How to Tell if Your Lesbian Friend Has a Crush on You (And You're a Straight Girl)

Updated on January 2, 2017

So you have a gay friend. She's a confirmed bachelorette, a girl who likes girls, a follower of Sappho's teachings. The thing is, you get the feeling that maybe she's feeling gay about someone specific lately, and that specific someone is you.

Now, you're straight and basically uninterested in women in a romantic sense, and want to know if this girl might have the wrong idea and if she might be trying to get you to jump the fence, so to speak. Of course, you don't want to be presumptuous and just assume that this is the case.

So how do you know?

Well, clearly, there's no way to know for sure without just outright asking her, but here are some signs she may have the hots for you:


- She responds eagerly when you complain about men.

Every time you're like: "Ugh, I hate men. They're just don't listen!" she's all ears. She might be taking you literally, even if that's only your frustration with one particular guy that's talking. She might agree with you enthusiastically and tell you that all men are irritating and that you deserve something better, etc.

Which can lead to...

- She tells you about how much better women are.

She'll go on and on about how much better it is to date women than men. She'll complain about any past boyfriends she had before she "came out" and how her love life is so much better. She'll list all the things women are better at doing than men, and insist that men are emotionally more closed up, or any other number of things that more or less fit the stereotype. She'll tell you about how she used to date men just on reflex, because that's what was expected of her, but now can't imagine being attracted to a man.

She'll point out all the flaws she can think of in males, bring up feminist theory, anything like that. She'll tell you about how relationships with other women are just easier because you understand each other and don't have to deal with silly men who are afraid to express their feelings. She'll tell you how lesbian relationships are deeper and that (maybe in not so many words) all icky men care about is your body, anyway.

She might even go so far as to express the (mostly true) sentiment that women are pretty and men are ugly.


- She tells you that gender shouldn't matter.

She might take a different angle. She might just ask you why gender matters. "Are you really going to rule out people just based on what's in their pants?" she'll say, almost implying that you're a bigot of some kind.

Of course that's besides the point. There's more to a man or a woman than what's in their pants, after all.

"What if there was a person that was totally compatible with you and was everything you wanted, except she happened to be a girl?" she'll ask. This is a test. You'll look like you're not open-minded if you answer it "wrong."

The best way to handle this is to just say you haven't met a girl that you liked in that way yet, one that was romantically compatible with you and was "everything you wanted." Just leave it at that and there's not much she can say.

- She asks you if you've ever kissed a girl / dated a girl / thought about being with a girl.

She figures that if you've thought about it, maybe you secretly have a desire to partake of the fruit of lesbionic delight.

She's looking for cracks. If you kind of shrug and say, "Sure, I've thought about it," then she'll sense sexual flexibility in you there. This is enough for a seed of hope in her.

If hope is not something you want her to have, be clear that you would never actually be with a girl, regardless of any thoughts you may have had about it. Tell her that it's normal for straight girls to entertain that kind of thought once or twice because, after all, without introspection, how do you know if you're gay or straight in the first place? Tell her it's exactly because you have thought about this stuff that you know that you're straight.


These are just a few of the signs. (If there are any others that come to mind, comment away.) Be sure to be kind if you turn her down, of course, as there's no reason to freak out and plenty of reason to be flattered. On the other hand, maybe you might want to give it some thought--maybe she's right, and gender shouldn't matter, after all...


Questions & Answers

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      • profile image

        Ayva 

        6 months ago

        Nice article actually. Next time, sticking to an article you can relate to as a man would be a better approach. That it if you would like to avoid unnecessarily butthurt comments. Just think: a lesbian woman giving you tips on how to hook up with a straight male (this is hypothetical) Won't go to well, would it? :)

      • profile image

        Ellie Ross 

        6 months ago

        Hey... what if she has asked me directly if I wanted to be more then friends. This must be a really confusing time for her, I mean, we're only 11

      • profile image

        Pipper 

        7 months ago

        I have a lesbian friend who made a move on me. She tried kissing me. I am freaking out that maybe I unintentionally led her on in some way without knowing it. I am a little socially awkward. We were both a little drunk. Now I feel terrible in case I did. She has never said any of these things to me.

      • thehands profile imageAUTHOR

        Jorge Vamos 

        4 years ago

        What are you talking about, jlpark? This hub is totally useful. Maybe not to you, but I'm sure someone somewhere finds it entertaining. And when did I say a gay person automatically finds everyone of the same gender hot?

        And @crissytsu: Lol, I'm not even a girl. You'd know that if you read any of my other hubs, instead of just assuming...and you know what they say about assuming.

        Some people seem to have taken this hub the wrong way. It's not meant to imply that lesbians recruit people or anything like that. It is about the *specific* situation where a specific woman who happens to be a lesbian is trying to get into the pants of another woman. Not all lesbian women are interested in any particular straight woman of course, but if one was...this article is supposed to list some signs that she might be. That's all.

        I mean, jeez, do you guys just scan a given article for key words, and when one of those key words hits the "homophobia alarm" you immediately scroll down to the comments to give your 2 cents about something I didn't even say?

      • jlpark profile image

        Jacqui 

        5 years ago from New Zealand

        How to tell if you are so far wrong it's stupid?

        By your own admission TheHands you are a man, not a lesbian, nor a woman - so, you are an authority on this subject how?

        Aside from the fact it's completely wrong - and now, if anyone is silly enough to believe each of these examples, you have made life harder for lesbians with female friends out there...

        It's arrogant to think that any lesbian woman is going to like you just because you are a woman, or a gay man is going to like you just because you are a man, just as it's arrogant to think anyone of the opposite gender is going to think you are hot just because you are the opposite gender to them.

        To anyone who believed this hub - she's not looking for cracks, she's not likely trying to convince you to come on over to our side - it's not something we can recruit you into, or change you to being.

        Thehands.....try writing something useful.

      • crissytsu profile image

        crissytsu 

        5 years ago from Texas

        This is completely ridiculous...I agree with everyone else who says there is obviously a HOMOPHOBIC straight girl behind this post. I'll tell you right now, I have tons of straight friends and not once have I tried to get into their pants using any of the above tactics...If you wanna know the truth, I never hit on straight girls first and rarely do I ever respond if they hit on me first--I'm not going to be their experimental first lesbian experience. I have more respect for my friends than that. This is hilarious.

        @Ashley...if she's kissing on you then maybe...stick your tongue in her mouth next time and find out. LOL j/k

      • profile image

        Ashley 

        6 years ago

        this doesn't help me at all! im bi and i have a close friend that's a butch lesbian and we like kissed here and there (not like french) and people thought we were dating but now i like her and i think she likes me but im not sure on a gross side i fart in front of her and stuff and she farts in frnt of everybody else but me soooooo i kinda thought that was a sign cause i used to hold back in front of someone i liked

      • thehands profile imageAUTHOR

        Jorge Vamos 

        6 years ago

        Psst, Teeze: That's all well and good, but I'm not a straight woman. Worse! I'm a man! (And a presumptuous and borderline offensive man, at that. :P)

      • michememe profile image

        Miche Wro 

        6 years ago

        I have had these things happen twice. I had to inform them, it's just not my thing. I really LOVE men.

      • profile image

        Yo mama 

        6 years ago

        You wish someone was trying to seduce you. Not likely.

      • bmukherjii profile image

        bmukherjii 

        6 years ago

        I think the author has written some true facts. I had a childhood friend in school days, I can relate these things to her. That time I used to feel little awkward as she used to behave the similar way the author has described in this article.

      • profile image

        Summer 

        6 years ago

        I couldn't help but laugh! Somwhere there is a straight chick believen this garbage.. I can't help but wonder if the author truly believes what he or wrote. But I was good for a laugh.

      • xethonxq profile image

        xethonxq 

        6 years ago

        AND....she drops everything (like watching your favorite football game with a bunch of friends on a Sunday) when you call and want to do something or just wanna talk...lol. :) Great hub...such truth! :)

      • profile image

        OHMYGAWD 

        6 years ago

        this is just so wrong!

        of course we hope the girl we are fond of likes us to,

        but we never try to recruit or brainwash them to become a lesbian,we are usually the passive one(at least im).

      • profile image

        neco84 

        6 years ago

        Lol! Im a femenine lesbian and have crushes in straight girls sometimes. Not once have i tried any of those lines to get with a straight girl. Usually i found that when it comes to lesbians, we mostly let the straight make 90% of the moves as we are sure of our sexuality and don't want to embarass ourselves or pressure a straight girl and convincing her she's gay.

      • Cashbackshopper profile image

        Cashbackshopper 

        6 years ago

        I found it funny some where.

      • profile image

        Teeze 

        6 years ago

        I am a lesbian, and I have been out for 15 years, now. I find this hub to be inaccurate, presumptious, and borderline offensive. Im curious as to how a straight woman can give advice from a lesbian's perspective, as this is not the way we think about the topic, at all. In all honesty, we don't think about it. We don't have an agenda to "recruit" heterosexual women, either.

      • bugslady8949 profile image

        bugslady8949 

        7 years ago from The Bahamas

        I think you did a great job on this hub.I do not have any girlfriends that are gay but,I have encountered girls who wanted me to go out with them but I am straight I usually tell them the truth. I am no way interested whether you call me a bigot or not,its your problem. keep up the good work.

      • profile image

        cindy 

        7 years ago

        LOL bring up feminst theory. You made my day :)

      • profile image

        John.  

        7 years ago

        this post is wrong on so many levels it is insulting. But congratulation! You just evoked the twisted lesbian stereotype!

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