Why Is He Silent?
While some men are considered to be 'talkers', many men tend to be less talkative than women, especially when it comes to particularly emotional issues.
A man's silence may puzzle a woman to the point where it may drive her crazy.
Due to this mystery, she may interpret his silence based on the common reasons that would cause her be silent. One such example is a case where she is upset with him for some particular reason and gives him the silent treatment, perhaps to passive-aggressively punish him.
What a woman may need to understand, however, is that he thinks differently than her.
Although there are a number of issues and situations that would cause anyone—regardless of gender—to be verbally non-communicative, there are two dynamic reasons that can result in a man's silence.
Reason 1: He Processes Information Differently
She may process things within through verbal communication, whereas he may process things in silence within his 'psychological cave'.
This simply means that to work things out mentally and emotionally, women may prefer to "talk it out" whereas men may prefer to "think it out" and "work it out"—alone.
This is the instant in which he may withdraw in silence. These things that he wants to work out and fix can range from planning the supplies he needs to fix the roof, to how he can satisfy his woman who isn't happy.
Silence doesn't necessarily mean disinterest, indifference, passivity, insensitivity or being upset (sad, angry or depressed).
Reason 2: Sharing Feelings Is Hard
“Women often don’t understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. It’s very important for a woman not to come to any firm conclusions about a man’s motivation for what he is saying until she discovers what he is feeling.”
—Myles Munroe, Understanding the Power and Purpose of Man
Men can jump out of planes, wrestle with crocodiles and drive at amazing speeds without a hint of fear. But it's a different matter for a number of men when it comes to sharing feelings.
From the perspective of a man, sharing certain feelings may give him an unwanted sense of vulnerability. He doesn't like the idea of giving her the upper hand psychologically.
What Does This All Mean?
With the knowledge of how men process information, and the challenge they have with sharing feelings, women can exercise more patience through understanding.
Some basic ways in which a woman can understand what is beneath his silence is to:
- Ask him what he is thinking and feeling.
- Give him time to share at his own pace.
- Avoid giving him the dreaded ‘silent treatment’.
- Let him know how important his feelings are to you.
- Continue to share your feelings with him, so as to encourage him to do the same.
A man can make it easier for a woman to understand his silence by letting her know a little of what is happening on in his soul. His blank silence can frustrate her need to communicate with him. No doubt, his silence can be deafening.
From her perspective, she feels close to him not only when she hears his logical thoughts, but his feelings as well.
© 2010 Shane Brown-Daniels
Jaymes on April 04, 2020:
As a man that has become silent in his relationship, for me it was when I realized that my fiance doesnt care that some of her actions caused me to hurt emotionally. This one is a very big problem first she is hurting me even after I told her I was hurt by those actions and she continued to do it. Secondly im hurt and I really want to turn to the one person I love for advice but I cant talk to her without her telling me that Il wromg for feeling that way. These are red flags and its time to let go at this point.
Its imprtant to be a man and stick to your words if you tell her its over than it mean for a night, or a day, it's over means it over. I told you to get me tonight but you fucked up. You doing that show you dont care about losing me...
Pati on June 10, 2018:
My bf is silent, while I dread that he would leave me. I told him about this. But he wouldnt even say that he needs time to think or whatever, which would calm mr down, instead, he continues the silence. So now I'm just waiting for him to come back to me and say that it's over :(
Wayne on April 14, 2012:
My silence came when my girlfriend started saying intimate happenings between her and different boyfriends.I told her i am not interested in this...she said she thought it was necessary not to hold things back in a relationship.It is continuous What should i do
Pasca Mary on February 27, 2012:
yea it is good article...How to understand a man more when he is in slience?
moneycop from JABALPUR on September 10, 2011:
great hub...silence is always a want and need of human mind to get move on in a deep thought to pearl out gems of knowledge in artistic manner....inspired...try reading my poem on silence..hope u will like too..
sunshine2010 on February 01, 2011:
Well, a mans silence sometimes and espacelly when you are in a difecult marrage could be thinking about "the other women" and believe me its true. So really womrn be careful.
Moons on November 10, 2010:
:) Communication gap
manel on November 06, 2010:
man's silence sometimes bring no peace of mind for the woman especially in cases that you have unresolved problem that needs to be discussed and to settled. man's keeping away and stop communicating is like a brain cancer torture to a woman's mind because it leads to misinterpretation and wrong conclusion. a man must speak himself and face the problem. a woman knows to understand and will listen i think it's the best way to do.
dotty1 from In my world on September 30, 2010:
oooo I was excited to read this given the title and you di not disapoint!! I can never work these marsions out ... I always think "what have I done" "is he upset" when I do realise people are quiet sometimes...this is something I have trouble being ha.. perhaps my continuous taling is more annoying :-).. Many thanks fab hub have rated up x
omi saide on August 15, 2010:
This is informative, and can be very helpful to those fems who get the signals cross.(smile). so much pressure is placed on a man emotionally these days...they expect to be as "soft" and receptive as the fems. He can't be hisself..that must be uncomfortable. I am a female and I find most women talk nervously for no reason at all sometimes...its irritating, but women are verbal creatures.
lucycharlotte from Birmingham UK on August 04, 2010:
Dawn Michael from THOUSAND OAKS on July 22, 2010:
well interesting, but when ever my man gave me the silent treatment I would give him some love and usually his silence didn't last very long......lol
iolastar from Atlanta, GA on July 10, 2010:
Great article. I think I need to print this out.
Shane Brown-Daniels (author) from USA on April 14, 2010:
Thanks Cluense :) much appreciated.
Katie Luense from Buffalo, NY on April 14, 2010:
Awesome Hub yet again! I also rated this one up a notch!
Shane Brown-Daniels (author) from USA on April 11, 2010:
hahaha! That's a good one!, and it has great truth to it. It's a fact that men and women think differently - "Can we all just get along?"
Shari from New York, NY on April 11, 2010:
someone once told me that the difference between the way men and woman think is all where it begins, as a man when he thinks (with his brain) goes directly to the den , while a female goes to the kitchen then the laundry room then to the kids rooms and on and on, , LOL Great Hub tbe!!!