Advice ColumnBreakupsCompatibilityDatingFriendshipGender and SexualityLovePhysical IntimacyRelationship ProblemsRelationshipsSingle LifeSocial Skills & Etiquette

5 Signs You May Be a Flaming Gay

Updated on December 05, 2016

People often talk about this concept of "gaydar" and how to feel someone out to tell if they are of a homosexual persuasion or not. Both gay people and straights alike (albeit for different reasons) are often intensely curious about someone's orientation, and will go to huge lengths to figure it out without having to outright ask, or else develop finely tuned radar that blips at all the little signs.

With all this work people (especially gay ones) put into figuring out other people's sexuality, you'd think people would be more attuned to evidences of their own gayness or bi-ness. However, you'd often be wrong. Some of the gayest people had no idea they were gay until everyone and their mom had already known for years.

I think it's important for people to know themselves as much as possible, so, to this end, I've compiled a list of signs (some subtle, some obvious) that you may be a flaming homo.

(Now, those of you who have read some of my other work might ask: "But, thehands, what could you possibly really know about gayness? Aren't you just a random straight guy who is occasionally into lesbians? Isn't that the extent of your contact with gays?"

So, I suppose, it must finally "come out," so to speak. To that, I shall give my short answer: Yes, indeed I may be technically straight in the sense of being mostly heterosexual, but I am not, like most other straight people, "heteronormative," [not even close, really] for a couple of reasons I will not get into here. I might speak more at length about it in another hub. But let's just say for now that I know waaay more about "LGBTQers" than the average straight person does. In fact, I happen to be part of that acronym myself in spite of my lack of gayness; jusT Take a ToTally random guess as To which leTTer I am referring To when I say ThaT.

But getting back to the more important stuff...)

Signs you might be gay:

Photo by theodoranian
Photo by theodoranian

Sign Number 1:

You're a woman, and all the guys you've dated in the past turned out to be gay, OR you're a guy, and all the girls you have dated in the past turned out to be lesbians.

It's not really totally clear why this is, at least to me, but it seems like when gay people talk about people they've dated in the past, they often say something like: "Oh, yeah, that was when I was really young and didn't know. He/she's totally by best gay/lesbian friend now."

The whole dated-opposite-gender-partner-then-turned-into-each-others-gay-best-friends is almost a stereotype within some circles, and I have seen this happen more than once with people that I've known personally. If you see a lesbian and a gay man who are exceptionally close and have known each other since they were very young, very often you'll find that they had previously dated each other.

A really generalized answer to why this happens might be that they are responding to stereotypically opposite-sex characteristics in each other, i.e. the unknowing gay man is attracted to the unknowing lesbian's butchiness, and she to his femininity. A better answer, though, I think, is simply that sexual minorities tend to instinctually feel more comfortable around each other because they recognize other people who feel and act "different" and may have a natural tendency to gravitate towards people they feel might understand them, even if it's subconscious and they don't realize their own orientation yet.

Sign Number 2:

Your parents tell you to stop with "those mannerisms" or to not sit "that way" in a chair or to not "walk that way" because people are going to think the "wrong thing" about you.

Basically, if your parents or friends are noticing stereotypically "gay" mannerisms or behavior from you and are warning you that other people will take it the wrong way, maybe they're not too far off.

In my experience, people will just have "the walk" and not realize that they consciously have it, silently broadcasting their queerness to the world unknowingly, then being shocked when someone brings it up.

Now, not all people with the stereotypical mannerisms are gay, and not all gay people have such mannerisms, but a lot of times, it's a pretty safe bet. If you're skipping down the sidewalk with a daisy on your head, screaming your head off that you love vagina, I sure as hell am not going to believe you.

Sign Number 3:

You get horrendously offended when someone calls you gay or asks if you are.

Like, very offended. Like, much more than the average person.

In fact, one of your common responses to such a question is: "sigh! Oh my gosh, why does everyone keep asking if I'm gay?! Just because I like showtunes and have pin-ups of all the members of N'Sync in my locker at work doesn't mean I'm a closet case!" / "Just because my favorite movie is But I'm a Cheerleader and I have posters of Jodie Foster all over my walls instead of pictures of my favorite boyband doesn't mean I'm a lesbo! Shut up! I love penis!"

In fact, you feel the need to go overboard, constantly asserting how totally NOT GAY you are. "No homo" is practically your catch phrase, even when nobody's asking.

Which brings me to...

Sign Number 4:

Everyone is always asking you if you are gay.

It may just be that you're broadcasting your gayness unknowingly to the world via "vibes" or mannerisms like the ones mentioned in Sign Number 2.

It's sort of how you might assume that these two people you are talking to at a party are dating, only to have them both blush and tell you they just met each other that night, then you find out some weeks or months later that they're actually dating now. Lots of times people will give off signals and vibes of an impending future before they even realize themselves what that future might be.

And, in your case, that future might be very rainbow-scented indeed.

Sign Number 5:

You're interested in things that gay people are into, or things that have to do with gayness.

But nevermind, you're not gay. You just like watching Queer as Folk and Will and Grace out of pure coincidence; it's not that you identify with any of it at all on this deep, personal level. And you only went on that lesbian cruise because you were tired of going on vacation alone and having men hitting on you all the time. Simple as that.

Sign Number 0:

You like men and you're a man, OR

You like women and you're a woman.

Doesn't get more obvious than that, but you'd be surprised. Lots of people will have such feelings and brush them aside, deny them, or just try not to think of them.

Of course, just because signs point towards your might being gay, doesn't mean you actually are gay. Heck, I get my sexuality questioned probably way more often than the average straight guy does, and I undeniably love girls, (Maybe my walk isn't manly enough. Who knows?) so I feel those of you out there who get this stuff a lot, but just can't find it in yourselves to be raging homos. Frankly, I can't either (though I'd probably get more action if I was).

I think these signs are pretty generally true, though, anyway, as they have been in my experience with gay people.

(And if you have any other critical signs to add that you think I missed, feel free to comment.)


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • griffinjtravis profile image

      griffinjtravis 6 years ago from South West Missouri

      Does show tunes make you gay? Does asking if show tunes make you gay, make you gay?

    • thehands profile image

      thehands 6 years ago

      Nah. You usually have to be gay to begin with to like show tunes. So don't worry. :P

    • IdeaMorphist profile image

      IdeaMorphist 6 years ago from Chicagoland

      ? it!

    • Booboo 6 years ago

      you arent gay for liking show tunes. But if your in drag and your heels and dress match you might should start to suspect something might be amiss. Only a straight guy would wear unmatched attire. They always accessorize poorly we all know that

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 6 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      Interesting article. I have worked in the past with many homosexual individuals when I was doing individual therapy and I have come to the conclusion that there is a continuum. Let’s say 1 being very heterosexual and 10 being very homosexual. I feel that people fall in that continuum. A five could be a person that may be bi-sexual, and choose to live that life or choose to be straight or gay, where as a person who is born an 8 is homosexual, they were born that way and fighting it is a loosing battle. Just accept who they are….Well just though I should add my two bits

    • lauren ;) profile image

      lauren ;) 6 years ago

      so... ur the T in the lgbt family, that's interesting, would u mind explaining more, ive never really met or talked to a T before :L im a B myself :L

    • daouady profile image

      daouady 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      I respectfully disagree. I have been brought up in different cultures. I sit with my legs crossed and to the side because that is proper in my culture. I wear a rainbow beaded bracket because my 15 daughter made it for me. I wear shoes that will make a sound when I walk because that is considered sexy. I arch my back when my back is touched because I like the feeling. I kiss my close friends on a check when I see them. I hold hands with my gay and middle eastern friends which is a sign of friendship.

      I have been asked, assumed that I am gay, it does not bother me. I enjoy fine arts, galleries museums, high end designs and all things refined. My favorite colour is pick and have a couple of pick shirts and scarfs.

      I guess in the end it all depends on the culture you are brought up in.

    • Brian 5 years ago

      I think I may be homosexual, I have been hidning my feelings for years. I would love to talk to someone about this. 989-737-0595 anytime

    • Brian 5 years ago

      You can text me anytime also. No body has called me. I am a police officer and I need to know how to work with men who might be homophobic.

    • greg 5 years ago

      What is all this nonsense. I loved playing with dolls only. And I am only attracted to women. So get a life. Don't look for signs. Things are not always as they seem to be.

    • thehands profile image

      thehands 5 years ago

      @Greg: Every once in awhile I come across a comment like yours that makes me wonder--Did you even READ the article, or just the title?

      If you did read it, are you just pretending that you don't see the humor and exaggeration in this hub, or is it really that you didn't catch it at all? And most of this humor is targeted at LGBTer's who would get the jokes, not at straight people who would get offended on their behalf anyway.

      Methinks the article (or just the title, because it seems you didn't read it--I didn't even MENTION dolls or anything like that) unintentionally hit some sort of sore spot. Obviously, this hub deals with vast generalizations, as a lot of humor does. Get over it.

    • Neville Walk 5 years ago

      Knowing a lot about gay culture and using this knowledge for humour, as in this hub, whilst at the same time asserting your manly interest in women,is something I remember doing before finally deciding to 'come out.'

    • thehands profile image

      thehands 5 years ago

      @Neville Walk:

      Lol, yes, that's a common behavior pattern in those who aren't yet ready to come out. In my case, though, I've already been through the whole coming out process for something else, and I think by now if I were gay, I'd probably know it and have no problem coming out. :P

      Btw, having an interest in women is manly?

    • Cgavic 5 years ago

      I Agee with the article. It's true. I've been through it that's why. The only difference for me is the dating issue. All the girls I dated in high school and college were straight.

      I'm a Christian being gay.

    • RachaelLefler profile image

      Rachael Lefler 5 years ago from Illinois

      I'm a B as well! Always knew though, always been kind of a playful tomboy who goes both ways... :D

      I mean, when I was in high school I was obsessed with the Indigo Girls and Sailor Moon but it took me a while to realize why exactly that was... lol. But now that I look back I always was into guys and girls about 50/50 but slightly more into girls. It took me a long time to be comfortable saying I was bisexual though. Doesn't a weird word like "bisexual" make you sound like some kind of freak? But I don't worry about it now.

    • noxadari profile image

      noxadari 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Great hub, though I would have to add a little to it, being that many Ts cover most of the same signs too, and are not gay. I get asked on a regular basis, and I am nowhere near gay, I have many similar mannerisms, etc.. Point is there is no real way to tell regardless of how many signs there are.

    • sligobay profile image

      sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

      I am a self-professed "Trysexual" which defies categorization and just expresses my open-mindedness and willingness to TRY anything sexual. Some mistake my label as a preference for threesome sexual encounters (which are a pleasure with a disadvantage). There is always one in the group who is more interested in emptying my wallet than they are in protecting themselves from dangerous bodily fluids. There is plausible deniability with three, that just doesn't exist in a bi-sexual trist. See what I mean? I think that I'll just make a new Hub on this!

    • jaymee 4 years ago

      I am straight and I find this blog extremely offensive. All of these comments on gay people are RUDE and OFFENSIVE. Although I am a very peaceful person, I really truly wish for some karma to act on the individuals writing these blogs.

    • RavenBiker profile image

      RavenBiker 4 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA.

      Oh, Jamee, lighten up. I'm gay and I found it amusing. It's inspiring me to write my own list.

    • babylove44 4 years ago

      Hello Dear,

      My name is Miss jovitar,I came across your profile today and It was so good to i decided to stop on it and let you know that i am interested to have a relationship with you.please contact me at my email address ( I believe if you contact me, i will give you a full introduction of my self ,I know age will not be a bearer to our relationship, Remember the distance or religion does not matter but love matters a lot in life,write to me on ( ) and i will send you my pictures. beside there is something very important i will like to tell you when you contact me, Please I don't chat, just write to me on my email address and i will respond to you. waiting to hear from you.

    • Eric 4 years ago

      I am gay and I found this article hilarious and true. I found this article why searching,"Why do people keep asking my friends if I am gay?" Yes, it's obvious I am gay but I've always felt like I was acting like a guy but similar to what you wrote in your article, seems to me everyone including my mom knew I was gay way before I knew I was. I have female mannerisms but I don't realize I have them. It's really strange. My posture is different but I have mild scolosis and not sure if that effects it or not. I hate my posture. If I weren't me and I saw me walking down the street I would think I was gay because of my posture. And I see a lot of other guys with who stand similar to me and I think they are so totally gay and I could be wrong. I've only had 1 person ever come up to me and ask me if I was gay but the majority of the time I hear it from a friend that someone asked if I was gay. I'm so used to it now but it's so annoying! All signs in this article point to me except for number 2. And by the way, my closest best friend is a lesbian and we did date a few times but that was in elementary school when it really didn't count or mean anything. And I do get very offended when people ask me. But I loved this article!

    • thehands profile image

      thehands 4 years ago

      @jaymee: Omg, you are so right. I see my folly now. Karma acted on me as you said, thusly: Someone wrote a satirical article about how people who write hubs and have pen-names made from words for body parts often fit a certain list of stereotypes. I was just SO offended and hurt because I am secure in myself and everything and have time to be offended by the random silly things people write on the internet. In fact, I truly hope Jesus smites the person who wrote it, because stupid internet articles about gay people and/or hub writers are the first things on Jesus' and/or The Universe's Karma priority list.

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 4 years ago from Hampton, GA

      lol.. fun stuff, Hand. I definitely fit some of those signs. :)


    • cee 4 years ago

      I went out the other night to a roof top bar in nyc it was beautiful I started talking to some women I say hi how u doing come here often it appears that one of the staff said I was scaring them away even the ugly ones. They wouldn't even talk to me,and they pick there hand up with a limp wrist its been happening a lot. I wanna know why. Women/people think im gay and what am I doing that they think that,cause if im gay im gonna kill myself

    • Nasser 3 years ago

      I'm slightly confused about myself, I'm still a teenager I'm male transitioning to female but I feel I'm bisexual but I have a slight preference for women over men (Purely because women tend to have a more favourable personality, although if a man wanted to be with me and he had a woman's personality I would be all over that) although I have never kissed, dated or slept with either a man or woman. In the LGBT society will this make me some sort of weird BLT variety (see what I did there?) Or maybe I'll be all 4 then I'll feel very special.

    • kobe 3 years ago

      ok so um young and curious and sometimes i get really horny and search sexual girl things and boy things sometimes more boy then girl and. I do get super offended wen people call me gay but that's because I'm sensitive but I think dating kissinmg or sexing with guys is nasty with girls totally and I'm straight but I hang out with girls a lot ami gay?

    Click to Rate This Article