Why Not Choose Love?

Updated on May 4, 2017
The Polyamory Flag
The Polyamory Flag

So it seems you’re undergoing the same journey I went on the last couple of years. You're in a relationship, you love your partner, but you’re also falling for someone else. I bet you’re feeling confused or maybe even a little disgusted at yourself? Well I'm here to say you don't have to be.

See, the reason you're feeling like this is because society says you have to.

A Brief History

In ancient Briton and most of Europe, polyamorous relationships were normal and well accepted in society. In the UK, bigamy (the act of a man having multiple marriages with or without the knowledge of the involved parties) was outlawed in 1604 and has remained an offence right through until today. To examine a little of the history behind this, it was outlawed because it was seen many men took this as an opportunity, as divorce followed by remarriage was illegal. As such many men took advantage of a legal loophole, and married a second time without divorcing. The original intent of disallowing divorce followed by remarriage was of course a construct by the church to keep things within their moral guidelines. Remember, this was a time when the church was very much in control of people's lives and society as a whole. Had men been able to divorce then remarry, this situation would never have arisen.

As we know, things that were made law, tend to stay law unless there is mass public outcry. Sadly, the church's teachings of one man one woman have stuck with us, even in a time where the church's influence wanes and society becomes much more accepting. Fast forward to today, and look at our modern day society. You can get married and divorced practically same day. Wedding ceremonies are affairs of social standing and displays of wealth. You can even attend a drive through wedding. Things have most definitely changed. But that's because the majority wanted in. Polyamorous people are not a majority in UK society, and likely never will be. The only societies which embrace polyamorous relationships are Islamic societies, and unfortunately Western Culture rejects anything of Islamic origin as foreign and wrong (with obvious liberal exceptions). Thankfully, though it is not legal for polyamorous groups to marry, we are at least allowed to exist and don't face mass outcry in public.

Looking to the Future

So the reason we think it's wrong, is because society has told us too for hundreds of years. It takes a lot of time to undo that kind of damage and change even our own opinions. Had someone told me when I was younger that I'd be in a relationship with two amazing guys, I'd have laughed them away and never have thought more of it. I only ever sought one partner, the one who I would live my life with. Three years into my relationship with the one, as a total shock to myself, I found the one again. The man who gives me butterflies every time I look at him, the one who I can't stop thinking about, and the man I intend on spending my life with. Imagine my confusion, in love with two people at the same time.

Now, I was very lucky in that my current partner felt the same way about this new guy as I did, and he liked both of us very much. I won't lie, this is a bit of a goldilocks situation, but this article isn't about explaining how to find and start a polyamorous relationship as that is complicated and differs in every situation. What I'm trying to help you with is to understand that if you’ve encountered this situation, you don't have to listen to society or what you've been preprogrammed to do.

You Control Yourself

You only have to do what you want to do, because you are what matters. Love is love, is a phrase that is batted around often these days. You see it on t-shirts, in songs and on billboards. That's because it's true. Why does it matter if it's between a man and woman, or man and man, or even man and man and man? If you are capable of loving more than one person, congratulations. You shouldn't feel guilty or be punished. This is the start of something incredible. Sure, you open yourself to the risk of being doubly hurt, but you can also experience more happiness than you will in your entire life.

If you take away one thing from reading today, let it be this: always be true to yourself. Don't reject a part of who you are because a brainwashed society tells you it's wrong. You make yourself happy, and if anyone says otherwise, pity them as they are restricted not by the boundaries of their hearts and minds, but invisible boundaries set by people who died many generations ago.

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