Megan is a fashion student, and is currently studying at Hudson Valley Community College. She hopes to change the world in a positive way.
My Experience Dating a Trans Man
"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think differently of me."
I read the message from him and thought he was insane for thinking that way, but then again, I couldn't say I didn't understand. I could only imagine how he felt, watching the three bubbles that let him know I was typing my response, as he feared for the worst but hoped for the best.
"Why would you feel that way? I would never think anything less of you because of who you are," I replied.
And thus, a wonderful relationship had bloomed. I never thought anything less of him, never saw my boyfriend as a girlfriend, never disagreed with his choices, and have always been supportive of who he is. And, two months after starting a relationship, he hopped on a plane and flew to the Big Apple to see me (he lives in the UK).
The week he was here was a whole new experience, seeing as I'd never been in a serious relationship with a trans man before. I had to quickly adjust to many things I had never experienced before, like going out and hearing strangers misgender my boyfriend, or having my parents ask many questions I never thought I'd have to answer such as, "so does this make you gay?" or, "do you think after you two are done, you'll get with an actual man?".
When people ask me if I'm in a relationship with anyone, I just tell them that I have an amazing boyfriend. But, when I mention to people that he is transgender, I usually get a lot of mixed responses, usually from different age groups. From people around my age, I get "Oh, congrats on the relationship!"
But I get a lot more questions from older adults. "So, does that make you gay now?" "Does he have female body parts?" "Do I call him a her?"
And sometimes there are people who will completely disagree and say he cannot be a male because he was born a female.
Up to now, I had never been in a serious relationship with anyone from the transgender community. Here are just a few things I've picked up on:
- It's okay to be who you are.
- It's okay to love who you want.
- You can't let what others may say influence your decisions in your own relationship.
My Advice to Others
For those reading this who are trans or are interested in someone who is, here is some advice I can give to you through my own experience.
- Dear trans men and women, don't be afraid to let the person you're interested in know that you're into them. You never know—they might feel the same and be totally okay with who you are!
- If your trans significant other has been misgendered and you can see they're upset about it, comfort them! Remind them that they are perfect just the way they are and the world just hasn't seen it yet.
- Be there and comfort them when they start to go through dysphoria, it's not your fault they feel the way they do. Just remind them that they're great.
- If any hate comes your way, don't let it get to you! Use that negative energy and transfer it to positive energy.
- Remember who you are and know your worth!
Read More From Pairedlife
How to Be Supportive
When dating someone who is transgender, there is a lot of learning to do, a lot of feelings to be mindful of. You have to keep in mind that when they are addressed by the wrong gender, they may not show that it actually kills them inside. My boyfriend is very blessed to have a family who supports him, even if it took or may take some getting used to at first, but not everyone is that lucky.
Many people will not date people who identify as transgender because they associate it with being gay, but this is definitely not the case at all.
To put it simply, if you are dating a man or woman and you are of the opposite sex, you are straight.
I believe that love has no race or sex, and love sees no distance. Love has no boundaries and we love who we love, despite any stigma or taboo surrounding who a person is, what clothes they wear, what religion they are, and how much money they make. I genuinely hope the taboo around gay, lesbian, and transgender relationships fades away with time and these people will start to be seen as what they are, regular people, just like the rest of us.
Fun Trans Facts
- The youngest person to go under the knife and have gender reassignment surgery was Kim Petras, who was only 16 at the time.
- In 2014 there were over 15,000 transgender men and women actively serving in the military.
- There are currently 18 states that have clear laws that protect transgender people against discrimination. These states are: California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Washington. Come on the remaining 32 states, catch up to the equality!
- 16.9 million people have tuned in to the Caitlyn Jenner segment on 20/20. That's a ton of people!
- Gender reassignment surgery can cost about $15,500, but don't lose hope because it's been shown that 78% of people who have gone under the knife has felt significantly more comfortable at work after their transition. There's still hope out there.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2017 Megan Woods
Larry Copano from USA on April 02, 2018:
You are a lovely person, and I wish there were more like you.
Mona Sabalones Gonzalez from Philippines on June 29, 2017:
This is a lovely story, and I'm really proud of you and grateful that you have shared this wonderful experience on Hub Pages. It is not only a love story but also very informative and I learned a lot:)
Mel Truelove on January 23, 2017:
I love your post. It really gives me hope. Hope that everyone can just stop and accept people for who they really are. You are a beautiful couple and I wish you the best!