My Experience (So Far) in an Open Polyamorous Relationship
When taking a look into my life, you would see what any other person would see when looking into a high school senior's life: a heaping ton of stress, from my academic future where all I want to do is make amazing grades in hopes of impressing colleges to accept me, all the way to my social life that some would claim to be irrelevant, considering everyone I know will be separating after high school graduation.
Considering the look of my grades, and the title above, that's not what you're here to read about. You're here to read about my relationship.
Fair warning though, my relationship is a bit different from the stereotypical high school romance. I have currently been dating a loving gender fluid individual, who we will name Jamie for the sake of being discreet, for a little over seven months now. Though other than Jamie, I have also happily been indulging in the attention of a few other individuals. While I go around with other people, Jamie is also dating a man, we're going to call him Dean, and they've been together for almost two years.
This, my dear friends, is how my open, polyamorous relationship is set up.
I tend not bring up my relationship around my peers in fear that they will react negatively. In fact, I can remember a few comments from when they would catch wind of my relationship.
- "So you're cheating?"
- "That's not a real relationship."
- "I don't want to/mind home wrecking!"
- "You're a slut."
Many high school students I know only have loose knowledge of monogamous relationships and assume that from having more than one romantic, you're immediately in the wrong. Which is where the cheating and the 'not a real relationship' statements come from. Which is ironic considering it's high school, where relationships are rushed in hopes of getting to the happily ever after part faster. No matter what bad qualities either partner has
As for the home wrecker and slut comments, I found that these statements were made in strange situations. For example, in the middle of foreplay with a guy, he blurted out, "It's nice to know that you're running to me when you're boyfriend won't get you off."
I gladly dropped him from my life and later on discovered, ironically, that he was using me because his own girlfriend wouldn't put out.
Though high school peers put me on edge with their ridicule of me and Jaimie's relationship, its not as bad as an adult trying to take charge of my relationship from a sexual standpoint.
- "That is an STD waiting to happen."
- "You're being dirty."
I would like to state that these first two comments constantly give me anxiety because me and Jaime have never been sexually active. It only puts me on edge because adults tend to over sexualize the aspect that because their are three of us in the relationship, threesomes must constantly happen. (Which is preposterous, considering me and Dean are not romantically linked. We just happen to both be dating Jaime.) When I share my discomfort about those comments, people tend to shame me for gladly having sex with others that I'm not in a relationship in. Though, what they fail to realize is that I take sex in a relationship seriously, and when I have sex with others I'm constantly safe, considering that one day, me and Jaime might engage in sexual activities.
Though at the end of the day it should not matter. My sex life is none of their business and unless I choose to disclose that information with them, they have no right to try and tell me the doings of my relationship with Jaimie.
Most of the criticism I received at the beginning of my relationship is the reason that I tend to keep Jaimie on the down low, away from my friends and family. Jaimie sadly has to do the same with me when it comes to their family. Because of this, we don't see each other in person as much as we would like, and when we do we have to be careful of PDA.
Ironically, I see Dean, Jaimie's boyfriend, more than anything. Though I'm not complaining, we've become good friends. Good friends that support each other's relationship with Jaimie and have helped each other being amazing significant others to Jaimie.
Other than the few times me and Jaimie see each other, and communicate through Dean, we text every other day. When we talk it's like any stereotypical relationship, smothering each other in compliments, talking about future dates, and anything with the mention of being together. Though in all honesty, we have gone weeks with out contacting each other and it does do us just as good. Sometimes me and Jaimie need time to exist as ourselves, Jaimie has Dean when this happens and I have my friends. I feel as though this healthy balance between alone time and couple time has been the reason we've lasted.
Though we do have to hide our relationship, we do love and support each other. Whether Jaimie is talking me through the process of getting over a guy who didn't return my feelings for him. Whether I'm talking Jaimie through a stressful day at work or helping them and Sam through a rough patch. It's just like any other relationship, except much better than any of the ones I had before.
© 2018 Kassandra Tellez