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Help! I Fell in Love With a Lesbian! (And I'm a Straight Guy!)


What to Do if You're a Straight Man Attracted to a Lesbian

So it has happened. You're a straight guy, just minding your own business, and you meet this girl. Now, you know she's a lesbian; you know she could never want you; you know she doesn't look at you like that and that you're just really good friends, of course. But "the heart wants what the heart wants" as they say, and typically, the penis also follows suit, complicating matters even more.

Now that you have fallen prey to the fated lesbian web of seduction that she probably didn't know she was spinning, you have several options to bring about some kind of resolution:

1. Accept That She Only Likes Women

She's a lesbian. She likes women. She likes people with long hair who wear dresses and (probably) have vaginas. If you don't fit this description, she probably isn't interested and never will be. She may be nice about it, but the fact that you're in love with her is unlikely to budge her orientation in the slightest.

Try to concentrate less on her and more on the fake lesbians you see in porn. At least they'll never reject you. Straight guys are the primary source of their income.

Now, if you don't want to just give up and get over it...

2. Explore Your Relationship Further

Gay women typically hate that whole cliché of "She's only a lesbian because she hasn't found the right man." Clearly, in most cases, this is patently untrue. After all, if you were a woman, wouldn't you be a lesbian, too? Who wouldn't want to be a lesbian if they could, right?

However, sexuality is much more fluid in many people than society tends to acknowledge, and maybe, just maybe, she's only mostly gay. Maybe there's room for a certain, specific kind of guy. Of course, even in the event that this happens to be the case, there's no guarantee that that guy is you; but, if you're sufficiently close, it may be a remote possibility.

Attempt to probe her about it, especially if she's single. Ask her if she would ever be with a guy at all, or if she ever has been. Past behavior can be indicative of exactly how far she swings either way.

If she's not single, handle this with caution. It is more of a disgrace among lesbians to leave her partner for a man than for another woman because it is almost like a betrayal of her species. She will be more hesitant because of this; if she "goes straight" for a guy, she will likely not be backed up by her friends. Oftentimes, the boyfriend of a lesbian is seen as nothing more than a "beard" and a sorry attempt on her part to back away into mainstream society.

3. Confess Your Feelings

This requires growing a proverbial pair. If you really want her, sincerely and without an ounce of sleaze, then there is nothing to be ashamed of. It can certainly be worth it to be honest, even if it's just for the off chance that she might feel the same about you.

If she does reciprocate, it is worth noting that you have probably not "converted" a lesbian, so use caution. You are probably only an exception to the rule and have not changed "the rules" as a whole, so to speak. She is most likely still just a gay as she was the day she met you and it's just that maybe you're the one guy that's girly enough for her.

At any rate, it is in poor taste to say anything to the effect that you have shown her the light or brought her back to Jesus with the force of your manliness. She is probably unsure of herself now if she does indeed find that she likes you; this is no time to make her all-out question her sexuality.

Now, on the other hand, if you confess and find that she doesn't want you back the same way at all, then at least you can take solace in the fact that the answer was not totally unexpected. She's a lesbian. She likes people with long hair who wear dresses. Refer back to 1.

4. Become Close Friends With Her

If you can, find value in her in non-romantic ways. This is probably much easier if you were already friends before and you didn't get to know her strictly because she was attractive to you.

Be what is called a "lesbro," a straight guy who is close, but platonic, with a lesbian. Go build something together. Go fishing. Talk about girls and drink tea with your pinkies raised.

Just be friends with her and try to be content with that and try to remember that it's probably the most you'll ever get from her. And, then, maybe someday, though probably not, she may unexpectedly decide to look your way with romantic intention. Sometimes familiarity can breed affection over time. But, still, probably not, so get over it. Refer back to option 1.

There is so little to be done with such an unfortunate situation, but, alas, this is life. Sometimes the most attractive, confident girls who seem to lack all those feminine traits that annoy you and who seem to like all the same things you do, really do like all the same things you do.

So good luck to all of you who have been love-struck, and may your love life see better days in the future.

(*Note: photo by SuicideGirls)

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.