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How to Handle It When A Friend Cuts You Off

Updated on March 22, 2014

When A Friend Cuts You Off, It Really Hurts....

I speak from experience when I say that when a friend suddenly cuts you out of his or her life, it can be devastating...

Here, I will share some steps you can take to deal with the heartbreak, forgive, and move on with your life - with or without the friend who hurt you.

Remember, in Your Grieving, Not to Despair

Don't lose hope. Your friend may not be speaking to you right now, but that doesn't mean the friendship will never, ever be re-kindled in the future.

  • Try to accept that, for now, your friendship with this person is on hold, for whatever reason.
  • Even though it hurts you very deeply, and you have to go through the grieving process, remember that all things are possible with God
  • Someday your friendship could very well be restored.
  • Have hope and faith, and put it in the Lord's hands as to whether you become friends again in the future.

You Had Some Good Times Together... So Allow Yourself to Grieve

Losing a friend to a broken friendship is kind of like the break-up of a romantic relationship, or even comparable to a death. You have lost someone dear to you. That person who you used to be close with, is no longer in your life, or at least, not at this time. It hurts. Really bad. Knowing this, allow yourself the time you need to grieve the loss of your friend. You have some good memories of this person, and it hurts to remember the special times the two of you shared, but as you look back, try to remember that you gained some valuable lessons from this friendship, and it was a blessing to have this person in your life, even if it was just for a season.

Remember, It Probably Isn't Your Fault

When my friendship of 10+ years with my best friend suddenly became broken, I was heartbroken. We had known each other since high school, and I had always looked up to her. Now, all of a sudden, she had cut me out of her life, without any explanation.

Deleted from Facebook. Not answering my calls or texts. Simply. Gone.

It hurt. I cried and grieved, and I wondered, "What did I do wrong? Did I somehow cause this?"

Through this experience, however, I've learned that even a best friend can have issues or struggles you may not be aware of.

Chances are, if this person is cutting you off out of the blue, after years of being friends, then there is a deeper problem that you have not been made privy to. So don't blame yourself. As difficult as it is to stop wracking your brain, thinking of what you could have done to prevent this moment, it is happening, and there's (most likely) nothing you did to cause it. It is something going on with your friend, and you have nothing to do with it at all, so don't punish yourself.

Reach Out One More Time, Then Let It Go

If you have tried to reach out to your friend multiple times, without getting a response back, it may be time to accept it and move on. But maybe you could just reach out one more time.

When my best friend announced that she could no longer speak to me after 10+ years of friendship, I tried calling her and texting her right away, with no response. I left her a voicemail, but heard nothing back from her. I saw that she had deleted me on Facebook, which really hurt. I emailed her, but never got a response.

I let some time pass, for both of our sakes. After a few weeks without speaking, I decided to reach out to my friend one more time. I sent a hand-written card to her, explaining how much her friendship meant to me and how hurt I was over what had transpired. I told her I would always wish the best for her and her family. At this time, I did not hear anything back... But that's not the end of the story.

Pray for Your Friend

Pray for your friend. I know it sounds crazy. This person, who was one of your best friends, confidants, and allies, has hurt you deeply and profoundly. So it does seem counter-intuitive to pray for them. But try it. Pray God will bless this person, and help them to overcome what trial or hardship is going on in their life at this moment.

Pray for healing for your friend, and for restoration of the friendship, if it is God's will. As long as you are burdened by the broken friendship, continue to pray about it, giving it over to the Lord. Pray that the person will make contact with you, and restore the relationship, if possible. But most of all, pray for the person to be healed, comforted, encouraged, blessed, and be made right with the Lord.

Forgive Your Friend

This goes along with praying for your friend, because as you pray for him/her, your heart will become softer and more open to forgiving. As difficult as it is to forgive this person who hurt you so much, it's necessary. Not only does God command us to forgive others as He has forgiven us, but it also releases the forgiver from the bondage of holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness, which can be debilitating if not dealt with.

So, forgive that person, not because they deserve it, but because God calls us to and because you will destroy yourself in the process if you hold onto bitterness in your heart.

Easy Ways to Nurture Friendships

  • Call a friend. Talk on the phone to get to know them better
  • Plan a day to hang out and go to the movies
  • Work out with a friend at the gym
  • Invite a friend to go swimming
  • Ask a friend out to lunch
  • Buy a small gift for a friend, to let them know you care
  • Write a note or postcard to a friend, so they know you were thinking of them
  • Text a friend just to say hi and ask how they are doing

Nurture Other Friendships

It can be very difficult to accept that your friendship has ended, or has been put on hold, with someone who has been very special in your life. You may have spent a lot of time with this person in the past, and now you are probably at a loss as to who to hang out with, who to call when you need a shoulder to cry on, and so on. Perhaps you do have a lot of other friends, but none compared in your heart or mind to this person.

I know the feeling. When my friend cut me out of her life, it wasn't as though I didn't have any other friends. I actually had a substantial group of friends from college who I was really close to, and I wasn't even living in the same area as my friend anymore. I would visit her every few months when I came home to see my brothers and my parents, and we would always have great talks and good times together. I'd call her on the phone (or she would call me) at least once a week to catch up. I considered her one of my best, oldest, and dearest friends, so it came as quite a shock to suddenly be cut out of her life.

Something I learned through this experience, however, is that friendships often exist in our lives for a certain season of time. Sure, there are some friends who you can hang out with after not seeing for two years, and it will be like you never went a day without speaking. But I believe some friends are in our lives for a certain season only, and that's also OK. Through this, I learned to nurture the other friendships that I had, and I became much closer with other friends who live closeby, who I have more in common with now anyway.

My Story's Conclusion

After about 6 months of not speaking, and much prayer, continually surrendering the situation to the Lord, I had pretty much given up on ever hearing from my friend again.

However, she finally contacted me one day, completely out of the blue. She e-mailed to let me know that she had gotten my card in the mail, which I had sent all those months back. She said she had been busy and that the real reason she had not contacted me in so long was because of some issues in her life that she had not been able to tell me in all the years we had been friends. The issues were deep-seated and genuinely had nothing to do with me. I was totally shocked that in all our years of friendship, she had never shared any of this with me. She said that due to the issues (which I won't divulge here for sake of privacy), we could be in contact but our friendship would most likely never be the same, since she was going to need to get professional help for her problems.

Since then, we have emailed back and forth a few times, but things are not like they used to be. I've learned not to put people onto pedestals, as we are all human beings and we all have certain struggles and trials in our lives that we must deal with. I have moved on, and I now continue to nurture the friendships that are most dear and treasured in my life right now. While I forgive her and wish her well, I no longer look to that friendship to provide the fulfillment in my life that it once did.

Ultimately, we must look to God above anyone else in our lives, and realize that God will be a closer friend to us than any person on this earth! Someday, perhaps my friendship with this individual will be restored to what it once was, but I leave that in God's hands, to do what He pleases, according to His will.

I hope that sharing my story and advice helps anyone who is hurting over a broken friendship. Blessings to you!

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    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 3 weeks ago

      Jay,

      Friendship is a two-way street, so both parties do need to make some effort to care about one another. Communicating how you're feeling would be a good step, but if that doesn't work, it makes sense not to continue being friends with someone who is not interested in showing concern for you as well (not just only their own interests).

      God bless

    • profile image

      Jay 3 weeks ago

      I cut off contact with someone I cared deeply about. Whenever I told her what was troubling me, she never really cared or responded.

      One day I cut off contact.

    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 4 weeks ago

      Anonymous,

      I see what you're saying about your friend. I can understand how you might feel like your relationship with her was making you stressed out if your whole friendship was mostly about her telling you her problems constantly, etc. At the same time, maybe communicating that to her would have been a good option as well. You mentioned that everyone in your life said you should cut her off, but you didn't mention whether or not you told her that the way she treated you as her "therapist" (as you put it) was stressful for you. Maybe she was just going through a hard time and needed some additional support? But if you had explained that it was causing you stress, instead of telling her you wanted to cut off contact, might she have possibly understood that? It also sounds like you were still upset about the time that she cut you off for a period of time beforehand, and that your feelings about that were never really discussed. I think a lot of our problems in relationships stem from lack of proper communication. If someone's friendship is valuable enough to the other person, then it's worth communicating about any issues and resolving them, rather than throwing the whole friendship out the window. However, if you do communicate the issues and the person is still unwilling to see your perspective or work on their negative behaviors, at that point it might be necessary to take more drastic measures. Just my thoughts on the topic. And of course, there are two sides to every story just like you stated. Also, sometimes friendships tend to come back around when both people are at different stages in life, and possibly both at a healthier place.

      Vicky,

      I'm so sorry to hear you've been in this situation for the past three years. I'm sure that has been stressful for you. I hope this hub has been of some encouragement and comfort as you deal with this issue in your life.

    • profile image

      Vicky 5 weeks ago

      I have been in this situation for almost three years..

    • profile image

      Anon 5 weeks ago

      I'm the one who cut off my best friend from my life. There's always two sides to the story though. The reason I cut her off was because 1, I was advised by pretty much everyone to do so - and 2, because she was mean and hurtful to me in her response to my note for her.

      Basically, I wanted to have some space from her because I wanted to know if she was the one really causing me stress and anxiety in my life. I didn't say this however because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I said I was going through a hard time in my life and that for just a little while to not have contact. I wished her well and everything. I didn't want to end the friendship - which is the important part of the story. Then, her response was 'If that's how you feel then I'm done with you'. (from what I remember as I deleted her messages).

      So to me and close people in my life said that she wasn't worth keeping in my life if she couldn't have sympathy and understanding. She put it onto me that I was the selfish one and that she didn't understand why I'd do that to her when she was going through a really hard time in her life too. I was hurt by her response because she essentially meant that she wouldn't want to continue the friendship if I wanted a pause. I was made out to be the horrible cruel one when in fact that wasn't the case. She lashed out, and in effect was horrible to me. She consequently sent me 2 other messages which I didn't respond to because I didn't know how to handle it - I didn't know why she'd be so harsh and everything. People around me told me to block her on everything. I did - and although I felt bad, it felt necessary. She even got a friend to message me to blame me for hurting her etc... I never felt so attacked before. I didn't want to take behavior like that from her, or from anyone.

      That's why I cut her out, because she showed that she really didn't care about me. I could no longer be her therapist, as essentially that was what I was most of the time. I am no saint of course, but I don't see myself as being completely wrong in my case. I just couldn't deal with her pity party. There was a time when she cut me off from her life, and I was hurt bad by that. I took her back, and although I don't regret that, in hindsight I should have not.

      To conclude, in some cases it's not out of spite and malice. It's just how some people deal with certain situations. The other person can't blame the one who cut contact if they were the one to initiate the reaction in the first place.

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      Anonymous 6 weeks ago

      This helped me so much. I was recently cut off abruptly by someone who I considered as a good friend. Surprisingly, the last conversation that we had prior to the breakup ended on a happy note. I looked forward to creating many more memories with her, but the feeling wasn't mutual. It hurt for a while, but I think I'm finally starting to heal. I had to remember that some people aren't meant to be in my life forever. Instead of being angry with her, I'm appreciative that she finally showed me her true colors. I'll miss her dearly, but I must move on and focus on those who will cherish me and my friendship. Thank you for sharing this!

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      Tabby 7 weeks ago

      Reading your story brought tears in my eyes because my friend did exactly the same like yours. I was surprised too someone went through same pain and hurt I am going through these days. But your experience gave me hope and a direction how to cope and stay positive. Thank you so much. God Bless

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      Anon 2 months ago

      Thank you for sharing this. I've recently lost my best friend after realising I may have been in love with him and telling him. We decided on some time apart but after reaching out after some time he's refused to get in touch. We've gone from texting or calling every day to zero contact. It's been 3 months and I'm completely devastated. He's alluded to certain issues so I know there's stuff about him I don't know and I have to assume that these have played a part in the current situation. The situation has hurt me so deeply that I'm considering getting professional help to help me to deal with the whole thing. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before so I'm not sure how to deal with it all. I'm not religious at all but your article has really helped. I know he values my friendship and despite the current horrible situation, I'm confident that one day we'll be ok.

    • profile image

      noctis 2 months ago

      Thanks so much for this... I lost a friend recently..her birthday was coming up that time and I wanted to give her some cookies I baked. I've made a mistake of going to her house area without her agreeing to it...and she told me that she didn't want to communicate with me anymore. she blocked me at first without letting me explain and after a while, she proceeded to unfriend me on all social media...it breaks my heart but I'm now praying for her. I miss her... I need to keep my faith strong to the lord.

    • profile image

      Patricia A. Thompson 2 months ago

      Thank you for sharing your experience. I, too, just recently experienced the sudden loss of a friendship and, in reading an article on The Power of Forgiving, I saw that I had to let go of the anger and forgive this person. It's hard to accept when all communication has been cut off.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 4 months ago from Sunny Spain

      I think you handled this in the best way possible, I agree with you and believe that forgiveness is always a good way to heal hurts like this. I also agree that praying for the person who hurts you is the right response too. Praying for someone helps you to grow and increase the love and compassion you feel not only for that person but for all your other relationships too. Anyone would be blessed to have a friend like you :D

    • profile image

      Sue 5 months ago

      My male bestfriend for 3 years suddenly cut me off. One day I have had some problems and he was there for me. Next week I called to congratulate him for a prize he won and we made some plans for the weekend. 2 weeks and he didn't reply thought he has seen the message. A couple of days later I ran into him and he completely ignores me and doesn't even look at me. A couple of days later his uncle died I called to give my condolences he said thank you and we started texting them suddenly he stopped answering in the middle of the conversation. A week later I was having my birthday party I texted him to invite him ge replied that he sure is coming. I feel so sad he was my only friend and we used to talk a lot. I feel that I have no respect for myself because I invited him after what he has done.

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      Claire 6 months ago

      Thank you so much. I pray to the lord that this works well with me .

      Blessed be the name of the lord.

    • profile image

      Jing 10 months ago

      Your godly approach with the situation compare to all the blogs I have read is what makes it a blessing to me. Just want you to know I am thankful to have read your hub and it helps me a lot starting to accept the situation whatever may be the reason behind (of course by the grace of God) and move on. I am not expecting the wound to be healed that fast especially we see each other almost everyday but i believe I'll get over this. God bless too

    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 10 months ago

      Hi Jing,

      I'm really glad my hub is a blessing to you. So sorry you're going through such a hard time, though. I'll be praying for you today, that God will comfort you during this tough time and that your friendship might be rekindled soon, if if it's God's will. Perhaps this is just a season. God bless you and give you encouragement in Him today!

    • profile image

      Jing 11 months ago

      Im blessed by your hub.

      Im also in the same situation at the moment. Im grieving so much. The bad thing about my situation is that we are in the same church and in almost all ministries. We see each other almost every night in the ministry. All the brethren knew how close we are and that if there is anyone inside the church who knew all her well and her whereabouts, it's me.

      Im having a hard time at the moment praying and convincing my self im not loosing her yet since its just a couple of months since she started brushing me off. But really, they way she treats me now, it hurts so much.

    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 12 months ago

      "Me too" -That's hurtful to just be a "back burner" type of friend. I don't blame you for wanting to feel like the other person genuinely wants to spend time with you and values your friendship just as much as all their other friends.

      "love dog" - Wow, you have such a positive attitude! Keep that up. Sounds like you'll be just fine, like you said.

      "prat"-Sounds like you should keep the ball in her court and if she wants to spend time with you, she will make the effort. Maybe moving has been a big adjustment and she needs time to realize she misses you. If not, sounds like it might be time to move on.

    • profile image

      Me too 12 months ago

      I had two friends who treated me like an option and didn't help me at a time when they could and my dog could of died. Long story short... I had to let go cause I was not be respected. I was an optional friend. Friend of convenience when they were bored... Their real friends got invited on the weekends, dinners, I was a fill in.

    • profile image

      prat 14 months ago

      imet a very nice gal when i moved to this new country i stayed with her family for 15 days we had similar likings too. later i moved to my new place and i helped her with many many things and i visited her home like twice a month. she was struggling for job and i took her to my office party so that she can make some contacts.

      she then suddenly stopped and nevr since invited me to her home so i moved a place far from her place too as it was hurting me . and even from start she never wanted me to be involved me in their big social circle and outings even if her husband said i can go with them as they have really big circle. and strange thing is she keeps talking to me one on one on phone. her kids used to love too. i dont understand this and it hurts me. i feel like i shold just stop talking then i feel she was good to me when i came but me too helped her in many many was afterwards. i dont know what should i do. but this is too much now. i asked her once before moving to far place whats the issue and she is like its nothing. she will talk about her coming to my place but never asks me to visit her. pls suggest.

    • profile image

      love dog 14 months ago

      I had a friend that I just talk to on the phone pretty often. She had made a comment to me that sort of hurts my feelings. I lashed back at her with a comment . More or less told her about it.. Now she does not want anything to do with me. She more or less, cut me off. We weren't close friends, we just talked on the phone. It still hurts, but I will be fine !!

    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 17 months ago

      Robin, it sounds like your situation has left you with mixed feelings. However, if your friend really was emotionally abusive, then maybe it was for the best. Keep praying for healing. God is hearing you!

      Saz, yes I think this sadly happens to a lot more people than we know, because people don't always talk about it. Hang in there. Maybe someday the friendship will come back around. In the meantime, when you choose to forgive, it is an act of the will. The feelings follow later. Most importantly, pray for a forgiving heart and to love the friend who hurt you.

      Praying for you both.

    • profile image

      Saz 17 months ago

      Thank you for making me feel that I'm not the only one this has happened to.

      Sadly I am still grieving the loss of my so called best friend of 20 + years .

      I am hopeful that one day I will be able to forgive and forget, just not yet

    • profile image

      Robin 19 months ago

      This just happened to me. I have been patient with an emotionally abusive friend (I tolerated since I knew she has a mental disorder she refuses to face). Out of the blue, she asked that I not contact her. I feel that I've been there for her and it hurts. At this time I am praying for healing and giving her the respect to honor her wishes. It was one sided and I thought I was helping. Life goes on...... Yes I have other friends but this hurts.

    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 20 months ago

      You're very welcome, "Unfriended". I'm sorry you have experienced this as well, but glad my story helped you in some way. Blessings to you.

    • profile image

      Unfriended 20 months ago

      I just wanted to say thank you for sharing you story. It is helping me cope.

    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 21 months ago

      Yes, it is very hard when a friend says they do not want to be contacted anymore. In my experience, it's best to respect their wishes. He/she will contact you again if that person is ever ready. Pray in the meantime and give the situation to the Lord, as that is really all you can do (and the most powerful thing you can do, if you think about it!) If that friendship is meant to be, it will come back around in the right timing :) Have faith! :)

    • profile image

      Cafesito* 23 months ago

      Thank you for sharing, it has really blessed me. My good friend is no longer in my life and I did nothing to hurt her in any way. She simply moved on. ???

    • Scotty Cujo profile image

      Nikki 23 months ago from Worcester, MA

      Great article , this is very similar to what happened with my friend of 25 years , just stopped talking and texting for no apparent reason and I never got an explanation as to why. I agree with you on people having issues in their life that they just don't tell their closest friend about , I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been shunned by a longtime friend and happy you've had some contact with your friend.

    • chaitanyasaivb profile image

      Sai Chaitanya 2 years ago from INDIA

      I know the pain, how a person will suffer, if their friend cuts off suddenly. Because, I have lost my friends. Even, I have suffered the same pain at that time. Still today, I was unable to forget all those things. I may have forgiven my friends, for their mistakes, But, I cannot forget those mistakes.

    • profile image

      Sad for my freind 3 years ago

      I have recently gone through the same thing. My freind blamed me for a horrible ending to an evening out. We semi reparied things to the point of being civil. We saw each other out, and she introduced me to someone. I made idle chit chat with the person I was introduced to. My freind later lashed out at me and told me that I'd had no right ot be chatting with the woman. I've no idea what I did wrong when we went to dinner, and I've no idea what I did wrong when I spoke to the woman she introduced me to. I am very sad that our friendship is broken, and I would like to repair it, but I also don't want to be her doormat or allow her to continue to blame others for her mistakes. I think her lashing out at me is a sign tht she is hurting. She has told me that she needs to work through some things. I just want her to know that I forgive her, and that I really do love her. I want her to know that I will always care for her and that I will always have an open door. She has been hurt in the past, and I have never hurt or decived her intentionally. She has told me to not contact her. I am doing my best to stay away, but it is hard as I really miss my friend. I want to convey to her that my friendship is unconditional. How will I be able to tell if she would ever be receptive to hearing from me?

    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 3 years ago

      Searchinsany, thanks for your comment as well and I'm so blessed by what you said. That verse is very fitting as well. Thanks for voting up :)

    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 3 years ago

      Yes, it definitely provided some catharsis to write about it. That saying does seem to apply in this case. You never know until you have walked a mile in someone's shoes, I guess. Thanks for commenting, Allyson!

    • Allyson Cardis profile image

      Allyson Cardis 3 years ago from Gloucestershire, England

      This story definitely brings to mind the saying about everyone fighting some kind of battle that you don't know about, but what a horrible thing to go through. I hope writing about it helped.

    • searchinsany profile image

      Alexander Gibb 3 years ago from UK

      This is a well written Hub, but more importantly you share a very personal experience that many can relate to and find comfort. I can empathise with a great deal of what you have written.

      You tenderly lead your reader to the friend who sticks closer than a brother, and we can cast all our cares confidently on Him.

      Voted up.

    • kiddiecreations profile image
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      N Kiddie 3 years ago

      Thank you so much ologsinquito and Faith Reaper! Yes, it is painful when it happens, but it does bring peace when we surrender everything to the Lord, just like you were saying Faith Reaper! His ways are higher than ours! I hope this hub encourages anyone struggling with this; I felt inspired to write it, in case anyone out there is hurting and they find this article. Thanks for reading and thank you for the encouraging comments. God bless you both.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Oh, this is such a painful thing to have to endure no doubt! You are a very wise person and I do hope one day your friendship is once again, but in the meantime, you are doing the right thing by praying for her. Prayer is the best answer to all problems or life's issues that may arise. We have all been hurt by someone no doubt, and praying for them does help you and her. I know it gives me peace when I turn it all over to the Lord.

      Up and more and sharing

      God bless,

      Faith Reaper

    • ologsinquito profile image

      ologsinquito 3 years ago from USA

      This is very painful when it happens. However, if someone drops you after 10+ years of friendship, without an explanation, then they likely have some issues you were not aware of. You are doing the right thing praying for her, as she desperately needs the prayers. God will then send the right people into your life.

      Someone I was close to also did the same thing to me, and I realize she has a character disorder I cannot fix. Also, my life is much more peaceful without her.