Letting Her Know Can Be Difficult
For many men who wear lingerie, the most difficult part of the journey isn't making the decision to wear these garments, it's letting their partner know about their desires and habits when it comes to lingerie. It's hard enough finding a nice lady to be with in this day and age—without also having to worry about finding someone who will be accepting of, and perhaps even enjoy, your choices.
Not Telling Her Is a Mistake
Many men make the mistake of not telling their girlfriends or wives, thinking that they would be disgusted. However, when you hide this sort of thing from a partner you are actually depriving her of the experience of sharing something that is very special and important to you. Imagine how you might feel if you found out that she had such an intimate secret. You would probably be understanding, but there would no doubt be a little sting at realizing that she had kept something so personal from you.
Relationships Are About Trust
Relationships are all about trust and intimacy. Many women who discover that their men are into wearing lingerie do so after catching them in the act, or perhaps even finding their man's panty stash and even assuming that he is cheating. They are shocked and surprised, not so much at the lingerie itself, but because they suddenly feel that they don't really know the man they are with. Hiding who you are can be quite damaging to a relationship, and many of the negative reactions that men fear may in fact be brought about by hiding their desires from their partner, instead of introducing them in the proper time, in the proper manner.
When to Tell Her?
So what is the proper time? As a rough guide: Tell her early, but not too early.
You don't have to whisper in her ear and tell her that you are wearing a silk thong and stockings on the first date. That would probably be pretty inappropriate—unless things were going incredibly well. However, waiting months to tell her may be pushing it. A good time to start revealing your inclinations towards lingerie is when you start to become physically intimate. This is the time where she is becoming open to you physically, and emotionally, and this period is most definitely an important one in the formation of a strong relationship. Once you begin to get a sense of comfort with her, and she with you, and trust is beginning to build, that is a good time to let her in on the 'secret'.
You may be surprised at how positive the reaction is, or at least how curious and non-judgmental it is. Remember, if she is worth having in your life, she is not going to be cruel regarding your personal tastes and desires, nor is she going to be disgusted by them.
Let Her Get Used to the Idea
However, don't expect her to immediately leap up, start grabbing her intimates, and thrusting them at you to try on. That may come at a later stage, as many men do share the process of picking out lingerie with their partners. Introduce her to your lingerie slowly. Once you have talked about it, come out wearing a pair of panties perhaps, or a camisole under your clothing. Let her get used to the idea, and feel for that matter. Believe it or not guys, silk and satin feel just as great sliding across a manly body as they do a female one, and many women come to very much enjoy the look and feel of their men in lingerie.
Clive Cussler on July 29, 2020:
Adding to other comments of mine and others.This panty thing is like an open wound,a wound of deceit and dishonesty.You are either hiding it or wanting to do it.It is sad to say but this and other issues may never be resolved with my wife.I have been and will wear as close to panties as i dare.I still say the underwear industry could do better than it is for men.Yes it is my body,but I do not want a war with her over this.I know this rings true out there.My Barbara men's bikinis are coming soon.I am wearing them .She will have to adjust.
Clive Cussler on July 15, 2020:
How do you tell your wife that many panties you have tried on fit perfectly? Especially since you lost 16 pounds.Two comments in one day..a little panty fever going on here.
Clive Cussler on July 15, 2020:
Men are scared, yes. Hey honey I want to order some Vanity Fair online...for me.Love those nylon hipsters like you had.People will accept all manor of behavior ,men enjoying panties good luck with that.
Jascques Dubois on June 11, 2020:
I really enjoy wearing thigh high stockings and four inch high heels. I also enjoy wearing these when I am having sex with my wife..or her mother. The feeling we both get when our legs are rubbing together with most likely send us both into an extremely enhanced state of orgasm. I mean I will ejaculate so much spun k it sometimes frightens me. Anyhoo. I think my mother in law enjoys it more than my wife. I think it is because her breasts are so much larger and more sensitive. to the touch .
daviv j on February 12, 2020:
I like to wear my wifes midi size 14 m @s knickers,cotton I find the most comfortable, I normally put them on after she as put them in the laundry basket at night--then sleep next to her and when cuddling up to her I rub my self against her bare bum--a great feeling.
Bob on January 08, 2020:
I have been wearing panties 24/7 for eight years now and I love and I would never go back to men’s underwear. It took my wife a little time to get used to it but now she loves how I look in them. She especially loves when we wear matching panties. She now has got me wearing pantyliners which is great as they keep my panties clean and absorb any drips I might have.
jerry on September 28, 2019:
I do my on panty shopping. I like to go to a store that sell's lingerie and buy my own panties. I feel it is necessary to go and purchase panties that fit me and not steal them to get what I want. I do not mind going to a ladies shop to purchase panties for myself. I get some looks from the other women in the store but they never are rude when i'm looking through the panties on display. I even had some lady come over to help me find what I was looking for. I'm not gay and wear men's clothing when I'm shopping for panties. I always wear panties every day. I like wearing nylon panties in the style of briefs most of the time. I do not like boy shorts they remind me of boxers that I dislike. While I'm writing this article I am wearing a pair of Olga lace panties that are cream color with lace around the legs and waist. They are so comfortable and sexy.
Men that wear panties should have guts enough to purchase their own panties and not request their other half purchase them for them or order panties from a mail order supplier. If you want something be man enough to go and purchase them for your self. I wear a size 8 in most panties and I know what style I want to purchase. Men get off your duff and get what you want and not be a scaredy cat to purchase panties for your self or go naked one.
William on May 20, 2019:
I've worn panties for more years than I can remember. My wife knows and is OK with it. Vanity Fair Ravissants and Lace Nouveaus and Bali Skimp Skamps are my favorites. I also have Shadowlines and some other brands and a number of custom made panties from Knickerocker on Etsy.
Early in our premarital relationship in the early '70s, I told her how much I liked the look of classic granny nylon panties. She obliged me by buying some and wearing them frequently. She'd leave them on for me when we made love.
One time when she was in the bathroom cleaning up after one of our lovemaking sessions, as a "joke" I slipped on her pair of red Vanitys that she'd been wearing and laid there waiting for her to come back into the bedroom.
When she did, she stopped, stared and said, "What's this?" I told her I was curious how nylon panties felt, so I tried hers on. To which she replied, "Well, get your own and take mine off!"
That was my opening. This was before eCommerce and online ordering. I perused the old Spiegel catalog and ordered some black nylon Vanity Fair full brief panties. I wore them for our next lovemaking session. When she saw them, she once again said, "What's this?"
I reminded her about her comment, "get your own". She asked where I got them. When I told her from the Spiegel catalog, she replied, "Too chicken to buy them in person?" Well, yeah.
I gradually added to my collection over time, always via mail order. Although we have panty shopped together a number of times. It's always a kick when we buy some panties together and the sales clerk notices they're different sizes and mentions that to my wife. To which she replies, "The larger sizes are his." I just smile.
Today I have more panties than my wife! I really enjoy when we wear matching panties for lovemaking or just for the day. I'm in panties 24/7 and love it.
Sammy on May 04, 2019:
I wear string bikini panties daily. I also like wearing thongs. I’ve been wearing panties for about 18 years now and love them. There more comfortable and better looking then all men’s underwear. I also like the colors and patterns they have too. I’m married and to a woman for the past 24 years now and she knows that I wear them and is ok with it.
Sam on March 31, 2019:
I finally have a partner who not only understands,but is happy to oblige. For yrs its been hidden, 2 marriages and several partners...anna knew, and eventually made me tell her the truth .
She accused me of cheating because i kept it from her, I only ever talked talked to guys on Tumblr and swapped pix
Shes given me more than she'll ever know
Our relationship will go from strength to strength
girdledhubby on September 06, 2017:
Rob, thank you for your detailed article. If you look around in different forums, you can see that there are a lot of men who feel comfortable in feminine underwear. I believe every man who once tried Bh or girdles understands how charming it is. Why should a man not enjoy fine lingerie when he enjoys it?
A man who begins to put lingerie or nylon does not have it easy. Social prejudices are too strong. It is important to tell the woman or girlfriend from the beginning, the truth. Nothing is worse than doing it secretly, and then she finds it out. And most men who like to wear feminine garments are neither gay nor strange. You can probably convince the partner in a joint conversation. There are certainly women who find their man in lingerie charming and sexy. But there will be few.
At first, it may be enough for the man to wear lingerie and more at home. But at some point he would like more. Daily dressed in fine lingerie under the normal suit. Especially in the bra exists the fear that someone could notice it. A casual hug or in summer with thin clothing and already someone has noticed that the man is wearing a bra. It is therefore necessary to develop the necessary self-confidence. How will friends or acquaintances react when they notice it? You should think about that before you wear lingerie or bra in public.
Rob Ought on August 06, 2017:
I didn't want to put a hyperlink to another site but Katie & Laura's Panties has a valuable resource for women to read on this topic for men who want to wear. Rather than linking I just copied the points of interest:
Not sure what to think?
Hi Girls, so does your Man like to wear Panties?
Well, we are obviously in a position to communicate with lots of Men just like your Man. We also have done quite a bit of researching on the topic (and not from internet chat rooms, we mean real quantitative study reviews, actual human psychology science.) Hopefully we can give you a little useful information, and help you avoid a lot of the non-sense you’ll see on the internet.
The vast majority of Men who have a Panty wearing preference are heterosexual, and are actually much more likely to be 100% straight than the general population. Very few men with a Panty wearing preference (aka fetish) are non-heterosexuals, it is actually really rare for them to be non-heterosexual.
Men wearing women's Panties for sexual excitement is entirely different and separate from gender-identity issues. Your man is not gay, and does not want to be a woman.
The majority of Men with Panty wearing preferences are so highly attracted to females, that this is a way to feel even closer to women and may serve as a tension release for those with stressful careers.
These studies also show that Men with a Panty preference on average: have higher IQs, make more money, are more successful, are more loyal to their wives/girlfriends, are much less likely to cheat, are much more likely to have type-A alpha male professions (like executives, lawyers, doctors, law enforcement, leadership positions of all types and other "manly" professions.)
Quite prevalent. In fact 3-5% of heterosexual men regularly wear women’s lingerie for pleasure. The majority do this secretly. So about one in every 20-30 men are secretly enjoying women’s lingerie to some extent. Most have a deep desire to share the experience with their mate, yet keep it hidden.
Having a Panty wearing preference (aka fetish) is not a mental disorder, nor does it predispose him to have any mental disorder. It is a harmless, but powerful attraction to a symbol of the opposite sex.
As stated before, Men wearing women's Panties for sexual excitement is entirely different and separate from gender-identity issues. Your man is not gay, and does not want to be a woman.
What to do?
Girls, if you are reading this because of a special man in your life, then he has trusted you with the deepest and most personal part of his being, something very precious, and I am happy for you both!
During the past few years, we have had the unique opportunity to have private conversations with so many men on this sensitive subject. We feel compelled to share what we have learned, how important it is to him, and how hard it can be for him to tell you.
So my advice to the ladies: If you know your man likes wearing Panties then take full advantage of this little gem. So easy to wrap him around your little finger, it's almost not fair! Soon, you may Love it more than he does. HaHa! He's a keeper, and now you know exactly how to get anything you want. Too many women take the "try to ignore it" approach and are sadly missing out on a wonderfully intimate opportunity. It is such a simple little key to his heart, use it and he will Love you to the end of time.
Now are we just trying to sell Panties? For goodness sake, this is a very small part of our customer base. If men never bought here again, our accountant would never notice (but we'd get a lot less emails!!!) If posting info like this made money, then VS and everyone else would be doing it too. Even if 10% of men started wearing Panties, that is tiny compared to the 100% of women who do! We just hate seeing such loving men getting misrepresented, really hate it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. You are obviously patient and kind, and I see why he loves you.
phillip black on August 05, 2017:
yes I agree . an old saying ," a problem shared is a problem
halved." is true in this case. many women have introduced
males to wearing panties and many have held back from
encouraging for the same reasons that males hold back from sharing the pleasure they enjoy wearing lingerie .
women please tell us about when you coaxed a male to slip into
something comfortable and the pleasure that resulted , because of sharing your feelings with each other. we know you want to as much as we want to . result, no longer a problem,
Rob Ought on August 04, 2017:
Thank you for addressing a complex issue and making it a little less taboo.
phillip black on August 02, 2017:
I told my wife when I started to buy panties online, each order in mail my wife would comment how nice they were and wanted to see me in them , once in panties she wanted me to explore further,
it was easy to be introduced to a bra, I think she will next encourage me to consider stockings and suspender . I will admit the thought arouses me . how can you refuse such a request when standing there in bra and panties. great for a hot night.
gembendar on July 21, 2017:
My wife lets me wear sideless silk knickers all the time. They feel great, and I like the different colours.
Becky on December 05, 2014:
My boyfriend wears panties 24/7 and he also enjoys wearing women's lingerie in the bedroom. He told me about 4 months into our relationship and I LOVE it! Had to get used to it at first but now we love sharing our silky lingerie and panties with each other all the time. One problem for him is fitting his man parts into women's panties so we've found some great companies that create the same soft silky women's panties with the appropriate room for a man in them. My current favorite is www.thebareedge.com, some styles are more like men's briefs and some are more panty-like but I love them all on him!
gunpanties on September 07, 2011:
Totally terrified to tell my wife of 17 years of my urge to wear panties and other things. It was something I used to do in the past, but quit and had not really thought about it until about 5 weeks ago when the urge hit me like a truck.
jrock55 on August 27, 2010:
I've been wearing panties and bras since I was twelve and I used to sneek into my sister's underwear drawer. During college and the years following, I would accumulate a collection of lingerie, but I would throw it out because I felt dirty and wrong about my desire to wear it. When I started dating my wife, I threw out my collection so she wouldn't find them and think I was cheating. One night when she was on her period, she asked to wear my underwear to bed. I told her sure, if I could wear hers. She didn't bat an eye, she just handed them over and cuddled up next to me. For years to come I would borrow her panties (sometims without her knowledge) and she always said it was alright and not weird at all. I, on the other hand, still felt like a deviant and a freak for even wanting to wear them. When I came across these hub pages about men in lingerie I realized that my desire to wear lingerie is not abnormal. Recently I admitted to myself that my love of lingerie is who I am and I told my wife that I was going to be a regular lingerie wearer. She offered to buy me some but I said no thanks. If I'm going to wear the stuff I should man up and buy it myself. My first trip to the store was so exciting. I now have my own small collection of panties, and my wife looks every night to see which ones I'm wearing to bed. I look forward to expanding my collection to include bras and camis. The point of my story is that not only is it important to be open and honest with your loved one, but you also need to be open and honest with yourself. My wife makes me the happiest man in the world.
Hope Alexander (author) on July 27, 2009:
She's upset because you lied to her for 8 years and hid part of yourself. Don't think this is about lingerie, it's not, it is about you hiding who you are from her. That's a major betrayal for a woman. I am writing another article about this, so keep an eye out for it.
gee on July 27, 2009:
my mrs found my stash after 8 years of hiding. things almost fell apart, she still cannot talk about it 3 years later. what can i do ? should i just surpress the desire ?
Bernie on July 13, 2009:
My wife and I dated in high school and on our fifth dated or so I told her about my wearing lingerie and she undid pants to check out my panties. She liked them right-a-way and couldn't keep her hands off of them. She still loves to see me in lingerie. I am very lucky to have found her. Remember, honesty is always the policy.
Marti on June 29, 2009:
Hope is right on. I told my wife two weeks into our relationship, and she has been ok with it ever since. I enjoy feeling feminine, and she enjoys feeling a little masculine at times. I wear only womens clothing when at home, but I do wear manly suits for business with panties and stocking undermeath. Our sex life is great and she often times takes on the male role that is how we keep it interesting. I have no desire to be gay, I love women and everything about them. If you go into the relationship open and honest, you will find your true mate.
pantyguy on June 08, 2009:
I,ve been wearing womens panties part time since I was 17,(43 now), my first wife was turned on by it,we,d even go on panty buying trips! Now that she is divorced from me,my g/f was at my place one weekend and found panties in my wash. She didn't say a word,just washed them and put them with my other things. I later asked her if she had found anything unusual in the wash? She said it was none of her business as we were not exclusive yet,so I explained that they were mine,this opened a whole discussion on why,etc. She likes the idea and even buys for me if she sees some she thinks I,d like.
jay on March 15, 2009:
Wearing nylons for appx. 10 years. Happily married. Middle of the nite I asked her if I can wear her panty. she cracked up, then asked me if someone will see me. The very next morning she took me for shopping asked me if I like the pattern or with lace. Many women were stsnding next to us were lillte uncomfortable in the aisle. Since then we share and care about each other. She buys our nylons. At-times ,days she even let me wear hers the one wearing in the morning or afternnon.
cracklewalk on January 29, 2009:
This article is spot on. I have nothing to add.
Starsky on January 26, 2009:
I told my wife ehen we met 12 or so years ago I liked panties. One of our first Xmases she bought me some knickers as a gift. Bit too small for me bit i used them for "pleasure". Anyway years pass and I still occasionaly mentioned that I liked to wear her knickers whilst on my own in the house. She more or less ignored it. So later I wore some panties under my normal clothes and whilst we were getting intimate i told her. She didn't seem to mind and we got on with it. Nothing more really said after that so my "hobby" is still my private business. Might mention it again but she has become "grumpier" with age and a lot more judgemental.
lovepanties66 on January 08, 2009:
i old my wife my panty fetish on our wedding night back in 2006.she has been absolutley cool with it and even went shopping with me the other week to buy me some new panties.since this came out in our relaitionship i feel really good about myself and feel that to have a wife/partner that understands your fetishes/needs etc must be a strong relationship.i now own about 30pairs of my own panties now and the wife has even dedicated a drawer especially just for them.cant wait to go shopping again!!!!
John on December 11, 2008:
I have been wearing panties for over 30 years. My wife of 41 years knows I wear them and even has bought them for me when I tell her I like a certain kind. She washes them and puts them away with my other clothes and never has said a bad word about that. I love wearing them for a varity of reasons, but mostly because I enjoy the feela nd the excitement of wearing panties. I went to Pennies the other day and walked up to a sales lady and asked her for help selecting panties. I told her that I wanted to get some for my wife for christmas but after her showing me several styles, she pretty much assumed that they were for me and was very helpful in getting me the right size and styler I wanted without me ever saying they were for me. I think she knew and I will shop there often.
charlie on October 21, 2008:
34 years ago when looking at ads in paper i told my wife we should buy matching girdles. she told me no. i told her i like to wear them.i still wear girdles to this day. she dosnt stop me as long as i keep them out of the laundry.i catch her peeking at me when i get to see if i have one on. i wear all in ones girdles 36b to work most of time.when i cant wear them i wear wasthigh or pantygirdles. she still dosnt like it.
ALF48 on October 15, 2008:
It really is interesting how reactions change over time. My wife is perfectly ok with panties, though she stipulated no frills or lace, at least don't let her see that. Any kind of "top half" was just "no". Thing is, this morning I decided to 'borrow' a tactel camisole that she says she doesn't like because it doesn't fit her right. It happens to match a pair of panties that I have (same brand/collection). As I was getting ready in the morning she saw me in my panties and her cami. There was zero reaction. Granted, it could've been the fog of just waking up (still in bed) and I was walking into the bathroom so it was maybe a 3sec glimpse, but point is...even if rather uncomfortable at first, it's highly likely that if you are in a truly stable/loving relationship, your partner may just decide initial reactions aren't so well thought out and be ok with things! Just remember...respect loved ones' boundaries with anything in a relationship.
bsex on October 03, 2008:
Three years ago I was wearing panties secretly for a few weeks. Came home one day and told my wife we had to talk. First I asked for her support, then told her what I had been doing, even dropped my jeans to show her I was wearing them. She said OK, but after several months I could tell she was unhappy about it, I quit and through them out. A couple of weeks ago I again told her I wanted to wear panties again. This time she was so supportive that she took me shopping for them. Even bought me a baby-doll set. You never know how things will turn out, but for me it was something I had to do for ME.
Love the feel of the micro-fibre(with tactel) in briefs. hi-cuts & bikinis. Wear them 24/7.
Calvino from Canada on September 18, 2008:
The day my caught me wearing hers. Was the day that she decided I wasn't going to wear any more men underwear, She took alll mine and thrown them out. I remember that that day after working grave yard shifts, she just woken up and wanted todo some some shopping downtown, so I agreed, and I decided to try on her pair, so just lying in bed with a pair on, and still unwinding down from work I started to watch a movie and the next moment i knew, she was waking me up, While caught in the act, she was mad at first, and wanted to know in how long I being doing this. But after telling her she kinda thought about it and said she likes it. So that evening before work, as I got out of the shower, she had prepared my clothes for me and there was a pair for me to wear. And she commented for now on I be only wearing those for now on!!!! But I was scared in going to work just in case, but that overcome me, and there is only one co worker that knows, she okay with it! I knew i should have never bent over to pick up the box off the floor, but she was shocked and reassured me after it was okay and she won't say a word!
Ken on September 16, 2008:
I told my wife after dating her for a few months. She accepted it even if she doesn't want to have an active role in it. She lets me buy my own bras and panties. I wear them only while she is away at work . She has seen my lingerie go through the laundry, but mainly seems indifferent to my choice of undergarments. I guess it is better to her freaking out or losing a great marriage over it.
alf48 on August 27, 2008:
To Hanes...it sounds like the biggest issue is that it's still a secret. Perhaps your wife will be more taken aback by the fact that you've hid this for so long than by the fact that you like panties. I'd be more worried about that. Check out this article, http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,30925,00.html, and bring it up to her like, "Wow, never thought something like this could be mainstream!" Then you could express an interest in trying a pair of panties. She'll either blow it off or become interested herself. Either way, it gives you an easy intro. You could also not get into a full blown convo, just show her the article. Then the next day, wear a pair, show her, and express that you were interested - it got you real curious. You never know the reaction, but if you have a good marriage and an open-minded partner who truly loves you it should be alright. I'd advise staying away from lace and frill...at least at first.
hanes on August 02, 2008:
Hi, I have been wearing panties for 30 some years now. I have had gfs who OK'd them and those who did not. I don't have the courage, yet, to let my wife know, for fear she might not react positively. She found several pairs at once in my laundry, and she said that they were my mom's or something as she was previously visiting us. I did not tell her that those nylon panties were mine and that I LOVE to wear them. Am I being deceitfull? Gosh I want to wear them, openly, and admittedly, but I don't want to lose the love of my life, either. I'd give them up for her love if that's what it takes. Any advice?
Jody on August 01, 2008:
I sure wish my wife was as understanding. I told her several years ago and she freaked. If I even bring it up she goes nuts. I still do it occasionaly behind her back. I just hope I never get caught.
likewhatiam on July 12, 2008:
Hi Hope I have been wearing panties and other bits of lingerie for as long as I can remember and even when I got married I made it quite clear that I had this drive to wear what I felt comfortable in and my wife of twenty-eight years accepted that.I personally feel that there is too much double standard out there with regard to lingerie,I mean if you go to a lingerie store and look around you will see that they have copied every bit of men's underwear into female underwear but alas nothing that looks anything feminine in the men's department. Why cant we just have unisex underwear that way there can be no discrimination.Keep up the good work love your hubs
silkytouch on July 12, 2008:
I have been secretly enjoying panties since before I was a teenager. I have been married over 40 years without my wife knowing, believing I would be rejected or worse, should she find out. I told her recently after she discovered a pair of panties, which were not hers, in our laundry. After the initial shock our relationship, which was great, took a new turn, it is now incredible. 40 years ago there was no way of knowing you were not alone.
Go for it, wearing what is pleasing is the way to go, whether occasionaly or 24/7.
sloggilover on June 12, 2008:
Before getting married, my wife already knew that I worn ladies panties. She did not care whose panties I had been wearing but she tried to buy me more so that I would only wear hers.
We had been going to Mall to choose and buying panties together, and very lucky, we are almost the same build, we both wear L size (size 34 - 36), we always share or wear the same design.
My wife totally support me wearing ladies panties. She even told her sister that I'm look extra sexy when putting on panties. For me, I prefer ladies panties which are more comfort and sexy, I do not own any men brief now.
chris on June 08, 2008:
I met my curent gf on a dating site and we talked on line before we met in peerson and i told her i wear lingerie before we met in person she was cool with it and even buys me panties and bras to wear annd now has got me wearing gilrs jeans
Hope Alexander (author) on June 03, 2008:
Great advice, Alf!
ALF48 on June 03, 2008:
What hope said is about dead on. You try easing it in, every so often. In fact, you may even find that once she's used it, it's not even a big deal to you anymore. The fact that she's accepted (if she does) takes away a bit of the thrill and "forbidden" nature. I found this part very interesting. If she really doesn't dig it, do your thing, but don't be obnoxious about it. Put on your favorites while she's at work, you're alone, etc. It's true, relationships are all give and take. If it's a relationship truly worth your being it, it'll be ok if all that's at hand is that you like the feel/fit of lingerie from time to time!
Hope Alexander (author) on May 26, 2008:
Well can'tthinkofname, the reality is that not every woman is going to be supportive of her man wearing lingerie. If she is uncomfortable with it, you could follow the lead of some of the other men on these comments and perhaps buy panties that are men's style, but in smooth pretty fabrics. See what she says, and try easing the topic in that way. Or you may have to simply wear lingerie in your own time. Relationships take a lot of work, and she may come around to the idea, or she may never really be comfortable with it. All you can really "do" is take things slowly and don't deny yourself the pleasure of wearing lingerie, but don't throw it all in her face at once either.
cantthinkofname on May 26, 2008:
okay. so i told my partner that i like wearing lingerie, and she said that it was cute, but when ever i bring it up she doesn't really want to talk about it. i think it makes her uncomfortable. what should i do?
Hope Alexander (author) on May 17, 2008:
This is another comment from ALF48, edited to be family friendly:
Just a quick update for those who still might be pondering what their girl's reaction might be. My fiancé came home from work today and took a shower. When she got out and was getting dressed I suggested she wear a certain pair of panties. Her response was, "Why? So I can match you? I saw when you bent over before. Ok!" Then we talked about some 'activities' for later and even taking some photos! I think she must know (we are wearing the same panties--color and style--, just different size) they're truly womens, though her last comment about them was about the oddity of being able to find such an identical men's version.
Long story short, (see my last post) I am going to respect her preferences and stay away from what does make her uncomfortable. But literally a few days after buying my first pair of panties, she and I are matching and it's all good! There is indeed a happy medium. A panty ___ can be fun, indeed! It just needs to be just that - not something indicative of much deeper desires/issues that could lead "elsewhere"...don't even want to think about that.
ALF48 on May 16, 2008:
I am engaged and will be getting married in about 4 months. Even though I've been with the same woman for almost four years now, she had no clue about my panty fetish (if that's what it can be called). I would from time to time grab a pair from her drawer while she has at work and enjoy them for a few minutes; never a whole day or while she was at home. I am also guilty of swiping a random pair here and there from female friends in high school.
About a month ago I switched from boxers to men's bikini briefs. At first she was a little weirded out by them, citing that they were very similar to what she wore, but none-the-less open to the change and willing to get used to it. This last week I came home with three new pairs, this time all three being true women's panties. One pair, which the fiancé didn't mind at all, is just a stretchier/softer bikini. The second is an exact same pair (shinier string bikini) that she has. Again, the response here was that it seems a little odd, but she'll get used to it, no worries. The third is of the same material as the second but has lace all the way around at the waist band. This pair was "slightly disturbing" and while her response was to wear at it as I please, she asked that I change out of it before she ever has to see it. They're too feminine and all her societal conceptions say that's gay, even if she knows it's completely not the case - which it very much isn't.
I must say, for an initial reaction it was great. The only problem is that she honestly thinks they're men's underwear, just of some wild new Euro-fashion kick. I'm not sure if I'll be able to eventually say, "Hey babe, they're actually off the women's rack." Maybe one day!
Hope Alexander (author) on March 21, 2008:
Unfortunately, I would say probably not. 1) You sprang this on her after you were married, which means you hid things from her for a long time, which she has every right to be angry and upset about and 2) If you want her to come to like it, you are going to have to get off your ass and really do something for her as well. Just telling her and expecting her to get used to it isn't fair or realistic.
HOPKINS on March 21, 2008:
I TOLD MY WIFE THAT I LIKE TO WEAR PANTIES AND SHE SAID SHE DID NOT LIKE IT AT ALL. BUT I COULD, DO YOU THINK THAT IF I JUST GIVE IT TIME SHE MAY COME TO LIKE IT
Hope Alexander (author) on February 02, 2008:
Interesting. You married a woman who thought a) she needed insurance against you cheating, and b)that ALL women were narrow minded and must like the same things she liked and dislike the same things she disliked.
Check out a few of comments on the other hubs on this topic to see that quite a few women love their men in lingerie.
Of course, it's generally nice if you tell people about these things before they take vows and make what is supposedly a life long commitment to you. I doubt many women, regardless of whether they liked it or not, would want to be blindsided shortly after marriage with things their husband had kept from them up to that point.
Greg on February 02, 2008:
I told my wife when we got married and she was just too happy for me to wear lingerie as she said it was a kind of security for her as she figured that if I droped my pants for some other woman and she saw that I was wearing lingerie like her she would run for her life or kill herself laughing
Isabella Snow on November 27, 2007:
Oh my.. I'd want to know on the first (and last) date. I could not get down with that. Great hub!
SatinJenni on November 23, 2007:
I believe your advice to be bang on. In all my years of hanging around the cross dresser, transvestite, transsexual, gender dysphoria type boards ...many men have expressed a fear of telling their significant other. In my own case, I always felt privileged because I had informed my wife shortly after we started dating and she still accepted me for who I was. (This was in the days before the Internet. At the time, although I knew some guys were into wearing womens underwear, I had no idea how many of us there actually was). Telling my wife early in our relationship about my fondness for women's lingerie was the best thing I ever did. Twenty five years later we are still going strong. She is now "into it" as much as myself if not more. She buys me gifts of lingerie (unlike many guys, she knows my sizes and preferences when giving me a gift) I sleep wearing ladies sleepwear,(satin chemise's and panties are my favourites) . My lingerie collection has grown to be larger than most women. All I can add is guys...tell her early and usually the outcome is not at all bad.