What to Do If You're Caught Wearing Women's Lingerie

Updated on September 11, 2018
What should you do if you wife catches you wearing women's lingerie?
What should you do if you wife catches you wearing women's lingerie? | Source

The scene: You're home alone in your bedroom, sneaking into your secret stash of women's lingerie. Panties and bras litter the bed, and pantyhose is draped from the door handle. You're clad in your favorite pink satin panties, have a matching soft lace bra adorning your chest, and are busy fastening your new stockings to your garter when, suddenly, you hear a gasp of surprise—you look up to see your wife or girlfriend standing there. You've been caught wearing women's lingerie! So what happens next?

This scenario is all too common for men who wear lingerie, even those who do their best to hide it. In fact, only men who try to hide their lingerie wearing are ever caught, because men who don't hide it are never really 'caught,' per se. For some men, the prospect of telling a girlfriend or wife that they like to wear lingerie is too much. There is the fear of rejection, the possibility of divorce, and even the aspect of social ridicule if their secret gets out.

Keeping Your Panty-Wearing a Secret Can Be a Huge Burden

Unfortunately, the truth has a way of coming out. More often than not, men who wear lingerie often get caught—perhaps because they secretly want to be caught. After all, the burden of hiding such an intimate part of yourself from the one you love can be a heavy one. Once you've been caught, however, what you do next can make all the difference in how things play out in your relationship.

There are two levels of being caught wearing women's lingerie: One is being caught by a girlfriend in a relatively new relationship, and the other is being caught by a wife or a long-term girlfriend. Things are much easier to handle if it's the former because there is not yet an expectation of full disclosure. The early stages of a relationship are all about discovery and gradual exposure, so discovering that a man likes to wear women's lingerie is less shocking for a woman in a short-term relationship than for a woman who truly believes that the man concerned is her soul mate, her life partner, and the one person on earth who she knows fully and completely.

Don't Lie About Your Hobby

The first tip I would give a man in either situation is not to react in a scared, ashamed, or worried fashion. Your partners is surprised, true, but her reaction will be tempered a great deal by yours. If you squeal and start stammering excuses and apologies, you are sending the message that you have been caught doing something wrong.

Like the great Douglas Adams wrote: DON'T PANIC. Instead of panicking and behaving as if you've been caught with a room full of dead bodies, smile warmly and invite her in. Explain what you're doing, if she asks, and answer any questions she might have. Women are very good at detecting lies—better than you might think—and she will know you're lying if you try to tell her that you just started wearing women's lingerie today, or that you're doing it as a dare.

Lying can hurt much more than it helps for a couple of reasons. One, she probably won't believe you, and your lies will only convince her that you are untrustworthy. Two, it destroys your chance of actually being able to include your hobby, or at least the awareness of it, in your relationship. If you claim that it is a one-off event and she catches you again or finds evidence in the form of a pair of large panties left forgotten on the closet floor or in the laundry basket, then all trust will be shattered. Believe it or not, the female attire isn't as offensive to your partner as the lies that have accompanied it.

Your Partner Might Not Accept Your Decision

Now realistically speaking, not every woman is going to react with joy or even acceptance if and when they find their partner dressed up in panties and/or a bra. Some may be repulsed, and some may be so shocked that they simply can't handle it. These reactions are beyond your control, and attempting to control them is folly.

Being caught brings with it an element of undeniable risk. Sometimes things may turn out well, and you can increase your chances of them turning out well by behaving in a calm, welcoming and honest fashion. On the other hand, sometimes things are going to go poorly no matter what happens. Some women simply cannot comprehend, fathom, or accept the idea of a man wearing lingerie. As a man who wears lingerie, is that really a woman you want to spend your life with?

The issue of being caught wearing lingerie runs much deeper than a moment of naughtiness. It involves issues of trust, honesty, and personal freedom. Will you settle for someone who fulfills you in many respects but who makes you feel bad about an important aspect of your sexuality? Or will you find someone who honors you as a person who has needs and desires that deserve to be indulged just as much as their own? Will you honor and respect your partner enough to share this aspect of yourself with her, or will you disrespect her and shut her out of an intimate part of your life?

Questions & Answers

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      • profile image

        brasspanties 

        8 years ago

        I prefer to keep my "dressing" a secret because I assume my partner won't be very accepting. If caught and my partner is accepting, I would be more than happy to share with only them. If not, I will explain that this is a private thing for me and will try to keep it out of sight.

      • profile image

        Betty 

        8 years ago

        With my first wife, I had asked her if I could wear some female clothing. I tried talking her into a bra or a bodysuit. She would not talk about it and our relationship ended. After the divorce, I decided to never hide the fact again and was open with every woman from the first date that I enjoyed wearing all womens clothing. My second wife started off the relationship very excited about it and called me her life sized Barbie doll. After many years together, we only hide the fact from our kids. However, she is very supportive and encouraging about it. She understands my feminine side since she has a masculine side. I fully believe that you have to be true to yourself as well as your partner. Once you both are, the relationship can only get stronger and better.

      • profile image

        iwhcpanties 

        9 years ago

        Hey Ms Hope, wonderful advice again. I would at times hope to get caught wearing lingerie by my wife but I didn’t, but after telling her about it and finding that she was not ok with it that could have been a really bad thing. But at least she now knows and we can move on from here.

      • profile image

        silklover 

        9 years ago

        It is nice to be able to talk to someone that is very open and level headed. One night I asked my wife if I could purchase womens panties since you can"t find reasonable price mens silk panties. To my surprise she loved the idea. First she said no printed or laced panties. Now she loves to see me in panties and turns her on. We even got to where we purchase matching panties and like this morning we swapped panties that we was wearing. I won't wear bras but i will wear a nice nightie and nylons to go with my panties. It is important to be able to communicate with your wife or girlfriend. Me and my wife is able to communicate and listen to each other. with that in mind it helps telling your better half what you enjoy and what she enjoys. If you cant talk and got to hide what your desires are you have problems discussing other issure also.

      • profile image

        ShaneD 

        9 years ago

        "DON'T PANIC" -- Very awesome reference, this made my day. And also very true. Reacting almost exactly as described in this article saved a relationship I had back in college (which ended anyway for a different matter entirely, but that is not the point) when I was caught wearing lingerie by my girlfriend of a few weeks. At the time, we had been intimate only once, and I had planned to tell her soon anyway. I had left my door unlocked, not really thinking anyone would come in without knocking. She was very shocked and even slightly negative at first -- she actually left the room in quite a hurry. At that point, I took off the lingerie and dressed "normally" (all male attire). I caught up with her, and using a calm approach and being honest & open about it, she really didn't seem to mind to much, and even started to like it after a while, although it was never a full blown "Let's go dress you up," type thing. Very well written article, as are all of your articles. I'll keep an eye on your hubs in the future. Thank you for being so kind-hearted and open-minded, I very much so wish society as a whole had your outlook on this topic. Thank you!

      • supersteve profile image

        supersteve 

        9 years ago from london

        i would love to get caught wearing lingerie by my wife any advice

      • profile image

        david c 

        9 years ago

        Wife found my garter belt about 18 months ago and now it is the lingerie clad 800 lb gorilla in the bedroom that we never discuss. But I am not sure if I want her to be part of it, I find the sensualness of the the whole thing to be very personal. Is that being too disrespectful to her?

      • profile image

        Luccy 

        9 years ago

        Dear Alexander,

        I have ever experienced such a thing. It happened when my partner in my office wanted to make a report together in my appartment. She came into my room without knocking at my door. At that time, I was only in brassiers and panties. As she called me, I was taken a back. She said, "Wow, you like wearing girl's items too, after all. Don't worry, I like it very much." I could not express my feelings at the time. I said to her, "Sorry, I must change my clothes or at least I wear my T Shirt and blue jeans before we are working." Then, she said, "I think, it's not necessary for you to do so. I like it, really really like it. Just wear them while we are working."

        After our works finished, we had a conversation. She said, "I'm a woman but sorry I don't like woman's underwear but I have them and never wear them. If you want, just take all my underwear. I like wearing men's underwear."

        Since then, she want me to be a couple. She always treats me as a woman. She wants me to wear women's clothes every day. I like this condition. To my deepest heart, I like woman who can act and behave as a man. I love her, I accept her as my boyfriend. I love you, Sarah.

      • profile image

        lingerielover 

        10 years ago

        I was together with my gf for 2 or 3 months when just by chance she discovered a pair of stay ups in my sports bag. When I admitted they were mine and that I loved to wear tights and stockings, it was not an easy time. It took her some time to accept that a straight man enjoys it to wear stockings etc.

        We spent some time talking about it. The critical issue was after all that she missed openness and trust. But then she no longer rejected it. Now, almost 20 years later we are still happily married. My recommendation is: be open about your stocking or lingerie fetish right from the beginning. Maybe not at the first date. But not too long after that. A relationship is based on mutual trust. Can you imagine how your partner may feel if she suddenly finds out after a long time that you wear lingerie? That may cause serious problems in a relationship. You can avoid that.

      • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

        Hope Alexander 

        10 years ago

        Yeah, that would do it. Guys, an extra caveat here.. as much as you might love your lingerie or make up or heels or whatever, don't be tools about it and flaunt it innapropriately or where it could cause embarassment for your partner. Respect for your partner is imperative for a healthy relationship.

      • JamaGenee profile image

        Joanna McKenna 

        10 years ago from Central Oklahoma

        It wasn't wearing my lingerie that ended a relationship, or even buying him the lingerie he'd choose on shopping trips. It was showing up at the home of friends wearing my blue eye shadow that did it!

      • profile image

        Carla 

        10 years ago

        Bravo, well put. We enjoy lingerie in all of it it's glory. So much fun. Our both collections are immense. Having special dress up party together tonight. Swish swish

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)