My Experience Dating My Transgender Boyfriend
My Experience Dating a Trans Man
"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think differently of me." I read the message from him and thought he was insane for thinking that way, but then again, I couldn't say i didn't understand. I could only imagine how he felt, watching the three bubbles that let him know I was typing my response, as he feared for the worst but hoped for the best. "Why would you feel that way? I would never think anything less of you because of who you are," I replied. And thus, a wonderful relationship had bloomed. I never thought anything less of him, never saw my boyfriend as a girlfriend, never disagreed with his choices, and have always been supportive of who he is. And, two months after starting a relationship, he hopped on a plane and flew to the Big Apple to see me (he lives in the UK). The week he was here was a whole new experience, seeing as I'd never been in a serious relationship with a trans man before. I had to quickly adjust to many things i had never experienced before, like going out and hearing strangers misgender my boyfriend, or having my parents ask many questions I never thought I'd have to answer such as, "so does this make you gay" or, "do you think after you two are done, you'll get with an actual man".
When people ask me if I'm in a relationship with anyone, I just tell them that I have an amazing boyfriend. But, when I mention to people that he is transgender, I usually get a lot of mixed responses, usually from different age groups. From people around my age, I get "oh, congrats on the relationship!" But, a lot more questions come from older adults. "So, does that make you gay now?" "Does he have female body parts?" "Do I call him a her?" And, sometimes there are people who will completely disagree and say he cannot be a male because he was born a female. I have never had a serious relationship from anyone from the transgender community, and here are just a few things I've picked up on: It's okay to be who you are and love who you want, and you can't let what others may say influence your decisions in your own relationship.
For those reading this who are trans or are interested in someone who is, here is some advice I can give to you through my own experience!
- Dear trans men and women, don't be afraid to let the person you're interested in know that you're into them. You never know, they might feel the same and be totally okay with who you are!
- If your trans significant other has been misgendered and you can see they're upset about it, comfort them! Remind them that they are perfect just the way they are and the world just hasn't seen it yet.
- Be there and comfort them when they start to go through disphoria, it's not your fault they feel the way they do. Just remind them that they're great.
- If any hate comes your way, don't let it get to you! Use that negative energy and transfer it to positive energy.
- Remember who you are and know your worth!
Here's the tea
When dating someone who is transgender, there is a lot of learning to do, a lot of feelings to be wary of. You have to keep in mind that when they are addressed by the wrong gender, they may not show that it actually kills them inside. My boyfriend is very blessed to have a family who supports him, even if it took or may take some getting used to at first, but not everyone is that lucky.
Many people will not date people who identify as transgender because they associate it with being gay, but this is definitely not the case at all. To simply put it, if you are dating a man or woman and you are of the opposite sex, you are straight. I believe that love has no race or sex, and love sees no distance. Love has no boundaries and we love who we love, despite any stigma or taboo surrounding who a person is, what clothes they wear, what religion they are, and how much money they make. I genuinely hope the taboo around gay, lesbian, and transgender relationships fades away with time and these people will start to be seen as what they are, regular people, just like the rest of us.
Would you be open to dating someone regardless of their identification?
Peachy facts! Did y'all know...
- The youngest person to go under the knife and have gender reassignment surgery was Kim Petras, who was only 16 at the time.
- In 2014, it's been reported that there are over 15,000 transgender men and women actively serving in the military!
- There are currently 18 states that have clear laws against discrimination of transgender people. These states include California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Washington. Come on the remaining 32 states, catch up to the equality!
- 16.9 MILLION people have tunes in to the the Caitlyn Jenner segment on 20/20. That's a ton of people!
- Gender reassignment surgery can cost about $15,500, but don't lose hope because it's been shown that 78% of people who have gone under the knife has felt significantly more comfortable at work after their transition. There's still hope out there.
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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2017 Megan Woods