How to Handle It When A Friend Cuts You Off

Updated on November 15, 2017
kiddiecreations profile image

I have a degree in psychology, and I am a mom to two young sons. I love all things art, and I enjoy writing about my life experiences.

When A Friend Cuts You Off, It Really Hurts....

I speak from experience when I say that when a friend suddenly cuts you out of his or her life, it can be devastating...

Here, I will share some steps you can take to deal with the heartbreak, forgive, and move on with your life - with or without the friend who hurt you.

Remember, in Your Grieving, Not to Despair

Don't lose hope. Your friend may not be speaking to you right now, but that doesn't mean the friendship will never, ever be re-kindled in the future.

  • Try to accept that, for now, your friendship with this person is on hold, for whatever reason.
  • Even though it hurts you very deeply, and you have to go through the grieving process, remember that all things are possible with God
  • Someday your friendship could very well be restored.
  • Have hope and faith, and put it in the Lord's hands as to whether you become friends again in the future.

You Had Some Good Times Together... So Allow Yourself to Grieve

Losing a friend to a broken friendship is kind of like the break-up of a romantic relationship, or even comparable to a death. You have lost someone dear to you. That person who you used to be close with, is no longer in your life, or at least, not at this time. It hurts. Really bad. Knowing this, allow yourself the time you need to grieve the loss of your friend. You have some good memories of this person, and it hurts to remember the special times the two of you shared, but as you look back, try to remember that you gained some valuable lessons from this friendship, and it was a blessing to have this person in your life, even if it was just for a season.

Remember, It Probably Isn't Your Fault

When my friendship of 10+ years with my best friend suddenly became broken, I was heartbroken. We had known each other since high school, and I had always looked up to her. Now, all of a sudden, she had cut me out of her life, without any explanation.

Deleted from Facebook. Not answering my calls or texts. Simply. Gone.

It hurt. I cried and grieved, and I wondered, "What did I do wrong? Did I somehow cause this?"

Through this experience, however, I've learned that even a best friend can have issues or struggles you may not be aware of.

Chances are, if this person is cutting you off out of the blue, after years of being friends, then there is a deeper problem that you have not been made privy to. So don't blame yourself. As difficult as it is to stop wracking your brain, thinking of what you could have done to prevent this moment, it is happening, and there's (most likely) nothing you did to cause it. It is something going on with your friend, and you have nothing to do with it at all, so don't punish yourself.

Reach Out One More Time, Then Let It Go

If you have tried to reach out to your friend multiple times, without getting a response back, it may be time to accept it and move on. But maybe you could just reach out one more time.

When my best friend announced that she could no longer speak to me after 10+ years of friendship, I tried calling her and texting her right away, with no response. I left her a voicemail, but heard nothing back from her. I saw that she had deleted me on Facebook, which really hurt. I emailed her, but never got a response.

I let some time pass, for both of our sakes. After a few weeks without speaking, I decided to reach out to my friend one more time. I sent a hand-written card to her, explaining how much her friendship meant to me and how hurt I was over what had transpired. I told her I would always wish the best for her and her family. At this time, I did not hear anything back... But that's not the end of the story.

Pray for Your Friend

Pray for your friend. I know it sounds crazy. This person, who was one of your best friends, confidants, and allies, has hurt you deeply and profoundly. So it does seem counter-intuitive to pray for them. But try it. Pray God will bless this person, and help them to overcome what trial or hardship is going on in their life at this moment.

Pray for healing for your friend, and for restoration of the friendship, if it is God's will. As long as you are burdened by the broken friendship, continue to pray about it, giving it over to the Lord. Pray that the person will make contact with you, and restore the relationship, if possible. But most of all, pray for the person to be healed, comforted, encouraged, blessed, and be made right with the Lord.

Forgive Your Friend

This goes along with praying for your friend, because as you pray for him/her, your heart will become softer and more open to forgiving. As difficult as it is to forgive this person who hurt you so much, it's necessary. Not only does God command us to forgive others as He has forgiven us, but it also releases the forgiver from the bondage of holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness, which can be debilitating if not dealt with.

So, forgive that person, not because they deserve it, but because God calls us to and because you will destroy yourself in the process if you hold onto bitterness in your heart.

Easy Ways to Nurture Friendships

  • Call a friend. Talk on the phone to get to know them better
  • Plan a day to hang out and go to the movies
  • Work out with a friend at the gym
  • Invite a friend to go swimming
  • Ask a friend out to lunch
  • Buy a small gift for a friend, to let them know you care
  • Write a note or postcard to a friend, so they know you were thinking of them
  • Text a friend just to say hi and ask how they are doing

Nurture Other Friendships

It can be very difficult to accept that your friendship has ended, or has been put on hold, with someone who has been very special in your life. You may have spent a lot of time with this person in the past, and now you are probably at a loss as to who to hang out with, who to call when you need a shoulder to cry on, and so on. Perhaps you do have a lot of other friends, but none compared in your heart or mind to this person.

I know the feeling. When my friend cut me out of her life, it wasn't as though I didn't have any other friends. I actually had a substantial group of friends from college who I was really close to, and I wasn't even living in the same area as my friend anymore. I would visit her every few months when I came home to see my brothers and my parents, and we would always have great talks and good times together. I'd call her on the phone (or she would call me) at least once a week to catch up. I considered her one of my best, oldest, and dearest friends, so it came as quite a shock to suddenly be cut out of her life.

Something I learned through this experience, however, is that friendships often exist in our lives for a certain season of time. Sure, there are some friends who you can hang out with after not seeing for two years, and it will be like you never went a day without speaking. But I believe some friends are in our lives for a certain season only, and that's also OK. Through this, I learned to nurture the other friendships that I had, and I became much closer with other friends who live closeby, who I have more in common with now anyway.

My Story's Conclusion

After about 6 months of not speaking, and much prayer, continually surrendering the situation to the Lord, I had pretty much given up on ever hearing from my friend again.

However, she finally contacted me one day, completely out of the blue. She e-mailed to let me know that she had gotten my card in the mail, which I had sent all those months back. She said she had been busy and that the real reason she had not contacted me in so long was because of some issues in her life that she had not been able to tell me in all the years we had been friends. The issues were deep-seated and genuinely had nothing to do with me. I was totally shocked that in all our years of friendship, she had never shared any of this with me. She said that due to the issues (which I won't divulge here for sake of privacy), we could be in contact but our friendship would most likely never be the same, since she was going to need to get professional help for her problems.

Since then, we have emailed back and forth a few times, but things are not like they used to be. I've learned not to put people onto pedestals, as we are all human beings and we all have certain struggles and trials in our lives that we must deal with. I have moved on, and I now continue to nurture the friendships that are most dear and treasured in my life right now. While I forgive her and wish her well, I no longer look to that friendship to provide the fulfillment in my life that it once did.

Ultimately, we must look to God above anyone else in our lives, and realize that God will be a closer friend to us than any person on this earth! Someday, perhaps my friendship with this individual will be restored to what it once was, but I leave that in God's hands, to do what He pleases, according to His will.

I hope that sharing my story and advice helps anyone who is hurting over a broken friendship. Blessings to you!

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    • Orlaghmccavana profile image

      Orlaghmccavana 

      42 hours ago from Goring by sea

      How can I deal these friendships that made me break up with my new or old friendships by my new or old friends blocking me on ig or leaving me out of our friendship?

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      3 days ago

      Hi NC girl,

      I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your two best friends within the past two years. That would certainly be difficult to deal with. Saying a prayer for you today. May God be with you and bring you comfort and encouragement right now.

    • profile image

      NC girl 

      9 days ago

      Thank you so much for sharring this. Ive lost my two best friends in 2 years and its been harder than anything.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      3 weeks ago

      Key,

      That's really sad that she cut you off so close to your birthday. I know how hard it can be to think about celebrating without someone who you were so close to. Please remember that there will be other special people in your life who will be excited to celebrate with you when the time comes.

      It's ironic how people can turn things around on others. She did most of the inviting, yet now she feels smothered. The best thing to do is give her the space she's asking for and just pray for resolution. There is definitely something deeper going on most of the time, in my experience. God knows our needs before we ask Him and He alone knows the heart of your friend and her issues/struggles. Praying for you both!

    • profile image

      Key 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you for this article. I am currently dealing with a friend that decided to cut me off three weeks before my birthday. She mentioned that she needed to figure out her life and that felt smothered. Often times she was the one calling me and inviting to events with her and her family. I never looked at it as me smothering her. I have come to the realization that she must be dealing with something deeper than what she has told me. I of course panicked and did something that I regret. I sent her an email asking for forgiveness but she has not responded. I have prayed for her and I pray that she forgives me and if it is God’s will he reconciles and restores our friendship. Thank you again for the article as it has opened my eyes to realize maybe why things turned out the way that they did.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      3 weeks ago

      Courtretort,

      I do see what you're saying, but I think what you're referring to is when friends drift apart, which sometimes just happens naturally. This article concerns when a friend suddenly cuts you off, not simply because you've grown apart due to being in different seasons of life. Sometimes, friends do naturally drift apart, and it's not necessarily hurtful to either party. If you have a class with someone and strike up a friendship, you may drift apart when the class is over and you no longer have that commonality. If your friend gets married and you're still single, you might naturally gravitate more toward your single friends, because you both have that stage of life in common. But when someone cuts off a friendship, it means they sever ties with that person completely. It's not just that they don't get together as much anymore because they drifted apart. There's a split--a parting of ways and a refusal to have any contact whatsoever, and that's what is extremely painful. Keeping a friendship that you've had for 10 or 20+ years, in the sense that you get back in touch once or twice a year to catch up, is not going to stunt anyone's growth or keep them from "giving birth" to a new season in their lives. Refusing to answer someone's phone calls, deleting them from social media, and literally cutting ties completely is what is very heartbreaking and not "natural"--there's usually a deeper reason than just "growing apart." I hope that makes sense.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      3 weeks ago

      Tracie,

      It sounds like it could be a combination of reasons. It would probably be best to give her space right now and wait. See if she contacts you after some time passes. I know how hard that can be. Please be good to yourself and nurture other friendships during this time. Hopefully then, your mind won't be as focused on the situation. God bless you!

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      4 weeks ago

      6Kat,

      I'm really sorry to hear that you feel like you've been replaced. That has got to be a crummy feeling! Has all contact with your friend been completely cut off? Or is she just spending more time with this new friend now? Give it some time and perhaps the friendship will come back around. Glad this page can be uplifting to you in some way. The Lord bless you!

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      4 weeks ago

      Horsegirl,

      I hope your friendship can be restored with the person you hurt as well. I will pray over that situation, for this person to have a forgiving heart towards you and for everything to work out. God bless!

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      4 weeks ago

      Andrew,

      Thank you for your response and kind words. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you again. We have been pretty busy here lately.

      It sounds to me like you really held your mother's thoughts and opinions in high esteem, and that even now you regret letting her down by marrying Ruth against her wishes. It's amazing how much power and sway our parents' attitudes and opinions can have over us, even when they are no longer with us anymore. The parent-child bond is such a strong one! However, as close as you were with your mother, and as much as you valued her advice and input in your life, you did make the choice to marry Ruth, and she is the one that God had for you to spend your life with and raise a family with. As sad as Jennifer's circumstances have turned out, and as much as I'm sure you have good intentions in trying to help her out, it just isn't appropriate. With all due respect, you decided to reach out to her over email, and I'm not sure that decision was well-advised. I'm so sorry to hear it has caused you so much stress and anxiety and brought on health problems. God's Word and His truths are so important that they trump even the thoughts and opinions of our (well-intentioned) parents. "What God has joined together, let man not separate." -Mark 10:9. God joined you and Ruth together, and His covenant takes precedence over the thoughts or ideas of any person, regardless of who it is-- even your mother. I think that when you focus on the truths found in His Word and on making your marriage stronger, you'll transition into a new season where you are not so hyper-focused on this other person, and where you can have peace and tranquility in your life again. Let it go and truly give it all to the Lord. God bless you in this!

    • profile image

      Courtretort 

      4 weeks ago

      Cutting off a friend is not always out of meanness or due to a problem. It may be because you somehow froze a person into a moment of time, or a season of time, and they were growing and changing and/or needing to grow and change in a direction you were not. Their move away was really going on for a long time and you were not able to see it, maybe not want it.

      Sometimes it works the other way. You may be the one growing and changing and the other person is not.

      The parallel is to your own life. At 15, you are not the person you were at 5, and at 30 not who you were at 15.

      Learn to "release" people from stages of development you may even be binding them in, perhaps more for your own needs. When we hold seasons back and keep them from evolving, it's like binding one's legs when about to giver birth. There often, too, has to be a death before a birth of a new season, both for you and others.

      Wouldn't it be said for any of us if we had to stay in the diaper stage of life for a parent who did not want us to group up? Those parallels exist in the life of friendships, too.

    • profile image

      Tracie 

      5 weeks ago

      This just happened to me as well. I’m getting two conflicting reasons for her silence if I get any response at all. One she thinks I did something I didn’t and two it’s because she has some “battle“ going on that I wouldn’t understand. I have no idea which one it is. She’s been through a lot and I’ve been there for her through a lot and she knows I can handle pretty much anything.

      Her silence is killing me!!!

    • profile image

      6Kat 

      6 weeks ago

      Thank you for putting this out on the internet. I'm happy to have stumbled across it! I recently had a friend cut me out of her life and "replace" me for reasons I don't know. We hadn't been friends that long a year maybe) but I don't have many people I call friends and I felt like we had a good connection for a good friendship. Anyway, for whatever the reason(s) she has moved on. I'm working through my feelings on it but your article has helped affirm what I've been feeling and doing to help myself through it.

    • profile image

      Horsegirl1974 

      6 weeks ago

      I read your story and I will pray that God will restore my friendship with a certain person that I hurt. I hope one day she can forgive me.

    • profile image

      Andrew 

      7 weeks ago

      Dear Nicole,

      I just read your reply to my post -- thank you so very, very much!

      You hit the nail on the head with your observations.

      I am writing this to clarify and provide additional context to my earlier post.

      It had occurred to me that I was infatuated with Jennifer -- for some reason, my mind refused to *see* her as she was now, rather than as she was when we were young. Moreover, you're right, I do have a *very* strong tendency to idealize; I idealized her when we first dated -- she said so little, it was easy to fill in the blanks as I imagined, rather than as they were -- and the complete absence of any resolution when we parted, led to me not being able to forget her and needing to find her again, to get answers. There wasn't space in the original post, but this desire to find her was exacerbated by the fact that when she came to visit my family in 1973 -- when she drove up to tell me she wanted to break-up and date other men -- my mother actually took a liking to her! Years later, when I was dating my future wife, Ruth, I found that my mother was not as fond of her and suggested I hadn't found the *right* person; I'll never forget, when she once pointedly asked, 'whatever happened to Jennifer?' a few months before she died of breast cancer…I was very, very close to my mother -- she knew what was in my soul better than anyone else. She also had the gift of prophecy -- everything she ever told me about my future and my future with Ruth has indeed come true, both for better and for worse. I never forgot her words... but they sowed the seeds of doubt that have been working their way in my heart ever since. So, you can see that the combination of her liking Jennifer (she never liked any of my other girlfriends!), not much liking Ruth (I went against her wishes in marrying Ruth, following my mother's death) and Jennifer's battling breast cancer -- the very disease that killed my mother! -- in addition to the breast cancer and other incredible hardships of Jennifer's life, all combined to create a 'perfect storm' of turbulent emotions in my life. There is no other woman all this could have happened with, only Jennifer...

      I became convinced God had brought us together for some greater good, perhaps to help her in some way. I was so keen to have us all become friends -- her younger son plays piano and I used to be a violinist; what joy it could have brought all of us to make music! But, no, she wouldn't have it; she won't meet Ruth, saying it would hurt her too much. Indeed, she once told me that she cried so much following our initial meeting last October. I'm probably thick as a brick, but I don't understand why? If she was so in love with me, why did she not find my letters and write me decades ago? -- I would have torn the house apart, had it been me! Why didn't she retrace her route to our summer house? She once drove 650 km to get there; she's a very bright woman, surely she could have figured it out? There are so many, many questions, but she won't give me any answers and now won't even communicate with me, so I may well never know. The whole thing is one massive enigma, that makes no sense, but has been driving me slowly insane. I have lost weight, started losing my hair, break into tears all too easily -- I really think finding her in such a state, yet not being able to help her, has brought me to the edge of an abyss. To be fair, it’s not completely her fault, but is rather the latest in a series of life-changing events. For one, my Dad passed away with Alzheimer's a few years ago, which took an enormous toll on me. Also, Jennifer had been saying for months previously that I needed to refocus on my wife and marriage; so in truth, she really has behaved honorably throughout and it's only my own fault, my stupidity in not being able to see her as she is now, that has brought us to this sorry mess.

      I haven't said much about Ruth, but I do love her very much and have showered her with many, many gifts of jewelry, flowers and every other imaginable thing to show my love for her over the years. Yet, I can't deny that the shadow of my mother's disapproval, coupled with her liking Jennifer, and fighting the same dread cancer has wrought havoc with my psyche. Had Jennifer been married and more or less happy when we met last October, none of this would have happened. It was her loneliness and need combined with the factors just mentioned that literally 'pushed all my buttons'. I'm a problem-solver by nature, but this is so far, far beyond my ability to 'fix' that I have I have only been 'spinning my wheels' to the point of a nervous breakdown...

      I have no wish to have an affair with Jennifer, but I cannot deny still having an overwhelming need to help her somehow. But she's cut off all communication, so there's nothing I can do -- it's in God's hands now, just as it has always been. I can only pray for her. How I wish I could understand His purpose in bringing us together again -- I am *sure* there *must be* a purpose, it can't all just have been coincidence...

      Thank you again, Nicole -- your words have helped heal me, you have a very rare gift of insight. God Bless you for your kindness and generosity in helping so many benighted, confused souls like me!

      Andrew

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      7 weeks ago

      Aaron,

      Hi again. I do remember your story. You seem to be very conflicted about having this person in your life. Perhaps, if having this person as a friend gives you this much anxiety, it's not a good idea. Also, you mentioned "negative soul-ties" a couple of times. I haven't heard of that before, and I've never read anything about "soul-ties" in the Bible. So I don't know what you mean by that. I think you should be wary about believing in soul ties if it's not something God tells us about in His Word. Keep praying and seeking God on this whole matter.

      "You will keep him in perfect peace,

      Whose mind is stayed on You,

      Because he trusts in You." -Isaiah 26:3

      If this friendship doesn't bring you peace or a closer relationship with God, maybe it's not worth keeping. Blessings!

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      7 weeks ago

      Andrew,

      Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you will take my comments and advice in the best way possible, and know that I'm coming only from a place of concern for you and your marriage.

      You mention that you believe in God and believe that He is in control. In that case, I would encourage you to keep reading His Word in order to determine His will in this matter and have peace about it. You are married. The woman you married chose you and has faithfully loved you all this time. You have children together. The woman you are married to *is* the one you were have *supposed* to have married. Why? Because you chose each other! And God ordained that covenant and does not want your eyes or heart wandering away! Your wife did not walk away and leave you hanging, she chose to have a life with you and make you her everything. This other woman is someone from your past who you were infatuated with. I dare say that you are in love with the *idea* of this other woman, not the woman herself. Please, recommit yourself to your wife and don't look back! Don't buy flowers or a card for this other woman. It doesn't matter if it's her birthday or not. It's not your responsibility to bring her happiness or fix her life. Let her go and let God help her and give her everything she needs. She has done you a favor by cutting off contact, because by continuing to see her and entertain ideas about her, you could very well have been on the brink of having an affair. Your commitment is to your wife and your family, so please, go buy your wife some roses and a nice card. Write something heartfelt. Then delete this woman's information and put it out of your mind. Read your Bible and fellowship at church with other believers who are strong in their faith. It's not a sin to be tempted, but it is a sin to give in and we are supposed to run away from temptation! Sometimes, being "cut off" can actually be a good thing, and this is one of those times. God bless.

    • profile image

      Aaron 

      8 weeks ago

      Hey Nicole, you probably do not recall me or my story-but its basically my best friend and only friend at that time abandoning me supposedly for good five months earlier.

      I learned to live without him, and even identified the problems in the relationship-both mine and his. Its horrifying to note that not only we had a negative soul tie, but he too has numerous negative soul ties with various of his friends and spouse from the messages we used to send one another.

      It feels hurtful knowing I got the short end of the stick though, that I was sincerely the only one cut off and disregarded as I did not have any other friends but him-I did suspect he indirectly or directly manipulated it to be so so he can get a clean get away.

      That being said, I could be wrong, but after deciding to check it up after a long while of abstaining from him, I feel like its pretty much spot on. I suspect its also cause Im a christian and the devil is indirectly using that to cause him to not be delivered from his bondages.

      I seriously want to help him out now that I am better, even though majority of the people would probably just dump and throw him aside if he did what he did to me to them. I even prayed about it and believed I receive numerous confirmation that this relationship will be ressurected and restored better than before.

      That being said, its not encouraging knowing that besides this relationship, you do not have stable Godly relationships (or they are just in the beginning stage) and numerous of other issues which I do not wish to say.

      It does not help knowing your parents, whom are the only ones who know you since young, are extremely against the idea of this relationship being restored alongside other promises. It also does not help knowing that these parents have abused you in the past and mistreated/judged you. Sometimes I do not even know if I should listen to them.

      Overall, I learnt to do better with Christ who is now closer to me than ever, and I have to forgive everyone on a daily basis and hope for the best case scenarios in Christ.

      I pray that everyone here receives confirmation whether to keep praying and believing for ressurection or just dumping any hope for the relationship and focusing on someone else.

      Everyone has to move on nonetheless as even if the relationship gets ressurected-I highly doubt the person or even yourself will be the same person you know back then especially since this abandonment has happened.

      Still, for my case. I do not know what I should even do, asking Christ whether I myself should attempt reconciliation after all these months or remain silent if its not the right time. Its pretty dismaying and lonely especially knowing that even though you changed, many circumstances including those outside the relationship are termed “in the process of changing” but in the natural it does not seem much is happening.

      Its also kind of horrific knowing that your ex-friend has negative soul ties in the past and currently with not just you, but with numerous others and its potentially killing and agonising all of them.

      I do not know what to even do, I mean Im praying, but should I even take action??? They said faith without works is dead but at the same time, we cannot go ahead of God’s timing.

      I wish to hear an answer from Christ himself, its just sad. I can listen to so and so but I do not know for sure if that’s a sure sign of what I should do.

    • profile image

      Andrew 

      8 weeks ago

      Dear Nicole,

      I was very moved by your words and especially about praying for the friend that is gone from your life.

      I've recently had an experience that has shaken me to my core -- I would appreciate any thought or comments you may have.

      Many years ago, I met and fell in love with Jennifer -- we were each other's first love; she was 19, I was 21. We dated for a few months, I spent a week with her family in early May of 1973 and then we were apart until the end of that summer. In late August, she drove 650 km from her home to visit me at our family summer home; I so looked forward to seeing her, I could hardly stand the wait! The first thing she told me when she saw me was that she wanted to break-up and see what other men were like. I was absolutely heart-broken; she is the only woman I've ever cried over. We saw each other a number of times during the following year, but despite always seeming to be happy to see me, she always somehow kept me at arm's length. There was something enigmatic about her, I could never be quite sure what she felt or meant, but there seemed a strange 'push-me, pull-me' at play that I couldn't understand. I came to the conclusion she just wasn't in love with me and so before Christmas 1974, I left to go home. I figured if she wanted me, she had my addresses and would contact me -- we had written each other many letters and it seemed like a reasonable assumption. In 1975 I began a new phase of my life, time passed, but I never heard anything more from her. The decades flew by -- I got married, had children, worked at my career; but I never forgot her.

      Then in early October, 2017, I found her name and e-mail; Jennifer was working in a town fairly close to where I lived -- I sent her an e-mail, and we agreed to meet. Forty three years had passed since I last saw her, I was now 66 and she was 64 -- but none of that mattered; when I looked into her eyes, I was 22 and suddenly I was in love again, only more than ever. It felt as though I was spiralling down from a precipice in slow-motion! We talked for hours over dinner; what I learned overwhelmed me with every emotion I could feel: love, tenderness, an incredible sense of compassion and a desire to help and protect this beloved woman. Although she was a medical doctor, she was deeply unhappy, her personal life scarred with traumas. She had two sons she had raised alone -- her 'ex', never married her and then abandoned her during her second pregnancy; she had a nervous breakdown in 2000; she was a cancer survivor with a first mastectomy in 2006 and a second in 2015. She had lost all her hair following chemotherapy; it was now a pepper-and-salt gray from her original dark brown. Her sons had left home for University, she had never married and was now very, very lonely.

      My heart leapt out to her, I was desperate to take away even a little of her pain -- but what could I do? I was married! We started texting, saw each other for dinner a few times -- everything seemed fine, there was so much to catch-up on! Then in early December, without warning, she cut-off all communication with me without explanation. For days I was in agony not knowing what had happened; when she finally texted me, she told me that she needed to keep her distance from me for the sake of my marriage! Ever since we met, she had been very curious about my marriage -- I told her I was married with a family 5 minutes after we first met -- yet, she kept asking whether I was happy, and seemed curious about the nature of my relationship with my wife, Ruth. I had never told Ruth about Jennifer, as I didn't think anything was to be gained -- we had never done anything more than hold hands, so there was nothing really to tell! There was no question, however, that I was again in love with Jennifer; yes, I was now in love with two women, one from my past, the other from my present! Jennifer also told me she too was still in love with me. Still, I was honest: I told her I could never leave Ruth -- I could never do to her what Jenny's ex had done. Her constant needling about my marriage finally resulted in me telling Ruth about everything that had happened; although she was surprised, she was also very understanding -- she trusted me! We had made a life together for 35 years, and we weren't about to throw that away. In the end, after much turmoil, Jenny and I seemed to come to an agreement. By the end of January, 2018 we resumed texting, though less frequently, finally met again for dinner and a concert in late February; things seemed back to 'normal'. Then, at the end of February, her older son got a job on the other side of the continent -- she was obviously distressed as her sons were her only family. She went to visit him and attended a conference afterwards in March; following her return, I heard nothing more from her except a terse e-mail saying that I was married, with a family and that she had no part in that.

      I had assumed we were going to stay friends for the rest of our days, that I could be there for her -- I would do anything for her, short of leaving Ruth! But, there it was: she cut me off without warning, without explanation and has not replied to any phone calls/texts/e-mails since. I feel devastated, hollow and empty -- I never saw it coming! Since re-connecting with her last October, I have found her even more enigmatic than ever: she thinks a great deal, but says little. The same 'push-me, pull-me' tendency is there except it seems now more Jekyll and Hyde. To this day, I don't know why she never contacted me during all those years apart, but she seems to blame me for not having contacted her; she seems to have suggested she was 'waiting' for me during her medical school training, but she never contacted me to say so! I feel torn with guilt that I hadn't contacted her in the early 80's when we were both still single -- I would gladly have married her without a second thought and certainly never left her. How different our lives would have been! Worse of all, I can't get rid of a growing certainty that she was the person I had been 'meant' to marry; seeing her again, I have come to realize she is the only woman I have ever truly loved with all my heart and soul -- which is a devastating realization given that I'm married! I still don't know whether she ever really loved me or now just regrets leaving me because she has no one else. I was so convinced God had brought us together for a reason -- we have been living and working for decades within 100 km of each other; her kids went to university in the town I live in and the younger son works there still. Such things don't happen by coincidence. Our lives have been moving in close yet, non-intersecting circles until now. And now that I have found her again, she has broken off all contact! I don't know what to think: is this a consequence of her traumas, cancer, the chemotherapy, a borderline personality disorder, abandonment and hardship, all of the above?? I just can't understand her behaviour -- we're not young anymore; isn't having someone who cares for you better than being alone?

      I do believe in God and I believe that He is in control of our lives; but I also know that her days may be numbered -- two rounds of cancer, nine years apart doesn't bode well. I would so much like to give her some joy, bring her some happiness, but I'm at a complete loss as to what to do. I have written her a few text messages since April, to let her know that I pray for her and her sons and that she is in my heart and thoughts, but have not received any reply. Her silence seems to suggest I should leave her alone; I intend to send her flowers and a card for her birthday in June, but if I don't hear back, I intend to stop contacting her afterwards.

      I am at a complete loss; what did I do wrong? How could a miracle like finding one another after forty-three years be cast away like so much trash? I pray that God will reveal His will to me, as right now all is darkness...I am so desperate for some good to come from this.

      I love this woman more than life itself; but I haven't a clue what to think, or what to do...

      Thank you for any advice or thoughts you may have.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 months ago

      Sara,

      You stated, "I just have a hard time forgetting about the friendship. I wish I hadn't dedicated my 4 years of life to this one person. I have faith in God that He will help me get through but it may take some time and hopefully not too long..." I wanted to address this part of your comment. It can be so tempting to think you have wasted those four years of your life by pouring into this friendship. I have had similar feelings before as well. Truthfully, though, we all need to focus on what's true and right, and the reality is that anytime you invest in a friendship in this life, you learn and grow as a person, and become who you are meant to be. So please don't think of those four years as a waste of time. Also, God never EVER wastes anything that we go through, *especially* when we go through painful experiences in life. He will use it to His glory, if you allow Him to. I'm glad to hear that you do have other healthy friendships and that you're getting the support you need right now to get through this. One day at a time, and whenever this person pops into your head, take a minute to pray for them. "...The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."James 5:16. Don't lose hope :)

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 months ago

      Audrey,

      Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. I truly cherish uplifting and supportive people! God bless and thanks again for taking the time to be a blessing.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 months ago

      Holly,

      Eight years is a long time to be best friends with someone! I want to start by saying that I'm truly sorry to hear the hurt this whole situation has caused you. It is never easy dealing with these types of scenarios, but the fact that she's a family member makes it even tougher. You asked, "Besides ignoring her is there another way to deal with this situation and how do I get past this knowing we will always be in each other’s lives because of family?" Honestly, that is a difficult question. Were you ever able to address any of the problems in the friendship with her? For example, you mentioned that she never remembered your birthday and you usually paid when you went out to restaurants. Could you possibly go out to coffee with her and address these things? I would sit down with her, and lay it out there. Speak the truth in love. Say, "You know, I have always made it a point to remember your birthday, and it hurt me in the past that you did not reciprocate that. I also don't mind paying for lunch sometimes, but the following time I would like you to pay, to make it fair. I do miss your friendship, but until these things are worked out, it is just too difficult for me not to feel hurt and resentful." If she still comes back with petty and mean responses like "You're weak", then I would say, ok see you at the next gathering and goodbye. At that point, you tried your best and that's really all you can do. Be polite to her at family functions, say hi, and move on. She seems like she has some maturing to do. Pray over it and definitely give the outcome over to God. I hope it works out!

    • profile image

      Sara 

      2 months ago

      Recently my friendship ended with a "best friend." We had known each for good 4 years. I was the one always there from her family problems, to relationships. to her education transition, to anything a part of her life. I was the one to be there always. I had gotten myself way too attached to her and her family. This year she decided to start seeing her old friends in which for some reason all of them don't like me. I had a career change myself this year and she wasn't able to handle my problems for few months. She started to believe that I was becoming toxic. when actually in reality I was tired of handling all her problems for 4 years but I just never said anything because as a good human being I just wanted to help her and be there. It has been 1 month since she decided to cut the friendship off. I tried contacting her and all she says to me is "it is my life. my choice. my journey. when and if I want to have you in my life and when I am ready I will tell you myself." She also says words such as "thank God I am no longer you freind." I tried even apologizing from my end. I did everything possible. There is nothing I can do. I just have a hard time forgetting about the friendship. I wish I hadn't dedicated my 4 years of life to this one person. I have faith in God that He will help me get through but it may take some time and hopefully not too long. I do have friends that are supporting me and helping me get through this rough time as well. If any suggestions do let me know. thank you.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Such a tough situation to be in. Yes, it's painful, but what marvelous advice you've presented here for handling an experience like this. Well done!

    • profile image

      Holly 

      2 months ago

      I have a weird situation where the best friend I cut off is related to me. Its been about 3 years since I walked away but I still find myself hurting and when I read articles like this it’s always in the perspective of the friend who was walked out on and never of the friend who walked away.

      This was s toxic friendship I had to escape from. Everything was about her. We were best friends for 8 years she couks never remember my birthday and I often paid when we did go out. Whenever she would get upset with me she would disappear, ignore my calls or texts for weeks then reappear like nothing happened. Often I was to blame for everything and she often used social media to portray how great she was doing while ignoring me then when we’re friends again I’m not doing things to help. She often described me as weak and how I should be more like her and how strong she was and I wasn’t.

      I started seeing a therapist after becoming really down and focused on bringing myself up and into a positive place. When I started seeing a therapist she stopped talking to me. Then when we had a disagreement she would say this is why I’m so crazy and why I need help. I literally walked away when she referred to me again as weak. I got up and walked away. Unlike this article and the other commenters she never reached out to me. I would see her at family events and she would say hi and I would say hi and that was it. I was upset and hurting and wanted to maintain distance with her. We ran into each other on my birthday and I started crying and talking about how hurt I was and she looked at me completely emotionless and said well it’s your fault all I said was you’re weak. I felt stupid and decided I was truly fine with her. I texted her I did not want to be friends with her and I’m not sorry for anything. She never responded. 6 or so Months later she texted my sister telling her to tell me to call her. I thought It was weird she couldn’t call me herself so I didn’t call her. Months after that I found out she was pregnant I debated for a few weeks then decided to text her. Congratulations I wish you the best”. She responded I wish you the best as well.

      Months after that I saw her a few times at family events and her behavior has been bizarre. She goes out of her way to ignore me but in a “I want you to see I’m ignoring you way” she’ll pass my table, stare at me or just appear miserable and snotty. I try to ignore her but every time a family member on her side will comment on how ridiculous it is that we used to be best friends and now we don’t speak. I leave this events feeling sad and to blame for everything. I often contemplate reaching out to her despite her never having reached out to me. And I just can’t take it anymore. Of everything I know about her, I know she is petty and has a need to prove something or to show how much better she’s doing despite the fact that she’s the problem. Besides ignoring her is there another way to deal with this situation and how do I get past this knowing we will always be in each other’s lives because of family? It’s been 3 years I walked away yet I still feel so much hurt and anxiety regarding this friendship.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 months ago

      Anonymous,

      Wow, what a painful situation. You said you don't know what to do. Well, you came to the right place as there are a lot of others here who are in the same boat as you, and I too have obviously experienced it! Pray for your friend! Give up the situation to God. Then wait. That is really all you can do. If, looking honestly at the situation, you did not do anything wrong that you know of and you tried to be a good friend, then there's nothing more you can do. Perhaps someday, this person will come back around and the whole thing will get resolved. I hope so. If not, trust that it happened for a reason and do your best to move on. Wishing you many blessings and encouragement today!

    • profile image

      anon 

      2 months ago

      So this very close friend of mine cut me off fairly recently, and I definitely had no idea what was happening until today; I lost my phone Tuesday, so I obviously can't get any messages. I tried talking to her Wednesday and she would look me in the eye and not reply which at first made me think "can she not hear me?" but then it became consistent, like in the halls and when we had encounters alone. For example, this morning she was at a locker near mine and i asked her if i had done anything wrong and why she was ignoring me but she just laughed and walked away. I later asked a mutual friend of ours whats wrong with her and he simply stated "She said she texted you that she doesn't f with you anymore" and I was and still am really confused. He went on to say that she was talking to everyone about how I was fake and a horrible friend and that she cut me off because i went against her wishes about being friends with someone. Now here's where things get iffy - anyone who knows the real story (she does too) knows that she specifically stated she does not care about any of her friends friendship with this person as long as they do not talk to her directly. Exact words "I don't care if you guys talk, are best friends, aren't friends, just keep them away from me," and I only know this because she mentioned this multiple times before AND we had a text conversation, so... I was really tripped on that. I don't understand how a person could do such a thing, she was one of my closest friends and she back stabbed me and is throwing me under the bus for a fake issue... But, I don't know what to do!

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 months ago

      Kelly,

      Oh man, I'm so sorry your friend was so unsupportive and ended up cutting you off like that. It sounds like with the issues going on in her own relationship, she projected onto you and couldn't handle it. Maybe she was afraid you would make similar mistakes that she did, etc? Who knows. How do you move on, you ask? Well, it is kind of like the break-up of a romantic relationship, in the sense that someone who was a big part of your life is now no longer in the picture.... and that can be a difficult adjustment, for certain! In time, the wound will get easier to bear, although I have to say that the hurt never fully goes away. As you nurture other friendships and your relationship with God, your heart can begin the healing process. Hang in there!

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 months ago

      Jean,

      I'm so sorry to hear about your coworker friend who deleted you from FB. I wonder what scared him off? I had a situation like that once too, with a coworker, before I was married. We got to be great friends at work and would go out to lunch together sometimes. We decided to have dinner together at a restaurant one night. Then he stood me up! I was laid off from the company, but years later, ended up working there again. I tried to ask him what happened, but he never acknowledged it! It was so weird! He added me again on FB while I was employed by the company. But then I got pregnant and that job ended (I was covering for another employee who was on maternity leave). He deleted me again once I was not working for the company anymore. Bizarre! I guess we will sometimes never know what is going through a person's mind. We may just have to trust that God is working things out for the best!

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 months ago

      Maegan,

      I realized I never responded to your question. I think if only one day has passed without contact, the person may just want a break, like you said. Or they may just be busy or forgetful. If you text someone, for example, and they don't respond right away (or at all) they may have just gotten busy and forgotten to respond. I'm not sure if that's what you're referring to, but I hope everything works out with your friend :)

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 months ago

      Belle,

      I know what you mean about tainted memories. I do try to focus on the good though, and consider that those times were still special and important in shaping the person I am today. But it is hard to look back and realize that the person you thought you knew, may not be the same as you thought. Keep your chin up.

    • profile image

      Kellygirl89 

      2 months ago

      I had a best friend for 40 years. Her husband cheated on her and I found out about it first, but just days before she did. I felt horrible for her and my heart broke. Her husband turned it around to make me look like the bad guy. She started yelling at me and telling me how bad my boyfriend was to me and what a piece of garbage he was. I knew she was hurting and needed someone to blame. I stood by her and told her that if she loved him and wanted to give him a second chance that was her choice. Eventually, I confronted her and said how she hurt me with her comments about my boyfriend, who isn't perfect and neither am I, but I love him. I would never tell her I hated her husband, even though I did. I mean, he cheated on her for years with more than one woman. This was in her home and her bed. We finally patched things up and I really thought our friendship was unbreakable. A few months had passed and I got engaged. I told her the news and she said she didn't approve. Okay? Later we picked a wedding date and I hesitated to tell her, because I knew how she felt. Eventually I did. She ended our friendship. I am totally crushed. I have been friends with her for, since the 3rd grade and we never fought and were so close. I cried my heart out. I still can't believe her. She was a big part of my world and she just cut me off. How do you move on from that?

    • profile image

      Jean 

      3 months ago

      Hi Nicole,

      Thank you, your article is comforting. Although I don't put much stock in FB, I too had a recent unfriending that I just don't understand. But this refers to a guy friend that I used to work with. A couple of years ago when we met, and worked together, it was like working with an angel. What I mean is...I was going through a terrible time with my ex-husband..(he was unaware of this however)...but working with him comforted me. He was such a gentleman. Of course, a crush ensued. I could tell he had feelings for me as well. He was younger though, and shy. However, the connection was there, no doubt.

      When stopped working together, he reached out to me about 8 months later, he friended me on FB, sent me a private message on FB & gave me his phone number. Needless to say, we just stayed friends. I contacted him a few months ago for his birthday & he responded.

      Now 2 months later, I go on FB & he pops up on FB at the same time, 5 minutes later he deleted me! I have no idea why?! I'm hurt because it's as if he saw that I was active, and got rid of me at that very moment. I know he has a history of anxiety & has struggled with it to a great degree. But this hurts nonetheless!

    • profile image

      Belle8bete 

      3 months ago

      I’m suffering right now in a similar situation. She was in my wedding a few years back (we were the best best best friends in college) and she has just ignored me for a couple of years. I reached out and said “I feel like you are avoiding me (or maybe you are busy) but I miss you and would like to catch up. I feel disconnected and am not sure why.”

      Never heard back and found out she unfriended me on fb. It’s bewildering. I keep trying to figure out all the things that could have made her do this but really the issue lies with her, not me. It hurts a lot though and I feel like a lot of good memories are tainted now.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      3 months ago

      Hi Kim,

      I love that bible verse you referenced! Yes, it is so hurtful when a friend you love and have so much in common with decides to cut you off. Sometimes it takes a great deal of time before that friendship can be restored, and sometimes it is still never the same as it once was. However, all things are certainly possible with the Lord! Praying for you and the friend you are missing. At least you know you've done all you could and that it's in the Lord's hands now!

    • profile image

      Kim Wiggins 

      3 months ago

      I thank God for you and what you said. I had a friend who I cherished and I felt we had so much in common with each other. I said somethings to her that she felt hurt her feelings. I apologized over and over again. I told her that I was angry and hurt too. She stopped taking my calls and my messages. I finally talked to her and she was still cold to me. I tried everything. You gave the greatest advice pray. God says in his word pray for those that despitefully use you.

      I know I have loved her, I know I have given to her from my heart ❤️ and tried to be a loving friend. I pray that one day she will in return forgive me. I pray peace for her and me and I pray love and prosperity. I can move on now knowing it was a season and just like the weather seasons pass.

      Thank you again this was so helpfull and reassuring.

    • profile image

      maegan 

      3 months ago

      me and my friend are still friends but she doesnt talk to me for one day and like we were talking just fine the day before do they not want to be my friend or does she want a break

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      4 months ago

      Hi Alannah,

      You make some valid points. A person should definitely make sure that he or she is being a good friend and that the friendship is mutually supportive. However, you mentioned that to this day, she probably "still doesn't know" why you cut her out of your life. It would be beneficial if you explained to her why you ended the friendship, so that she could hopefully learn from that and not repeat those mistakes in future friendships.

    • profile image

      Alannah 

      4 months ago

      I've been the one to cut a friendship off before and sometimes it really is the other person's fault. Sometimes frustration builds up over time or you realize that your "friend" isn't really a true friend or a healthy influence in your life. In my case the person talked behind my back constantly but was sweet to my face, she didn't know all the people she talked about me to were coming and telling me everything she said. Our entire friendship was basically her using me for emotional support for all the drama she created in her life, but being a crappy friend in return. It was constant negativity and she made everything about her, no matter the situation. It was exhausting. Then she acted shocked when I finally cut her out of my life, after years of tolerating her, and still to this day probably doesn't know why I did it. People like that are never capable of understanding that they are the problem. I do pray she matures and is able to change one day, but I also don't want her back in life, I will wish her well from afar.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      4 months ago

      Dear M,

      I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. It can be so difficult when a long-time friend chooses new friends rather than you, a person who has stood faithfully by their side for so long. I would definitely nurture other friendships and distance myself a bit from her, since she seems to be going through a phase of spending more time with this new group. Pray for her. If the friendship comes back around, then good, but it may never be the same as it once was. All you can do is be close with the people in your life who cherish that closeness and really appreciate you being in their lives. Best wishes and prayers going out to you!

    • profile image

      5 months ago

      I have a BFF whom I even consider a sister. We have great bonding and we usually communicated with each other every single day or catch up with her like 2-3x a week to meet her just to know I’m still there despite the career change I’m going thru. She manages her own company (under a family business) while I’m doing a start-up company on my own. Our friendship isn’t perfect it’s we have ups and downs, until one day. She was hanging with a group of new friends. It all started from there. I tried reaching out to her but she seems to be a completely different person, she would text me from time to time until she introduced me with her new friends. It didn’t really go well. As that day was intended to catch up on her as she said and I was surprised to know she had other plans. It hurt me. I wasn’t included and told me to change and adjusts because she had new friends. I was devasted with her actions. I talked to her after those days she seems still off though I poured my heart out of what I felt. She become a stranger asking me to have a schedule with her before meeting up or even to text her. I was completely shut off. I didn’t understand what is happening and it’s really bringing a lot of pain after 7years of friendship I felt like I was a gadget when a new thing comes out you dispose it. She knew me more than any of my friends and family could have known, I shared my soul with her and here I am feeling lonely and don’t know what to do because my best friend has become a stranger to me and it hurts me the most more than those foes, back stabbers and arguements with other friends or even family or even my those who broke my heart. The worst feeling I felt so far, more than those accumulated heartbreaks.

      Your arcticle helps me in grieving and I’m still processing what had just happened, she chose those 1 month new found friend over a 7year friendship. I’m not perfect but atleast I deserve an explaination rather that a Cold War of unknown.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      5 months ago

      Gabby,

      I'm so glad the light at the end of the tunnel seems closer now. There is definitely always hope! God is only a prayer away. Sounds cheesy, but it's true! Surround yourself with people who love you and pour into the ones who are thankful for your presence in their lives. God bless :)

    • profile image

      Gabby Ynostroza 

      5 months ago

      To whoever you are, thank you so very much for this beautiful post. I think I cried about 10 times while reading it lol..

      I lost my best friend just 6 months ago and it's been one of the hardest things I've had to endure. I've been having a really hard time letting go and accepting that she's no longer a part of my life. My depression has been swallowing me up since we fell off last year and I've never felt more lost and out of place.

      I really needed this. Your post gave me some hope and the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't seem so far away anymore.

      Thank you again and god bless(:

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      5 months ago

      Tia,

      You're welcome. So glad to hear you're growing in Christ. Leaning on Him is so important, especially when going through something as painful as a friend cutting you off. Blessings as you navigate this time and may God give you comfort and peace, as only He knows how!

    • profile image

      Tia 

      5 months ago

      Thank you so much for sharing, this help me greatly. I'm on a journey of continuous growth with Christ.Ive been going through this.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      5 months ago

      Confused,

      The response of your talent agent/friend does seem very confusing. Sometimes it's really hard (or impossible) for us to understand someone's rationale in a certain situation. It does seem like there might be some jealousy on her part. I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope things will get better with this friendship soon. Blessings. Praying for you on this!

    • profile image

      Confused 

      5 months ago

      One of my good friends is also my talent agent. Her best friend is her Photographer and partner for the agency that she’s invited me multiple times to hang out with her partner and other business associates and friends. I’ve done a lot of favors for video recording and editing when she’s needed it, no regrets, just information.

      Her partner and I (he’s gay and married by the way) Get along fabulously, he is truly an incredible person. Last night I stop by the agency, my agent and her two assistants (one is her daughter) were there and invited me to go to dinner with them along with the partner . I went to long, though I was on my way to a basketball game to see a guy that I’m dating play, and had an extra ticket because my son did not want to go. Since my agent had her daughter with her I invited her partner in the moment and after dinner we went to the game .

      Now today my agent that she no longer wants to be friends because she needs to compartmentalize , but then changed her story to say that we could be friends but she didn’t want me being friends with anyone that she knows because it’s getting too close to her personal life .... even though she has invited me to spend time with them repeatedly including inviting me to his birthday party.

      I’m heartbroken . Dinner even remarked that for once in my life I feel like I had a group of people around me that while some friendships are new and others are more established that they were people who liked me for me and were supportive and encouraging .

      This does not fall under the category of poaching friends because in no way have we left her out or exclude, in fact before she sent me this text today I had seen her and offered to buy tickets to our sons baseball banquet (played for same team) in part because she is my friend and I did only have one ticket basketball team game and thought it rude to invite her while she had her daughter with her and would not be able to go

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      6 months ago

      Barbara Sue,

      Really sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine being friends with someone that long and then having a falling out. I thought 10 years was a long time! 40 years, now that's a long friendship. Hang in there, it sounds like your friend may be having a crisis of sorts about turning 60. Maybe she's just feeling introspective and depressed right now in this difficult time. She may be just turning inward and away from her friendships for whatever reason. Praying for you, that your friendship may be restored at the right time if it's the Lord's will. I guess it just goes to show, no matter our age we can still go through the same types of trials and tribulations.... your positive outlook and trust in God will get you through. ((Hugs))

    • profile image

      BarbaraSue 

      6 months ago

      Excellent and thought-provoking article; thank you, Nicole K.Granath:

      A 40 year friendship with my best female friend (who had turned 60 and was quite upset about it) and not a word about what happened...just discontinued all communication with me and I am heartbroken. I've sent her texts and phone calls, nothing back. Maybe I'll mail a card after some more time goes by....just in case she's amicable.

      Meanwhile, such a usually solid and happy 'me' is now in an awful funk...this is a divorce of sorts.

      I'll get throught it, thank you again for this inspiring article.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      6 months ago

      Mari,

      I'm so glad you were able to glean some fresh perspective and new ideas from what I've shared. God deserves all the glory. Continue to pray as long as you feel burdened and the Lord will be with you. He is always working, even if we are unaware of it at the time. God bless you!

      Aaron,

      It is so easy to put our friends on pedestals sometimes, isn't it? That's why it's so important to make Jesus #1 like you were saying, so that we are not tempted to put our friends or anyone else in the place of God in our lives. Keep praying, but give your friend his space for now. The ball is in his court to respond. Get plugged in at church as much as you can and remember to nurture other friendships. Praying for you.

    • profile image

      Aaron 

      6 months ago

      Hey Nicole, thanks for sharing your story and how you overcame those six months of losing your friend of 10 years and what you did to overcome it.

      My situation is like Irina, i had a best friend and “only true friend” of three years. He was a big brother to me...and I kinda feel like he still is. Over these three years, he gave me gifts, comforted me when I was really down. He talked to me on a daily basis and well...i made the mistake of putting him on a pedestal.

      Three weeks ago, my paranoia got so extreme and he couldn’t take it. He blocked me in all form of social media and refused to talk to me no matter how many times i tried to contact him.

      While it was the worst day of my life, I finally overcame those years of hatred and anger because I cared about him that much so if I’m going to forgive him, god thought me to forgive others who have wronged me

      Afterwards, I tried searching some of his other friends and spouse for help but they either said they do not wish to get involved or just flatly blocked me as well.

      The only saving grace was that so far, with prayer, he did not block me as of yet with my third account i had to use to contact him. I don’t even know if he read my messages but I guess even if he doesn’t read them- The lord and god are reading them and understand how i feel.

      I am praying and confessing to god that this relationship will be restored one day and that god will give me double for every unfair situation that has been placed on me.

      I learned to make jesus christ number 1 best friend for my troubles...but i still want my friend back. He gave me comfort and prayed for me when I was tormented even when he was down himself....

      The only thing i can do for him and myself now is pray. I want him to see the lord more and make Jesus a priority in his life and I want our new relationship to glorify christ from now on. Most importantly, I want their entire family to receive salvation in christ.

      It is still painful though...when i am reminded of him. I have to let go of him and surrender him to god until the day we speak again...but it feels so weird and strange everyday without him.

      The only thing i did these past few weeks was mainly listening to christian sermons by pastor prince and Joel Osteen, reading the bible and searching up stuff on this issue XD

    • profile image

      Mari 

      6 months ago

      Thank you so much for sharing your experience it has opened me to new perspectives and has given me some good ideas I had not yet considered. I searched online because I feel a great sense of loss for my friend and your words helped me more than you can imagine. Thank you!

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      6 months ago

      Irina,

      I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing with the loss of your friend. It is really so tough, especially when you don't have a lot of other close friends or family. Do you attend church? Or can you join any classes in your community, like a painting or ceramics class, or a Zumba class at the gym, something of that nature? I really recommend joining something where you can get out in your community and meet new friends. It sounds like that could really help you to take your mind off things and meet new people! Maybe join a new bible study at church also and expand your social circle. Praying for you to find healing and some new friendships that will be a big blessing to you! The Lord bless and encourage you through the power of His Holy Spirit!

    • profile image

      Irina 

      6 months ago

      Thank you for the article. It does help me and reminds me to stay focused on God. My only friend of 10 years, who had become like family to me, since I have no family or other friends. I've made mistake putting her on pedestal and making her the only person, especially since my husband is a truck driver who is gone 11 days at a time (last 12 years). So yes, she was everything to me. I can't look at things she gave me as a gift.... it's been 6 months, but all these months I was trying to contact her and now it hit me!

      It's over.

      Praying I overcome it quickly.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      7 months ago

      Tandee,

      First off, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friends. It sounds like it was very sudden and there was not much communication on their part about why they were so offended (or chance for you to be heard when you apologized).

      I think it's wonderful that you're going to church again and that you found the latest sermon to be applicable to your situation and found some comfort in that. As for prayers for patience, there is not one specific prayer you need to pray. Just use your own words when you pray, and talk to God like a friend. God calls us His children, but He also calls us His friends. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Romans 8:25 says that if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. So pray, cast your anxiety on God, and wait patiently for things to be resolved. Also remember Romans 8:28, "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose." I know it might seem like no good can come from this, but keep trusting in the Lord and know that He knows the future and knows the good plans He has for you. Lifting you up in prayer as well :)

    • profile image

      Tandee 

      7 months ago

      I recently had a friend block me from all media after I made a joke she considered inappropriate. I tried to contact her immediately from a different account, but the email was emotionally charged and inadvertantly sounded more like "poor me" than "you're right, I'm sorry." Long story short, now her husband is helping her carry her grudge and I have no idea how to communicate any ideas to them.

      I've known her for 15 years, and him for 20, now they won't respond to anything. I've waited a week and tried a final time to reach out but I don't know if they even read my message.

      I've started going to church again recently and the message at the last service really seemed to be relavant, and really helped. I was wondering if I could do anything else, and if you had a good prayer for patience? I can't seem to find the right words.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      7 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Thank you for sharing your story Nicole. God is truly our very best friend and is always with us. In other words He "has our back".

      Your hub will be helpful to many people. Blessings to you and yours.

      Audrey

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      10 months ago

      Jay,

      Friendship is a two-way street, so both parties do need to make some effort to care about one another. Communicating how you're feeling would be a good step, but if that doesn't work, it makes sense not to continue being friends with someone who is not interested in showing concern for you as well (not just only their own interests).

      God bless

    • profile image

      Jay 

      10 months ago

      I cut off contact with someone I cared deeply about. Whenever I told her what was troubling me, she never really cared or responded.

      One day I cut off contact.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      10 months ago

      Anonymous,

      I see what you're saying about your friend. I can understand how you might feel like your relationship with her was making you stressed out if your whole friendship was mostly about her telling you her problems constantly, etc. At the same time, maybe communicating that to her would have been a good option as well. You mentioned that everyone in your life said you should cut her off, but you didn't mention whether or not you told her that the way she treated you as her "therapist" (as you put it) was stressful for you. Maybe she was just going through a hard time and needed some additional support? But if you had explained that it was causing you stress, instead of telling her you wanted to cut off contact, might she have possibly understood that? It also sounds like you were still upset about the time that she cut you off for a period of time beforehand, and that your feelings about that were never really discussed. I think a lot of our problems in relationships stem from lack of proper communication. If someone's friendship is valuable enough to the other person, then it's worth communicating about any issues and resolving them, rather than throwing the whole friendship out the window. However, if you do communicate the issues and the person is still unwilling to see your perspective or work on their negative behaviors, at that point it might be necessary to take more drastic measures. Just my thoughts on the topic. And of course, there are two sides to every story just like you stated. Also, sometimes friendships tend to come back around when both people are at different stages in life, and possibly both at a healthier place.

      Vicky,

      I'm so sorry to hear you've been in this situation for the past three years. I'm sure that has been stressful for you. I hope this hub has been of some encouragement and comfort as you deal with this issue in your life.

    • profile image

      Vicky 

      10 months ago

      I have been in this situation for almost three years..

    • profile image

      Anon 

      10 months ago

      I'm the one who cut off my best friend from my life. There's always two sides to the story though. The reason I cut her off was because 1, I was advised by pretty much everyone to do so - and 2, because she was mean and hurtful to me in her response to my note for her.

      Basically, I wanted to have some space from her because I wanted to know if she was the one really causing me stress and anxiety in my life. I didn't say this however because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I said I was going through a hard time in my life and that for just a little while to not have contact. I wished her well and everything. I didn't want to end the friendship - which is the important part of the story. Then, her response was 'If that's how you feel then I'm done with you'. (from what I remember as I deleted her messages).

      So to me and close people in my life said that she wasn't worth keeping in my life if she couldn't have sympathy and understanding. She put it onto me that I was the selfish one and that she didn't understand why I'd do that to her when she was going through a really hard time in her life too. I was hurt by her response because she essentially meant that she wouldn't want to continue the friendship if I wanted a pause. I was made out to be the horrible cruel one when in fact that wasn't the case. She lashed out, and in effect was horrible to me. She consequently sent me 2 other messages which I didn't respond to because I didn't know how to handle it - I didn't know why she'd be so harsh and everything. People around me told me to block her on everything. I did - and although I felt bad, it felt necessary. She even got a friend to message me to blame me for hurting her etc... I never felt so attacked before. I didn't want to take behavior like that from her, or from anyone.

      That's why I cut her out, because she showed that she really didn't care about me. I could no longer be her therapist, as essentially that was what I was most of the time. I am no saint of course, but I don't see myself as being completely wrong in my case. I just couldn't deal with her pity party. There was a time when she cut me off from her life, and I was hurt bad by that. I took her back, and although I don't regret that, in hindsight I should have not.

      To conclude, in some cases it's not out of spite and malice. It's just how some people deal with certain situations. The other person can't blame the one who cut contact if they were the one to initiate the reaction in the first place.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 

      10 months ago

      This helped me so much. I was recently cut off abruptly by someone who I considered as a good friend. Surprisingly, the last conversation that we had prior to the breakup ended on a happy note. I looked forward to creating many more memories with her, but the feeling wasn't mutual. It hurt for a while, but I think I'm finally starting to heal. I had to remember that some people aren't meant to be in my life forever. Instead of being angry with her, I'm appreciative that she finally showed me her true colors. I'll miss her dearly, but I must move on and focus on those who will cherish me and my friendship. Thank you for sharing this!

    • profile image

      Tabby 

      10 months ago

      Reading your story brought tears in my eyes because my friend did exactly the same like yours. I was surprised too someone went through same pain and hurt I am going through these days. But your experience gave me hope and a direction how to cope and stay positive. Thank you so much. God Bless

    • profile image

      Anon 

      11 months ago

      Thank you for sharing this. I've recently lost my best friend after realising I may have been in love with him and telling him. We decided on some time apart but after reaching out after some time he's refused to get in touch. We've gone from texting or calling every day to zero contact. It's been 3 months and I'm completely devastated. He's alluded to certain issues so I know there's stuff about him I don't know and I have to assume that these have played a part in the current situation. The situation has hurt me so deeply that I'm considering getting professional help to help me to deal with the whole thing. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before so I'm not sure how to deal with it all. I'm not religious at all but your article has really helped. I know he values my friendship and despite the current horrible situation, I'm confident that one day we'll be ok.

    • profile image

      noctis 

      11 months ago

      Thanks so much for this... I lost a friend recently..her birthday was coming up that time and I wanted to give her some cookies I baked. I've made a mistake of going to her house area without her agreeing to it...and she told me that she didn't want to communicate with me anymore. she blocked me at first without letting me explain and after a while, she proceeded to unfriend me on all social media...it breaks my heart but I'm now praying for her. I miss her... I need to keep my faith strong to the lord.

    • profile image

      Patricia A. Thompson 

      11 months ago

      Thank you for sharing your experience. I, too, just recently experienced the sudden loss of a friendship and, in reading an article on The Power of Forgiving, I saw that I had to let go of the anger and forgive this person. It's hard to accept when all communication has been cut off.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 

      13 months ago from Sunny Spain

      I think you handled this in the best way possible, I agree with you and believe that forgiveness is always a good way to heal hurts like this. I also agree that praying for the person who hurts you is the right response too. Praying for someone helps you to grow and increase the love and compassion you feel not only for that person but for all your other relationships too. Anyone would be blessed to have a friend like you :D

    • profile image

      Sue 

      14 months ago

      My male bestfriend for 3 years suddenly cut me off. One day I have had some problems and he was there for me. Next week I called to congratulate him for a prize he won and we made some plans for the weekend. 2 weeks and he didn't reply thought he has seen the message. A couple of days later I ran into him and he completely ignores me and doesn't even look at me. A couple of days later his uncle died I called to give my condolences he said thank you and we started texting them suddenly he stopped answering in the middle of the conversation. A week later I was having my birthday party I texted him to invite him ge replied that he sure is coming. I feel so sad he was my only friend and we used to talk a lot. I feel that I have no respect for myself because I invited him after what he has done.

    • profile image

      Claire 

      15 months ago

      Thank you so much. I pray to the lord that this works well with me .

      Blessed be the name of the lord.

    • profile image

      Jing 

      19 months ago

      Your godly approach with the situation compare to all the blogs I have read is what makes it a blessing to me. Just want you to know I am thankful to have read your hub and it helps me a lot starting to accept the situation whatever may be the reason behind (of course by the grace of God) and move on. I am not expecting the wound to be healed that fast especially we see each other almost everyday but i believe I'll get over this. God bless too

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      20 months ago

      Hi Jing,

      I'm really glad my hub is a blessing to you. So sorry you're going through such a hard time, though. I'll be praying for you today, that God will comfort you during this tough time and that your friendship might be rekindled soon, if if it's God's will. Perhaps this is just a season. God bless you and give you encouragement in Him today!

    • profile image

      Jing 

      20 months ago

      Im blessed by your hub.

      Im also in the same situation at the moment. Im grieving so much. The bad thing about my situation is that we are in the same church and in almost all ministries. We see each other almost every night in the ministry. All the brethren knew how close we are and that if there is anyone inside the church who knew all her well and her whereabouts, it's me.

      Im having a hard time at the moment praying and convincing my self im not loosing her yet since its just a couple of months since she started brushing me off. But really, they way she treats me now, it hurts so much.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      21 months ago

      "Me too" -That's hurtful to just be a "back burner" type of friend. I don't blame you for wanting to feel like the other person genuinely wants to spend time with you and values your friendship just as much as all their other friends.

      "love dog" - Wow, you have such a positive attitude! Keep that up. Sounds like you'll be just fine, like you said.

      "prat"-Sounds like you should keep the ball in her court and if she wants to spend time with you, she will make the effort. Maybe moving has been a big adjustment and she needs time to realize she misses you. If not, sounds like it might be time to move on.

    • profile image

      Me too 

      22 months ago

      I had two friends who treated me like an option and didn't help me at a time when they could and my dog could of died. Long story short... I had to let go cause I was not be respected. I was an optional friend. Friend of convenience when they were bored... Their real friends got invited on the weekends, dinners, I was a fill in.

    • profile image

      prat 

      23 months ago

      imet a very nice gal when i moved to this new country i stayed with her family for 15 days we had similar likings too. later i moved to my new place and i helped her with many many things and i visited her home like twice a month. she was struggling for job and i took her to my office party so that she can make some contacts.

      she then suddenly stopped and nevr since invited me to her home so i moved a place far from her place too as it was hurting me . and even from start she never wanted me to be involved me in their big social circle and outings even if her husband said i can go with them as they have really big circle. and strange thing is she keeps talking to me one on one on phone. her kids used to love too. i dont understand this and it hurts me. i feel like i shold just stop talking then i feel she was good to me when i came but me too helped her in many many was afterwards. i dont know what should i do. but this is too much now. i asked her once before moving to far place whats the issue and she is like its nothing. she will talk about her coming to my place but never asks me to visit her. pls suggest.

    • profile image

      love dog 

      24 months ago

      I had a friend that I just talk to on the phone pretty often. She had made a comment to me that sort of hurts my feelings. I lashed back at her with a comment . More or less told her about it.. Now she does not want anything to do with me. She more or less, cut me off. We weren't close friends, we just talked on the phone. It still hurts, but I will be fine !!

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 years ago

      Robin, it sounds like your situation has left you with mixed feelings. However, if your friend really was emotionally abusive, then maybe it was for the best. Keep praying for healing. God is hearing you!

      Saz, yes I think this sadly happens to a lot more people than we know, because people don't always talk about it. Hang in there. Maybe someday the friendship will come back around. In the meantime, when you choose to forgive, it is an act of the will. The feelings follow later. Most importantly, pray for a forgiving heart and to love the friend who hurt you.

      Praying for you both.

    • profile image

      Saz 

      2 years ago

      Thank you for making me feel that I'm not the only one this has happened to.

      Sadly I am still grieving the loss of my so called best friend of 20 + years .

      I am hopeful that one day I will be able to forgive and forget, just not yet

    • profile image

      Robin 

      2 years ago

      This just happened to me. I have been patient with an emotionally abusive friend (I tolerated since I knew she has a mental disorder she refuses to face). Out of the blue, she asked that I not contact her. I feel that I've been there for her and it hurts. At this time I am praying for healing and giving her the respect to honor her wishes. It was one sided and I thought I was helping. Life goes on...... Yes I have other friends but this hurts.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 years ago

      You're very welcome, "Unfriended". I'm sorry you have experienced this as well, but glad my story helped you in some way. Blessings to you.

    • profile image

      Unfriended 

      2 years ago

      I just wanted to say thank you for sharing you story. It is helping me cope.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      2 years ago

      Yes, it is very hard when a friend says they do not want to be contacted anymore. In my experience, it's best to respect their wishes. He/she will contact you again if that person is ever ready. Pray in the meantime and give the situation to the Lord, as that is really all you can do (and the most powerful thing you can do, if you think about it!) If that friendship is meant to be, it will come back around in the right timing :) Have faith! :)

    • profile image

      Cafesito* 

      2 years ago

      Thank you for sharing, it has really blessed me. My good friend is no longer in my life and I did nothing to hurt her in any way. She simply moved on. ???

    • Scotty Cujo profile image

      Nikki 

      2 years ago from Worcester, MA

      Great article , this is very similar to what happened with my friend of 25 years , just stopped talking and texting for no apparent reason and I never got an explanation as to why. I agree with you on people having issues in their life that they just don't tell their closest friend about , I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been shunned by a longtime friend and happy you've had some contact with your friend.

    • chaitanyasaivb profile image

      Sai Chaitanya 

      3 years ago from INDIA

      I know the pain, how a person will suffer, if their friend cuts off suddenly. Because, I have lost my friends. Even, I have suffered the same pain at that time. Still today, I was unable to forget all those things. I may have forgiven my friends, for their mistakes, But, I cannot forget those mistakes.

    • profile image

      Sad for my freind 

      4 years ago

      I have recently gone through the same thing. My freind blamed me for a horrible ending to an evening out. We semi reparied things to the point of being civil. We saw each other out, and she introduced me to someone. I made idle chit chat with the person I was introduced to. My freind later lashed out at me and told me that I'd had no right ot be chatting with the woman. I've no idea what I did wrong when we went to dinner, and I've no idea what I did wrong when I spoke to the woman she introduced me to. I am very sad that our friendship is broken, and I would like to repair it, but I also don't want to be her doormat or allow her to continue to blame others for her mistakes. I think her lashing out at me is a sign tht she is hurting. She has told me that she needs to work through some things. I just want her to know that I forgive her, and that I really do love her. I want her to know that I will always care for her and that I will always have an open door. She has been hurt in the past, and I have never hurt or decived her intentionally. She has told me to not contact her. I am doing my best to stay away, but it is hard as I really miss my friend. I want to convey to her that my friendship is unconditional. How will I be able to tell if she would ever be receptive to hearing from me?

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      4 years ago

      Searchinsany, thanks for your comment as well and I'm so blessed by what you said. That verse is very fitting as well. Thanks for voting up :)

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      4 years ago

      Yes, it definitely provided some catharsis to write about it. That saying does seem to apply in this case. You never know until you have walked a mile in someone's shoes, I guess. Thanks for commenting, Allyson!

    • Allyson Cardis profile image

      Allyson Cardis 

      4 years ago from Gloucestershire, England

      This story definitely brings to mind the saying about everyone fighting some kind of battle that you don't know about, but what a horrible thing to go through. I hope writing about it helped.

    • searchinsany profile image

      Alexander Gibb 

      4 years ago from UK

      This is a well written Hub, but more importantly you share a very personal experience that many can relate to and find comfort. I can empathise with a great deal of what you have written.

      You tenderly lead your reader to the friend who sticks closer than a brother, and we can cast all our cares confidently on Him.

      Voted up.

    • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 

      4 years ago

      Thank you so much ologsinquito and Faith Reaper! Yes, it is painful when it happens, but it does bring peace when we surrender everything to the Lord, just like you were saying Faith Reaper! His ways are higher than ours! I hope this hub encourages anyone struggling with this; I felt inspired to write it, in case anyone out there is hurting and they find this article. Thanks for reading and thank you for the encouraging comments. God bless you both.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      4 years ago from southern USA

      Oh, this is such a painful thing to have to endure no doubt! You are a very wise person and I do hope one day your friendship is once again, but in the meantime, you are doing the right thing by praying for her. Prayer is the best answer to all problems or life's issues that may arise. We have all been hurt by someone no doubt, and praying for them does help you and her. I know it gives me peace when I turn it all over to the Lord.

      Up and more and sharing

      God bless,

      Faith Reaper

    • ologsinquito profile image

      ologsinquito 

      4 years ago from USA

      This is very painful when it happens. However, if someone drops you after 10+ years of friendship, without an explanation, then they likely have some issues you were not aware of. You are doing the right thing praying for her, as she desperately needs the prayers. God will then send the right people into your life.

      Someone I was close to also did the same thing to me, and I realize she has a character disorder I cannot fix. Also, my life is much more peaceful without her.

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