How to Cope When a Friend Cuts You Off

Updated on January 8, 2019
kiddiecreations profile image

I speak from personal experience when I say that when a close friend suddenly cuts you out of her life, it can be devastating.

I've gone through the heartache of having a dear friend suddenly disappear from my life. The experience is devastating... but you WILL survive.
I've gone through the heartache of having a dear friend suddenly disappear from my life. The experience is devastating... but you WILL survive.

When a Friend Shuts You Out, It Really Hurts

I speak from personal experience when I say that when a friend suddenly cuts you out of her life, it can be devastating.

I've gone through this heartache myself, and I will share what I've learned about how to cope.

I happen to be a person of faith—and for me, prayer and forgiveness were key to helping me find a way to move on with my life.

It happens without warning and it hits you with devastating force…. The experience can be as painful as the death of a loved one, and just as confusing as an unexpected breakup with a significant other.

— Liz Pryor, author of "What Did I Do Wrong?"

Friend Breakup: Journey to Acceptance

 
 
Stage 1: Shock and Denial
Your friend suddenly cuts you out of her life, and you have no idea why. You feel deeply confused and upset.
Stage 2: Loss
You feel a terrible sense of pain and loss. You may obsessively replay memories of the times you enjoyed together, and you may experience physical symptoms of heartache.
Stage 3: Self-Blame
You wonder what role you might have played in the ending of the friendship. Is it something you did? Could you have been a better friend?
Stage 4: Embarrassment and Shame
You begin to worry about what others might think. What does it say about you if you couldn't hold onto this person who was so dear to you? Will others think less of you?
Stage 5: Anger
You feel angry and indignant. You were always there when your friend needed you, and you worked hard to nurture the relationship. And now she tosses you aside?
Stage 6: Acceptance
You've been on an emotional roller coaster, but eventually you feel you can begin to let go. You realize it was better to have had the friend in your life, even if it was only for a season, than never to have had the friend at all. You may feel a sense of peace and forgiveness.
Stage 7: Relief
After coming to peace with the end of the friendship, you may be surprised to feel a sense of relief. You may realize that the friendship wasn't actually as perfect as you had once believed. You now have the opportunity to explore new friendships for a new season in your life.
Adapted from "Best Friends Forever," by Irene S. Levine, Ph.D.
When it comes to the loss of a platonic friendship, our language is at a loss for words.
When it comes to the loss of a platonic friendship, our language is at a loss for words.

Dumped? Jilted? Our Language Is at a Loss for Words

We have several different terms to describe the end of a romantic relationship: we might say that one partner got dumped or jilted, or at the very least we can say that the couple broke up. But when it comes to platonic friendships, our language seems to be at a loss for words. Until quite recently, we didn't really have any good terms to describe the abrupt ending of a friendship—even though the emotional trauma can be just as great as a romantic breakup.

Ghosting

One term that has emerged in recent years that begins to capture the pain of this trauma is "ghosting," which refers to the breaking off of a relationship by ceasing all communication or contact, typically without any explanation. This term often manifests in a sudden cessation of digital communication; e.g.,

  • Not responding to your text messages
  • Not liking or commenting on your social media posts (despite, perhaps, liking or commenting on other people's posts)
  • Unfriending or blocking you on Facebook

When a close friend suddenly ghosts you, it's like they've disappeared from the face of the earth... and yet in some cases the pain may be amplified if you can see them being active on social media. In these instances, it's woefully clear: It's not that they've suddenly taken very ill or have become extremely busy at work. It's that they no longer want to communicate with you.

I learned, as I interviewed over eighty girls and women (ages 9 to 97) for a book about friendship, that cutoffs are a common calamity. And so is ghosting.

— Deborah Tannen, author of You're the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women's Friendships

Abandoned: Allow Yourself to Grieve

Losing a close friend is kind of like the breakup of a romantic relationship, or it might even be comparable to a death. You have lost someone who is extremely dear to you. This is a person who you used to be very close to—and now suddenly they are no longer there.

It hurts. Really bad.

Understand that grieving is an entirely natural and appropriate response to this painful situation. Allow yourself the time you need to grieve the loss of your friend. You have many good memories of this person that may go back for years, and it hurts to remember all the special times the two of you shared.

It’s natural to feel a sense of grief, loss, and pain when someone who was important in your life suddenly disappears. You are going to need time to heal, but be assured, you will, despite the challenges.

— Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., author of "Best Friends Forever"
Grieving is an entirely natural and appropriate response to losing a close friendship.
Grieving is an entirely natural and appropriate response to losing a close friendship.

Grieve... But Do Not Despair

Don't lose hope. Your friend may not be speaking to you right now, but that doesn't mean the friendship will never, ever be rekindled in the future. It's important to keep these things in mind:

  • Try to accept that, at least for now, your friendship with this person is on hold, for whatever reason.
  • Someday, it is possible that your friendship could very well be restored.
  • As painful as it may be, try to remember also that you gained some valuable lessons from this friendship. It was a blessing to have this person in your life, even if it was only for a season.
  • Broken friendships happen to everyone. It's a normal part of life.
  • The more important this person was to you, the longer it will take you to heal.

Additional Faith-Based Advice:

  • Even though it hurts you very deeply, and even though you have to go through a grieving process, remember that all things are possible with God

  • Have hope and faith. Put it in the Lord's hands as to whether you become friends again in the future.

Remember, It Probably Isn't Your Fault

When my best friend of 10+ years suddenly shut me out, I was heartbroken. We had known each other since high school, and I had always looked up to her. Now, all of a sudden, she had cut me out of her life—without any explanation whatsoever.

Unfriended on Facebook. No response to my calls and texts. She was simply... gone.

It hurt. I cried and grieved. I wondered, "What did I do wrong? Did I somehow cause this?"

Through this experience, however, I've come to learn that even a best friend can have issues or struggles that you may not be aware of.

Chances are, if this person is cutting you off out of the blue, after years of being friends, then there is a deeper problem that you don't know about. So don't blame yourself.

As difficult as it is to stop wracking your brain, trying to figure out what you could have done differently to prevent the dissolution of the friendship, you must accept that this is the current reality. Most likely, there's nothing you did to cause it. There is probably something going on with your friend, and you have nothing to do with it at all. Don't punish yourself.

Overanalyzing the situation becomes an exercise in futility because you only know one side of the story: yours, not hers.

— Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., author of "Best Friends Forever"

The Myth of "Best Friends Forever"

Some of our grief and despair may come from the myth we were sold when we were young: that we are supposed to have a BFF, or best friend forever. However, it is simply not true that we must hold onto our closest friends forever—and that if we don't, we've somehow failed. The reality is that people grow and change over time, and that friendships must evolve, too. Sometimes, that means that someone who was very dear to you during one stage of your life may drift away or not be as close during another stage of your life. This doesn't necessarily mean that either one of you has failed, or that either one of you is a bad person.

After a few weeks without hearing from my friend, I decided to reach out one more time.
After a few weeks without hearing from my friend, I decided to reach out one more time.

Reach Out One More Time, Then Let It Go

If you have tried to reach out to your friend multiple times without getting a response, it may be time to accept it and move on. But maybe you could reach out just one more time.

When my best friend announced that she could no longer speak to me after 10+ years of friendship, I tried calling her and texting her right away, with no response. I left her a voicemail, but she didn't respond. I saw that she had unfriended me on Facebook, which really hurt. I emailed her, but she never replied.

I let some time pass, for both of our sakes. After a few weeks without speaking, I decided to reach out to her one more time. I sent a hand-written card, explaining how much her friendship meant to me and how hurt I felt now. I told her I would always wish the best for her and her family.

I did not hear anything back.

Pray for Your Friend

If you are a person of faith, I strongly suggest praying for your friend. I know it sounds crazy. This person—close friend, confidante, and ally—has hurt you deeply and profoundly. So it does seem counterintuitive to pray for them. But try it. Pray God will bless this person and help them overcome whatever trial or hardship is going on in their life at this moment.

Pray for healing for your friend, and pray for the restoration of the friendship, if it is God's will. As long as you are burdened by the broken friendship, continue to pray about it, giving it over to the Lord. Pray that the person will make contact with you and restore the relationship, if possible. But most of all, pray for the person to be healed, comforted, encouraged, blessed, and be made right with the Lord.

Forgiveness can be understood religiously or psychologically. Either way, it's a powerful and universal concept.
Forgiveness can be understood religiously or psychologically. Either way, it's a powerful and universal concept.

Forgive Your Friend

Forgiveness is a concept that transcends religious orientation. If you are a person of faith, you can think about forgiveness in terms of God's commandments. On the other hand, if you are not religiously inclined, you can understand forgiveness as a powerful psychological and emotional release.

For me, forgiveness goes along with prayer, because as you pray for your friend, your heart will become softer and more open to forgiving. As difficult as it is to forgive this person who hurt you so much, it is necessary. Not only does God command us to forgive others as He has forgiven us, but it also releases the forgiver from the bondage of holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness, which can be debilitating if it isn't addressed.

So, forgive your friend—even if you don't believe they deserve it—because God calls us to do so. Forgive your friend because you will destroy yourself if you hold onto bitterness in your heart.

Nurture Other Friendships

It can be very difficult to accept that your friendship has ended. This friend held a very special place in your life, and now you are probably at a loss as to who to hang out with, who to call when you need a shoulder to cry on, and so on. Perhaps you do have other friends, but no one compares in your heart or mind to the person you've lost.

I know the feeling. When my friend cut me out of her life, it wasn't as though I didn't have other friends. I actually had a nice group of friends from college that I was really close to, and I wasn't even living in the same area anymore as my old high school friend (the one who had shut me out). I would visit her every few months when I came home to see my brothers and my parents, and we would always have great talks and good times together. I'd call her on the phone (or she would call me) at least once a week to catch up. I considered her one of my best, oldest, and dearest friends, so it came as quite a shock to suddenly be cut out of her life.

Understanding the Seasonality of Friendship

Something I came to learn through this experience, however, is that friendships often exist in our lives for a certain season of time. Sure, there may be some friends you can meet after not seeing for several years, and it will feel like barely a day has passed since the last time you met. But I believe that some friends are in our lives only for a season, and that's also okay. Through this, I learned to nurture my other friendships, and I became much closer with the friends who live close by. I've realized that at this stage of my life, I have more in common with this newer group of friends, anyway.

After working through my heartache and grief, I learned to nurture new friendships.
After working through my heartache and grief, I learned to nurture new friendships. | Source

Easy Ways to Nurture New Friendships (Or Deepen Old Ones)

You might feel like you're out of practice developing new friendships, or perhaps you're worried about appearing too needy. Keep in mind, however, that everyone needs friends in their lives. More often than not, the people you begin to reach out to will feel flattered and happy that you want to get to know them better.

Here are some easy ways to get started:

  • Text: Send a quick text just to say hi and ask how they are doing.
  • Make plans: Suggest going out to lunch, the movies, the gym to work out together, or the park for a walk. The possibilities are endless. Think about activities that you and this person might enjoy doing together.
  • Phone: Call someone on the phone just to chat.
  • Gifts: Buy a small gift to let them know you care.
  • Snail mail: Go old school! Write a note or postcard to let them know you are thinking of them.
  • Be a good listener: When it comes to friendships (or any kind of relationship), being a good listener always goes a long way. People have a fundamental need to be heard and understood, and they will always seek friends who really listen.

Find solace in knowing that you’re not alone and that millions have experienced this pain. As painful and disappointing as these breakups are, they make us wiser and make our friendships much stronger and more resilient.

— Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., author of "Best Friends Forever"

An Unexpected Reconciliation: My Story

After about six months of not hearing from the friend who had cut me out of her life, I had pretty much given up on ever hearing from her again. I prayed a lot during this period of time, continually surrendering the situation to the Lord.

However, one day, completely out of the blue, she contacted me. She emailed to say that she had received my card in the mail, the one I'd sent all those months earlier. She said she had been busy—and that the real reason she had not contacted me in so long was because of some issues in her life that she had never told me about in all the years we had been friends. These issues were deep-seated and genuinely had nothing to do with me.

I was totally shocked that in all our years of friendship, she had never shared any of this with me. She said that due to these issues (which I won't divulge here for sake of privacy), we could be in contact going forward but that our friendship would most likely never be the same. She told me that she planned to seek professional help for her problems.

Since then, we have emailed back and forth a few times, but things are not like they used to be. I've learned not to put people onto pedestals, as we are all human beings and we all have certain struggles and trials in our lives that we must deal with. I have moved on, and I continue to nurture the friendships that are most dear and treasured in my life right now. While I forgive my friend and wish her well, I no longer look to that friendship to provide the fulfillment in my life that it once did.

Ultimately, we must look to God above anyone else in our lives, and we must realize that God will be a closer friend to us than any person on this earth. Someday, perhaps my friendship with this individual will be restored to what it once was, but I leave that in God's hands, to do what He pleases, according to His will.

I hope that sharing my story and advice helps anyone who is hurting over a broken friendship. Blessings to you!

Further Reading

Cosslett, Rhiannon Lucy. (2018, April 21). "It Feels Like Having a Limb Cut Off": The Pain of Friendship Breakups. The Guardian. Retrieved December 22, 2018.

Holloway, Sadie. (2016, December 5). Coping With Disappointment When a Friendship Ends. PairedLife. Retrieved December 22, 2018.

Levine, Irene S., Ph.D. (2009). Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend. New York: Overlook Press.

Pryor, Liz. (2006). What Did I Do Wrong? When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship Is Over. New York: Free Press.

Safer, Jeanne. (2016, March 8). What Happens When a Friend Cuts You Out of Their Life? Psychology Today. Retrieved December 22, 2018.

Tannen, Deborah. (2017, May 16). Why Friends Ghost On Even Their Closest Pals. Time. Retrieved December 22, 2018.

Questions & Answers

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      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        5 days ago

        Orlaghmccavana,

        You said your friends 1) Keep making fun of you, 2) Leave you behind, and 3) Never let you join. Those three things do not sound like things friends should do to each other at all! It sounds like you need to confront these so-called friends and find out if they are ready to start treating you with respect and kindness. If they continue this behavior, it's time to find some healthier friendships !

      • profile image

        Orlaghmccavana 

        5 weeks ago

        What should I do if my friends keeps making fun of me and leaving me behind or never lets me join

      • profile image

        Lauren 

        7 weeks ago

        Yes and the best part is Dominic isn't acting so weird I've learned that I don't really need the kind of friendship he was giving me I'm actually not in contact with him at all I've totally cut contact altogether there's no contact I'm much happier that way because now I don't know of anything that's going on in his life anymore I don't really need to know because I'm done with him Roger doesn't text me much but when he does the friendship doesn't feel casual at all which is good because I simply have no time for that kind of friendship

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        7 weeks ago

        Court,

        Thanks for visiting this page and expressing your thoughts. After being best friends for 10 years, my friend cut me out of her life. Yes, she did actually suddenly dump me. That's exactly what happened. Cutting someone off is different than just "moving in other directions". Not taking calls or texts, and refusing to be friends on social media with someone after you were best friends for over ten years is more than just drifting apart. I do agree that our friendships grow and change as we age and walk through various seasons of life. But I don't believe cutting someone off who was once so close is right or healthy. I now know she was going through a lot and that there were reasons behind her actions that had nothing to do with me. I forgive her and I wish the best for her and pray for her happiness in life. But do I think going around cutting people out of your life is a healthy practice? No, I don't. Now, if two people mutually drift apart and transition into different seasons of life, that's another scenario. God bless.

      • profile image

        Court 

        7 weeks ago

        Your friend did not likely suddenly "dump" you. He/she was moving in other directions long before; you did not "see" it because you did not want to. Also moving on in other directions does not mean the person has outgrown you or hates you. The person has just moved in different directions. Once can not tread water for life in one place/space IF she/ he is healthy.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        2 months ago

        Mlssufan01,

        You asked me about the phrase, "You can't love your neighbor unless you learn to love yourself." I think it's kind of a funny thing for a pastor to say, because it really doesn't sound biblical. A focus on self-love and self-esteem, and so on, is actually more of a man-made idea, and a Western idea than a biblical one. I don't know what the context was that the pastor used it in, but I think it's best to stick to what the Bible says, which is to love your neighbor as yourself. We all tend to automatically love ourselves, in the sense that we love and care for our own bodies and our own well-being pretty much automatically. In the same sense, we should also love our neighbors. I'm glad to hear you moved to another state. Maybe that will help. I would do your best to ignore the mixed signals of them liking some content on social media, and then blocking you at other times. It seems like there are just way too many mixed messages with them, and trying to continue a friendship with them is just adding too much negativity to your life. It's probably best for you to focus on new friendships with people, in person, in the new state you're living in. Best wishes to you as you cultivate those new (and hopefully healthier) relationships! Thank you for taking the time to update everyone. God bless!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        2 months ago

        Kaitlyn Jones,

        I'm so glad things worked out and that your friend came back around and is now talking to you again, and that you're planning to meet up and hang out soon. I think sometimes people do just need space to figure things out. It seems like that was the case in this circumstance. How wonderful to have your friend back again! Continued blessings to you.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        2 months ago

        Lauren, thank you for taking the time to post an update on what's going on in your life! I'm so happy to hear that your anxiety is lower now that you're not in regular contact with Dominic. I hope you will continue to have peace and be encouraged daily. It's nice to hear that you have a new friend who is treating you better!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        2 months ago

        Nicole, I tried using the "reply" feature on this website, but it was not working. So I'll reply here. First off, I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this as well. Twelve years is a long time to be best friends with someone, so I certainly sympathize with you. I think it's wise of you to do what you're doing--just continue to pray for her and let the friendship go for now. Give her a break. If she says you are at different places now, maybe once some time passes and the two of you are one day at the "same place" again, then perhaps she will want to be friends at that time. You will have to pray about it to determine whether you're willing to risk having her in your life again, after suffering that type of hurt and rejection. Sometimes, friendships can go on a break, and then start back up again as if the two people had never been apart. You really do just have to ask God for wisdom in each situation. Praying for you, and God bless!

      • profile image

        Mlssufan01 

        2 months ago

        Thanks for your reply about the pastor's family Nicole. I've moved to a different state since then. I still haven't heard from them. They really confuse the heck out of me. I remember the pastor saying something ike "you can't love your neighbor unless you learn to love yourself." It didn't make much sense, any thoughts? The other confusion comes from mixed blocking and liking on social media. Sometimes they'll like my posts and pictures, but they also unfollow or at times even block me. It's very confusing. I just wish they'd be open to talking this out.

      • Kaitlyn Jones profile image

        Kaitlyn Jones 

        3 months ago

        Hey Nicole!

        It's been a while. I posted my problem a few months ago about how I have a crush on my best friend (Zack) & he was going through difficult times. Well after that day it's been 3 months since the last time we talked together. A few weeks ago I got a text message from him saying: "Hey Kat(my nickname he gave me lol) I want to thank you for respecting my wishes...I've gotten a lot better. I'm sorry that I was hurtful to you. This year(2018) brought a lot of horrible things in my life and even though I acted out- I had no right to treat you like that. I owe you an apology. Thank you for giving me time...I still want to be friends. I miss you a lot and wish you the best. If you ever want to talk I'm here for you".

        When I saw that message I didn't know how what to think, for the past 3 months my emotions have been a roller coaster. I was mostly sad and angry, but seeing that text made me cry tears of joy because I really miss him so much. I immediately texted back saying it's okay & I still want to be friends. Even though I still have feelings for him I'm so happy to have my friend back. We still talk all the time & we're planning to meet up real soon. I want to say thank you, Nicole, for the advice it really helped me out.

      • profile image

        Lauren 

        3 months ago

        Nicole just an update I'm doing much better then the last time we spoke I haven't spoken to Dominic in about three months or longer I talked to him twice as a neighbor so I could be on good terms with him but I'm not his friend anymore my anxiety is lower also with daily running and I've got a new friend named Roger who is sweet to me the reason why the friendship ended between me and Dominic is because he put his girlfriend first all the time and his friends at the bottom of his priority list and he wasn't there for me when I was sick a few times or when my anxiety got bad he used to be so sweet I wonder what made him change

      • profile image

        Nicole 

        3 months ago

        Thank you sososo much for this. I have been fighting this battle of confusion, and anger, and sadness since October. I miss my best friend. It is hard to see her with other friends on social media, despite her blocking me on facebook and not responding to my text. I am sure nothing will ever be the same. Strangely enough, I do think she has difficulties in her life that she is battling that I don't know about and that makes me sad and I would love to help but I can't if she has shut me out. I just want to get to a point where I am not thinking about it daily and overanalyzing everything. We were friends for 12 years. She said we were at two different points in our lives, which might be true. I will take your advice and pray for her. Thanks again.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        3 months ago

        Daisy,

        First off, my heart goes out to you for all you have been through with this relationship. At this point, since he has deleted you from his social media, I would say that he seems to be keeping you at arm's length at the moment. I would start investing in people that are worth your time and energy and actually give something back to you in return (more than just the occasional "hello" and friendly conversation every couple of years). If he was interested in dating you or keeping you as a close friend, he would have done that, but unfortunately that does not appear to be the case. That does not mean that you are not worthy of deeper connections with others, both as friends and as a romantic partner. I think you should try to broaden your horizons and not focus on him as much anymore. Even if his family remembers you and makes something of it, clearly he is not thinking of you in that way right now. Men generally like to be the one to initiate in a relationship, so if he was romantically interested, he would definitely let you know. Now would be a good time for you to try something new, like join a class or gym, start a new bible study, throw a party and tell people to invite their friends, and so on. Get to know some new friends and enjoy your time as a young adult, and try not to focus on this one person so much. There are so many other guys out there who might be interested in you. Yes, God doesn't waste any of our experiences, and no, there are no coincidences in life, but praying really hard will not automatically restore your friendship with this guy. God wants us to pray to become closer to Him and also to ask for His will in our lives. So pray for God's will regarding this young man, and surrender your cares/desires to the Lord in this area. Then get back to focusing on your life and the friends and family that make you a priority. The Lord bless you =)

      • profile image

        Daisy 

        3 months ago

        Nichole,

        My message got posted before I finished writing. I just wanted to reiterate that I do keep in contact with his sisters and they have seem me as a family friend all these years. I met his brothers in law at the premiere and they asked me if I’m the girl he mentions from time to time that help get his film project made. Knowing that made me think there is more between us than a simple infatuation, especially when both of our families think their is more between us. Though, as of right now, I’m questioning whether there was anything really there.

        God doesn’t make us meet people multiple times just by chance. Surely this friendship can been restored if I keep praying about it, right?

      • profile image

        Daisy 

        3 months ago

        Nichole,

        I have a similar problem to Katelyn Jones. I have this man friend, we were friends for about 4 years (we met while working together on movie he wrote 10 years ago). Our friendship is/was complex as we live on opposite coasts, but we seemed to find each other on Twitter and stayed in touch without following/friending each other. I stayed friends with him through his divorce and his rebound relationship after (though he kept our friendship a secret as to not upset the rebound since we worked with her, their relationship didn’t last). He has a bogus account that I’m friends with that I converse with once a year, but I know it’s him since the person uses his wording.

        Anyways, 5 years ago, I met up with my friend at premier, his girlfriend was not there, but he was very happy and surprised to see that I made it to the event. I was contemplating giving him a note that told him of my feelings for him but without saying I love you because I didn’t want to scare him away. When we were able to have a moment alone, he noticed I looked nervous. He saw the note in my jeans pocket, took it out and read it. He asked me if I love him, he got emotional and I didn’t like to see him sad. So I hugged him and hold him yes, but that I’m sorry if I made him uncomfortable, I would rather stay friends than loose him. He acknowledged that his status has never been something that made or broke our friendship and he was thankful that I gave him a sense of normalcy in his chaotic world. He told me to never apologize about my feelings because we can’t change something that is real. We continued talking and laughing about work and possibly working together again before I let him go talk to his other friends.

        After that night, our relationship got a lot more complicated. Within a year his Twitter account had more followers, and more women were asking for his attention, and with that his relationship with his girlfriend became strained (by this time she blocked me on social media).

        I tried to be emotionally there for my friend while also taking care of my own needs as at that time I just started a full time job on gop of my part time job.

        During that summer of 2014, few of the women admirers started some rumors about him and in particular attached me to the “conversations”. I, of course, was not getting involved with this nonsense and blocked these women.

        I started to notice there was tension “in the air” on Twitter the week before Thanksgiving and I left it up to God knowing that I physically could not be there for my friend and I could not see exactly what was being said, but through a friend, I knew something was wrong, so I prayed about it.

        By Christmas Eve I finally had a day off to breathe and relax from my jobs, and that night I went to wish my friend a Merry Christmas, only to be struck with the divistating news that he blocked me.

        Not only did he block me, but he also unfollowed all his friends as well as coworkers. I immediately started to get asked by mutual friends about what happened and I told them that I honestly have no idea what happened.

        Today he has new friends and a new, much younger girlfriend.

        To this day I don’t know what happened and I still feel some blame as I wonder if there was anything I could have done to save our relationship.

        I still keep in touch with the bogus account, though it’s been 6 months since I’ve received a reply. I wonder if this friendship is even worth saving.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        3 months ago

        Ellen,

        Mutual interests are important in any friendship that is going to stand the test of time. It sounds like this person was not on the same page with you as far as your interests go. I agree that if a person does not respect your boundaries, then it is time to find new friends. It sounds like you know what you want and will figure out how to proceed. Best wishes to you and God bless.

      • profile image

        Ellen 

        3 months ago

        These are some good points mentioned. I was friends with someone in school and thereafter. When thinking about the quality of the friendship, I was thinking about what I was doing to add to it and what I was getting in return. An important lesson that I learned when making friends with someone is to look at the primary interests that the other person has in me and ask myself if I am willing to accept that in a friendship. If someone only wants to share one aspect, such as religion, and I have no interest, then the friendship will most likely not work for either of us. An important lesson that I learned with having friends is that I do not need to be a people pleaser and that I have every right to keep certain things off limits. A friend who puts a strain on you for any reason is not worth keeping. I thought that this person was a good friend, but she seldom showed an interest in what I wanted to do. Anytime I would suggest something, she would turn me down, and then spring something on me that I did not really want to do.

        I don't want to get into too many specifics because I might go off on tangent.

        We are still friends, but I think more on an acquaintance level at this point. There is a possibility that something might be salvageable. If I would set some boundaries with her and she respects that, then we might have a chance. But if she doesn't respect me or my boundaries, then I would say I tried, but it is time to move on.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        3 months ago

        Nichole Wildly Alive,

        You bring up some good points. Yes, you're exactly correct. When a friend cuts us off, we may realize that person is not the wonderful friend we thought he or she was. Perhaps it's the time to find better friends. Realizing your own self-worth and not settling for mediocre friends is important. Thanks for your insight!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        3 months ago

        Piper Arrow,

        I'm glad you found this hub, and I hope it has helped you in some way. Feel free to comment here and share your story if you'd like, and I will respond. I do have my BA in Psychology, but I am not a licensed therapist. Please seek professional help from a local therapist if you find yourself in need. God bless you!

      • profile image

        Nichole Wildly Alive 

        3 months ago

        Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading. Indeed, such a heart breaking when a friend cut us off. But we need to see the bright side. Maybe they are not good for us. Or maybe we can find someone better. And we deserve better.

      • profile image

        louison 

        3 months ago

        thank you for your answer, yes i keep praying for her and all her family, i decided to let her the space she neeeds, i trust in the almighty Lord to keep her safe. thank you very much, you are blessed.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        4 months ago

        Louison,

        Perhaps when the divorce from her husband is not so fresh, your friendship will be restored. It sounds like she has a lot to work through with that. Hang in there and give her the space she needs for now, but definitely keep praying for her. God bless

      • profile image

        Piper Arrow 

        4 months ago

        Thanks for sharing this. I am in great pain right now. I wish to talk to someone.

      • profile image

        louison 

        4 months ago

        hello, thanks for you sharing this article; i'm in ,pain and don't understand my friend, i met her 2 years ago and we became friends when she lost a parent,she had a crisis with her husband too and we finish to live together for several months, we help us each other and were very close like mum and daughter because she could be my mom because of her age, we share a lot of things and do many things with each other familys, it was very intense and i think she was my soulmate in frienship. today she goes back in her home but things didn't happens well ans she is breaking up with her husband , she feels bad and refuse my help, we were very near and i can feel her pain but she tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore , doesn't want to write me and phone me like we did almost every day, i understand she has to go trought alone this time and this is what she explain to me, but i feel very bad because she put me away from her life roughly, i love her like a mom and i feel like she let me down, but i can understand but i can't lie about my feelings,i think we were too fusion and i saw her fighting trough her pain falling and rising, helping her every day like my own mom and today we don't share anything anymore, it hurts me so much.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        4 months ago

        Kim,

        At that point, I would say the person who was cut off needs to broaden their horizons in order to find friends. Join a crafting group, women's bible study or MOPS group (if she has young children). Or join a gym or special class at the gym. You can find friends in lots of places! God bless and hang in there :)

      • profile image

        Kim 

        4 months ago

        It says to nurture other friendships, but what if the one cut of is really lonely and the one cutting them off was their only friend?

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        4 months ago

        Ali S,

        God bless you as well, and a Merry Christmas to you also! I'm glad you have been able to forgive and I pray that your friendship with her will be restored someday, if it is in God's plan.

        Amanda,

        I'm so glad you're reaching out one more time and that you're making your feelings known. If nothing else, I think that will at least give you a sense of closure and help you to know that you did everything you could. Glad to be of some type of help during a difficult season. Praying for a positive outcome. God bless you and Merry Christmas!

      • profile image

        Amanda 

        4 months ago

        Thank you for this post, Nicole. About a year ago, two friends decided to cut me out of their life for no apparent reason, they blocked me on Facebook, would ignore me when I said hello, would not answer my messages, nothing. I blamed myself, believing I had done something wrong, but I for the life of me could not figure out what it was I did, and still don't know. However, I am reaching out one last time, to tell them how I feel, what their friendship once meant to me, only to give me some closure, then move on. This article is very helpful, and I appreciate all of your advice, so again, thank you.

      • profile image

        Ali S 

        4 months ago

        Thank you beautiful Nicole K, you are precious and few. You are correct for sure. I want you to know I hold no bitterness or resentment to my special friend, I cherish her every day and ALWAYS pray for her and ALWAYS keep hope and faith alive. I go to church and pray there too. It’s just hard to believe that my once fab friend has bitterness and resentment TO ME. I forgive in my heart (have asked many times in letters and cards) as I hate she has paused our once very fun and trusting unique friendship, however I just keep smiling and holding hope in my heart as I sure miss her and her adorable dog and oh so warm and calming beautiful home! Bless your beautiful heart of gold for praying for us in need, you are truly very special. Merry Christmas!

        Ali S

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        4 months ago

        Ali S,

        I do find some of your comments troubling. Your life is not meaningless because of the loss of this friend. There is more to life than one person (albeit a very dear friend, and I know all too well how painful this kind of treatment is). Please do seek professional counseling if you feel in any way that it would be beneficial to your mental health and well-being in this matter. Carrying around bitterness and resentment and feeling that your entire life is ruined because of a friend cutting you off is a terrible way to go through life. I believe you can get through this difficult experience and overcome it. Like I said, I do know how painful this is and I hope you can find some helpful ways of healing and coping in spite of the hurt and pain you are feeling. Consider Jesus.... he was betrayed by multiple friends. Yet He did not give up. He did everything to the glory of God the Father, even when those closest to Him denied Him and betrayed Him.... So we too, should follow His example. Life is worth living and it's worth turning our cares and concerns, and bitterness and hurt/anger over to God.... He will never turn us away. God bless and I am saying a prayer for you tonight.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        4 months ago

        Nicole D.,

        What you said was correct.... a true friend will stand by you in not only the good times, but the bad as well. Your father had just died, so it was only natural for you to be feeling negative at times, as you started to go through the grieving process. I'm sorry she couldn't handle that (if that is the reason she decided to curtail your friendship. We can only speculate and don't know anything for sure). Reaching out again does open you up for more rejection and hurt, but sometimes that's a risk worth taking. You have to weigh your options. If you do decide to strike up the friendship again, perhaps you could meet up in person and explain how hurt you felt when she cut you off at a very difficult time in your life emotionally (when your dad had just passed away). Then explain that you do miss having her friendship in your life, but you want there to be mutual consideration and respect on both sides, and for you both to be friends whether in good times or bad. If she is simply a "fair weather" friend, then, when things get difficult again and you're down, she'll be gone again. Time will tell whether she will repent of the way she acted, and be a true friend, or not. Either way, I hope you are blessed in your life and future relationships and that you don't keep your guard up too high. There's lots of other people out there in the world and God can provide other friendships as well (maybe healthier ones). Keep your chin up !

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        4 months ago

        Kaitlyn Jones,

        Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry to hear that after pouring your heart out and being honest about your true feelings, Zach told you that he doesn't want to be close to you anymore. That must have been so devastating for you to hear that. I don't understand why he feels he can't trust you anymore, though. That seemed a little odd to me. Maybe he'll come back around once he has time to process everything and get some space. It sounds like he is feeling pretty overwhelmed with his previous relationships with women falling apart, and he needs some time to be on his own for awhile. I hope you will rekindle your friendship if it is meant to be. Saying a prayer for you during this time as you heal and move forward. The Lord bless you with His peace, no matter what happens.

      • profile image

        Neavelle 

        4 months ago

        The same thing happened to me and my very close friend who I have knew since we were little girls. I did not hear from her for months. She never responded to my messages. I still prayed for her during those months. I contacted her a few weeks ago , and She told me all about the trials that she was going through.

      • profile image

        Kaitlyn 

        5 months ago

        Thank you for sharing. I will try to bear this advice in mind as I am going through something similar. I recently lost a friend of mine as well due to my own stupidity. We used to speak daily and now it’s been months since we’ve spoken. It was my fault as I sent her a message she misinterpreted but I never intended ill and she didn’t give me a chance to explain myself or apologize. This is the worst part for me in addition to her feeling that she had to protect herself from me. I made things worse by trying to contact other people and find out what happened until she ultimately told me (indirectly). I’m trying to remember that God is in control and that there’s most likely a good reason this person is no longer in my life but it’s hard even if you were the cause of the friendship ending. I have prayed for peace of mind even if restoration of the friendship is not possible. It’s clear I’m not a loss to her and that reconciliation is not something she’s considering. I understand her perspective especially since, in my desperation, I dragged others into it, too, and I wasn’t accountable enough. I’ve been riddled with guilt ever since. My intentions truly weren’t malicious and I feel friends should talk things out when there’s disagreements and misunderstandings. I should have respected boundaries more but I wish I had been given the opportunity to defend myself. I have since sent her one last message apologizing and asking for forgiveness which I doubt she will ever read. God’s will be done and I will never make these same mistakes again. Bless.

      • profile image

        Laurie Roy 

        5 months ago

        My "christian friend"of over 20 years cut me off while my daughter and I were homeless,sleeping in a vehicle in the cold on a day when my abusive brother attacked me.However,this was the third time she cut me off but she had said after the second time,she "never wanted to lose touch again..."I believe now she has mental illness and I know she is damaged from years of ALLOWING herself to be controlled by an abusive husband who even tried to choke their daughter.She STILL stayed with him,using the bible as an excuse that she has to"obey"him.He told her over the years"cut ties with this person or that person-and she obeyed instantly,no matter who they were.I loved their children but the husband was very disrespectful and uncompassionate still.I could go on but I have to try to forgive.Why did I allow myself to be hurt by this person THREE times??!!It makes you feel like a fool and worthless and even embarrassed as I have to tell my child once again,I can't go visit"so n so"with you AGAIN,as they cut me off...for being homeless and a victim of abuse...I would not treat a STRANGER like that!

      • profile image

        Nicole D. 

        5 months ago

        I can relate to your story a lot

        I have only had one best friend 7 plus years I’ve known since high school and she was the only person I could talk about anything with and didn’t judge me I could be myself with this person. Until a year ago my father passed away suddenly sent me into depression and was really negative person for a while...she messaged me one night and said I don’t want to be friends anymore. I asked why and sent another message days later but she ignored me.

        I was so heartbroken because the person who would say best friends for life and called me her sister would suddenly do this. Especially with no explanation it just made me feel disrespected and questioned everything...like was she just using me or did she never care about me. I felt like trash that was discarded because I was going through a tough time.

        I would blame myself...perhaps I leaned too much on her at the time or was too negative for her. I look back now and think that even if so...no person who calls themselves your friend or even best friend would do that...friends love you enough to stick through the good times and bad times. They don’t think of you as a loser but uplift you. Even if I was being negative or leaning on her too much if she was a friend she could have communicated and be honest tell me to back off some instead of just ending things and going the easy route.

        I look back now and think of things from a different perspective. She has bipolar and takes different meds so it could be she was and still is going through a very hard time or her mind was messed up at the time. She did some weird things like delete her number and delete her Facebook. During our friendship she would also have times she was depressed or made decisions I didn’t agree with...but I was always loyal and never did I ever consider cutting her off.

        One year later the pain still hurts and still think of her but not as much. I have trouble trusting people and my guard is up so high. I have friends but not close. I feel isolated and lonely st times it gets to me but I try to make it through it and stay positive and hopeful and I try still to make new friends any opportunity I get. Even though it is difficult to make new friends in late twenties. I am focusing on myself getting into grad school now.

        I don’t know how to forgive and let go of these feelings of hurt for good so I can move on. i would love to move on and have a happier life happier relationships.

        I am debating on whether to get in touch with my ex best friend and just message her see how she is. I still wish her well and don’t want her to be doing bad but I do not wish to have the type of relationship or friendship we used to have.

      • Kaitlyn Jones profile image

        Kaitlyn Jones 

        5 months ago

        Hello Nicole!

        Your article is really inspiring. I'm going through things with my best friend similar to this only there is one complication. I actually have a crush on my best friend. (Let's say his name is Zack)

        Zack and I have been friends since middle school and ever since then, we've been basically really great pals. We tell each other everything. He knows my secrets and I know his. Until one day in high school, Zack told me he has a crush on a girl we know(Let's say her name is Jane).

        At first, when he told me I felt weird and kind of unhappy. I question myself why was I feeling like this only to discover I like my best friend. I didn't know what to do, I know he doesn't feel that way towards me and only thinks of me as a sister. The more I think about it I realized that either way I don't want to ruin my friendship with him.

        On the following year of high school, I told Zack, to ask out Jane. I realized that he liked her very much, and I want to support him as a friend. They've been together almost 6 years now ever since we graduate from high school, an even though it hurts I was glad to see Zack happy.

        We go to the same college, and would sometimes hang out if we don't have classes. Until one day in September, I was bored at work and decided to contact Zack's best friend(Alex). Alex told me that Zack and Jane broke up a few weeks ago. In my mind, I was devastated & upset to see those two broke up. I told Alex to give Zack my number since I realized I got a new number and haven't contacted him since last semester. Zack told me he and Jane broke up due to personal reasons. He told me he started dating this girl name (Veronica). I was surprised to see him dating so soon. After that, we've been texting and calling each other constantly it felt like old time.

        We both barely have time to hang out, since we have jobs only in his job he finishes at 10 pm, so we stayed up calling and texting each other. Until one day Zack told me that things haven't been well with his girlfriend. He told me that she's been acting strangely by not responding to his calls or texts all the time. I haven't met her, but I can tell something wasn't right about her. We've been talking more about her, and he decided to break up with her the next time he sees her which was on Halloween.

        After Halloween, a lot of Zack's friends which were girls ask him out. He said no to mostly all the girls that have crushes on them. They were basically his friends, but he told me he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. One night he texted me saying that apparently, veronica cheated on him. He was really depressed to see that not just Veronica, but also Jane really broke his heart into pieces he became depressed and believed that nobody cares about him, and no one will miss him. I just couldn't take it anymore seeing him like this, so I told him that there are people here that do care about you. I told him that I know it hurts but one day soon you'll be ok. Of course, he doesn't believe in me.

        That day on November 5th I said something that basically ruined our friendship forever. I told him my feelings for him right there. My mind told me to stop talking, but my heart told me otherwise. He didn't know how to respond until he says "It all makes sense now". He knew why I've been acting strange around him. It took him a couple of minutes to tell me "Great now I can't trust you, Kaitlyn...". My whole body froze and I felt my right hand shaking when he continued talking to me. I basically zoned out when he said those words I felt like my heart completely shattered. The thing I know I said to him "You know what Zack...you're right maybe you shouldn't trust me"(I don't even trust in myself or better yet believed in myself". Since I'm going through depression over time I think I'm not good enough, nobody cares about me, or why I ever existed). Things simply went from bad to worst after that phone call. After our little conversation on the phone, he sent me a text on the same night saying " I don't want to be close to anyone... I'm too afraid I'll either hurt them or they will hurt me...I can't trust anybody...it's not your fault...message me for emergency...but don't call me please."

        That was the moment I knew I blew it and lost someone I cared about in the whole world. At first, I started crying all day and all night the following week. My depression hit me down really deep. I wanted to text back, but I realized that he needed more time. It really hurts when the one person who I cared about so in my life, I can't even contact anymore. Every night I pray for him and hope for the better but it still hurts. I wish I can go back in time and stop myself from talking, but I know it's not possible. Of course I still have feelings for me, but still hearing him saying he can't trust me really hurts, and I don't know what to do.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        5 months ago

        Ali S,

        I read your story a couple of days ago, and my heart really goes out to you. Sometimes it's difficult to know how to respond to a story like this, because the hurt that these broken friendships cause goes deep, and words can't adequately provide the comfort and encouragement that a hurting heart needs. I will say that I found it interesting, and you made a good point when you said that even criminals are forgiven and spoken to. What a valid point that is! If even people who have committed a criminal offense can be forgiven and spoken to again, why do some people perpetuate this "silent treatment" onto their friends this way, and cut them off for no apparent reason? This seems to occur with no explanation and not much hope of reconciliation sometimes, which is just baffling. I am so sorry it has happened to you as well. I hope I can offer some measure of encouragement and peace to you through all this. Truly, all I can do is point you to Jesus! I was reminded to day that Jesus was betrayed by a friend, Judas. He was disappointed by his other friends when they were supposed to stand watch with him, and instead, they fell asleep. And Peter, one of his best friends and followers, denied ever knowing Jesus, during his darkest hour, when He was about to go to the cross! Our friends sometimes let us down, perhaps for reasons unknown to us. The friendship may come around again, or perhaps it will not. You may get an answer. Or you may not. But one thing I know: Jesus is familiar with hurt and betrayal, and if you give this over to Him, He is able to give you peace, comfort, hope and encouragement in a way that no other person ever could. Praying for a good resolution to all this for you! The Lord bless you and help you during this difficult time.

        ~ Psalm 34 ~

      • profile image

        Ali S 

        5 months ago

        Personally, I am struggling with an issue perhaps you can touch upon if you so desire. If I may share I am full of humiliation, shame, sadness, embarrassment, rejection and cannot understand “why me” but everyone has a “why me” story…

        My story is simple, I met a nice new friend close to my age, as sadly her beautiful husband passed away 2 years ago. They were married for 28 years, endless love and admiration beyond words. Sadly he passed away from developing Pancreatic Cancer. He was much loved in his community and in the world, very popular with so many friends!

        My new friend was and is the best! Her name is Danielle. She welcomed me to stay in her beautiful home, as I rented a bedroom/office for 4 months thus helped her out with tasks, errands, light cleaning, laundry, trash, helped her care for her father with dementia as he just passed way sadly and also helped her care for her precious dog, Angel (she got her when her husband passed way).

        It felt so amazing to be with a new peaceful, plentiful, bright, motivated, enthusiastic, fun, funny and a beautiful soul inside and out. We formed a wonderful friendship as we did about everything together (she was used to her husband so it was different for her). We went to concerts, shows, movies, dined out, manicures, mountains, shopping, laughing, spent the holidays together last year too! We did a lot together believe you me!

        Perhaps I was too much as I always brought food because I am diabetic and I reminded her of her dearly departed husband. She is very picky and tidy and did not want unnecessary “stuff” which perhaps I got to her. Also I am a very loving “straight” gal and perhaps may have smothered her as last Super bowl Sunday, we had plans to be together and watch in her home so I brought tons of food to make a huge salad. The night before we were out until late so nothing had happened.

        There were hints before that I am kind of weak and emotional and perhaps too “needy” of her friendship (perhaps yes, she was so refreshing and unique, we had a blast) and she is VERY STRONG minded and powerful so perhaps my weakness and being in her face too much got to her, I DO NOT KNOW! She got very upset with the food (perhaps it was just the topping of her gradual getting tired of me), however she had a blast too, I did not tie her down, all plans were HER IDEA”, so she kind of got upset and let out some anger. I left with my food and canceled our manicure before the big game. She then said she did not like my “drama” and that would cause our friendship to be shaky. She meant it… She then said “I need an Ali break”.

        Unfortunately for ME I have not spoken to her since Feb. 4, 2018. I went from the BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE TO THE WORST! Reason, she was like my sister and best friend, I was there for her big time in every regard (her to me as well) and out of nowhere she told me she needed a break from me, so I tried to apologize several times with outreach of letters, cards etc. and still to this day, no word. She cut me off her Facebook and all social media and I am not welcome in her home. I lived with her are you kidding me, we did everything together. We have a few mutual friends…They tell me to move on, they don’t care, one was always commenting we are always together so of course she is glad! I do not speak to her now either and have known that gal my entire life. The domino effect is widespread and NONSENSE AND UNNECESSARY!

        I FORGIVE HER absolutely and truly only send love, light, blessings, peace and healing 100%. I will never give up hope and faith that she may come around and allow me to be forgiven for what I may have done “inadvertently” to cause her to shut down, no discussion, no communication, no forgiveness in her heart, nothing, absolutely nothing. I still think the world of her and miss her big time and pray every day for her forgiveness. We live blocks away, I miss her and her beautiful warm cozy home, her precious doggie “Angel” that loved me as well and our fun friendship, it was THE BEST!

        I know you have no miracle here, only God has his plans however if you could help with a message of why we are not forgiven when begging for forgiveness and thus left feeling ashamed, sad, embarrassed, humiliated, disregarded, resented, disrespected and not feeling like a deserving human, a child of God.

        LIFE IS SHORT, I DO NOT WANT THIS TO KEEP BREAKING MY HEART as I wonder why I am not forgiven for what may have caused her to silence, block and put a pause on our once spectacular fab friendship, I do not understand this in life. I am truly a very good person, I love from every once of my being, I give unselfishly, I try every day to be a good person, I am very loyal as a friend and as a professional, I care and offer myself as an unconditional friend. Why do some of us receive this “harsh” unworthy treatment in life? Shouldn’t everyone be able to voice themselves, defend themselves and be given an opportunity to grow, heal, be forgiven and be treated like a loyal friend?

        I do not have the answers, only God does HOWEVER I miss my friend, her dog and home and would be feeling so blessed if I were able to be given an opportunity to be treated like a good friend, a human and show up perhaps better to meet her particular expectations of a friend, truly I do not know that answer, she does not speak to me…

        Nobody seems to understand I still love her, forgive her and always hold hope she comes around and treats me like I should be treated, they do not like what she has done to me but I am not mad at her, I am only sad, very sad and upset that her decision to kick me to the curb makes ME FEEL UNWORTHY… We as humans, find it difficult to rebound from knowing we did “something” that caused another human being/friend to show such disrespect, disregard and ZERO empathy/compassion to know me as the recipient of this kind of perhaps “cowardly” behavior, would be suffering, I am suffering, DEEPLY. She knows me, she knows my weaknesses, I would never in life begin to understanding why I continue to be the recipient of this unfair, illogical, hurtful, “punishment if you will” treatment. I do not want to live my life knowing I am thought of and belittled by my once best friend. I cannot understand why this happens. Criminals are forgiven and spoken to, I am not a criminal. I am a loving, unique, special, empathetic, compassionate, loyal friend! I care why don’t they? Silence is control, I have no control, and I am the loser here… I pray every day for her...I love her very much, she adds nothing but positive value and inspiration to my life and I will always pray for her to recover & heal with our friendship once again! That’s all I want for Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday...

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        7 months ago

        Angelina,

        What Lily did sounds awful! It definitely sounds like she is out for her own interests and is being really selfish and immature right now. I really hope for her sake (and the sake of those around her) that she is just being ignorant and immature, and that one day she'll realize that this is not how one ought to act towards others, especially someone you esteemed as a friend! I would exercise caution if she ever comes back around wanting to be friends again. Sorry you had to go through this and may the Lord help and encourage you, and provide other friendships that will be a blessing in your life.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        7 months ago

        Edgar,

        Yes, it is so hard for me (still, years later!) not to put people on pedestals. God wants us to not have any idols before Him, as well, so putting a person up on a pedestal can be dangerous, because we might actually be putting that person and their friendship before our relationship with God. Good to think about that and ask the Lord for wisdom. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

      • profile image

        Lauren 

        7 months ago

        Yes Nicole he could be been a better friend to me although he wasn't always that way he was sweet and made me feel special like I meant something to him but then he got into a serious relationship and started acting like a jerk he's just not the guy I used to know he never makes time for his friends whereas his friends meant the world to him he said that a thousand times but he never acted this way until four months ago I didn't want to end the friendship with him at first because I didn't want to break his heart but eventually he pushed me to do it he's to blame and his girlfriend is mostly to blame

      • profile image

        AngelinaF 

        7 months ago

        Thank you for writing this article. I recently had a friend (we'll call her Lily) whom I'd been friends with for 7 years. We were the best of friends and nothing could come between us. Around February, Lily started to befriend another group of girls. I also befriended them, but they slowly started cutting me out. They would do things together on the weekends and not even tell me about it, or make a joint social media account without me in it. I noticed these things and confronted Lily about it. She told me that I was the cause of a lot of her problems, and then started to make up things that I never said and tell me how I am a bad person. One day in May, Lily told me in the girls bathroom that she didn't want to be friends anymore. She said that we could still be friendly, but never the same way we once were. She then left me crying in the bathroom about it. We were acquaintances then until early June, when she completely cut me out of the picture. Then in August, we started high school. On the first day, I waved to her and said hi. She said hi as well, but kind of looked away and ignored me. A week later, as I was walking out of a class with my friend Lucy, she saw Lucy and said "Hi!" As soon as Lily saw me, she looked annoyed and turned around, completely ignoring me. I was recently talking to a few of mine and her (old) other friends. One of them was from the friend group she left me for. Let's call her Christie for privacy. Christie told me that over the summer Lily didn't talk to her. Christie doesn't go to the same high school we do also. She said that she really misses a Lily and that she cut her out as well. She then texted Lily about how she's been ignoring her and how she wanted an answer from her. Lily responded saying, "Oh my gosh! I miss u so much! I've been super busy lately though. Cross country every evening, and my phones been messing up too." Christie told me that a few months back, Lily started telling her to ignore me. Christie said she didn't know why Lily hated me so much. I haven't talked to Christie since then, but she's probably back to being friends with her. I also spoke to a girl who had been friends with Lily, but moved to another school two years ago. She said that a week before high school started, she hung out with Lily for an entire day, and now Lily just ignores her! We both came to the consensus that Lily was only friends with people to use them for popularity, then she would throw them away. Also, Lily's mother and mine were good friends, and now her mother ignores my mom too! I keep crying about this because I miss her so much, and she was such a great friend, but I don't know what to do. She completely ignores my existence and I have no idea why. If you have any suggestions, please tell me them because I am still very, very sad about all of this.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        7 months ago

        Oh, hello!

        First of all, I love your screen name for some reason! It's just fun. Yes, I think you have really hit the nail on the head. While it's true that we don't always understand what our friends are going through, it really is the biggest disappointment when they don't tell us about circumstances that are happening in their lives and we do feel, as you say, "bamboozled", because they seemingly didn't think they could trust us enough to let us know. It is so hard to think that someone we felt close to would not let us into their inner world and tell us what was happening with them. Perhaps God keeps us from knowing certain things, because we are not ready, or it is not the right time...I don't know your situation, but my prayers are with you.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        7 months ago

        Missufan,

        Dealing with losing the friendship of a whole family, and especially a pastor's family whom you were close with at church, sounds really difficult. Saying a prayer for your as you navigate this situation! May God give you wisdom.

      • profile image

        Sarah 

        7 months ago

        Great article, I had this happen with me and my best friend of 6 years. This happened about 9 months ago and I’m still trying to get over it. There was a fight and she completely cut me off and made me feel terrible about myself and that it was all of my fault and our friendship was toxic, so she said. I got counseling and I come to know that we were both at fault. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around how somebody can cut you off like that, that’s the saddest part to me. You say you’re a Christian, but you can’t even acknowledge me. We go to the same college and we have a class together and it’s so awkward. I would like to see how’s she’s doing but I’m afraid of what she will do as she told the church that we both went to that I smothered her and I was obsessive. Never did I think I was like this. I was always there for her no matter what and we talked all of the time and had classes together. Then, after Christmas break, she told me over a text that we can’t be friends anymore and that I’m a catastrophe as a person. I stopped going to the church that I loved so much, but I did find a new one so that will be alright. She’s on the worship team at church too, and after I heard what was being said I lost respect for the church and knew I wasn’t going to go back to where I would be feeling judged. It just sucks because I still care about her even though she talks crap about me with our other friends and family. She completely slandered my name to where I don’t want to ever be around her again but I miss the old her to where she was caring. I have a lot of other friends but nothing will ever compare. She text me this summer and told me that she forgave me and wished the best for me and I said the same back. I thought it was strange because it was out of nowhere but she’s back to acting like I don’t exist in class. I literally look at the clock the whole time until I can leave.

      • profile image

        Edgar Morales 

        7 months ago

        Thank you ! it helped to read your story! I realize some good points and valid clues to deal with the issue. I tend to put people on pedestals all the tme.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        7 months ago

        Lauren,

        Dominic could have been a better friend to you in your times of need, it sounds like. Going through an illness is a pretty big deal, and so is having a parent pass away. I'm sorry to hear your friend was not more sympathetic and caring during those difficult times. When someone shows themselves to be a bad friend, we have two choices: 1) forgive them and explain how it made us feel, and give them another chance; 2) forgive them but do not continue the friendship. If you don't think that person is going to change or treat you better, sometimes it's the best move to not be as close with them anymore or maintain the same level of friendship. But we should always forgive, no matter what. I hope you have other friends in your life who are more supportive and caring. The best way to find people like that, is to be that kind of friend to others. Blessings!

      • profile image

        Oh, hello! 

        8 months ago

        Your words have rang within my soul.. We may not understand what our closest friends/allies are going through..

        However, the biggest disappointment is that they didn’t think they could trust in us to tell us. I feel bamboozled right now.

      • profile image

        Mlssufan01 

        8 months ago

        Hello Nicole, I stumbled across your site and it was what i think i needed to hear, but in this case this scar goes beyond anything ive dealt with. I was friends with the pastors family for 5 years. Apparently one of the daughters was bothered, she had her brother trll me i was barely tolerable while she and her sister ignored me. This all came out of the blue. This triggered me so much i went through mental problems of my own...i was having delusions of my own, thinking she ran away from home (cuz she wasnt at church the next week) so i turned myself into the police thinking it was my fault. I did talk to the pastor a couple times since then and he said theres no animosity and they care about me but want to give me the space i need to move forward and that i didnt do anything to slight him, but also said i was only allowed at main service and mens breakfast, and would have to give his daughter space to process. At mental health i learned it was quite possible i have schizo bipolar (my family has it) but this is so weird. This hurts so much because its not just losing the one friend. Its losing the entire family. Its losing the entire church family. And from everyone has told me i havent done anything wrong. If it is a mental issue she going through then i think thats something that can bring us closer together since my family has always dealt with it. But being rejected by a pastors family...this is one of the hardest things ive had to endure. I know the pastor just wants his daughter to be happy and comfortable, but at the same time its coming across as divisive and unloving, especially considering how they handled it. Ive been so confused but i love them so much.

      • profile image

        Lauren 

        8 months ago

        I'm the one that ended the friendship with Dominic but he wasn't being a good friend at all to me he always but his girlfriend first he wasn't there for me when my anxiety got bad or when I had pneumonia until it got worse and I had a fever but even then he wasn't there in person not until after I was better he just was being a bad friend he knew that my dad died five years ago but I don't think he cared at all so finally I've had enough and ended the friendship

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        8 months ago

        Dear orlaghmccavana

        Being unfollowed on Instagram or Facebook can really hurt. Even though it's just social media, I understand how it can still sting when one of your friends rejects you on this type of platform. Hang in there! Focus on your other friendships and also having quiet time with God, and doing hobbies you enjoy. Try to limit your use of social media if you find that it's too upsetting for you to deal with it. Go outside. Read a book. Go swimming with a friend. Go to the gym. Listen to music. Create something. Broaden your horizons and take a break from the digital world. You'll most likely feel a lot more peaceful and this will jump start your healing process.

        God bless you :)

      • Orlaghmccavana profile image

        Orlaghmccavana 

        9 months ago from Goring by sea

        How can I deal these friendships that made me break up with my new or old friendships by my new or old friends blocking me on ig or leaving me out of our friendship?

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        9 months ago

        Hi NC girl,

        I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your two best friends within the past two years. That would certainly be difficult to deal with. Saying a prayer for you today. May God be with you and bring you comfort and encouragement right now.

      • profile image

        NC girl 

        9 months ago

        Thank you so much for sharring this. Ive lost my two best friends in 2 years and its been harder than anything.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        10 months ago

        Key,

        That's really sad that she cut you off so close to your birthday. I know how hard it can be to think about celebrating without someone who you were so close to. Please remember that there will be other special people in your life who will be excited to celebrate with you when the time comes.

        It's ironic how people can turn things around on others. She did most of the inviting, yet now she feels smothered. The best thing to do is give her the space she's asking for and just pray for resolution. There is definitely something deeper going on most of the time, in my experience. God knows our needs before we ask Him and He alone knows the heart of your friend and her issues/struggles. Praying for you both!

      • profile image

        Key 

        10 months ago

        Thank you for this article. I am currently dealing with a friend that decided to cut me off three weeks before my birthday. She mentioned that she needed to figure out her life and that felt smothered. Often times she was the one calling me and inviting to events with her and her family. I never looked at it as me smothering her. I have come to the realization that she must be dealing with something deeper than what she has told me. I of course panicked and did something that I regret. I sent her an email asking for forgiveness but she has not responded. I have prayed for her and I pray that she forgives me and if it is God’s will he reconciles and restores our friendship. Thank you again for the article as it has opened my eyes to realize maybe why things turned out the way that they did.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        10 months ago

        Courtretort,

        I do see what you're saying, but I think what you're referring to is when friends drift apart, which sometimes just happens naturally. This article concerns when a friend suddenly cuts you off, not simply because you've grown apart due to being in different seasons of life. Sometimes, friends do naturally drift apart, and it's not necessarily hurtful to either party. If you have a class with someone and strike up a friendship, you may drift apart when the class is over and you no longer have that commonality. If your friend gets married and you're still single, you might naturally gravitate more toward your single friends, because you both have that stage of life in common. But when someone cuts off a friendship, it means they sever ties with that person completely. It's not just that they don't get together as much anymore because they drifted apart. There's a split--a parting of ways and a refusal to have any contact whatsoever, and that's what is extremely painful. Keeping a friendship that you've had for 10 or 20+ years, in the sense that you get back in touch once or twice a year to catch up, is not going to stunt anyone's growth or keep them from "giving birth" to a new season in their lives. Refusing to answer someone's phone calls, deleting them from social media, and literally cutting ties completely is what is very heartbreaking and not "natural"--there's usually a deeper reason than just "growing apart." I hope that makes sense.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        10 months ago

        Tracie,

        It sounds like it could be a combination of reasons. It would probably be best to give her space right now and wait. See if she contacts you after some time passes. I know how hard that can be. Please be good to yourself and nurture other friendships during this time. Hopefully then, your mind won't be as focused on the situation. God bless you!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        10 months ago

        6Kat,

        I'm really sorry to hear that you feel like you've been replaced. That has got to be a crummy feeling! Has all contact with your friend been completely cut off? Or is she just spending more time with this new friend now? Give it some time and perhaps the friendship will come back around. Glad this page can be uplifting to you in some way. The Lord bless you!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        10 months ago

        Horsegirl,

        I hope your friendship can be restored with the person you hurt as well. I will pray over that situation, for this person to have a forgiving heart towards you and for everything to work out. God bless!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        10 months ago

        Andrew,

        Thank you for your response and kind words. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you again. We have been pretty busy here lately.

        It sounds to me like you really held your mother's thoughts and opinions in high esteem, and that even now you regret letting her down by marrying Ruth against her wishes. It's amazing how much power and sway our parents' attitudes and opinions can have over us, even when they are no longer with us anymore. The parent-child bond is such a strong one! However, as close as you were with your mother, and as much as you valued her advice and input in your life, you did make the choice to marry Ruth, and she is the one that God had for you to spend your life with and raise a family with. As sad as Jennifer's circumstances have turned out, and as much as I'm sure you have good intentions in trying to help her out, it just isn't appropriate. With all due respect, you decided to reach out to her over email, and I'm not sure that decision was well-advised. I'm so sorry to hear it has caused you so much stress and anxiety and brought on health problems. God's Word and His truths are so important that they trump even the thoughts and opinions of our (well-intentioned) parents. "What God has joined together, let man not separate." -Mark 10:9. God joined you and Ruth together, and His covenant takes precedence over the thoughts or ideas of any person, regardless of who it is-- even your mother. I think that when you focus on the truths found in His Word and on making your marriage stronger, you'll transition into a new season where you are not so hyper-focused on this other person, and where you can have peace and tranquility in your life again. Let it go and truly give it all to the Lord. God bless you in this!

      • profile image

        Courtretort 

        10 months ago

        Cutting off a friend is not always out of meanness or due to a problem. It may be because you somehow froze a person into a moment of time, or a season of time, and they were growing and changing and/or needing to grow and change in a direction you were not. Their move away was really going on for a long time and you were not able to see it, maybe not want it.

        Sometimes it works the other way. You may be the one growing and changing and the other person is not.

        The parallel is to your own life. At 15, you are not the person you were at 5, and at 30 not who you were at 15.

        Learn to "release" people from stages of development you may even be binding them in, perhaps more for your own needs. When we hold seasons back and keep them from evolving, it's like binding one's legs when about to giver birth. There often, too, has to be a death before a birth of a new season, both for you and others.

        Wouldn't it be said for any of us if we had to stay in the diaper stage of life for a parent who did not want us to group up? Those parallels exist in the life of friendships, too.

      • profile image

        Tracie 

        10 months ago

        This just happened to me as well. I’m getting two conflicting reasons for her silence if I get any response at all. One she thinks I did something I didn’t and two it’s because she has some “battle“ going on that I wouldn’t understand. I have no idea which one it is. She’s been through a lot and I’ve been there for her through a lot and she knows I can handle pretty much anything.

        Her silence is killing me!!!

      • profile image

        6Kat 

        10 months ago

        Thank you for putting this out on the internet. I'm happy to have stumbled across it! I recently had a friend cut me out of her life and "replace" me for reasons I don't know. We hadn't been friends that long a year maybe) but I don't have many people I call friends and I felt like we had a good connection for a good friendship. Anyway, for whatever the reason(s) she has moved on. I'm working through my feelings on it but your article has helped affirm what I've been feeling and doing to help myself through it.

      • profile image

        Horsegirl1974 

        10 months ago

        I read your story and I will pray that God will restore my friendship with a certain person that I hurt. I hope one day she can forgive me.

      • profile image

        Andrew 

        11 months ago

        Dear Nicole,

        I just read your reply to my post -- thank you so very, very much!

        You hit the nail on the head with your observations.

        I am writing this to clarify and provide additional context to my earlier post.

        It had occurred to me that I was infatuated with Jennifer -- for some reason, my mind refused to *see* her as she was now, rather than as she was when we were young. Moreover, you're right, I do have a *very* strong tendency to idealize; I idealized her when we first dated -- she said so little, it was easy to fill in the blanks as I imagined, rather than as they were -- and the complete absence of any resolution when we parted, led to me not being able to forget her and needing to find her again, to get answers. There wasn't space in the original post, but this desire to find her was exacerbated by the fact that when she came to visit my family in 1973 -- when she drove up to tell me she wanted to break-up and date other men -- my mother actually took a liking to her! Years later, when I was dating my future wife, Ruth, I found that my mother was not as fond of her and suggested I hadn't found the *right* person; I'll never forget, when she once pointedly asked, 'whatever happened to Jennifer?' a few months before she died of breast cancer…I was very, very close to my mother -- she knew what was in my soul better than anyone else. She also had the gift of prophecy -- everything she ever told me about my future and my future with Ruth has indeed come true, both for better and for worse. I never forgot her words... but they sowed the seeds of doubt that have been working their way in my heart ever since. So, you can see that the combination of her liking Jennifer (she never liked any of my other girlfriends!), not much liking Ruth (I went against her wishes in marrying Ruth, following my mother's death) and Jennifer's battling breast cancer -- the very disease that killed my mother! -- in addition to the breast cancer and other incredible hardships of Jennifer's life, all combined to create a 'perfect storm' of turbulent emotions in my life. There is no other woman all this could have happened with, only Jennifer...

        I became convinced God had brought us together for some greater good, perhaps to help her in some way. I was so keen to have us all become friends -- her younger son plays piano and I used to be a violinist; what joy it could have brought all of us to make music! But, no, she wouldn't have it; she won't meet Ruth, saying it would hurt her too much. Indeed, she once told me that she cried so much following our initial meeting last October. I'm probably thick as a brick, but I don't understand why? If she was so in love with me, why did she not find my letters and write me decades ago? -- I would have torn the house apart, had it been me! Why didn't she retrace her route to our summer house? She once drove 650 km to get there; she's a very bright woman, surely she could have figured it out? There are so many, many questions, but she won't give me any answers and now won't even communicate with me, so I may well never know. The whole thing is one massive enigma, that makes no sense, but has been driving me slowly insane. I have lost weight, started losing my hair, break into tears all too easily -- I really think finding her in such a state, yet not being able to help her, has brought me to the edge of an abyss. To be fair, it’s not completely her fault, but is rather the latest in a series of life-changing events. For one, my Dad passed away with Alzheimer's a few years ago, which took an enormous toll on me. Also, Jennifer had been saying for months previously that I needed to refocus on my wife and marriage; so in truth, she really has behaved honorably throughout and it's only my own fault, my stupidity in not being able to see her as she is now, that has brought us to this sorry mess.

        I haven't said much about Ruth, but I do love her very much and have showered her with many, many gifts of jewelry, flowers and every other imaginable thing to show my love for her over the years. Yet, I can't deny that the shadow of my mother's disapproval, coupled with her liking Jennifer, and fighting the same dread cancer has wrought havoc with my psyche. Had Jennifer been married and more or less happy when we met last October, none of this would have happened. It was her loneliness and need combined with the factors just mentioned that literally 'pushed all my buttons'. I'm a problem-solver by nature, but this is so far, far beyond my ability to 'fix' that I have I have only been 'spinning my wheels' to the point of a nervous breakdown...

        I have no wish to have an affair with Jennifer, but I cannot deny still having an overwhelming need to help her somehow. But she's cut off all communication, so there's nothing I can do -- it's in God's hands now, just as it has always been. I can only pray for her. How I wish I could understand His purpose in bringing us together again -- I am *sure* there *must be* a purpose, it can't all just have been coincidence...

        Thank you again, Nicole -- your words have helped heal me, you have a very rare gift of insight. God Bless you for your kindness and generosity in helping so many benighted, confused souls like me!

        Andrew

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        11 months ago

        Aaron,

        Hi again. I do remember your story. You seem to be very conflicted about having this person in your life. Perhaps, if having this person as a friend gives you this much anxiety, it's not a good idea. Also, you mentioned "negative soul-ties" a couple of times. I haven't heard of that before, and I've never read anything about "soul-ties" in the Bible. So I don't know what you mean by that. I think you should be wary about believing in soul ties if it's not something God tells us about in His Word. Keep praying and seeking God on this whole matter.

        "You will keep him in perfect peace,

        Whose mind is stayed on You,

        Because he trusts in You." -Isaiah 26:3

        If this friendship doesn't bring you peace or a closer relationship with God, maybe it's not worth keeping. Blessings!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        11 months ago

        Andrew,

        Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you will take my comments and advice in the best way possible, and know that I'm coming only from a place of concern for you and your marriage.

        You mention that you believe in God and believe that He is in control. In that case, I would encourage you to keep reading His Word in order to determine His will in this matter and have peace about it. You are married. The woman you married chose you and has faithfully loved you all this time. You have children together. The woman you are married to *is* the one you were have *supposed* to have married. Why? Because you chose each other! And God ordained that covenant and does not want your eyes or heart wandering away! Your wife did not walk away and leave you hanging, she chose to have a life with you and make you her everything. This other woman is someone from your past who you were infatuated with. I dare say that you are in love with the *idea* of this other woman, not the woman herself. Please, recommit yourself to your wife and don't look back! Don't buy flowers or a card for this other woman. It doesn't matter if it's her birthday or not. It's not your responsibility to bring her happiness or fix her life. Let her go and let God help her and give her everything she needs. She has done you a favor by cutting off contact, because by continuing to see her and entertain ideas about her, you could very well have been on the brink of having an affair. Your commitment is to your wife and your family, so please, go buy your wife some roses and a nice card. Write something heartfelt. Then delete this woman's information and put it out of your mind. Read your Bible and fellowship at church with other believers who are strong in their faith. It's not a sin to be tempted, but it is a sin to give in and we are supposed to run away from temptation! Sometimes, being "cut off" can actually be a good thing, and this is one of those times. God bless.

      • profile image

        Aaron 

        11 months ago

        Hey Nicole, you probably do not recall me or my story-but its basically my best friend and only friend at that time abandoning me supposedly for good five months earlier.

        I learned to live without him, and even identified the problems in the relationship-both mine and his. Its horrifying to note that not only we had a negative soul tie, but he too has numerous negative soul ties with various of his friends and spouse from the messages we used to send one another.

        It feels hurtful knowing I got the short end of the stick though, that I was sincerely the only one cut off and disregarded as I did not have any other friends but him-I did suspect he indirectly or directly manipulated it to be so so he can get a clean get away.

        That being said, I could be wrong, but after deciding to check it up after a long while of abstaining from him, I feel like its pretty much spot on. I suspect its also cause Im a christian and the devil is indirectly using that to cause him to not be delivered from his bondages.

        I seriously want to help him out now that I am better, even though majority of the people would probably just dump and throw him aside if he did what he did to me to them. I even prayed about it and believed I receive numerous confirmation that this relationship will be ressurected and restored better than before.

        That being said, its not encouraging knowing that besides this relationship, you do not have stable Godly relationships (or they are just in the beginning stage) and numerous of other issues which I do not wish to say.

        It does not help knowing your parents, whom are the only ones who know you since young, are extremely against the idea of this relationship being restored alongside other promises. It also does not help knowing that these parents have abused you in the past and mistreated/judged you. Sometimes I do not even know if I should listen to them.

        Overall, I learnt to do better with Christ who is now closer to me than ever, and I have to forgive everyone on a daily basis and hope for the best case scenarios in Christ.

        I pray that everyone here receives confirmation whether to keep praying and believing for ressurection or just dumping any hope for the relationship and focusing on someone else.

        Everyone has to move on nonetheless as even if the relationship gets ressurected-I highly doubt the person or even yourself will be the same person you know back then especially since this abandonment has happened.

        Still, for my case. I do not know what I should even do, asking Christ whether I myself should attempt reconciliation after all these months or remain silent if its not the right time. Its pretty dismaying and lonely especially knowing that even though you changed, many circumstances including those outside the relationship are termed “in the process of changing” but in the natural it does not seem much is happening.

        Its also kind of horrific knowing that your ex-friend has negative soul ties in the past and currently with not just you, but with numerous others and its potentially killing and agonising all of them.

        I do not know what to even do, I mean Im praying, but should I even take action??? They said faith without works is dead but at the same time, we cannot go ahead of God’s timing.

        I wish to hear an answer from Christ himself, its just sad. I can listen to so and so but I do not know for sure if that’s a sure sign of what I should do.

      • profile image

        Andrew 

        11 months ago

        Dear Nicole,

        I was very moved by your words and especially about praying for the friend that is gone from your life.

        I've recently had an experience that has shaken me to my core -- I would appreciate any thought or comments you may have.

        Many years ago, I met and fell in love with Jennifer -- we were each other's first love; she was 19, I was 21. We dated for a few months, I spent a week with her family in early May of 1973 and then we were apart until the end of that summer. In late August, she drove 650 km from her home to visit me at our family summer home; I so looked forward to seeing her, I could hardly stand the wait! The first thing she told me when she saw me was that she wanted to break-up and see what other men were like. I was absolutely heart-broken; she is the only woman I've ever cried over. We saw each other a number of times during the following year, but despite always seeming to be happy to see me, she always somehow kept me at arm's length. There was something enigmatic about her, I could never be quite sure what she felt or meant, but there seemed a strange 'push-me, pull-me' at play that I couldn't understand. I came to the conclusion she just wasn't in love with me and so before Christmas 1974, I left to go home. I figured if she wanted me, she had my addresses and would contact me -- we had written each other many letters and it seemed like a reasonable assumption. In 1975 I began a new phase of my life, time passed, but I never heard anything more from her. The decades flew by -- I got married, had children, worked at my career; but I never forgot her.

        Then in early October, 2017, I found her name and e-mail; Jennifer was working in a town fairly close to where I lived -- I sent her an e-mail, and we agreed to meet. Forty three years had passed since I last saw her, I was now 66 and she was 64 -- but none of that mattered; when I looked into her eyes, I was 22 and suddenly I was in love again, only more than ever. It felt as though I was spiralling down from a precipice in slow-motion! We talked for hours over dinner; what I learned overwhelmed me with every emotion I could feel: love, tenderness, an incredible sense of compassion and a desire to help and protect this beloved woman. Although she was a medical doctor, she was deeply unhappy, her personal life scarred with traumas. She had two sons she had raised alone -- her 'ex', never married her and then abandoned her during her second pregnancy; she had a nervous breakdown in 2000; she was a cancer survivor with a first mastectomy in 2006 and a second in 2015. She had lost all her hair following chemotherapy; it was now a pepper-and-salt gray from her original dark brown. Her sons had left home for University, she had never married and was now very, very lonely.

        My heart leapt out to her, I was desperate to take away even a little of her pain -- but what could I do? I was married! We started texting, saw each other for dinner a few times -- everything seemed fine, there was so much to catch-up on! Then in early December, without warning, she cut-off all communication with me without explanation. For days I was in agony not knowing what had happened; when she finally texted me, she told me that she needed to keep her distance from me for the sake of my marriage! Ever since we met, she had been very curious about my marriage -- I told her I was married with a family 5 minutes after we first met -- yet, she kept asking whether I was happy, and seemed curious about the nature of my relationship with my wife, Ruth. I had never told Ruth about Jennifer, as I didn't think anything was to be gained -- we had never done anything more than hold hands, so there was nothing really to tell! There was no question, however, that I was again in love with Jennifer; yes, I was now in love with two women, one from my past, the other from my present! Jennifer also told me she too was still in love with me. Still, I was honest: I told her I could never leave Ruth -- I could never do to her what Jenny's ex had done. Her constant needling about my marriage finally resulted in me telling Ruth about everything that had happened; although she was surprised, she was also very understanding -- she trusted me! We had made a life together for 35 years, and we weren't about to throw that away. In the end, after much turmoil, Jenny and I seemed to come to an agreement. By the end of January, 2018 we resumed texting, though less frequently, finally met again for dinner and a concert in late February; things seemed back to 'normal'. Then, at the end of February, her older son got a job on the other side of the continent -- she was obviously distressed as her sons were her only family. She went to visit him and attended a conference afterwards in March; following her return, I heard nothing more from her except a terse e-mail saying that I was married, with a family and that she had no part in that.

        I had assumed we were going to stay friends for the rest of our days, that I could be there for her -- I would do anything for her, short of leaving Ruth! But, there it was: she cut me off without warning, without explanation and has not replied to any phone calls/texts/e-mails since. I feel devastated, hollow and empty -- I never saw it coming! Since re-connecting with her last October, I have found her even more enigmatic than ever: she thinks a great deal, but says little. The same 'push-me, pull-me' tendency is there except it seems now more Jekyll and Hyde. To this day, I don't know why she never contacted me during all those years apart, but she seems to blame me for not having contacted her; she seems to have suggested she was 'waiting' for me during her medical school training, but she never contacted me to say so! I feel torn with guilt that I hadn't contacted her in the early 80's when we were both still single -- I would gladly have married her without a second thought and certainly never left her. How different our lives would have been! Worse of all, I can't get rid of a growing certainty that she was the person I had been 'meant' to marry; seeing her again, I have come to realize she is the only woman I have ever truly loved with all my heart and soul -- which is a devastating realization given that I'm married! I still don't know whether she ever really loved me or now just regrets leaving me because she has no one else. I was so convinced God had brought us together for a reason -- we have been living and working for decades within 100 km of each other; her kids went to university in the town I live in and the younger son works there still. Such things don't happen by coincidence. Our lives have been moving in close yet, non-intersecting circles until now. And now that I have found her again, she has broken off all contact! I don't know what to think: is this a consequence of her traumas, cancer, the chemotherapy, a borderline personality disorder, abandonment and hardship, all of the above?? I just can't understand her behaviour -- we're not young anymore; isn't having someone who cares for you better than being alone?

        I do believe in God and I believe that He is in control of our lives; but I also know that her days may be numbered -- two rounds of cancer, nine years apart doesn't bode well. I would so much like to give her some joy, bring her some happiness, but I'm at a complete loss as to what to do. I have written her a few text messages since April, to let her know that I pray for her and her sons and that she is in my heart and thoughts, but have not received any reply. Her silence seems to suggest I should leave her alone; I intend to send her flowers and a card for her birthday in June, but if I don't hear back, I intend to stop contacting her afterwards.

        I am at a complete loss; what did I do wrong? How could a miracle like finding one another after forty-three years be cast away like so much trash? I pray that God will reveal His will to me, as right now all is darkness...I am so desperate for some good to come from this.

        I love this woman more than life itself; but I haven't a clue what to think, or what to do...

        Thank you for any advice or thoughts you may have.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        11 months ago

        Sara,

        You stated, "I just have a hard time forgetting about the friendship. I wish I hadn't dedicated my 4 years of life to this one person. I have faith in God that He will help me get through but it may take some time and hopefully not too long..." I wanted to address this part of your comment. It can be so tempting to think you have wasted those four years of your life by pouring into this friendship. I have had similar feelings before as well. Truthfully, though, we all need to focus on what's true and right, and the reality is that anytime you invest in a friendship in this life, you learn and grow as a person, and become who you are meant to be. So please don't think of those four years as a waste of time. Also, God never EVER wastes anything that we go through, *especially* when we go through painful experiences in life. He will use it to His glory, if you allow Him to. I'm glad to hear that you do have other healthy friendships and that you're getting the support you need right now to get through this. One day at a time, and whenever this person pops into your head, take a minute to pray for them. "...The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."James 5:16. Don't lose hope :)

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        11 months ago

        Audrey,

        Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. I truly cherish uplifting and supportive people! God bless and thanks again for taking the time to be a blessing.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        11 months ago

        Holly,

        Eight years is a long time to be best friends with someone! I want to start by saying that I'm truly sorry to hear the hurt this whole situation has caused you. It is never easy dealing with these types of scenarios, but the fact that she's a family member makes it even tougher. You asked, "Besides ignoring her is there another way to deal with this situation and how do I get past this knowing we will always be in each other’s lives because of family?" Honestly, that is a difficult question. Were you ever able to address any of the problems in the friendship with her? For example, you mentioned that she never remembered your birthday and you usually paid when you went out to restaurants. Could you possibly go out to coffee with her and address these things? I would sit down with her, and lay it out there. Speak the truth in love. Say, "You know, I have always made it a point to remember your birthday, and it hurt me in the past that you did not reciprocate that. I also don't mind paying for lunch sometimes, but the following time I would like you to pay, to make it fair. I do miss your friendship, but until these things are worked out, it is just too difficult for me not to feel hurt and resentful." If she still comes back with petty and mean responses like "You're weak", then I would say, ok see you at the next gathering and goodbye. At that point, you tried your best and that's really all you can do. Be polite to her at family functions, say hi, and move on. She seems like she has some maturing to do. Pray over it and definitely give the outcome over to God. I hope it works out!

      • profile image

        Sara 

        11 months ago

        Recently my friendship ended with a "best friend." We had known each for good 4 years. I was the one always there from her family problems, to relationships. to her education transition, to anything a part of her life. I was the one to be there always. I had gotten myself way too attached to her and her family. This year she decided to start seeing her old friends in which for some reason all of them don't like me. I had a career change myself this year and she wasn't able to handle my problems for few months. She started to believe that I was becoming toxic. when actually in reality I was tired of handling all her problems for 4 years but I just never said anything because as a good human being I just wanted to help her and be there. It has been 1 month since she decided to cut the friendship off. I tried contacting her and all she says to me is "it is my life. my choice. my journey. when and if I want to have you in my life and when I am ready I will tell you myself." She also says words such as "thank God I am no longer you freind." I tried even apologizing from my end. I did everything possible. There is nothing I can do. I just have a hard time forgetting about the friendship. I wish I hadn't dedicated my 4 years of life to this one person. I have faith in God that He will help me get through but it may take some time and hopefully not too long. I do have friends that are supporting me and helping me get through this rough time as well. If any suggestions do let me know. thank you.

      • vocalcoach profile image

        Audrey Hunt 

        11 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Such a tough situation to be in. Yes, it's painful, but what marvelous advice you've presented here for handling an experience like this. Well done!

      • profile image

        Holly 

        11 months ago

        I have a weird situation where the best friend I cut off is related to me. Its been about 3 years since I walked away but I still find myself hurting and when I read articles like this it’s always in the perspective of the friend who was walked out on and never of the friend who walked away.

        This was s toxic friendship I had to escape from. Everything was about her. We were best friends for 8 years she couks never remember my birthday and I often paid when we did go out. Whenever she would get upset with me she would disappear, ignore my calls or texts for weeks then reappear like nothing happened. Often I was to blame for everything and she often used social media to portray how great she was doing while ignoring me then when we’re friends again I’m not doing things to help. She often described me as weak and how I should be more like her and how strong she was and I wasn’t.

        I started seeing a therapist after becoming really down and focused on bringing myself up and into a positive place. When I started seeing a therapist she stopped talking to me. Then when we had a disagreement she would say this is why I’m so crazy and why I need help. I literally walked away when she referred to me again as weak. I got up and walked away. Unlike this article and the other commenters she never reached out to me. I would see her at family events and she would say hi and I would say hi and that was it. I was upset and hurting and wanted to maintain distance with her. We ran into each other on my birthday and I started crying and talking about how hurt I was and she looked at me completely emotionless and said well it’s your fault all I said was you’re weak. I felt stupid and decided I was truly fine with her. I texted her I did not want to be friends with her and I’m not sorry for anything. She never responded. 6 or so Months later she texted my sister telling her to tell me to call her. I thought It was weird she couldn’t call me herself so I didn’t call her. Months after that I found out she was pregnant I debated for a few weeks then decided to text her. Congratulations I wish you the best”. She responded I wish you the best as well.

        Months after that I saw her a few times at family events and her behavior has been bizarre. She goes out of her way to ignore me but in a “I want you to see I’m ignoring you way” she’ll pass my table, stare at me or just appear miserable and snotty. I try to ignore her but every time a family member on her side will comment on how ridiculous it is that we used to be best friends and now we don’t speak. I leave this events feeling sad and to blame for everything. I often contemplate reaching out to her despite her never having reached out to me. And I just can’t take it anymore. Of everything I know about her, I know she is petty and has a need to prove something or to show how much better she’s doing despite the fact that she’s the problem. Besides ignoring her is there another way to deal with this situation and how do I get past this knowing we will always be in each other’s lives because of family? It’s been 3 years I walked away yet I still feel so much hurt and anxiety regarding this friendship.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        11 months ago

        Anonymous,

        Wow, what a painful situation. You said you don't know what to do. Well, you came to the right place as there are a lot of others here who are in the same boat as you, and I too have obviously experienced it! Pray for your friend! Give up the situation to God. Then wait. That is really all you can do. If, looking honestly at the situation, you did not do anything wrong that you know of and you tried to be a good friend, then there's nothing more you can do. Perhaps someday, this person will come back around and the whole thing will get resolved. I hope so. If not, trust that it happened for a reason and do your best to move on. Wishing you many blessings and encouragement today!

      • profile image

        anon 

        11 months ago

        So this very close friend of mine cut me off fairly recently, and I definitely had no idea what was happening until today; I lost my phone Tuesday, so I obviously can't get any messages. I tried talking to her Wednesday and she would look me in the eye and not reply which at first made me think "can she not hear me?" but then it became consistent, like in the halls and when we had encounters alone. For example, this morning she was at a locker near mine and i asked her if i had done anything wrong and why she was ignoring me but she just laughed and walked away. I later asked a mutual friend of ours whats wrong with her and he simply stated "She said she texted you that she doesn't f with you anymore" and I was and still am really confused. He went on to say that she was talking to everyone about how I was fake and a horrible friend and that she cut me off because i went against her wishes about being friends with someone. Now here's where things get iffy - anyone who knows the real story (she does too) knows that she specifically stated she does not care about any of her friends friendship with this person as long as they do not talk to her directly. Exact words "I don't care if you guys talk, are best friends, aren't friends, just keep them away from me," and I only know this because she mentioned this multiple times before AND we had a text conversation, so... I was really tripped on that. I don't understand how a person could do such a thing, she was one of my closest friends and she back stabbed me and is throwing me under the bus for a fake issue... But, I don't know what to do!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        11 months ago

        Kelly,

        Oh man, I'm so sorry your friend was so unsupportive and ended up cutting you off like that. It sounds like with the issues going on in her own relationship, she projected onto you and couldn't handle it. Maybe she was afraid you would make similar mistakes that she did, etc? Who knows. How do you move on, you ask? Well, it is kind of like the break-up of a romantic relationship, in the sense that someone who was a big part of your life is now no longer in the picture.... and that can be a difficult adjustment, for certain! In time, the wound will get easier to bear, although I have to say that the hurt never fully goes away. As you nurture other friendships and your relationship with God, your heart can begin the healing process. Hang in there!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        11 months ago

        Jean,

        I'm so sorry to hear about your coworker friend who deleted you from FB. I wonder what scared him off? I had a situation like that once too, with a coworker, before I was married. We got to be great friends at work and would go out to lunch together sometimes. We decided to have dinner together at a restaurant one night. Then he stood me up! I was laid off from the company, but years later, ended up working there again. I tried to ask him what happened, but he never acknowledged it! It was so weird! He added me again on FB while I was employed by the company. But then I got pregnant and that job ended (I was covering for another employee who was on maternity leave). He deleted me again once I was not working for the company anymore. Bizarre! I guess we will sometimes never know what is going through a person's mind. We may just have to trust that God is working things out for the best!

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        12 months ago

        Maegan,

        I realized I never responded to your question. I think if only one day has passed without contact, the person may just want a break, like you said. Or they may just be busy or forgetful. If you text someone, for example, and they don't respond right away (or at all) they may have just gotten busy and forgotten to respond. I'm not sure if that's what you're referring to, but I hope everything works out with your friend :)

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        12 months ago

        Belle,

        I know what you mean about tainted memories. I do try to focus on the good though, and consider that those times were still special and important in shaping the person I am today. But it is hard to look back and realize that the person you thought you knew, may not be the same as you thought. Keep your chin up.

      • profile image

        Kellygirl89 

        12 months ago

        I had a best friend for 40 years. Her husband cheated on her and I found out about it first, but just days before she did. I felt horrible for her and my heart broke. Her husband turned it around to make me look like the bad guy. She started yelling at me and telling me how bad my boyfriend was to me and what a piece of garbage he was. I knew she was hurting and needed someone to blame. I stood by her and told her that if she loved him and wanted to give him a second chance that was her choice. Eventually, I confronted her and said how she hurt me with her comments about my boyfriend, who isn't perfect and neither am I, but I love him. I would never tell her I hated her husband, even though I did. I mean, he cheated on her for years with more than one woman. This was in her home and her bed. We finally patched things up and I really thought our friendship was unbreakable. A few months had passed and I got engaged. I told her the news and she said she didn't approve. Okay? Later we picked a wedding date and I hesitated to tell her, because I knew how she felt. Eventually I did. She ended our friendship. I am totally crushed. I have been friends with her for, since the 3rd grade and we never fought and were so close. I cried my heart out. I still can't believe her. She was a big part of my world and she just cut me off. How do you move on from that?

      • profile image

        Jean 

        12 months ago

        Hi Nicole,

        Thank you, your article is comforting. Although I don't put much stock in FB, I too had a recent unfriending that I just don't understand. But this refers to a guy friend that I used to work with. A couple of years ago when we met, and worked together, it was like working with an angel. What I mean is...I was going through a terrible time with my ex-husband..(he was unaware of this however)...but working with him comforted me. He was such a gentleman. Of course, a crush ensued. I could tell he had feelings for me as well. He was younger though, and shy. However, the connection was there, no doubt.

        When stopped working together, he reached out to me about 8 months later, he friended me on FB, sent me a private message on FB & gave me his phone number. Needless to say, we just stayed friends. I contacted him a few months ago for his birthday & he responded.

        Now 2 months later, I go on FB & he pops up on FB at the same time, 5 minutes later he deleted me! I have no idea why?! I'm hurt because it's as if he saw that I was active, and got rid of me at that very moment. I know he has a history of anxiety & has struggled with it to a great degree. But this hurts nonetheless!

      • profile image

        Belle8bete 

        12 months ago

        I’m suffering right now in a similar situation. She was in my wedding a few years back (we were the best best best friends in college) and she has just ignored me for a couple of years. I reached out and said “I feel like you are avoiding me (or maybe you are busy) but I miss you and would like to catch up. I feel disconnected and am not sure why.”

        Never heard back and found out she unfriended me on fb. It’s bewildering. I keep trying to figure out all the things that could have made her do this but really the issue lies with her, not me. It hurts a lot though and I feel like a lot of good memories are tainted now.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        12 months ago

        Hi Kim,

        I love that bible verse you referenced! Yes, it is so hurtful when a friend you love and have so much in common with decides to cut you off. Sometimes it takes a great deal of time before that friendship can be restored, and sometimes it is still never the same as it once was. However, all things are certainly possible with the Lord! Praying for you and the friend you are missing. At least you know you've done all you could and that it's in the Lord's hands now!

      • profile image

        Kim Wiggins 

        13 months ago

        I thank God for you and what you said. I had a friend who I cherished and I felt we had so much in common with each other. I said somethings to her that she felt hurt her feelings. I apologized over and over again. I told her that I was angry and hurt too. She stopped taking my calls and my messages. I finally talked to her and she was still cold to me. I tried everything. You gave the greatest advice pray. God says in his word pray for those that despitefully use you.

        I know I have loved her, I know I have given to her from my heart ❤️ and tried to be a loving friend. I pray that one day she will in return forgive me. I pray peace for her and me and I pray love and prosperity. I can move on now knowing it was a season and just like the weather seasons pass.

        Thank you again this was so helpfull and reassuring.

      • profile image

        maegan 

        13 months ago

        me and my friend are still friends but she doesnt talk to me for one day and like we were talking just fine the day before do they not want to be my friend or does she want a break

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        14 months ago

        Hi Alannah,

        You make some valid points. A person should definitely make sure that he or she is being a good friend and that the friendship is mutually supportive. However, you mentioned that to this day, she probably "still doesn't know" why you cut her out of your life. It would be beneficial if you explained to her why you ended the friendship, so that she could hopefully learn from that and not repeat those mistakes in future friendships.

      • profile image

        Alannah 

        14 months ago

        I've been the one to cut a friendship off before and sometimes it really is the other person's fault. Sometimes frustration builds up over time or you realize that your "friend" isn't really a true friend or a healthy influence in your life. In my case the person talked behind my back constantly but was sweet to my face, she didn't know all the people she talked about me to were coming and telling me everything she said. Our entire friendship was basically her using me for emotional support for all the drama she created in her life, but being a crappy friend in return. It was constant negativity and she made everything about her, no matter the situation. It was exhausting. Then she acted shocked when I finally cut her out of my life, after years of tolerating her, and still to this day probably doesn't know why I did it. People like that are never capable of understanding that they are the problem. I do pray she matures and is able to change one day, but I also don't want her back in life, I will wish her well from afar.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        14 months ago

        Dear M,

        I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. It can be so difficult when a long-time friend chooses new friends rather than you, a person who has stood faithfully by their side for so long. I would definitely nurture other friendships and distance myself a bit from her, since she seems to be going through a phase of spending more time with this new group. Pray for her. If the friendship comes back around, then good, but it may never be the same as it once was. All you can do is be close with the people in your life who cherish that closeness and really appreciate you being in their lives. Best wishes and prayers going out to you!

      • profile image

        14 months ago

        I have a BFF whom I even consider a sister. We have great bonding and we usually communicated with each other every single day or catch up with her like 2-3x a week to meet her just to know I’m still there despite the career change I’m going thru. She manages her own company (under a family business) while I’m doing a start-up company on my own. Our friendship isn’t perfect it’s we have ups and downs, until one day. She was hanging with a group of new friends. It all started from there. I tried reaching out to her but she seems to be a completely different person, she would text me from time to time until she introduced me with her new friends. It didn’t really go well. As that day was intended to catch up on her as she said and I was surprised to know she had other plans. It hurt me. I wasn’t included and told me to change and adjusts because she had new friends. I was devasted with her actions. I talked to her after those days she seems still off though I poured my heart out of what I felt. She become a stranger asking me to have a schedule with her before meeting up or even to text her. I was completely shut off. I didn’t understand what is happening and it’s really bringing a lot of pain after 7years of friendship I felt like I was a gadget when a new thing comes out you dispose it. She knew me more than any of my friends and family could have known, I shared my soul with her and here I am feeling lonely and don’t know what to do because my best friend has become a stranger to me and it hurts me the most more than those foes, back stabbers and arguements with other friends or even family or even my those who broke my heart. The worst feeling I felt so far, more than those accumulated heartbreaks.

        Your arcticle helps me in grieving and I’m still processing what had just happened, she chose those 1 month new found friend over a 7year friendship. I’m not perfect but atleast I deserve an explaination rather that a Cold War of unknown.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        14 months ago

        Gabby,

        I'm so glad the light at the end of the tunnel seems closer now. There is definitely always hope! God is only a prayer away. Sounds cheesy, but it's true! Surround yourself with people who love you and pour into the ones who are thankful for your presence in their lives. God bless :)

      • profile image

        Gabby Ynostroza 

        14 months ago

        To whoever you are, thank you so very much for this beautiful post. I think I cried about 10 times while reading it lol..

        I lost my best friend just 6 months ago and it's been one of the hardest things I've had to endure. I've been having a really hard time letting go and accepting that she's no longer a part of my life. My depression has been swallowing me up since we fell off last year and I've never felt more lost and out of place.

        I really needed this. Your post gave me some hope and the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't seem so far away anymore.

        Thank you again and god bless(:

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        14 months ago

        Tia,

        You're welcome. So glad to hear you're growing in Christ. Leaning on Him is so important, especially when going through something as painful as a friend cutting you off. Blessings as you navigate this time and may God give you comfort and peace, as only He knows how!

      • profile image

        Tia 

        14 months ago

        Thank you so much for sharing, this help me greatly. I'm on a journey of continuous growth with Christ.Ive been going through this.

      • kiddiecreations profile imageAUTHOR

        Nicole K 

        14 months ago

        Confused,

        The response of your talent agent/friend does seem very confusing. Sometimes it's really hard (or impossible) for us to understand someone's rationale in a certain situation. It does seem like there might be some jealousy on her part. I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope things will get better with this friendship soon. Blessings. Praying for you on this!

      • profile image

        Confused 

        15 months ago

        One of my good friends is also my talent agent. Her best friend is her Photographer and partner for the agency that she’s invited me multiple times to hang out with her partner and other business associates and friends. I’ve done a lot of favors for video recording and editing when she’s needed it, no regrets, just information.

        Her partner and I (he’s gay and married by the way) Get along fabulously, he is truly an incredible person. Last night I stop by the agency, my agent and her two assistants (one is her daughter) were there and invited me to go to dinner with them along with the partner . I went to long, though I was on my way to a basketball game to see a guy that I’m dating play, and had an extra ticket because my son did not want to go. Since my agent had her daughter with her I invited her partner in the moment and after dinner we went to the game .

        Now today my agent that she no longer wants to be friends because she needs to compartmentalize , but then changed her story to say that we could be friends but she didn’t want me being friends with anyone that she knows because it’s getting too close to her personal life .... even though she has invited me to spend time with them repeatedly including inviting me to his birthday party.

        I’m heartbroken . Dinner even remarked that for once in my life I feel like I had a group of people around me that while some friendships are new and others are more established that they were people who liked me for me and were supportive and encouraging .

        This does not fall under the category of poaching friends because in no way have we left her out or exclude, in fact before she sent me this text today I had seen her and offered to buy tickets to our sons baseball banquet (played for same team) in part because she is my friend and I did only have one ticket basketball team game and thought it rude to invite her while she had her daughter with her and would not be able to go

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