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What to Do If You're Caught Wearing Women's Lingerie

As a woman, I write a great deal about men who wear lingerie. To be honest, it has become rather a passion of mine over the past few years.

What should you do if your partner catches you wearing women's lingerie?

What should you do if your partner catches you wearing women's lingerie?

Men Who Wear Lingerie

The scene: You're home alone in your bedroom, sneaking into your secret stash of women's lingerie. Panties and bras litter the bed, and pantyhose is draped from the door handle. You're clad in your favorite pink satin panties, have a matching soft lace bra adorning your chest, and are busy fastening your new stockings to your garter when, suddenly, you hear a gasp of surprise—you look up to see your wife or girlfriend standing there. You've been caught wearing women's lingerie! So what happens next?

This scenario is all too common for men who wear lingerie, even those who do their best to hide it. In fact, only men who try to hide their lingerie wearing are ever caught, because men who don't hide it are never really "caught," per se. For some men, the prospect of telling a girlfriend or wife that they like to wear lingerie is too much. There is the fear of rejection, the possibility of divorce, and even the aspect of social ridicule if their secret gets out.

Keeping Your Panty-Wearing Secret Can Be a Huge Burden

Unfortunately, the truth has a way of coming out. More often than not, men who wear lingerie often get caught—perhaps because they secretly want to be caught. After all, the burden of hiding such an intimate part of yourself from the one you love can be a heavy one. Once you've been caught, however, what you do next can make all the difference in how things play out in your relationship.

There are two levels of being caught wearing women's lingerie: One is being caught by a girlfriend in a relatively new relationship, and the other is being caught by a wife or a long-term girlfriend. Things are much easier to handle if it's the former because there is not yet an expectation of full disclosure. The early stages of a relationship are all about discovery and gradual exposure, so discovering that a man likes to wear women's lingerie is less shocking for a woman in a short-term relationship than for a woman who truly believes that the man concerned is her soul mate, her life partner, and the one person on earth who she knows fully and completely.

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Don't Lie About Your Hobby

The first tip I would give a man in either situation is not to react in a scared, ashamed, or worried fashion. Your partner is surprised, true, but her reaction will be tempered a great deal by yours. If you squeal and start stammering excuses and apologies, you are sending the message that you have been caught doing something wrong.

Like the great Douglas Adams wrote: don't panic. Instead of panicking and behaving as if you've been caught with a room full of dead bodies, smile warmly and invite her in. Explain what you're doing, if she asks, and answer any questions she might have. Women are very good at detecting lies—better than you might think—and she will know you're lying if you try to tell her that you just started wearing women's lingerie today, or that you're doing it as a dare.

Lying can hurt much more than it helps for a couple of reasons. One, she probably won't believe you, and your lies will only convince her that you are untrustworthy. Two, it destroys your chance of actually being able to include your hobby, or at least the awareness of it, in your relationship. If you claim that it is a one-off event and she catches you again or finds evidence in the form of a pair of large panties left forgotten on the closet floor or in the laundry basket, then all trust will be shattered. Believe it or not, the female attire isn't as offensive to your partner as the lies that have accompanied it.

Your Partner Might Not Accept Your Decision

Now realistically speaking, not every woman is going to react with joy or even acceptance if and when they find their partner dressed up in panties and/or a bra. Some may be repulsed, and some may be so shocked that they simply can't handle it. These reactions are beyond your control, and attempting to control them is folly.

Being caught brings with it an element of undeniable risk. Sometimes things may turn out well, and you can increase your chances of them turning out well by behaving in a calm, welcoming and honest fashion. On the other hand, sometimes things are going to go poorly no matter what happens. Some women simply cannot comprehend, fathom, or accept the idea of a man wearing lingerie. As a man who wears lingerie, is that really a woman you want to spend your life with?

The issue of being caught wearing lingerie runs much deeper than a moment of naughtiness. It involves issues of trust, honesty, and personal freedom. Will you settle for someone who fulfills you in many respects but who makes you feel bad about an important aspect of your sexuality? Or will you find someone who honors you as a person who has needs and desires that deserve to be indulged just as much as their own? Will you honor and respect your partner enough to share this aspect of yourself with her, or will you disrespect her and shut her out of an intimate part of your life?

Further Reading

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

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