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Why Am I Not Accepted by My LGBTQ Peers?

Updated on March 08, 2017

Growing up, most LGBT individuals will have heard the saying ‘It gets better’. It has become somewhat a cliché term that we now use, as a way of coping with the negativity we feel at the time regarding our sexual orientation and promising ourselves that acceptance is just around the corner. But what happens when we aren’t accepted?

Now don’t get me wrong, I have lots of friends, but it has only dawned on me recently that none of my close friends are Gay, Bisexual or Transgendered Men and very few of them Gay, Bisexual or Transgendered Women. The majority of my friends identify themselves within the heterosexual section of their sex, and it would appear that I seem to have no friends within the community who identify themselves in the same way that I do.

I don’t really understand why. I find making friends a walk in the park and find it just as easy to talk to all sorts of people in all different types of environments. But any interaction I have had with a gay, bisexual or transgendered male, seems to be quite blunt. Often I am ignored by them, and on several occasions, I am just left mid-way through a conversation because someone more interesting has presented themselves. It’s as if the LGBTQ community is trying to distance itself from me, and as hard as I have tried, I can’t think of a reason why they would want to do this.

It is most evident when you analyse my University. Now I attend an institution where over 60% of the students are female and being a ‘creative university’ without trying to be stereotypical, a large amount of the males who attend identify as being part of the LGBTQ community. So I should be able to find LGBTQ guys to be friends with right? Wrong. Looking in from the outside, it is as if all the guys appear to know each other, be friends and/or be dating, and I am not involved. My dating profile at the University is tragic, to say the least. The first guy I really liked couldn’t bring himself to even hold my hand and ended up hooking up with someone in his own year later on, despite claiming to be a commitment-phobe. Another guy only wanted to use me for sex, actually writing to me online to say “you’re nice, but I would never date you, don’t change yourself for anyone”, being told not to change is ironic when you are basically told that the last few months you spent trying to build any sort of a relationship has been destroyed by the fact they are not romantically attracted to you in the slightest. And finally, my last failed attempt at dating a fellow student ended the way most of my attempts end, by one day deciding to just ignore me completely.

It makes me feel very lonely, isolated within the community. It hurts even more when I see these people socialising at University and online. Even if there was no chance at a relationship, I would have still liked to have been friends, but it appears that friendship wasn’t even an option when it came down to me. Now I don’t want this piece to be a whining, sappy little article. I am not trying to be like ‘Why don’t you love me?’, I am really trying to ask “Why don’t you like me?”. Now, this may be stupid, I may find next year that I have loads of male and female friends within the community, but that doesn’t help me now. While I adore the friends I have, I feel as if I am missing a connection with someone who understands what it is like to be a young-gay adult. Someone who understands what is going on in my head, and can in some way relate to the struggle that most of us have faced or are still facing in our younger, closeted years.

I feel like an outcast, secure in my sexual orientation, but not in my community.


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