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Top 5 Myths About Feminine Men

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Bill Kaulitz, German singer and songwriter

Bill Kaulitz, German singer and songwriter

Myth #1: Feminine Men Are Gay

This is the biggest myth of them all and it couldn’t be more false. Being feminine says nothing about whether someone prefers girls or boys. It’s simply a way of seeing oneself, and it is not about what one sees or wants to see in others.

If that isn’t enough, then take a look at your average gay bar or website and see how many feminine men you find there. Yep. Feminine men are far more rare in the gay community than in everyday life. We know that masculine lesbians are fairly common, but gay and lesbian are not the diametric opposites that people often think. Maybe that’s why people keep buying this myth.

Myth #2: Feminine Men Are Weak

Imagine someone saying “women are weak”. They’d never get away with it—and rightfully so. Just because women are physically less strong than men, doesn’t mean they are weaker as people and the same is true for feminine men. And that is assuming that feminine men are indeed physically weaker but that is not necessarily the case. So if you’re calling feminine men weak, then you’re calling women even weaker. Try to remember that.

Myth #3: Feminine Men Are Selfish

I’ve heard women say this one a lot. How in the world can anyone draw that conclusion and ask to be taken seriously? Let’s take it apart: Emphasizing that feminine men are selfish compared with other men, implies that selfishness is inherent in femininity. So where does that leave women? After all, women are still more feminine on average even when compared with girly boys. You can’t make this assertion without also judging women even more harshly.

I think the reason why women may think this is down to them being used to and expecting men to play their classic provider role and jump through hoops for women just for being female. Young women in particular, are used to men going to extensive trouble for them and accept it as a normal way of interaction between the genders. When a man comes along who won’t perform all those tricks just because of gender expectations, they will get the false impression that this man is being selfish, even if he’s not. When you’re used to getting special treatment all your life (and the majority of women are) then getting equal treatment feels very unfair.

Myth #4: Feminine Men Make Bad Boyfriends or Husbands

This one’s a whopper. If anything makes a good long-term partner then it’s someone who levels with you and treats you as a peer. And this is a feature that seems inherent in feminine men. Yes, I know, the exciting erotic rush often comes from the raw nature of male meets female as opposites. But such a rush doesn’t do much for long-term stability. Besides, having common interests is one of the best pointers for a good relationship. I’m sure I’m not the only one who shudders when imagining the old-fashioned cliché relationship of the rugged-football-watching-beer-belly and the gossiping-beauty-salon-squatting-housewife.

Myth #5: Masculine Men Are Better Protectors

That’s more of a wild guess I think and has no meaning really. Does anyone really think that being masculine means you’re somehow bulletproof? Or that a masculine man will keep you from a car accident or from getting cancer or any of the other big risks that we have in our day-to-day lives? In fact, I personally feel safer in the presence of feminine men. Besides, in modern times, the best kind of protection a man can offer is financial security and today’s women are often financially independent and do not need that from a man. So why not lift that burden from men and learn to love them for other qualities?

Final Thoughts

Women have greatly expanded their horizon of existence in the last two generations. Why is it that we seem to not want men to do the same? Society seems terrified by men who go beyond their classical gender role of provider and protector. All the more reason for you guys to explore this new life that’s available to you.