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How to Make New Friends After 40

Richard is a professional writer. When he's not creating, he's actively pursuing his goal of becoming a handsome billionaire.

We all need meaningful social connections at every stage of our lives.

We all need meaningful social connections at every stage of our lives.

Lacking Friends

Was it Tombs or Forester who said “the easiest way to make new friends is to create them in your head first and then let the Law of Attraction take over?” Don’t bother Googling that, I just made it up. You see, that was my biggest problem. I spend so much time trying to be an interesting writer that I sometimes don’t know when to turn it off.

In fact, I spent so much time writing that I neglected to keep up with my social skills with real, live people. This left me in a real bind a couple years ago, when I ended a long term relationship with a woman I thought I was in love with. The bind materialized because when I wasn’t writing, I was spending all of my free time with my girlfriend and bonding with her children. And, being back in this city after living out of state for 14 years, all of my new friendships were being forged through my girlfriend’s network of friends.

So, when things went sour in our relationship and I decided it was time to end it, it seems I also lost an entire network of mostly her friends as well. Who needs superficial friendships like that anyway, am I right? I thought so in the beginning but soon after, for the first time in my life, I felt empty.

That emptiness led to depression, which then fueled thousands of words of emotional sap. Most of what I had written in that state of mind ended up in a dark romantic comedy screenplay. My own words and the characters I brought to life on paper seemed to disperse the feelings of emptiness and bring me out of my temporary funk.

To be clear, I wasn’t exactly a hermit during that rough period. I did have a few family members living nearby. And many of my oldest high school friends lived about an hour north of me. We met up a couple weekends and reminisced and as much as we talked about getting together on a regular basis, we were pretty much left with communicating on Facebook. The reality that we all avoided was that unless there was a major event like a reunion, a wedding, and unfortunately a funeral, Facebook would remain our primary source of socializing. We’re all in our forties so it is what it is.

Nobody can drag you, you have to take the steps yourself.

Nobody can drag you, you have to take the steps yourself.

Make It Happen

So, how does a reclusive writer in his forties find and meet new friends? I’m glad you asked me that because I’m about to reveal how people my age can forge new friendships; not for the sake of romance but for the sake of our own sanity.

I may have made up that quote in the first paragraph but I firmly believe in the Law of Attraction. Simply stated, Like attracts Like, Positive attracts Positive, but also Negative attracts Negative. I’m not even going to attempt to explain how or why the universe reacts in this way. All I will say is that it’s a cosmic thing, so trust me.

Acting on the belief that Like attracts Like, I made a list of the top ten things that I like. My list included the obvious things, such as: writing, drinking craft beer, watching movies, camping, and live comedy. It also included some things that I enjoy but wish I had more time for, such as: cooking, drawing, photography, theater, and fantasy sports.

For the next day or two, I refined my list by narrowing down the types of movies I enjoy, the types of food I want to cook, the area of photography I find most interesting, and lastly, there is only one fantasy sport I’m truly interested in and that is fantasy football.

Fantasy Football Live draft party

Fantasy Football Live draft party

Quick Tips

  • Make a list of the things you like and enjoy.
  • Refine the list
  • Keep an eye out for the connections
  • Craigslist (Groups and Events)
  • If you don’t find what you are looking for then make your own post because someone may be attracting you to do it.

Putting It All Together

Still wondering how a list of things I like is supposed to help me find new friends? Well, I’m glad you asked because I’m about to give the big reveal.

You see, as soon as I created the list, I set the universe in motion. I was using the positive force of the universe to attract everything on my list. The only thing left for me to do now was to recognize when the connections were complete and then act on them.

I had gotten pretty good at recognizing the connections because I am well versed in ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne. As she is the top expert on the Law of Attraction, I highly recommend that you read what she teaches on the subject.

It was an email, that I almost deleted, which contained a connection to the second item on my list. It was an advertisement from a website called LivingSocial that was offering a tour of five local brew pubs and included samples of each of their craft beers and a discussion session with their brew masters. Even better, it only cost me $20 which was a 60% discount! Err, I mean, even better, because it is where I met Lisa and Stacy, a pair of true craft beer aficionados

Almost immediately I started to find groups and events on Craigslist and that catered to every item on my list. A year and a half after my breakup, I connected with a fantastic woman on with similar interests in photography and cooking. Oh, in a couple of weeks, I’ll be attending our second annual live draft party for my fantasy football league.

I know this was titled how to make new friends after 40, but I guess it doesn’t really matter how old or young you are. Go make a list and let the universe help you forge some new friendships.