My best friend lied to me, what do I do? He is such a liar, do I still continue being friends with him? My bff lied to me and talked behind my back, what do I do?
Unfortunately, lying, betrayal of trust, talking behind someone's back and a broken heart are a part and parcel of any relationship, including friendship. If you don't know what to when your friend lies to you, read on for tips that will help put your worries to rest.
1) Stop Sharing Stuff With Your Friend – Set Your Communication Boundaries
One of the first things to do when your friend lies to you is to set communication boundaries. Knowing that your friend has lied to you, the last thing you'd want to happen is to let a betrayal of trust happen again before you sort things out. Maintain a distance from your friend when it comes to sharing stuff without letting your efforts to do so become apparent.
It will take nerves of steel to restrict yourself from offloading the usual barrage of gossip, secrets and other chit-chat on to your best friend. But remember that it is in the interest of your friendship that you refrain from talking openly with your friend like you always did, at least for the time being.
2) Reflect on Your Own Behavior - Did Your Provoke a Lie?
Did you say something that caused your friend to lie to you? Did any of your actions influence your bff hide the truth from you? Did your dominant behavior drive your friend to lie to you? Questions like these are a mere introspection to see if your own behavior was the root cause leading to a situation where your friend said a lie.
In no way does this mean to inflict self-guilt. Because at the end of the day, your friend is not supposed to lie to you regardless of a situation where your behavior caused him /her to do so – Friends are supposed to be honest and trustworthy no matter what. But it pays to be armed with insight and a little introspection into your own behavior will allow you to be more open minded.
3) Ask Mutual Connections If Your Best Friend Has Been Hiding Things From You
Chances are that you and your friend have mutual connections and other friends in common. Ask around casually to see if your friend has been up to strange antics or has been talking behind your back.
Don't make your attempts to snoop around very obvious. Subtly navigate your way through some of your common connections and see if there is more to your friend's lie than what meets the eye. The more information you have, the better it is.
4) Confrontation: Ask Your Friend Why He/She Lied to You
Once you are armed with all there is to know, ask your friend why he/she lied to you. Below are some of the most important aspects of this confrontation
- Be calm and relaxed
- Allow your friend to speak – Don't interrupt
- Hide your emotions – Being too emotional can let other people have their way in conversations
- Avoid a knee jerk reaction and brand your friend a liar – Just absorb your friend's side of the story
The key to having a firm yet friendly confrontation is to be calm and remember that you want to know why the lie happened, from the horse's mouth. Allow your friend to lay bare his/her heart and mind.
Make a Decision: Do You Still Want to Be Friends
Building trust in a relationship is a very difficult thing to do. It is an uphill battle that is worth fighting only if a relationship is worth saving. Now that you have confronted your friend and you know why he/she lied to you, you are armed with making the penultimate decision – Do I still want to be friends with someone who is a liar? Before you answer that, know some of these classic situations your friendship can fall into.
- You and your friend look past this minor hurdle in your relationship. You build trust in your friendship again and the both of you continue being bff.
- Your friend is no longer your best friend. However both of you continue to maintain a friendship which, however, is a far cry away from the magical 'real friendship' that you both had before the lie.
- You decide that your friendship is no longer worth keeping. Both of you go your own ways and bid your once beautiful friendship goodbye.
- You have a fall out with your friend over the lie. Once the best of buddies, the both of you now hold a very strong grudge and animosity towards each other.
Where do you see your relationship with your friend going at? After you have confronted him/her, the ball is now in your court and you need to decide whether you want to remain best friends, just friends, ex friends or current enemies. Confused? The below metaphor might help.
'A good friend is like a rough diamond. Once polished and nurtured, it becomes the brilliance of your life. Beautiful diamonds also have edges that can sometimes hurt. You can either tolerate the slight discomfort for its brilliance or you can move over to polishing another one, or not having one at all. What are you going to do?'
Carolyn on June 09, 2020:
My friends lie to me today! It was so heartbreaking that they would do such a thing.i give them ice cream
Chloe on May 07, 2020:
My best friend said her mom said no one was allowed to come over to her house because of the corona virus but I saw a tiktok of her and another person that’s he claims to “not like” and they were at her house. She always says that once quarentine is over she will invite me but she is kinda fake idk what to doooooo like I already feel like so alone in this world and that adds onto it
KingHarry on May 02, 2020:
My best friend took a pic from social media and put it on his Instagram saying me that it’s my grand mother .But it’s just a random woman ..He also fooled me by showing a photo of a model from Instagram saying me it’s my brothers Pheonse..And when I found out the truth abt that model he made more stories .I don’t want to leave him what should I do .And I know he says lies at each step
john Liitela on April 09, 2020:
i just broke up with Aaron after putting words my face they got me bullied i some help
Lara Monge on March 11, 2020:
I told my bff that I’d be going to the beach and missing school but my excuse was that I’d be calling in sick . Then I found out that my who,e class knows about it I only told her and my other friends told me she told them. I asked her about it and she said she didn’t tell them but I don’t believe her I don’t know what to do I get so sad when I’m alone I already suffer emotional waves I don’t know what to do . She uses me to talk badly about other people
Epicman99 on February 29, 2020:
My Cousin Copied My Vids And I Told Her Why, And She Said She Didn't Thank You So Much pairedlife!
Ava on February 06, 2020:
My friend lied to me about dating my ex. One day she said she was the next she said she wasn't but really was. she said i was being rude but she lied right to my face and was happy about it. People these days.
Galaxy Star on November 07, 2019:
Yah, my friend lied to me. She only wants to be friends with me because she just wants someone to compare to. I get straight A's and she gets Cs and Ds. I don't want to be friends with her. She keeps looking through my stuff and taking stuff without asking. What should I do?
Hannah on May 20, 2019:
my best friend Heather lied to me and told my that she was 14 but her mom told my that she was 15 i asked her about it she said she had memory problems it wasnt a big deal ok whatever and then i went to the hospital with her a few days later and the doctor asked if she had any memory problems or anything like that and she answered no so i dont know what to do... i dont know if i should be her friend anymore or call her out on it
Lauren on August 18, 2018:
Yeah I know what that's like you might have trouble trusting him or her my friend Nina lied to my told my my ex friend Dominic talked to her tried to get me to be his friend again and that she shut him down it turns out that Dominic didn't really talk to her that she wanted to feel like a victim herself when she's not and it scared me so bad that I thought he was stalking me she gave me a fright
sabrina on September 18, 2017:
My best friend had confronted me if I told other friend about how I said she was made me lose my friends. Well at the time, I lied to her face. One month later, she finally spilled the truth about how she went through my phone, and saw the messages. She said she didnt know how to react, but for her not leaving me out of the picture, and fianlly told me what had happened, she is still here. I realized deeply that I had been given the second chance of our true friendship. To others, they saw first impression is bad because she has a mean look on her face, but once you get to know her, she is such a sweetheart. Idk what brought me to say what I had to say about my bestfriend, but I know I do really love her a lot, and I hope she does not change her mindset about our friendship. I know I have a problem, and I am willing to change just for her because she is my other half. I just have a hard time telling the truth, because lets face it, the truth hurts. I know what it is like to be a fake friend, and the feeling is horrible. I want and will change just for my bestfriend, its the least yet the most I can do since she forgave me for ruining a betrayal. I love you bestfriend, I really do.
Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on April 07, 2014:
Wow! What a piece of great writing. And what a timely subject that all of us have dealt with or dealing with--a best friend who has lied to us. I voted up and all the way. Great job.
I have a best friend from the time we were in second grade (too many years to count) and she and I have went in and out of each other's lives for years and finally reconnected on Facebook, but listen. She has this habit of just leaving our chat without using any respect for me. She does this often and it is irritating.
If she would just say something like excuse me. I will be back. I wouldn't be writing this, but I hate to tell her afraid that she will kick me out of her life, so the two choices I have are: Tell her and gamble losing her or Endure this and suffer in silence.
Please help me.
And you might check out a few of my hubs and I would love to have you as a follower.
Dark Knight on February 09, 2013:
when simple lie can get out control that because to many lies can destroy a really good friendship can never be ever fixed:(
Dexter Yarbrough from United States on July 10, 2012:
This is really great information on how to deal with a broken trust in friendship. I hope people that have experienced this read your hub to help cope and for advice. Excellent!