Tamara Wilhite is a technical writer, industrial engineer, mother of two, and published sci-fi and horror author.
The media and fairy tales equate beauty with goodness, life, truth and every good trait. The plain girls don't find love until dressed up and dolled up, the boys don't find love until converted from beast to prince. What about the real world? Can ugly people find true love?
Yes, and Here is How
This article is in response to someone asking, “Do ugly people ever find true love?”
Here is the reason I think they can - and will do so in ever greater numbers.
In an increasingly connected world, assortive mating is taking place. While a man with a MENSA qualifying IQ previously married a school teacher or secretary of average to above average IQ, he can now find someone in an expanded geographic area or social group to date and eventually marry. The high IQ population is increasingly finding others of the same IQ level to socialize with and eventually love, marry and form families with.
This trend can be approximated by the trend toward those of the same income level and education level marrying. Whereas a hundred years ago a man with a college degree (one of the top 10%) would marry a high school graduate, now he will overwhelmingly marry a woman with a college degree. Doctorate might lower expectations and marry a bachelor’s degree holder, but they rarely marry mere high school graduates – and almost never a high school drop out.
Assortative mating is also occurring relative to appearance or beauty. It was not uncommon for the head of the football team to date the head of the cheerleading squad or the two heads of academic clubs to date. The most beautiful did not always date each other, but they tended to do so. Yet the most beautiful girl might go for the richest man’s son or best athlete instead, regardless of his attractiveness, in order to remain high in the social structure. Now she can search for dates on social networks and find someone is ranks high in both social structure and appearance. There is an instinctive preference for the attractive. Yet the wide selection of potential partners is driving us to find our closest matches. We are marrying those more like ourselves in terms of education and intelligence, political views, personal interests – and looks.
When dating websites first appeared, they put the pictures of beautiful people up first. New websites were created that were for “beautiful people only”, accelerating the sorting trend of beauty to beauty bonding. Now dating websites are shifting to attractive but approachable people on the websites, so that everyone else feels like they have a chance at finding love. What does this trend mean for the less attractive?
Love and companionship are human cravings, regardless of appearance. Where there is demand, there will be a supply. For those who are less attractive, instead of merely hooking up with the remaining person in a bar or yearning for the one person like you in a community, there are websites for those who are aesthetically challenged. For example, the UK has both theuglybugball.com and uglydatingsite.com. Those who cannot find someone who will accept them as they are within their own social circle can now reach out through online dating websites can find someone special, too. Another segment of society receives a customized solution, in this case, assortative mating for the less attractive.
The less attractive have always had the potential to find love. With a broad world wide web and new websites that cater to them, they will increasingly find it, too.
Questions & Answers
Question: Do nice ugly men ever get any nice beautiful looking girl that will love him because he is a good kind loving fun guy?
Answer: There are photo galleries of beautiful young women marrying older, unattractive men because he had money and/or status. The security that provided offset the unattractiveness.
There are immature and shallow women who will only go with a guy if he's attractive, average but fun, or he is essentially bribing her.
More mature, decent women are generally long-term looking for a loyal husband, protector, and provider.
Your best chance for success? Ignore "beautiful" and "ugly" and focus on what you can offer to women who don't care about looks. Then you can both be happy.
Tamara Wilhite (author) from Fort Worth, Texas on October 20, 2017:
ahorseback Thank you for the compliment.
ahorseback on May 09, 2013:
The truest beauty is when you see someone for the natural lighthouse that they are , blinding all else ! It must be actually harder for a physical beauty to recognize true , true love ! Man or woman , So many times I have noticed the internal light before the outer appearance ! Awesome hub !.......ED
Laura Tykarski from Pittsburgh PA on February 06, 2013:
I really likes how you broke it down in this hub. As an older woman I have realized surface beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. When I am sitting in my rocking-chair wrinkled and plainer than I am now hopefully my companion will be a good-thinker not a good-looker.
Khal Blogo from A gas station on the yellow brick road on April 17, 2012:
You're the first person to make a hub as a response to one of my questions:) thanks! Voted up and interesting.
Anjili from planet earth, a humanoid on April 11, 2012:
The body is the vehicle that transports the real person (Soul, spirit). The body can be deceptively cute. Thanks be to God in that beauty is skin deep. I've met many beautiful people who have no character. I prefer inner beauty, it is more permanent.
cinea-chan on April 09, 2012:
Aside from that, beauty is subjective. While one person might not even categorize him or herself as beautiful and there seems to be something of a consensus on the matter, it doesn't mean that they're "ugly" to -everyone-. Even if their soul mate didn't consider them extremely attractive, they could still find a love more real than most loves (as in, the love shared by those who are more frequently deemed "beautiful"). Those who are graced with the more universal idea of beauty will have an easier time finding willing partners, but it will be harder for them to know if it's true love because part of their appeal might be based solely in their attractiveness. Whereas those who are "ugly" will be loved completely for who they are, thereby having the truer love.
jirel from Philippines on April 08, 2012:
I think that if a person is really good from heart, they can still find true love.In fact , I've even written a hub about the importance of inner beauty.I would always choose to marry a good guy rather than a jerk even if he looks better.
jaswinder64 from Toronto, Canada. on April 08, 2012:
I like the way you answered to question, that Do ugly people ever find true love? I think love doesn't see beauty and other person's appearance. So ugly people can find true love.
Tamara Wilhite (author) from Fort Worth, Texas on April 07, 2012:
I agree. That is why I wrote the hub in response to someone who assumed that only the beautiful can find love. They're wrong - everyone can find love, and new online sites for that demographic can help them do so.