How to Handle It When A Friend Cuts You Off

Updated on November 15, 2017
kiddiecreations profile image

I have a degree in psychology, and I am a mom to two young sons. I love all things art, and I enjoy writing about my life experiences.

When A Friend Cuts You Off, It Really Hurts....

I speak from experience when I say that when a friend suddenly cuts you out of his or her life, it can be devastating...

Here, I will share some steps you can take to deal with the heartbreak, forgive, and move on with your life - with or without the friend who hurt you.

Remember, in Your Grieving, Not to Despair

Don't lose hope. Your friend may not be speaking to you right now, but that doesn't mean the friendship will never, ever be re-kindled in the future.

  • Try to accept that, for now, your friendship with this person is on hold, for whatever reason.
  • Even though it hurts you very deeply, and you have to go through the grieving process, remember that all things are possible with God
  • Someday your friendship could very well be restored.
  • Have hope and faith, and put it in the Lord's hands as to whether you become friends again in the future.

You Had Some Good Times Together... So Allow Yourself to Grieve

Losing a friend to a broken friendship is kind of like the break-up of a romantic relationship, or even comparable to a death. You have lost someone dear to you. That person who you used to be close with, is no longer in your life, or at least, not at this time. It hurts. Really bad. Knowing this, allow yourself the time you need to grieve the loss of your friend. You have some good memories of this person, and it hurts to remember the special times the two of you shared, but as you look back, try to remember that you gained some valuable lessons from this friendship, and it was a blessing to have this person in your life, even if it was just for a season.

Remember, It Probably Isn't Your Fault

When my friendship of 10+ years with my best friend suddenly became broken, I was heartbroken. We had known each other since high school, and I had always looked up to her. Now, all of a sudden, she had cut me out of her life, without any explanation.

Deleted from Facebook. Not answering my calls or texts. Simply. Gone.

It hurt. I cried and grieved, and I wondered, "What did I do wrong? Did I somehow cause this?"

Through this experience, however, I've learned that even a best friend can have issues or struggles you may not be aware of.

Chances are, if this person is cutting you off out of the blue, after years of being friends, then there is a deeper problem that you have not been made privy to. So don't blame yourself. As difficult as it is to stop wracking your brain, thinking of what you could have done to prevent this moment, it is happening, and there's (most likely) nothing you did to cause it. It is something going on with your friend, and you have nothing to do with it at all, so don't punish yourself.

Reach Out One More Time, Then Let It Go

If you have tried to reach out to your friend multiple times, without getting a response back, it may be time to accept it and move on. But maybe you could just reach out one more time.

When my best friend announced that she could no longer speak to me after 10+ years of friendship, I tried calling her and texting her right away, with no response. I left her a voicemail, but heard nothing back from her. I saw that she had deleted me on Facebook, which really hurt. I emailed her, but never got a response.

I let some time pass, for both of our sakes. After a few weeks without speaking, I decided to reach out to my friend one more time. I sent a hand-written card to her, explaining how much her friendship meant to me and how hurt I was over what had transpired. I told her I would always wish the best for her and her family. At this time, I did not hear anything back... But that's not the end of the story.

Pray for Your Friend

Pray for your friend. I know it sounds crazy. This person, who was one of your best friends, confidants, and allies, has hurt you deeply and profoundly. So it does seem counter-intuitive to pray for them. But try it. Pray God will bless this person, and help them to overcome what trial or hardship is going on in their life at this moment.

Pray for healing for your friend, and for restoration of the friendship, if it is God's will. As long as you are burdened by the broken friendship, continue to pray about it, giving it over to the Lord. Pray that the person will make contact with you, and restore the relationship, if possible. But most of all, pray for the person to be healed, comforted, encouraged, blessed, and be made right with the Lord.

Forgive Your Friend

This goes along with praying for your friend, because as you pray for him/her, your heart will become softer and more open to forgiving. As difficult as it is to forgive this person who hurt you so much, it's necessary. Not only does God command us to forgive others as He has forgiven us, but it also releases the forgiver from the bondage of holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness, which can be debilitating if not dealt with.

So, forgive that person, not because they deserve it, but because God calls us to and because you will destroy yourself in the process if you hold onto bitterness in your heart.

Easy Ways to Nurture Friendships

  • Call a friend. Talk on the phone to get to know them better
  • Plan a day to hang out and go to the movies
  • Work out with a friend at the gym
  • Invite a friend to go swimming
  • Ask a friend out to lunch
  • Buy a small gift for a friend, to let them know you care
  • Write a note or postcard to a friend, so they know you were thinking of them
  • Text a friend just to say hi and ask how they are doing

Nurture Other Friendships

It can be very difficult to accept that your friendship has ended, or has been put on hold, with someone who has been very special in your life. You may have spent a lot of time with this person in the past, and now you are probably at a loss as to who to hang out with, who to call when you need a shoulder to cry on, and so on. Perhaps you do have a lot of other friends, but none compared in your heart or mind to this person.

I know the feeling. When my friend cut me out of her life, it wasn't as though I didn't have any other friends. I actually had a substantial group of friends from college who I was really close to, and I wasn't even living in the same area as my friend anymore. I would visit her every few months when I came home to see my brothers and my parents, and we would always have great talks and good times together. I'd call her on the phone (or she would call me) at least once a week to catch up. I considered her one of my best, oldest, and dearest friends, so it came as quite a shock to suddenly be cut out of her life.

Something I learned through this experience, however, is that friendships often exist in our lives for a certain season of time. Sure, there are some friends who you can hang out with after not seeing for two years, and it will be like you never went a day without speaking. But I believe some friends are in our lives for a certain season only, and that's also OK. Through this, I learned to nurture the other friendships that I had, and I became much closer with other friends who live closeby, who I have more in common with now anyway.

My Story's Conclusion

After about 6 months of not speaking, and much prayer, continually surrendering the situation to the Lord, I had pretty much given up on ever hearing from my friend again.

However, she finally contacted me one day, completely out of the blue. She e-mailed to let me know that she had gotten my card in the mail, which I had sent all those months back. She said she had been busy and that the real reason she had not contacted me in so long was because of some issues in her life that she had not been able to tell me in all the years we had been friends. The issues were deep-seated and genuinely had nothing to do with me. I was totally shocked that in all our years of friendship, she had never shared any of this with me. She said that due to the issues (which I won't divulge here for sake of privacy), we could be in contact but our friendship would most likely never be the same, since she was going to need to get professional help for her problems.

Since then, we have emailed back and forth a few times, but things are not like they used to be. I've learned not to put people onto pedestals, as we are all human beings and we all have certain struggles and trials in our lives that we must deal with. I have moved on, and I now continue to nurture the friendships that are most dear and treasured in my life right now. While I forgive her and wish her well, I no longer look to that friendship to provide the fulfillment in my life that it once did.

Ultimately, we must look to God above anyone else in our lives, and realize that God will be a closer friend to us than any person on this earth! Someday, perhaps my friendship with this individual will be restored to what it once was, but I leave that in God's hands, to do what He pleases, according to His will.

I hope that sharing my story and advice helps anyone who is hurting over a broken friendship. Blessings to you!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Jean 22 hours ago

      Hi Nicole,

      Thank you, your article is comforting. Although I don't put much stock in FB, I too had a recent unfriending that I just don't understand. But this refers to a guy friend that I used to work with. A couple of years ago when we met, and worked together, it was like working with an angel. What I mean is...I was going through a terrible time with my ex-husband..(he was unaware of this however)...but working with him comforted me. He was such a gentleman. Of course, a crush ensued. I could tell he had feelings for me as well. He was younger though, and shy. However, the connection was there, no doubt.

      When stopped working together, he reached out to me about 8 months later, he friended me on FB, sent me a private message on FB & gave me his phone number. Needless to say, we just stayed friends. I contacted him a few months ago for his birthday & he responded.

      Now 2 months later, I go on FB & he pops up on FB at the same time, 5 minutes later he deleted me! I have no idea why?! I'm hurt because it's as if he saw that I was active, and got rid of me at that very moment. I know he has a history of anxiety & has struggled with it to a great degree. But this hurts nonetheless!

    • profile image

      Belle8bete 24 hours ago

      I’m suffering right now in a similar situation. She was in my wedding a few years back (we were the best best best friends in college) and she has just ignored me for a couple of years. I reached out and said “I feel like you are avoiding me (or maybe you are busy) but I miss you and would like to catch up. I feel disconnected and am not sure why.”

      Never heard back and found out she unfriended me on fb. It’s bewildering. I keep trying to figure out all the things that could have made her do this but really the issue lies with her, not me. It hurts a lot though and I feel like a lot of good memories are tainted now.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 13 days ago

      Hi Kim,

      I love that bible verse you referenced! Yes, it is so hurtful when a friend you love and have so much in common with decides to cut you off. Sometimes it takes a great deal of time before that friendship can be restored, and sometimes it is still never the same as it once was. However, all things are certainly possible with the Lord! Praying for you and the friend you are missing. At least you know you've done all you could and that it's in the Lord's hands now!

    • profile image

      Kim Wiggins 3 weeks ago

      I thank God for you and what you said. I had a friend who I cherished and I felt we had so much in common with each other. I said somethings to her that she felt hurt her feelings. I apologized over and over again. I told her that I was angry and hurt too. She stopped taking my calls and my messages. I finally talked to her and she was still cold to me. I tried everything. You gave the greatest advice pray. God says in his word pray for those that despitefully use you.

      I know I have loved her, I know I have given to her from my heart ❤️ and tried to be a loving friend. I pray that one day she will in return forgive me. I pray peace for her and me and I pray love and prosperity. I can move on now knowing it was a season and just like the weather seasons pass.

      Thank you again this was so helpfull and reassuring.

    • profile image

      maegan 3 weeks ago

      me and my friend are still friends but she doesnt talk to me for one day and like we were talking just fine the day before do they not want to be my friend or does she want a break

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 7 weeks ago

      Hi Alannah,

      You make some valid points. A person should definitely make sure that he or she is being a good friend and that the friendship is mutually supportive. However, you mentioned that to this day, she probably "still doesn't know" why you cut her out of your life. It would be beneficial if you explained to her why you ended the friendship, so that she could hopefully learn from that and not repeat those mistakes in future friendships.

    • profile image

      Alannah 7 weeks ago

      I've been the one to cut a friendship off before and sometimes it really is the other person's fault. Sometimes frustration builds up over time or you realize that your "friend" isn't really a true friend or a healthy influence in your life. In my case the person talked behind my back constantly but was sweet to my face, she didn't know all the people she talked about me to were coming and telling me everything she said. Our entire friendship was basically her using me for emotional support for all the drama she created in her life, but being a crappy friend in return. It was constant negativity and she made everything about her, no matter the situation. It was exhausting. Then she acted shocked when I finally cut her out of my life, after years of tolerating her, and still to this day probably doesn't know why I did it. People like that are never capable of understanding that they are the problem. I do pray she matures and is able to change one day, but I also don't want her back in life, I will wish her well from afar.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 7 weeks ago

      Dear M,

      I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. It can be so difficult when a long-time friend chooses new friends rather than you, a person who has stood faithfully by their side for so long. I would definitely nurture other friendships and distance myself a bit from her, since she seems to be going through a phase of spending more time with this new group. Pray for her. If the friendship comes back around, then good, but it may never be the same as it once was. All you can do is be close with the people in your life who cherish that closeness and really appreciate you being in their lives. Best wishes and prayers going out to you!

    • profile image

      2 months ago

      I have a BFF whom I even consider a sister. We have great bonding and we usually communicated with each other every single day or catch up with her like 2-3x a week to meet her just to know I’m still there despite the career change I’m going thru. She manages her own company (under a family business) while I’m doing a start-up company on my own. Our friendship isn’t perfect it’s we have ups and downs, until one day. She was hanging with a group of new friends. It all started from there. I tried reaching out to her but she seems to be a completely different person, she would text me from time to time until she introduced me with her new friends. It didn’t really go well. As that day was intended to catch up on her as she said and I was surprised to know she had other plans. It hurt me. I wasn’t included and told me to change and adjusts because she had new friends. I was devasted with her actions. I talked to her after those days she seems still off though I poured my heart out of what I felt. She become a stranger asking me to have a schedule with her before meeting up or even to text her. I was completely shut off. I didn’t understand what is happening and it’s really bringing a lot of pain after 7years of friendship I felt like I was a gadget when a new thing comes out you dispose it. She knew me more than any of my friends and family could have known, I shared my soul with her and here I am feeling lonely and don’t know what to do because my best friend has become a stranger to me and it hurts me the most more than those foes, back stabbers and arguements with other friends or even family or even my those who broke my heart. The worst feeling I felt so far, more than those accumulated heartbreaks.

      Your arcticle helps me in grieving and I’m still processing what had just happened, she chose those 1 month new found friend over a 7year friendship. I’m not perfect but atleast I deserve an explaination rather that a Cold War of unknown.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 2 months ago


      I'm so glad the light at the end of the tunnel seems closer now. There is definitely always hope! God is only a prayer away. Sounds cheesy, but it's true! Surround yourself with people who love you and pour into the ones who are thankful for your presence in their lives. God bless :)

    • profile image

      Gabby Ynostroza 2 months ago

      To whoever you are, thank you so very much for this beautiful post. I think I cried about 10 times while reading it lol..

      I lost my best friend just 6 months ago and it's been one of the hardest things I've had to endure. I've been having a really hard time letting go and accepting that she's no longer a part of my life. My depression has been swallowing me up since we fell off last year and I've never felt more lost and out of place.

      I really needed this. Your post gave me some hope and the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't seem so far away anymore.

      Thank you again and god bless(:

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 2 months ago


      You're welcome. So glad to hear you're growing in Christ. Leaning on Him is so important, especially when going through something as painful as a friend cutting you off. Blessings as you navigate this time and may God give you comfort and peace, as only He knows how!

    • profile image

      Tia 2 months ago

      Thank you so much for sharing, this help me greatly. I'm on a journey of continuous growth with Christ.Ive been going through this.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 2 months ago


      The response of your talent agent/friend does seem very confusing. Sometimes it's really hard (or impossible) for us to understand someone's rationale in a certain situation. It does seem like there might be some jealousy on her part. I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope things will get better with this friendship soon. Blessings. Praying for you on this!

    • profile image

      Confused 2 months ago

      One of my good friends is also my talent agent. Her best friend is her Photographer and partner for the agency that she’s invited me multiple times to hang out with her partner and other business associates and friends. I’ve done a lot of favors for video recording and editing when she’s needed it, no regrets, just information.

      Her partner and I (he’s gay and married by the way) Get along fabulously, he is truly an incredible person. Last night I stop by the agency, my agent and her two assistants (one is her daughter) were there and invited me to go to dinner with them along with the partner . I went to long, though I was on my way to a basketball game to see a guy that I’m dating play, and had an extra ticket because my son did not want to go. Since my agent had her daughter with her I invited her partner in the moment and after dinner we went to the game .

      Now today my agent that she no longer wants to be friends because she needs to compartmentalize , but then changed her story to say that we could be friends but she didn’t want me being friends with anyone that she knows because it’s getting too close to her personal life .... even though she has invited me to spend time with them repeatedly including inviting me to his birthday party.

      I’m heartbroken . Dinner even remarked that for once in my life I feel like I had a group of people around me that while some friendships are new and others are more established that they were people who liked me for me and were supportive and encouraging .

      This does not fall under the category of poaching friends because in no way have we left her out or exclude, in fact before she sent me this text today I had seen her and offered to buy tickets to our sons baseball banquet (played for same team) in part because she is my friend and I did only have one ticket basketball team game and thought it rude to invite her while she had her daughter with her and would not be able to go

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 3 months ago

      Barbara Sue,

      Really sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine being friends with someone that long and then having a falling out. I thought 10 years was a long time! 40 years, now that's a long friendship. Hang in there, it sounds like your friend may be having a crisis of sorts about turning 60. Maybe she's just feeling introspective and depressed right now in this difficult time. She may be just turning inward and away from her friendships for whatever reason. Praying for you, that your friendship may be restored at the right time if it's the Lord's will. I guess it just goes to show, no matter our age we can still go through the same types of trials and tribulations.... your positive outlook and trust in God will get you through. ((Hugs))

    • profile image

      BarbaraSue 3 months ago

      Excellent and thought-provoking article; thank you, Nicole K.Granath:

      A 40 year friendship with my best female friend (who had turned 60 and was quite upset about it) and not a word about what happened...just discontinued all communication with me and I am heartbroken. I've sent her texts and phone calls, nothing back. Maybe I'll mail a card after some more time goes by....just in case she's amicable.

      Meanwhile, such a usually solid and happy 'me' is now in an awful funk...this is a divorce of sorts.

      I'll get throught it, thank you again for this inspiring article.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 3 months ago


      I'm so glad you were able to glean some fresh perspective and new ideas from what I've shared. God deserves all the glory. Continue to pray as long as you feel burdened and the Lord will be with you. He is always working, even if we are unaware of it at the time. God bless you!


      It is so easy to put our friends on pedestals sometimes, isn't it? That's why it's so important to make Jesus #1 like you were saying, so that we are not tempted to put our friends or anyone else in the place of God in our lives. Keep praying, but give your friend his space for now. The ball is in his court to respond. Get plugged in at church as much as you can and remember to nurture other friendships. Praying for you.

    • profile image

      Aaron 3 months ago

      Hey Nicole, thanks for sharing your story and how you overcame those six months of losing your friend of 10 years and what you did to overcome it.

      My situation is like Irina, i had a best friend and “only true friend” of three years. He was a big brother to me...and I kinda feel like he still is. Over these three years, he gave me gifts, comforted me when I was really down. He talked to me on a daily basis and well...i made the mistake of putting him on a pedestal.

      Three weeks ago, my paranoia got so extreme and he couldn’t take it. He blocked me in all form of social media and refused to talk to me no matter how many times i tried to contact him.

      While it was the worst day of my life, I finally overcame those years of hatred and anger because I cared about him that much so if I’m going to forgive him, god thought me to forgive others who have wronged me

      Afterwards, I tried searching some of his other friends and spouse for help but they either said they do not wish to get involved or just flatly blocked me as well.

      The only saving grace was that so far, with prayer, he did not block me as of yet with my third account i had to use to contact him. I don’t even know if he read my messages but I guess even if he doesn’t read them- The lord and god are reading them and understand how i feel.

      I am praying and confessing to god that this relationship will be restored one day and that god will give me double for every unfair situation that has been placed on me.

      I learned to make jesus christ number 1 best friend for my troubles...but i still want my friend back. He gave me comfort and prayed for me when I was tormented even when he was down himself....

      The only thing i can do for him and myself now is pray. I want him to see the lord more and make Jesus a priority in his life and I want our new relationship to glorify christ from now on. Most importantly, I want their entire family to receive salvation in christ.

      It is still painful though...when i am reminded of him. I have to let go of him and surrender him to god until the day we speak again...but it feels so weird and strange everyday without him.

      The only thing i did these past few weeks was mainly listening to christian sermons by pastor prince and Joel Osteen, reading the bible and searching up stuff on this issue XD

    • profile image

      Mari 3 months ago

      Thank you so much for sharing your experience it has opened me to new perspectives and has given me some good ideas I had not yet considered. I searched online because I feel a great sense of loss for my friend and your words helped me more than you can imagine. Thank you!

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 3 months ago


      I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing with the loss of your friend. It is really so tough, especially when you don't have a lot of other close friends or family. Do you attend church? Or can you join any classes in your community, like a painting or ceramics class, or a Zumba class at the gym, something of that nature? I really recommend joining something where you can get out in your community and meet new friends. It sounds like that could really help you to take your mind off things and meet new people! Maybe join a new bible study at church also and expand your social circle. Praying for you to find healing and some new friendships that will be a big blessing to you! The Lord bless and encourage you through the power of His Holy Spirit!

    • profile image

      Irina 3 months ago

      Thank you for the article. It does help me and reminds me to stay focused on God. My only friend of 10 years, who had become like family to me, since I have no family or other friends. I've made mistake putting her on pedestal and making her the only person, especially since my husband is a truck driver who is gone 11 days at a time (last 12 years). So yes, she was everything to me. I can't look at things she gave me as a gift.... it's been 6 months, but all these months I was trying to contact her and now it hit me!

      It's over.

      Praying I overcome it quickly.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 4 months ago


      First off, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friends. It sounds like it was very sudden and there was not much communication on their part about why they were so offended (or chance for you to be heard when you apologized).

      I think it's wonderful that you're going to church again and that you found the latest sermon to be applicable to your situation and found some comfort in that. As for prayers for patience, there is not one specific prayer you need to pray. Just use your own words when you pray, and talk to God like a friend. God calls us His children, but He also calls us His friends. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Romans 8:25 says that if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. So pray, cast your anxiety on God, and wait patiently for things to be resolved. Also remember Romans 8:28, "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose." I know it might seem like no good can come from this, but keep trusting in the Lord and know that He knows the future and knows the good plans He has for you. Lifting you up in prayer as well :)

    • profile image

      Tandee 4 months ago

      I recently had a friend block me from all media after I made a joke she considered inappropriate. I tried to contact her immediately from a different account, but the email was emotionally charged and inadvertantly sounded more like "poor me" than "you're right, I'm sorry." Long story short, now her husband is helping her carry her grudge and I have no idea how to communicate any ideas to them.

      I've known her for 15 years, and him for 20, now they won't respond to anything. I've waited a week and tried a final time to reach out but I don't know if they even read my message.

      I've started going to church again recently and the message at the last service really seemed to be relavant, and really helped. I was wondering if I could do anything else, and if you had a good prayer for patience? I can't seem to find the right words.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Thank you for sharing your story Nicole. God is truly our very best friend and is always with us. In other words He "has our back".

      Your hub will be helpful to many people. Blessings to you and yours.


    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 7 months ago


      Friendship is a two-way street, so both parties do need to make some effort to care about one another. Communicating how you're feeling would be a good step, but if that doesn't work, it makes sense not to continue being friends with someone who is not interested in showing concern for you as well (not just only their own interests).

      God bless

    • profile image

      Jay 7 months ago

      I cut off contact with someone I cared deeply about. Whenever I told her what was troubling me, she never really cared or responded.

      One day I cut off contact.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 7 months ago


      I see what you're saying about your friend. I can understand how you might feel like your relationship with her was making you stressed out if your whole friendship was mostly about her telling you her problems constantly, etc. At the same time, maybe communicating that to her would have been a good option as well. You mentioned that everyone in your life said you should cut her off, but you didn't mention whether or not you told her that the way she treated you as her "therapist" (as you put it) was stressful for you. Maybe she was just going through a hard time and needed some additional support? But if you had explained that it was causing you stress, instead of telling her you wanted to cut off contact, might she have possibly understood that? It also sounds like you were still upset about the time that she cut you off for a period of time beforehand, and that your feelings about that were never really discussed. I think a lot of our problems in relationships stem from lack of proper communication. If someone's friendship is valuable enough to the other person, then it's worth communicating about any issues and resolving them, rather than throwing the whole friendship out the window. However, if you do communicate the issues and the person is still unwilling to see your perspective or work on their negative behaviors, at that point it might be necessary to take more drastic measures. Just my thoughts on the topic. And of course, there are two sides to every story just like you stated. Also, sometimes friendships tend to come back around when both people are at different stages in life, and possibly both at a healthier place.


      I'm so sorry to hear you've been in this situation for the past three years. I'm sure that has been stressful for you. I hope this hub has been of some encouragement and comfort as you deal with this issue in your life.

    • profile image

      Vicky 7 months ago

      I have been in this situation for almost three years..

    • profile image

      Anon 7 months ago

      I'm the one who cut off my best friend from my life. There's always two sides to the story though. The reason I cut her off was because 1, I was advised by pretty much everyone to do so - and 2, because she was mean and hurtful to me in her response to my note for her.

      Basically, I wanted to have some space from her because I wanted to know if she was the one really causing me stress and anxiety in my life. I didn't say this however because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I said I was going through a hard time in my life and that for just a little while to not have contact. I wished her well and everything. I didn't want to end the friendship - which is the important part of the story. Then, her response was 'If that's how you feel then I'm done with you'. (from what I remember as I deleted her messages).

      So to me and close people in my life said that she wasn't worth keeping in my life if she couldn't have sympathy and understanding. She put it onto me that I was the selfish one and that she didn't understand why I'd do that to her when she was going through a really hard time in her life too. I was hurt by her response because she essentially meant that she wouldn't want to continue the friendship if I wanted a pause. I was made out to be the horrible cruel one when in fact that wasn't the case. She lashed out, and in effect was horrible to me. She consequently sent me 2 other messages which I didn't respond to because I didn't know how to handle it - I didn't know why she'd be so harsh and everything. People around me told me to block her on everything. I did - and although I felt bad, it felt necessary. She even got a friend to message me to blame me for hurting her etc... I never felt so attacked before. I didn't want to take behavior like that from her, or from anyone.

      That's why I cut her out, because she showed that she really didn't care about me. I could no longer be her therapist, as essentially that was what I was most of the time. I am no saint of course, but I don't see myself as being completely wrong in my case. I just couldn't deal with her pity party. There was a time when she cut me off from her life, and I was hurt bad by that. I took her back, and although I don't regret that, in hindsight I should have not.

      To conclude, in some cases it's not out of spite and malice. It's just how some people deal with certain situations. The other person can't blame the one who cut contact if they were the one to initiate the reaction in the first place.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 7 months ago

      This helped me so much. I was recently cut off abruptly by someone who I considered as a good friend. Surprisingly, the last conversation that we had prior to the breakup ended on a happy note. I looked forward to creating many more memories with her, but the feeling wasn't mutual. It hurt for a while, but I think I'm finally starting to heal. I had to remember that some people aren't meant to be in my life forever. Instead of being angry with her, I'm appreciative that she finally showed me her true colors. I'll miss her dearly, but I must move on and focus on those who will cherish me and my friendship. Thank you for sharing this!

    • profile image

      Tabby 7 months ago

      Reading your story brought tears in my eyes because my friend did exactly the same like yours. I was surprised too someone went through same pain and hurt I am going through these days. But your experience gave me hope and a direction how to cope and stay positive. Thank you so much. God Bless

    • profile image

      Anon 8 months ago

      Thank you for sharing this. I've recently lost my best friend after realising I may have been in love with him and telling him. We decided on some time apart but after reaching out after some time he's refused to get in touch. We've gone from texting or calling every day to zero contact. It's been 3 months and I'm completely devastated. He's alluded to certain issues so I know there's stuff about him I don't know and I have to assume that these have played a part in the current situation. The situation has hurt me so deeply that I'm considering getting professional help to help me to deal with the whole thing. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before so I'm not sure how to deal with it all. I'm not religious at all but your article has really helped. I know he values my friendship and despite the current horrible situation, I'm confident that one day we'll be ok.

    • profile image

      noctis 8 months ago

      Thanks so much for this... I lost a friend recently..her birthday was coming up that time and I wanted to give her some cookies I baked. I've made a mistake of going to her house area without her agreeing to it...and she told me that she didn't want to communicate with me anymore. she blocked me at first without letting me explain and after a while, she proceeded to unfriend me on all social breaks my heart but I'm now praying for her. I miss her... I need to keep my faith strong to the lord.

    • profile image

      Patricia A. Thompson 9 months ago

      Thank you for sharing your experience. I, too, just recently experienced the sudden loss of a friendship and, in reading an article on The Power of Forgiving, I saw that I had to let go of the anger and forgive this person. It's hard to accept when all communication has been cut off.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 10 months ago from Sunny Spain

      I think you handled this in the best way possible, I agree with you and believe that forgiveness is always a good way to heal hurts like this. I also agree that praying for the person who hurts you is the right response too. Praying for someone helps you to grow and increase the love and compassion you feel not only for that person but for all your other relationships too. Anyone would be blessed to have a friend like you :D

    • profile image

      Sue 11 months ago

      My male bestfriend for 3 years suddenly cut me off. One day I have had some problems and he was there for me. Next week I called to congratulate him for a prize he won and we made some plans for the weekend. 2 weeks and he didn't reply thought he has seen the message. A couple of days later I ran into him and he completely ignores me and doesn't even look at me. A couple of days later his uncle died I called to give my condolences he said thank you and we started texting them suddenly he stopped answering in the middle of the conversation. A week later I was having my birthday party I texted him to invite him ge replied that he sure is coming. I feel so sad he was my only friend and we used to talk a lot. I feel that I have no respect for myself because I invited him after what he has done.

    • profile image

      Claire 12 months ago

      Thank you so much. I pray to the lord that this works well with me .

      Blessed be the name of the lord.

    • profile image

      Jing 16 months ago

      Your godly approach with the situation compare to all the blogs I have read is what makes it a blessing to me. Just want you to know I am thankful to have read your hub and it helps me a lot starting to accept the situation whatever may be the reason behind (of course by the grace of God) and move on. I am not expecting the wound to be healed that fast especially we see each other almost everyday but i believe I'll get over this. God bless too

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 17 months ago

      Hi Jing,

      I'm really glad my hub is a blessing to you. So sorry you're going through such a hard time, though. I'll be praying for you today, that God will comfort you during this tough time and that your friendship might be rekindled soon, if if it's God's will. Perhaps this is just a season. God bless you and give you encouragement in Him today!

    • profile image

      Jing 17 months ago

      Im blessed by your hub.

      Im also in the same situation at the moment. Im grieving so much. The bad thing about my situation is that we are in the same church and in almost all ministries. We see each other almost every night in the ministry. All the brethren knew how close we are and that if there is anyone inside the church who knew all her well and her whereabouts, it's me.

      Im having a hard time at the moment praying and convincing my self im not loosing her yet since its just a couple of months since she started brushing me off. But really, they way she treats me now, it hurts so much.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 18 months ago

      "Me too" -That's hurtful to just be a "back burner" type of friend. I don't blame you for wanting to feel like the other person genuinely wants to spend time with you and values your friendship just as much as all their other friends.

      "love dog" - Wow, you have such a positive attitude! Keep that up. Sounds like you'll be just fine, like you said.

      "prat"-Sounds like you should keep the ball in her court and if she wants to spend time with you, she will make the effort. Maybe moving has been a big adjustment and she needs time to realize she misses you. If not, sounds like it might be time to move on.

    • profile image

      Me too 19 months ago

      I had two friends who treated me like an option and didn't help me at a time when they could and my dog could of died. Long story short... I had to let go cause I was not be respected. I was an optional friend. Friend of convenience when they were bored... Their real friends got invited on the weekends, dinners, I was a fill in.

    • profile image

      prat 20 months ago

      imet a very nice gal when i moved to this new country i stayed with her family for 15 days we had similar likings too. later i moved to my new place and i helped her with many many things and i visited her home like twice a month. she was struggling for job and i took her to my office party so that she can make some contacts.

      she then suddenly stopped and nevr since invited me to her home so i moved a place far from her place too as it was hurting me . and even from start she never wanted me to be involved me in their big social circle and outings even if her husband said i can go with them as they have really big circle. and strange thing is she keeps talking to me one on one on phone. her kids used to love too. i dont understand this and it hurts me. i feel like i shold just stop talking then i feel she was good to me when i came but me too helped her in many many was afterwards. i dont know what should i do. but this is too much now. i asked her once before moving to far place whats the issue and she is like its nothing. she will talk about her coming to my place but never asks me to visit her. pls suggest.

    • profile image

      love dog 21 months ago

      I had a friend that I just talk to on the phone pretty often. She had made a comment to me that sort of hurts my feelings. I lashed back at her with a comment . More or less told her about it.. Now she does not want anything to do with me. She more or less, cut me off. We weren't close friends, we just talked on the phone. It still hurts, but I will be fine !!

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 24 months ago

      Robin, it sounds like your situation has left you with mixed feelings. However, if your friend really was emotionally abusive, then maybe it was for the best. Keep praying for healing. God is hearing you!

      Saz, yes I think this sadly happens to a lot more people than we know, because people don't always talk about it. Hang in there. Maybe someday the friendship will come back around. In the meantime, when you choose to forgive, it is an act of the will. The feelings follow later. Most importantly, pray for a forgiving heart and to love the friend who hurt you.

      Praying for you both.

    • profile image

      Saz 24 months ago

      Thank you for making me feel that I'm not the only one this has happened to.

      Sadly I am still grieving the loss of my so called best friend of 20 + years .

      I am hopeful that one day I will be able to forgive and forget, just not yet

    • profile image

      Robin 2 years ago

      This just happened to me. I have been patient with an emotionally abusive friend (I tolerated since I knew she has a mental disorder she refuses to face). Out of the blue, she asked that I not contact her. I feel that I've been there for her and it hurts. At this time I am praying for healing and giving her the respect to honor her wishes. It was one sided and I thought I was helping. Life goes on...... Yes I have other friends but this hurts.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 2 years ago

      You're very welcome, "Unfriended". I'm sorry you have experienced this as well, but glad my story helped you in some way. Blessings to you.

    • profile image

      Unfriended 2 years ago

      I just wanted to say thank you for sharing you story. It is helping me cope.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 2 years ago

      Yes, it is very hard when a friend says they do not want to be contacted anymore. In my experience, it's best to respect their wishes. He/she will contact you again if that person is ever ready. Pray in the meantime and give the situation to the Lord, as that is really all you can do (and the most powerful thing you can do, if you think about it!) If that friendship is meant to be, it will come back around in the right timing :) Have faith! :)

    • profile image

      Cafesito* 2 years ago

      Thank you for sharing, it has really blessed me. My good friend is no longer in my life and I did nothing to hurt her in any way. She simply moved on. ???

    • Scotty Cujo profile image

      Nikki 2 years ago from Worcester, MA

      Great article , this is very similar to what happened with my friend of 25 years , just stopped talking and texting for no apparent reason and I never got an explanation as to why. I agree with you on people having issues in their life that they just don't tell their closest friend about , I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been shunned by a longtime friend and happy you've had some contact with your friend.

    • chaitanyasaivb profile image

      Sai Chaitanya 3 years ago from INDIA

      I know the pain, how a person will suffer, if their friend cuts off suddenly. Because, I have lost my friends. Even, I have suffered the same pain at that time. Still today, I was unable to forget all those things. I may have forgiven my friends, for their mistakes, But, I cannot forget those mistakes.

    • profile image

      Sad for my freind 3 years ago

      I have recently gone through the same thing. My freind blamed me for a horrible ending to an evening out. We semi reparied things to the point of being civil. We saw each other out, and she introduced me to someone. I made idle chit chat with the person I was introduced to. My freind later lashed out at me and told me that I'd had no right ot be chatting with the woman. I've no idea what I did wrong when we went to dinner, and I've no idea what I did wrong when I spoke to the woman she introduced me to. I am very sad that our friendship is broken, and I would like to repair it, but I also don't want to be her doormat or allow her to continue to blame others for her mistakes. I think her lashing out at me is a sign tht she is hurting. She has told me that she needs to work through some things. I just want her to know that I forgive her, and that I really do love her. I want her to know that I will always care for her and that I will always have an open door. She has been hurt in the past, and I have never hurt or decived her intentionally. She has told me to not contact her. I am doing my best to stay away, but it is hard as I really miss my friend. I want to convey to her that my friendship is unconditional. How will I be able to tell if she would ever be receptive to hearing from me?

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 4 years ago

      Searchinsany, thanks for your comment as well and I'm so blessed by what you said. That verse is very fitting as well. Thanks for voting up :)

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 4 years ago

      Yes, it definitely provided some catharsis to write about it. That saying does seem to apply in this case. You never know until you have walked a mile in someone's shoes, I guess. Thanks for commenting, Allyson!

    • Allyson Cardis profile image

      Allyson Cardis 4 years ago from Gloucestershire, England

      This story definitely brings to mind the saying about everyone fighting some kind of battle that you don't know about, but what a horrible thing to go through. I hope writing about it helped.

    • searchinsany profile image

      Alexander Gibb 4 years ago from UK

      This is a well written Hub, but more importantly you share a very personal experience that many can relate to and find comfort. I can empathise with a great deal of what you have written.

      You tenderly lead your reader to the friend who sticks closer than a brother, and we can cast all our cares confidently on Him.

      Voted up.

    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 4 years ago

      Thank you so much ologsinquito and Faith Reaper! Yes, it is painful when it happens, but it does bring peace when we surrender everything to the Lord, just like you were saying Faith Reaper! His ways are higher than ours! I hope this hub encourages anyone struggling with this; I felt inspired to write it, in case anyone out there is hurting and they find this article. Thanks for reading and thank you for the encouraging comments. God bless you both.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Oh, this is such a painful thing to have to endure no doubt! You are a very wise person and I do hope one day your friendship is once again, but in the meantime, you are doing the right thing by praying for her. Prayer is the best answer to all problems or life's issues that may arise. We have all been hurt by someone no doubt, and praying for them does help you and her. I know it gives me peace when I turn it all over to the Lord.

      Up and more and sharing

      God bless,

      Faith Reaper

    • ologsinquito profile image

      ologsinquito 4 years ago from USA

      This is very painful when it happens. However, if someone drops you after 10+ years of friendship, without an explanation, then they likely have some issues you were not aware of. You are doing the right thing praying for her, as she desperately needs the prayers. God will then send the right people into your life.

      Someone I was close to also did the same thing to me, and I realize she has a character disorder I cannot fix. Also, my life is much more peaceful without her.