Updated date:

Top 5 Myths About Feminine Men


The title says it all so here we go:

1) Feminine Men Are Gay

This is the biggest myth of them all and it couldn’t be more false. Being feminine says nothing about whether someone prefers girls or boys. It’s simply a way of seeing ONESELF and not about what one sees or wants to see in others. If that isn’t enough, then take a look at your average gay bar or website and see how many feminine men you find there. Yep. Feminine men are far more rare in the gay community than in everyday life. We know that masculine lesbians are fairly common but gay and lesbian are not the diametric opposites that people often think. Maybe that’s why people keep buying this myth.

Photo of Bill Kaulitz. Source:http: www.flickr.com/photos/sieanas-pictures/2697824992

Photo of Bill Kaulitz. Source:http: www.flickr.com/photos/sieanas-pictures/2697824992

2) Feminine Men Are Weak

Imagine someone saying “women are weak”. They’d never get away with it and rightfully so. Just because women are physically less strong than men, doesn’t mean they are weaker as people and the same is true for feminine men. And that is assuming that feminine men are indeed physically weaker but that is not necessarily the case. So if you’re calling feminine men weak, then you’re calling women even weaker. Try to remember that.

3) Feminine Men Are Selfish

I’ve heard women say this one a lot. How in the world can anyone draw that conclusion and ask to be taken seriously? Let’s take it apart: Emphasizing that feminine men are selfish compared with other men, implies that selfishness is inherent in femininity. So where does that leave women? After all, women are still more feminine on average even when compared with girly boys. You can’t make this assertion without also judging women even more harshly.

I think the reason why women may think this is down to them being used to and expecting men to play their classic provider role and jump through hoops for women just for being female. Young women in particular, are used to men going to extensive trouble for them and accept it as a normal way of interaction between the genders. When a man comes along who won’t perform all those tricks just because of gender expectations, they will get the false impression that this man is being selfish, even if he’s not. When you’re used to getting special treatment all your life (and the majority of women are) then getting equal treatment feels very unfair.

4) Feminine Men Make Bad Boyfriends or Husbands

This one’s a whopper. If anything makes a good long term partner then it’s someone who levels with you and treats you as a peer. And this is a feature that seems inherent in feminine men. Yes, I know, the exciting erotic rush often comes from the raw nature of male meets female as opposites. But such a rush doesn’t do much for long term stability. Besides, having common interests is one of the best pointers for a good relationship. I’m sure I’m not the only one who shudders when imagining the old fashioned cliché relationship of the rugged-football-watching-beer-belly and the gossiping-beauty-salon-squatting-housewife.

5) Masculine Men Are Better Protectors

That’s more of a wild guess I think and has no meaning really. Does anyone really think that being masculine means you’re somehow bullet proof? Or that a masculine man will keep you from a car accident or from getting cancer or any of the other big risks that we have in our day to day lives? In fact, I personally feel safer in the presence of feminine men. Besides, in modern times, the best kind of protection a man can offer is financial security and today’s women are often financially independent and do not need that from a man. So why not lift that burden from men and learn to love them for other qualities?

Final Thoughts

Women have greatly expanded their horizon of existence in the last two generations. Why is it that we seem to not want men to do the same? Society seems terrified by men who go beyond their classical gender role of provider and protector. All the more reason for you guys to explore this new life that’s available to you.


Greg on June 10, 2020:

I found number 5 from you pretty interesting. Thanks for that. When will things change? It's the second article I've read from you now and we need articles like this. It made sense. I hope the world will change one day.

Antonymous on February 25, 2018:

Jimboy: How do you define feminine? You only associate it with weakness and maybe you only detect those types of men traits as feminine. Also what's weak for you? Do you include "bad boyfriends?"

ALWJ on November 08, 2017:

I just wanted to say thank you. Nice to know someone actually gets me. Its just nice.

Jimboy on April 20, 2017:

Being feminine does not imply any of these myths, but all these myths put together create a type of personality that is quite common with feminine men.

Bigkitty on December 22, 2016:

I'm as strait as a guy can be in a dress. I'm a care taker for a woman. I dress as a girl 24/7 and do all her house cleaning and outside task as they are needed all performed in my pretty dresses.

I still consider myself strait but wearing lingerie and dresses all the times makes me feel more feminine everyday.

Andy on April 10, 2013:

Thank god at least one person in this world gets it. It makes me mad when people look at me weird for being a 'gentler' man. One, I get I'm small, so I guess that only makes the problem worse, but still. Just because i choose the non confrontational rout rather than the usual hard headed one, doesn't mean I'm any less of a man. So what If I have a quieter voice. Not everyone has to, or wants to, be loud. Since when have there been rules set on how your personality is suppose to be. Then they try to group it into sexuality. What does my choice of words have to do with who I sleep with? NOTHING. I just want to slap some people upside the head, YES I SAID SLAP, not punch, for even thinking about it. I don't go around thinking about what YOU do in bed when you go around talking about your dick all day. I'm too bizy having an intelegent conversation about why it's important not to eat to much at lunch time, or something else. Then they give me even more hell for being NICE. When has NICE ever been a problem? So I'm NICE and GENTLE. What does that say about me? It says I'm gonna be a better PARENT then you'll ever be. Leave the brick throwing to the nianderthols cause I don't wanna be a part of it, and THAT shouldn't be a problem.

maryjane on November 23, 2012:

I just started seeing someone who is somewhat feminine and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it - thank you for your insight. I really appreciate your words and wisdom.

John on September 20, 2012:

I am a feminine man that connects well with women. Women love me. Women want to be with me. I think it does have to do with how well we connect and I attribute it to some of my feminine qualities. I for one communicate like a woman. I am a talker and I am emotional. I also enjoy going out shopping with my wife. Women always have told me that I am easy to be with.

GothPimp on June 05, 2012:

I love straightening my hair, doing my makeup all goth like, but pretty and perfect, while wearing a nice clean black suit and top hat very confidence boosting. It also makes me feel sexy as a person. I never get negative responses either. Women often become curious and interested, so we're all happy I guess.

Sara on December 26, 2011:

"We know that masculine lesbians are fairly common..." Wow, nice way to put in a really annoying stereotype in an otherwise good article. I hear this all the time: "wow, I never would have thought you would be a lesbian, you don't LOOK like it all..." As if my outward appearance defines my sexuality. You have it exactly right on the male sie of things, but your comment, while seemingly innocuous, is actually really frustrating and something I wish people would stop doing. Disappointing.

Randy on September 10, 2011:

I really got inspired by this! I am a 17 year old male model. I have "masculine" guy friends. And they are all alright with my preferences. They don't judge me at all. I am very aggressive though, but i am a big softie even if i don't show (which is almost all the time). I don't mind homosexuality, but i don't like men thinking they are or should be women. I hate that just cause you are different don't mean that you have to take on that title. It makes me feel like we are loosing a never ending battle. Thank you though for you inspiration.

fillettefils on July 25, 2011:

I Love Lucy! Sounds like the title of a TV show. Nah, it'd probably never work.

Lucy83 (author) on May 08, 2011:

Hi omari,

if all you want is to be beautiful sometimes, then there's nothing wrong with you at all. You're just suffering from the strict gender role that society places on men. How old are you? Maybe it's just your age. Most people are insecure about themselves in their youth. Not everything that feels like a problem is a problem.

omari on May 08, 2011:

excuse me lucy83 i have a problem im dealing with im a young male and i feel so incecure about my gender i sometimes wish i was a women be case i don,t feel like im good enough person i know most guys love the way they are but not me i and i sometimes want to be beautful but i have trobule being who i am what do i do.

Lucy83 (author) on February 23, 2011:

Yes I suppose so but masculine women have a number of other myths to battle with. For example people will often think an assertive woman is harsh and aggressive where a man with the same behavior would be seen in a much more positive light. I've had that experience repeatedly and it has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion. But it's nothing compared with the problems that feminine men will encounter.

Giorgio on February 22, 2011:

I admit, I never heard none of thise myth ever (beside them bein either gay or bi sexual, but that's the only one) otherwise no.

About the myth the same can be said on masculine women? bein gay and such?


Lucy83 (author) on February 06, 2011:

Thanks Ingrid,

yep, feminine men are the best lovers by far.

Ingrid on February 05, 2011:

I truly agree with you in every part on this. I am female, yet i manage to take it personal when people utter these crazy lies about feminine men. i personally really want a partner who is more feminine. it would make me feel more secure and I wouldn't feel as if i were the only thoughtful sensitive one. thank you for this article :)

Lucy83 (author) on January 21, 2011:

Thanks Sissychuck,

nice to have some support.

sissychuck44 on January 21, 2011:


You do a great job!! I wished more women would adopt your fine attitude.

Lucy83 (author) on December 02, 2010:

Hi Dionn,

thanks for the feedback - that is what encourages me to keep writing. I know, lately I've not been very active in writing but I will get back to it when I have more time.

Lucy83 (author) on December 02, 2010:

Hi Dionn,

thanks for the feedback - that is what encourages me to keep writing. I know, lately I've not been very active in writing but I will get back to it when I have more time.

Dionn on December 01, 2010:

Another great article from Lucy83, one of those the internet needs for information and education of people regarding their sexuality. I personally although I am masculine in my regular life I admit that I would like to meet a partner who will feminize me and in a way "emasculate me" I believe that this kind of gender-blender can have a profound effect in a relationship especially a Female-led Relationship and can be very altering. Both sides the femininized man and the woman who tyransforms the man into a femme-male can discover some very new areas of their personalities and experience a completely different and unconventional love connection based not on gender.I would encourage Lucy83 to write more articles for this erotic phenomenon.

Best regards.

Ted on August 12, 2010:

Great article. Although i don't really apply myself to sterotypes i am metrosexual and fem. And when in my band/onstage somewhere between the guy on the picture, lexxi foxxx and Richie Nickel. And i must admit i love it, the stereotype man. Just doesn't work for me i tried once as a bet with someone i know and got told i failed badly after 2 hours. But once again great article and its nice to see an article from someone appreciating men who aren't stereotypical.

schnaubler on June 09, 2010:

Dear Lucy, this is so uplifting for me as a feminine man...words can't tell. Thank you so much for the encoureagement! To wear 'womens clothing', it got me somewhere where I could be, well, myself. And I know I am very blessed that my girlfriend appreciates that too. She actually was the one who always stated that she'd love to see a man in a skirt and high heels, so one day I did...what I always liked to do...:-) And to see that I'm still a man and to be able to do this makes my life just plain wonderful. Yes indeed I feel now it's time for us men just to let go...and to encourage other men to do so as well. And then it truly will become a fairer and more peaceful world (as Sissy Selena said).

PeaceLove2012 to you


Lucy83 (author) on June 09, 2010:

Thanks Selena.

Nice to read such enthusiastic praise.

Sissy Selena on June 09, 2010:

Lucy, you speak such sense with great insight, sensitivity and understanding. Hopefully others will learn from your example in order that we might all enjoy a fairer and more peaceful world. Very best wishes..Selena

sissyballs on April 26, 2010:

I am a husband, father and war vet. I can be strong when I must be, but I am a woman inside with the strength of a woman. Older people have the most problem with feminine men. Younger women are the most understanding and treat me as one of their girl friends. Thank you for the great hubs Lucy.

Related Articles