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Women Want an Alpha Male

Women often say that the thing they look for most in a man is confidence. There is a reason for this and it goes hand-in-hand with another fact: women want a muscular man (oftentimes lean,) with a square jaw and broad shoulders. At first these two concepts seem somewhat contradictory – does a woman want a man with confidence or a man with a chiseled physique? Is it all in the looks or does it boil down to taking charge?

Before we look into why the fairer sex desires what they do, let's look at what separates them from the rest of us knuckle-dragging cavemen.

Men are far more straight-forward because we have a more basic primal desire. Our inherent attraction is to the best mate, or more importantly, the one who can produce and provide for offspring. That is why men value curves on a woman. Breasts mean plentiful amounts of milk for the child. A large rear means greater birthing hips and a better fit for having our children. It is all primitive attraction and it all makes sense. Why else are pornographic stars molded and silicone'd in such a way to over-inflate these features to the point of making men just about die from desire? Because the biological need within us to procreate (affectionately referred to as ‘busting one’ nowadays) is triggered to the utmost extreme when we see the perfect combination for child-rearing. That all sounds incredibly sexist but I dare anyone to attempt to refute why men find these things not necessarily attractive but desirable.

Women are more likely to find this man attractive, not only because he is muscular and strong, but also because he looks like he's ready to fight and protect.

Women are more likely to find this man attractive, not only because he is muscular and strong, but also because he looks like he's ready to fight and protect.

Women, however, are a bit deeper than that. They don’t just want a man’s body for procreation purposes. Granted, there would be a part of the woman’s psyche that sees a bigger man and wants to create stronger, healthier children based on this . . . but that isn’t her primary concern or desire. No, a woman looks for a man that exudes strength and confidence because she is inherently looking for a strong protector and provider. She wants an Alpha male. Hear me out.

You see, women don’t need men in order to survive in today’s world near as much as in the past. We have laws, police, criminal justice, more interconnected communities, recording devices, etc. that all work to keep women far more protected than they were, say, 600 years ago. Back then, if the neighboring tribe or country decided they wanted your land, property, and people, women were far more inclined to need the protection of strong men. I’ll be honest if you’re willing to be honest – women are not as strong or physically equipped like men. No matter what Hollywood says, 99% of the time, a woman will lose in a fight with a man – especially if the men are life-long, trained warriors and/or soldiers. So, naturally, the women would desire the biggest, strongest men to care for them.

But it’s about more than just strength. A dumb ox has strength. It is also about confidence, smarts, and cunning. Women find all of these things equally attractive because they still all lead to the same thing: their protection. A man who can outwit others doesn’t have to be a bronze statue. If a man is a decisive strategist, a woman will find that just as attractive as a man who is lacking but strong. Please tell me I’m wrong because it sure doesn’t feel that way. Hell, some women are probably reading this and finding me attractive just for speaking with clarity and strong resolve. And now they like me even more for saying that, too.

Not attractive.

Not attractive.

The point is, the reason we find certain traits desirable is because they hold very basic, self-serving functions. Women do not want an ignorant weakling any more than men want a blob. They want an alpha male – a man who makes strong decisions, is not afraid to fight for what he believes in, and let’s no other man walk on top of him. Women love that.

Some women take this too far, of course, and confuse a man’s cocky, ‘treat-you-like-garbage’ attitude as strong confidence and protection . . . as in ‘this man is SO confident that he doesn’t need anything, including me!’ This speaks to a separate portion of the female psyche that sees neediness as a sign of weakness (and therefore a trait of a ‘beta male,’ not an ‘alpha male.’) Too much love and affection from a man signals his reliance on the woman more than the other way around – a total turn off. That is why you never tell a woman that you need her. Never tell her that you can’t live without her. Tell her that you love her or that you’d kill for her but leave it at that.

But the opposite of neediness is needlessness, or rejection. This is not the same as a loving adoration without need . . . this is straight up ‘I don’t love you and only need you for sex.’ Clear your brain, ladies, and get away from scumbags who can’t differentiate ‘needing a woman’ from ‘loving a woman without clinging to her.’ These men aren’t protectors. They aren’t even men. They are just human that have the innate capability to be men but choose not to.

So the next time you see a short but physically fit man, looking down at the ground and too timid to speak up for himself, ask yourself why that is so unattractive. Likewise, ask yourself why the guy with a little weight around the equator but the biting wit and confidence to ask for whatever he wants turns you on.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2017 Mr-Mediocre


mustangman1 on December 25, 2019:

Here is a story that matches your story only in more detail. It is a long but good read and shows women's dual dating game.

Here is another

Where Did All The Good Men Go?

Satire by AldenHamil

Read More From Pairedlife

I am a woman of Generation Y, and I've just turned 29 years old. I've been looking for Mr. Right since I was 26 and there's one little problem I keep running into: There are no Mr. Rights lining up to marry me! I know I'm not alone here, because I've seen plenty of articles on the Internet about women just like me having the same problem. I really don't know what's wrong with me, and why men aren't more interested in me.

I'll admit... I've made some mistakes. Like most women of my generation, I grew up being taught that I could do anything I wanted, and that there'd never be consequences for my actions. I was always taught that I deserved the world, and that my entire life would fall into perfect harmony any time I wanted it to, including marriage, promptly by the age of 30. You see, being taught these notions as a little girl, I decided to do what most of my girlfriends did: once I got out of high school, I spent the next ten years "finding myself" by spending all of my free time chain-smoking cigarettes and getting drunk in bars and clubs. There were many men I got involved with during this period of my life. None of them were the wholesome kind of men you could build a life with, but I didn't care. I wanted action. I wanted excitement and drama. I knew those men never cared about me and only wanted sex, but I gave it to them anyway. Some of them hit me, and a few smashed in my car windows, but whatever.

There were a few really great men who came into and out of my life during this period, usually from outside the bar scene. They were men who really cared about me, who were concerned for my well-being, and who did the little special things to let me know they cared, but I ignored them. I did, I'll admit it. Every man who came into my life who displayed these positive traits - the kind of traits that could have led to stability and happiness - I rejected. I found them boring. Honestly, I was having too much fun with my lifestyle to ever take notice of the men who actually treated me like a human being. I was addicted to promiscuous sex with bad boys who never loved me. Most of my girlfriends were the same way. Why settle for a good man before you have to, right?!

Now I'm 29 years old. I only drink on the weekends, and I've curbed my smoking somewhat, but it's taken a real toll on my body. My looks are fading, and my biological clock is ticking. I am a single mother of one child born out of wedlock to an abusive, no-good father who never loved me or even had a relationship with me. Not that I wanted a relationship - he was just some guy I met in a bar and I liked how he talked to me like I was dirt. What can I say, it made me hot. He's currently in prison for armed robbery, so he's not coming back for another eleven years.

I guess it helps to know that I'm not alone in this. Nearly all of my girlfriends made the same decisions I made, and we're all having trouble landing quality, marriage-minded men now that we're getting older. Where did all of those good men go? Didn't they realize that all we needed was a decade of promiscuous, no-strings-attached sex with non-committed, low quality men, after which we'd be ready to "settle" for a decent, stable man and a house with a white picket fence?

I mean what gives? I'm done chasing bad boys and now I feel like I deserve to have a kind and hard-working man to come and marry me and be a good provider and father to my son. I don't care what he looks like as long as he's over 6 feet tall, makes good money, doesn't have kids, hasn't ever been married, has a nice car, has his own house, is planning for the future, is confident, funny, independent (but not too independent), fashionable, suave, educated, cultured, and wants to treat me like the amazing, special person that I am. Is that really too much to ask? Why can I not find a man like this? Where did all the good men go?


The Women of Generation Y

Smarmy2 on November 08, 2017:

They see the "bad boy" as being a "challenge", a "mystery", and more often than not "exciting". However after multiple heartaches women gradually seek out a "nice guy". Thus the adage: "Nice guys finish last."

So when women are most attractive (20's) they sleep with a bunch of bad boys who are also sleeping around. They get abused by the Alpha jerk and as they age (hit the wall) they decide they want the guy who has his act together (financially) and won't screw around on them.

The question though is why the nice guy who has his act together would want these used up women who wouldn't give him the time of day 10 years before?

A lot of men look at these women and say "Your sexual attraction has dropped, you probably have an STI and you are just looking for a meal ticket." I'm not a consolation prise, you made your bed....


" I wanted a family , my own family. I don't want to raise Mr Bad Boys children."

Pick a good guy when you are young, be as good to him as he is to you or be a single mom with an STI and zero chance for a long term relationship.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on February 16, 2017:

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Go to any public place, movie theatre, mall, park, beach, grocery store, amusement park, or church and you'll all types of women with all types of men. Having said that in the U.S. (money), (success), and (fame) cannot be overlooked either.

There are lots of beautiful women who will gravitate to men who are far being the typical macho alpha male if they financially well off.

Most of these tech billionaire guys use to get beat up in high school. Essentially they were the book nerds sitting on the sidelines watching the captain of the football team date the hot cheerleader who wouldn't give a geek the time of day! However: "Money changes everything". :)

Having said that I do believe most people are attracted somewhat to their opposite. We also have to contend with our upbringing regarding gender expectations as well. Some girls also go through a "bad boy" phase where they think they can "tame" or "change" him with love and time.

They see the "bad boy" as being a "challenge", a "mystery", and more often than not "exciting". However after multiple heartaches women gradually seek out a "nice guy". Thus the adage: "Nice guys finish last."

For most of our youth as guys we're really about just hooking up and having sex with hot looking women. We have no desire to get married and start a family before the age of 30 in most instances.

Therefore odds are high that most women in their teens and 20s dating guys in their same age range will end up hurt if they believe those relationships will lead to marriage.

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