How to Know If You Are Bisexual: A Guide for Coming Out to Yourself

Updated on June 11, 2019
JenniferWilber profile image

Jennifer Wilber is a writer, teacher, and bisexual rights activist from Ohio.

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Am I Bi?

It’s not uncommon to question your sexuality at some point in your life, especially during adolescence and early adulthood. With all the discussion of the LGBT+ community going on in the media today, you might not be sure if certain feelings you are experiencing are real or not, or how to define your feelings—especially if you sometimes find yourself attracted to people who identify as something other than male or female.

How can you really be sure if what you are feeling is real? You may have noticed that you feel attraction toward men, women, and possibly to people who identify outside the gender binary, but you aren’t quite sure if your attraction is strong enough to qualify you for the “bisexual” label. How can you really be sure if you are bisexual? The short answer is that only you can determine what label best describes your sexual orientation. If you identify as bisexual, then you are bisexual. However, if you are reading this article, you probably want a more in-depth explanation to help you to answer this very personal question.

What Is Bisexuality?

What does it mean to be bisexual?

There have been many different proposed definitions. Bisexuality is commonly defined as attraction to people of both genders, but this definition doesn’t quite cover the broad range of attraction that bisexual individuals may experience, as it is quite possible for people who identify as bisexual to be attracted to people who identify outside of the male/female binary or to be attracted to different genders in different ways. Below, I share my own definition.

Do I have to be equally attracted to men and women to be bisexual?

Not necessarily. The common definition of bisexuality doesn’t account for different levels or types of attraction that bisexual people may experience toward different types of people. In other words, the meaning of the word "attraction" itself varies from person to person. It is also common for people who are unsure of their sexual orientation to wonder if they can actually be bisexual if they are not equally attracted to both men and women.

What if I usually like men, but I'm also attracted to one specific woman?

Many people wonder if they are bi if they are usually attracted to men, but find themselves interested in one particular woman or vice versa. A sudden interest in someone outside of your normal “type” can be a confusing experience.

Bisexuality Defined

A commonly agreed upon best definition for bisexuality in the bi community comes from prominent bisexual activist Robyn Ochs, who describes her sexual orientation thus:

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge in myself the potential to be attracted, romantically and/or sexually, to people of more than one sex, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

It is very possible to identify as bisexual, even if your attraction to different genders differs in some way.

Am I bisexual or pansexual? What's the difference?

Many bisexuals describe themselves as being attracted to different characteristics in different genders or individuals, as opposed to people who identify as “pansexual,” who experience attraction patterns similar to bisexuals, but tend to describe themselves as being attracted to people regardless of gender. People who identify as pansexual rather than bisexual are generally accepted and included in the overall bi+ community.

Are there different kinds of bisexuality?

Researchers have proposed several different “types” of bisexual individuals, based on the different ways in which bisexual identified individuals experience attraction. Some bisexual people may be more attracted to one gender or another, or be attracted to different sexes in different ways. The sex and sexuality researchers Martin Weinberg, Colin Williams, and Douglas Pryor identified three different types of bisexuality in their book Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality. Below, I add two more.

Five “Types” of Bisexuality

  • Heterosexual-leaning” – Bi individuals who consistently experience greater physical and emotional attraction toward people of the other sex.
  • Homosexual-leaning” – Bi individuals who consistently experience greater physical and emotional attraction toward people of the same sex.
  • "Varied type" – Bi individuals who consistently experience greater emotional attraction toward one gender and greater physical attraction toward the other sex. Experiencing this type of bisexuality can be particularly confusing, since society generally expects a person’s emotional and physical attraction to match.
  • "50/50" – While it is a myth that all bi people experience equal attraction to men and women, there are some bi-identified individuals who do experience a nearly even 50/50 split between their attraction to men and women.
  • "Outside the binary" – Many bi people may find that a potential partner’s gender expression is unimportant, and more interested in a person for their personality. These people are more likely to be physically and/or emotionally attracted to people who identify outside of the gender binary, in addition to men and women. These people may also identify as "pansexual." Pansexuality is a similar orientation to bisexuality. Some people may identify more strongly with one label or the other, or use both interchangeably.

Attempts to identify specific types of bisexuality may not be entirely useful, as there are as many different ways to experience bisexuality as there are people who identify as bi. We are all unique, despite having some shared experiences and similar patterns of attraction. The only thing we really all have in common is being attracted to people of multiple genders.

A bisexual person might potentially be attracted  to a variety of gender identities and expressions, but not necessarily in the same way or at the same time or degree.
A bisexual person might potentially be attracted to a variety of gender identities and expressions, but not necessarily in the same way or at the same time or degree.

The Kinsey Scale

No discussion of bisexuality would be complete without mentioning Dr. Alfred Kinsey’s research and what is known as the “Kinsey Scale.” Dr. Kinsey was a leading sexuality researcher who was heavily involved in research regarding sexual behavior and attraction in men and women. The Kinsey Scale, also known as the “Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale,” is a tool he developed based on his observations of human sexuality. Kinsey found that most people are not exclusively heterosexual or homosexual, but rather, fall somewhere in between on a spectrum. The Kinsey Scale was first published in Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948.

The scale identifies individuals as fitting into the following categories, based on their sexual behaviors:

Where Do You Fit on the Sexual Spectrum?

RATING
DESCRIPTION
0
Exclusively heterosexual
1
Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2
Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3
Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4
Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5
Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6
Exclusively homosexual
X
No socio-sexual contacts or reactions

There is some debate as to which “scores” on the Kinsey scale qualify as bisexuality. Some people insist that only 2s, 3s, and 4s are bisexual, whereas others consider everyone who falls between 1-5 to be bisexual. The Kinsey scale is only meant to be used a general guideline for categorizing sexual orientation.

How can I find out what my Kinsey score is? Is there a test?

There isn’t an official test you can take to determine your Kinsey score, though several websites do offer their own versions of a Kinsey scale test. Where you fall on the Kinsey scale is determined by your own interpretation of your attractions and sexual behavior. Only you can decide how you feel comfortable identifying.

Kinsey's Scale of Sexual Responses to Indicate Degrees of Sexual Orientation

So Am I Bisexual or Not?

If you feel attraction toward people of your own and other genders, you can wear the bisexual label with pride! However, if you feel a different label better reflects your sexual orientation, that is okay too. The purpose of using different labels to identify your sexual orientation to others is simply to make it easier to tell people a little bit about who you are. Only you can determine what label, if any, best applies to you.

Coming Out as Bisexual

Many LGBT+ individuals, including bisexuals, feel a great sense of freedom upon coming out. Proudly wearing the bisexual label can help you to find a sense of community within the bi+ community. There is still the problem of bi-erasure and biphobia even within the LGBT+ community as a whole, but the benefits of being true to yourself may outweigh any negative experiences you may encounter after accepting yourself for who you are.

What is the difference between gender identity, gender expression, biological sex, and sexual orientation?
What is the difference between gender identity, gender expression, biological sex, and sexual orientation?

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Frequently Asked Questions About Bisexuality

What if I'm attracted to men, women, AND people who don't identify as either male or female?

"Pansexuality" is when your sexual preference isn't limited by biological sex, gender, or gender identity. Pansexuality acknowledges that there are more than two genders.

What if I don't feel attracted to EITHER men OR women?

An "asexual" person is someone who might not experience intense feelings of sexual attraction. So while a bisexual person might be attracted to various genders, an asexual person might not feel especially sexually attracted to anyone.

I’m scared to tell my family I’m bi.

When you come out to someone, you are taking a trusting step towards them. You are saying, "I trust you, so I'm going to be honest and vulnerable with you: This is who I am." But if you don't feel this trust, if you aren't comfortable coming out to your family, you don't have to tell them right now. It is okay to wait until you are comfortable enough to tell them, or even to never come out to them. If you are under 18 and/or still living with your family, you may want to wait until you are more independent before coming out. Some teens and young adults do get kicked out of their parent's homes when they come out as LGBT+, especially those raised in more conservative families/communities. The only person you really need to come out to is yourself.

How can I tell my family I'm bisexual?

When and if you do decide to come out, it might be helpful for you to think about what you want to say ahead of time. You don't have to memorize a speech, but it might help to have a general idea of how you want to say it. Be prepared for awkwardness, emotion, confusion, and lots of questions. Reassure them that you are the same person they've always known only now you're being more open and honest with them about that part of your life.

What if they say it’s just a phase? What if they disregard what I'm saying?

If you are afraid that they will say it is "just a phase," you may want to have some written materials on hand to help them understand that it is not just a phase but an actual sexual identity. Bisexual activist Robyn Ochs has written books and articles about bisexuality, so she may be a good place to start if you need research materials to show your family.

Could bisexuality be a phase in someone's life?

This is a common misconception. However, most bisexual people remain attracted to multiple genders throughout their lives, even when they're in long-term monogamous relationships.

Are bisexual people more sexual?

Sexual orientation is about attraction, not behavior. It's about who a person is attracted to, not how they act (or don't act) on that attraction. Bisexual people can be just as faithful and monogamous as people of any other sexual orientation.

Can I change my mind about my sexuality?

Although bisexuality is not a phase, some people may find that their feelings shift throughout their lives. For example, a bi woman may think that she is more attracted to men but, years later, may find herself more attracted to women. Although your overall orientation tends to remain the same, it is normal for feelings to fluctuate or shift over time.

What if I'm confused about my sexuality?

It is very common to feel confused about your sexual orientation, especially if you grew up in a family that didn't accept LGBT+ people. When you're still young, and especially if you haven't yet experienced much sexually, it is completely "normal" to have lots of questions. My best advice to you is give yourself time to know yourself before you decide what and who you are. Your don't need to put a label on your sexuality right now. Just live your life. Eventually, you may figure out what label best describes you.

Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality
Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality

This book takes a scholarly look at bisexuality and people who identify as bisexual through intensive interviews and research into the lives of many bisexual individuals. This book may be a little dry to some readers, but it does offer an academic look at sexual orientation that you don't see very often. I highly recommend it for anyone who is looking for more information about sexual identity, especially if you identify as bi or suspect that you might be. It is also a great resource to start with if you are doing any serious academic research about sexuality.

 
The bisexual pride flag by Peter Salanki
The bisexual pride flag by Peter Salanki | Source

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

  • What if I’m still not sure if I am bi?

    Don't feel like you need to put a label on your sexuality right now. Just live your life. Eventually, you may figure out what label best describes you. If you think that you might be bisexual, there is a good chance that you are.

  • How do I know if I am bisexual?

    If you find yourself attracted to people of your gender and another gender, then you can identify as bisexual. Remember, you can still be bisexual even if you are a bit more attracted to one gender or if your attraction to different genders is different. For example, you might be a woman who is more romantically attracted to men, but more sexually attracted to women (in this case, you could consider yourself either bisexual or be more specific and identify as heteroromantic and homosexual). You can identify in whatever way you are comfortable identifying.

  • I just came out to my family as Bi, and their reaction was terrible. What should I do?

    Since you have already come out to them, you can't go back into the closet. The best thing you can do is to try to educate them about LGBT+ issues. Try to explain to them that you are still the same person that you have always been, regardless of your sexual orientation. If they are making your feel unsafe, try to find a support system outside of your family in case you need someone else to turn to.

    If your family is making you feel unsafe because of your sexuality, and if you still live with your parents or rely on family for financial support, you will want to make sure you can support yourself if you are over 18, just in case they turn their back on you. It is unfortunate, but many young adults find themselves homeless after coming out to homophobic family members, especially those who were raised in very conservative environments.

    If your family won't come around, and if you feel unsafe, it is okay to distance yourself from toxic family members. If you are an adult and are living on your own, you may want to take a step back and let your family process your revelation about your bisexuality. Give them some time to come to terms with it. Once you have given them enough space, try to start a mature dialogue with them regarding your sexual orientation once more. You may want to prepare some talking points and research to show them that bisexuality is not just a phase, and that LGBT+ are just like everyone else.

  • I’m scared to tell my family I’m bi. I’m sure they will think it’s a phase. What do I do?

    If you aren't comfortable coming out to your family yet, you don't need to feel like you must tell them right now. It is okay to wait until you are comfortable enough to tell them, or even to never come out to them.

    When and if you do decide to come out to them, it could help to prepare what you want to say ahead of time. If you are afraid that they will say it is just a phase, you may want to have materials written by older bisexual activists ready to show them that it is not a phase, but an actual sexual identity. Bisexual activist Robyn Ochs has written books and articles about bisexuality, so she may be a good place to start if you need research materials to show your family.

    If you are under 18 and still living with your family, you may want to wait until you are more independent before coming out to them. It is unfortunate, but some teens and young adults do get kicked out of their parent's homes when they come out as LGBT+, especially those raised in more conservative families/communities.

  • How old should you be to come out?

    You can come out at any age, but if you are still living with your parents, you may want to wait to come out to them until you can live on your own if you think they may not be unsupportive. Some people figure out their orientation at a young age, while other people might not figure it out until middle age or even older. It all depends on the individual.

© 2017 Jennifer Wilber

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    • profile image

      Jeffery 

      7 weeks ago

      I'm male and not bi sexual. I do wear panties all the time and occasionally wear a skirt.I wear panties and a skirt for comfort. I do not like to wear pants all the time. Panties and skirts are so comfortable early in the mornings when I'm going to get the newspaper. I like the feel of the cool air on my backside. Guy's it is a feeling you want forget soon.

    • profile image

      Justin 

      2 months ago

      I have lived in a strong Christian household my entire life and have always found women attractive so when i was at school and had a strong physical atraction to another guy I got scared i have several freinds that are lgbt that suggested me hear but now im a little scared to tell them what i found out and i know my family is going to diaprove. SO What do i do im scared and confused iv never went threw something like this before.help

    • profile image

      ??? 

      3 months ago

      Im scared to tell someone im Bisexual... and idk what to do... I liked my best friend and a boy but my best friend was a girll… and now a boy likes me so.. I think im bisexual.. but im just scared to tell it..

    • profile image

      Joe 

      3 months ago

      I feel that I can’t trust my parents with my struggles and I am really confused. I don’t have any friends to talk to and those that I trust are all disapproving of LGBT and I don’t know how to cope. I’ve always liked girls but I’ve started liking a guy. I feel like being romantic and I don’t understand my sexual urges, as gross as that sounds.

    • profile image

      isabella may 

      3 months ago

      when i saw this article i knew that i have the courge to tell my family that i am bisexual and it was a very emotinal momenet and my mom said that she is glad that i am coming out being bisexual

    • profile image

      Lucy Harrison 

      4 months ago

      Thank you very much for this article. My son just came out telling me he is bisexual. I congratulated him for his bravery and thanked him for putting his trust in me.

      Í was full of questions but didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

      Your article has helped me a lot.

    • profile image

      Here to talk 

      4 months ago

      I’m pretty sure I’m bi and I’m not ashamed of It either, I’m very lucky that my family is very accepting. But I’m not sure how to come out to my friends since most of them are girls, and I don’t want them to think I feel attracted to them romantically when I don’t.

    • profile image

      Hi, I'm Questioning 

      5 months ago

      Okay... Reading this has shed some light, but I feel like I need more reassurance. I am fourteen and my sister recently came out as bi, which is initially why I read this. My family accepted her, and she has talked about it openly among us. I was raised fairly obliviously, not much mention of the LGBTQIA+ community, at least not that I noticed. We're all Mormon/LDS, which is a religion that is fairly accepting and promotes equality but is still against LGBTQIA+ marriage and sex. What I mean by accepting is that there are openly LGBTQIA+ members who sah they have been given comfort and acceltance within the church. I found out about the community through Rick Riordon, asked my sister what it was, and completely forgot about it. I was eight at the time, and I figured it didn't matter and I didn't have to understand. For a few years now, I have had an on/off crush on a guy in my church. Because of that, I assumed I was straight. But recently— within the last few months— I've been feeling physically attracted to some women. I'd see them, notice their cute face and curves, blush, and continue with my day. If I made any attempt to talk with them, it would only be a few sentences, and I certainly wouldn't reveal my feelings to them. I never considered these actual crushes; just me noticing how beautiful they are, or how lovely their personality is. Recently, at a youth camp for my church, I developed a liking for a girl named Mati. I noticed it more than usual because I was trying to be more aware of myself. I said a few words to her, and silently watched her. She looked so upbeat, and I couldn't help but write about her and draw her, noting every detail so I could remember her. On the last day of that camp, an important religious figure for our area spoke with us. We were allowed to ask him anonymous questions. All of the questions were lighthearted until mine came up. It was:

      'What about the LGBTQIA+ community and equal love?'

      I wanted to know more about what the church thought about the community. Immediately he started by saying that the church only allows cis marriages. He went into detail about how those feelings were considered distractions, brought to our attention by Satan. He said it wasn't a sin to feel that way, but that it was to act upon it. He then said that if any of us felt that way, we should talk to him for healing. My sister— the one that came out as bi— looked sad. Afterwards she said that he just didn't understand. I was confused about everything, and didn't know who to believe. Since then I have continued noticing attractive women, but still like the guy crush from earlier. Reading this article has made me feel like I'm probably bisexual, but I'm still pretty torn.

    • profile image

      Brandon Ortiz 

      5 months ago

      Thanks for this article... It has really help me define who I really am. Thanks a lot. This will help me a lot when I start my acting career and I am questioned about my sexuality. #PrideToBeBisexual

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      5 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      Don’t feel like you need to come out to them right now if you don’t feel like it is safe to do so.

    • profile image

      I'm scared 

      5 months ago

      My family aren't really big supporters of LGBTQ and I'm afraid of how they will react when i tell them i am bisexual. Ive know for a coulle years now but i dont want to lose my family over this. Can anyone offer advice?

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      5 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      I’m glad my article could help. :)

    • profile image

      charlie 2 

      5 months ago

      me again. i have made the decision that i am bisexual. i am very relived to get the confusion off my mind

    • profile image

      Charlie 

      5 months ago

      I realize that I am skeptical about my interests in genders. All my life I have liked girls, but now I have a crush on three boys. But it’s not an even amount of attraction that it is to girls. I am only 12 years old and I’m reading this article because I’m confused, and this article helps a lot.

    • profile image

      hopeless eleven year old 

      6 months ago

      i am not sure if i am bi. A month or two ago i started to figure out that my friend, (ill call her Mary Ann which isn't her name) is really cute and i thought of kissing her and i didn't push away the thought, i enjoyed it. Mary Ann is a homophobic and hasn't found out that she is. I also like this guy (ill call him Ryan) my friends know i like him. So i know that they haven't found out of this slight crush on Mary Ann. I haven't told them because they too are homophobic. I want to tell them but because i am afraid that they wont welcome me and since i don't have any other friends i might lose all of them. What should i do!!! Help!!!

    • profile image

      Sincerely, helpless 

      6 months ago

      Hi, I support the LGBT community but not sure if I am bi. A girl likes me and she wants a relationship. She is a really close friend of mine and I already told her I'm okay with being with her. But I don't want to tell my parents because they might kick me out. I do like her but I'm not sure if I like her like that or not. I don't want to ruin our friendship.

    • profile image

      Stef 

      7 months ago

      Hello, I'm a 21 year old female, I grew up very Catholic, and I always thought I was straight. However, lately I've been questioning my sexuality a lot. This is mainly because I have developed a crush on a girl who've I'd made friends with. I thought she's was super cool and nice, so I wanted to spend time with her as a friend. But then this desire to see her and befriend her soon developed into me wanting to kiss her and be romantic with her. I'm just really confused now because in the past I had only ever had crushes on guys. (But also their was a time in middle school where I would have dreams about being romantic and happy with girls. These dreams freaked me out because I didn't want to be "a sinner", so I ignored them. When I went to high school the dreams had stopped being so frequent, and since I had some heavy crushes on boys at that time I thought these dreams must have been just a fluke. But now that I'm thinking back about it maybe not? I'll add this information here just in case its relevant.) Anyway, Is me having a crush on a girl make me bisexual? Even if it has only ever been this one girl? Maybe I feel this way because I've been single for a long time and I'm just lonely? In my mind I could come up with a million reasons why my feelings are just a silly mistake, but at the end of the day I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about her. (Maybe I'm in denial due to my religious upbringing?) I'm too scared to talk to anyone in person about this in fear that what I'm feeling is actually not true, and has all been made up by my subconscious for whatever reason. That's why I'm typing this all up here, as I'm very confused and could use your opinion! Thank you for read this, sorry it's so long!

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      7 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      If you like both girls and boys, you are bi.

    • profile image

      Ann 

      7 months ago

      I recently was questioning my sexuality and I thought I was lesbian since I kinda have a crush on this girl at school but I also realized that I liked boys.....I still have no idea if I'm Bi but if I am I feel like my parents will not be supportive since I'm Christian and we are supposed to be straight. Any suggestions on how to find out if I really am Bi?

    • profile image

      jolia 

      7 months ago

      i am 85% sure im Bi but i really dont know i can picture myself dating a female and making out with one I have and i really liked it but i feel like i like men more { im a girl } recently i have not found one girl really hot am i BI

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      7 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      You can recognize that someone is attractive without actually being attracted to them. You are only 12, so you have plenty of time ahead of you to figure these things out. Don't be in a rush to put a label on yourself yet.

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      8 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      Hi Em. You might be bi if you are attracted to women and to men. It is possible that the idea of sex with women freaks you out because of the way you were raised. Ask yourself, do you feel ashamed of your feelings because you feel they go against your religion? Do you feel freaked out by the idea of sex with a man as well, since you've never done anything with a man either? It is normal to feel nervous and "freaked out" about the idea of sex when you've never had that experience yet. Don't feel like you need to put a label on your sexuality right now, or even ever. Just do what feels right to you. You could be bi, and your religious upbringing is affecting how you feel about your feelings, or you could be straight and just admire women aesthetically, but not necessarily sexually. It is okay if you are unsure about your sexuality. You may need to explore to fully figure yourself out.

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      8 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      Hi Zo. First of all, wanting to impress people at school doesn't necessarily mean you are attracted to them. It's normal for kids to want to impress their friends. Second, its not uncommon for LGBT people who grew up in overly religious environments to feel a lot of guilt over their feelings. There is nothing wrong with being LGBT, or with acting on those feelings (when you are older. Middle school is a bit too early to be worrying about relationships of any kind). Too many LGBT people end up repressing their feelings and being miserable later in life when they let the religion they grew up in make them feel ashamed of their perfectly natural feelings.

    • profile image

      em 

      8 months ago

      So I am almost 21 years old and I have always been an active feminist (raised in a conservative Christian household) and I have always been in awe of how powerful women are. I have always been strongly attracted to men and I didn't think I was attracted women. But recently I have been starting to wonder because I feel like I have always connected emotionally better to women. But also, this is embarrassing, the "female anatomy" has always kind of freaked me out when thinking about it in terms of w/w sex. Although I have never done anything with a man either, I am just wondering what this means, because I definitely cannot deny that I find women very attractive, but the thought of sex with women freaks me out? Help?

    • profile image

      Zo 

      8 months ago

      So, here's the deal. I am a middle school girl who has only liked boys. However, I have found myself wanting to impress my female friends, and several of my best friends recently came out as bi. I am a strong Catholic in a family of Catholics who don't believe LGBT people should act on their feelings. I agree with them, but I am starting to wonder: Am I bi? It's really confusing for me, so please help if you can. Thanks!

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      8 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      If you’re attracted to both, you’re bi.

    • profile image

      Abby 

      8 months ago

      When I was 14/15 I was questioning if I was bi/pan but then I got a boyfriend and it didn’t matter to me then. Now at 17 and recently single I’ve started questioning again. I’ve noticed women catch my eye as do men. Idk if it’s just cause I’m single or if I really am attracted to both. Advice?

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      8 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      You’re 13. You have your whole life ahead to figure yourself out and to find “the one.” There’s no rush.

    • profile image

      Abigael Truelove 

      9 months ago

      Im a 13 year old girl, and i found this page beacause i think i might be one of the LGBTQ people. Ive always beem the odd oneout, and like this one guy, in PE we have to dress down into PE uniforms and i blush more than i usally do... I have a friend whos gay or Anpther lgbt type, and well, i kinda like her... Iknow for afact shes not "the one" but i think i just havent met the one yet. plz help me know who i am.

    • profile image

      Ana 

      9 months ago

      Thank you so much! I had no idea there were different types of Bi, and it's helped me so much! I'm definitely varied bi, and I was really confused before this.

    • profile image

      Amb42 

      9 months ago

      This is a great article, I have learned so much! I hope I can find out if I am Bisexual or not. Thank you!

    • profile image

      jimm54 

      11 months ago

      This is a great article, covering different types of bisexuals and in clear and precise way. for me I am sexually attracted to women and men,romantically to women only.

    • profile image

      DB 

      11 months ago

      After many years of questioning my orientation, I have finally come to a place where I have accepted my orientation. It only took until my mid 40's. This article has really inforced what I have come to realize, especially, the varied type bisexuality, which describes me. More physically attracted to my own gender, but romantically attracted to the opposite gender.

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      11 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      Just be yourself, but don't feel like you have to come out to people you aren't comfortable coming out to.

    • profile image

      grp1 

      12 months ago

      Excellent article and spot on. Until recent years I always felt I was heterosexual but in the process of life I found myself having sex with a few men. It felt good but at first I was not sure I was bisexual because I did not feel the romantic aspects I have with women but after some research, talking with a counselor, and reading your article, I now see you can be bi without having the same feeling for both sex.

    • profile image

      EmilyStevens8509 

      12 months ago

      I’m only 14 years old so I don’t feel attracted to people THAT way but I think I might be bi I mean I find myself liking girls and staring at one of them in my class a lot (I’m a stalker I know) but I’ve only dated guys… I just don’t want to be wrong about being bi.

      Help…

    • profile image

      Radooos 

      13 months ago

      What if I really used to feel like a bisexual women before but denied my feelings for women and only dated men. I really did find men attractive and really did enjoy sex with them even falling in love. But once I accepted my attraction to women I accepted being bisexual and came out it only lasted a dew months before I felt I had lost everything towards men it was noting but women on my mind I had such a high sexual energy towards women but here's the thing I meet my best friend who was a guy and after a year of friendship we dated and I really loved him and enjoyed sex I called him my only exception. but he was obese and I wasn't always super attracted to him due to that but I really did love him and looked past it but girls were always there and I still hadn't had any experience. After 2 years of dating we mutually broke up due to his depression over some family life issues. We are still best friend to this day! After our relationship I finally started dating and finally started having experiences with women and holy s**t my sexual energy exploded I felt like I had lost my virginity again and discovered how awesome sex was I was a hornball to say the least but 2 relationships later and with only being slightly less a hornball I guess I'm wondering if I was truly lesbian all along but I really did enjoy men when I was attracted to them, or if Im still bisexual with no current urge or interested in men? It's been 7 since coming as bisexual then shortly after as lesbian. It's been 4 years me and my best friend broke up since then it's been only women and still no sign of my attraction towards men. I guess I'm wondering because I have heard that bisexuality can have cycles I guess I'm wondering if I've been in a really long one and my attraction to men might come back one day or if I was always lesbian? Thanks for reading all this!

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      14 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      Jacob, I'm glad my article could help!

    • profile image

      Jacob 

      14 months ago

      This article helped me understand better

    • profile image

      Lauren 

      14 months ago

      Thanks for the article. It was helpful for me, and I'm sure it was for many others. I appreciate your affirmation during this confusing time. :)

    • profile image

      TM 24 

      14 months ago

      Yes we’ll ive been watching lesbian porn far longer than I’ve known him. But I got way to nervous when I last kissed a girl. It’s a confusing feeling, you know? But I also don’t want to think that the only reason I think I could be bi is my bf because if I hadn’t me him I never would have kissed a girl.

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      14 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      Don't try to change your sexual orientation just to make your boyfriend happy. If you don't feel like you are attracted to girls, you aren't bi. If you do feel like you are really attracted to girls, and aren't just telling yourself you are to make your boyfriend happy, then you might be bi.

    • profile image

      TM 24 

      14 months ago

      My boyfriend is bi, and I identify as straight. But basicallly all I watch is lesbian porn but I don’t feel necessarily attracted to women when I’m just out and about. Occasionally I think, I could make out with her, but I have made out with 2 girls before. One I wasn’t okay with and one I kind of was but she was a friend, the other a stranger. - also I really have to know someone before I let them touch me intimately, like regardless of gender. Idk I feel like I’m afraid if vaginas cause I can’t imagine myself going down on a girl but I just don’t know sometimes. I want to marry my boyfriend and same for him, but sometimes we have a 3rd guy for fun. I won’t let my BF have a girl, I get too jealous. But I’m curious to know if anyone else has ever felt this way or could explain what I feel. My BF would love me to be bi but I just don’t know. I always say straight. It’s a little confusing. Maybe I’m a demi? Any help is appreciated.

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      14 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      You don't have to be equally attracted to males and females to be considered bi. Refer back to the section of this article about the Kinsey scale. Some bi people are more attracted to the same sex, and only sometimes attracted to the opposite sex, or vice versa. Only a small percentage of bisexual people are equally attracted to both. Anyone between a 2 and a 5 on the Kinsey scale can consider themselves bisexual.

      If you feel like "bi" best describes your sexuality, you can consider yourself bi.

    • profile image

      Suki 

      15 months ago

      I’m a female and I had always been attracted to males but I started to have thoughts of kissing and dating a female. I honestly don’t mind dating the same gender since I love and support the LGBT community. I just honestly don’t know if I’m considered a Bi since I still have a stronger attraction to males than females but sometimes I have random thoughts about dating a female nonetheless. So should I be considered a Bi?

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      15 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      If you are attracted to both, you are likely bi. Do you have crushes on people of the same and other gender? If so you are very likely bi. You are young, so don’t feel like you have to figure it out right now. Identify as what feels right to you, even if that means not even labeling yourself right now.

    • profile image

      Unsure teen 

      15 months ago

      If I find people of the same sex hot and attractive, am I bi? I'm so confused rn, and I don't know how to identify myself. Plus I always read a lot about lgbt so I don't know if it's real or not. I can't tell, I'm pretty young, I don't know if I should just ignore it for awhile until I know for sure but what I do know is that when I say I'm straight, something doesn't feel right about it.

    • profile image

      David Witzke 

      15 months ago

      I'm gay!

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      16 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      You should identify however you feel most comfortable. If you think you might be bi, but aren’t sure, you don’t have to feel like you must come out right now. Especially if you are young, you might still need more time to figure it out for yourself. The fact that you say you are attracted to both men and women is a pretty good indicator that you are likely bi, however.

    • profile image

      Gizelle 

      16 months ago

      Is it okay to still identify as straight if im not sure if im bisexual or not? I think that there is a strong possibilty that i could be bi. Whenever i identify myself as straight, I feel like something is completely off and that it doesnt go with me. Or I feel like im lying to myself. Sometimes i feel like i cant come out to myself. Yesterday i told my friend that i could possibly be bi but then doubted myself and told him i was straight because honestly im not sure myself. I havent had much experience. Im just a little confused. I do know im more interested in men with only a sexual attraction to women. But i still havent had much experience. Have never messed around with a girl before but i do know that im sexually attracted to them and that I could possibly want to. What do you think?

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      16 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      You might be bi, but with a strong preference for men. You are the only one who can determine your sexual identity.

    • profile image

      Courtney 

      16 months ago

      So I’m attracted to females and love looking at them and making out with them but don’t care to have sex with them. Men I want absolutely everything hands down,what’s that considered?

    • JenniferWilber profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Wilber 

      22 months ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      Thank you Julia! It took me a long time to embrace that about myself, but I no longer feel like it is something I need to hide. I hope someday no one feels like their sexual orientation is something they need to hide or feel ashamed about.

    • Nadia Nieuwenhuiz profile image

      Julia Crawford 

      22 months ago from South Africa

      Loved the article. I love the fact that I'm bisexual, it's something I learned to embrace about myself.

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