A young man recently wrote to me and expressed his desire to stop wearing panties. He asked my advice on the matter and immediately I was thrown into something of a quandry. The bulk of my articles are aimed at supporting the idea of men wearing women's panties, and whatever else they feel like wearing, so to write an article that advocates the ceasing of such behavior may at first seem hypocritical and contradictory. I am going to write this article however, and I am going to reveal what I consider to be the secret to quitting not only wearing women's clothing, but stopping almost any behavior. It takes time, but it works.
Why? Well, I am well aware that for many men, especially young men coming to terms with the fact that they like wearing women's things, life is not a panty scattered parade. The cold, hard reality is that many men attracted to women's things struggle with self loathing that can even turn into self harm. Some men become isolated and some men commit suicide. When this happens it is a terrible waste of a life and a stone cold reminder of how powerful warped thinking can be.
Is it necessary to feel self loathing because you're a man who wears panties? No. No. No. A thousand times no. The reality is, that if you try to 'quit' women's things when you feel so conflicted, so drawn to them yet so repulsed by yourself, you will find it near impossible to stop.
It is entirely possible for you to put away panties and women's things of course. You can throw them away, you can lock them in a dungeon. I am sure that most men reading this article have already 'binged' and 'purged' their panty collections more times than they can count.
The secret to quitting anything is to remove the attachment you have to it. Whilst you fight against the idea of wearing panties, you will be unable to stop. You will simply cycle back and forth, abstaining for hours, days, weeks, months or years, but then, eventually you will slip on those cursed Olga Secret Hug panties and you will feel the brief high of enjoyment followed by the deluge of a thousand self hating thoughts tinged with the regret of having failed to stop wearing lingerie.
In order to stop the urge to wear panties, you need to accept yourself in panties, you need to accept the desire. You need to make panties as commonplace in your mind as woolly socks or denim jeans. When you have accepted the desire completely, when you no longer fight against it, then you can let it go naturally, in the same way you don't currently obsess about wearing Grandma's tea cosy.
Panties aren't crack, they're not physically or psychologically addictive. The addiction, if you will, is created in your own mind. So if you want to quit wearing panties, I advise you to wear them every day. I advise you to thoroughly embrace them. Get several pairs and treat them like any normal part of your wardrobe.
Note what I just said there, it is important. Don't just wear them when you're in the mood. Wear them all the time. Every day. It won't work if you keep getting them out only when the mood strikes you because you will be simply continuing the cycle.
Heck, buy a few bras, wear a skirt. Dressing in
women's clothing doesn't harm others and it doesn't harm you, so just
go wild and wear whatever you want. You'll either get used to the clothing
and come to a healthy acceptance which allows you to enjoy it for
what it is in a non destructive way, or you will simply lose
interest over time. Seriously, it is a win - win outcome, guaranteed, or your money back.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Rick on April 07, 2020:
Several times over the years i have tryed to stop wearing bras and panties. But after a few days or a couple of weeks the feeling of wanting atwear a bra and panties is so strong that i quiver at puting them on. I look in the mirror and can hardle contain my self.
Dennis Andersen on February 20, 2020:
There is no escape from wearing panties or women's clothes you can't escape the power of femininity because the feeling of luxury clothes on your body overwhelm you in many different ways u are different person you are happer your inter fulfillment is satisfying witch is your feminine side so you will not stop wearing panties For the rest oF your life or women's clothes
jerry on September 20, 2019:
I have no desire to stop wearing panties being as I ordered more panties today. I like the feel and comfort of wearing panties. Most men enjoy wearing panties and other women's lingerie. I have worn panties for years and enjoy wearing them more each day as I pick out the pair for the day. Panties are a large part of my wardrobe and I plan to keep them in my wardrobe. I realize that some men think it is taboo to wear panties and other lingerie but they have a personal guilt problem. Wearing panties is not a guilt trip and should not be. Most women that I know like their men to wear lingerie of all types. My female doctor knows that I wear panties and has no problem with my wearing panties to be examined. She made a comment one time that she liked my taste in under ware. She is about 55 married and her husband likes panties to. He is a doctor as well.
Dennis R Andersen on February 13, 2019:
If you think you are going to stop wearing panties. This is impossible because of your beautiful feeling of femineinty witch over comes your feelings witch is feminine power feminine power is so beautyful strong you can not escape it. Femineinty is the most powerful thing on earth .if you do this just enjoy the beauty of it every day of you life
nigel coates-taylor on November 02, 2018:
Have just put on pink ladies tights have been wearing them for years now been starting to wear skirts make up can I get help to stop
donni on June 19, 2018:
I wear panties every day. Thongs, high cut, boy cut, lace, cotton, Satin, and all. I wear bras whenever I can because I like the feel of wearing a bra. Probably have more bra and panty sets than most Women and I buy them, at the store, for myself and let the sales person know they are for me.
Gary on January 03, 2018:
I love to wear bra and knicker i wear them under clothes and my cycle gear out cycling does this mean i am gay
nigel coates-taylor on November 17, 2017:
Is it late for me to stop wearing ladies tights I wear them all day under my boxers then anothe pair of tights when I go to bed
Nigel Coates Taylor on September 13, 2017:
Have been wearing ladies tights all my life have just put on a pair of blue leopard print tights
nigel coates-Taylor on July 29, 2017:
Want to stop wearing ladies tights but cant what do I do
nigel coates-taylor on July 28, 2017:
Am wearing a pair of red tights now I want to stop but cant
nigel coates-taylor on July 28, 2017:
Have worn ladies tights all my life am 50 now cant stop is it to late in life to stop
David R Jennys from South Dakota, U.S.A. on June 13, 2010:
My advice is to find a trusted friend to talk to about your desire to wear panties. The act of talking it out will be helpful. A mentor or counselor may help you in sorting out you thoughts on the matter. Depending on your faith background, you might want to talk to your pastor. The Bible does not forbid wearing the clothing of the opposite gender, it teaches that it is wrong to try to cross-dress with the goal of posing as the opposite gender. You should also talk with your parents (I wish now that I had been more open about wanting to wear panties rather than sneaking around about it) - try talking to your mother first, perhaps. I give this advice of finding a "counselor" to talk to not because I think you have a "problem", but because someone safe to talk to about an issue in our lives is always a good idea no matterwhat the issue is. Just be careful who you share your soul with - find someone safe to talk to. I also agree with the above posts though, don't stress too much about it.
lighthouse11 on June 06, 2010:
Oddly, I never did the binge and purge thing. I still have panties from when I was in high school. I should probably throw them out though, they're pretty worn out.
For me it certainly isn't a matter of getting rid of panties once and for all, but rather hunting down the styles that aren't made any longer.
I used to wear both men's and women's underwear as long as the men's underwear was no-fly bikini style--like a speedo swimsuit. Then one day I just figured why not get rid of all of my men's underwear?, and so I did. I have never looked back in over 15 years.
It's very sad to read posts about those who are afraid they will start wearing panties 24/7, or those who are getting older, and afraid of what their kids would think once they passed on.
Although I knew after a girlfriend who dumped me over an unrelated issue gave me freedom to wear panties exclusively (always have to look on the bright side!), I was never worried about wearing them 24/7. What harm is it? None. As far as what my family and present girlfriend of over 10 years would think after I passed on?. I was up front from the beginning with my girlfriend, and she was and is fine with it. We don't need separate underwear drawers. As far as the family is concerned, some already know, and could care less.
As for the rest, well I'll be dead, so that won't be my concern if they find my panty collection.
Maybe all this seems a bit on the bragging and self centered side, but I count my self fortunate. I have strong feminine side that I have never been afraid of, I'm definitely hetero, and detest machisimo. It just seems to me like a bunch of apes grunting, scratching, dragging their knuckles, and pounding their chests over something stupid like the new gigantic truck they bought that the salesman assured them that it would definitely increase the size of their penis. Que barbaridad. And people would say I'm effed-up for liking to wear panties! I still enjoy a good belch, and a loud fart. It's a medical fact that holding them in is bad for you anyway. You're supposed to do those things otherwise you wouldn't ever have to. And yes ladies, you do it too.
So all you panty-lovers out there: do some real soul searching since we all come from different backgrounds, and before you do anything stupid like hurting yourself especially. I was lucky to be raised well away from the Bible belt, but it sure seems that any politician caught in some sort of sex scandal comes from there--democrat or republican. They just got real good at covering their tracks for the most part.
Peace! And sorry about the rambling response. I felt very strongly about this issue is all.
Sherman on February 18, 2010:
I am gradually--and must say finally--coming to comfortable terms with my wearing panties, camisoles, slips, etc. When I don't I do not feel as comfortable--with my clothes or myself. Our culture has room for females who prefer pants, shirts and even business suits. I believe it's time for 'men's liberation' or should we say 'gender liberation' where we call the shot on traditionalism, conventional roles and stereotyping--i.e. imposing external expectations on someone elses personality.
MaraSophia on December 26, 2009:
Sorry coming late to this forum. I have read from experts that crossdressing seems to be incurable. Over the years nobody has ever heard of an ex-crossdresser they said. Many years ago I stop throwing away my high heels because I only needed to see women wearing them on the street to rush replacing mine. Had I keep them, my high heel shoes collection would be close to that of Imelda Marcos. Anyway, I am gonna try your suggestion: wear them until you get bored of them.
bwhcpty on August 24, 2009:
Exscape, no way, just getting started!
b on August 12, 2009:
Thanks for posting this.
Hope Alexander (author) on August 11, 2009:
At your age, I wouldn't worry about telling partners just yet. Teenage dating isn't like adult relationships where serious expectations like marriage and kids can be an issue. (Well at least it shouldn't be *look of dissaproval*) Relax and enjoy your youth :)
Hope Alexander (author) on August 11, 2009:
Grant, when you're young there is a tendency to stress out over things that actually aren't all that important. I don't mean that in a condescending way, older people do the same thing, but they tend to do it over different things, like houses and mortgages etc.
Take it from me, you are way over stressing yourself, and the more you stress yourself worrying about this, the more it is going to be an issue for you. Relax, guy. That's what my advice was really about. They're just panties. If you keep winding yourself up over them, they will become a hell in your life. If you relax and just let yourself be for a moment without worrying about whether you're gay or what your ratio of nylon to cotton in your drawers is, you'll be fine.
Try to find something else to think about, play sports, chase a girl, get addicted to some worthless MMO. Seriously, over thinking this is not going to help you.
grant2012 on August 11, 2009:
Im going to keep trying your strategy to quit, but I was just thinking of all the guys out there that dont even have boxers and just wear panties 24/7, Im just afraid I might end of like that.
rosariomontenegro from NEW YORK on August 11, 2009:
Hope, I just stumbled upon your collection of hubs. I still have to read them all but without waiting longer I'd like to tell you that your joyful support to people who otherwise would feel isolated or ashamed is remarkable.
Zeta on August 10, 2009:
As a senior, I perhaps feel even more embarrassed about my 'hobby'. Also as a senior, there are other ramifications. Do I want the children I raised to find my stash and photos when I'm gone? Would it really be possible or desirable to acquaint them with my crossdressing, and perhaps attempt to explain and justify it?
Also as our partners get older their minds and attitudes change. With the strains of weakening senses and abilities it's important to be patient and supportive, and one wonders if she would prefer it if the behaviour was modified to something more ordinary.
abrady on August 10, 2009:
i could not see myself not wearing pantys as they are so cool,light and ever so sexy.The feeling of wearing them is just magic,and yet so natural.
Hope Alexander (author) on August 09, 2009:
I forgot about the showering at school thing, it's odd to me that the US and Europe both have this odd practice where one commonly gets naked and showered amongst strangers of the same sex. (Would it really be SO expensive to put in cubicles as we do in NZ?) I shall add this exception: not when other non intimate people are around.
allen on August 09, 2009:
i been wearing lingerie for over 35 years now yes i got rid of a lot to try to quit but a month down the road i wish i could find them in that garbage can i left them in now i just wear them i wear nothing but lingerie even under my male cloths i actually do not care now if they are seen i am happy single but happy i love my lingerie will never give it up now i love this site keeps me informed an feeling good about myself thank you so much
kfsteve391 on August 09, 2009:
You made a very good point in suggesting the young man treats his panties just the same as men's underwear. I think it is much easier for older men to wear panties than younger ones. Many have wives that are not understanding and kids that would ask a lot of questions. Also, there is changing clothes and showering in gym class at school. For some guys wearing any women's clothes would be very impractical.
David from the UK on August 09, 2009:
I wear panties all the time, and have accepted it.
There is no intention for me to stop (because I do not want to quit).
So, your idea of wearing them until bored does not always work.
The question really is why the need to stop?
Why not embrace wearing something pretty, instead of being embarrassed by it?
The young man who wrote to you has problems that need to be dealt with (probably ashamed as a lot of crossdressers are).
If you can accept the fact that you like wearing panties, it then is not a problem any more.
Hope, your articles are fantastic! Such open-mindedness.
It would be a much easier world if everyone had the same attitude.
As I write this, I am wearing a bra, panties, t-shirt, and a short denim skirt. All women's clothing as that is my preference.
grant2012 on August 09, 2009:
Thanks for the article Hope
Misha from DC Area on August 09, 2009:
No panties at all (and other clothes) always get my vote :P
Hope Alexander (author) on August 09, 2009:
Tomgeekery on August 09, 2009:
Ooh, Grandma's tea cozy. There's an idea. ;)