respect we receive from our significant others. Likewise, our relationship with ourselves is the only relationship that will last in our entire lifetime and it is more important than any relationship that we could have with someone else.
We don't have to change ourselves for someone to like us. No matter how much we want to change for someone, it will never work out. We need someone who will appreciate our great qualities and accept our flaws. We are perfectly fine with just being ourselves and we have to believe that the person who deserves us will see it. The right person will realize that we are imperfect but will still love us anyway.
Despite all the setbacks and heartbreaks, there are lessons that will help us be stronger and better. Instead of seeking revenge or moping over the things that we cannot change, we have to be grateful for these challenges as they will reveal that we are deserving of something better, happier, and more beautiful.