How To Break Up With a Best Friend (Or Any Friend)
Why Would You Want To Breakup With a Best Friend?
You should be loyal to your friend throughout thick and thin, right? WRONG. A good friend, who supports you, comforts you, and shares joy with you may be worth sticking with during the bad times. But a friend who brings you down, makes you feel bad, or adds negativity to your life constantly is not someone that you have to be loyal to for life.
There is no law book that says you are not allowed to remove people from your life if they make you unhappy. There are many reasons why you may want to break up with a best friend.
- They constantly criticize you.
- They are too negative.
- They hold different beliefs than you (and it's causing problems).
- They exhaust you with their drama.
- They like to talk about themselves but never listen to you.
- They are selfish.
- They are manipulative.
- They are mean.
- They seem to be using you all the time (a real friend wouldn't do that).
- There is no trust in the friendship.
- They have gone bonkers.
- You just want to move on.
There are many reasons that you may want to end a friendship, and none of them are wrong. Just because other people don't agree, they are YOUR feelings and that's makes them okay.
And Sometimes Friends Just Don't Agree Anymore
How To Break Up With Your Friend - 5 Steps
So, you can't just say 'get outta here' like a little kid and have your best friend run away. Well, you can, but it probably won't work out to well for you. So following is a 5-step process that I have used to slowly distance myself from past negative influences and move on with my life.
Note: These steps are not about playing games. Chances are at this point you have tried to talk to your friend and make the relationship better, but you are at your wits end and just want out. If your friend has no idea that you are upset, then you may want to talk with him or her first. However, if you feel that it won't do much to do that (I've been there), then by all means, use these 5 steps on how to break up with a best friend to ensure that you can get on with your life without a big fuss or negative confrontation.
Step 1 - Start To Put Some Distance Between Yourselves
Right now, your relationship consists of habits. Those habits are the bonds that hold you together, even if the rest of your relationship is heading south. You need to break those habits so that it will be easier for you and your friend to move on. So, if you spend 7 days a week together, then start spending only a few days together. If you normally meet for lunch on Wednesdays, then cancel it. Chances are your friend will be upset, but they won't confront you about the behavior.
Step 2 - Tell Them You Need a Break
Yes, this sounds an awful lot like a romantic relationship, and it kind of is. Your best friends have a connection that many people do not get to share with you. Tell him or her that you are not sure how you feel about the friendship anymore and that you need some time to think. If they want to talk, then share your feelings. But if they try to make you feel wrong about how you feel (aggressive friends usually will), then leave the conversation and take your intended break from the friendship.
Step 3 - Let Them Know You've Decided To Move On From The Friendship
Eventually they will call you. This is the time to tell them that you have decided that the friendship no longer serves a positive purpose in your life, and you have decided to move on from it. I know this sounds harsh, but this is how you feel right? You want to break up with your best friend and get on with your life. You have to be honest, so that they understand exactly how you feel.
Step 4 - Don't Call, Email, Text or Make Contact With Them
Just like a breakup with a romantic partner, you don't want to give them any false hope that you still want to be friends. They are likely going to be hurt by the end of the friendship, and if you give them signs of hope, then you may end up causing them even more pain.
Step 5 - Get on With Your Life
Start building new routines, and if you want to start looking for more positive friends to create relationships with. The amount of freedom and happiness you will feel when you cut a negative friend out of your life is huge. It feels as though a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you are able to just become the person you want to be.
How To Deal With A Friend That Won't Let Go
If you cut off contact with a friend before they are ready, then you may end up making them really upset (or possibly insane). But you can't let how they deal with the situation affect your decisions in life.
How they choose to react is their choice. There is not much you can do about their reactions. But you can keep yours in control.
1. Don't Get into a Fight With Them - Or Anything With Them
They may be itching to tell you off and get under your skin. They could also be dying to talk to you so that they can try to win you back. But resist the temptation to communicate with them. It's like I said before, if you do, then you may be giving them false hope for a potential friendship.
And remember, desperate people are very convincing. They are willing to say what you want to hear so that they can get their way. If your friend convinces you to feel sorry for them or give them another shot, then all of your effort will be in vain and you will have to start over.
If you resist the urge to give and and talk to them they will eventually calm down and leave you alone. Their emotions just need to relax a little, and that only happens with time.
2. If They Are Threatening You Then Don't Take It Lightly
Most of the time they will be empty threats. They are hurting, and they are trying to make you feel as though they don't care about you. However, if they show up at your door, then you shouldn't just greet them like you normally would. Stay behind closed doors and call the police if you have to. You need to let them know that you are not willing to take abuse from them because of a choice you made for your happiness.
Have You Ever Gotten Back a Friendship That Went Downhill?
I Want To Be Friends Again!
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This does happen. You may break up with your best friend only to realize that you want to be friends again. However, ask yourself some questions before you start calling them and reconciling.
1. Have the issues which caused me to end the friendship been fixed? If not, then your friendship will likely fall right back into the same place it was before. If the friendship is going to be different, there the issues have to be solved first.
2. Do I really want them back? The feeling of wanting them back often happens when you have hard times in life. You start to crave that trusted friendship that you had. Sometimes you may just miss the old them - the one that was truly a good friend to you. Remember that they changed over time, and the person they are now is not the same person they were before. You are longing for the old them, not the current them.