How to Tell if Your Lesbian Friend Has a Crush on You (And You're a Straight Girl)
So you have a gay friend. She's a confirmed bachelorette, a girl who likes girls, a follower of Sappho's teachings. The thing is, you get the feeling that maybe she's feeling gay about someone specific lately, and that specific someone is you.
Now, you're straight and basically uninterested in women in a romantic sense, and want to know if this girl might have the wrong idea and if she might be trying to get you to jump the fence, so to speak. Of course, you don't want to be presumptuous and just assume that this is the case.
So how do you know?
Well, clearly, there's no way to know for sure without just outright asking her, but here are some signs she may have the hots for you:
- She responds eagerly when you complain about men.
Every time you're like: "Ugh, I hate men. They're just don't listen!" she's all ears. She might be taking you literally, even if that's only your frustration with one particular guy that's talking. She might agree with you enthusiastically and tell you that all men are irritating and that you deserve something better, etc.
Which can lead to...
- She tells you about how much better women are.
She'll go on and on about how much better it is to date women than men. She'll complain about any past boyfriends she had before she "came out" and how her love life is so much better. She'll list all the things women are better at doing than men, and insist that men are emotionally more closed up, or any other number of things that more or less fit the stereotype. She'll tell you about how she used to date men just on reflex, because that's what was expected of her, but now can't imagine being attracted to a man.
She'll point out all the flaws she can think of in males, bring up feminist theory, anything like that. She'll tell you about how relationships with other women are just easier because you understand each other and don't have to deal with silly men who are afraid to express their feelings. She'll tell you how lesbian relationships are deeper and that (maybe in not so many words) all icky men care about is your body, anyway.
She might even go so far as to express the (mostly true) sentiment that women are pretty and men are ugly.
- She tells you that gender shouldn't matter.
She might take a different angle. She might just ask you why gender matters. "Are you really going to rule out people just based on what's in their pants?" she'll say, almost implying that you're a bigot of some kind.
Of course that's besides the point. There's more to a man or a woman than what's in their pants, after all.
"What if there was a person that was totally compatible with you and was everything you wanted, except she happened to be a girl?" she'll ask. This is a test. You'll look like you're not open-minded if you answer it "wrong."
The best way to handle this is to just say you haven't met a girl that you liked in that way yet, one that was romantically compatible with you and was "everything you wanted." Just leave it at that and there's not much she can say.
- She asks you if you've ever kissed a girl / dated a girl / thought about being with a girl.
She figures that if you've thought about it, maybe you secretly have a desire to partake of the fruit of lesbionic delight.
She's looking for cracks. If you kind of shrug and say, "Sure, I've thought about it," then she'll sense sexual flexibility in you there. This is enough for a seed of hope in her.
If hope is not something you want her to have, be clear that you would never actually be with a girl, regardless of any thoughts you may have had about it. Tell her that it's normal for straight girls to entertain that kind of thought once or twice because, after all, without introspection, how do you know if you're gay or straight in the first place? Tell her it's exactly because you have thought about this stuff that you know that you're straight.
These are just a few of the signs. (If there are any others that come to mind, comment away.) Be sure to be kind if you turn her down, of course, as there's no reason to freak out and plenty of reason to be flattered. On the other hand, maybe you might want to give it some thought--maybe she's right, and gender shouldn't matter, after all...
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.