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How to Know If You Are Bisexual: A Guide for Coming Out to Yourself

Jennifer Wilber is a writer, teacher, and bisexual rights activist from Ohio.

Am I Bi?

It’s not uncommon to question your sexuality at some point in your life, especially during adolescence and early adulthood. With all the discussion of the LGBT+ community going on in the media today, you might not be sure if certain feelings you are experiencing are real or not, or how to define your feelings—especially if you sometimes find yourself attracted to people who identify as something other than male or female.

How can you really be sure if what you are feeling is real? You may have noticed that you feel attraction toward men, women, and possibly to people who identify outside the gender binary, but you aren’t quite sure if your attraction is strong enough to qualify you for the “bisexual” label. How can you really be sure if you are bisexual? The short answer is that only you can determine what label best describes your sexual orientation. If you identify as bisexual, then you are bisexual. However, if you are reading this article, you probably want a more in-depth explanation to help you to answer this very personal question.

What Is Bisexuality?

What does it mean to be bisexual?

There have been many different proposed definitions. Bisexuality is commonly defined as attraction to people of both genders, but this definition doesn’t quite cover the broad range of attraction that bisexual individuals may experience, as it is quite possible for people who identify as bisexual to be attracted to people who identify outside of the male/female binary or to be attracted to different genders in different ways. Below, I share my own definition.

Do I have to be equally attracted to men and women to be bisexual?

Not necessarily. The common definition of bisexuality doesn’t account for different levels or types of attraction that bisexual people may experience toward different types of people. In other words, the meaning of the word "attraction" itself varies from person to person. It is also common for people who are unsure of their sexual orientation to wonder if they can actually be bisexual if they are not equally attracted to both men and women.

What if I usually like men, but I'm also attracted to one specific woman?

Many people wonder if they are bi if they are usually attracted to men, but find themselves interested in one particular woman or vice versa. A sudden interest in someone outside of your normal “type” can be a confusing experience.

Bisexuality Defined

A commonly agreed upon best definition for bisexuality in the bi community comes from prominent bisexual activist Robyn Ochs, who describes her sexual orientation thus:

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge in myself the potential to be attracted, romantically and/or sexually, to people of more than one sex, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

It is very possible to identify as bisexual, even if your attraction to different genders differs in some way.

Am I bisexual or pansexual? What's the difference?

Many bisexuals describe themselves as being attracted to different characteristics in different genders or individuals, as opposed to people who identify as “pansexual,” who experience attraction patterns similar to bisexuals, but tend to describe themselves as being attracted to people regardless of gender. People who identify as pansexual rather than bisexual are generally accepted and included in the overall bi+ community.

Are there different kinds of bisexuality?

Researchers have proposed several different “types” of bisexual individuals, based on the different ways in which bisexual identified individuals experience attraction. Some bisexual people may be more attracted to one gender or another, or be attracted to different sexes in different ways. The sex and sexuality researchers Martin Weinberg, Colin Williams, and Douglas Pryor identified three different types of bisexuality in their book Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality. Below, I add two more.

Five “Types” of Bisexuality

  • Heterosexual-leaning” – Bi individuals who consistently experience greater physical and emotional attraction toward people of the other sex.
  • Homosexual-leaning” – Bi individuals who consistently experience greater physical and emotional attraction toward people of the same sex.
  • "Varied type" – Bi individuals who consistently experience greater emotional attraction toward one gender and greater physical attraction toward the other sex. Experiencing this type of bisexuality can be particularly confusing, since society generally expects a person’s emotional and physical attraction to match.
  • "50/50" – While it is a myth that all bi people experience equal attraction to men and women, there are some bi-identified individuals who do experience a nearly even 50/50 split between their attraction to men and women.
  • "Outside the binary" – Many bi people may find that a potential partner’s gender expression is unimportant, and more interested in a person for their personality. These people are more likely to be physically and/or emotionally attracted to people who identify outside of the gender binary, in addition to men and women. These people may also identify as "pansexual." Pansexuality is a similar orientation to bisexuality. Some people may identify more strongly with one label or the other, or use both interchangeably.

Attempts to identify specific types of bisexuality may not be entirely useful, as there are as many different ways to experience bisexuality as there are people who identify as bi. We are all unique, despite having some shared experiences and similar patterns of attraction. The only thing we really all have in common is being attracted to people of multiple genders.

A bisexual person might potentially be attracted  to a variety of gender identities and expressions, but not necessarily in the same way or at the same time or degree.

A bisexual person might potentially be attracted to a variety of gender identities and expressions, but not necessarily in the same way or at the same time or degree.

The Kinsey Scale

No discussion of bisexuality would be complete without mentioning Dr. Alfred Kinsey’s research and what is known as the “Kinsey Scale.” Dr. Kinsey was a leading sexuality researcher who was heavily involved in research regarding sexual behavior and attraction in men and women. The Kinsey Scale, also known as the “Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale,” is a tool he developed based on his observations of human sexuality. Kinsey found that most people are not exclusively heterosexual or homosexual, but rather, fall somewhere in between on a spectrum. The Kinsey Scale was first published in Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948.

The scale identifies individuals as fitting into the following categories, based on their sexual behaviors:

Where Do You Fit on the Sexual Spectrum?

RATINGDESCRIPTION

0

Exclusively heterosexual

1

Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2

Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3

Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4

Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5

Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6

Exclusively homosexual

X

No socio-sexual contacts or reactions

There is some debate as to which “scores” on the Kinsey scale qualify as bisexuality. Some people insist that only 2s, 3s, and 4s are bisexual, whereas others consider everyone who falls between 1-5 to be bisexual. The Kinsey scale is only meant to be used a general guideline for categorizing sexual orientation.

How can I find out what my Kinsey score is? Is there a test?

There isn’t an official test you can take to determine your Kinsey score, though several websites do offer their own versions of a Kinsey scale test. Where you fall on the Kinsey scale is determined by your own interpretation of your attractions and sexual behavior. Only you can decide how you feel comfortable identifying.

Kinsey's Scale of Sexual Responses to Indicate Degrees of Sexual Orientation

how-to-know-if-you-are-actually-bisexual

So Am I Bisexual or Not?

If you feel attraction toward people of your own and other genders, you can wear the bisexual label with pride! However, if you feel a different label better reflects your sexual orientation, that is okay too. The purpose of using different labels to identify your sexual orientation to others is simply to make it easier to tell people a little bit about who you are. Only you can determine what label, if any, best applies to you.

Coming Out as Bisexual

Many LGBT+ individuals, including bisexuals, feel a great sense of freedom upon coming out. Proudly wearing the bisexual label can help you to find a sense of community within the bi+ community. There is still the problem of bi-erasure and biphobia even within the LGBT+ community as a whole, but the benefits of being true to yourself may outweigh any negative experiences you may encounter after accepting yourself for who you are.

What is the difference between gender identity, gender expression, biological sex, and sexual orientation?

What is the difference between gender identity, gender expression, biological sex, and sexual orientation?

Poll

Frequently Asked Questions About Bisexuality

What if I'm attracted to men, women, AND people who don't identify as either male or female?

"Pansexuality" is when your sexual preference isn't limited by biological sex, gender, or gender identity. Pansexuality acknowledges that there are more than two genders.

What if I don't feel attracted to EITHER men OR women?

An "asexual" person is someone who might not experience intense feelings of sexual attraction. So while a bisexual person might be attracted to various genders, an asexual person might not feel especially sexually attracted to anyone.

I’m scared to tell my family I’m bi.

When you come out to someone, you are taking a trusting step towards them. You are saying, "I trust you, so I'm going to be honest and vulnerable with you: This is who I am." But if you don't feel this trust, if you aren't comfortable coming out to your family, you don't have to tell them right now. It is okay to wait until you are comfortable enough to tell them, or even to never come out to them. If you are under 18 and/or still living with your family, you may want to wait until you are more independent before coming out. Some teens and young adults do get kicked out of their parent's homes when they come out as LGBT+, especially those raised in more conservative families/communities. The only person you really need to come out to is yourself.

How can I tell my family I'm bisexual?

When and if you do decide to come out, it might be helpful for you to think about what you want to say ahead of time. You don't have to memorize a speech, but it might help to have a general idea of how you want to say it. Be prepared for awkwardness, emotion, confusion, and lots of questions. Reassure them that you are the same person they've always known only now you're being more open and honest with them about that part of your life.

What if they say it’s just a phase? What if they disregard what I'm saying?

If you are afraid that they will say it is "just a phase," you may want to have some written materials on hand to help them understand that it is not just a phase but an actual sexual identity. Bisexual activist Robyn Ochs has written books and articles about bisexuality, so she may be a good place to start if you need research materials to show your family.

Could bisexuality be a phase in someone's life?

This is a common misconception. However, most bisexual people remain attracted to multiple genders throughout their lives, even when they're in long-term monogamous relationships.

Are bisexual people more sexual?

Sexual orientation is about attraction, not behavior. It's about who a person is attracted to, not how they act (or don't act) on that attraction. Bisexual people can be just as faithful and monogamous as people of any other sexual orientation.

Can I change my mind about my sexuality?

Although bisexuality is not a phase, some people may find that their feelings shift throughout their lives. For example, a bi woman may think that she is more attracted to men but, years later, may find herself more attracted to women. Although your overall orientation tends to remain the same, it is normal for feelings to fluctuate or shift over time.

What if I'm confused about my sexuality?

It is very common to feel confused about your sexual orientation, especially if you grew up in a family that didn't accept LGBT+ people. When you're still young, and especially if you haven't yet experienced much sexually, it is completely "normal" to have lots of questions. My best advice to you is give yourself time to know yourself before you decide what and who you are. Your don't need to put a label on your sexuality right now. Just live your life. Eventually, you may figure out what label best describes you.

The bisexual pride flag by Peter Salanki

The bisexual pride flag by Peter Salanki

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: What if I’m still not sure if I am bi?

Answer: Don't feel like you need to put a label on your sexuality right now. Just live your life. Eventually, you may figure out what label best describes you. If you think that you might be bisexual, there is a good chance that you are.

Question: How do I know if I am bisexual?

Answer: If you find yourself attracted to people of your gender and another gender, then you can identify as bisexual. Remember, you can still be bisexual even if you are a bit more attracted to one gender or if your attraction to different genders is different. For example, you might be a woman who is more romantically attracted to men, but more sexually attracted to women (in this case, you could consider yourself either bisexual or be more specific and identify as heteroromantic and homosexual). You can identify in whatever way you are comfortable identifying.

Question: What should I do if I want to tell my friends and parents right away that I'm bisexual, but I'm scared that I may be wrong?

Answer: If you feel that your parents and friends will be accepting of you, you should tell them when you feel comfortable. However, don't tell them if you are still unsure about your sexual orientation.

If you come out as bisexual and later realize that a different label better describes your sexual orientation, it is okay to begin to use a different identity label. If you do someday find that a different label better fits you, you may have to come out to the people in your life again.

Question: I just came out to my family as Bi, and their reaction was terrible. What should I do?

Answer: Since you have already come out to them, you can't go back into the closet. The best thing you can do is to try to educate them about LGBT+ issues. Try to explain to them that you are still the same person that you have always been, regardless of your sexual orientation. If they are making your feel unsafe, try to find a support system outside of your family in case you need someone else to turn to.

If your family is making you feel unsafe because of your sexuality, and if you still live with your parents or rely on family for financial support, you will want to make sure you can support yourself if you are over 18, just in case they turn their back on you. It is unfortunate, but many young adults find themselves homeless after coming out to homophobic family members, especially those who were raised in very conservative environments.

If your family won't come around, and if you feel unsafe, it is okay to distance yourself from toxic family members. If you are an adult and are living on your own, you may want to take a step back and let your family process your revelation about your bisexuality. Give them some time to come to terms with it. Once you have given them enough space, try to start a mature dialogue with them regarding your sexual orientation once more. You may want to prepare some talking points and research to show them that bisexuality is not just a phase, and that LGBT+ are just like everyone else.

Question: I’m scared to tell my family I’m bi. I’m sure they will think it’s a phase. What do I do?

Answer: If you aren't comfortable coming out to your family yet, you don't need to feel like you must tell them right now. It is okay to wait until you are comfortable enough to tell them, or even to never come out to them.

When and if you do decide to come out to them, it could help to prepare what you want to say ahead of time. If you are afraid that they will say it is just a phase, you may want to have materials written by older bisexual activists ready to show them that it is not a phase, but an actual sexual identity. Bisexual activist Robyn Ochs has written books and articles about bisexuality, so she may be a good place to start if you need research materials to show your family.

If you are under 18 and still living with your family, you may want to wait until you are more independent before coming out to them. It is unfortunate, but some teens and young adults do get kicked out of their parent's homes when they come out as LGBT+, especially those raised in more conservative families/communities.

Question: How old should you be to come out?

Answer: You can come out at any age, but if you are still living with your parents, you may want to wait to come out to them until you can live on your own if you think they may not be unsupportive. Some people figure out their orientation at a young age, while other people might not figure it out until middle age or even older. It all depends on the individual.

Question: I talked to someone who identifies as bi, and she said she had a crush on a girl when she was young but didn't understand it. And when she explained what she felt I automatically thought about a really good friend of mine who is also a girl. And now I don't know if I really have a crush on her or if I'm just convincing myself. Is there a way to know for sure?

Answer: You can ask yourself a few questions to determine if you do have a crush on this girl. Do you think about doing romantic or sexual things with this girl? Do you want to go on dates with her and kiss her? Does the thought of her dating someone else make you feel jealous? Or do you simply like spending time with her as a friend?

I'm assuming you are in high school or middle school based on your question. This can be an awkward time for many people as you are still figuring things out. Let me use a couple of examples from my past to help you figure things out.

Before I admitted to myself that I was bi, I had crushes on some girls but didn't want to admit it. In middle school, there was a girl I liked, and I thought about her as much as I did any boy I ever had a crush on. I tried to tell myself that it was just a "friend crush," not a real crush (that I just wanted to be better friends with her), even though I thought about her way more than I thought about anyone else I was just friends with.

Fast forward a few years to high school. There was a boy I was friends with and thought I had a crush on. I assumed it was a regular crush, because he was a boy. (At this point, I knew I was attracted to girls and boys, but still didn't want to admit that I was bi to anyone). Eventually, I realized that I did not have a crush on him because when I imagined kissing him, I felt kind of grossed out. It turns out I just liked hanging out with him as a friend, but did not have any romantic or sexual feelings for him. Because of the cultural narrative that any interaction between boys and girls is inherently romantic, I assumed that I must like him that way if I liked him at all, even though that turned out to not be the case. So it is possible to think you have a crush on someone, but then realize that you only really like them as a friend.

There was also another girl whom I had a crush on at this same time that I thought I had a crush on that boy, but I tried to suppress those feelings because she was a girl, even though sometimes she did seem to be interested in me, but I never trust my own gaydar, so I wasn't sure if she even liked girls, let alone me (turns out she was gay, though who knows if she ever liked me back). It's possible to have crushes on multiple people at the same time, however, in this case, I didn't like that boy in that way, even though I thought I did for a while.

Also, before I was ready to admit to myself that I am bi, I would feel kind of uncomfortable walking past ads featuring sexy women, such as the ones in front of Victoria's Secret. I was sure someone would notice me looking a little too intently at those images if I allowed myself to look at them at all, so I averted my gaze. Straight women wouldn't even think anything of it and would have no physical reaction to those types of images.

So ask yourself. Can you picture yourself in romantic situations with this girl? Or do you simply enjoy spending time with her? Do you find yourself physically attracted to girls you know or to images of sexy women in the media? Do you have the same kinds of thoughts about women that you have about men?

Question: I think I’m Bi. I like people of the same sex and other sex, yet I’m still not sure. How do I know?

Answer: If you're attracted to the same sex and other sex, and think you are Bi, then you are Bi.

Question: Can you be attracted to males and females but still prefer to date males? But what would that even be called?

Answer: If you’re attracted to males and females, but prefer to date males, you are simply bisexual with a preference for males.

Question: Recently, I started to question my sexuality again, and I find myself thinking that I might be heteroromantic bisexual. How can I be sure?

Answer: If you find that you only have romantic feelings for the opposite gender, but sexual feelings for both genders, then you may be heteroromantic and bisexual.

Perhaps you have sexual fantasies involving both men and women, or you find yourself having sexual thoughts about attractive members of both sexes. However, you maybe you only get actual crushes on the opposite sex, or only find yourself wanting to date or be in relationships with the opposite sex. In this case, you may be heteroromantic and bisexual.

You can still identify as bisexual for the sake of simplicity if that is the identity you are comfortable with. Remember, you can be more attracted to one sex or the other and still be bi, or be attracted to different genders in different ways and still be bi.

You can even be attracted to people who identify outside the gender binary, or people who identify as something other than male or female, and still identify as bisexual.

If you are attracted to different genders, you are very likely bisexual. Romantic orientation can sometimes differ from sexual orientation, so it is possible to be heteroromantic and bisexual, or biromantic and heterosexual or homosexual, or any other combination. While it isn't as common as having sexual and romantic orientations that agree with each other, many people have different sexual and romantic orientations.

Question: I come from a very religious family that doesn’t accept LGBT and I am bi. How can I come out to them?

Answer: Before deciding how to come out to them, you should determine whether or not it is a good idea to come out to them in the first place. If you are very unaccepting of LGBT people, you may want to at least wait until you are on your own before you come out to them. Obviously you won't be able to keep it a secret forever if you end up in a serious same-sex relationship or marriage.

If you do decide to come out to them, you may want to come out individually to family members whom you think are more likely to be accepting first. You could sit down with them and say something like "I have something I need to tell you. I know you might not be accepting of LGBT people, but I am bisexual. I have known for a long time now. This doesn't change anything about me. I am still the same person, and I hope you still love me. It was really hard for me to get up the courage to come out to you, and I hope you won't be mad at me."

Question: I engaged sexually with men, but I fall emotionally for women, and fantasize about them more often. I don't have the courage to interact with the same gender because I grew up with my mom who used to hate finding out I have lesbian friends. But looking back, I never really loved any man even though I have sex with them. My attraction to women is still incomparable to the men I've been with. I get confused about my sexuality today. What should I do?

Answer: It is very common to feel confused about your sexual orientation if you grew up in a family that didn't accept LGBT+ people. From your question, it sounds like you are more interested in women, even though you have more experience with men. If you grew up afraid to be anything but straight, it makes sense that you would try to suppress your feelings for women, and force yourself to like men.

You might be bisexual, or you might be a lesbian. Ask yourself, do you actually find yourself attracted to men, or do you only date them because you feel like that is what you are supposed to do? Remember, you may still be bisexual even if you are a bit more attracted to one or the other. It doesn't have to be 50/50. However, if you find that you were never really attracted to men, you may be a lesbian.

If you feel that you are more attracted to women, you might want to pursue dating women to find out if that is what you really want. As long as you are financially independent of your mother, who is not supportive of you even having lesbian friends, live your life the way you want. If you find that you only want to be with women, don't let fears of what your family might thing get in the way of your happiness.

Question: Could bisexuality be a phase in someone's life?

Answer: It is a common misconception that bisexuality is just a phase. Most bisexual people remain attracted to multiple genders throughout their lives, even if they enter into a long-term monogamous relationship or marriage.

Even if someone who identifies as bisexual is in a monogamous relationship, they are still bisexual. Sexual orientation refers to who a person is attracted to, not necessarily their actual behavior. Bisexual people are just as capable of remaining faithful in a monogamous relationship as people of other sexual orientations.

Though bisexuality is not a phase, some people may find that their sexuality shifts throughout their lives. For example, a bi woman may find that she is more attracted to men but may find herself more attracted to women several years later. It is normal for these feelings to fluctuate or change over time. Your overall orientation generally remains the same over time, however.

If one of your loved ones, whether it is your child or a friend, has recently come out to you as bisexual, it is important that you take their revelation seriously and don't brush it off as simply a phase. They put a lot of trust in you in coming out to you, and likely feel vulnerable. Do some research and try to understand them and be sympathetic and supportive.

Question: Can I feel attracted to both men and women but only want to be in a relationship with th opposite sex and still identify as bi?

Answer: Yes, of course.

Question: Can I still be bi without being with someone or the same sex?

Answer: You are bisexual if you are attracted to the same and different gender. It doesn't matter if you have had a sexual experience with both. You can be a virgin and still be bi. You can also have had experience with only one gender and still be bi. Straight and gay people usually know their orientation long before they have any actual sexual experience. It is the same for bisexual people.

Question: What if I'm only physically attracted to one gender, but emotionally and physically attached to the other gender?

Answer: If you are physically attracted to one gender and emotionally and physically attracted to the other, you might be bisexual and heteroromantic, or bisexual and homoromantic (depending on your gender and which gender you are emotionally attracted to). If this is the case, you can still identify as bi if that is the label you are comfortable with. It is ok to be more attracted to one sex or the other, or to be attracted to different genders in different ways and still consider yourself to be bi.

Question: How do I not feel ashamed of myself for being bi?

Answer: It isn't uncommon for bi people to feel ashamed of their sexuality upon first realizing that they are bisexual due to the unflattering stereotypes of bisexuals in the media.

There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. It is completely naturally to be attracted to people of different genders. Realize that the feelings of shame that you feel aren't about your sexuality, but rather, the results of other people's attitudes toward bisexuality.

Your sexuality doesn't define you. It is just one small part of who you are as a person.

It may help you to feel less ashamed and more proud of your sexuality if you can find a local bisexual organization to join. If there aren't any groups specifically for bisexuals, there are probably general LGBT+ organizations or events where you could meet other bisexual people. Socializing with other people like you is a great way to become more comfortable with yourself and stop feeling ashamed.

Question: I am interested in women, but only in sexual ways and nothing else. What does this mean? Is it just curiosity?

Answer: If you are sexually interested in both men and women, but only romantically interested in men, you may be bisexual, but heteroromantic. Many bisexual people find that their attraction to different genders is different. Many bisexual people also see that they are more attracted to one gender, and less attracted to another, but still, consider themselves bisexual because they are attracted to different genders.

You might be bisexual, or simply bi-curious. Another possibility is that you simply haven't allowed yourself to feel a romantic connection to other women yet, perhaps because of cultural conditioning that tells you that women should form relationships with men. Still, you can't deny your physical attraction to women.

Only you can determine what your sexual orientation is. Go with what you feel is right. Perhaps you will realize that you are bi, or maybe you will figure out that you are straight or even something else.

Question: Do I need to come out as bisexual? Is it not acceptable for me to just let people think I'm straight until I develop deep feelings for someone of the same gender?

Answer: This is a personal decision. Some people feel more comfortable if they can be open about their sexual orientation, while others feel more comfortable staying in the closet. It is up to you if you wish to reveal this aspect of yourself to others. You may also find that you are comfortable revealing your sexual orientation to certain people, but staying closeted to others.

Question: How do I come out to my family?

Answer: If you feel you are ready to come out to your family, you may want to start by coming out to family members that you feel are more likely to be accepting of you first. Perhaps you have an LGBT+ family member or someone who has demonstrated that they are supportive of the LGBT+ community that you can come out to first.

If your family is unsupportive and hostile toward LGBT+ people, make sure that you can support yourself financially before coming out to them, just in case they still have bigoted attitudes that could put you in danger.

Question: I am a girl who likes boys usually, but recently I have been trying to impress girls. What does my trying to impress girls mean to me?

Answer: Ask yourself why you are trying to impress these girls. Is it because you hope for them to ask you out, or do you simply want them to think you are cool and want to be friends with them? Wanting to impress someone doesn't always mean you are attracted to them in a sexual or romantic sense.

Question: What happens if I only think I am bi, but I have been attracted to females and males? Does feeling attracted to both men and women mean I am bi?

Answer: If you think that you are bi, and you have been attracted to females and males, you are bi.

Question: How do I know if I'm bi if I've never been in a relationship before?

Answer: You can still tell what kinds of people you are attracted to, even if you haven’t been in a relationship.

Question: I am currently in a relationship with the opposite sex, but I’m still unaware of my sexuality. I have not come out as bi or gay, but I am really confused, as I find both sexes attractive. My partner knows about my lesbian fantasies, but takes it jokingly. How do I talk about something I feel strongly about?

Answer: If you are attracted to and have fantasies about both sexes, you are very likely bisexual. It sounds like you know this about yourself, but are afraid to come out to other people. It also sounds like you feel uncomfortable talking about your feelings with your partner, or that you feel like he doesn't take your feelings seriously.

First, don't feel like you must come out as bi to other people if you aren't ready yet. This is a personal decision. If you don't want people in your life to know this about you, you don't need to come out. It is important for your own mental health to admit your sexuality to yourself, however. Perhaps you feel unsure about your orientation because you aren't ready to admit it to yourself yet.

If your partner isn't taking your feelings seriously, perhaps you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk about it. Before you do this, figure out what you want out of this discussion. Do you want to bring another woman into your relationship? Or do you simply want to acknowledge your feelings and feel like your partner accepts this part of you?

If you have been together for a while, and still don't feel comfortable having these types of discussions with your partner, perhaps there are deeper issues with your relationship. You may need to work on communication with your partner, or simply realize that the relationship isn't working and move on.

Question: My parents don't believe bisexuality exists, but I think I'm bi. They're very conservative and my dad is pretty much a homophobe. What do I do?

Answer: If you are still a teen and depend on your parents, you might need to wait to come out to them until you are on your own in case they throw you out.

If you think that your parents can be reasoned with, you could try to educate them about bisexuality, but remember, once you come out, you can't take it back. If they are extremely conservative, it could create an unsafe situation for you if you come out to them while still living in their home.

Question: What if I don't want to tell my parents that I'm bisexual?

Answer: That is your choice. You don’t have to come out to anyone you don’t feel comfortable coming out to.

Question: I have a crush on a girl but I am a girl I. I have had thoughts (sexual) with girls before too! I'm still scared to just put on the label but it not being true. So can I identify as a bi since I have had male crushes before?

Answer: Whatever label you choose is for yourself, so don't worry about whether or not it is "true." if you find yourself attracted to men and women, even if your attractions feel a bit different toward each, you can consider yourself bi. If you call yourself bi, your bisexuality is valid.

Question: How do I come out to my family and friends? I have a lot of friends who are girls. Will they think I liked them once I come out, if I come out at all?

Answer: You can come out to each person individually by simply telling them that you have something to tell them, and saying "I think I'm bisexual." Don't feel like you must come out to everyone if you are not comfortable with coming out to certain people.

You could also come out by introducing your girlfriend to your friends and family if you are dating a girl. You don't have to make a big deal out of coming out. Simply state that this is your girlfriend, and if they ask questions, explain that you are bisexual and are attracted to both boys and girls.

If you are still young, it is possible that some of your female friends will assume you like them and react badly. High school kids can be immature sometimes. If this happens, you can simply ask them if they like every single boy they know. They will say they don't. You can now explain that you are the same way. Just because you are attracted to boys and girls doesn't mean you like every boy and girl you see.

Question: Some claim that just because a person is (physically) attracted to the same sex does not mean they're homosexual, as straight people can feel admiration towards a person of the same sex. How do you differentiate this attraction from mere admiration?

Answer: When you notice an attractive member of the same sex, do you feel like you want to sleep with them, or do you just want to be more like them, or both? That will tell you if you are sexually attracted to them or just admire them.

Question: Is it possible to be bi if I don't want to have sex before I'm married?

Answer: Yes. Whether you wait until you are married to have sex or not has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. You can be celibate your entire life and still be bi, straight, gay, or any other orientation. You still decide when and with whom you have sex, regardless of who you are attracted to.

Question: What if I have crushed on both guys and girls, but have no interest in having sex, watching sex in movies, reading it in books, etc.? Am I ace or bi?

Answer: If you have no interest in sex, you are likely asexual. Since you have crushes on guys and girls, but have no interest in the physical aspects of a relationship, you can describe your orientation as biromantic and asexual.

Question: I don’t know if I’m bi because sometimes, I only like girls, but then I'll like guys as well. I don’t want to keep switching. Am I bi?

Answer: If you sometimes find that you like girls, and other times find you like boys more, you are very likely bisexual. Even if you are in a monogamous relationship with one person, you are still bi, because you are still attracted to people of both genders. The same is true if you find yourself having a crush on a specific person. You will likely be attracted to other people of the other gender again later on.

Don't think of it as your sexual orientation "switching." Bisexuality is a stable sexual orientation that stays with your throughout your life, just like heterosexuality or homosexuality.

Question: What am I if I like girls romantically and guys romantically and sexually? Is that bisexual?

Answer: Yes, you are bisexual, because you are attracted to your own gender and others. More specifically you may consider yourself heteroromantic and bisexual (if you're a guy) or homoromantic and bisexual (if you're a girl). Remember, your attraction to different genders don't have to be exactly equal or the same for you to consider yourself bisexual.

Question: What if I don’t feel sexual attraction to any gender but I still want to be in a relationship with someone?

Answer: You may be asexual. Asexual people often still desire romantic relationships, but without the sexual components.

Question: I'm a cis woman and I've only ever fallen in love with men. However, I'm sexually way more attracted to women. Could I be homosexual but heteroromantic, or am I bi?

Answer: You may be homosexual but heteroromantic if you are sexually more attracted to women, but romantically more attracted to men. In this case, you could still consider yourself bisexual if that is a label that resonates with you. Specifically, you would be what is sometimes known as a "varied type" bisexual.

Question: I’m attracted to men, women, and people outside of the gender binary. Does this mean I can still identify as bi?

Answer: Yes, you can identify as bi.

Question: I'm female and I think that I'm straight but I'm into a ftm transgender. Am I bisexual if I am attracted to a ftm trans person?

Answer: If you are a woman and are only attracted to men, including ftm transgender individuals, you are straight. You are only bisexual if you are attracted to men and women.

Question: What if you like a girl but she is bisexual too? Should I ask her out?

Answer: Ask her out if you are interested in her. Asking out a bisexual girl is no different from asking out anyone of any other orientation. If you like her and think she may like you too, you have nothing to lose by asking her out. You'll never know unless you ask!

Question: How do I know what sexual orientation suits me best? Some days I feel bisexual, some days I feel asexual and sometimes I'm homosexual. Which one am I?

Answer: I don’t know you, but if I had to guess, I’d say you are likely bi, since sometimes you feel bisexual. It is ok if you don’t always feel attraction or sexual feelings. You may just have a low sex drive, which could cause you to sometimes, but not always, feel asexual.

© 2017 Jennifer Wilber

Comments

closeted and questioning girl on August 31, 2020:

This was incredibly helpful in terms of me trying to figure out where I land on the bi spectrum. I'm still not sure if I can label myself as bisexual yet and I don't see myself coming out any time soon. Since youth, I've always been sexually attracted to women and men but mostly women's bodies. I've never been romantically attraced to one and have always been in love with men. It's hard for me to understand and sometimes it makes me wonder if I'd belong in the lgbtq community or just seen as a "straight girl going through a phase" I just wish there was a clear answer sometimes.

13yrgirl on June 23, 2020:

I'm confused on my gender I see women more attractive more than men I came out to my step dad but I'm kinda scared on how it will be when I come out to my dad the reason why I think I'm bi is because I had a boyfriend before but I sometimes get feelings for girls way different than for men and sometimes you look at her or him and want to

Littleyukina on June 22, 2020:

I am a bit confused about my gender bcuz i like men but i admired this specific girl a long time and when i meet this girl i will blush soo hard can u help me

Pink Panther on May 19, 2020:

It's difficult and sometimes impossible to come out as bisexual. I've been cut-off by my family after I informed my mother about my sexual preference. My sister too now shuns me. After revealing my sexual orientation to my girlfriend, she broke off with me stating that she cannot be with a man whose half homosexual. And as per guys, I'm just sexually attracted to them and not emotionally.

Ashmita on April 27, 2020:

Ive been confused about my sexuality for...a while now. Like i really like both guys and girls, but when i find myself checking out a girl or something, im never sure if im just admiring the fact that shes attractive or whatever or if im actually bi. My family is like super homophobic tho, and so ive always kinda just forced myself to think that no matter what, im definately straight. However, after reading this, i think that if im being honest to myself, i like girls too. Im not gonna come out just yet tho....

Anonymous girl on April 20, 2020:

Thanks fo this article! It has helped me a lot and now I know I’m bi and luckily my parents accepted me when I came out. I think my friends will accept me as well :) I hope other people find this article useful and are safe+ happy no matter their gender identity or sexuality.

JD on April 10, 2020:

I'm a teenage girl. I assumed I was straight because I've had one boyfriend that ended on good terms. However, recently I can't get the idea out of my head on what it would be like to date and fall in love with a girl. I don't really want to have my own children but I would be willing to adopt, sex without the risk of pregnancy, and girls seem a lot more gentle and accepting than guys. I've never actually had a crush on a girl before, so I'm a bit confused.

Rick on April 03, 2020:

I love wearing womens under garments. But i have always liked women, my problem is i am big on top and small down south. I tried dateing and it was good until it was time for fun then, it was imbaresment time and poke fun at me. Then i thought maybe i could see what happens with men, now i have found a new way to have fun but i would still like to try women

jazzmatt on January 16, 2020:

For a long time now i have questioned if I am bi or not because of one thing. I much prefer women over men. Both sexually and for relationships. The thought of ever dating a guy for romance never comes up, in fact, I never fantasize about being in that kind of relationship with my sex. I do when it comes to someone who is trans however. When I ask myself why this is, even though I feel I don't want a same sex relationship, even the thought of it feels embarrassing or in some way negative. All of this and yet somehow, when I find a man really attractive I get very excited sexually, almost as much as i would with the opposite sex. Whenever I try to fulfill these fantasies it always ends in disaster for me mentally. All goes well until I come face to face with the person I've had intimate conversations with and something in me freezes. That sexual excitement is no longer there, I am immediately very uncomfortable and have no trust in myself to carry anything out and even more with the other person I've been so comfortable texting the whole beforehand. I only use "toys" to fulfill these fantasies but even then, after climax I feel sad and somewhat ashamed. The thought of being bi in my own head doesn't raise any issues until it manifests outside of myself. How do I know for myself if I am bi and should continue to seek what I am attracted to, and if so how can it be in a healthy and constructive way? I am really struggling to answer these myself.

Jeffery on September 28, 2019:

I'm male and not bi sexual. I do wear panties all the time and occasionally wear a skirt.I wear panties and a skirt for comfort. I do not like to wear pants all the time. Panties and skirts are so comfortable early in the mornings when I'm going to get the newspaper. I like the feel of the cool air on my backside. Guy's it is a feeling you want forget soon.

Justin on September 12, 2019:

I have lived in a strong Christian household my entire life and have always found women attractive so when i was at school and had a strong physical atraction to another guy I got scared i have several freinds that are lgbt that suggested me hear but now im a little scared to tell them what i found out and i know my family is going to diaprove. SO What do i do im scared and confused iv never went threw something like this before.help

??? on August 15, 2019:

Im scared to tell someone im Bisexual... and idk what to do... I liked my best friend and a boy but my best friend was a girll… and now a boy likes me so.. I think im bisexual.. but im just scared to tell it..

Joe on August 08, 2019:

I feel that I can’t trust my parents with my struggles and I am really confused. I don’t have any friends to talk to and those that I trust are all disapproving of LGBT and I don’t know how to cope. I’ve always liked girls but I’ve started liking a guy. I feel like being romantic and I don’t understand my sexual urges, as gross as that sounds.

isabella may on August 01, 2019:

when i saw this article i knew that i have the courge to tell my family that i am bisexual and it was a very emotinal momenet and my mom said that she is glad that i am coming out being bisexual

Lucy Harrison on June 30, 2019:

Thank you very much for this article. My son just came out telling me he is bisexual. I congratulated him for his bravery and thanked him for putting his trust in me.

Í was full of questions but didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

Your article has helped me a lot.

Here to talk on June 29, 2019:

I’m pretty sure I’m bi and I’m not ashamed of It either, I’m very lucky that my family is very accepting. But I’m not sure how to come out to my friends since most of them are girls, and I don’t want them to think I feel attracted to them romantically when I don’t.

Hi, I'm Questioning on June 19, 2019:

Okay... Reading this has shed some light, but I feel like I need more reassurance. I am fourteen and my sister recently came out as bi, which is initially why I read this. My family accepted her, and she has talked about it openly among us. I was raised fairly obliviously, not much mention of the LGBTQIA+ community, at least not that I noticed. We're all Mormon/LDS, which is a religion that is fairly accepting and promotes equality but is still against LGBTQIA+ marriage and sex. What I mean by accepting is that there are openly LGBTQIA+ members who sah they have been given comfort and acceltance within the church. I found out about the community through Rick Riordon, asked my sister what it was, and completely forgot about it. I was eight at the time, and I figured it didn't matter and I didn't have to understand. For a few years now, I have had an on/off crush on a guy in my church. Because of that, I assumed I was straight. But recently— within the last few months— I've been feeling physically attracted to some women. I'd see them, notice their cute face and curves, blush, and continue with my day. If I made any attempt to talk with them, it would only be a few sentences, and I certainly wouldn't reveal my feelings to them. I never considered these actual crushes; just me noticing how beautiful they are, or how lovely their personality is. Recently, at a youth camp for my church, I developed a liking for a girl named Mati. I noticed it more than usual because I was trying to be more aware of myself. I said a few words to her, and silently watched her. She looked so upbeat, and I couldn't help but write about her and draw her, noting every detail so I could remember her. On the last day of that camp, an important religious figure for our area spoke with us. We were allowed to ask him anonymous questions. All of the questions were lighthearted until mine came up. It was:

'What about the LGBTQIA+ community and equal love?'

I wanted to know more about what the church thought about the community. Immediately he started by saying that the church only allows cis marriages. He went into detail about how those feelings were considered distractions, brought to our attention by Satan. He said it wasn't a sin to feel that way, but that it was to act upon it. He then said that if any of us felt that way, we should talk to him for healing. My sister— the one that came out as bi— looked sad. Afterwards she said that he just didn't understand. I was confused about everything, and didn't know who to believe. Since then I have continued noticing attractive women, but still like the guy crush from earlier. Reading this article has made me feel like I'm probably bisexual, but I'm still pretty torn.

Brandon Ortiz on June 09, 2019:

Thanks for this article... It has really help me define who I really am. Thanks a lot. This will help me a lot when I start my acting career and I am questioned about my sexuality. #PrideToBeBisexual

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on June 05, 2019:

Don’t feel like you need to come out to them right now if you don’t feel like it is safe to do so.

I'm scared on June 04, 2019:

My family aren't really big supporters of LGBTQ and I'm afraid of how they will react when i tell them i am bisexual. Ive know for a coulle years now but i dont want to lose my family over this. Can anyone offer advice?

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on May 24, 2019:

I’m glad my article could help. :)

charlie 2 on May 24, 2019:

me again. i have made the decision that i am bisexual. i am very relived to get the confusion off my mind

Charlie on May 24, 2019:

I realize that I am skeptical about my interests in genders. All my life I have liked girls, but now I have a crush on three boys. But it’s not an even amount of attraction that it is to girls. I am only 12 years old and I’m reading this article because I’m confused, and this article helps a lot.

hopeless eleven year old on May 20, 2019:

i am not sure if i am bi. A month or two ago i started to figure out that my friend, (ill call her Mary Ann which isn't her name) is really cute and i thought of kissing her and i didn't push away the thought, i enjoyed it. Mary Ann is a homophobic and hasn't found out that she is. I also like this guy (ill call him Ryan) my friends know i like him. So i know that they haven't found out of this slight crush on Mary Ann. I haven't told them because they too are homophobic. I want to tell them but because i am afraid that they wont welcome me and since i don't have any other friends i might lose all of them. What should i do!!! Help!!!

Sincerely, helpless on April 26, 2019:

Hi, I support the LGBT community but not sure if I am bi. A girl likes me and she wants a relationship. She is a really close friend of mine and I already told her I'm okay with being with her. But I don't want to tell my parents because they might kick me out. I do like her but I'm not sure if I like her like that or not. I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Stef on April 20, 2019:

Hello, I'm a 21 year old female, I grew up very Catholic, and I always thought I was straight. However, lately I've been questioning my sexuality a lot. This is mainly because I have developed a crush on a girl who've I'd made friends with. I thought she's was super cool and nice, so I wanted to spend time with her as a friend. But then this desire to see her and befriend her soon developed into me wanting to kiss her and be romantic with her. I'm just really confused now because in the past I had only ever had crushes on guys. (But also their was a time in middle school where I would have dreams about being romantic and happy with girls. These dreams freaked me out because I didn't want to be "a sinner", so I ignored them. When I went to high school the dreams had stopped being so frequent, and since I had some heavy crushes on boys at that time I thought these dreams must have been just a fluke. But now that I'm thinking back about it maybe not? I'll add this information here just in case its relevant.) Anyway, Is me having a crush on a girl make me bisexual? Even if it has only ever been this one girl? Maybe I feel this way because I've been single for a long time and I'm just lonely? In my mind I could come up with a million reasons why my feelings are just a silly mistake, but at the end of the day I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about her. (Maybe I'm in denial due to my religious upbringing?) I'm too scared to talk to anyone in person about this in fear that what I'm feeling is actually not true, and has all been made up by my subconscious for whatever reason. That's why I'm typing this all up here, as I'm very confused and could use your opinion! Thank you for read this, sorry it's so long!

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on April 15, 2019:

If you like both girls and boys, you are bi.

Ann on April 15, 2019:

I recently was questioning my sexuality and I thought I was lesbian since I kinda have a crush on this girl at school but I also realized that I liked boys.....I still have no idea if I'm Bi but if I am I feel like my parents will not be supportive since I'm Christian and we are supposed to be straight. Any suggestions on how to find out if I really am Bi?

jolia on April 10, 2019:

i am 85% sure im Bi but i really dont know i can picture myself dating a female and making out with one I have and i really liked it but i feel like i like men more { im a girl } recently i have not found one girl really hot am i BI

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on April 05, 2019:

You can recognize that someone is attractive without actually being attracted to them. You are only 12, so you have plenty of time ahead of you to figure these things out. Don't be in a rush to put a label on yourself yet.

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on March 17, 2019:

Hi Em. You might be bi if you are attracted to women and to men. It is possible that the idea of sex with women freaks you out because of the way you were raised. Ask yourself, do you feel ashamed of your feelings because you feel they go against your religion? Do you feel freaked out by the idea of sex with a man as well, since you've never done anything with a man either? It is normal to feel nervous and "freaked out" about the idea of sex when you've never had that experience yet. Don't feel like you need to put a label on your sexuality right now, or even ever. Just do what feels right to you. You could be bi, and your religious upbringing is affecting how you feel about your feelings, or you could be straight and just admire women aesthetically, but not necessarily sexually. It is okay if you are unsure about your sexuality. You may need to explore to fully figure yourself out.

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on March 17, 2019:

Hi Zo. First of all, wanting to impress people at school doesn't necessarily mean you are attracted to them. It's normal for kids to want to impress their friends. Second, its not uncommon for LGBT people who grew up in overly religious environments to feel a lot of guilt over their feelings. There is nothing wrong with being LGBT, or with acting on those feelings (when you are older. Middle school is a bit too early to be worrying about relationships of any kind). Too many LGBT people end up repressing their feelings and being miserable later in life when they let the religion they grew up in make them feel ashamed of their perfectly natural feelings.

em on March 17, 2019:

So I am almost 21 years old and I have always been an active feminist (raised in a conservative Christian household) and I have always been in awe of how powerful women are. I have always been strongly attracted to men and I didn't think I was attracted women. But recently I have been starting to wonder because I feel like I have always connected emotionally better to women. But also, this is embarrassing, the "female anatomy" has always kind of freaked me out when thinking about it in terms of w/w sex. Although I have never done anything with a man either, I am just wondering what this means, because I definitely cannot deny that I find women very attractive, but the thought of sex with women freaks me out? Help?

Zo on March 16, 2019:

So, here's the deal. I am a middle school girl who has only liked boys. However, I have found myself wanting to impress my female friends, and several of my best friends recently came out as bi. I am a strong Catholic in a family of Catholics who don't believe LGBT people should act on their feelings. I agree with them, but I am starting to wonder: Am I bi? It's really confusing for me, so please help if you can. Thanks!

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on March 04, 2019:

If you’re attracted to both, you’re bi.

Abby on March 03, 2019:

When I was 14/15 I was questioning if I was bi/pan but then I got a boyfriend and it didn’t matter to me then. Now at 17 and recently single I’ve started questioning again. I’ve noticed women catch my eye as do men. Idk if it’s just cause I’m single or if I really am attracted to both. Advice?

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on February 24, 2019:

You’re 13. You have your whole life ahead to figure yourself out and to find “the one.” There’s no rush.

Abigael Truelove on February 21, 2019:

Im a 13 year old girl, and i found this page beacause i think i might be one of the LGBTQ people. Ive always beem the odd oneout, and like this one guy, in PE we have to dress down into PE uniforms and i blush more than i usally do... I have a friend whos gay or Anpther lgbt type, and well, i kinda like her... Iknow for afact shes not "the one" but i think i just havent met the one yet. plz help me know who i am.

Ana on February 11, 2019:

Thank you so much! I had no idea there were different types of Bi, and it's helped me so much! I'm definitely varied bi, and I was really confused before this.

Amb42 on February 08, 2019:

This is a great article, I have learned so much! I hope I can find out if I am Bisexual or not. Thank you!

jimm54 on December 23, 2018:

This is a great article, covering different types of bisexuals and in clear and precise way. for me I am sexually attracted to women and men,romantically to women only.

DB on December 06, 2018:

After many years of questioning my orientation, I have finally come to a place where I have accepted my orientation. It only took until my mid 40's. This article has really inforced what I have come to realize, especially, the varied type bisexuality, which describes me. More physically attracted to my own gender, but romantically attracted to the opposite gender.

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on November 29, 2018:

Just be yourself, but don't feel like you have to come out to people you aren't comfortable coming out to.

grp1 on November 10, 2018:

Excellent article and spot on. Until recent years I always felt I was heterosexual but in the process of life I found myself having sex with a few men. It felt good but at first I was not sure I was bisexual because I did not feel the romantic aspects I have with women but after some research, talking with a counselor, and reading your article, I now see you can be bi without having the same feeling for both sex.

EmilyStevens8509 on November 04, 2018:

I’m only 14 years old so I don’t feel attracted to people THAT way but I think I might be bi I mean I find myself liking girls and staring at one of them in my class a lot (I’m a stalker I know) but I’ve only dated guys… I just don’t want to be wrong about being bi.

Help…

Radooos on September 25, 2018:

What if I really used to feel like a bisexual women before but denied my feelings for women and only dated men. I really did find men attractive and really did enjoy sex with them even falling in love. But once I accepted my attraction to women I accepted being bisexual and came out it only lasted a dew months before I felt I had lost everything towards men it was noting but women on my mind I had such a high sexual energy towards women but here's the thing I meet my best friend who was a guy and after a year of friendship we dated and I really loved him and enjoyed sex I called him my only exception. but he was obese and I wasn't always super attracted to him due to that but I really did love him and looked past it but girls were always there and I still hadn't had any experience. After 2 years of dating we mutually broke up due to his depression over some family life issues. We are still best friend to this day! After our relationship I finally started dating and finally started having experiences with women and holy s**t my sexual energy exploded I felt like I had lost my virginity again and discovered how awesome sex was I was a hornball to say the least but 2 relationships later and with only being slightly less a hornball I guess I'm wondering if I was truly lesbian all along but I really did enjoy men when I was attracted to them, or if Im still bisexual with no current urge or interested in men? It's been 7 since coming as bisexual then shortly after as lesbian. It's been 4 years me and my best friend broke up since then it's been only women and still no sign of my attraction towards men. I guess I'm wondering because I have heard that bisexuality can have cycles I guess I'm wondering if I've been in a really long one and my attraction to men might come back one day or if I was always lesbian? Thanks for reading all this!

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on September 17, 2018:

Jacob, I'm glad my article could help!

Jacob on September 17, 2018:

This article helped me understand better

Lauren on September 10, 2018:

Thanks for the article. It was helpful for me, and I'm sure it was for many others. I appreciate your affirmation during this confusing time. :)

TM 24 on September 02, 2018:

Yes we’ll ive been watching lesbian porn far longer than I’ve known him. But I got way to nervous when I last kissed a girl. It’s a confusing feeling, you know? But I also don’t want to think that the only reason I think I could be bi is my bf because if I hadn’t me him I never would have kissed a girl.

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on August 31, 2018:

Don't try to change your sexual orientation just to make your boyfriend happy. If you don't feel like you are attracted to girls, you aren't bi. If you do feel like you are really attracted to girls, and aren't just telling yourself you are to make your boyfriend happy, then you might be bi.

TM 24 on August 29, 2018:

My boyfriend is bi, and I identify as straight. But basicallly all I watch is lesbian porn but I don’t feel necessarily attracted to women when I’m just out and about. Occasionally I think, I could make out with her, but I have made out with 2 girls before. One I wasn’t okay with and one I kind of was but she was a friend, the other a stranger. - also I really have to know someone before I let them touch me intimately, like regardless of gender. Idk I feel like I’m afraid if vaginas cause I can’t imagine myself going down on a girl but I just don’t know sometimes. I want to marry my boyfriend and same for him, but sometimes we have a 3rd guy for fun. I won’t let my BF have a girl, I get too jealous. But I’m curious to know if anyone else has ever felt this way or could explain what I feel. My BF would love me to be bi but I just don’t know. I always say straight. It’s a little confusing. Maybe I’m a demi? Any help is appreciated.

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on August 26, 2018:

You don't have to be equally attracted to males and females to be considered bi. Refer back to the section of this article about the Kinsey scale. Some bi people are more attracted to the same sex, and only sometimes attracted to the opposite sex, or vice versa. Only a small percentage of bisexual people are equally attracted to both. Anyone between a 2 and a 5 on the Kinsey scale can consider themselves bisexual.

If you feel like "bi" best describes your sexuality, you can consider yourself bi.

Suki on August 26, 2018:

I’m a female and I had always been attracted to males but I started to have thoughts of kissing and dating a female. I honestly don’t mind dating the same gender since I love and support the LGBT community. I just honestly don’t know if I’m considered a Bi since I still have a stronger attraction to males than females but sometimes I have random thoughts about dating a female nonetheless. So should I be considered a Bi?

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on August 12, 2018:

If you are attracted to both, you are likely bi. Do you have crushes on people of the same and other gender? If so you are very likely bi. You are young, so don’t feel like you have to figure it out right now. Identify as what feels right to you, even if that means not even labeling yourself right now.

Unsure teen on August 11, 2018:

If I find people of the same sex hot and attractive, am I bi? I'm so confused rn, and I don't know how to identify myself. Plus I always read a lot about lgbt so I don't know if it's real or not. I can't tell, I'm pretty young, I don't know if I should just ignore it for awhile until I know for sure but what I do know is that when I say I'm straight, something doesn't feel right about it.

David Witzke on August 08, 2018:

I'm gay!

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on July 22, 2018:

You should identify however you feel most comfortable. If you think you might be bi, but aren’t sure, you don’t have to feel like you must come out right now. Especially if you are young, you might still need more time to figure it out for yourself. The fact that you say you are attracted to both men and women is a pretty good indicator that you are likely bi, however.

Gizelle on July 22, 2018:

Is it okay to still identify as straight if im not sure if im bisexual or not? I think that there is a strong possibilty that i could be bi. Whenever i identify myself as straight, I feel like something is completely off and that it doesnt go with me. Or I feel like im lying to myself. Sometimes i feel like i cant come out to myself. Yesterday i told my friend that i could possibly be bi but then doubted myself and told him i was straight because honestly im not sure myself. I havent had much experience. Im just a little confused. I do know im more interested in men with only a sexual attraction to women. But i still havent had much experience. Have never messed around with a girl before but i do know that im sexually attracted to them and that I could possibly want to. What do you think?

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on July 07, 2018:

You might be bi, but with a strong preference for men. You are the only one who can determine your sexual identity.

Courtney on July 07, 2018:

So I’m attracted to females and love looking at them and making out with them but don’t care to have sex with them. Men I want absolutely everything hands down,what’s that considered?

Jennifer Wilber (author) from Cleveland, Ohio on January 08, 2018:

Thank you Julia! It took me a long time to embrace that about myself, but I no longer feel like it is something I need to hide. I hope someday no one feels like their sexual orientation is something they need to hide or feel ashamed about.

Julia Crawford from South Africa on January 08, 2018:

Loved the article. I love the fact that I'm bisexual, it's something I learned to embrace about myself.