50 Things Real Men Don't Do
The day started out as a glorious sunshine-filled Sunday. My family and I were at the neighborhood softball game watching our team lose again.
Nearby I heard one ballplayer say, "Real men don't hit a ball like a girl. Maybe if some players learned how to batter up we just might win a game." As he then knelt down to pet his precious pup that happened to be wearing a pink studded collar. The pup nodded in agreement. Really?
This piqued my interest. I thought what else "Don't Real Men Do?" I wondered if I could come up with a lengthy list.
So I thought I would ask the spectators. At first they thought that maybe I should sit in the shade since the 93* temperatures might be affecting me. Yet, they were more than pleased to participate. I also found friends and family members who were more than happy to oblige with their witty responses.
This article in no way is meant to ridicule men. Men are awesome! They are just easy to poke fun at. In my opinion they are more capable of laughing at themselves than women are.
These comments are based on opinions. I don't agree with all of them. Just some.
Feel free to have your voice heard in the comment section. We will all be interested in your points of view. I'll be sure and share this article with the ballplayer and his darling dog.
Real Men Don't...
- Start drama, they avoid it. They also prefer not to hear about it.
- Wear earrings in both ears.
- Order drinks that come with paper umbrellas, unless the drink is free.
- Say NO to their wives. Ever. Or have an escape route.
- Shave their legs, backs, chests or arms. Heads are fine.
- Talk down to people, they talk to them.
- Hinder their emotions. Crying is A-OK to a real man.
- Dye their hair, they rock their gray strands.
- Wear pinkie rings.
- Wear nail polish, including clear coats. Buffing is acceptable.
- Wear pink unless it's a ribbon for Breast Cancer Awareness.
- Neglect their yearly physicals and PSA tests because real men don't go to the doctors.
- Walk behind their significant other, they walk beside them.
- Sexually, mentally or physically abuse women or children.
- Listen to Coldplay or Maroon 5.
- Sing along to Justin Bieber.
- Wear eyeliner, mascara or lip-gloss.
- Lie to their significant other, because they are smart enough to know that they will get busted.
- Cheat on their significant other, because they are smart enough to know that they will get busted.
- Carry purses. Totes are allowed.
- Ask for directions, they prefer to get lost, waste fuel and swear.
- Use LOL or LMAO or ROFLMAO.
- Go to the potty, they go to the john, head, Men's Room or washroom.
- Wear skirts, unless it's a kilt and never, ever go commando.
- Get facials, pedicures, manicures or skin peels.
More things real men don't do...
26. Sit cross-legged unless you really "have to go!"
27. Bathe in colonge, a little goes a long way. Trust us on this!
28. Have hands that are soft as a baby's bottom.
29. Scratch themselves in public, they should save that for the comfort of their sofa.
30. Wear high-waisted jeans. This applies to everyone.
31. Whine or complain. They just do or don't do. There is no try. -Yoda
32. Gossip like a woman or about women.
33. Speak with food in their mouth or while they are chewing. They also don't blow their nose at the dinner table.
34. Drink until they vomit.
35. Watch Chick Flicks unless they are promised "something" in return.
36. Have to prove themselves. "Be true to you!"
37. Eat quiche.
38. Pay for "it" unless that's the only way they could get "it."
39. Wear Speedos unless they are in a swimming competition or from Europe.
40. Zumba or wear a leotard.
41. Watch Soap Operas unless they are required to by their significant other.
42. Make bodily sounds in public, no matter which hole it's coming from.
43. Wear ponytails that look like a horses tail.
44. Use a pair of socks anywhere else except on their feet.
45. Ask, "What's for dinner?" they cook dinner and do the dishes.
46. Expect things to miraculously happen, they make things happen.
47. Leave their toenail clippings scattered about the floor, since they could become weapons of mass destruction.
48. Participate in life threatening behavior unless they have significant life insurance.
49. Break up with a partner via text, email, twitter or any other social network site. Face to face is the only way for complete closure.
50. Need a list to tell them that they are a real man!
Keith Urban - Stupid Boy
To the real men...
Disclaimer: "Be true to you." Never try to change yourself to please others.
You are who you are and whoever doesn't like it could look the other way. You don't need someone's approval to be the unique person you are.
Are you a man with similar traits listed above?
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2012 Linda Bilyeu
Comments
RE: Quiche?
You OBVIOUSLY have NEVER been through that 'spa' the Army operates at Benning School for Boys, known as the Ranger Course.
After that, you'll eat ANYTHING.
I went in at 170 pounds and after eight weeks of 1 meal a day and—if I was lucky—4 hours of sleep in 24, while humping a 60-pound ruck the rest of the waking time.
I came out looking like an escapee from Auschwitz.
It was a sorry water moccasin that crossed our path while on patrol.....
Part of this list is right on the money. Most are common sense and should apply to either of the two sexes/genders. Seriously, women shouldn’t cheat because men can and will find out...eventually. It’s best to come clean. There are quite a few things I find more of a demand from women then what it is to be a man. 1) Men don’t gossip about women. So let me get this straight Only women can gossip about women and men, but men can only gossip about men. So, basically it’s okay to drag a mans name in the mud on a baseless rumor....got it.
A better idea would be to not gossip at all about things that aren’t of concern to you. 2) Online jargon...really. Hate to say it but men adapt to their environment and that includes language online. Using LOL or the adjacent emoji allows one to express their emotions to the person reading. It’s a lot shorter as well. P.S. You’re showing your age.
3) Hygiene. Manscaping is ok. Some men grow hair in areas like the chest later in life and it become itchy. Also, though I don’t do it it most be understood that having clumps of deodorant under your armpit isn’t classy.
4) Men in adapting to the environment have noticed that people talk about you or have an impression of you based on age which can be negative. Looking a tad younger is a good thing. The only down side is having an insecure person hinder you because they think you’ll attract someone else. How about a deal? We’ll keep our grey if you keep yours.
Real men do not call other people names or make fun of others.
Real men do not kiss and tell.
Great list Linda, fun read.
Blessings my friend
- AUTHOR
I just knew it, jt! :)
- AUTHOR
Hi PS, While this list was written in fun, quite a few took it serious. Uh oh! :)
"And I am sure you rock the look, jtbrock!"
I do! LOL
What a great list...and as you said you don't agree with most of them but they ARE out there now...there are some ladies should consider NOT doing as well :D
Have a lovely Friday...foggy here in Alachua county today....
Angels are on the way ps
- AUTHOR
And I am sure you rock the look, jtbrock!
great list but I have to disagree with #2. I wear earrings in both ears and I am a real man...
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you speak about really man but in reality ............
ouah
Hi Sunshine625,
I love it. I caught my Daddy gossiping with two of his friends one day when I stopped by for a visit with him and Mama. I had never heard him say a single word about anyone before this and I had to laugh. They were busy sharing and did not hear me come in the front door.
And as far as the pony tail---no one looked as good as Steven Seagal in a ponytail when he was young. I liked men with long hair years ago. And, now I like them groomed, dressed and clean with little after shave then, they get an A+ from me.
I think men in white long sleeve shirts are very sexy. Do one on what makes men sexy to women. You are great at these list.
Until later,
Bobbi Purvis
Can I apply lotion, hehehe?! Well, Ms. Sunshine, it depends on the generation you are in, that's what I think. Vanity is also applicable to men for personality development. Maroon 5 and Justin Bieber is in our generation, so we like most of their songs, hahaha!
- AUTHOR
Thank you for sharing your point of view, Eric :)
So why do men have to have to be tough? It isn't my job to be tough or manly for the female gender. I am as entitled to my emotions as any woman is. I don't see why my mindset has to be tailored to any women's (or man's) expectations. I like most women I have met in life but frankly my life and my emotions do not revolve around women or societal expectations of manliness.
If men disappoint the author she might do well to remind herself that we do not need to match up with her expectations. Our existence was never required to be justified by female approval and I would like to remind all men of that fact.
To be honest I don't often hear men say "If she was any kind of a REAL woman she would..." I have definitely heard women say similar things towards men. Truth is that women do not have the right to define masculinity for us. Just as it would be wrong for us to define it for them.
Plus... I will listen to Justin Beiber all I want!
Real man lead and do what they want. They don't follow other people standards of what a real man is.
- AUTHOR
Sending you some sunshine Jean :)
Now you make me feel bad..... ok, but I bet some of you girls think it is true! I have to say I wish that men had the guts that women have. Too many men are just chickens in our society... By the way, canyou send some warm weather from your part of the world to PA, we have been buried in snow and cold. Peace Jean
- AUTHOR
Hi Jean, This list is intended for those with a hearty sense of humor. Thank you for sharing your thoughts :)
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Sunshine625.
You are one of those women who want to put man in a box ...I would say the Brummel box of the Victorian era where men have been stuck since then. You are full of hypocrisy! Women have no more boundaries for what they can wear, you even wear men clothing and it is ok! For centuries men were real men and they did not go by the list above. Go tell a Roman soldier he was not a real man... what about Alexander the great who conquered the world in a skirt! What about Louis the XIV king of France who wore high heels shoes......Women have taken every piece of garments they wear today from men. Skirts were worn by men, women wore long dresses, high heel shoes were first made for men as well, pants for men....... People like you want to keep men stuck in some boring fashion trend forever.
- AUTHOR
That's great for you Teaches! You are a lucky lady! :)
Bronte, an earring is ok. Not multiple. Thanks!
I think real men don't wear earrings at all
This is right on, Linda! I wouldn't change any man with these traits (my hubby has the majority of these). Great list! You have my vote!
Oh wow... awesome... so a man can totally cheat on his wife for a few weeks and then tell her that he is under a spell and that she needs to send his and her photo to this Esango Priest dude and everything will be right as rain again in just 48 hours. That's awesome! I'm gonna go have a few 8x10 glossies made just in case an opportunity... I mean, need... yes, need... arises...
- AUTHOR
LOL Chris. Oops.
LOL!
ah, shit.
- AUTHOR
Wow Vicky, that's some story! I wish you the best of luck!
This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i meant a post where this man Esango Priest have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self. His email: esangopriest@hotmail.com he is a good man and straight forward human
- AUTHOR
Pologuy ... I repeat (from above) "This article in no way is meant to ridicule men. Men are awesome! They are just easy to poke fun at. In my opinion they are more capable of laughing at themselves than women are."
Where the hell did you come up with this list. As far as #2 (earrings) I can assure you that PLENTY of heterosexual and homosexual men here in stuffy Washington, DC wear earrings. Its a personal choice to wear them and has absolutely ZERO to do with one's worth as a "real man" - SHAME ON YOU for asserting such rubbish...
Ok Sunshine,
How many of these have to apply before I get defrocked as a real man? (If I really ever was) (never going to use LOL again) (Oops, I did)
Great hub, voted up+
- AUTHOR
AI ~ George Greene Jr. ~ KBEvolve ~ Rusticliving ~ vnsatakopan ~ Wesley Meacham ~ Miller2232 .... Your comments, wisdom and humor is appreciated by myself and many readers! :)
I can agree with some of them.
I watch the Soaps to catch up on the latest in ladies fashion. I do want to look my best!!!
If you think about it...
Numbers 35 and 38 contridict each other.
Just saying.
Some interesting and hilarious points here. I watch soap operas in spite of being a man because my wife expects me to give her company while she is engrossed in them.
Hahahahaha...Real men also should kill the mouse! Love it Linda! ♥
#50 is all that matters.
real men also wear tights and perform stunts in a 3-ring circus that a so-called macho man wouldn't dare!
Greatest men of all time wore rings. Ring men wear silver rings!
- AUTHOR
Thank you for sharing how much of a man you are George! :)
I must be the oddest one here to comment on this list so far! I am 51 and a real man goes back to school to relearn a trade or upgrade to what is new in his trade! I am a 51 year old sophomore at California University of PA and I am the only man who goes around with my ring and necklaces and bracelets while wearing a dress(sometimes a pink one!) and yes , the girls do date me! they feel it takes a real man to show his true self! and yes I am straight! I am also a local celebrity on the radio and people call in just to ask me for cooking tips and to ask what I am wearing! And this is on a music show!
so to me, real men don't sit in a closet: they bring the closet out!
- AUTHOR
Ok Michael, if that's what you want to believe, go right ahead and I wish you good luck.
no, A real man does whatever he wants. He can watch any program and remain manly.
ROFL.. You are so funny! Older men in speedos are the funniest! You always make me laugh... Voted up funny @ awesome! Happy Halloween my friend.
- AUTHOR
Way to go DiscoProJoe! It sounds like you are a man on a mission of happiness:)
I'm one of the 20 percent (or so) of straight men who wasn't born with a "male ego," so I knew I wasn't a "real man" before even glancing at this list. Let's see...I'm an individualist feminist; an arm-and-leg shaver; a diehard fan of happy, sappy, bubbly dance-pop music and bright, rainbowy colors; a non-drinker and non-smoker who's strongly into natural and holistic health practices; and four years ago, I risked everything I had to flee the infantile-machismo culture of the U.S. by moving to the lovely city of Chongqing, China, where I'm happily building my life, and where I can actually find lots of friends and enjoy a real social life as a real person for once! Go figure....
Ouch! I am glad that this is all for fun, otherwise "real men" would so busy being worried about breaking a rule they couldn't express themselves. Or worse, they wouldn't have time to pay any attention to us! Haha!
I do agree men shouldn't shave their legs. Or anything else that isn't there facial hair or sometimes their head if they are so inclined. It is kind of disturbing. Everything else I could ignore. But then, I live around a lot of bikers, and they all wear earrings. It would terribly dangerous to assume or accuse them of not being 'real men"!
Great hub! Going to read the twin hub now!
- AUTHOR
Levertis, my answer would be a no. I always suggested the nearest restaurant that served wings and beer :)
Real men do not talk with food in their mouths! Have you ever cooked for your husband and his friends for a ball game or wrestling event? All of those crumbs on the floor after it is over are the result of them yelling and swearing while eating :o)
- AUTHOR
Hi Julie, No feathers ruffled yet, but then again maybe no one let me know. Haha! It's all in fun. If we can't laugh at ourselves that's kinda sad. Thank you for your comment! :)
Well I haven't read all the comments so I'm not sure if you ruffled any feathers- LOL - but this was hilarious. I know a lot of men who do these things so if they don't have a sense of humor, they sure as hell might be 'irked' but I loved the list format and the way you did this. You did this one before I showed up, but I noticed it while I've been perusing everyone's new and pretty profiles. Great job!
- AUTHOR
Hi Heidi, I'm glad you enjoyed the list of how to be a real man! :)
Looooove it!!!!!!! I really needed that giggle fit. Thanks!
- AUTHOR
Way to go HLKeeley! Good for you! :)
Thank you Nikki!
Your comments are appreciated!
great hub!!!
This was amusing. I was wondering if you were going to condone that list, but when I got to the disclaimer I smiled. To the man who shouted, I play softball with the intramural team at my school and I hit farther than any of the guys on my team.
- AUTHOR
Penofone and rfmoran...your additions are fabulous! Thank you so much for adding on to the fun! Real Men Do Not Watch The View! That's EPIC :)
krsharp, Your comment is appreciated!
- AUTHOR
Ms-Chrysalis...I should have added "do not listen to Justin Bieber" that's a great addition to the list! I still don't get the Coldplay, but that came from a pitcher so I thought he knew something I didn't. Thank you!!!
- AUTHOR
Hi Cogerson, It's kind of difficult not to use the "potty" word with youngens around. Heck I'll probably never stop using it...it's just a fun word. Thanks for stopping by!:)
Funny Hub. a few contributions: Leave the toilet seat up; shop in millinery stores; obsess about a small stain in a rug; flip the middle finger to other motorists; watch The View." I'll think of more. Voted up and funny.
Brilliant and hysterical. Well done. -K
hi didn't it mean to self actualize the dealings with women in order to make the list itself?
I think real men wear boxer shorts and drink beer in them!
Take care of the people that matter the most,
i.e. real man in the neighbohood of it does
Anish
B.B.
- AUTHOR
Thanks for the revisit Love Doc!
Hi James! Thanks for the votes...not just my perspective (and humor), quite a few get credit. It's a good think Real Men Have A Sense Of Humor :)
This list was great Linda, interesting and cool to get your perspective. A lot of these were funny as well, voting this up, funny, awesome, and interesting :)
This is very funny! I came back to revisit. voted up!
- AUTHOR
"don't" get the Coldplay.
- AUTHOR
arealman ... Real Men Don't share their opinions until they read the entire article. The majority of this list came from real men hanging around a softball field in 93* heat without alcohol. I still get the Coldplay one either, but to each his own.
I'm glad that your blogs are about as unseen as Danny DeVito's underwear. Most of the ignorant and self-biased things in this list make absolutely no sense at all. Coldplay? Who are you kidding with this? This handful of ignorant and bored halfwits? One thing remains a FACT. This is YOUR opinion... no one elses. And that will remain so until the end of days. Good luck with your "life". lol ;)
I liked the listings. great.. thanks
This is a great hub! #28 had me rolling! I'm voting up and funny. This one made me LOL and I can type that with my baby bottom soft hands while listening to Justin Bieber because I am a woman. (Side note....I was being sarcastic. I can't stand Justin Beiber!! It should be said that a real HUMAN never listens to Justin Beiber! jussayin.)
I read the women hub earlier but I finally read the other side of that hub with this hub......very funny stuff....I am relieved that I am not guilty of any of these 50 items....although I did hear myself say yesterday to my wife....I have to go "potty"....but I blame my two little girls who use "potty" all the time....I think I was just making sure my wife knew where I was going...lol....voted up and funny.
- AUTHOR
Haha good one Mahesh! Now why didn't I think of those! You might want to create your own list...something to think about!:)
- AUTHOR
Thanks for sharing Lisa! I'm glad you liked the list!:)
Voted up and shared
Sushine hub is a laughing riot.. point 21 and 26 made me laugh my guts out... don't do list can go into 1000s but below are few which i would like to share.
1) Real men do not dig their nose in public as they get plenty of time at home...
2) Real men do not cry in public only exception is being their inebriated condition
I think this list is really great. I do think real men do a few of the things on the list......like wear pink or ask what's for dinner sometimes or .... one or two others.......... but that is what makes the world go round.......... different minds. Cute hub. Very interesting. Voted that way and up.
Lisa
- AUTHOR
cnhughes and Dina Blaszczak...I appreciate you both stopping by and sharing your thoughts!:)
- AUTHOR
Anjili, Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I actually like earrings on men...depending on the man, how many earrings and a stud not a hoop.
Darkproxy, Very good point! Men can say potty while with a child! Yes, there are times when men should say NO! Thank you for sharing!
Awesome hub, very entertaining and has some truth in it :) I agree with some of the points while others made me hearty laugh. Enjoyed reading it!
Interesting and funny. This belongs in a cosmo magazine!
A few issues with what's on the list.
1-Say no to their wives? really now so if the wife wants to buy a hand bag instead of getting braces for the kid the man is supposed to just say yes?
2-go to the potty, what if we have to talk in manners young children can understand, ie we are caring with children under the age of 6 ie my niece was 4 once and didn't grasp the concept of the bathroom is the potty
It seems like we have very few real men around.
There are a few here that really disgust me. They are;
2.Wear earrings
14.Sexually, mentally or physically abuse women or children
25.Get facials or skin peels
41.Watch Soap Operas
45.Ask, "What's for dinner?" they cook dinner
Men are slowly discarding their masculinity. Good share. Men should read this:)
- AUTHOR
Scream like a girl when they see a bug! They squash it!
- AUTHOR
LOL good one Polly!!:)
I'd say all the real men showed up here, lol.
Polly
I see you linked to part two .My hub. Thank you very much.
- AUTHOR
I was thinking the same thing Maria! As the comments went on and on I thought "wow" these are too funny!!! Thanks for your witty comment!:)
Not sure if the list or the comments are funnier, Linda!
This is a lotta fun ... all in the name of finding a "SWEET TALKIN GUY"...!
Voted UP & FAB! Hugs, Maria
- AUTHOR
Way to go Bill, I wish you would tell us! Haha!
Funny Sunshine! I'm 49 for 50. I'm not going to tell you which one I do!
Sunshine625 Lets play again. I just wrote this hub. Can you write a follow up
- AUTHOR
JKenny, Thank you for sharing!!!
Hi Deb, An iPad case is cool, do not fret!:)
Moonlake, You are the first to bring up the spit!:)
Thank you all for commenting!
- AUTHOR
Way to go anivard!:)
Thank you Lovedoctor!!
I didn't read all the comments but I would add spit to the list. I hate seeing a man spit I don't understand why they have to do that. Voted up.
Haha. I may not be a real woman (per your other list) but at least I'm married to a real man (as long as I don't count his iPad bag as purse; it's more of a manbag).
Great list Sunshine. By the way, I'm from Europe and I can tell you that I have never worn speedos or considered wearing them. Something about them makes me shudder.
As for the rest, I'm not quite a real man, I have used LOL a couple of times in texts. Damn! So close as well hahahaha!
Real men don't order drinks that come with umbrellas. That's the one that stands out for me.. I like the disclaimer. Vote up funny..
Wow! I'm a 'go' for all 50. Amazing.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Mikey and Steph for your thoughtful and witty comments!:)
- AUTHOR
Iwriteforyou, your Zumba story is too funny!! Thank you for sharing!!
KDuBarry, Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!:)
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